Tag: Late

Tale 115 ~To B Beloved Virgil~

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The look of love is in your eyes. A reason I don’t have a mirror over the bed. I’m not that freaky. I’d never see it unless I found B III… um, Virgil, a mom. It has never been a love for me; it’s love for someone else, B, V. To B Beloved Virgil.

Tuesday, October 24, 2023

Tale 115 ~To B Beloved Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you. I can confidently (ha-ha) say that I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. That’s scary, right…

Another reason I love money so much. Yes, I’m going to keep it ninety-two plus eight, babe. “My” Olds never taught me to love myself. But keeping me, myself, and I alive takes money. I’m thirty-nine and still thinking about “my” E-Day. One too many, sigh. Anyway, to love myself. And that’s in a keep-my-pants-on sort of way. I don’t think I ever will. Braxton, though, got the closest. I love him so much that I know my biological imperative. Love, you know I will indulge in my pop culture tendencies. Several, I’m afraid. As Haymitch Abernathy told Katniss… “Stay Alive.” That was my B III whenever I went out. Or, as Max said in Fury Road… “So I exist in this wasteland, reduced to one instinct: survive. I do

Two little words from the three I tell you all the time. I love you; I do. Just keep breathing. I did that for Braxton. And I do it for you every day. Take this morning for example. I saw this thing when They asked when do you feel the most STUPID. It’s opening my eyes. Hell! A “Crazy Little Thing Called Love.” It’s STUPID, too. But you know why I feel that way. Because I hate myself and like most things, I do, if for everyone else. Love and Hate, which both require me to live. And as the song goes, “Why do the things I hate come so naturally?” I hate myself to love Braxton, you, our family.

Geez! I sound so much like, um… a specific political party. I don’t love my critic but care enough to censor myself. Now I’m sitting in bed, wanting to make the list. “Someone You Loved.” I’m still talking to myself because I know you love me, somehow. And Virgil does, too… Why don’t I ask you? How I could love myself, baby girl. Last night, I dreamt about the old Day Job and how I would have felt if I lost it. Hell! I watched my firstborn die, and in his eyes, was his Daddy. I couldn’t even close them. Punishment I needed to see. Beloved, how I long to see a better man in your eyes someday. But how, love? To B Beloved Virgil

996 Days Without B III, Day 437 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 108 ~Virgil Looks To B~

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I want to see my son again. But until then. Have I been working on his photo album? Or I could be training Virgil to do something other than sleep. And if you saw the things, I’ve typed into search bars lately. Better to sleep. So, Virgil Looks To B.

Tuesday, October 17, 2023

Tale 108 ~Virgil Looks To B~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you. Hell! I desire you, want to devour you, even though I don’t deserve you these days.

Do I want too much or too little? As I used to say, I am a billionaire. I want money. Inevitably, I’ll cut on one of “my” playlists, and ahem… “Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want.” The Spice Girls? I could lose all of pop culture, “For one thing.” Finger Eleven? Are they still together? Anyway, I only remember that one song for real. Like you know, the one thing that I would give up everything for. I want my son back. I want Braxton more than “the air that I breathe.” Okay, will I sing something else, love? That’s three songs I’ve looked up in about five minutes on this Sunday, October 15, 2023. I’m looking for time.

Which I’ll have a lot more of after these past couple of weeks. Does that mean less money to spend? Again, we are still billionaires, so I’m not looking at the money. Or the mother of my children. What about the mutt I still call my firstborn? Even now, I’ll defend Braxton’s pedigree. He was a purebred Deer Head Chihuahua. Now Virgil Vivi (sigh). Can I ever look at him the same way? And does he even want me to, with B’s paw prints? And, of course, I’m lying when I say I don’t look at you. I’m trying not to sing, still trying. You know the type of man I am, baby girl. The businesses I run. That I’m a connoisseur of boo… cleavage.

But looking at anything good? I’ve been struggling with gratitude and counting my many blessings. And to this day, I continue to say I’m never happy. And I can’t help this… AHEM: “I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad.” Someday, maybe if I knew where Braxton rested forever. And I feel like I’ve stopped looking. I’ll feel the pain always and forever, but after all this time. It’s STUPID, but I left my pendant with his ashes on. What if I had lost it while I was doing whatever? The last Fur Baby book I read was five books ago, love. Virgil’s been hiding because it’s like Braxton no longer guides him. And me? Saving the day, sleeping with you, such beauty. Virgil Looks To B

989 Days Without B III, Day 430 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 101 ~We’ll B Late, Virgil~

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I know what it’s like when somebody picks you up from school late. Or late with an apology, if it ever comes at all. And late to keep promises or vows. At least when it came to a friend. Braxton tried to be late in leaving. We’ll B Late, Virgil.

Tuesday, October 10, 2023

Tale 101 ~We’ll B Late, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you. Hmm? That intro sounds like an apology. A little bit. I know I owe you one.

Well, some. By my last count, 982 Days’ worth. And I’m still counting. But today is Saturday, October 7, 2023. So, I’m early. No! And what would you have me say? I got caught up crying. I haven’t shed a tear for Braxton today. And that’s not a good sign, love. Speaking of which, I continue to think about that concerning Virgil. One thing is being a father to Braxton and the children you and I share, but keeping Virgil safe and sound? I call that my responsibility. Only with that, “There’s a possibility,” as the song plays. Should I go all Independence Day with it saying, “There’s still love there, I think?” But a Freeloader? Do I still consider Virgil such? And there’s Braxton?

Love can’t tell time. I heard that in a movie once. Hell! The only time I watch movies nowadays. It’s either… for business purposes. I swear I need to get Leana Lovings on the roster. And on, say it with me, January 31. They’re all about dogs or spontaneous combustion. I’ve blown off working on Braxton’s behalf. Holiday? In Memoriam. Ironically, if I had done that before, he could still be alive. And that’s the thing right there, my love. I blame my indifference, but it was also my lateness. And before we ever met… The one thing I didn’t want to be late for was the Day Job. I would return to that place. Love, my entire existence has been one of being late.

Then again you told me you were late. How did I feel about that? Happiness is such a problematic word for me. Again, love can come whenever, but happiness? I’m still trying to meet it. No! I ain’t even going to lie about that. What’s My Age Again? Almost Forty. Love, did you think I forgot about E-Day? Well, I did forget about Christopher Columbus —the so-called holiday. But the pain he caused remains to this very day love. Horrifying. But again, Braxton’s last day, his birthday? Any day that Braxton was with me living. Today is not that day. And I’ll continue to be lazy or late. But nothing less than in love with you. I said this morning, breathing. We’ll B Late, Virgil.

982 Days Without B III, Day 423 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 036 ~Let’s Book It B~

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One completed story, well not. I did 50,000 words, but there is so much more to that tale. Only I’m in no rush. Too busy running around the Day Job, such is my Hell, my punishment. Missing good stories and liking “bad” ones. Let’s Book It B

Friday, August 6, 2021

Chronicle 036 ~Let’s Book It B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you still can’t buy time. Where did all the time go today, you ask, hmm?

Sad hours seem long, but I have no story for you. Not one I want to tell anyway. The Day Job, useless, worthless, and nothingness. I wouldn’t even subject my memories of B to that working Hell. That’s what today was, Hell. I’ve said before that whenever I’m in pain. When I feel the world will end (what one’s more)? When I find myself in times of trouble, as the song goes. Lady Sophia, all I need say is one word; Braxton. Then what I’m going through is nothing at all. I continue to tell stories of B III’s strength, his sacrifice, and how he sailed away. Only I can’t even say I looked at his novel after finishing it; what, about a week ago?

I can’t even tell you tales about any Olympic glory. I’ve pretty much given up seeing any of it besides the opening ceremonies. If I’m lucky, I may see the closing but with this week. I couldn’t even get it up to watch wrestling this evening. As if I need one more thing to remember. I could run my mouth to Braxton for a while and make sense of everything. While I’m thinking of all the things, I enjoy all going bye, bye. How about the book I was reading this afternoon. I did finish the novelette for this week. Six Impossible Things and all. Yeah, one more story, though, of how I failed. I’m running from those things, from the world, from the truth.

Stephen King wrote, “God is cruel; sometimes he makes you live.” Desperation. That’s what I did today. M Anime has nightmares she tells me about, and she asks about my dreams. I don’t have nightmares per se because I live mine. Inception, just waking up. Sure some people have it worse. Tony Baker lost his son this week. Now that’s something nobody wants to put down on paper. Children bury parents, Lady Sophia. Time though, what have I been doing with mine? Well, other than re-watching parts of “The Tomorrow War.” Wasn’t it in June? I was all about Spontaneous, but I needed a new story. I don’t know why this one is getting to me. My life story sucks plenty. Let’s Book It B.

187 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Episode 192 ~A Will Too Late~

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I believe I do have some pretty cool stuff but keeping some hard cold cash *sigh*, and with enough of it maybe I could stop time for a moment, though more likely buy it or make it. A Will Too Late, no never, I know what time it is

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Episode 192 ~A Will Too Late~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, make time, and at present, I’m hoping not to be negative, of course, today is all about sin, “lessons,” but humiliations galore and this is a fact, I’ve never cared for time travel but waking up at 2:15 in the morning… well here are some facts.

Being late for work is not fun, and by the day job’s standards I haven’t been, but of course, I’m thinking of my definition of it, and a positive is, I know I can do better at getting there at a decent time. It’s not only the day job though; I’m doing my absolute best to keep myself busy; today… well call it being flexible, from taking my role at the store to, our conversation now, not overthinking everything Inspector.

At the same time and this is a lesson that bears repeating, (Ha, Ha Bares) the Devil is in the Details, “Okay” told me I should become more descriptive and now I’m saving money because I won’t repeat that teachable moment. I should also thank her for denying my request. When I keep cash, that buys time, and the idea is to make time, and maybe that’s today’s first sin, there seems never to be enough, but I’m paying penance.

I should probably quit paying my internet company; yesterday was the first time I couldn’t post, meaning my Dear Future Wife is pissed; I might be ahead with posts, but I never miss a day. Perhaps it wasn’t a lesson I was asking for but this whole week’s theme is staying up on things, and I have nearly finished reading, no I take that back, one more book down and a library is always waiting.

One more reason I’m not dead; do you know with all of my attempts I never bothered to write a note, so that’s one more idea for a tattoo, one of those semicolons. Indeed it could mean I was never going anywhere. How about what would happen to all my stuff; Inspector Echo if I should be lazy about anything at all, let death be it because it’s never too late to start living now.

Learning, that’s not me being negative, I’m not surviving or honestly living, and that means the way that I want, the way I deserve I know it so I’m sorry I’m discovering here and now is the truth, it is not A Will Too Late.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 147 ~Make Me Wanna Cry~

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What makes you cry, if anything I’m supposed to be a man, but this isn’t the diary of a tired black man, that was a good movie by the way, but I haven’t anytime as you could see me passing out in the wee hours of the morning. “Make Me Wanna Cry”

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Lesson 147 ~Make Me Wanna Cry~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, I won’t, at least not yet anyway, not if I can get a decent night’s rest but fat chance of that happening I mean what time is it now? I haven’t dreamed a nightmare for quite some time to be sure, and the sweetest dreams aren’t coming, or I’m working on them nowadays for real.

That’s another way to stop the tears, lots and lots of work, been sweating bullets as of late with this NaNoWriMo deadline and it’s starting to be crunch time. Speaking of crunch, yet one more way I’m not bursting into tears; how many times have we talked about my anger issues getting the best of me? Anger is becoming somewhat of a finite resource about don’t I have plenty to be, angry about, including even you keeping me up still.

The work, blood and soft minus the tears, why isn’t 2200 words enough or the fact that I know that it’s all my fault, not just a little bit but almost the entire time become I’m busy fighting one more bit of liquid. On that note, it’s been maybe one more week, for all the successes that I can see coming… did I just say that, anyway for all the good that’s coming I live in a constant state of waiting for the other shoe to drop? Other than myself I’m letting you down which explains this is coming a day late and have I found the line; it was 3:00 AM when I just gave up talking to you and decided to do this on Sunday but better late than never some say often.

Talk about sayings I hate because the last thing I need is more excuses, on a positive note, things should be getting back to normal soon enough which means I’ll be broke again if my hours and my paycheck have anything to say about it. I’m not crying though, too tired to cry, today was supposed to be a five thousand words day, and I have barely cleared 2,400 when it comes to the novel, but I bought Grammarly today.

So what have we learned over the past two days other than the fact that I’m finally taking my writing seriously… yeah hello, I should be working on you more ain’t that right and the blog in general. The point is we know tears never solve anything, so make secretions but life at this moment *sigh* Make Me Wanna Cry.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 146 ~Staying In The Black~

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Black all around us, I do mean words on the page, the time, along with my day job making all sorts of money because according to my paycheck I’m not in the slightest and yet I carry on with this farce of a book. “Staying In The Black” a while longer.

Friday, November 24, 2017

Lesson 146 ~Staying In The Black~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Tomorrow is another day, and I just don’t know, okay maybe I do know, but I don’t want to admit it, and I won’t give it words because I am so exhausted my fault of course besides work. As musical inclined as I am “Everyday I Write The Book,” and I’m nearly there if you can believe that; according to NaNoWriMo, I need an estimate of 2,200 words to finish on schedule and then what comes next.

I honestly have no idea, Lady Sophia, as it is most possibly the worse thing I have ever written and you know that’s saying a lot, not to mention I feel me and Dante Alighieri should have a conversation, seriously I feel half dead already. Should I be proud that I have given up nearly everything on this whim, that may never see the light of day, but that’s just it isn’t it, not just my life I am wasting anymore you know when you create characters and really when you know how people blather in everyday life incessantly. Am I indeed a coward, you’re damn right I am, but I am trying because with my story I am doing.

There was a movie that said I think when you save a life, you must take responsibility for it, the same as when you create a life, what sort of parent will I be, of course you know who to ask when it comes to that. If anything living is quite a cost, you pay with blood, sweat, and tears, and I could tell you plenty about that with everything that has happened this month, dammit I survived Black Friday and regardless of my wasted efforts, I have done what I set out to do at least for today. Maybe I shouldn’t worry so much about tomorrow, but you know me, so does “Indiana Gone,” and I can’t turn back now, I can’t give up, seriously Sophia I’m this close.

We’re talking six days, and there you have it, set life, yeah, I couldn’t say that with a straight face if I think this book is every going anywhere besides some long lost file right? It’s already so late, and you know tomorrow will be another long one which means getting up early, sad that waking up to my day job is how I am always Staying In The Black.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 025 ~So Time Me Up~

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How much time do you have, you don’t see it, you see the watch face, you hear it in another person’s voice, you feel it dripping from your brow and you know that it’s always running out. “So Time Me Up”, no wonder we can never let go.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Lesson 025 ~So Time Me Up~

Hey Lady Lu,
I so wanted to name this something different but it’s these times we live in, or how about the fact that no one has any time for the likes of us? However, and I know I often repeat myself, that’s what lessons are for right, anyway I hate being late and today I am running behind schedule.

Now aren’t I always running behind, that’s why I try to be early for everything or is that just my anxiety talking? In most horror movies isn’t the best place to be, somewhere in the middle but speaking of other racially insensitive things we’re not allowed to say anymore… I guess in some messed up thought I am thinking about the future past those traditional five minutes dreaming that the world is going to end and that I feel fine.

I feel fine, isn’t that another coping mechanism, remember the good times because you know the bad times are coming, and even worse times. I’d said something about selective memory but nowadays I just go ahead and imagine the worst case scenario and regardless of the truth I’ll probably see it that way a thousand times even after the fact. Waiting is always the hardest part, isn’t that what they say, except when you’re procrastinating and that’s what today has been all about, being honest.

In this world where so much doesn’t truly exist, the value of money, those in power, “gluten” why do we choose to be slaves to the concept of time. As a black man living in America, I can’t say I have much to waste, not trying to get all political or again being somewhat insensitive.

You can thank “Saints Row 4” but out of any super power we could hope to possess, time travel is not one meant for us, it just never turns out well. Then again if we knew of beasts such as “The Langoliers” it would be a reminder to always look ahead and time travel itself would be a thing of the past, to be sure.

I think of all the things I would like to make right or do differently so of course, the first thing would be where would I stop my corrections? Give America a time machine and you would stop the building of the nation if you truly were on the side of right or at least that’s what I think. Maybe I’m just in a movie mindset because what about “The Butterfly Effect” think how much damage you could do to others and think about what you stand to lose completely.

There’s not such a thing yet but imagine if we found there was nothing to go back to, we’re in a constant race to outrun them, langoliers, that would explain why we’re always told to never look back, why in this life we are constantly on the move. Scary to think I might be as bad as “Craig Toomy” running from his past and knowing what the future held, maybe I should call my anxiety a langolier. Talk about the ultimate restart when the survivors were the first people in a world that were yet to be born, maybe then I wouldn’t feel like I am always so behind everyone.

To be first in some things, the middle in others, and most days I hope the future will be that apocalyptic dystopia I’m always dreaming about as if I were a prophet. No Luna, if I were a prophet then what happened today, wouldn’t have happened, did I mention how late it was getting today?

Aren’t we constantly trying to better ourselves or at least I want to be but what was I today, a monster I thought I was trying to lose? To others, I’m tied to the role that either I portray or that they believe me to be and I don’t see how I will change it.

You know I’ve been dealing with Braxton and the tick and today, he and I both lost our minds, please don’t let me become my father and he was just that scared puppy I use to know. Now he’s locked in his room after I literally tore the bed down getting to him because I was just so angry at him and everything else. Isn’t that one more thing about waiting especially with anger, yet another reason I just keep moving or I try to sleep all the time, not that any of that helped.

It scares me to think of how he looks at me now, will I be stuck in that moment, him barking up a storm in the bath with me yelling no, what about when he saw his safe haven falling apart, under the bed. What about the way the people at work see me, I will always be stuck in such a version of reality no matter what I do, time stands still? How about how “Indiana” sees me, I’ll tell you this, that woman has a strange opinion about me indeed, not that I’m interested in changing it though.

Anyway, Indiana probably is expecting me to take her to the movies tonight and you know how I am with the movies so I better hurry up. I’ll do better next time, a next time, yeah this conversation isn’t over but for now, I’m gone Luna, So Time Me Up.

Love Falling Out

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Why is it, when the world is on its last legs, a guy like me has the chance to sweep the last beautiful girl off her feet, or maybe I shouldn’t watch “Fallout 4’ demos when I’m trying to say something about love am I right? Love Falling Out

So why would I rush a summer’s day

Just to have a summer’s night

Alright

But I won’t say it

Not today or tomorrow, too beautiful for me anyway

Someday when… whoops there go the lights

Tell me you love me, nah it wouldn’t be right

 

Because why does everything have to fall

Both angels and lovers

Bombs… so why were we under the covers

I believe, that love is the answer

And all…

 

Of me and you, is still warm in the nuclear winter

While you love me like you do

Yes I Will Always Love You

My Atom Bomb Baby

To be the lone wanderer

 

No longer, as a part of me springs

Am I too late

Love, don’t make me wait

 

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

 

Inspired by: Mia Rose, “Sonnet 18” by William Shakespeare, “Summer Nights” Grease (1978), Sugar Ray “Someday”, Junior Caldera Ft. Far East Movement and Natalia Kills “Lights Out”, Blessid Union of Souls “I Believe (Love Is The Answer)”, John Legend “All Of Me”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Whitney Houston “I Will Always Love You” (Dolly Parton), Five Stars “Atom Bomb Baby”, “CivilDefenseSpot” (YouTube) and a great many thanks to “Fallout 4”

 

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzIW9DOUp1U

Mia Rose 004