Tag: Love

Chronicle 045 ~ Askin’ To Stay Braxton~

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Like the song, I don’t belong here, but when B sat on my lap or laid on my legs as I read or decide it was bedtime, it was as if I had permission to stay. Only I didn’t afford him that luxury, and what am I doing in PetSmart. Askin’ To Stay Braxton.

Sunday, August 15, 2021

Chronicle 045 ~ Askin’ To Stay Braxton~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but can you get there in the next couple of days? The end of the month, hmm?

Get where? Around this time, you would be dreading your next work shift, and you are. Emergence Day is coming. Only like me, you’re “trapped” on Sunday, January 31, 2021. Oh, sure, like “The Tomorrow War” (you haven’t forgotten), you jump between rafts. How about Wednesday, February 10, 2021. When B returned… a reminder is unnecessary. Yesterday is now going on the list, Saturday, August 14, 2021. I’ve said before. With all the fears in life and what scared me on the 13th, the scene of the crime made sense. It’s the first time I stepped foot inside PetSmart since getting Braxton “the remains.” Don’t ever forget the truth of what happened. Now that’s something you could never do. Then there are Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus 5 (Hardcore Dungeon Core) – A LitRPG Series Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 007 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

So besides letting my boy down, letting my boy down, and oh yeah, letting my boy down, what have I been doing? More like what are you planning to do. It’s your time, your turn. You’re looking for one day, only one that you can be proud of. No, it won’t be today. You woke up late, and you’re on the couch instead of at the table. You’re already exhausted. Do you know what made Braxton’s day every day? See, you want to say French Fries, his walks, or when he got off guard duty. What or rather who brings all that to him, YOU. And that was enough to ask for him to stay, regardless of anything else. Blame him for Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, The Theta Patient (short)
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 007 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Don’t you wish, but you were a fuck up with this list while B III was alive. So it’s pretty easy to say you’re stuck when again, as always, you know the truth. You’re lazy. Staying in Hell keeps you warm, at least when you no longer have a cute puppy to do it now. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to pet any of those dogs at PetSmart. It would have been such a betrayal. Even if you find some way to escape Hell, answer this question. Where are you going? In the Bible, it says this “Hell followed him.” With Braxton, he took Heaven. So you’ve got nowhere to go, and my advice for you is to start building. Home… Askin’ To Stay Braxton.

You are where you do not belong.
Whisperer, TWD

196 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 044 ~Need To B Shopping~

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It wouldn’t be the first time I starved for food, fun or the love of my furry partner in crime. Yet I have to get up, and if I do get into another accident, I hope I get hit harder. Beware of karma, right? Need To B Shopping, for Braxton and me still

Saturday, August 14, 2021

Chronicle 044 ~Need To B Shopping~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’ll have a personal shopper. I sorta was when Braxton was around. B First

If Braxton were alive, I would not hesitate to go shopping. I did plenty for him, his needs becoming my courage. Then it was zombie mentality after he died. Why do you think zombies once upon a time moaned for “BRAINS.” Like the song goes, “I feel stupid.” More like, I’m afraid. I haven’t been back to Walmart since the accident. I should have kept up my regular routine. My first thought is this Lu, “does Little B have food, treats, pee pads?” So I would park on that side of the store and not the grocery side, always. People get in the way, but I’m not a person. These days I’m the horny fanboy. Yeah, hoping Walmart has the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition today.

How I don’t want to get up today, but at least I made it to the couch this morning. Last night I was ready to break my… what is it, vow, pledge, bet, some madness I don’t know at all. But while I’m making notes, how about one to get more memory and for what. Porno? It should run more rampant around here without Braxton. But again, last night, something was wrong, and the first thing I thought about is where are all my ladies. Writing took a backseat along with any other common sense. I got called out by Maitland Ward, so she, of course, cost me a few bucks. Um, Jada Jinxx has her first movie coming out. Oh, my Stuff and Thangs?

I should go back to work on that, but it’s time if I’m not wasting money. Didn’t I just say that something went wrong the other day, and I want to add more stress? Maddening! Lady Lu, I should be out there mowing the damn lawn. Braxton would be super pissed with the condition. What about cleaning the house or doing anything other than sleeping? I’ve said this how many times… his water bowl is full; he has enough treats so I may honor him. What I wouldn’t give to come back one day and say “stinky puppy” to him. Yeah, that would come after my “Emergence Day” meal if I shared a bit too much. What about M Anime’s birthday? Need To B Shopping

195 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 042 ~B Smart About It~

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I may not be a smart man; no, that’s it. B III was heart, gave me guts, and I ask myself if I only had a brain. B was asking for some kidneys. And I didn’t start learning about them until it was too late. Yet I read trying to “B Smart About It.”

Thursday, August 12, 2021

Chronicle 042 ~B Smart About It~

193 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You can guess how mine went considering we’re talking right now. Sorry, I’m so late.

Another one of many apologies me being late. Pretty damn late seeing you hurting Braxton. Everything I should have gotten to make your life easier, there was always another time. Braxton, I’m thinking about that accident I got into Monday that made me late returning. It’s not like you’re here waiting, but it’s the first time I was pretty anxious to get back. You know I would rather be in bed than anywhere else or on the couch reading. Again one more reason I’m late. I’ve been getting into the Great De-evolution series of novels. Talking about how the world ends, yeah, it wasn’t a bang or a whimper, not even a bark. When my world ended, it was only with your silence B III.

I told M Anime the other day that I can’t stand stupidity for stupidity’s sake. You weren’t dumb, B. You only thought the humans you knew were. I can’t blame you for that. Is that why you were so content to lie there as I read so many nights? I get you, helping me out. All you need know was I was there and so were you, and that was that, my smart boy B. How I once talked about Love for this and that girl. But what the hell did I know, B III. 15+ years to learn that word, Love. I didn’t believe it was a prize but a gift, um Aloe Blacc.
Love is a choice, at least to a certain extent.

I believe it is a form of madness as well. Only you found a way to have such peace, Braxton. Oh, I’m only “Human,” an “Ordinary Human,” with a “Human Nature,” um B stop me. Yeah, I could go on forever and a day. Still, on top of driving better, I write better with you. Now reading, I read “The Hauntings of Playing God” when you were here. Yet I’ve read about everything on the Great De-evolution since. A man and his brother, a man and his son. A teacher with her students, a man, and his cat. Guess what they all have in common. No wonder the guy decided to become The Last Astronaut, but he wasn’t so bright. Me, B Smart About It.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 040 ~B Team Breaking Down~

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Whenever Braxton and I had an accident, stepped on his paw, his nail stuck in a collar, the time he got smacked when I saw a bunch of bullies getting their asses kicked… It was only a matter of time I had an accident with people. B Team Breaking Down

Tuesday, August 10, 2021

Chronicle 040 ~B Team Breaking Down~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and like most, I believe the world is still going to Hell. So I thought yesterday.

Talk to me, all you like about 2020. No, My Love, 2021 has been the worst year ever. It is beating out the year I was born. Now that’s saying a lot which reminds me I should call in about you know what, eww. I’m not getting any younger, and being an old man sucks. There’s a difference between being an old man, the old man, and your old man baby girl. Yesterday I realized how old I was, and we’ll get to that. It was so exhausting, my god. Can’t call me B’s old man, his daddy anymore though I continue to. The audacity. Every day My Love, I try to be like the man I was. No, that’s a lie. That’s forgetting Braxton.

What about forgetting any good driving record, sigh? Yesterday I… like last week I must be careful with my words. Okay, so yesterday afternoon I had a “car accident” with this lady. No injuries; my car seems okay. No harm, no foul; people being agreeable. Forgetfulness is not my strong suit when it comes to pain. THEY ask me about Braxton. Why can’t I “move on?” It’s been 191 Days since B left. Hell, yesterday, I used my pain over losing him to not think about the fender bender. Those tears washed away the fear. Of course, it hasn’t been 24 hours. So I’ve been using everything from Songbird to Succubus, followed by Strahovski. Why not lean on you, Love?

Well, you see what happened to Braxton. When it comes to my first family… yes, I’m being a dick here because I called my old man, and my Ma called a couple of hours later. So I learned like Scrooged ahem “Scrape ’em off. You wanna save somebody? Save yourself!” I hate that movie, by the way, or at least, think Groundhog Day is better. I prefer Happy Death Day, to be honest. What about Edge of Tomorrow since I’ve been all about The Tomorrow War? Anyway, my point is I don’t need anyone breaking down, breaking up, or just breaking because of me. With Braxton, I had to be strong because that’s his life. Only I’m broken, and it’ll take time, putting myself back together. B Team Breaking Down.

191 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 039 ~I Love You Has Flavors~

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And they call it puppy love, but Braxton was no puppy at fifteen, yet he’ll always be my baby. As far as other babes or whatever movie I happen to be watching… The Tomorrow War. How about the love of money? I Love You Has Flavors

Monday, August 9, 2021

Chronicle 039 ~I Love You Has Flavors~

Two-Hundredth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Billionaire right now, but as The Beatles put it, “money can’t buy me love.” Only I know plenty of websites that disagree.

It’s been 190 days, and I don’t even want to think about love. I love that little doggie in the window. Which doggie, what window, you may ask. I answer, where have you been. Nobody loves me enough to read this, and no, I’m not complaining but stating the obvious. How I wish love could be so frivolous as to allow me to keep loving The Tomorrow War. It’s my Flavor of the Week, as it were. I can’t even watch it anymore, Amazon Prime. Finances have been a pain in my ass as I did them this Sunday afternoon. You know what that means. This week is going to be um eww and my usual blah, Olympics, the WWE. Books have been good though

My love of reading is nothing in comparison to that of B being here. Now I wouldn’t read my A.J. Markam title to him, but Chris Dietzel has been speaking to me. What do these authors have in common? Nothing? But my rage at myself and my desolation as well. Madam, it wasn’t supposed to be this way. Braxton and I were aiming to be the next Dennis Hof and Domino. Of course, that type of lifestyle wasn’t about love. I did want to give him a mom and siblings. How dare I dream of such love without Braxton, sigh. Braxton loved a daddy he would never see in this life. But somebody said that love can’t tell time, hmm.

Nine weeks, nine months, until his bucket finally runs out of treats. What about those hotdogs I never eat or all that cheese? How about forgetting to fill Braxton’s water? Madam, if it ain’t the time, then it’s the expense. Hell, I had a woman offering me another Chihuahua, but I couldn’t do it. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I looked at prices. Astronomical. For me anyway, and I am not a billionaire yet? Maybe when I fill in the application form at some of these places. My words murder my heart, ha. Torture, why M Anime likes me? It’s strange to think there is so much love in the world, but I’d instead be walking Braxton singing It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp. Life’s harder when I Love You Has Flavors.
190 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 038 ~Closing Time Will B~

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Closing time for the Olympics. After the Opening Ceremony and trying for two days… yeah, if I didn’t close my eyes to sleep (not that I was bored). I was exhausted, but that didn’t stop me from watching YouTube or seeing my son. “Closing Time Will B”

Sunday, August 8, 2021

Chronicle 038 ~Closing Time Will B~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and it’s a little bit funny that you think you can get on my level, day one.

I suppose I should be proud that you dragged your pathetic ass out of bed and to the table. Now I don’t mean to be so cranky considering my failures in the last week. I envy you that you won’t have to slog through the week I did. Of course, I know you’ll feel the same. So how are you right now? That eye a bother, sigh. I did what I could, ok, so I fucked-up. Is your tongue still on fire? As I was telling Lady Lu, at least at this stage, it’s not COVID. You don’t know how to explain it when you gather your strength to move. Wakefulness is something to be treasured. Although failures become more prominent, um Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, The Last Voter, A Great De-Evolution Novelette, Chris Dietzel, Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Speaking of what you’ve been seeing since you awoke, do you intend to watch the Olympic Closing Ceremony? You could do that now, and you should with the week you’re about to face. You’re going to need all the sleep you can get these days. Maybe you’ll learn about closing something other than your eyes. Haven’t we talked about having a problem with closure as though you’re Sheldon Cooper? It’s one of the reasons you’re not in the ground yet. How about sitting right next to B III, you think? Don’t think you’re forgetting about him anytime soon. It’s why, like it or not, I was searching for other levels of pain. What you did to him was a Circle Nine Sin. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus 5 (Hardcore Dungeon Core) – A LitRPG Series
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Hell, if you were to do these things, would that earn absolution, salvation? How about joining Braxton. As I said yesterday. Be careful with the language as people do SUCK. Today you should be much further ahead. But I did receive some news the other day, and as much as you deserve judgment, I was trying to keep you out of jail. Cell door closing. How long has B’s box remained closed? One more thing for the memorial list, hmm? “Stuff And Thangs” should be closed since I doubt you’ll be doing anything this week. What about closing your bed as in making it up to resist such incredible temptation. The sweet temptation to close your eyes yet you always see. Closing Time Will B

189 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 037 ~A Brush With B~

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I wish the Grim Reaper would ask me out already, but I don’t swing that way. Trust me if “she” looked anything like Georgia Lass from “Dead Like Me” or Alaria from an A.J. Markam novel… I would have already met B again. A Brush With B

Saturday, August 7, 2021

Chronicle 037 ~A Brush With B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, buried in cash but not bedsheets. How about breaking in the dirt, where I rather be.

You know the answer to that… wherever Braxton is. Lady Lu is that might way of saying I wish I was… Yeah, I can’t say that out loud. I don’t need the cops banging on this door today. So what do I need at this moment? Again there is an answer for that. Ain’t chicken. I can’t even get it up to talk about myself being lazy. After yesterday, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. That’s right, Lady Lu, I don’t fear evil, or at least it takes a backseat to everything else in this life. Carolina Reaper sauce, ha. If only it could be something that simple. Or how about falling asleep again, hmm?

Last night I thought that something bit me. Hope for the best; prepare for the worst. More like hope for the worst but prepare for the best. That’s the alarm clock on any given day. Right now, I want to give it back. I’d give them all back to go back to one with B. Perhaps it’s dare I say it, COVID? A breakthrough case from the guy who wears his mask always, and yeah, I got the vaccine. Do I need to add checking WebMD to my ever-growing list of chores, Lu? Oh um, the food and a bottle of root beer. Yep, I still have my taste. Breathing is normal. I only wish it was optional. Once again, careful, with words, Lady Lu.

So what’s the plan, this weekend? You know I have the Six Impossible Things… Hysterical, that’s a good one, isn’t it? What’s even sadder is most of them I could do from my warm bed. Only I didn’t get six hours. I did get further along in A.J. Markam’s novel. Didn’t I say something about WWBD (what would B do) a few days ago? Like his Daddy, he would want to sleep, but he would get outside at least once today. Hell, I need to get up and give him his treat. I found his bag empty in my dresser drawer. One day I know. There will be no more treats, and I can’t buy more, and that’s death for ya. A Brush With B

188 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 035 ~You B Leap It~

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Might as well jump as the song goes. I do that a lot for and at the Day Job. I would jump to plenty when B III was still around. Now I barely crawl out of bed, and I’m “lucky” if I don’t go tripping down the stairs. Will I learn to fly? You B Leap It

Thursday, August 5, 2021

Chronicle 035 ~You B Leap It~

186 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Believe it or not, Wednesday wasn’t half bad. Of course, I got a half-day somehow.

I’m sorry about my, let’s say, baby language or garbled, terrible “puns.” I wish I could tell you about anything, period B III. What is it with Olds that makes us switch how we speak in an instant? So I recall when you weren’t much taller than my shoe. Yet I jumped, I leaped B. Even when you weren’t my son? I didn’t mean to go all “Billie Jean” there, but you know what I mean. When my sister was busy doling out orders because she had so much to do. It went from “let me sleep” to carrying you around. My Olds wanted to show their home, and I didn’t have your leash, and people wanted to see the house. You jump, I jump.

Braxton, you jumped so high, you made it all the way to Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge, wherever. I was at the Day Job today, again Wednesday, but always I feel like I’ll be scared to death. I’m getting old in the world myself and wouldn’t mind dying on the fly. However, I know you don’t like me talking like that. How do THEY say if your friends jumped off a bridge… I don’t know if I’d follow Carolina Bound or M Anime but for you. There’s a reason I keep you above the weapons and by the closet. WWBD, always. Thursday, what would Braxton do? Now that’s something I should have jumped at, sooner, like Monday of YOUR last week. How about after your appointment?

I didn’t jump to the worse conclusion until the vet was calling me that Friday. I didn’t leap from my seat. I was nowhere near high enough to punch God in the face before asking him to save you. I wasn’t rich enough; I didn’t leap into action. There’s nothing. Only the “Space In Between Us.” B III I wanted to be an astronaut when I was young. When I got older, I wanted to be a fighter pilot. Yesterday I talked about all I wanted. Funny that I can tell you more about the circles of Hell than anything in Heaven, my B III. You weren’t here when I finished Jacob’s series. Do you think I’ll fly to you someday? You B Leap It

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 033 ~B Leave Another Second~

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I still talk to B every day. On Thursday, I write him a “letter.” Even when he was here, I’m not sure he understood, but at least he listened. Is it too much to ask to think a woman will allow me the same and not at the end? “B Leave Another Second.”

Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Chronicle 033 ~B Leave Another Second~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which puts me in a higher tax bracket than Mark Wahlberg. Just give me a second.

More like an hour or half, two to three, right? I’ve been watching a lot of “bad” movies these days. Spontaneous, Army of the Dead, Werewolves Within, The Tomorrow War. Now I’m looking into something I haven’t seen in years, The Happening. That scares me. Not the movie My Love, but I was thinking about something at “work” today. How dare I call it work; I love what I do now. It’s not like I’m working the Day Job (shudders). Anyway, look at all these movies and tell me what one common element they share. Final words, from the lovers, daddy and daughter, monster and man. Past dad and future daughter, then husband and wife. Except at the end of The Happening, they didn’t die.

Are we dying, My Love, because of B? I’m not blaming him. You know I’m a firm believer in the idea of challenging somebody on their pet. Baby, I love you but leave me the fuck alone when it comes to B III. You wouldn’t have stood a chance. 15 years, 15 years, Baby. So again, I’m at “work,” but listening to my B III playlist and the lyrics are getting to me. In particular, it was something to the tune of, I can’t take back the words I never said. I was reminded of watching Braxton. In all of 5 minutes and what I said to him. Baby Doll, I told B III I was sorry, I love you, and finally, I said goodbye.

And that right there is what I want you to hear. I told my best friend, my son, goodbye. I killed him and told him it was okay. Braxton could go because I didn’t want him to hurt anymore. You know what, I didn’t ask him, My Love, you know what you hear. Stay! Darling, stay with me. That’s what I want from you. There’s nothing that would make me abandon our family. I haven’t been to Vietnam or Iraq. Again, you know what I want from this life Love. I’ll be damned if I have a daughter like Muri Forester hating me for years. What I’m asking… a second. One I couldn’t Braxton but Have A Little Faith In Me. B Leave Another Second.

184 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 032 ~Sweat, Blood, Learn To Swim~

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There’s always talk of sweat, blood, and tears to get anywhere in life. Who knew by this time I would have more than enough tears. And “his” blood that rests on my hands. As far as sweat… I could use more but the Day Job? Sweat, Blood, Learn To Swim.

Monday, August 2, 2021

Chronicle 032 ~Sweat, Blood, Learn To Swim~

Hundred And Ninety-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which can buy a lot of towels. Hell, dry off in cash. I never learned to swim.

That’s because I rather stay in bed. As Eric Thomas would say, you’re given twenty-four hours, and what did you do with it? Cried about B, of course, on what’s now Day 183. Grumbled, Groaned, and Growled about today… (it’s still Sunday.) Isn’t Time Travel great? I’m not upset about grieving. That’s not going away anytime soon. And the only thing making me hot, because I’m not going outside… Yeah, by the time this is up, my blood will be boiling. Should I also add how disgusted I am with myself? I think I might vomit. Bathing is a good idea. But with all the “dicking” around, I have to do. I should stop using that word. Yeah, Madam. Go back to being a monk.

Return to some form of “atonement” as Braxton’s blood still rests on my hands. The definition of insanity. I continue to cry, but tears won’t do anything. Braxton’s still dead. The ink I spilled throughout his book “My Turn to B III” did nothing. Not that I expected it to. You must admit that there was some sweat there. I put in the work, exhausted, except that I always am. I’ve even turned to chocolate like I’m some girl. Yeah, that might have been sexist. Anyway, I was at the store the other day but not singing in the rain. Madam, I was only making more excuses. If anything, they are the one thing that is keeping me afloat. Braxton was my life preserver, Madam.

Too soon, brave captain to lose him. You know how I would tell Braxton that line from “Battle For The Planet of the Apes.” One day you will be as tall as a king. Yes, from my ankles to the couch. To the bed, in my heart on my shoulder, in my head, damn Rainbow Bridge. I’m the one that can’t stand tall anymore. I’m the one who once again falls into the bed as I did when I failed Braxton. I’m the one who bends the knee to a Day Job I abhor; who’s treated like slime and muck. Let me stop with the “I’m the one.” That’s Tony Baker Comedy. Talk about someone coming up swimming. Not me. Sweat, Blood, Learn To Swim.

183 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will