Tag: Dead

Saga 100 ~Virgil’s Goals: To B~

WillLeave a comment

I think of all the things I should have said to B III. When I first picked up V, I didn’t ask him what he wanted? A dog that wouldn’t bite me. Who knows his way around a pee pad. And who was pretty lazy. But his goals, Virgil’s Goals: To B determined

Sunday, October 9, 2022

Saga 100 ~Virgil’s Goals: To B~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I never want to worry about money again or you… And you? What do you want?

Now, how many times have I answered that? And yet you continue to ask it. First thing at 5:55 in the morning. Where is Braxton? Why isn’t he here, or why can’t he come back? Then you decided to be a selfish bastard and ask why it’s so cold. Why can’t you turn on the heat yet? You’re looking at your last pill come this evening. But you’re not better. Today, hell, this week should be all about Virgil. 57 days and you have no clue what he wants. Yesterday was the first day there was no hacking cough or fear. V’s a good dog… Only this morning, he was busy licking his… what nuts, ha-ha? You got mad. Like coughing up Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Gabby: The Little Dog That Had to Learn to Bark
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp My Poetry Book…
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

You’re a simple man “Ain’tcha?” Hell! If each of these things were Yabbos, you’d win. Between the Rumble Rose Anesthesia, Lily Bowman, and Chronicle 254 “Because You’ll Go B…” I think we can both agree that the world… Damn That! Your health would be much better if sex were the key to power. Not like you’ll be getting any this week. Did I mention I LOVE being a billionaire? But you, what do you want? Sugar cookies and tea? Yeah, I finished another book by an English writer, and you’re reading about dead dogs. I’d advise against it, but I was the one that picked out the book anyway. No, you can’t read any more about Yabbos. But you can always try Six Impossible Things:

Chronicle 254 ~Because You’ll Go B…~
  1. I WILL BE VIEWING My Best Friend, Gone: Coping With the Loss of a Pet
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

But none of them will bring your boy back. Then there’s Virgil. Have you considered… Nothing, I know. I thought I would feel so much better when lying on the couch twice this week. I did some reading, but last night I fell asleep during WWE’s Extreme Rules. I swear, again, only the women’s matches kept me watching. Should I say I’m sorry you’re tired? Trying the watch the whole thing was exhausting. Living even more so. You know right now what you want… but Virgil needs you. Yeah, for food and water in BRAXTON’s bowls. A soft place to lay. And so many trips outside. His goal is to live. For you (shrugs). With all the writing today, a doctor? Virgil’s Goals: To B

616 Days Without B III, Day 057 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 099 ~To B Invited Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

When was the last time I was invited anywhere? 2019 and that was to B’s Aunt’s wedding. How much did I spend to go? I trust the science, but how do I feel after a week of meds? I invited V to stay. I thought he was someone else… “To B Invited Virgil”

Saturday, October 8, 2022

Saga 099 ~To B Invited Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m living the dream. Is it sad to believe that money is life, Lunalesca?

I’m still waiting for the money I spent to start existing again somehow. I’m beginning to think that $17.09 wasn’t the right price. And should I go and fetch Braxton’s paperwork? Oh, right, that wasn’t to save him at all. I’m not crying, Lunalesca. If anything, I want to sleep. What about the price for Virgil? I’m pretty sure I’m not saving him, either. Then again, if something happens to me… That’s a plus for him being like B III. Having the idea, I want to go all John Dorie (FTWD 6×8 The Door), and I don’t… Ok, so I’m fighting to live, and again how is that going so far? I invited Virgil into this house, and for what, I ask? To not die.

To not die. That’s why there’s an infection in my body because I was doing something to make me feel alive. I wanted to know I existed. And Lunalesca, not a day passes I want to. Hell! The highlight of my day Is when I get to take another pill, and then I hope. Every stomach ache I get. When I feel a twinge of pain. You know, healing, curing, surviving. That’s the worst thing of all, Lunalesca. These insane thoughts say that one day, everything will be normal again. Like before Tuesday, January 11, 2022. Well, fuck me, Lady Luna. First, you wouldn’t ever. Second, pardon my language. And third, Lu, most importantly, what about Sunday, January 31, 2021? Braxton was invited to wherever.

The only place I’m invited to is the Day Job. Only they don’t want me there either. The American Way. My Republican tendencies. I should teach a History class as they do. Forced migration? I should feel ashamed, but that’s what birth was like. Emergence, Existence? Before I forget, Virgil’s birthday is coming up. Seeing the Day Job schedule, though? What will I do for Virgil Vivi? It’s clear. He doesn’t feel welcome in this house. In truth, that makes two of us. Again if Virgil weren’t here, I would’ve found the courage to leave. Lunalesca, why do I stay? Why do I try? Braxton hasn’t invited me yet to follow him wherever he is now. He’s not Virgil? Mad hope. To B Invited Virgil

615 Days Without B III, Day 056 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 098 ~Virgil’s Story, Yet B’s…~

WillLeave a comment

55 days and how has Virgil’s life been so far. What, he’s hacked up… oh nothing. It nearly scared me to death. When I discovered it was part of B’s heart problems. I’d gladly taken it myself. Beats feeling like this always. “Virgil’s Story, Yet B’s…”

Friday, October 7, 2022

Saga 098 ~Virgil’s Story, Yet B’s…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should have all the time in the world to read, learn, and cry.

Would Braxton’s story make me cry? To be honest, I don’t know, considering I haven’t looked at the two that I’ve written in how long? I’m trying to find the time. But don’t get your hopes up that this is the second time we’re talking today. Whatever do I want? Sophia, it could be to visit the doctor. Is the pain getting worse, Sophia? Do you remember when I told you or one of the others that I’ll choose physical anguish over a mind fuck? Pardon my language. If anything, if you are reading this, as Pearl Jam puts it, “I’m still alive.” But I wish I wasn’t. Will I be getting over this “feeling” anytime soon? My B III. NO, NEVER, AS IF. Virgil?

Loneliness? I can’t say I look at him the way I look at Triple B. Or Triple X, for that matter, Sophia. It’s been a long day? And without any fur baby to stop me. Hell! B III could see. Besides the loneliness, I’ve been talking a lot about Braxton’s lack of reincarnation… to be. Is that why Virgil has been in Braxton’s room all day. Well, except for a few bathroom breaks. What I wouldn’t give for V to be in one of many rooms making a mess, Sophia. What is he a Disney princess asking “When Will My Life Begin?” He barely makes a sound unless it’s hacking up a lung. And seeing as how I’m down here and he’s up there? Braxton?

Is he in Heaven, at the Rainbow Bridge, in a box? I’ve been saying it… the last couple of books have been people in boxes. This whole house is one giant coffin, I think, sometimes. And I’m trying not to make a sound. I’m going on how many times listening to the Succubus Lord series. No grunting over some girl. How many days has it been now since I failed this week? Friday, September 30, 2022. And no griping about work to Virgil. But I’m sure I’ll keep sharing fries if there is any money to spare. Ha-ha. I need a new book after The Cabin at the End of the World. Only I’ll end up texting about Virgil Vivi. What? Virgil’s Story, Yet B’s…

614 Days Without B III, Day 055 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 097 ~Virgil, B Missing You~

WillLeave a comment

B knew his spot on the bed. Virgil’s acquainted with his pillow. I really need to get his nails cut. Yet there was a plague at Petsmart. And with V’s hacking from me petting him. He might die or I might, walking that one aisle. Virgil, B Missing You.

Thursday, October 6, 2022

Saga 097 ~Virgil, B Missing You~

613 Days Without B III, Day 054 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Three guesses as to how my day was. I don’t know yet, with Time Travel.

I don’t remember when I stopped crying over you. Did I cry for you today? Again considering how Thursday went. Today is Friday, September 30, 2022. So not yet, Braxton. I didn’t even nap today to remember how you would lie beside me. Or you would be on guard duty. And Virgil hasn’t been in the mood. Braxton, I’ve been giving him space, B III. Plenty of room. But what if I gave him all the room in the world? Oh, I’m not taking him back to the Rebeccas. I’d like to think I’m a better person than that B III. What do you think? Every day I look at him more and more, and I’m beginning to suspect he ain’t you. Are you lonely?

I don’t know how to broach this subject without having the cops rushing here crazy. Braxton, maybe that’s what my dream was about. The lawman charging in here for me. Silly me, and here I thought it was for a crime. I’m sure I told Lady Sophia or Dear Future Wife something like that today. Hell! The crimes I have committed only today, my friend. As Sade would sing, “Is It A Crime?” I’m a black man living in America, B. I’m sure you don’t miss my political tirades. With “All These Things That I’ve Done.” You remain my worst crime. Your death is a tragedy. Mine would be… nothing. A parent, a dead child… SPOILER ALERT!!! The Cabin at the End of the World.

I don’t know how it will end yet, but I’m close. I see myself as Eric, walking with your body into a lake. You know, the thought of drowning scares me. A true punishment. If I were a man, I would have brought you back here. I’d laid you at the corner of the bed, your guard post. I would have lain in bed and gone to my drawer with the… Well, you know what I’m thinking, and here come the tears now. I’m alone anyway. Braxton, what about Virgil? It ain’t love, and if you’re reading this, then well, veterinarian? If it’s not nerves. V’s birthday and he needs a checkup; to make that walk to Banfield. I’m so lonely. Virgil, B Missing You.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 093 ~Apples, Oranges, Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Maybe the doc will say I’m dying? That’s if I go today. I’m trying to find excuses. And I didn’t work so hard Friday to be ahead and not go Saturday to be behind Sunday. B III died on a Sunday. The Walking Dead? Me? “Apples, Oranges, Braxton, Virgil”

Sunday, October 2, 2022

Saga 093 ~Apples, Oranges, Braxton, Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you have accepted that you won’t be. At least not today. Your plans to live, hmm?

If I could give you one piece of advice today, it would be to stick to your plan. Be a Michael and not a Trevor… GTA motherfucker! Pardon the language. But that’s what happens when you wake up nearly on time. And yeah, it’s not a work day, but it sucks. Every day sucks, and you enjoy receiving blowjobs; go figure… Cut out the sex talk. Getting to the doctor early won’t do anything to relieve the anxiety. That’s not the point. Braxton was told a lie when he went to see the vet? I told him he was going to get better there. It’s October, a few weeks from Virgil’s birthday. What will you say to him about the vet.? Lies! Sweet Little Lies. Like these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Cabin at the End of the World: A Novel
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp My Poetry Book…
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

At least you’re eliminating one of the excuses not to do them. More coming. Now one win seems to be constant. Well, as long as you keep up the Reading Insights. Damn, Kindle ruining the streak. Speaking of streaks, you staying out of the doctor’s office. No, not today, ok? Noted, I should have gone yesterday, but I was afraid. Plus, you have food in the fridge because of me. But now, you’re no longer ahead in your writing. I thought you would have cried, checking the Day Job schedule. Will you cry with what the doctor says to you? Hell! If whoever said you were dying, it would be nothing like learning about Braxton. What about shame over Virgil? More than Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Gabby: The Little Dog That Had to Learn to Bark
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp My Poetry Book…
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

But you’re a survivor. When it came to my ear, though? I wonder what drove me to the level of madness that I had no choice but to see a doctor. Harboring fears about Braxton? Even now, you wish you were dead. But here you are, dreading the incoming week. Everything, I mean every little thing gonna be all right? Another day, another lie (sigh). What will you tell the doctor about what’s wrong with you? Humiliation? The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident from Tuesday, January 11, 2021? Why did you wait 10 months to do anything? What if it can’t be cured? A fitting punishment, you know. What if you can’t pay? “Men” to dogs, right? A mob, King, God, Nonbeliever? Apples, Oranges, Braxton, Virgil

609 Days Without B III, Day 050 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 092 ~Mr. Braxton, Virgil, Lonely~

WillLeave a comment

No attempt to monologue. I could write something else after the writing I did for the horrible week ahead. Not like B III is here. V’s in B’s room. And while you can be scared when you’re sleeping, I’m not “lonely.” Then “Mr. Braxton, Virgil, Lonely”

Saturday, October 1, 2022

Saga 092 ~Mr. Braxton, Virgil, Lonely~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I believe I would be if I woke up on time. Even my bladder waited.

TMI? Or would you rather hear me cry about Braxton some more? I even had my morning tear fest, but I couldn’t tell you about what. That’s how zoned out I’ve been; you know Lu. To think I was burning; what was it a couple of weeks ago? And now I’m freezing and not in a “this is the police” sort of way. And I’m not touching the thermostat, Lunalesca. Honestly, I’m not touching anything nowadays. It’s all like ice and glass, so you know. And, “Ah shit, here we go again.” I tell you, it’s like “Inception”… sexual thoughts. Then I’m all about the nerdy girls again. Perhaps, I should see a professional… whatever. Lunalesca, we’re supposed to be talking about my son, sigh.

But what about the other little doggie sleeping in his own room? Hell! It was a Saturday like this. What 49 days ago? I was about to say; I’m fucking up as a… what? I’m not his father or friend, and I don’t want to be his foe. I don’t know who I am, Lunalesca, right? I’ve been saying it for days. That my faith in Virgil being the reincarnation of my “Lost Boy” is dwindling. They say it can take up to 3 months or more… I was nowhere near my best when I first met Braxton. I even look at V’s name now. He was dead, leading Dante. And the only reason I’m not dead now is that Virgil needs things. Takes money

Which is one more reason I’m late talking to you. Besides the porno break, I did check my bank account. How pathetic is it that I debated getting a chicken bucket all last night? Not even for a family. Lady Lunalesca, I could drive down the street and get it myself, but, oh no. I ate a plate of pizza rolls and a bunch of peanuts. So what about going out today? It’s strange not heading out to Petsmart every Saturday looking for B III. And now? Sooner or later, I will have to make that walk for Virgil and me. That aisle, groomers, Banfield. Well, I worked so hard yesterday to buy time today. Finished what I was reading for Mr. Braxton, Virgil, Lonely.

608 Days Without B III, Day 049 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 091 ~Virgil’s Vigil, B Lonely~

WillLeave a comment

Next to B III sitting at the foot of the bed, staring out the door on guard duty, I miss how he’d cuddle up next to me while I’m reading. Virgil tried that for a bit, but um, I’m toxic, and he’s in B III’s room by himself. “Virgil’s Vigil, B Lonely.”

Friday, September 30, 2022

Saga 091 ~Virgil’s Vigil, B Lonely~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can invest in security cameras. Well, more than now. With such “Paranoia, paranoia!”

And no, not about B’s ghost. So is that it then; I no longer feel that B III has been reincarnated? Um, the last few books have been more dead people than fur babies, Sophia. Only Virgil hasn’t been around to hear any of this. Nope, this morning Virgil’s alone. Yeah, I’ve only walked into Braxton’s old room to check Virgil’s birthdate. Sophia, for the record, it’s October 20, 2020. Braxton Barks was still living during this period. I haven’t been shopping around Amazon for Virgil Vivi’s birthday gifts either. The Adoption Kit that I got, I’ve buried in a notebook behind porno. Don’t ask. But I have searched online for what could be wrong with him and all his hacking. A toxic “best friend?”

I swear he and I need to go and see a doctor, but I’m not ready to read those damn bills. It could be worse. There’s a reason I haven’t been watching much YouTube or wrestling, either. Do I need to watch the world go to Hell or see how fake it is? Blasphemy. To be honest. And I’m not sure how much I can do with you or anybody these days. I would go see a doctor. But next week will be more fucked up than the last, so Time Travel. Lots of writing to do today if I don’t fall asleep again. Not that my dreams/nightmares are lonely. The last one I saw the cops bursting in (pick a crime) and woke up.

Of course, I don’t have the time… Ha-ha, to write it all down. And I’ve pretty much forgotten the dream I had about Virgil/Braxton about a week ago. There are the books in front of me. I’m trying to listen to Succubus Lord 19 whenever I “need to” monologue into the void. I’m still reading “The Cabin at the End of the World.” How’s it going to end? There’s been death Sophia. Which reminds me, haven’t I written out my eulogy someplace? Yeah, I’ve been in a mood for days. In case someone is keeping tabs, I’ll leave it there. Only like the song, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone.” I said Virgil’s by himself. Trying to keep him alive. Sigh, Virgil’s Vigil, B Lonely

607 Days Without B III, Day 048 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 090 ~Can Virgil B III~

WillLeave a comment

B III’s life or my own… no question, he’d be here. Virgil’s life or mine? Well, it’s only been 47 days. I don’t want it, and he certainly deserves it. Maybe I should stick to the dog books and not movie trailers. Knock at the Cabin… Can Virgil B III?

Thursday, September 29, 2022

Saga 090 ~Can Virgil B III~

606 Days Without B III, Day 047 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It sucks that I wasted another one. Yeah, where have you heard that before, hmm?

At least then, I was talking to you. And look, here come my tears for Tuesday, September 27, 2022. I’m starting to feel like the dude from “Quantum Leap” or “The Time Traveler’s Wife,” B Squared. More like Triple XXX as this talk should have been had… Um, way back when. Hell! It would be better if we could talk on Thursday but, you know what. Humiliations Galore, B III. And on days like this, you would come running to cuddle. A minus against Virgil Vivi… On the other side of the equation, Virgil’s beside me Tuesday. One of these days, I will answer the question, is Virgil you or not? I can’t think about that right now, sorry to say. No, not because of that… A book inspired me?

I still feel bad that I’m not reading a book about dogs. I’m sure I’ve talked about the movie Knock at the Cabin and the novel; it’s from “The Cabin at the End of the World.” Now, your daddy’s an asshole, but you would listen to whatever. Anyone else, beware. SPOILER ALERT!!! So Daddy Eric, Daddy Andrew, and their daughter Wen have to choose. Out of the three of them. One has to be sacrificed at the hands of the two. The world will end if they fail to choose or follow through with the sacrifice. I’m 30% done with the book. It should be 75% by the time you see this. Did I want to say it out loud? Yes, no, I don’t know.

But it got me thinking again. First of all, you were or are… the jury is still out on Virgil. Well, my apocalypse buddy. We were or are supposed to face the zombie horde together. If there was a choice between your life and mine, there is no question. I would have taken your pain, Braxton. I would die for you. A part of me did. I watched you die. Writers play God, but we are not so. Throw Jesus to the wolves, and Hell, I take my own lumps, but I would not give you up for the world. And then I look at Virgil. If you were here… I’m not letting him go… yet, but his life, I wonder. Can Virgil B III?

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 086 ~No V8 or B3~

WillLeave a comment

I think I’m getting how Charlie’s Grandpa Joe felt. Only it’s not candy that’s getting me up unless we’re talking Cameo’s version. And speaking of movies and music, “Pearl.” Yeah, she wasn’t healthy… in the head. And the rest? “No V8 or B3”

Sunday, September 25, 2022

Saga 086 ~No V8 or B3~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what is it they say, “if you haven’t got your health, then you haven’t got anything.”

The Princess Bride? As if you have time to watch a movie. As usual, the day begins with thoughts of your son. You wish those thoughts weren’t automatic, signaling indifference. Is that a win for Virgil? You’re still learning his language. Hacking up his lungs. Language-wise, it means he wants something. Hell! Maybe for me to remember his name? Yes, I called him Braxton yesterday. More proof of something being very wrong with me. Because of me, you’ll think about Pearl, Maxine, AKA Mia Goth. Um sorry? More like Fiona Belli from Haunting Ground. But for now, your only sin is dicking around at six in the morning. My crimes… what did I talk to Inspector Echo about? Oh, it wasn’t these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Dog Under The Bed 3 by DJ Cowdall
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp My Poetry Book… SOON
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 005 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Speaking of failures rather than successfully reading another book. It can’t be healthy to keep reading about dogs. At least in the last three books, the dog has lived. People, however? Well, women. This gets us back to what I’ve been watching and what you’re doing now. Trying to stave off madness, misery, and the macabre with some big mammaries. Now you know that’s not healthy. But with how I was talking Saturday and what you’ll dread all this week. Wednesday is not going to be a good day for you, okay? Don’t lose hope. Yeah, we might finish this conversation on time instead of seeing how gross you can be. Or the book you want to read. Success as a failure. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Cabin at the End of the World: A Novel
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp My Poetry Book…
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Why do you feel so bad wanting to read something else? The books that haven’t been about dogs were somehow justified. Amazon’s damn reading challenges. To feel accomplished doing something when there has been nothing. Can’t take care of yourself. That remains to be seen, but it doesn’t look good… so far. Obsession over everything but life and love. Lust, of course. But between Virgil and the air conditioner, you’re not naked… yet. Perhaps you should catch up with OnlyFans since all that writing’s done? How about writing down the dream I had, or you could go and see a doc, but you can’t or won’t. You can at least check. Because Sprite and chicken noodle soup… um really? Other food? No V8 or B3

602 Days Without B III, Day 043 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 085 ~B’s Life, V, Pizza…~

WillLeave a comment

I’m not Ben Affleck, Stephen Colbert, or Mia Goth, AKA “Pearl.” But can you guess which one I feel like presently? I wish I could write monologues like that. Or at least speak them out loud. Should I be grateful for this existence? B’s Life, V, Pizza

Saturday, September 24, 2022

Saga 085 ~B’s Life, V, Pizza…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So why wouldn’t I want to live? With that kind of money, Life Is Good, Lunalesca…

I said last week I went to see the movie “Pearl.” That’s how I feel right now. But no ax. It’s the hopelessness Pearl felt when she gave that monologue to Mitsy. That’s writing. Fuck, that’s living… or maybe not. It’s existing… um, Lady Lu, there’s clarity. It’s knowing. And I wake up every day with this knowledge. My son is dead. For the past 42 days, I know a little fur baby I named Virgil has been sitting here wanting something. I don’t know. Love? Hell! I wish I could remember how Pearl said it. Much too early for that. And I’m still debating whether I’ll even go out today. Ha, with what money? While I’m not eloquent, to the Man In The Mirror…

Do you know how much I hate you? I swear, every night you close your eyes, that’s the best part of my day. I imagine that maybe, just maybe, you’ll never open them ever again. Second, to Braxton living, I pray for you dying. It wouldn’t even matter if everything came out as long as you didn’t have to hear about it. Being special, a star, some dom, a sadist. No, you’re just a depraved, disgusting, dirty old man. Wasting your time with delusions of grandeur. And every day, you say in your existence that things will get better. You’ll try again tomorrow. But you never do. Not on any E-Day. Not since Sunday, January 31, 2021. Or Tuesday, January 11, 2022. You should die.

Yeah, Lady Lunalesca, something like that will never make the movies. And again, I thought about going out, but there’s still pizza. Sigh, with what money? And the Day Job? Something else to look forward to? The fact that somebody might take that shoe shift? One more miracle that’s not happening. But the things I consider miracles, dear Lady Lu. Didn’t Pearl learn to be “happy” with what you have? I’m never happy with anything. The idea of “Another Day.” I said I would stop saying that because that indifference killed my best friend. Yes, bring on the waterworks for today. At least I’m not sweating from the heat. The A/C’s fixed, but I’m going to Hell for my betrayal, Treachery. B’s Life, V, Pizza…

601 Days Without B III, Day 042 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will