Tag: Failed

Tale 046 ~Virgil, We’ll Be Listening~

WillLeave a comment

What big ears you have. Is the hole in the fence bigger? Is the phone loud enough.? Then there’s Virgil, who never makes a sound unless I walk out the door. How long do the neighbors have to listen to him? If I will. “Virgil, We’ll Be Listening”

Wednesday, August 16, 2023

Tale 046 ~Virgil, We’ll Be Listening~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So I haven’t been complaining about my ears, the fence, Virgil vomiting on the phone… Uh?

Hell! I should be ashamed that it took him “almost” doing that to get my attention to do something. And after a few days, how is life for him now? If anything, the fact that he’s alive after one year here. Gotcha Day wasn’t big, ha. He had a bath and brush. A new bed? No! If I’m going to spend money… It’s going towards putting my firstborn, my Braxton, in a box. And what about the new one I’m supposed to be buying? If I had money… And that would take getting out of bed. Or how about, I don’t know. Trying to be happy. Is that from B? I wasn’t happy when he was here, but I was better. And then his silence.

What I wouldn’t give for a bout of silence. If anything, shouldn’t this be the most humiliating thing in existence? The fact that I still talk to myself. Imaginary friends. Pretending? At least with Braxton, I could pretend. But even saying V’s name these days. And that’s if I’m not busy moaning… It’s more like I let the girls I watch moan in one way or another. But I’m trying, Inspector. Every day, it gets a little bit “harder.” Really! Considering I’m time traveling now, Monday, August 14, 2023. It’s been 17 days for now. That’s all the bellyaching. Or rather, belly scraping, you’ll hear from me. Not even edging. But there is plenty to be upset about since we’re talking now. The Day Job?

Can I listen to the instructions at work? Don’t be STUPID. I’m not a visual guy there. But all about the visual lady’s Yabbos, but she’s gone. At least she told me she was leaving for a time. God knows I wish I could leave forever. Take from that what you will, Echo, I know. And speaking of which, the things I’ve been saying or, more to the fact, what I’ve been writing about. Will you please understand, Inspector? My mind is about three things. There’s my boys —namely Braxton. There’s making bucks. And, of course, anything to do with making babies. Oh! These three things are like a mixed drink that “messes” me up. 99 Problems. Virgil, me, B’s ghost. Virgil, We’ll Be Listening

927 Days Without B III, Day 368 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 043 ~Gotcha V, B’s Joking~

WillLeave a comment

Happy Gotcha Day… I wonder if V knows? And I’m sure a trip to the groomer was not in his plans today. I’m sure there are better ways to celebrate. Yeah, out of the frying pan and into the fire. It won’t be so bad. I’m not so bad. Gotcha V, B’s Joking

Sunday, August 13, 2023

Tale 043 ~Gotcha V, B’s Joking~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. And then you wake up and see it was all a joke. Hate laughing, smiling, funny face.

For several reasons, but today is not about you… Or is it? First things first, today is Gotcha Day. One year ago, you chose to spend your life… well, his life spent with you. Archie. His name is Virgil Vivi Bradford now. He’s two years old, but again, one of those years was spent with you. If he could have made the choice… Life, um, existence can be one big joke sometimes. Often. And you don’t even have that Jim Kelly, AKA Williams, idea of defeat. “I’ll be too busy looking good.” No. You looked in the mirror this morning. Virgil, this is your… the hell if I know. But a year ago, you told yourself a joke, you know. “That’s Braxton!” Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Pawprints on the Heart: Healing From
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 009 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 016 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Hell! Braxton should have made the list. Then, you would have three out of six. Yesterday, I got four out of four regarding pornographic passions. Right? God knows I wasn’t writing. I worried, so… Konbini Shoujo Z, Alison Angel, “Maxine ASMR Let Me Draw You…” Yesterday was a joke to existence. And it’s enough to make you laugh, as if you might change things. You know. Listen to Michael Jackson’s “Man In The Mirror.” Change? Joking yet again. And it doesn’t seem right. No, not today. Like ever being happy, picturing this time last year, well? Aren’t you glad I made Virgil Vivi a folder? Seeing a file that isn’t all about Yabbos occasionally is nice. Memories for Gotcha Day. A few. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined (A book behind?)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 016 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

The last day you were a father… a daddy was Sunday, January 31, 2021, at approximately 3:46 PM. And on Saturday, August 13, 2022, you thought… “Braxton, I found him!” Reincarnation, 2:05 PM. You thought you were finding that “it’s not quite paradise. But it sure feels like home.” That’s how things were with Braxton. Existence is a bad joke. Braxton was how I handled the heckle —now, being here with Virgil. It’s not funny. Sunday again, don’t you laugh, smile, or make a funny face? It’s only one foot in front of the other. And then what? I’m sure I’ll be finding out with E-Day coming up. Or, M Anime kicking your butt. “It’s not so bad,” Braxton thought once. Gotcha V, B’s Joking

924 Days Without B III, Day 365 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 039 ~Virgil, Braxton Aged Out~

WillLeave a comment

I’m getting too old for this shit. To be living off my Olds. The kids will be on my lawn as the fence falls. When was the last time I got laid? I can’t afford to be a sugar daddy. Fur kids and Depression. But how can that be? Virgil, Braxton Aged Out

Wednesday, August 9, 2023

Tale 039 ~Virgil, Braxton Aged Out~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And other lies I don’t want to hear. Hell! The truth, too. Be positive, happy, thirty-eight.

Because thirty-nine is fast approaching. And what am I going to do with that? I can’t believe I’m thinking this, but does Ron DeSantis have a point about Shakespeare? I’m thinking Romeo + Juliet, to be honest. There’s Thirteen Reasons Why’s “Hannah Baker” and Robert Frobisher from Cloud Atlas. Three teens and a grown-ass man. What did they do? Love? Getting screwed over, literally. Must I be so vulgar? And the world’s coming down. The last few mornings, I have awoken with more tears than usual, Inspector. The thought? Can I say it already? Well, according to my critic, I can’t. EVER! I’m learning to hate reading and writing again. What I read makes me cry, and what I write makes other people. I suck!

And don’t I sound like some teenager? Braxton was fifteen, which is all grown up. Inspector that’s going by fur buddy standards. I doubt I have such resolve to stay. Inspector. Braxton fought tooth and nail to stay. Why can’t I do the same? Exhaustion… The fence is ready to give way any second. How old is it? I think I was thirty-two when Braxton and I moved here… No! I’m sorry. We were placed. Living with my Olds. Sad. While I’m speaking like an old white guy, Mr. Trump. Problems of the past are rushing into the future. To see black people fight against that tide. Montgomery Riverfront Brawl. Meanwhile, I’ve been at my Day Job for how long? If not my Dad. Braxton…

The Day Job would be another good reason not to get up again. Echo, it’s incredible that I can do that with this mattress. Yet where am I right now? Why don’t I leave today? Looking at the clock, it’s past eight, meaning Virgil needs to go outside. The fence? Inspector, I was about to say these glasses are old, but these are only from a year ago. The old ones? Yeah, the ones I had when I would look upon my son. What must I look like now to him? I’m older but no wiser. Because again, something from last year, uh, that’s V. His Gotcha Day is Sunday. So, Petsmart on Saturday? Maybe? The shame, like Braxton dying, remember? Virgil, Braxton Aged Out

920 Days Without B III, Day 361 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 036 ~Virgil, B Holds Greatness~

WillLeave a comment

Either, something’s trying to get me. It’s time to escape. Or I’m “My Own Worst Enemy.” All the above. So why do I hold on? Virgil deserves a nice yard like Braxton had. Embarrassing, Humiliations Galore from the neighbors. Virgil, B Holds Greatness.

Sunday, August 6, 2023

Tale 036 ~Virgil, B Holds Greatness~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. And showing off “that mean, oh mean, mean green. Almighty dollar” would be enough for me. You?

Honest to God, you’re trying hard to hold onto your sanity. The week before last, it was all V… This week, it has been all “Hold The Door” Hodor. The fence, the line, privacy. Hell! I couldn’t hold onto my son. But your Grief? We’ll get to that. We always do now you’re 917 Days in. And what else have you been doing with that time? Just waking up? This is one day that you wish you didn’t have to. If only you could hold onto the dark, ha. Didn’t I talk about the love of death at one point? Necromancy, Zombies, an Apocalypse? You know you could always become a Republican? But you want to hold onto morals, standards… Really! And Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Healing After Pet Loss: Navigating Grief
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 009 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Yeah, I’m pretty damn dedicated to holding these things forever, as you will be, too. Braxton ain’t going nowhere, that’s for sure. Okay, so that’s a lie. And worse? You gave it to him. That lie, dollars that did nothing but bring about his death and his Daddy going “The Distance.” Less Michael Bolton and more Cake. Bowel-shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse. Assail (you), impale (you) with monster truck force,” as the song goes. Now, there’s a thought. Maybe Braxton is trying to escape… So, the fence is failing. Perhaps he is trying to make a comeback. Or he wants to force you to move on from this place? He wouldn’t risk it knowing how you’re feeling right now. Dying with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Pawprints on the Heart: Healing From
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 009 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Number six? One of the things that falls under that is to “Stay Alive.” It could sound better. Hmm? How about the want, need, and desire not only to exist? But to live right now? There is still so much left to learn. But again, Republican tendencies, none of it is any good. One more book on how to mourn your son. Or how not to mend fences at all. Being so in love with death leads to some messed up places… Somnophilia, other words… Eww! That’s a conversation for Inspector Echo. And what about your critics, censorship, more Cake? “In his mind, he’s still driving, still making the grade.” Nope! Behold, beautiful women, your Braxton, and this backyard fence Band-Aid. Virgil, B Holds Greatness

917 Days Without B III, Day 358 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 032 ~To Braxton, Virgil, Cheers~

WillLeave a comment

“I want a new drug.” Not anesthetizing like the Day Job. That’s if I’m not sweating bullets with my anxiety. And there’s bloody zombie movies. Turning “mountains” into snow-covered peaks… Eww! Or crying my eyes out over B. To Braxton, Virgil, Cheers

Wednesday, August 2, 2023

Tale 032 ~To Braxton, Virgil, Cheers~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But the last “drinks” I bought were for Braxton’s Aunt. She knows I’m a lightweight drinker.

Plus, despite everything, I’ll wallow in my grief and depression; thanks, Inspector. I end up crying five out of seven days anyway for various reasons. Braxton, for the most part. I am still considering again; I am time traveling. Today is Monday, July 24, 2023, so I talked to Madam J. And “Dear Future Wife” earlier. Talk about Chronomentrophobia. More like Chronophobia. I don’t even remember who I was talking to about that (sigh). Anyway, we’ll get to that. All I know is, at the moment, I want to drink until I pass out. Braxton is as good of an excuse as any. What if V fell down the stairs where he now sits? With me as a “friend,” he could use a drink, right?

But know this. Dear Inspector, the only one who needs or deserves any “pain” in their existence is me. And yes, I know, I’ve been quoting this Taylor Swift line plenty. “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” The last thing I need to do is start drinking. If I want to throw up, I’ll go to Pizza Hut. Inspector, I’m surprised I can even get anything into my mouth. The way I’ve been spittin’ these days. Hell! I should say spitting, considering how pathetic I’ve been. The Critic? They’ve been quiet. Again, I’m time traveling, so by the time they read this… Inspector, I will be in no mood to care, considering I’ll be sweating bullets. Dangerous… Let’s focus on work and my overwhelming anxiety. Effing Day Job.

I want to cry every time I bother to look at the clock. I swear, next to the Man In The Mirror. There are those red numbers on the clock. I jump whenever I hear the phone go off. If it’s not a Facebook hacker, then it’s some alarm I’ve set to keep me moving. Being productive? The mirror, phone, the Day Job, uh Virgil. Why am I being a meanie, Echo? It’s like things that make me burst into tears for 500. Blood, sweat, and tears? What else, let me see… Better yet, NOOOO! NO! Because some girl is going to make the list. Then… Chances are I’ve broken, but again, who knows? Is alcohol a better vice? You think? To Braxton, Virgil, Cheers

913 Days Without B III, Day 354 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 029 ~Virgil Will B Twenty-Four~

WillLeave a comment

One day left to exist… I’ve been there more times than I care to admit. Once, I downed some sleeping pills. I had Taco Bell with painkillers. Passed out before walking Braxton. Hugged him on January 31. Then Virgil got sick. Virgil Will B Twenty-Four

Sunday, July 30, 2023

Tale 029 ~Virgil Will B Twenty-Four~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But Thirty-eight beats never. Now’s not the time for joking. You are the worst joke of all?

You knew that was coming. Hell! I’ve been through enough. And you’re looking at the clock with bated breath. A spoiled, self-centered, selfish… God, you want to say more, ha. Once again, there’s no time for silliness or smiling. For the love of everything, smile? Please, don’t! But you can appreciate that you wouldn’t have had to clean anything in a few hours. And everything’s back to normal. Say his name: Virgil Vivi Bradford. Yeah! You had to delete Braxton’s middle name, which says much about your mental state. As the song goes, “If I Only Had A Brain.” You need a (growls) a heart. That’s my advice for you. With everything I did yesterday… Was it for love? It wasn’t those Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Succubus 8 (Riddles And Revenge) LitRPG
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Use your head. That would be another piece of advice. A heart would be fantastic. Yesterday, I was using my head to track down veterinarians. How many did I call? Republican fallacy that. I was offering thoughts and prayers for Virgil. And it paid off… And besides the almost whole day, I spent trying to save Virgil. And you wake up to the memories of Braxton. Do you know what other names came? Uh, what’s under the Visual Lady’s shirt and Chasity Lynn? Tsk, tsk, right? I swear I treat “adult situations” like a zombie virus. Add to that selfishness and stupidity. All about the letter S. It’s so dumb. Which is why you want to sleep existence away. And not do Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Healing After Pet Loss: Navigating Grief
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You have twenty-four hours. Isn’t that what the motivations would say? Ah! Good Times. You were up on time, and what did you do for, let’s say, an hour and a half? Uh-huh. Yeah. All last week, I was talking about time. Or was it this week? Whatever! It was about how I fear it. Then, last night, I looked in the mirror. My last piece of advice… Smiling. Repeating myself, I know, but don’t smile. It’s so gross (shudders). Worse than Virgil throwing up. What about seeing him through another twenty-four hours? Didn’t I say everything would be okay if I got to August? In October, Virgil will be twenty-one. A few months after? A new day. Suck it up. Virgil Will B Twenty-Four

910 Days Without B III, Day 351 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 025 ~Virgil Floors It Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

I’m not going up to the top floor. Hell! I’m lucky any day I stay above ground. Uh, lucky? “All These Things That I’ve Done” I deserve the ending to Drag Me To Hell. If the floor keeps going as it is or V vomits again… “Virgil Floors It Braxton”

Wednesday, July 26, 2023

Tale 025 ~Virgil Floors It Braxton~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I doubt that comes from recycling. I can also afford a maid. Uh, Special K…

Have I ever told you the story about trying to sleep with her? I couldn’t let her stick to cleaning. Oh no, not me! Mr. Wanna be Christian Grey. Hell! I’m also still pulling that stuff when it comes to M-Anime. It’s always pedal to the metal Inspector Echo. Speaking of being in a rush… Nice Guys Finish Last; I know, Inspector. Women here? Nope, I was returning from the store only to discover 2V losing his damn mind. I mean, I was talking about drinking to one of the girls, and here’s V vomiting all over. Eww! Could you not ask me what brought it on? Then again. Even to this very day. I don’t know why Braxton got sick when he did. And I was slow to help…

And by the time I did… Do I need to begin the morning with tears? Well, another crying session, since I was when I woke up on time again sigh. Two hours I wasted, Inspector, on? I swear I would never leave the bed if I had my way. Not ever again. Yet, somehow, I’m trying to make it a habit not to keep the laptop near the bed. Inspector, incentivizing comfy spots. When it comes to being comfortable… 27×27. Remember that Inspector, would you, please? The size of B’s pillow. I swear I want to be mad at Virgil Vivi. I destroyed one trying to wash it when he crapped. Now, he’s thrown up on another. And didn’t I mention I have no money? The floor beside the AC…

The moment I step out of bed, Inspector… Nothing good ever happens with a step. Inspector, how can it come as any surprise that Virgil doesn’t want to walk around? Braxton said it easy enough. Not one more step. And he died in his bed. A way to go, B. I’m sick of running away, Inspector. I’m scared all the damn time. Sleeping, dying, uh… You know what I want to say. I told M Anime I’m a man but to be some Onlyfans girl. Hell! Johnny Sins, Isiah Maxwell, Dennis Hof, Hugh Hefner etc. Men living in bed, hmm. Or if I could say, this far no further and sit here and write. I EXIST with the breaks off. Crashing. Virgil Floors It Braxton

906 Days Without B III, Day 347 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 022 ~B Waking Up Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Well, a cappuccino ain’t cuttin’ it. Nor a hundred likes on Instagram. And V isn’t waking me up if there isn’t a storm. So why wake up? To keep Braxton alive? And how did that turn out? No new audiobooks or “life” prospects. “B Waking Up Virgil”

Sunday, July 23, 2023

Tale 022 ~B Waking Up Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But sometimes. Yeah, the week’s just started; sometimes, when you wake up hot. Feels like you won.

Because you’re in Hell, so it must mean you’re dead. Ain’t that a cheery thought? Beginnings of a new week. But you woke up on time for something other than the Day Job. And then you… Well? You know what you want to say, but when you have critics? And so you wonder why you want to be read. It’s not like I helped Saturday. Honestly, you’re too “adult?” Yeah, go ahead and laugh. Brings a tear to your eye. Dammit the song “Sweet Cherry Pie.” Which is, of course, why you’ll get into trouble. Anyway, you’re too apathetic to “Life Itself.” The movie… and, of course, yours in general. Or should you say adversarial to yourself and everyone in this existence? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “GOLDEN ECLIPSE: HEART DOG,” Howard Schultheis
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 005 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Funny how things like being happy, human, how about hung? Do you remember what you said about being adult and apathetic? Geez! Such dark thoughts for this AM, uh huh. But it is Sunday. Oh, how you looked forward to the dead. Or at least the infected. You’re all into Necromancy, hmm. But Braxton ain’t coming back. Did you think today was the day you’d forget him? If you weren’t worthy of Hell before for betraying your little boy. Only then would you be waking up cold. You know, with the Ninth Circle of Hell and all. And you had an intriguing thought. Now you said you could never be a doctor, uh, you know. “We’re The Ones Who Live.” Hell! These, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Succubus 8 (Riddles And Revenge) LitRPG
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

They are going to… Censorship is driving you crazy. And didn’t you already say, dammit? Okay, now besides being so very STUPID and unhelpful… Hmm, maybe you could be a doctor in this new America. What you’re trying to say is this. You could have studied the dead. And back when I was into science, I could have learned about viruses, sicknesses, and plagues. Talk about having a life – an existence worth living, waking today? Truthfully, besides not wanting to at all. There’s nothing to look so see here. Existence. The day never officially began until Braxton stepped on my face. Virgil lies here waiting. Living with a corpse, a ghost, or a zombie is terrible. But I replaced the air filter. A day’s accomplishment. B Waking Up Virgil

903 Days Without B III, Day 344 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 018 ~Braxton, Good Grief, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Charlie Brown had it right with “Good Grief.” Though I’m more of a Samuel L. Jackson, Ving Rhames guy. AHEM “Mother effer!” (Don’t I wish). But no, I wake up to fear and grief and go through the day wishing I could say, “Braxton, Good Grief, Virgil.”

Wednesday, July 19, 2023

Tale 018 ~Braxton, Good Grief, Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but as the song goes, “Money can’t buy me love.” Or happiness… courage… my best friend…

What about a damn dictionary so I know what all these big, scary words mean? Will you allow me to be down on myself today, Echo? Hell! I’ve been asking that since 6 AM. I want to go back to sleep, but there’s ANXIETY, some “Adrenaline” and asshole hackers. If I want to “remember what fear tastes like” (thank you, Freddy). I need only think of when I sat there thinking and then knowing that my son B III would die Echo. There’s waking up in the morning and getting emails that someone tried to get into my account. Which hasn’t been challenged forever. Will it happen again? Am I a fool? Inspector, I feel STUPID, waking up each morning to fear anything and everything.

What about I read a damn thesaurus while I wait for the fear to subside? It never does Inspector, ever. Now, that’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one. When B was here, protected, loved. Thou Art Courageous. I swear, Inspector, the things I did. How brave I became, always. Another lie. Because as soon as Braxton died and to this very day… Courage, where. Fear is not synonymous with grief. Though you could have fooled me with how I was crying this morning from damn near everything. I’m not even sure I’m done, Inspector. Braxton’s lessons were meant to teach me how to overcome my fears, Inspector. I tried. Virgil’s lessons are meant to teach me how to move through my grief. A trade-off?

What about my damn book! I could spend plenty of time trying to get it banned like any effing Republican. And I wouldn’t even have to read it. It’s the writing that’s a bitch, ha. As if I need to put any more secrets out into the world, with fucking hackers all over the place. You never realize how vulnerable you are. That’s why I forget with all my sleep. Inspector, I hide in fur with both Braxton and Virgil. Which reminds me. Virgil needs a bath with all that white fur of his. Not that he likes me hugging him anyway, that’s for sure. But I waste time fucking around all day from not fixing the air filter. Good Grief. Braxton, Good Grief, Virgil

899 Days Without B III, Day 340 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 015 ~Braxton’s Good News Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

So what’s the bad news? Well, I woke up. Good news? Well, that’s always someone else. And I ain’t Red from Shawshank. A part of me does rejoice. Braxton’s not in pain anymore. Virgil sleeps on the bed. Ole girl got home. “Braxton’s Good News Virgil.”

Sunday, July 16, 2023

Tale 015 ~Braxton’s Good News Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But you’re not trending or going viral. You’re not even in the top percentile on OnlyFans. Relax.

Easier said than done, am I right? Oh! You’re sitting in bed, wasting another morning. Even later than usual (sigh). Not that I can blame you after yesterday. Adulting sucks! More like Math. And while you hate the idea of, (things could be worse). Well, they could be. The money’s there, only much less of it. It’s not like, well, you know. Braxton is dead. This was supposed to be good news. But B’s still dead. You have a lot less money today. Hell! Your pants were around your ankles a while ago. Feeling something beats feeling nothing? It’s like out of The Color Purple. How dare you! Isn’t that a classic, hmm? “Your black, you’re poor, you’re ugly.” And there are Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING – Buried Deep in our Hearts
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 005 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

When you can only ever do one. So what’s the bad news? Well, besides being a pop culture whore. “Thy tears are womanish; thy wild acts denote The unreasonable fury of a beast. Unseemly woman in a seeming man!” A bit of Romeo + Juliet for you as well (sigh). Dammit! There’s the fact you even have the audacity and knowledge to think such things. “There are thou happy?” Okay, so you’re never happy. That word need not exist here. But Virgil does. After spending all that money, I had groceries, and Virgil was living. Billionaires don’t care about others with all they have, but I have so little. And yes, you have even less. Only you continue to exist with these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “GOLDEN ECLIPSE: HEART DOG,” Howard Schultheis
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 005 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Good News! You have to be positive. And, of course, that ain’t me talking. Effing critics. You did wake up to find out they found that woman who disappeared, Carlee Russell. Again you find out that the phone is only a porno device, but you can do good for once or at least find it. Out there in the world. I don’t know how long that will last with everything. At least you aren’t buying into The Pic Phenomenon… Bill’s Visiting? Dammit, More Money! More Money! Lost! You’ll need something to make you feel better, right? Before you go to boobs, um, books? Something from the bakery. Did you forget to buy something for Braxton? Do you want some good news? Braxton’s Good News Virgil

896 Days Without B III, Day 337 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will