Everything can wait. But love can’t tell time. How long was I sitting on the bench waiting for the news that my son was dying? How long was I at the altar waiting to leave my father and mother and be joined with a wife? I’m 40. They’ll B Time Virgil.
Tuesday, October 29, 2024
Meditation 120 ~They’ll B Time Virgil~
Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Not enough to forget Braxton. You’d never ask that. But enough to love myself. Hehe
What a way to start the day, huh? Honestly, the day should have started at 4:00 AM this Friday, October 25, 2024. 3:00 AM? I can only be me, not Eric Thomas, my love. And when did I last listen to one of his motivational speeches? Or hear the voice, the bark of my Braxton.
All I hear these days is the ticking of the clock and my grumbling. Moaning…
Honestly, I wish they were yours. Must everything be “stuff & thangs?” My raison d’être.
For the longest time, I felt that was to be B’s Dad. To have a family. He will always be. Only there’s you, our children. Hopefully, my Ma. What about Virgil and my sister, too?
Not that I make time.
That’s what’s bothering me today… More than my B III being gone? More than my next breath? More than my birth… Emergence Day? And how about the next pair of breas… um, Yabbos that wants a job. There’s never enough time for pain, pleasure, personhood…
And why am I so pressed for time? Nowadays, I could say politics. Constitution, Freedom. And all of the buzzwords that are being thrown. But there’s always time to say that I love you. And it could be another lesson from Braxton. If I gave him all my love, what was left for me? Or did he know I had love to share, and now that he’s gone, I can and should? Even at forty…
Is there time for me to learn how to love? I don’t write love stories. But writing is my first love. Or so it was. Now, when I look at my schedule. It could be even worse. If you knew what my old Day Job calendar looked like. The way I would get sick. In Hell, my love, there’s enough time for weeping and gnashing of teeth. So, is that why I’m still alive? Nope
I tell myself it’s to keep Braxton alive. I would do anything for him. And that’s why I stay so busy. Or I’m sleeping. But haven’t I been taking energy shots lately? Or rising for…
More Yabbos or anything close. Love, let’s be in our bunk. And afterward, with this existence. They’ll B Time Virgil.
1367 Days Without B III, Day 808 of Virgil’s Arrival
B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will