Tag: Fatherhood

Saga 338 ~Please, B Good Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Deals with the devil? A wish from a genie? Getting in bed with the GOP (shudders). The best thing I had going was with B III. I asked him to be good, and I promised I’d be back. Uh, and I ended up being his terminator. The past? Please, B Good Virgil

Sunday, June 4, 2023

Saga 338 ~Please, B Good Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. Hell! You won’t be this week… a Billionaire, I mean. But, like me, you’ll be wearing hoodies.

You’re the last one who should be talking about wearing anything. Life last week… disgusting. Depressing, Deviant… Is the word DUMB better than STUPID? Whatever. Dog! As in, the dog needs you. Virgil aka Virgil Vivi, aka 2V and not 2B. Ah, that name, ha. First, there’s 2B as in YoRHa No. 2 Type B from Nier: Automata. Rather pornography… Second, as you’ve seen this morning, 2V is not a second Braxton. B resurrected? Never! Did you want to cry today? It’s better out of sadness than the disgust I’ve been feeling again. Didn’t I say something to the tune of, “Guilt before we act is called morality.” Thank 2012’s Liberal Arts. Because what has Virgil done, hmm? What have I done? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls by Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Not in the slightest. I’m not a good “man.” I’m not a good… anything. And what about you today? You’re nine hours into the new week. And you can already tell you’ve failed two, three, five, and six. You keep looking at such and such, and you’ll fail four. Existence? You don’t want a good existence but a good life, and how do you start that? Don’t look at me! But isn’t that what today is all about? Braxton was/is so much better. There’s bucks. No, there isn’t because you wouldn’t be starving. And there are way too many boobs. Last week it was all about me whispering, “Please be good.” Saying that to whomever. But it wasn’t a good thing: Only Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “Vampire Academy” 1 by Richelle Mead
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Please be good. How long have I had the same damn list? Short of the books changing now and again. Is Vampire Academy good? Eff me! Is there goodness? Seeing as how history is being erased. Perhaps Anne Frank’s words will echo forever. “In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.” Braxton, Virgil? They ain’t people, but I believe in their goodness. Okay, I’m iffy, considering Virgil’s. Meditating. You’ll do that every night (sigh). But last night, during the Loving-Kindness lesson. It was all about wishing something good for someone else. There’s also hoping for something good for yourself. But like me… What would you want for yourself and everyone? You’d never… bad words, right? Please, B Good Virgil.

854 Days Without B III, Day 295 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 333 ~You Rib B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I was raised having many a BBQ. But never invited. I was raised in the AME Church. I can appreciate a story here or there. But I didn’t want to go. And there was a time I even wanted to be a comedian. Not anymore. Just Kidding… You Rib B, Virgil

Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Saga 333 ~You Rib B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But it’s not so funny anymore. Whether it’s true or false. I ain’t laughing. I’m trying.

What? Not to laugh? And I ain’t gonna lie. It’s been 849 days without my firstborn. And I have laughed my ass off at times. Well, what ass I do have. And I do like my ass? But don’t get those ideas… Got enough troubles with things inside… Mind, memories, madness. Weirdly, my rage has full reign, sigh. And yet my heart is in a cage, my love. Hell, it’s in a box on the nightstand labeled Braxton. But no! I can tell you the day I retrieved it. Wednesday, February 10, 2021. The day I saw what had become of my boy. It wasn’t a joke. He wasn’t hiding in his house, huffing at the food I made, heading under the bed as usual.

I know you’re asking what brought this on. Well, you’re my rib, after all. Religion? (Laughing). I lost whatever remained of that when Braxton died. I killed him, I know. Baby girl, it could be the fact that I’m hungry. And I know there are ribs in the fridge. Ha. Though if you could cook like Tineke Younger… I’m kidding… Jokes that might hurt feelings. I was never one for that. But feelings, isn’t that why we’re here today? Hmm. Would you rather I sing “Had a bad day again. (He) said I would not understand.” Today has been a pretty bad one. And if I told you why, besides Braxton or boobs. Who can get mad at either, I ask you? I have… did.

And I don’t know what I should do about it. I’m no bully. But I haven’t been saying Virgil’s name often. I guide him, usually with a pat on the ribs. I don’t abuse animals! Or anyone else, for that matter. It feels like my heart is trying to beat out of my chest. The meditation I’ve been doing says, “Open your chest.” That is about all I remember for sure. A few days ago, it was with the victory I had over my ear. I didn’t need your help, love. Not with that. But I need you. That’s no joke. Neither is missing my boy more than ever before. The fear “All Of Me” might end up in a cage… You Rib B, Virgil

849 Days Without B III, Day 290 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 331 ~B A Secret Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’m full of secrets, yet didn’t I say something about anonymity last week. I don’t like anybody talking about me, and that includes myself. I’m not someone to trust, yet here I am, being “transparent.” Such GOP ideology. “B A Secret Virgil”

Sunday, May 28, 2023

Saga 331 ~B A Secret Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. While you’ve become “Secret Agent Man.” One of the “Men In Black.” Or the “Snake Eater,” SIGH.

You wish… Yeah! That you could rip your damn dick off for wasting more money. Oh, and speaking of eating, what will that consist of today? Starving yourself on purpose. Been there, done that, but no. May Virgil never have to see that. Braxton did. One of the few times I was a lousy dog… friend, father, fellow, whatever. B had dirty water, and why? Oh, back then, I was too busy trying to… ok, you’re a big boy. So you can hear the words. But seeing as how you don’t need the cops at the door. I was trying to die back then, dammit. And every day, uh, these last few… You wish I had succeeded and why. Besides Braxton and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Secrets! My failing and yours aren’t. Hell! How many times did you wake up this morning only to go back to bed, and why? It’s not like you can keep yourself from the world you know. However, that is the plan if you ever make it. You’re sitting in bed… First, you woke up as punishment to reset the alarms because of your wayward dick. Around 1:00AM, you woke up because you wanted to simp for Cherry. It’s her birthday. At 4:00AM, perfect, you said you’d wake up at 4:30 and then 5:00. And when it was approaching 6:00, you got up. Why? First, there was The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. Then came The Cherry Collision. Now The Pic Phenomenon. Won’t help Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls by Eric Vall
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

At this very moment, you’re failing #6 because of how ashamed you are. How asinine your desires are. And how much of an asshole you’re being. Have you been called out on it yet? Not in so many words. Only look at what I’ve done and what you’ll do. Goodness! Not when she turns her back on you. Trust me, the mirror, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” How many friends have I talked to last week? I only need one hand and not even all of the fingers. It Doesn’t Matter… My advice? Don’t go walking around with your dick in your hand. Now that should be a secret. But your heart remains broken in all this. Existence? B A Secret Virgil.

847 Days Without B III, Day 288 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 326 ~Trust Me V… Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

Have I ever been cheated on… uh? Have I ever cheated? Flirted. The only thing that has cheated someone out of all of me? The goodest boy, my grief, giving people a reason not to trust me. Am I Aladdin, Jesus, or the government? “Trust Me V… Braxton.”

Tuesday, May 23, 2023

Saga 326 ~Trust Me V… Braxton~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now but what about the other stuff? Mind, body, and soul… This should be a given, hmm?

As a friend, father, effing buddy for life… Isn’t that called being a husband? Family? Braxton’s my only reliable reference. And he won’t be saying much out loud, my love. What about Virgil? He’s been here 283 days. I know where his problem lies. TRUST. Virgil is right? Since “The Pic Phenomenon,” I can’t say I trust myself. Did I ever? If it ain’t music, it’s movies, so allow me my Nic Cage as Cameron Poe moment… “There’s only two men I trust. One of them’s me. The other’s not you.” The other guy… B III. Braxton knows everything about me. Well, now he does, wherever he is now. I’m sorry. Love, I trust you now. Again, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.”

You would have figured I’d learn my lesson. My son couldn’t trust me to save his life, love. I effing tried! And here come the waterworks. He trusted me, and I failed my boy. Every single day I fail myself. I wake up, hit the alarm, and WHAM! One more day failed, and so to all the rest… “You cannot hurt me,” I want to scream! Of course, anyone can; trust. And who am I in the grand scheme of things? How badly I want anonymity. This is the very thing I took. Though I meant no animosity. But for this anomaly in my moral code. Desire is desire. But would I break our trust for it? I did his, theirs, and as always mine.

How dare I ask you to trust me again, and with what? That “Whenever you call me, I’ll be there.” When I’m not thinking about Thursday, May 18, 2023? Let’s say Sunday, August 13, 2023. Virgil’s “Gotcha Day.” How many days I’ve believed my last? Happiness? Do you trust me to find my happiness? The love? I haven’t had that since a birthday I had. And I was pretty young. “What the Hell is going on?” I’m sure people will ask, “With all these things that I’ve done.” Did I feel good doing them? Yes. Am I guilty, my love? Yes. Gross? Sure. Being a “man.” But for you, our younglings… Yo Braxton, you there? And even Virgil and them. Trying! Trust Me V… Braxton

842 Days Without B III, Day 283 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 324 ~Forget B Nots Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I wish I drank more… or at all. But you can ask Braxton’s Aunt about that. One glass of wine, and I was done. Everything is or was a blur. Seems that way for all addictions. Alcohol, Areolas, and America. But I’ll never forget B. Forget B Nots Virgil

Sunday, May 21, 2023

Saga 324 ~Forget B Nots Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But can you even remember what you want to do with your life? Excuse me, your existence.

Noted. You’re only six hours into it and “trying.” Hell! I had most of the week, and what did I do with it? Do you want the truth? It’d be better if I shut up. Start fresh… Inevitable. It’s like thinking of Braxton. Your dog. You dying. And your effing dong. As the song “Every morning when I wake up…” What? Will you start today differently? You want my advice. No! That’s faster than one of my nephews rejecting to see pictures of Virgil. The things you want to forget. How you STUNK at Granddaddy’s funeral. Trying to be helpful? Or that chocolate cake you left sitting in the fridge forever. Can we not talk about food and the man wasting away? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING All Tied Up by Imogen Linn
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 004 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

You, of course, know what one of those things should be, with how I’ve been effing up number 4 plenty. And for you… it’s like when people watch those killers on TV. Well, I’m no killer. See, that right there! Did you forget the crime you committed the original sin? Braxton is dead! Only yesterday morning when I called out to him. I effing forgot. Medications. B takes one every twelve hours and the other every twenty-four. Three pills a day. And there I was, trying to read the long faded labels remembering such failure. That might explain the other crime I was doing. I’m glad you have Virgil sleeping at the foot of the bed. You see him. As for me. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

It’s all been a blur. And I mean worse than Japanese porn. And no, you don’t have any racist connotations to that. You mean in general. Or should you say genitals? Stop for a second, will you? This week you will do far worse. Morning? Again, you forget what happened to Braxton, right? You’re imagining all the sins that are out there. Last night, I even looked up such a person who effed up to try and remind myself not to do those things ever. Hell! All you have to do is look in the mirror. One more reason to miss B III’s eyes, hmm. He always saw you as better. And Virgil? Wondering why he sleeps like you. In dreams, Forget B Nots Virgil.

840 Days Without B III, Day 281 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 319 ~Braxton’s Mom Before Virgil’s~

WillLeave a comment

I wasn’t a good man when Braxton was here. But I was far better than now. Listening to audiobooks. Todd discusses the difference between an orgy and a gangbang. Surprised I don’t have a wife yet. I Wish B had met her. “Braxton’s Mom Before Virgil’s.”

Tuesday, May 16, 2023

Saga 319 ~Braxton’s Mom Before Virgil’s~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now but before… Well, I was a different “man.” I’d even say less of one. Being honest

And not fair at all. If anything, I don’t want to go sounding like the GOP. But I have always been one for the Nuclear family unit. Two parents and 2.5 kids. Half? Please, Braxton! Yeah, if you don’t know by now and you do. You being you. I had to find a woman that got me. Anyway, Braxton was/is my whole world. Only this world got a lot bigger. Today marks 835 days without my firstborn son. My Braxton. How I wish you could have met him. Would it be easier? Me being a single father. Hell! Should I even say it like that? And today of all days? I’m time traveling. So it’s Sunday, May 14, 2023. How about it’s Mother’s Day? Hmm?

I wish I could say I’ve been busier. You are the mother of all our beautiful children. I did say 2.5. Right? With all the money we have… I want a lot. Fatherhood and manhood. And speaking of things I should stop thinking… My GOP ideology. But I have money. Or is it my father’s? Money equals love. Has he ever felt that? Unconditional love… I wished my Ma a Happy Mother’s Day, and she would beat my ass thinking of my Old Man as such. Only I look at what I’m asking of you. Well, that I’m hoping you’ll feel. Braxton. A love for the furry son you’ve never met, and here I have Virgil Vivi amongst all our two-legged children. “What is Love?”

I shouldn’t have to ask that, and I don’t. At least not when it comes to me pouring the Bisquick and you making pancakes. I do mean the kids that we made together. “My Love.” But why do you think I call B pancake? He couldn’t haven’t been more mine. Braxton, He’s My Son. He will always be. I sing, “Nothing’s gonna change my world.” But the “man” I am, and the woman I hold you to be… To love Braxton as I do. Virgil? I don’t have favorites when it comes to our children. Friend, favorite parent, a father. Love my Braxton. Love our kids, love me, and love Virgil. Could you love the man I was, where you were Braxton’s Mom Before Virgil’s?

835 Days Without B III, Day 276 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 317 ~Mommy, B III, Vivi…~

WillLeave a comment

Think Mom. The fact that I even remembered and that’s because I hung signs at the Day Job. And if mom had a chance to rethink it… uh, that would be another conversation. My sister should be an only child… But my worries today? Mommy, B III, Vivi

Sunday, May 14, 2023

Saga 317 ~Mommy, B III, Vivi…~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, so it’s all about me. What about you? Always the selfish prick. There’s Ma, Braxton, Virgil Vivi…

What is a list of your priorities? What about a list of your loves? V’s not there yet. Ouch! Okay, um, start over… Today is Mother’s Day. That’s the truth you can hold on to. Millionaires and Billionaires take care of their Olds. Something else you need to look up. Oh, that’s right; what have you been looking up today? I know this is so “freaking” hard right now. For the love of everything, will you stop for a sec? Take a deep breath. Hmm… It’s Mother’s Day, and as the song goes, “I’ll Always Love My Mama.” Facts, thankfully. But what else can you say about your Ma? Besides her paying some, if not all, of your bills, sigh… List? Like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Mesmerizing Caroline – The Contract (Erotica)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 128 No Fap)* Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

As I said, plain selfish. But wasn’t I yesterday? Last night as I sat meditating, I was told to think positively about a good friend. My effing mind didn’t think of B or V. Friend? Anyway, it wasn’t my Ma either. Only it was a mom. Braxton’s Aunt Carolina. Great. Now what about that list? There’s your Ma, Braxton’s Aunt, and your sister. Not to mention all the other moms you know from one place or another. Facebook, Instagram… Onlyfans? Yes, you’re going to get to that. If only you had the time. Your Ma had time for you, hmm? There’s something pretty effed up you wanted to say, but not today. You’re here, alive. But what does that mean? For her? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING (Determining)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You owe your Ma. So tell yourself the truth. Where is all of your money, moments, and manhood going? At least your sister gave her grandchildren. What was Braxton? Family. And even now, the only family you’re concerned with is a plethora of MILFS. Today? Please! There’s been one in a video here or there. Uh… But it’s been about women you want to make mothers. Breeding has never been an all-consuming fetish of yours. You should save this conversation for another time, but still. Gifts for mothers, particularly yours? What about the truth? That’s what’s bothering you this morning. Cherry doesn’t want motherhood and now knows you’re STUPID. Eurovision? Where’s B III’s Aunt today? And M Anime? Happy Mother’s Day. Mommy, B III, Vivi…

833 Days Without B III, Day 274 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 312 ~Braxton Would Cheat, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Braxton couldn’t cheat death; none of us can. On people, pay, and pleasures. I’ve never been one for Love and Happiness. But I am Hopelessly Devoted to You… if your name is grief or a specific pleasure. Cheater? Braxton Would Cheat, Virgil.

Tuesday, May 9, 2023

Saga 312 ~Braxton Would Cheat, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I wouldn’t even need that to be my old man. He cheated on my Ma.

Yeah, this ain’t the week for this. Right? And this was a long time ago. I have a half-brother I’ve never met, around college age. No love there. Love and time, isn’t that right, love? Other than being a provider, I don’t want to be anything like my “father.” Never. Cheating, though? I was thinking about that Sunday, May 7, 2023. Not like that… Please! I have many views on such, but I’m not talking about love. Love. No, the other love. My B III. How often have I said Virgil’s name today compared to B’s? Uh, Good Morning. Hell! Even before you, there was Braxton. Then us… And with Virgil Vivi, there was, “V, you need a bath? I’ll take you to get one.”

It’s all that walking in the yard. At some point, it’s going to get mowed. Such a little thing, a husband mowing the lawn. I was raised on TRADITION! Fiddler on the Roof, I’m sorry. Not for the singing. Nope! That’s always been me. Pop Culture Whore… We’ll get there. I mean for cheating on life, not you, my wife but life with death. Oh, I’m in love with it. The only reason to wake up is that I move a bit closer to it. Step by Step… more music? Yeah. Ma was a big fan of The Preacher’s Wife and Whitney Houston. I remember. Anyway, I have to get her something for Mother’s Day. And you as well. A mom to such beautiful children.

I’ll forever be grateful that they take after you and not me. Do I feel cheated? Not at all, love. Now, Braxton, I swear I think he was in love with Aunt Carolina. Those boobies? Someday, I won’t be so juvenile when it comes to those. Oh, like one day I won’t think about B? That’s like telling me not to think about sex ever. Ask Cherry about that, ha-ha. It’s like me wanting to have a threesome or thoughts of us becoming “Swingers,” right? I mean, not now. And I’m not a cheat. Not with you, and again there’s B, but here is V. Like the song, Is This Love? Could You Be Loved? Braxton’s big heart. Mine’s broken. Death. Braxton Would Cheat, Virgil

828 Days Without B III, Day 269 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 310 ~I’ll B Listening, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I wish I could tell everyone at the Day Job. When B barked, cried, and even the click clacks of his nails on the floor. He was helping me out. People make noise to make noise. Then there’s Virgil, who doesn’t make a sound. “I’ll B Listening, Virgil.”

Sunday, May 7, 2023

Saga 310 ~I’ll B Listening, Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. I need you to hear me on this. Alas, I don’t have boobs. You don’t have balls.

Like father, like son. But V is not your son. Now, B III? Are you listening to him at all? God! You hope not. Considering; the first thing you heard this morning was Zero 7’s song, “Destiny.” And Rock-A-Bye by Black Buddafly. One of these things is not like the others. Destiny, though… any song that mentions porn gets your vote immediately. No wonder B hasn’t been around besides being dead and all. I mentioned effing up on the 30th. It could be worse. I’ve often said I’m a Pop Culture Whore. As you will be. Unless it comes to The Coronation of Charles III and Camilla. The Kentucky Derby, and even WWE Backlash. There’s been so much noise this week; with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Mesmerizing Caroline, The Society (BDSM Erotica)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 121 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 128 No Fap)*
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Failing to do them once again. When was the last time you heard the sound of success and victory? When was the last time somebody called you a winner? You need time. Hell! You were up on time this morning, and what did you do? Don’t be like me. That’s my advice. And there’s another F-Word you should try to avoid. You won’t put it into the universe, but it involves the Day Job. This week won’t be so bad… But you need to write. Fuck! Yeah. I’ve been trying to avoid that word. And you should too. But you’re a big boy, according to Carolina Bound. As the song goes, “I take a look at my enormous penis,” ha. Bigger than, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined (Mesmerizing Caroline series?)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 128 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because speaking of fucking, that’s one of the things you’re most concerned with, isn’t it. Always. Friend, when the girl you wanted to fuck, doesn’t want to fuck you anymore… As the song goes, “That’s how you know you fucked up.” Accept my apology. Never? Hell! You won’t find out this week, given her track record. But I am sorry I screwed this up for you. Racism is more noise you don’t need. So instead, you’ll be listening to what? I count four songs so far. And what were you beating off to this morning before you went back to sleep? Azura Skye and Alyson Hannigan from Buffy, Conversations With Dead People. That’s how I feel talking to you. But Braxton? I’ll B Listening, Virgil.

826 Days Without B III, Day 267 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 305 ~Meditations Of B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

So what did I expect from meditation? Once upon a time, B’s breathing was life. The awareness of him. Then the silence. Virgil breathes too. But he doesn’t make a peep unless I leave. And what about the family I want someday? Meditations Of B, Virgil

Tuesday, May 2, 2023

Saga 305 ~Meditations Of B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That goes to show I’m not a great man. Nowhere near. Neither peaceful, as perverted, promising

Not like Marcus Aurelius. Hell! I don’t know anything about him. (Snickers) I did watch Gladiator… The four chief virtues: Wisdom, justice, fortitude, and temperance… Speaking of royalty. There is Queen Ramonda of Wakanda. “What construct does your mind create when you think of your (son)? Does it bring you comfort or torment?” Dicking around as I mourn my son. Not even watching the films but the movie reactions, love. And why not? My last meditations haven’t yielded anything. How long has it been, hmm? Braxton’s been dead for 821 days. So Virgil’s been here 262. You meant meditating. Right? At this rate, 31 days? But today, Friday, April 28, 2023, all I have done… I’ve cut on YouTube and watched fictional and/or better people.

Yes, I know Marcus Aurelius is real. I need to read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Braxton may have led me to such a book. One more book I need to read. It’s either this or Succubus 8 (Riddles And Revenge). I could go with MEAT by Joseph D’Lacey. I’ve been meaning to get into the works of Matt Shaw. And I told Lady Sophia about The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. What’s one more title about dead fur babies? Moaning, grieving. Again, it’s Friday, so I’m in a literary state of mind despite Braxton’s passing. Always. Plus, books are a form of meditation for me. Better to spend money on books than on women’s mammaries. I have you, my beautiful wife, and my business. Happy?

You know me, baby girl. I’m never happy… Effing said that out loud? Happiness… Honestly. As the song goes, “I Believe in a Thing Called Love.” And “I Believe in You and Me.” Shouldn’t I say I believe in the “Power of Love?” I believe in the power of music. Better yet, I “Believe in the Beat.” Whatever I can stick in my ears short of seeing the Doc again. The last thing I need is my ear shooting another bukkake scene. Ha-ha! But what’s the first thing I need? I can’t have my Braxton back. And meditating… Awareness and silence it’s confusing. I have no wise words for you or our children. Only I love you. That enough? Braxton’s wisdom? Meditations Of B, Virgil

821 Days Without B III, Day 262 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will