Tag: Truth

Saga 180 ~Urge To B Virgil~

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Urge to write? It’s more like fear because today is going to be damn hard. And I could go all Marvin Gaye “When I get that feeling….” But the only thing I want to do now is puke and go to bed. The urge to live the boys did/do. “Urge To B Virgil”

Wednesday, December 28, 2022

Saga 180 ~Urge To B Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That means I’m not WOKE… I cry a lot, and I spend others’ money. I’m Virgil.

Inspector, I wonder if Virgil wants to be Virgil this second, which saddens me. Besides Braxton being gone and all. Of everything, I can say about my son. Survival? Braxton’s last look. I go back and forth with it, but today I’ll say B III wanted to live Echo. Ironic that I am the same way. But we’ll get to that. You know I’m one for physical pain over any mental anguish. Take today, for example, Tuesday, December 27, 2022. I’ve wanted to puke most of the day because I am so humiliated about the car. Hell! I barely made it to the auto shop before the wheel gave out. And now, today/tomorrow, you know what I’m going to do. Day Job’s Humiliations Galore incoming.

Because the urge to live… Not want or need but the notion. And you know it’s one I should ignore. I didn’t Monday. And today, as the world crumbled, I had to get pretty STUPID. More like perverted? Because I don’t want to think with a big head. Bigger head? Inspector Echo, was that a dick joke? I wish I were only making jokes about it but this fucked up day. Well, this whole fucked up year. I’m going broke. But no, not my cock. And an urge to release. Obsession is more like it. I should find out when I stopped before, but that was before Braxton died, and afterward, it was like 161 days. 559 days later, I had to cover up again.

Only Virgil sleeps in B’s Room plenty. Today it was all about survival, then masturbation. I haven’t even cum in a few days, but I only want to sleep. I don’t mean taking some naps. As I said, I was surviving today. More like I didn’t want the humiliation of dying on the road. I swear, Inspector Echo if Virgil weren’t here right now… But he is so Doordash, anyone? I can’t have Virgil Vivi starving, so I ordered a bag of food for him. Myself? I seemed to have lost my appetite. An urge to, well… should I say it? Inspector, you’ll see this tomorrow, so don’t you fret. Unless I get lucky, the alarms fail. Then curse the day. Urge To B Virgil

696 Days Without B III, Day 137 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 178 ~Everyone Lies Without Any Exceptions~

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The alarm goes off to work at a Day Job I hate, to see people I despise, so I can continue deviant, sinful, skeevy behaviors. And then I have a son/dog to mourn and a “friend”/dog to support. I’m a good liar, but Everyone Lies Without Any Exceptions.

Monday, December 26, 2022

Saga 178 ~Everyone Lies Without Any Exceptions~

Two-Hundred and Seventy-Second Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now… that makes me a pretty big motherfucking liar. Pardon my French. That explains why I hate myself.

And yes, I will hate myself more. It’s all just icing on the cake with my big sin Madam J. The one thing that I never lie about. I killed my son. B III’s blood is on my hands always. And sure, with my time traveling and all. It’s 3:30 in the afternoon on Christmas day, so you know what that means about tomorrow. Hell! I could tell you about the liars I’m going to see. But what good would it do? To quote a Christmas film, “Scrape ’em off. You wanna save somebody? Save yourself!” Yes, I’m using that out of context. It’s practice. Madam, if anything, I need to become a better liar. The things I told my son. What I tell Virgil.

Well, not yet. By the time you read this, it will have been 135 days. But do you see any women walking around here? Only you on the page and perhaps in one Christmas gift. Relax, Madam, the money was already spent on an artist, Opiumud, and the porn “Bounty Hustler Queen rush!” Talk about something to do at Christmas. I still want a family? One of the things M Anime likes about me is I don’t lie to her. I’m like every other guy. That means, of course, I do. But I try to tell her how it is short of becoming Akon or Wheeler. I Wanna Fuck You, or God Told Me To Fuck You. With women, I need to be a “gentleman.”

Which is why I would both excel and fuck up being a member of the GOP. Oh, I can lie, J. The thing is, I own that shit. You notice I don’t say my bed, food, money or anything J. Madam, you want to know what I own, what’s mine? FEAR! I’m afraid of everything, everyone, every day, always. And the fact that I bother getting up in the morning means I lie constantly. So why do I want to sleep all day? Because I can’t stand a liar Madam. The lies get bigger, and so do the people that tell them. But B III and 2V? They don’t lie. And Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime, and Cherry… to be real. Everyone Lies Without Any Exceptions.

694 Days Without B III, Day 135 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 176 ~To B Leave Virgil…~

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If I didn’t know better, I’d be all, “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” Um, the only Christmas colors I’ve seen have been on “book” covers. And the toys I got the boys Friday, no holiday tags. But V sees a day I’m still here, and B… “To B Leave Virgil…”

Saturday, December 24, 2022

Saga 176 ~To B Leave Virgil…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That… is a miracle. And miracles is the way things ought to be.” Especially tonight, right?

I wonder how Virgil feels about that. Day 133 for him here. Most having been spent waking up in the dead center of the bed. Terrible choice of words considering for the past 692 days, Braxton has been beside me in a box. Where is “my” positivity, Lady Lunalesca? The only boxes there should be are the ones under the tree. That is if I had bought a tree. The car sounds that way, creaking like I’m carrying goodies galore. Or car sex, whatever, ha-ha. Lady Lu, I should be grateful I kept my word Friday. There are gifts for the boys and breakfast. Well, minus hash browns. But pancakes, sausage, and bacon. And didn’t I say I’m not going out again… on Christmas Eve.

If Virgil knew the “man,” I was on December 2020. I could go back and look… Ok, so that was a mistake eww. But what has changed, Lu? I looked up Angie Griffin, “Cindy Who.” This evening I’ll continue reading “XL Candy Cane.” I was getting to the good part where the “princess” was about to suck on the candy cane.” Lunalesca it’s inevitable. Today ain’t the time. But again, Gospel 176 ~ Will’s Christmas List IV.~ Didn’t mention B. Anyway, as I was saying, I’ll read and then I have to find something other than breakfast food. Braxton and I would watch the Official NORAD Tracks Santa. Memories Lunalesca. Hell! Tonight is the second night of the year. I wake up at 7AM. snickers

I haven’t been time traveling as usual because I don’t have to face Humiliations Galore. But after Christmas? Only Virgil believes that every day as the song goes, “Every Day Will Be Like a Holiday.” That’s one thing he shares with Braxton. Faith misplaced Lunalesca. Much like my Braxton’s. And as for my own, at the moment, there is none. Santa, Satan, Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll. “Give me something to believe in.” Is that you, Lu, and this? Chronicle 174 ~B Come Home For.” How I want to believe Lunalesca, as Virgil does. That may be his first gift to me, his first lesson. Yet, he’s still young. Two years but with me… They’ll be no Merry Christmas. But, To B Leave Virgil…

692 Days Without B III, Day 133 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 175 ~To B Merry Virgil~

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I can’t say “merry” was the first thing I looked up. But the words Merry Christmas will be everywhere. I know I ain’t leaving the house come, Christmas Eve. Virgil’s first Christmas here, Second without B III. But, two gifts to buy. To B Merry Virgil

Friday, December 23, 2022

Saga 175 ~To B Merry Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’d be happy. Only every Billionaire I know is raging against the world. Ah, Misanthropy…

Which is something I’m getting a hefty dose of today. Because I’ll be damned if I leave the house on Christmas Eve. And as I told B yesterday, I left on Christmas for Chinese food. How I hate people. No, No, I’m not being racist. I mean every damn body, as I did my accounts the other day. And what about my son and the other fur baby living here? Are Braxton and Virgil getting gifts? A second Christmas without B. And V’s first real gift. That’s about as merry as I’m going to get. Speaking of which, I don’t know any Marys… well, outside of faith. But what about Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime, and Cherry? The goodness of my heart, to just being horny…

Despite thoughts of hedonism, I can’t go broke in pursuit of this. Again, while I was working on the books the other day. Because the fuck I’m going to write anything. I was trying to figure out how I could get them all gifts. Sophia, I can’t forget Ma. Two presents. But allow me to be a selfish prick and ask, what about me? I have nothing but respect for libraries and would like to visit them. But I’m glad I don’t have to check out Christmas Erotica. I finished the 52-book challenge I put on myself; thank you, Bill Gates. But when you’re reading a book called “XL Candy Cane.” I swear my tortuous methods. Call it Masochism? Sophia, it’s like the song, I’m just a “Sucker for Pain.”

Though I fancy myself more one for Sadism. Which is why there are no people here. Who me? That is the least I can ask for this Christmas. M Anime considers me a man. But I won’t be unwrapping her under the Christmas tree. Fuck! Braxton’s ashes to ashes boxed. I know I’m not merry today and haven’t been for how many years? Especially Braxton. And what about Virgil? When this year ends, I should start reading about doggie behavior. Or how about the maid I tried to bed, that I cooked for. I keep saying I need cookbooks. Only as you can see, misanthropy, hedonism, and Sadism. How about a menu for good Chinese food? My grocery list? Affording anything? To B Merry Virgil

691 Days Without B III, Day 132 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 173 ~ Braxton’s Orders, Virgil’s Order~

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Your wish is my command… especially when pretty girls and my son are involved. But these people giving me orders nowadays. Or the stuff I’m ordering from Amazon. And I’ve taken a look around this place lately. “Braxton’s Orders, Virgil’s Order.”

Wednesday, December 21, 2022

Saga 173 ~ Braxton’s Orders, Virgil’s Order~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And nobody orders billionaires to save the world. No! Rely on the charity of the poor.

Well, aren’t I in the Christmas spirit? There’s only one “spirit” I’m concerned with, as always. And that’s my son’s. Braxton shows up at the weirdest times and places, Echo. Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie? And neither is Terminator 2: Judgment Day. But Inspector, here we are, with me thinking of one line in particular. From John to machine. “I order you not to go. I order you not to go! I ORDER YOU NOT TO GO!” These words. I never spoke them to Braxton but unlike anyone in my existence. My Braxton understood. He would have fought forever and a day if I hadn’t done what I did. That’s love Echo, I know. All the rules I made for him but to obey…

A man chooses, a slave obeys, as Andrew Ryan said. What did that make Braxton? To this day, he is the best “man” I have ever known. And now I look at Virgil Vivi, Inspector. Again, I can’t say I’ve done any training with V. And does he listen to me at all? He stops when I tell him to… for the most part. What does he know about the world, Echo? He was a year and nine months when I met him. Braxton didn’t have any fears. But Virgil, my… no. He’s not my second-born. Hell! It was only this afternoon Inspector. Yes, I forgot his name. Yes, I suffered “Humiliations Galore” and the Day Job. And I fucked up my streak, Leana Lovings.

Yeah, the only time I give any orders or feel any order in this existence is in the bedroom Echo. But it just goes to show hard today has been. Inspector, I always imagine worse. Which, of course, leads me back to my son and the other one living here now. I didn’t even bother to order nacho fries for him. Too concerned with my belly and pleasures always. “‘Order is heaven’s first law.” And even now, with the holiday season, do you see this place as Heaven? I can’t order myself to be happy. And if only B were here. I could be better? Inspector, is that what Braxton was saying, don’t go with him. Die. This Christmas… give orders. Braxton’s Orders, Virgil’s Order

689 Days Without B III, Day 130 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 171 ~I Dare You To Fail~

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I don’t fear failure. No, my problem is I hate living. People fail at life, including me, daily. It’s exhausting. But failure? How many NaNoWriMo’s have I done to fail one or Kindle Reading Challenges. Hell! Keeping my pants on. “I Dare You To Fail.”

Monday, December 19, 2022

Saga 171 ~I Dare You To Fail~

Two-Hundred and Seventy-First Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Hell! I say that like it’s my middle name, much like murderer, pervert, and yeah, even failure.

Where do I begin? Nine times out of ten, it’s with my son. I failed to save him when he needed me most. You’re getting sick of me saying that. AHEM, Day 687, and counting. And while I’m focused on today, I failed to wake up on time. Oh, I rose on time but went right back to sleep. When it comes to the Day Job, yep, I was up on time, no doubt. Then while I was there, I failed to escape Humiliations Galore for God knows how many days. And as always, I failed to be the man Braxton thinks I am. And that’s a good Dad. But if you need some optimism, Madam, I failed to join him wherever he now resides.

Must be some comfy spot because he still hasn’t come back. And Virgil? More optimism. I keep trying, but Enabran Tain was a better “father” to Garak. He trained Garak… Madam, that’s some Star Trek: Deep Space Nine for you. To be one of those people who loves TV and things. I hope I’m not so terrible. But then again, I fail loving, the truth. Madam, do you dare me to tell the truth, or is that one more thing I would fail at? What is the truth, you ask? I could tell you everything, and what would that lead to? It would show my entire life has been a failure. But that’s where this rule comes from. Listening to Eric Thomas many years ago.

I dare you to fail is I dare you to live. And despite everything, I still get up. Never willingly. Unless we’re talking about my addiction, which shows I have gotten past one day of keeping my cock in my pants. But for how much longer? Masturbating… this man’s failure. Madam, that’s less embarrassing than talking to myself. I would do that even before B. When he was around, at least I appeared less crazy. And then, when he left, it was the silence, Madam. It was like I could hear B’s voice but V’s. Only when he’s crying, Madam. But Virgil’s trying too. Fur-babies don’t fail; that’s people. Don’t let me be a failure. Is it up to me? I Dare You To Fail

687 Days Without B III, Day 128 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 169 ~Powers That B, Virgil~

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Didn’t think I’d go all “Colors of The Wind.” But I did go to see Avatar: The Way of Water. There’s Ice-T’s “Colors.” Today, I’m blue, trying not to look at Tifa’s red eyes or V’s white fur. To lose myself in the “blackness.” “Powers That B, Virgil.”

Saturday, December 17, 2022

Saga 169 ~Powers That B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means, as the song goes, “I’ve got the power (power, power).” But not this morning.

If anything, I’m an emotional motherfucker. A little bitch. My apologies for the language Lu. It’s either this or just screaming into a pillow. Well, there is more. Last night, I thought I would easily trade Mental Anguish for Physical Harm. Self-harming doesn’t suit me…

I’m blue. And not in a “Da ba dee da ba di” way, Lady Lunalesca. Is it about my boy, my son Braxton? I can’t deny that. I had a dream my right ear was blue and rotting away. I have no more money for docs this year. Though last night I did see Avatar: The Way of Water. No, I’m not seeing red. Not about that anyway. Anytime I see red… There are reasons red and black are standards.

My battle standard, to be specific. Yesterday I told Lady Sophia that words have power. But colors Lady Lunalesca. Wasn’t Braxton, well, all fur-babies colorblind?

I’m not going to go all teacher’s pet and brown nose, falling down the Internet rabbit hole today. If I want brown, tan… beige, I would instead think of my son. Virgil ain’t Braxton. That’s becoming as common a term as I killed B III and 2V in his white fluff, is what? A ghost haunting me? V’s snow… how cold we are. I’m a snowman. I mean feelings, Lu. Only I rather die than talk to my “father.” I got a text last night from him, and went yellow. Lunalesca, I’ll turn the colors into a series. Red, Black

Lu, allow me to try and keep my “word” and give you a few reasons I pick these two shades.

When I said red, it wasn’t my RAGE that popped up. No, it was worse… it was LUST—Tifa Lockhart’s red eyes. There’s also Cherry’s red lips that match her name. Bloody Hell. There’s the chain I wear of me and B III. Me in my red hoody. Despite it all, there’s RAGE. And so I live in the black, in the darkness, hoping no one can see. B died in the light. Lunalesca, my sexual exploits I keep in the blackness as do most… Internet diving. Lunalesca, I did not know I’d go so far today. Words and now Colors, Powers That B, Virgil.

685 Days Without B III, Day 126 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 168 ~ Virgil’s Library To B~

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How to, like the song, “Lift me up, hold me down, keep me close, safe and sound.” I put my son in a book, two unpublished. Not like all the books I’ve read this year. All the records. And 2V now sitting in B’s room for 125 Days. Virgil’s Library To B

Friday, December 16, 2022

Saga 168 ~ Virgil’s Library To B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m always angry. Or is it scared, maybe tired? Is it horny? A murderer?

All the billionaires on Twitter? I would be in damned good company. Except I take responsibility for “All These Things That I’ve Done.” I didn’t want my son to die. Murdered. That’s the story I’ll keep telling myself. Hell! Everything else seems to pale in comparison. And no, that’s not a dig at Virgil. The truth? Virgil isn’t Braxton reincarnated. I should get back into reading books on dogs. I began “The Christmas Rescue” yesterday. The ways words have of pissing me off, Lady Sophia. These words, these words, these words, they have power. I know I sound um STUPID but take this under consideration. I read The Christmas Wife while Braxton was here. 2021 “The Christmas Nanny.” Now “The Christmas Boss,” “The Christmas Rescue.”

While I’m busy digging up this library and my son’s past, I should also mention… other family. It’s my Ma’s birthday today; no, I don’t know how old she is. Sophia, I can’t even say that I went to get her a gift this year. And no, I didn’t forget (sigh). I’m sick of reading about how broke I’m getting with every passing day. And the possible answer is on all these pages. Or, at the very least, read more and stare at titties less. Is reading about them any better? Last night, I found myself getting pissed even more. First, I blame Elizabeth Kelly. Again I read one of her books with Braxton around. One after. Two with Virgil. Somehow it seems somewhat fitting…

I had a 526 Daily Streak from September 16, 2020, to February 23, 2022. Fucking Kindle ruined it. Anyway, my point is Braxton is between the lines. He’s everywhere, Sophia. Even when I’m sitting here, hot as all Hell from day one of NO FAP again and angry for ruining a seven-day streak. I can imagine B III cuddled up with his Aunt’s boobs today. He died as I had finished reading Succubus Lord 7. And yet I wonder why I listen to the Succubus Lord series again and again. Though the tenth one is my favorite, to be honest. I read The Enchanter after Succubus Lord 7. Thinking of seeing Cherry’s Yabbos for real. So many books, and where’s Virgil? Virgil’s Library To B

684 Days Without B III, Day 125 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 166 ~We B Ballin Virgil~

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Neither Virgil nor I am having a ball. He’s hiding in B’s Room, and I’m under the covers. I’m trying to forget my cowardice because of someone at the Day Job. But I found my balls when it comes to MandySacs or OnlyFans. “We B Ballin Virgil”

Wednesday, December 14, 2022

Saga 166 ~We B Ballin Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But the last thing I would ever build is a basketball court. Wrestling ring, porn studio…

Every day we’ll get there, ok. But first, Echo, I must apologize to my son. I am sorry, B III. I am sorry I did not see to your needs. That I killed you. And I’m never who you think. Oh, to be a man of courage, Inspector. No heart. A soul I’d sell gladly. And like V, no balls. Debatable right? Well, with everything that happened at the Day Job, I don’t think so. But let’s see. First, I didn’t keep my mouth shut and joined in the conversation with these two bastards. Then I let this bitch invade my personal space, which would have been enough but oh no. I let her put words in my mouth and then laugh at me. Fuck!

Don’t I sound like some dickhead Incel? Inspector, if anything, I want to see myself as sympathetic. Inspector, one of the conversations I joined. It was about offensive nail polish names. When I came back to the house, I started reading up on what happened to Mandy Rose in NXT. While I’m a Roxanne Perez fan… as I said, we’ll get there. I was sad when I read what happened to Mandy. I’m pretty tempted to join her MandySacs FanTime. Speaking of the “promise” of titties, what about OnlyFans? If you’re wondering why we’re talking so late. This one woman offered to sext and send ten videos and pics, Echo. I was so fucking ready. Oh, look who found balls because they are turning blue.

7 days Inspector E; a week, and I’ve survived. Will I make it the rest of the day? Do you think? I’m an addict. Not as bad as Lazlow from GTA V, but let’s say it’s more than a hobby. And speaking of addiction, what about a daily energy drink? Well, that’s most people, but I’m staying up half the night and in the morning… Again we’re talking now, Inspector. With all of this, what about Virgil? Well, he’s in Braxton’s Room for a reason. Braxton’s Aunt got a JSS tattoo, “Just Survive Somehow.” Me? I’m all Fear The Walking Dead JIC “Just In Case.” Yeah, I found my balls because I can’t in this game called life. Neither can Virgil. We B Ballin Virgil

682 Days Without B III, Day 123 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 164 ~Dream Big Enough To Wake~

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Champagne wishes and caviar dreams? Nope. Last night I dreamt of candy, pizza, and a breakfast sampler platter (yeah, Succubus Lord). It got as far as steak and sushi. Now, as the song goes, “the dreams in which I’m dying….” Dream Big Enough To Wake.

Monday, December 12, 2022

Saga 164 ~Dream Big Enough To Wake~

Two-Hundred and Seventieth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, but nine times out of ten, you wouldn’t know it by looking at me. Peaches & Cream, more like hoodies and jeans.

If anything, when I dream of the future, well, consider last night. Simplistic. That’s if I want to be nice about it because all I was dreaming about, Madam, was “I Want Candy.” Strawberry and Blue Raspberry, to be specific. Hell! I can walk to the mini-mart. Even before I went to bed, it was all about pizza. I need to stop listening to Succubus Lord every day. If it’s not the “people” porn we get to, it’s the food porn that comes along with those books. I’ve gone from pizza to steak, a breakfast platter, and sushi. A man and his stomach. But it beats getting up because of nature’s call. Or the nightmare that awaits me most days

I call it a Day Job. If my alarm had gone off for that… But no, I only got up to jerk off or rather edge. And that was after letting 2V answer nature’s call. If you’re asking why I’m so late talking to you. If anything, I want to go back to sleep as usual. To live the dream… 680 days now. My vision remains the same. That B III is alive and well. I want my son back. Do you remember when I’d dream he would have all the room to run in the world? Or that he would be on a beach playing with his two-legged siblings. I see him, my Braxton the grey or the white. Too old for this shit

Ironic that my boy dreamed of staying with me, and when I dream now, I want to follow him and never wake up. Another reason that while Virgil is not Braxton. B III sent Virgil? Honestly, he’s plenty white, ha-ha. A ghost in this house? Joining the club, right, Madam. And then there’s what I say every day. This little ball of fluff is pushing me out of bed every day. Hell! Sometimes I’m mad enough to move him but does anger beat indifference? Emotions that are big enough to wake me. But not one is ever for good. Morning wood inspires me to find someone. Reminding me of what I once dreamed. Having a family. That’s a big dream. Dream Big Enough To Wake

680 Days Without B III, Day 121 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will