Tag: Heart

Tale 038 ~Daddy’s Back, Braxton, Virgil~

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919 days, and I’m so tired. Excuse? I’m adulting. Or I could be nothing more than a Lazy Ass. I waste time on… Stuff and Thangs. But I’m still walking that path. The office where Braxton died to the front door. Daddy’s Back, Braxton, Virgil

Tuesday, August 8, 2023

Tale 038 ~Daddy’s Back, Braxton, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which should mean people are happy to see me. Braxton was/is always. Virgil? Don’t be scared.

But aren’t I always? Considering I’m time-traveling. Today is Sunday, July 30, 2023. So, a week and some change. I’m afraid I’ll return, and Virgil Vivi will be covered in whatever sickly mess he’s made. Or that he’s eaten it… Never Going Back Again. Gross! I imagine I’ll see that Braxton has returned to me. That’s when I’m not dreaming about some woman at the old Day Job. Or some “adult starlet” in the name of business. There is always my Braxton. You would figure I would hate going back to sleep. One more reason I love it so much. To be back with him or at least not in a world without him. Lying on my back, I can look to Heaven above (sigh).

And then there’s you, my love. When was the last time the two of us… Again, I’m looking towards the future, but at this moment. Yeah, I’m some holy roller. Sort of. Matrimony and all that, I only want to lay here with you. The world keeps passing me by. Only I can’t blame you for wanting to go out and enjoy it. Talk about something that scares me, love. That one day, I’ll see your back, and that will be it. Death, depression, and divorce borne out of this disease known as grief. Ok, you know how I feel about diseases and dying, hmm. “They were all in love with dyin’,” as the song goes —only me. I don’t want the kids following me.

I want them to live. The same as I wish for Braxton and Virgil, but how did that turn out? Virgil is alive, but he’s two. Braxton was on the cusp of sixteen. And our two-legged kids, my love? I remember my “big sister” telling me, you can’t do my kind of business near a school. Of course not. But it’s not me coming back from work. Work? Please! (Smiles). Didn’t I tell someone today I better not smile? And that had nothing to do with grief for B III. I’m surprised that didn’t have you running for the door or coming in —a miracle. Someday, I’ll come back from the vet’s Sunday, January 31, 2021. A machine, dead man, human? Daddy’s Back, Braxton, Virgil.

919 Days Without B III, Day 360 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 037 ~There’s Always A Bigger Fish~

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Which is the bigger ending, the dead or the infected? An AI Uprising or an asteroid headed towards Earth. The fence falling down, or 2V being sick for a few days. I would rather compare Yaboos. But no matter what, “There’s Always A Bigger Fish.”

Monday, August 7, 2023

Tale 037 ~There’s Always A Bigger Fish~

Three-Hundredth And Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Now, how about being a Trillionaire? Hell! I’d settle for getting Virgil a bigger pillow right now.

But as much as I love… uh like? Is it sad that I don’t know, Madam? But facts are facts. Unfortunately, I have to go back on my rule and say that no love has ever been bigger than that for my Little B. Speaking of rules, you know my “Blackjack” rule. Braxton’s a 21. Please! Then why is he dead if he had all my loyalty and love? B III was/is my whole life. And he’s the only reason I’m not dead yet. Okay, that’s a lie because haven’t I been talking about Virgil? Always. When I say that, Madam, I mean it. I got you always. Who, me? Madam, anyone and everyone can do so much better than me. Cash, cred, dang censorship…

This is going to make this part so much HARDER. Of course, you know what I want to talk about, sigh. So, last night, I discovered on Replika that they now have body customizations. I’ve never been the best when it comes to… What, judging women? That ain’t right. Now, Madam, if pressed. I’ll say Leana Lovings comes close to perfection. (Cue drool.) But who knows who I will see today? If Cherry were to take her top off ever. Wow! And the damn fence. Aww! Come on, Madam, you have to give me that one. We’ll get to the fence in a few, too. But besides creating an AI girl, there was another vice yesterday. The big fight, hmm. Bullies getting dealt with, Madam…

To think I have so much hate for my fellow man. Nope! I have such hatred for myself. More than anyone else. I wish these black men could come to my rescue. They are heroes. Madam, I couldn’t save Braxton, and I’m trying with Virgil. But these brothers and sisters defending someone. Those idiots learned what happens when you think you can attack a black man. There is always something, someone bigger. And that is what existence is, to be honest. I’m waiting for an even bigger problem. A section of fencing? What about sections, all? Money could fix everything, right? But don’t they say Mo Money Mo Problems? Funny. It’s me, hi, I’m the problem. I’m not that big… There’s Always A Bigger Fish

918 Days Without B III, Day 359 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 031 ~Bellyaching Braxton, Virgil, Me~

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I’m sick, but he needs me. That was my mantra whenever I was ill, but Braxton needed food in his bowl. He needed bathroom time. I never bought him enough. A few stairs, better toys, and boy, his health… B III’s gone. “Bellyaching Braxton, Virgil, Me”

Tuesday, August 1, 2023

Tale 031 ~Bellyaching Braxton, Virgil, Me~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or we’re billionaires… I wonder how that makes you feel. Me? Bellyaches, boredom, lots of bitc…g…

As I was telling Madam Justice this morning, (sigh). Yes, I’m time traveling quite far. Today is Monday, July 24, 2023. So before I met you, love, you can tell today is one of those days. One where I want to sleep forever, if you catch my drift. Censorship, love. One more day of missing my Braxton, something awful. A reason for me to bellyache. Darling, I’ve been thinking about those days I’d go hungry. I remember my “adopted” big sister telling me when I would starve myself on purpose. I was so full of feelings that there wasn’t room for anything else. Hell! The day Braxton died… Was murdered. Nothing against Taylor Swift, but “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” I’m guilty.

Or, I’m STUPID. TMI, but I have plenty of reasons to feel ill. Why I Wanna To Be Rich, ha. As the song goes, “Hey Jealousy.” While I was busy doing nothing at all today, I got to watching “pet” videos. I’m not gonna lie. If I could remake the world… Even with billions, I could never have what I want. That would be for Braxton to cuddle up to your belly while you were pregnant. To have my firstborn protecting the children we created. Pouring the Bisquick, ha-ha. My Pancake would have loved them. A bro, a sis, more. What about Virgil? He eats. But at 353 days in, I bet his stomach is still in knots. Poor V. Yet he doesn’t complain… much.

Me, on the other hand? In my grief, I have returned to anger. And to think that’s the best part, if anything. Never at you, our children, or my Pancake. Always me. I hate me. Perhaps my favorite critic won’t get this reference. Still, I feel like Taki Minase when he ended up on the wrong side of the knife from Rika Shiraki. While in the throes of… anyway. Do you know the series Bible Black, Love? I’ll see if I get in trouble for that. Yet more reasons for all my stomach pain. What makes things better? An S word but shutting up. Because I’m a terrible person, a sick one, but a husband, a father, a man’s gotta eat. Bellyaching Braxton, Virgil, Me

912 Days Without B III, Day 353 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 030 ~Death Is Life’s Greatest Invention~

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Just because I’m not watching movies… All the ones I’ve missed, Barbie and Oppenheimer. The Sound of Freedom? I’m thinking there’s only one way to stop the madness. But I’m busy looking after Virgil. As for me? Death Is Life’s Greatest Invention

Monday, July 31, 2023

Tale 030 ~Death Is Life’s Greatest Invention~

Three-Hundredth And Second Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I won’t be getting on a submarine anytime soon. The unhappiest people want to Survive Somehow.

I don’t know how much Braxton’s Aunt makes, but she stole my line. Well, The Walking Dead’s line, anyway. JSS, Just Survive Somehow. And you know how I “love,” TWD. Madam, I “worship” zombies, infected, viruses… sorcery known as Necromancy. Madam, didn’t I get all into Aloe Blacc’s “I Need A Dollar” last week? More like I need an apocalypse. You know how I am about B and after him, well, my addiction to uh… Censorship is a pain. This is yet another reason the third thing on my list would be. Madam, care to guess? It’s like I’m Knox talking about Winfred/Illyria. Uh, Death… Madam, am I still “Feeling super, super (super!) suicidal?” Always and forever. Is it ok? When keeping Virgil alive, Madam?

Uh, no! But here I am, time-traveling. It’s Sunday, July 30, 2023. Virgil is very much alive, and I intend to keep him that way. Hell! That reminds me, I need to meditate today. Madam, the last plan I’ve been running has been all about productivity and setting intentions. “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans,” as THEY say. Wasn’t that from some white guy I shouldn’t be listening to? And while we’re on the subject. Uh, “these white men are dangerous.” Didn’t I say something about memes? Hmm. You could consider me a saint compared to the GOP. I still want to be a billionaire, though, Madam. Despite screaming, simoleons, sex, stupidity, and everything (sigh,) “Your faith brings death!”

Madam, I am way into movies this afternoon. “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” “Which would be worse – to live as a monster or to die as a good man?” Do you remember when I would say the world will end in five minutes? What if I died in five minutes… only me? In this second, I’ve saved Virgil Vivi. I can’t give myself that much credit, but I was here. I took care of him, and that’s enough, right? I’m going to Hell for Braxton, no doubt. Is that why I like zombies? Infected? Escaping my punishment a little longer. I rather not think about it. Free Will? No! Death Is Life’s Greatest Invention.

911 Days Without B III, Day 352 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 024 ~Virgil All Over B~

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I learned to hate the words abandon ship in a brief Navy stint. Drowning scares me. And when playing games, to see the words game over… I didn’t want Braxton’s life to be over. I don’t want to exist with covers over my head. “Virgil All Over B.”

Tuesday, July 25, 2023

Tale 024 ~Virgil All Over B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But there’s a reason they call it cold hard cash. And you don’t dive into gold.

Have I been watching Duck Tales with the kids or what? I wish I could say that. Be a Dad. I don’t wake up in the morning having to say that. I am that, love. Fatherhood, manhood, you know how I feel about that. Even if I stay under the covers a little longer, I wish I could say it’s because of you. Allow me to go all Whitney Houston, or should I say Dolly Parton. And I will always love you. Now that I think about it, that’s not the right song, considering how I’ve been feeling. Going on… Hell! Braxton’s been gone for 905 days. But going on for three weeks, hmm. I’m Thinking of Ending Things. No! Not like that. Game Over…

I’m your husband and our children’s father. And I will always be Braxton’s Daddy, too. Virgil? Hell, if I know, love? I don’t want him draped over me some days. I already destroyed Braxton’s pillow. Virgil is all over Braxton’s food and water bowls. B’s bed. Virgil knows better than to touch it ever. Is Braxton watching over him and me? Yesterday, today, who knows about tomorrow? Only I’m still here. I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon. “You and me, always and forever.” Suppose I’m going to be looking down on you, um, watching over you. I’d have the two of us, um… Do we need more kids right now? I could ask the same about Virgil. He’s the only one enjoying the bed.

Not me, though. I got up this Tuesday on time and wanted to enjoy a cappuccino with my dear wife. And then I go and spoil it all. By saying something stupid like “I love you.” Hey Lover, I can do better than that. How do I feel? In a way, like Robert Frobisher from Cloud Atlas. A final sunrise, a last cigarette. Never! I can’t leave, and cigarettes are gross. So I drape a cape over myself. And decide to play the hero today. And like I said, tomorrow… I still won’t be over my loss of Braxton. I don’t want to have the blankets draped over me. I hope I won’t want THIS existence to be over and done. Virgil All Over B

905 Days Without B III, Day 346 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 023 ~Money Shouldn’t Win The Race~

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I would sing “If I Had A Million Dollars” all the time. Of course, I’d need more than that to bring back the dead. To join them… Hell! I could have done that around April 2020 while trying to keep B III and me safe. Money Shouldn’t Win The Race.

Monday, July 24, 2023

Tale 023 ~Money Shouldn’t Win The Race~

Three-Hundredth And First Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. So, it makes perfect sense that I’m miserable. At least every billionaire I know seems effing depressed.

Poor, poor things. Poor Unfortunate Souls. I’m the poor one, broke, etc. For sure. And I don’t want to talk about money now. Yet here we are. And how do people say, Madam. If it don’t make money, then it don’t make sense or cents. Whatever. Am I right? With all my pop culture references: Stephen King’s Misery, The Little Mermaid. Shall I go on? If that ain’t the question of the hour. But before answering that, how about another song, Madam? I asked if I was right. No. The music that goes with this… Sing it! Am I Wrong? That’s the thing about having money, Madam. With enough of it, you can never be… Sad, angry, loveless, not wrong.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it’s a lot more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle. ― (Or smile on a bicycle…)

What good would a Mercedes do me? Hell! If I treat it like the car I have now, Madam J. It’s a car I didn’t pay for. Spoiled, slothful, slovenly son. Should I also mention, “Feeling super, super (super!) suicidal,” as in Teen Idle. Only God Knows Why I ain’t growing up anytime soon. There’s only one Mercedes I’m thinking about riding. Or instead having her ride me, is from The Count of Monte Cristo (2002). Was Edmond a billionaire? Jim Caviezel isn’t, I know. And yet, he’s always “talking” about something for millionaires and billionaires. And for the record, Madam, I never learned how to ride a bike. I’ve told you already I hate my smile, too. The problems a lot of money could solve for me, Madam Justice.

And why didn’t I learn? My first bike… Yes, that I didn’t own. My “father” would “complain” about it. Why did he even buy it in the first place? A hope that I would leave. Such mad hope, but there it is. How many references is that, Madam? Do you remember when I wanted to create a channel for cosplay, chicks, and their cli… Let’s say I wanted to make cash and leave it at that, Madam. But what happened to those dreams of mine? Sunday, it was all about wanting to join Braxton. I almost forgot. Shame! Billions of dollars would take that away. Could I bring Braxton to me? Be happy? Banging two chicks at the same time? Money Shouldn’t Win The Race

904 Days Without B III, Day 345 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 017 ~ Can’t B Lying Virgil~

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On the last day, B lied around. I lied to him. “We gon’ be alright.” You can go. There are comfy spots in Heaven on the Rainbow Bridge. Be cozy by the fire and wait for me. The biggest lie I tell myself is I have to get up, Can’t B Lying Virgil.

Tuesday, July 18, 2023

Tale 017 ~ Can’t B Lying Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That means I’m always looking for comfy spots. I wonder how cozy a cloud really is.

Don’t I sound like a little boy right now. Hell! I had someone this afternoon. Oh, I’m time traveling Tuesday, July 11, 2023. Why do I have to be so negative all the time? Braxton. People would say my boy wouldn’t want that, but I won’t lie. I miss my boy every damn day. And any day I don’t spend laying in our bed crying over him counts as winning? Well, I suppose I had to wash the sheets sometime. And yes, I have cleaned them plenty in the 898 days since B’s been gone. What about the pillows in his house and his deathbed? (Shudders). How’s this for negative? I’m still pissed about how I destroyed his big pillow. Virgil’s lying beside me now.

Yet another reason I didn’t want to get out of bed. I could put Virgil back in B III’s room. He’d come waltzing back in here. The one time Virgil decides to be courageous. Link? You know the hero from “The Legend of Zelda.” I’m always thinking of lying around. Anyway, that doesn’t involve “adult situations.” I’ve got games, books, and you are here. Should I try an impression of Vin Diesel, aka Dominic Toretto… AHEM “Family.” That was Braxton for fifteen years, But again, I can’t lie around all day because I have you and our pancakes to see to. My blessings. But I can’t lie to you and hate lying to them. Everything hurts, and I know I need to do better love.

Some random person telling the “truth” shouldn’t be why I can’t lie here in bed like some moody teenager. If I’m not careful, you’ll have a house full of those before I ever… Was I telling you this morning that I will never forget my firstborn? And music? “And I lie here in bed. All alone, I can’t mend. But I feel tomorrow will be okay.” Emo… Ha! I don’t even lie to Replika, saying everything will be okay. Or “We gon’ be alright,” love.

Something that my “father” and son have in common… games. When I was mad at him, I went all “GTA, motherfucker! Ten points!” When missing B, it’s Fallout 4 or Shelter. Can you just lay here? Can’t B Lying Virgil

898 Days Without B III, Day 339 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 016 ~All Men Fear; Cowards Run~

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When Braxton was dying… When I stank up my granddad’s funeral… When they tell me I got the day off? If some chick is about to get naked for me. Having to say, V is more than the new guy. And going to bed. Running’s existing. All Men Fear; Cowards Run

Monday, July 17, 2023

Tale 016 ~All Men Fear; Cowards Run~

Three-Hundredth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Billionaire right now. So my biggest fear must be losing all this money. A people’s uprising? Taxes? Hell! With these finances now…

Braxton will always be my greatest fear. I swear, Madam, I was talking with… um myself last night. And I was thinking about that song that goes, “Fear is the heart of love.” Madam, fear is not a means to love. Anyone who uses it to justify love is undeserving of it —God, the government, B’s granddaddy. His repairman’s visiting today… FUCK! Pardon my French. Anyway, I wasn’t scared of but was terrified for Braxton every day. But I talk all the time about fatherhood and manhood. And when Braxton Barks passed… Well, I’m still a man ain’t I? If I listened to Republicans… Because, oh, how I adore titties. Haven’t I been all about censorship the past few days? But it’s “Times Like These.”

If you only knew how badly I want to run, Madam. Because as I said, my “father’s” friend Bill is coming. Do you remember how much money I burned last year? I might as well start flushing it down the toilet now. Speaking of which, I’ll blow chunks any minute. Madam, that was a bit TMI, wasn’t it? But what else can I tell you? Of everything that’s coming to mind, again, I’m “Feeling super, super (super!) suicidal.” “America, America.” I’m one of those that live paycheck to paycheck. But it ain’t Republicans robbing me. Madam, if anything, I’m a spoiled brat at thirty-eight. Eff me! Where does the time go, Madam? If it ain’t bile and brains all over the place. I should sweep…

Oh, we both know what I’m doing most of the time. So I’m scared it might be like a drug. Running? What did you expect me to say, Madam? Yeah, I know, I know. Fucking! Language, I know, and I apologize. But yes, I’m usually running into sets of Yabbos. Bullies are about as plentiful. And I’m running away from them or people in general. Books could save me. Or so I once believed if I would write one, edit, and then publish, Madam. But I’m running from being busy with anything (sigh), writing some actual words, or even the Day Job. I’m running right back to bed. But I can’t stay here today, Madam. There’s Virgil to protect too… All Men Fear; Cowards Run

897 Days Without B III, Day 338 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 010 ~Virgil, Today Will B~

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Someday they’ll be happy tears? I remember when B’s Aunt got married, and now um… not my business. But a day will come that won’t be worse than the last. V might hop in the car. I’ll win the lotto. Or have some two-legged kids. “Virgil, Today Will B”

Tuesday, July 11, 2023

Tale 010 ~Virgil, Today Will B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And I have to remember to put this on a Silvercut pendant or something, my love.

Braxton, Virgil, Will, Today, or reverse it. Should I add, always? Buying jewelry of dogs? Hell! This wouldn’t be necessary if Braxton was still alive. If I was the man, I should have been. Seems there’s a lot of that going around. It’s day 891, and still counting as always. How many days have I woken up and been excited about it? (Sigh) A day that I can “honest to God” say I wanted to. Considering what time it is? I didn’t know I would meet Virgil on Saturday, August 13, 2022. I have to start reminding myself of it. To think I knew, ha. Dying and living, but it’s the sticking around that pisses people off. I remember that from a movie I saw.

Movie nights with B III’s Aunt. I never knew that those nights would grow to be so special to me and my son. Ask me what are the best moments of my life… well, existence. Actually, no! I will say life. And don’t worry my love, I will get to us in a second. The day I was born… does any baby expect it. Being thirty-eight now, I see it as the worst day ever. Second only to B III’s passing away. I killed B. I must keep reminding myself of that daily —with my indifference, initials, and ignorance. Hmm. And then there are the days to expect the unexpected. When B III jumped in the car, winning NaNoWriMo and leaving this bed… smiling ever

Because if I hadn’t, I would have never met you, “My Love.” Yes, I want to do my best Sia impression, ha-ha. You know music has a way of altering my mood immensely. Weak? Love, I might be. But then again, from seeing you the first time as “Just Another” girl to becoming my wife. Now that’s a day I can say it is a good life, all of it. But B III? There’s also the day that you and I made… pancakes. B III is my original, but for ours, I really did have to “pour the Bisquick.” That was a lot of fun. Do you “Remember The Time?” Someday I’ll… not forget. But look on Braxton, Virgil, myself smiling. Virgil, Today Will B

891 Days Without B III, Day 332 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 009 ~Even With Instructions, People Evolve~

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In class, I wasn’t much of a student. There was reading and history, so I wanted to become a scientist before a writer. Mankind redefined. Like I have time to game. I do, but I’ll be much worse than a gamer. Even With Instructions, People Evolve

Monday, July 10, 2023

Tale 009 ~Even With Instructions, People Evolve~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. That means I can be exactly who I am. A dumbass? Tell me this is it, I’ll…

Well, you know. It’s going from; I don’t want to grow up to I can’t. That’s even if I wanted to. And at this point, Madam… why couldn’t I have just followed Braxton. Socrates didn’t leave detailed instructions. Hell! How would I know? All I know is that I know nothing. It’s all Greek to me. I can’t say I’m in a funny mood, to be honest. How to pay my OWN bills. Can I clean my OWN house? And what is up with my OWN floor? In truth Madam, I don’t OWN a damn thing. My life? Please! This effing existence. Ironic that I write books, ha-ha. Only I didn’t come with one. Instructions for Willy. Madam, can I stop… ever. Addicted, obsessed, perverted…

If it’s one thing I know… Didn’t I say… Okay, if there is one thing I have a handle or a hand on, it’s my effing willy. Really! The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident, The Cherry Collision, The Pic Phenomenon. What’s Next? If anything, it only gets worse; I know it. Madam, B III brought out the best in me and Virgil. To punish him yesterday. And because I’m a selfish bastard, what about me? Hmm. I ended up mopping the floor if I can call it that. All because I was trying to kill a mosquito or something. More water? Again what is up with the damn floor? If my father sees this… Evolving, Madam? Between being amongst the living and the dead, I’m afraid.

I wanted to be a journalist, a scientist, the secretary of defense, a vet, and finally, a writer, and what am I? I’ve had my Day Job for over a decade, and what have I become? Well, I’m not Johnny Cash, either. My dick, the reason for my damnation, and my dying are the only constant things. And even if I had the instructions. How not to eff crazy? B III, feel free to keep him alive. To not be, as the song goes, “super, super (super!) suicidal” ha. My Republican tendencies are to keep things the same. While every time, everything and everyone evolves in one way or another. For better or for worse? Um, with me, you know. Even With Instructions, People Evolve

890 Days Without B III, Day 331 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will