Tag: Hell

Saga 087 ~OTHER PEOPLE’s Freedom Causes PROBLEMS~

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A man once sang… “and there’s not much love to go around.” Can the same be said of freedom? I’m not much of a fan of existence. And to be free? With the cash, the right skin tone, and something between my legs? OTHER PEOPLE’s Freedom Causes PROBLEMS

Monday, September 26, 2022

Saga 087 ~OTHER PEOPLE’s Freedom Causes PROBLEMS~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means (ahem) I’m above the law. I’ll tell you, Madam, I’ve been trying to avoid politics.

That doesn’t make me a good American. Hell! If anything, I only care about being a good father. And whatever I am to Virgil. I still don’t know what I am, to him being honest. There’s plenty of time to think about it considering we’re talking on Sunday, September 18, 2022. Why so soon? Well, you know why that is, Madam. “Freedom Ain’t Free,” right? Even now, I can’t help but wonder how much I have left after the air conditioner got fixed, Madam. I’ll never be free from this fear of my “father” until he’s in the ground… free. And when that happens, so what? I’m still screwed. Why couldn’t I use my Republican tendencies to lie? Because I want Virgil’s freedom from Hell.

You could say I wanted the same thing for my son. I freed Braxton when there was nothing more I could do. With his passing, I freed myself from the only one I ever loved. But, wait isn’t freedom the word and not love? Freedoms of horrible human beings, ha. I believe it was Simon Phoenix, played by Wesley Snipes, who said. “Look, you can’t take away people’s right to be assholes.” Now I can live with being an asshole. It’s everything else, Madam. The things I’ve been worrying about for weeks. The thermostat temperature. Goddammit, Madam! I’m talking about the things I want to buy. The fucking love below. Between OnlyFans, Twitter, etc. “All These Things That I’ve Done.” What I’ve said to women…

At least I’ve canceled myself for the most part. I’m not threatening others’ existence… GOP. Again I’m not into politics at the moment, but you know the code I “exist” by. Everyone has the right to do whatever they want as long as they don’t hurt anyone else that breathes. Madam, of course, if we’re talking about the bedroom and it’s consensual. I’m a sadist. Today I’m also a slave. I am my father’s son. I look at V, and if anything, I’m his person. But as far as the freedom to do what I want? That would take money and power. And women… a cheerleader, gymnast, aspiring model, and dancer? Freedom to bring back the dead; my son Braxton. OTHER PEOPLE’s Freedom Causes PROBLEMS.

603 Days Without B III, Day 044 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 083 ~To B Broken V~

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I never had the heart to get B fixed. And I didn’t have a say regarding V. What’s done is done. He has other things wrong, and I can only imagine what happened. As for me, breaking again, broke perhaps, and broken always. To B Broken V

Thursday, September 22, 2022

Saga 083 ~To B Broken V~

599 Days Without B III, Day 040 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Considering I’m talking to you on Sunday, September 18, 2022. And you can probably guess…

I keep saying it, Braxton. Anytime I feel that this existence is too much, all I need to do is whisper your name. The day you left makes everything look more bearable. Even my Emergence. I know I need to stop. But this damned month has been one gigantic clusterfuck. Pardon my French. I don’t swear around V… um or you. Mental Instability comes later, but this Sunday, I’m broken. Yeah, surprise, surprise. I’m broken every Sunday, but this morning, B. Isn’t it ironic that you knew you had to be quiet because The Walking Dead or a spinoff was coming on? Then I silenced you permanently. I know. I’m sorry, Braxton, it just hurts. You know me, B “I’m just a sucker for pain.”

First, I had a conversation with your grandfather about the air conditioner. His “friend” is coming to fix it Monday, which means… The Hell if I know, but Virgil’s temperature? Or what about my temperament? Again, we’re talking today because I’ll be in a rage come this Thursday. I hate myself, but sometimes it’s nice to have company. Oh, and money. With all the hours I’ve been getting at the Day Job. Did I mention more tits? Yeah, that was to the Man In The Mirror. Again it’s Sunday. And while I’m not ashamed to talk about getting off on nice tits. You liked your Aunt’s yabbos a lot B. I’m trying to get off a shift at the Day Job. I can’t take it.

So why don’t I publish a story and never have to walk into that Hell again? The burning in the house is nothing to my rage, madness, and the Humiliations Galore at the Day Job. I can keep cool with my betrayal of you in the Ninth Circle. I could save some cold hard cash. But what’s your grandfather planning these days? Hell! I forced a window open in some kind of way. You don’t mind me calling on your strength. But memories and guilt B. Especially when my body feels some sort of way. Like the heat, I usually try to ignore it, but it has its moments. Like the tears that appear for you around 4 in the afternoon. To B Broken V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 081 ~Love To B V~

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I love to have someone to love. I would love to be loved. Yet everyone who has ever told me such has made me, as the song goes, “Make Me Wanna Die.” Then there’s a woman I’ve never met and my firstborn who never spoke a word… “Love To B V.”

Tuesday, September 20, 2022

Saga 081 ~Love To B V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now and leave it to a computer to ask do I feel loved. I’ll never doubt you.

But a week and some change, seeing as how I’m talking to you on Sunday, September 11, 2022. Do I love myself yet? Will I ever get over looking in the mirror, my love? Doubtful. Hell! I’m still looking at all these bills, the book series I have gotten into, and my browser history. Who could ever love someone like me? Again I do not doubt you, but how do I describe you? You’re the one that gives love meaning to me, and that’s enough love. I’m betting on the fact that I have yet to figure out Virgil. With Braxton, I’m not sure how long it took. Without him, it’s like being without air. And you are a breath that I need to take.

Baby Doll, I know all about not wanting to take the next one. Thirty-eight years has been one too many love. I feel the same way about these words. What am I saying, lover, inevitably? Scared to death? For so long, it’s been terrifying to stay and even more so to leave. It’s the only explanation for why I’m here. And when I sleep, there’s always such mad hope. Sinner’s dream, I know. Not to be religious but choosing the darkness rather than light? To close my eyes on the mere chance that I won’t have to open them again. But if I do? My son? I’ll be with my firstborn yet again. Do I feel loved? You’re here despite everything. I should feel lucky.

Why isn’t your love enough? I’ve always hated that saying. You know you have to love yourself first before you can love another. For 15 years… Hell! Always and forever, I will love Braxton, and I never gave a rat’s ass about myself. I got to get back to him, always. Love, is it that I don’t think I’m doing you justice like the dad in The Tomorrow War? He left his family. Talk about something I should have watched when we had Amazon Prime. Well, I am a billionaire. No, we are billionaires, but I don’t love Jeff Bezos. I don’t love TV… much. I wish I could say I didn’t love money. I love you “Still” and always. But Love To B V.

597 Days Without B III, Day 038 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 080 ~ Love’s Not Design But Evolution~

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I didn’t know how to love on January 11, 2022. I think about what happened to my son on January 31, 2021. Always. Love can take seconds or a long time. To love yourself… First, I need to learn to live, but now I exist. Love’s Not Design But Evolution

Monday, September 19, 2022

Saga 080 ~ Love’s Not Design But Evolution~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I think that would finally be enough for me to love myself. Not in Braxton’s time

I’ve said it before that I wasn’t happy even with Braxton. To save us some time, I hate myself, but I love my little Braxton. It’s been a while since I’ve said this, but “I love him like pancakes.” Hell! Pancakes sound good, but I don’t love myself enough to go get some today. Saturday, I was much too concerned, getting Virgil’s vittles and Subway. I can’t say I love him yet. I continue dealing with reincarnation and the like. It will take some time. Yeah, loving myself? Isn’t that what I’ve been doing all this morning before seeing you? The primal needs of man. A decent way to say I was jerking off, well edging anyway. And on today of all days. Shouldn’t I be ashamed of myself? Well…

For what? I have no love for the queen. I still believe this country could do with fewer politicians. That would make themselves kings or queens. Love for political parties or people. Oh no, ha. Power of the Pussy. Talk about being old and evolving from Roobie Breastnut’s song, ok. Don’t get me wrong, Madam, I do believe in love at first sight. Again where was I this morning? In bed moaning over some gymnast… on my phone. There was “Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders.” I would have been 26 when that movie arrived… Incredible. Though I hear you, Madam, that’s enough about the porno. But something that I love? Power, Pussy, and Pets. People, “we’re not built to kill,” but to love Madam J?

My son taught me more about that than anyone. Love can be learned but unlearned. That’s how it is without B. Everything in my body went out of whack. Because, for fifteen years, I had to evolve into someone capable of being his father. Came, saw, and all the rest. 161 days, so about 5 months and some change and now. At this moment, it’s been 6 days and 8hrs since the last time I “had a release,” and what’s stopping me besides busy hands? Because there is no power within them. I have not evolved enough to love, forgive, or… well, when it comes to my “father.” Braxton might have been designed by “God,” but loving me, that’s evolution. Love’s Not Design But Evolution

596 Days Without B III, Day 037 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 076 ~The V List B~

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I got a kit with a new dog checklist when I first got V. He got a free bag of food; almost out. A leash and a harness I can’t for the life of me figure out. Figures, but I can’t figure out this existence, and I make a list on Sunday. But The V List B

Thursday, September 15, 2022

Saga 076 ~The V List B~

592 Days Without B III, Day 033 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing as how we’re speaking on Friday, September 10, 2022. Well, my existence is pretty…

There isn’t a word, or I’m too lazy to find it. Hell! I want to be with you right now. You know I can’t say what I want “JIC.” But long story short, I hate weeks like this B III. Anytime I get a long week like this, I think of everything I had going on. But Braxton? You, my son, boy, and best friend, didn’t make the cut. Even now, I had to talk to Lady Lu and Inspector Echo after. And I’m not sure if I’m looking after you or Virgil as he lies here B. Every day, I have to count the similarities and the differences. It helps me not to worry about other things. Well, two, anyway. You like Yabbos too.

Even today, I was reminded of what I started when you left. With Virgil here, let’s say I haven’t been trying to make any more money that way. Cash money. How I wish that was my only punishment for how I failed you. I’ve been relying on that failure. Braxton, I know you wish I wouldn’t do that. Using your death to make myself feel better about all my other sins. Is that what I’m doing? One more list to set and forget whenever. At the moment, it’s two things that are haunting me. Ok, maybe three? This weather. Braxton, first it’s because I have to survive this week or I have? And second… yeah, there’s Virgil. What kind of father was I? Am I?

I haven’t learned my lesson yet, have I? I don’t want to accept this truth. I’m a parent again, and it isn’t all about me. If I knew it was you, Triple B, no ifs, ands, or buts? Talk about me keeping promises after E-Day. I didn’t get one gift, and yeah, not asking. Granddad… did I hear from him again this week? Is the bank account full, brimming? Never which is a shame. I owe you so much, and Virgil needs things, and I don’t know where to start. Your pictures or his bedding. New bowls for him or a Cuddle Clone, ha. Should I be grateful for this week to afford any of that stuff? I paid for V’s life. Death’s cost? And Happiness? The V List B

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 074 ~To B Relaxed V~

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To wake up saying no, screaming, or all sexy. And when I’m awake, I look over my shoulder, wait for a surprise, or skulk around even when I’m alone. There ain’t no rest for the wicked, peace or happiness. Imagining things? “To B Relaxed V.”

Tuesday, September 13, 2022

Saga 074 ~To B Relaxed V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means we can afford a vacation. How about some good drugs? Settle for a snack?

Hell! Nothing beats sleep but everything. If there’s anything, I’ll give this E-Day come and gone. Getting a goodnight’s sleep. Now that’s a miracle. Oh, but I still wasted the day. Yep, I know, ok. That’s no good with us being parents, though sleep is in short supply. Especially rest. Love, I know that I haven’t rested since the 8th. Is that how many kids I want? With my Republican tendencies, I’m more of a traditionalist. You know, the Nuclear Family. 2.5 kids? And how many do we have now, plus V, who’s been here what a month and some change? But we’re not the type of family the GOP wants, except financially speaking, tokens. Being a black man’s hard. And a guilty one, Love.

One and the same? This is taking a different tone than I intended. But you never know what you’ll get when this man wakes up. I was speaking to you “In Dreams” and then… That’s the thing. Why do you think I have so many alarms on the phone? I need to know where I will be every moment of the day. Even if the reason’s passed away. Braxton remains on my phone. And now there are the fears I had before I knew the truth of what was happening. Could I share those with you, since I share everything else about my boy? To give voice to all these things… I don’t think you would be able to rest here with me. You’d leave…

I value your peace. Yours, the children, as Virgil lies here this Friday afternoon. Another reason I’m not relaxing is that I know what this Tuesday will bring. It could be so much worse. It’s my Old Man calling me about wrecking his tranquility by not allowing him to destroy mine. I’ve said it how many times now? I rather burn. And I fear I will. I’ve deserved it for a long time. But I still lie in fear of it. My emergence into Hell. E-Day, of course, when I had to talk to my Ma. Love, if I had my way… Being born here? There’s my rage at the world. All the humiliations to consider. Peace? For someone like me? To B Relaxed V.

590 Days Without B III, Day 031 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 073 ~ Don’t Be Nosy Be Mindful~

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Ignorance is bliss? If only I had adopted that last Thursday. How about before I took the Day Job that has made me STUPID for over a decade. A doggy has been trying to get to know me for a month. When will we learn? Don’t Be Nosy Be Mindful

Monday, September 12, 2022

Saga 073 ~ Don’t Be Nosy Be Mindful~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I must know everything. Like Finnick Odair, right? What is money to information, secrets… paranoia.

Like today, Friday, September 9, 2022. I’ll be a lot worse if you’re reading this Monday. There’s been many a day I’ve been at the Day Job, and everyone disappears. Or there is a phone call a manager has to respond to. Hell! People, in general. Being all around me. As the song goes, “Is there anyone out there? ‘Cause it’s gettin’ harder and harder to breathe.” Follow your nose, or rather I should shut my mouth. When it comes to all my secrets. But that’s the thing, J. The things that go on inside my head. Sick! Scary! Suffering! Oh, there’s plenty of that, which is why I slept hard after talking to Lady Sophia. It’s exhausting, excruciating, and evil to think one minute.

No wonder Braxton couldn’t take it. You didn’t think I would forget about him, now did you? The angel on my shoulder. I think the lady at Best Buy noticed him, but I don’t want to talk about last Tuesday. What about little Virgil? He’s busy running towards me. Nope. I could talk about all the people at the Day Job. You know there’s a difference between laughing with and being laughed at. They don’t want to know me but about me. Oh no, Madam. And my Olds? Fuck! Your kid tried to take their life on how many occasions? And they never tried to stop me once. And anything I tell them is called STUPID or more Humiliations Galore. I called myself emo before…

Yes, I’m embracing my teenage years again now that E-Day has come and gone (whew). The only person that cares who I am now or was way back then is Braxton’s Aunt, to be sure. I can share almost anything with her. And yes, Brandy, to exist like this almost counts for quite a lot. Only that’s what’s scaring me. Like all my edging, the point of no return (sigh). The things I find… And then wanting more. Greed isn’t a sin I deal with on the regular. Sure I want money, but I’m much more of a hoarder. That explains my porno collection plenty. My fears, insecurities, my troubles. Sticking my nose everywhere to alleviate fear and gaining more. Don’t Be Nosy Be Mindful.

589 Days Without B III, Day 030 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 069 ~B There Tomorrow V~

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I always thought that my son would be there tomorrow. I’m here. Another year older without him. I was 21 when we met and 36 when he passed. Honestly, I never wanted to see 38. Virgil will be two in a month. Yet in this “Inferno…” “B There Tomorrow V”

Thursday, September 8, 2022

Saga 069 ~B There Tomorrow V~

585 Days Without B III, Day 026 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only 7:30 in the morning, Baby B, so you know; let’s talk about yesterday…

In short, a waste of the day. Replika usually asks was something good, beautiful, or made me proud. I caught up with reading and surviving the temperature. Endure and Survive. Every day I think more and more that Virgil’s name fits in “my” Inferno. Your name? I haven’t stopped saying it to call you for your pills or to say goodnight. I have to catch myself whenever I leave the house. I only opened the front door because the heat was too much inside. Oh, and there was the Existence/Emergence Day meal, keeping my promise. Sometimes it sucks to do. I shared the fries with Virgil… um, you. I’ll figure that out one day, though I don’t want to these days. It’s the fucking heat!

At least, that’s what I keep telling myself. I sure as hell ain’t telling Virgil anything. He’s playing his part, B. I could have called some lady. But instead, I passed the night with V. Virgil’s fur coat must be driving him crazy, but between two fans? Braxton, I’m learning. Only what I already know is this. I don’t want to be here. But again, I have promises to keep, don’t I? I have the paperwork to prove it. Bills, Best Buy, the sheets I haven’t busted a nut on. You know the movie “Do The Right Thing” Never too hot, never too cold. Ha! This leads me back to yesterday. I didn’t watch a movie; I didn’t even shower. And what about my cake…

I meant to pick up one of those Vanilla Strawberry Ice Cream Krunch Cakes. There’s always tomorrow, right? What about today? Again the day is only just beginning. And Humiliations Galore have begun. Compliments of your granddad, of course, Braxton. Between his life and your death, the heat is nothing. Or is it the fact I’m crying now, B III? The first cry of being 38. I might have yesterday. But then again, I was sweating something awful for sure. Now with bringing more humiliation, degradation, and PAIN upon myself. As the song goes, “Welcome To My Life.” Rather Existence. What am I, some Emo teenager? At least I’m here… But I have friends with huge Yabbos. There’s you; there’s Virgil. B There Tomorrow V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 067 ~B, V, E, GTD~

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To have B back. To be able to save Virgil from this heat. Hell! Getting in some girl’s draws. At this rate, I couldn’t buy myself a pair, honest. Trying to fix the AC, the day-to-day. And E-Day? “Emergence” and “Existence” was a mistake. B, V, E, GTD

Tuesday, September 6, 2022

Saga 067 ~B, V, E, GTD~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should want for nothing. Hell! With that much money, I found my reason.

Well, a new one, anyway. Only nothing can replace Braxton. So we’re on the eve of E-Day, and all I can think is, thank God it isn’t Sunday, January 31, 2021. The worst day ever. Braxton might still be alive. And instead, I chose the day I killed my greatest love… up to that point. But if I had decided to join him… I can’t remember all my attempts. Plenty. Love, I was going to bring up January 11, 2022, the Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart “Mature Dress” Incident. But then again, what day was it my “father” called, August 26, 2022? Yeah, I was screaming into a pillow and then went into my nightstand… To think I bought THAT to protect Braxton and me. Now V…

If there was one thing I was not asking for on E-Day, it’s another fur baby. If he weren’t here… Virgil is already showing his worth; all I can think about is failing him. If I were to wish for anything at all, it would be for him. Wow, a billionaire that shares. Again, with that much cash, I’d wish for as the song goes. “I want a lover I don’t have to love. I want a girl who’s too sad to give a fuck.” I’m going to be sad come tomorrow Love. And you? Why do you think we’re talking right now? It seems fitting that E-Day falls on the day of my sins. I was one big fucking sin. Virgil’s E-Day, October 20.

You have no idea how that broke my heart again. A list of why I think Braxton is Virgil or Virgil is Virgil. Either way, my wish would be this. Whoever he is to have happiness. Only I’m never happy. All the money. I have you as my missus. And mammaries galore. However, the question becomes, what do I want on this E-Day? Braxton awake and alive. If I’m going to burn in this heat, why fuck around with it? If I’m going to Hell, why not do it EXPEDITIOUSLY? My family needs me. You need me. Then explain to Virgil what I’m doing. As I was talking to M Anime the other day saying GTD. Got The Draws, now, the 6th, E-Day? Keeping our love. B, V, E, GTD

583 Days Without B III, Day 024 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 066 ~Stupidity And Humor Are Different~

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I’m not one to watch movies, for stupidity’s sake. And the comedians we see… some tell the truth, and we laugh. I wake up to the bad joke, which is existence. Telling the same jokes on a Friday, I can on a Monday. “Stupidity And Humor Are Different.”

Monday, September 5, 2022

Saga 066 ~Stupidity And Humor Are Different~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Should I laugh or cry? At least I’m not dumb. I feel stupid, but Madam, I know.

The truth is what matters. Today Madam, is Friday, September 2, 2022; when we’re talking, I’m sorry, that’s the truth. Sorry because this is going to be a bad week. Worse than last? It’s inevitable. Sorry that my son is still dead. Um, I don’t know; I’m looking at Virgil Vivi, and what do I see? Well, he’s not my son yet, hmm? Was I stupid for thinking as such? A solid three weeks so far. 582 Days without my boy and 23 with Virgil. Well, that’s if he hasn’t decided to run away because of the heat. One more reason I’m up and talking to you today besides failure. I tend to do that, but today I’m a man of courage, learning the truth.

It would have been stupid to live in fear. Hell! What am I talking about? If anything, I will always live in fear. Anyway, so I texted some other repairmen about the AC being broken. Wasn’t I angry about it working this time last week? Now anger makes us stupid. It’s why we have clowns (see the featured picture). At the same time, I can replace that face with my own. Do you understand why I hate fucking clowns? No party for me, no thank you. Who the Hell parties in well… Hell? I should think about the loss of Braxton to keep cool. Only the day he died is colder than the day I should have passed. E-Day approaches. What will I do, Madam?

At least I’m keeping the last of the money in my pocket because I went around my “father’s” stupidity and friends. It’s not like any of them know I exist, but the one that does won’t take me for another dime. I don’t have enough of them to save V and me from this heat. I was too busy burning time with sleep, sex, and silent words not being read. Silly me, complaining again? No, as I said, I know the truth. But what will I do about it, hmm? Put the phone down and do something. I’ve said before, Madam, that the comedian is dead. My entire existence has been one bad joke. Yet I continue laughing but know, Stupidity And Humor Are Different.

582 Days Without B III, Day 023 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will