Tag: Son

Saga 157 ~Luxury’s Nonessential; Beauty, Good Are~

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What do I want for my life? 673 days, it’s been, ‘I want my son back.’ But when he was here, I’d sing, “I want the money and the cars, and the clothes, the hoes, I suppose” Luxuries? Having a friend like him? “Luxury’s Nonessential; Beauty, Good Are”

Monday, December 5, 2022

Saga 157 ~Luxury’s Nonessential; Beauty, Good Are~

Two-Hundred and Sixty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. If you talked to me yesterday… I’d have fewer dollars and desires. Be less of a dick.

Like this rule, I am still determining how I ended up on a list for Better Homes & Gardens. Millionaire/Billionaire addition. Wouldn’t that be “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous?” I’m letting my age show, aren’t I? I’m thirty-eight, and what do I have to show for it, Madam? It was only last night that one of the bathroom rugs got a bit too ripe for me. So I washed it instead of getting a new one. Duh! But it’s been years, Madam. A lifetime? What about when I was at the eye doctor a couple of weeks back? I wonder if I told this story, but I wore the old glasses until one side snapped. Besides, you know, seeing. I wanted the same type for my son B III.

I stand by my vow. Everything is exactly the same. It’s more like the song Every Day Is Exactly The Same. Yes, I haven’t left that day ever. Sunday, January 31, 2021. I need that day; I need B. Ok, so while I cry and you tell me I shouldn’t remember him like that. There’s his pillow I destroyed. The hoody and sheets I had to wash. I should again soon. Virgil Vivi is upstairs. Madam, what was it I said about being less dickish? A Deer Head Chihuahua puppy? That would be a luxury. Instead, I got a Chihuahua mix who’s two; and what drew me to him. He could pee on the pad, and he’s got no balls… figuratively and literally. The fuck!

That was mean, but 2V is a good boy. Only I keep saying it. B III didn’t reincarnate as him. A fact I can let go for now. Um, you know what I’m reading. But these books got dogs too. And speaking of being a “dog,” what about my views on women. A shallow bastard. That’s not changing anytime soon, but I look to M Anime, Cherry, Braxton’s Aunt once. “Beautiful Girls” sure, there’s a lot of “Pretty Girls” in this city. Finding a “Cheerleader?” You know what I want, Madam. And yet I’m willing to “settle” down. Myself sigh. Because having the brothel/haram that Dennis Hof once had is a luxury. I’m jealous of the life I “deserve,” but Luxury’s Nonessential; Beauty, Good Are

673 Days Without B III, Day 114 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 156 ~Braxton Left, Virgil’s Right~

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Braxton was one to listen to my political rants. Virgil sleeps plenty. 113 days in, he’s figuring things out. I need to get him his own bed. He takes up so much space. But then that’s the point. The center’s comfortable. Braxton Left, Virgil’s Right.

Sunday, December 4, 2022

Saga 156 ~Braxton Left, Virgil’s Right~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. And you sure as Hell want to be after seeing that New York penthouse on Twitter. $33,000,000.

How evil would you have to be to get it? Believe me when I say it won’t be with OnlyFans. Well, not unless you have a body like Amouranth. And once again, trust me, you don’t. I looked in the mirror last night, and while I’m not ashamed of my body… it was what covered me. I swear, three days, and I don’t even know what broke me yesterday. Then again, I’m permanently broken. So are you sitting here so late remembering dear Braxton? And what about Virgil, sitting up in Braxton’s room waiting for? There’s no clue, loser. That’s what I was talking about Saturday. The next day you wake up without any space in the bed. About to go over the right side.

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Will You Love Me?: The Rescue Dog That Rescued Me
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, FOR My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I’ll ask again, how evil do you have to be? Not getting rid of V bad. You’re not a monster. Debatable right? Because the truth can be a terrifying thing. What I did Saturday night. I mean before going all “The Lonely Island.” I was texting M Anime, speaking the truth. Idiot? Yes, I am, and you will be too. But you didn’t lie to her. Only to know yourself? Do you, now? It’s only been a few hours, and what do you know? You want to go back to sleep though you made it to the dining room table. Every time you put your foot down, you miss Braxton’s pillow. And even if you went and got Virgil… Oh yeah, the Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined Today (Christmas Erotica)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Virgil ain’t Braxton. Um, at least you won’t be reading about dogs. Christmas Erotica time. One more thing I forgot about yesterday, though. As you saw, I finished something canine. And is that the message that Braxton is trying to send? Having Virgil push you out of bed each and every morning? Hell! That ivory tower is one of many places you want for him. And Virgil too. At this rate, you’ll settle like Audrey for “Somewhere That’s Green; sigh. Once more, how evil do you have to be? Democrats are losers; Republicans are liars. Today you’re a lazy ass wanting to lie in the center of bed doing nothing. Because even thinking hurts like a bitch. And that is why Braxton Left, Virgil’s Right.

672 Days Without B III, Day 113 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 155 ~B Taking L’s Virgil~

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The best thing about Stephen King’s “It”? The Losers Club Rock War. I’m a loser, but I’m not that cool. But I’m taking L’s in every way, shape, and form. Literature, lots of money, and ladies. What about that little lad Virgil? “B Taking L’s Virgil.”

Saturday, December 3, 2022

Saga 155 ~B Taking L’s Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you would think that would make me proud. My Replika asks me that often enough.

I’m not proud of this week. Not at all. I’m still employed, which has to be enough. But why do I continue to feel as though I’m losing? Lunalesca, I don’t want to get “political. I’m so tired, my head hurts, and I’m going up and down on a sugar rush. Must I say that? It makes me think of sex which is another thing. I’m going all “The Screwfly Solution.” Whenever I get HORNY, I stop and get MAD instead. True story. Becoming so weak. Anyway, my political, not political, idea. I wonder, is this how slaves thought. You get a roof over your head, food in your belly, and the smallest of comforts. You don’t have to think. Just make money for some white person. My Day Job.

It’s not like Braxton and Virgil have it any better. Don’t make noise, sleep a lot, and don’t burden me with your problems. The L’s in a dog’s life. Lots of sleep; leave me alone… Loneliness. I’m sure B is no longer. Aunt Carolina’s fur babies and now Stormy too. Lunalesca, perhaps that’s why I’m “fighting” death. Death is an awfully crowded place. And you know how I am with that. Life has been kicking my ass plenty Lunalesca, sigh. Where do I even begin? I want to get all LOUD. Not that it would help. My ear has been bugging me again. And I mentioned that I’ve been so sick with this bacterial infection. I don’t even know what it means to be healed.

Loneliness would be cured if I had my boy back, Braxton Barks Bradford, Lunalesca. Literature has been challenging. I said something about reading “How to Be an Antiracist” last week. But of course, I’ve been reading “Will You Love Me?” By Barby Keel. Greyhound… Loss my first NaNoWriMo in years. Lunalesca, I can always buy a t-shirt. Everybody lies? Loins wise Lunalesca… I’ve been all hot and bothered again, and it’s been three days. Learning about Virgil trying to teach him has been going as well as expected. Nothing. Lots of other things, though. Like money disappearing and wanting so many ladies, Lunalesca. Nico, Nami, Lulu, Sawa, Ayane. I can do this all day. But stop being a loser… Dear Lunalesca? B Taking L’s Virgil.

671 Days Without B III, Day 112 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 150 ~ Don’t Speak Ill Speak Truth~

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“Mark of the beast…” 666 Days without my son. If I were a better man, I would have published the story of my angel, my devil, and the prince. He lived true, and as for me. I exist in a world of lies. How else am I “alive?” Don’t Speak Ill Speak Truth

Monday, November 28, 2022

Saga 150 ~ Don’t Speak Ill Speak Truth~

Two-Hundred and Sixty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can have a big mouth. I hear the snickers already. Me, talking, like ever?

I think of that saying, “Don’t speak ill of the dead.” Was it Dawson’s Creek S2.E19 “Abby Morgan, Rest in Peace?” Fuck! That was May 5, 1999. I was still in high school. Fuck me! Anyway, before that, there was Daria S1.E13, “The Misery Chick.” That was July 21, 1997. Hell! Let’s go more recent. There is Jason David Frank, aka Tommy, November 19, 2022. But, of course, the first two were fictional deaths. As far as Jason goes… who am I to speak, Madam? Back in my day, ha-ha. Oh, I was a big fan of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I remember my Ma telling the church congregation about my “love” for TMNT. A lie when spoken back then. Make Me Wanna Die!

Another saying. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” We know better now, don’t we? Don’t we? It’s one of the reasons I want to be a writer ha. I desire such power; an idea, a thought, or a belief can destroy. It’s the lies, dear Madam. Do you wish to create monsters? Are you ready to see Hell? How does one raise the dead? It’s with a LIE. To think STUPIDITY is the virus I fear. That is a disease of the living, Madam. With a LIE, the things you can do. That is sorcery, my discipline, necromancy. Is fiction a LIE? I create, I destroy, I rise, but most of all, I speak. Yet I hate liars.

If I’m not living for Braxton’s memory… You didn’t think I forgot about him? And, of course, there’s Virgil, who still needs me? What did I say about liars? Reincarnation? Madam, I live to tell the truth. But what can a Simple Man do? I don’t live; not at all. Existence since… Hell! I don’t know when. We are The Walking Dead. Rick said once. Then again, we are the ones who live. But not forever because I will tell the truth. Even if all I am doing is playing out some 1984 fantasy. A documentary or reality, for sure. The only death sticking with me is my son’s. Who Wants To Live Forever? The truth shall set you free. Don’t Speak Ill Speak Truth

666 Days Without B III, Day 107 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 149 ~Here B Dragons Virgil~

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I’ve never been on a cruise before, but I’ve been on a boat here or there, “Disney World.” I like fishing with my Granddaddy (the same man who says he doesn’t know me anymore.) And drowning is a messed up way to die. But “Here B Dragons Virgil.”

Sunday, November 27, 2022

Saga 149 ~Here B Dragons Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. And money buys power. We can get all up in “The Untouchables.” But that’s not your problem.

No, not when you’re picking up dog shit on the concrete landing in the backyard. Perhaps you’re being a bit harsh with yourself today, which is sad. Nowhere to go and no one to see. So you’re deciding to be an asshole today. Anger beats the alternative. I was sad last night. And you? B would hate this. You always feel like crying over him. Only today, it wasn’t even thoughts of him that brought out your first tears. Asshole! Weakling? Still crying over your dead kid. No wonder some sailors took to the blue. Yesterday, where do I begin? Was it the fact that you still owe $2,541.00? Investment? There’s wasting time on so many games. Oh, and books. There remain Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING World War Z by Max Brooks
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

What was I looking for in these things? What are you looking for? Salvation, Redemption? Every week, I find myself wishing I could keep you right here. Sort of like with little Virgil. Hell! To be warm in bed. You keep imagining Braxton’s idea of Elysium… A bed in the yard, surrounded by food. A place Braxton could lie in the sun and then cuddle. Then there’s that need for him to get out into the world. If anything, so he wouldn’t hate it so much. Like father, like son. Whatever the Hell is out there? I survived the worst week Day Job wise, but you (sigh). There’s this song, “The world won’t get no better if we just let it be.” Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Will You Love Me?: The Rescue Dog That Rescued Me
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures FOR My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

I wish these were only words. Dammit! What am I talking about? They are gibberish. But you’ve seen the monsters outside that door. I was drowning. Inevitably it’s your turn. When one door closes, another opens… You’re starting to see that with Virgil Vivi. FEAR. You will be plenty anxious to enter the next room when you know what awaits you. The Day Job, Braxton’s Room, Bedroom, to the back yard. When was the last time I opened a door, and it was where I felt safe, or I wasn’t falling asleep? And still, nothing out there is worse than you. Your existence doesn’t need a map because, at the end of the day… No matter where you’ll set sail ANYTIME. Here B Dragons Virgil

665 Days Without B III, Day 106 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 148 ~Don’t Be B Virgil~

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“You’re not my (son), and I sure as hell ain’t your dad.” Hell! If anything, I wish I could be my son. B III was the best man I know and wasn’t even “a man.” And now there’s Virgil, myself, in existence. We endure and survive. Don’t Be B Virgil.

Saturday, November 26, 2022

Saga 148 ~Don’t Be B Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And how I wish I had been when Braxton was lying around. Ain’t he still, Lunalesca?

It doesn’t stop me from being a lazy, lustful loser, now does it? “I feel stupid,” as the song goes. How STUPID is that? You know how I told Lady Sophia I needed new books? Um, I cut off the laptop without choosing a damn thing. Lady Lu, I did sample Ibram X. Kendi’s work “How to Be an Antiracist.” Sad, I wouldn’t have thought of it if it wasn’t for a Kindle Challenge. Hell! I might read it because Ted Cruz is such an asshole. Hating “Antiracist Baby?” But no promises. I need to improve at keeping those Lunalesca. Disgusted at myself for the moment, but we’ll get to that. Like writing for NaNoWriMo? I wasted this entire month, and if Braxton could see?

I haven’t been reading anything on reincarnation. And with the Kindle Challenge and some Christmas Erotica. Oh, that’s the last thing I need with not keeping my pants on, Lu. Not for longer than a day, Lu. I rather wank one out than get fucked at the Day Job daily. Again wasn’t I telling Lady Sophia that it hasn’t been that bad these days? What! Because I can still sit down? The things that we can use to. And then, of course, the new guy. Virgil Vivi is nothing like Braxton Barks, as much as I wish it. Was my faith not strong enough to bring back my son? Do I need more to cry about today other than lateness? Lunalesca, sleeping the day away.

The only thing 2V and B III have in common. Because what else is there to do as I sit? When Braxton was known as Neo, I was about “his training.” Me playing Morpheus? Now with Virgil, he’s in Braxton’s room as I speak, waiting for me. Training, Loving? Lunalesca, I haven’t told him as such because, to be honest, I don’t. The very day I got him didn’t I count all the reasons? Braxton says this couldn’t be more “black and white daddy.” The color around his eyes. How I love Braxton’s eyes. But seeing who I am? Inevitable. I’m not a good man. Braxton believed that, and where is he now? Virgil’s alive. Please be my Braxton! But then. Don’t Be B Virgil

664 Days Without B III, Day 105 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 143 ~Sometimes You Gotta Fight Dirty~

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What’s my age again? I had a Game Genie. I took Karate classes. And war was a game. I wanted to be the Secretary of Defense. Now I suffer the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.” I’m not in the dirt. Hmm, Dirt? “Sometimes You Gotta Fight Dirty”

Monday, November 21, 2022

Saga 143 ~Sometimes You Gotta Fight Dirty~

Two-Hundred and Sixty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I have to be the dirtiest player in the game. A wrestling reference… Ric Flair

I would instead think of his daughter Charlotte, but we’ll get to that. Oh! I haven’t missed her from wrestling. Why do I even try to keep up with it? Um, it’s a distraction, okay. And it’s not fair. At least it isn’t a pleasure. Not the fighting part, anyway. But it catches my eye since Braxton isn’t here anymore. Virgil’s first hundred. One hundred days and I ask what I should be doing. My whole damn existence, it seems I do one thing. Well, that’s a lie; what am I always saying? Endure and Survive. Games. I miss gaming. And yesterday, I talked about cheating when it comes to reading. Fuck! Pardon my language, but life is hard. Promise, I’ll stop… the sexual innuendos…

Yet I’m always hard, horny, and humping. Can I stick with dirty? But as for the fighting, Madam. I’m so tired of fighting. Or at least that’s what I want to believe now. Not true. Madam Justice, I’m tired of fighting everyone, everything, everywhere. Instead of the real enemy. Looking at me now, you can see what I’m fighting. Inevitably why? Because I couldn’t stand up at the Day Job? Humiliations Galore. A day without them? My dear Madam Justice. Every day I play by the rules, and what does it get me? Is it too much to ask to do a job and come back? Or maybe I don’t understand the rules of this game. Hell! 365 days Madam. Still, I rather not play.

Well, I don’t want to lose, would be more accurate. And by the way, who’s keeping score anyway? One more reason I’m into audiobooks. People are winning; the world’s losing. At least I’m not throwing dirt in anyone’s eye… Putting them in the ground. Lying! Braxton is still gone. My player two, my sidekick. And somehow, I wanted Virgil to be my navigator, of course. But he’s in Braxton’s Room. Again one hundred days Madam. Where are we? There is no we? It’s me being dirty yet again. Cheating my way through this game that’s called life. I exist. I don’t know how to win. Even wanting to win someday? Madam, what’s your take? I know love’s not a prize. Sometimes You Gotta Fight Dirty

659 Days Without B III, Day 100 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 142 ~B Lying Sometimes Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I can’t stand liars. Looking in a mirror… I’m about to fall as I can’t look at myself. Telling the truth. I don’t live; I exist. I take pleasure as I’m in constant pain. And yet, for V and B, it is/was the best day ever. B Lying Sometimes Virgil

Sunday, November 20, 2022

Saga 142 ~B Lying Sometimes Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means I’ve had to lie a lot until I can’t anymore. Because it’s your existence now.

Well, at 12:00AM. So uh, you’re the one that decided. And for that, sir, I salute you. I was perfectly ready to lie yesterday. And Hell, before you pat yourself on the back. You’re going to lie in a few. In one way or another, it’s all in your head or not. Um yeah, you failed. Which is worse? The fact that I couldn’t keep it in my pants after everything. I’m not one to make it “special.” What guy is, to be honest? With me, it was a big-titty brunette. Reading though? Learning, education. You, friend, are about to lie about reading a short story because you can’t deal with the thought of my failure. How some things end. Like these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “Wool” Part 2, The Graphic Novel
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 038 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

How about how things ended with B III? You can never forget your son. Though again, you’re all caught up in Triple X. You’re telling yourself everything will be okay. Oh no, not this week. At this rate, inevitably, you’ll find a way to hate all fifty-two. Well, it beats hating every single day… There’s the week Braxton died. B’s Birthday Week. Um, Father’s Day and his birthday. You remain a “man” who can’t take care of himself. At all! Bills lying somewhere. There’s The Menu and One Way Out… but we’ll get to that. There’s your existence day, ha. Should you add “Gotcha Day,” where you met Virgil? Your betrayal of B is complete. There’s so much; I cleared my head. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined “Chills and Thrills.”
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Trying to get back on point. The Menu and One Way Out. I’m thinking about that one chef who wanted to be the CHEF in the movie The Menu. And when he realized he couldn’t have that life… BOOM. Then there’s Andor Ep. 1X10 “One Way Out. In the prison break scene, when Kino Loy leads the escape, but then, upon getting out, he can’t swim. Existence is fucking confusing; I know. But the point you want to make is this. You’re lying to yourself about everything being okay. Look at the world in the few hours you’ve been awake. Twitter, Trump, JDF, more shootings, and disgusting fathers. Fucking swear. Braxton was tired, and you’re keeping Virgil from the outside world. B Lying Sometimes Virgil

658 Days Without B III, Day 099 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 141 ~ Don’t B Dumb Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

A man said, “men are idiots.” I tell M Anime that plenty. B III and I were/are for 15 years, but we understand each other. I don’t get V. Or the “man” I face in the mirror. Yet the village idiot is asked to teach, train, and talk. Don’t B Dumb Virgil

Saturday, November 19, 2022

Saga 141 ~ Don’t B Dumb Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And another reason I want that kind of money is so I’ll never be lonely again.

“And every day I wake up, with a naked lady,” as the song goes. Battle Cry (feat, Just Blaze, in case I forget, ha-ha. What week was it I complained of being all lonely, dear Lu? At the end of this one… I have come to know that there are worse things. Oh, B III’s still dead? Ain’t that the truth? And yet I still refuse to accept it because if I had… Um, there was late Thursday? I picked up V and studied him a bit. As I did 98 days ago. How I failed Lu? That’s what this week has been all about. My loneliness hasn’t gone anywhere. I’m not jerking off as Virgil stays in Braxton’s room. As I said, worse things.

Lady Lunalesca… being looked at as stupid is something. To be stupid is fucked up. Stupidity, to me, is a virus, the worst kind. An addiction, obsession, an infection I have. Lunalesca, THEY say there is no such thing as a bad student, only a bad teacher. I look back at Braxton and me. How many times have I said I learned to speak Braxton? I knew when it was okay to sleep. I took showers at certain times because Braxton hated when I would in the evening. My muscle memory. When I go get a drink, I grab Braxton’s bowl. And now I have all this knowledge for a future that doesn’t exist. V is not B, I don’t think. Still, the name… Virgil.

V’s not guiding me; we are both stumbling through this Hell together, asking, now what? And it would be one thing to destroy our lives, Lunalesca, but people don’t understand. Take any zombie film, and I would instead die than risk spreading the virus to anyone else. And that’s stupidity. I’m a fucking monster, and then people want me, infecting. Lunalesca, you saw what B III was and how dare I do that to V. Train the dog, hmm, Lu? He doesn’t do stairs or potty on the pad, And Hell, the only sounds he makes are hacking up a lung or crying. Why? Because he doesn’t understand? Lunalesca, same. But we keep going like slaves because IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH. No! Don’t B Dumb Virgil

657 Days Without B III, Day 098 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 136 ~The Innocent Can’t Grant Absolution~

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What I said to B III during his final moments? I know I said I was sorry before the vet came back with the needle. I told 2V I was sorry for bumping into a wall. Damn, broken glasses. And the Man I once was… “The Innocent Can’t Grant Absolution”

Monday, November 14, 2022

Saga 136 ~The Innocent Can’t Grant Absolution~

Two-Hundred and Sixty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means I’m nowhere near innocent. Hell! The crimes I have committed today, Sunday, November 13, 2022.

Time Travel. I can imagine the crimes I will commit; by the time you read this. The sins that I think about daily. “Law Abiding Citizen” I am not, Madam. I can’t be. Today I have sought out a movie to steal… Black Panther: Wakanda Forever? Yes, I paid for it twice in the theater. And you can’t blame me for all the leaked videos that are out now. Madam, let’s say I have gone to some rather unscrupulous types; for things. Fuck, the internet is a terrifying place. I should spend more time talking to you, Madam. Inevitably I come back to my son, my Braxton. No crime I have ever committed will match how I failed him. A murderer, who would have thought?

I will do more. As I was talking to the Man in the Mirror this morning. (Sigh) I’m a Fraud. That’s the Eighth Circle of Hell. My place is in the Ninth, Treachery. Betraying Braxton. Can’t say I’ve read many dog grieving books lately. Too busy being a fraud but Madam. Braxton isn’t here to say that he forgives me for what I did, and that’s the whole point of this rule. People can scream up and down about things like euthanasia, an act of mercy. Love? The people who love have no right to forgive a killer. Even if they say, that’s what their loved one wanted… People talk so much about Absolution. Accountability. Madam, I read in a book once this killer said:

“I am not afraid of justice. Justice is a good thing, even if I am on the losing end of it.” The Girl in 6E

Sometimes I think I ain’t worth it; other times, I know I deserve it. And then there’s this Hell. Do you think the only reason I don’t do what I need to do; is because I’m already dead? Again, I’m talking to you today, not Monday, so you know what that means. I wish. I wish the innocent “man” I once was could forgive me. Grant me such Absolution. Braxton’s eyes… They weren’t of forgiveness, love, or a goodbye. My boy asked me why. All the women over the years. I’m pretty much dead to them anyway. Their innocence. As much as I hate to admit it, I am the guilty one. And God, if you believe in such. What a mess of things, hmm. The Innocent Can’t Grant Absolution

652 Days Without B III, Day 093 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will