Tag: Guilt

Meditation 004 ~We’ll B Shopping, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

“Attention all shoppers…, Attention all shoppers,” my boy has passed. Well, he did three years ago. You should go buy Attention, Shoppers by Blair Daniels. It’s a great read. And I could use the Bluemart incident to shop. “We’ll B Shopping, Virgil”

Friday, July 5, 2024

Meditation 004 ~We’ll B Shopping, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… And no, it isn’t about buying a new book. I’m feeling the weight of financial constraints, Sophia. I don’t have money for fun frolicking or effing.

So, another story about Braxton, then? Like how he had the good sense to go to his room when he felt the “spirit.” Virgil doesn’t share that sentiment even after 692 days. So the gate is up, and he’s been sleeping outside the bedroom since Wednesday, July 3, 2024. Ha!

I know that’s not funny. If I had the money, I would buy some books on pet training… And didn’t I say I should stop reading books on pet loss? Uh, child loss… It’s been a struggle, Sophia. Nothing new.

After reading about fur buddies, I returned to a HaremLit series. It’s Dystopian Girls 4. Again, I need more cash. The need is becoming more urgent, Sophia. And why’s that?

I’ve been writing and then whacking. Oh, and book reviews:

Attention, Shoppers, Buy This Now

I’ve never given Walmart five stars. But Attention, Shoppers by Blair Daniels deserves them all. That’s including the Bluemart employees. The story could have added on to them, but still… For being short, this book had everything… Yeah, just like a Walmart. Only I wanted to be in this story. Did I really say that and mean it? Yep! My favorite part was the realism of it all. I may ignore most conspiracy theories. But having worked retail, don’t tell me something like this couldn’t ever happen. And the people. Speaking of which. I know plenty of people who could get into this. It even inspired me in my writing. Though I’m more S. Wolf meets Stephen King. Attention, Shoppers…

This is the stuff dreams and nightmares are made of.

That’s one more book review down. If only I had written it sooner, Lady Sophia. But another drawback of keeping Virgil out has been that I have been all alone. Well, what about Braxton’s ghost, spirit, or whatever? And it doesn’t help that I’m listening to Satan’s Sorority Girls 3, an audiobook about The Resurrection of Christina Fry. I need to get the fourth book, but I need more cash.

So this morning, I’m up and moaning as I continue writing about M Anime’s nightmare. A raunchy, revealing romp with her. Another three hundred words. But I’m not participating in Camp NaNoWriMo this month. And even if I was, I have to go shopping today… With what money? I’m reading zero. We’ll B Shopping, Virgil

1251 Days Without B III, Day 692 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 002 ~B In BBWS, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

My Braxton was barely six pounds at his passing. I never knew grief could be so big until the ocean I cried for him. My rage would show there was no more room in Hell. And desire for release… Stars, Skinny Minnie’s, some Big’Uns. “B In BBWS, Virgil.”

Wednesday, July 3, 2024

Meditation 002 ~B In BBWS, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned, Inspector, in ways that may seem RUDE, SKEEVY, and unforgivable. My greatest sin, the one that haunts me even today, I lay bare before you. Accept it, for I am burdened with guilt.

Never! On the second day of a new writing year, I cannot choose ACCEPTANCE of my darkest sin. I wouldn’t on Sunday, January 31, 2021. And as I can’t do this Sunday, June 23, 2024. This pattern of denial has become a sin unto itself.

Well, I’m sure I have Humiliations Galore. But I rather not imagine them. I want to avoid rereading what led me to create this platform in the first place. I told the “Man In The Mirror” that I didn’t want to fail in putting out “my” poetry book, GULP. Seeing as how I have a week to prepare. If I only had a week with Braxton when he got sick… If I would have known.

Inspector, do you know I was practicing “abstinence” even before I found out about B?

Yeah, let’s go with that.

When Braxton was around, I wasn’t much for women. His presence was so strong, so clinging, especially in those final days. But I wasn’t UP for watching pairs of Yabbos. I was protecting my son from one thing but overlooked his actual danger. And so I failed as a father. And as a man, saving him. The regret is overwhelming.

So, I’ve been sitting here, trying to deny myself ‘self-fulfillment.’ “Do or do not. There is no try.” But it’s a constant struggle. It feels like a fitting punishment for my sins but also a source of deep personal conflict.

I remember I went 161 days without until, well, uh…

As the song goes, “I’m rich BLANK, I’m a BLANK Big Tymer.” I’m greedy! Selfish!

Inspector Echo, I never saw myself as one who would idolize Scarface’s stance on things.

“Me, I want what’s coming to me. The world, chico, and everything in it.”
Scarface

Wanting a specific size of woman is only another symptom of that… I’m equal opportunity with girls, as you know. But I’ve been thinking a lot. Oh! I’m not writing.

I lost control of my desires when a blonde celebrity, whose name I’d rather not mention, rubbed her legs during an interview. Today, I watched an Asian woman with the nicest Yabbos I’ve seen in some time, Inspector. These encounters, with particular anime, “Fake Driving School,” along with thoughts of Cherry, have tested my self-control.

But the critic doesn’t like that. My grief is an ocean. My rage encompasses Hell. Desires? B In BBWS, Virgil

1249 Days Without B III, Day 690 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 363 ~Virgil, Tells B Stories~

WillLeave a comment

We ain’t The Walking Dead. Am I trying to convince Virgil of that or myself? On Monday, June 17, 2024, I’m reading about “zombies” and retail staff. The difference? One has money to feed V and me. And buy a bitchin’ tracksuit. Virgil, Tells B Stories

Friday, June 28, 2024

Tale 363 ~Virgil, Tells B Stories~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Only you know me too well. All my “good” stories are something like “Wraith Babes.” Sigh.

Because the critic will demand an explanation. AHEM! Wraith Babes comes from the show “Black Mirror.” Specifically, Season 1 Episode 2, “Fifteen Million Merits,” Sophia. It’s been a while since I’ve last mentioned that show. I know. There’s free time.

However, everything falls back to my son Braxton. But when was the last time I told you a story about him? Well, other than how much I miss my boy. And again, there’s time now.

There won’t even be a book review today because I’m unsure what I’ll be reading. Today is Friday, June 14, 2024. I’ve started reading the book, “Attention, Shoppers” by Blair Daniels. Wow! Do I miss my Day Job? Retail and zombies… I think. “We’ve Only Just Begun,” right Lady Sophia?

Sigh, for context, I know “The Carpenters” song from the film “1408.” A man trapped. But this isn’t a hotel. This is supposed to be home. It was for Braxton. But for me, the word home, much like happiness, doesn’t register any meaning with me. But where can I go?

Especially since the only story I want to tell is about how I made money. And for over a decade, that’s been with the Day Job, which I worry about. When I’m not watching TV.

My Day Job is like something out of Hulu’s The Mill or, again, Netflix’s Fifteen Million Merits. Why not add The Book of Clarence? Because I’m not a scammer. There’s The American Society of Magical… No one’s seeking me out.

Well, except for my boys Braxton and Virgil. A Ghost, perhaps? And another I should have named Ghost because of his white fur. Or how about Snoopy? Because I’m not watching Game of Thrones. All this free time, Lady Sophia and I can only see the ways to waste it.

I can tell you other people’s stories… Horror stories like 1408 and Attention, Shoppers. Ha!

And yes, I’m wasting money or thinking of ways to waste it. I mean, Blair Daniels’s book was only a buck. I want to cosplay as Bing or Wraith. Those tracksuits looked a bit comfy.

And what is Virgil going to tell Braxton? I’ll catch him in the act of communing with my lost son. Maybe. Virgil, Tells B Stories

1244 Days Without B III, Day 685 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 361 ~Virgil Becomes Routine, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

I relate to Joe Stevens in “The Mill,” Bingham Madsen in Fifteen Million Merits, #000000014 from the film 2003 Share? Clarence in The Book of Clarence. Men in routines to a wife, Abi, girlfriends, a mom. I got Virgil. Virgil Becomes Routine, Braxton.

Wednesday, June 26, 2024

Tale 361 ~Virgil Becomes Routine, Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Well, not if you’ve “joined Braxton.” That’s become my new way of saying “unalive.” Censorship sometimes, Inspector Echo…

But this morning, after I finished mourning the loss of my Braxton… Is that something that needs to be scheduled? It’s my morning routine. I lie in the darkness, Inspector. Moments later, I panic. And then I realize that my son, Braxton, is gone. And he’s not coming back to me or for me. And then I lay back down. Sometime later, I find my glasses, and finally, I’m prepared to see the world. Well, no, that’s a lie for two reasons. Fear and effing.

So after I’m done moaning in a completely different way… For legs, breasts, and thighs…

That makes me smile. Braxton thought the best came out of a box of chicken. But then, what’s next on my agenda. My boy, Virgil?

All these motivations I listen to tell me that your success is made in your routine. This week will be so easy. I thought. I would publish a poetry compilation, “GULP,” and that would be that. But if I have accomplished anything, it’s setting a routine for Virgil. Wake up and let him go outside… Sorry, I’m too busy crying. And then I remember how much of an adult I am with my Yabbos collections. And before I start writing…

There’s Virgil. Sometime in the afternoon, Virgil again. Like having a 9 to 5, Virgil is my commute. And before I fall asleep with all the lights on, Yep, you guessed it. Let V out.

And yet I ain’t his Daddy, Inspector. What am I?

I asked Braxton’s aunt once who she thought would win between androids vs. zombies? That’s a weird question, Inspector… Right?

She said androids, but here’s the thing. Neither one is alive. Just like me, Inspector. I struggle with ‘becoming Human’ and ‘Being a man ‘. Am I just going through the motions, like an android? Have I ever truly lived? Inspector, I feel like a lot of things, an android… Inspector, I could be a bot, Infected, a slave, a zombie… I could go on. How to be a man?

I keep going back to fatherhood being the epitome of manhood. A Man Provides, Echo.

And what I should have provided this week, Inspector Echo, is time enough at last…

Every afternoon, though, you’ll find me “spending my dimes, wasting my time” on my belly.

Or on my back moaning…

Routine? Not writing, filming, reviewing? Nothing! Virgil Becomes Routine, Braxton

1242 Days Without B III, Day 683 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 356 ~Virgil, It’s Been… Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

Considering I can’t buy all the books I want, I shouldn’t miss Kindle’s double points. Yes, give Jeff Bezos more money. And speaking of giving out money. My father’s B-Day is soon. And since I have a Day Job… Read on? Virgil, It’s Been… Braxton?

Friday, June 21, 2024

Tale 356 ~Virgil, It’s Been… Braxton~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Judging by that title, I would rather tell Braxton tales. Humiliations, Happy Birthdays, Humping Around, Hiccups…

In my childhood, growth and development in becoming a REAL man? I need more books. Yesterday, I was looking up books about Dog Dads. I’m still missing my Braxton, Sophia.

Walking through the front door is weird, and I have to cycle between the letters B and V, as in Braxton and Virgil. And no, I am no closer to Acceptance. Braxton being gone, never!

But if I’m not reading about another book on my son’s passing, what’s next, Sophia? Thursday, I finished “Attention, Shoppers” by Blair Daniels. Only today’s book review will cover Backyard Dungeon 11 by Logan Jacobs. And what about book 12? Strangely enough, all I’ve been reading has manhood/fatherhood vibes at its core, dear Lady Sophia.

But first, that book review.

A 7-11 In Backyard Dungeon

I’m picking up another four stars for Backyard Dungeon 11. Is there any chance of five since I’ve read the first ten books? Close, but there is always a “but” or seven. Ha-Ha! What’s a man to do when he has everything: seven wives, his dogs/garms, and his first child? As the saying goes, “Disregard Females, Acquire Currency.” Well, not that first part… Besides all the Effing of his seven wives… Soon to be eight? Screwing up his enemies is quite a fun time reading about. And the pop culture references scattered about. However, this title is more of a guilty pleasure of mine. Even with some of my more open-minded friends… the redneck shenanigans, Colonizer chicanery can’t be ignored.

So, back to this existence, what all happened yesterday had me waking up at 3:00 AM to a nightmare. Isn’t every day with my firstborn son? Anyway, the Day Job was exhausting and humiliating as usual. But I don’t have to worry about the schedule.

Sophia, I should “Shout Praises!” I’ve been worried about the Day Job. Only now… Sigh.

My father’s birthday is coming up. I could get him the books he told me to read, Animal Farm and 1984. And look at me now, on the cusp of living out those books in real time, Soph. And even writing them. I did work on GULP before I got the schedule, so no time?

Tell that to Braxton. I wish. Virgil, It’s Been… Braxton

1237 Days Without B III, Day 678 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 354 ~We’ll B FREE, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Juneteenth… First, let me explain that I’m just a black man. And no MAGA/GOP, that isn’t a sin. My sin lies in my son Braxton’s Euthanasia. I’ll never be free of my Grief. But, fear, bad dreams, my Olds, Day Job… FREEDOM! “We’ll B FREE, Virgil.”

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Tale 354 ~We’ll B FREE, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. And I don’t mean not keeping my promise to my son Braxton. That title sounded familiar, Inspector Echo.

FREEDOM is a significant word in my life, much like HAPPINESS or HOME. Yet, these words, these concepts, seem distant and intangible. They are mere symbols devoid of real meaning. They are like a cow’s mess, scattered and meaningless… BS

Inspector, you want a word that means anything. I can give you one, meaning everything.

Braxton. Braxton Barks Bradford. Son.

I’ve told the story of B III’s name, or at least my opinion. My Ma gave Braxton his name. Uh…

My son Braxton was named after Braxton P. Hartnabrig, a character from The Jamie Foxx Show. This character was a tall, light-skinned man with a ‘classy’ attitude. However, my son Braxton, a short, beige fluff ball, shares only his name and believes he’s superior to everyone. But he lacks the class. Ha! My brave boy.

Hence, his middle name Barks.

Now, I named Virgil after the Roman poet of the same name. Primarily because he led Dante through Hell itself. That’s another sin; I dragged Virgil down here with me.

Inspector as I speak on the sins against my sons, Braxton and Virgil. It would be remiss not to talk about the third sin that has brought us here today. And that is of FREEDOM.

Today is Juneteenth, a day of liberation and freedom long denied. So what about mine? I was “freed” from sleep because of a bad dream. I make bad financial decisions.

$139.68, that’s the exact amount of a PAYCHECK. And that’s from the last ‘good’ week. This week has been worse. The next one promises to be even more challenging. PAYCHECK, HAPPINESS, HOME, FREEDOM… These are just words, empty and meaningless. Yet, I continue to write.

Because aren’t I a writer? All words have meaning. And how else do I expect to be free, I ask!

How many hours for my last measly PAYCHECK? And at the same time, barely any hours this week. And if I had any cash, I could go on vacation for most of next week, too.

Write, Edit, Publish! That is the key to freedom, but did you see me yesterday? Inspector, you can’t say that I didn’t try. What? I didn’t try to edit one of “my” books.” My pants?

Well, I kept them on. I still have $12.00 on OnlyFans, but I need $20.00 for a payout. What’s next?

FREEDOM from everything… well, FEAR! Because Grief is going nowhere. Braxton. We’ll B FREE, Virgil

1235 Days Without B III, Day 676 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 349 ~Virgil, Will, Forever B~

WillLeave a comment

So many monsters know immortality, eternity, and forever. My Braxton could be a beast. Ha! And he’s up there terrorizing a heavenly buffet or guarding the gates of “heck.” Where will I end up? All the time in the world, right? Virgil, Will, Forever B

Friday, June 14, 2024

Tale 349 ~Virgil, Will, Forever B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Is my autobiography too painful? Well, “I Can’t Stop.” And then there’s Braxton and MORE BOOKS!

But what about Braxton’s two novels? They are not just novels but deeply personal accounts of our shared experiences. As I’ve told Braxton and some of the girls, I have more than enough time. More than Three Days Grace and the “Pain” of it all. So I should start now.

But already, I’m late. That’s one of Braxton’s last lessons to me. I was so busy with the Day Job that I ignored him. Three years later, I’m scared of losing all “my” working hours.

Seriously, at the same Day Job, I blame for losing him. They are the only people at fault other than myself for Braxton having to be put to sleep. Much like the term Euthanasia, I hate that phrase being “put to sleep.” I nearly explained that to one of my nephews. But there are books:

“Loosing” A Pet Lost Stars

I’m not going to say anything about “Loosing” a pet. I don’t know if I would be right or wrong. But I’ll tell you what I know. It’s three stars. And let me tell you what else I know. I love my boy. He’s been gone three long years, and this book made me cry. But I cry with every book on pet loss, too. The most I got from Hannah Bennett’s The Survival Guide to Pet Loss is more ways to honor my furry son’s life. And his passing. But with the friends, I know that have experienced the same… I don’t like the fact I’ve read so many books on this pain. But I can recommend better titles.

One more book review down, Lady Sophia. What do THEY say… the internet is forever?

And that’s what I’ve been thinking about between the Day Job, the dollars lost, and another D that hasn’t done anything for me in a week. Is this how I want to be remembered, Lady Sophia? A guy who is lost in a Divinyls ditty, “I Touch Myself.” Uh, Eww!

I would rather be known as a devoted father of two… so far. But again, my Braxton is gone. And Virgil, my other “son,” and I aren’t exactly on the best terms. Always and Forever? But yes, I’ve called him son here or there, but…

But nothing. I have to write. And look at the time. It may look like forever. But only Braxton knows forever. Virgil, Will, Forever B

1230 Days Without B III, Day 671 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 347 ~Codes B And V~

WillLeave a comment

This is no game; this is no drill. Battle Stations! Um, Abandon Ship… from my brief stint in the Navy. I’ve cried so many tears. Sweated bullets. And let’s not talk about other bodily fluids. I’m supposed to exist in “this.” But no Codes B And V

Wednesday, June 12, 2024

Tale 347 ~Codes B And V~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Have I spent too much money… AGAIN! Last time I checked, Virgil is alive and “physically” well. Mentally?

Well, here on this Wednesday, June 5, 2024… V’s probably sitting on the stairs, too scared to come down. So was Braxton on that Sunday, January 31, 2021. Even if he had wanted to, which he didn’t. My son was way too sick. Dying actually. A red alert, dear Echo.

Fears like losing another fur buddy have me like Tris from Divergent. Fear keeps me up longer than any energy drink. And when Braxton was here, I could face it head-on. I found courage for my son because of my son. Someone asked, If you wanted to share your soulmate pet’s life story and you only had six words, what would they be?” My answer:

“You and me, against the world.” A father and son.

“Fear doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up.” Divergent

Should it worry me that I’ve written two full-blown novels for Braxton? And I’m doing nothing with them, Inspector? But six little words on the fly fit me and B III easily. Shame on me.

What about the fact that 2V has been here for 669 days? And he and I still haven’t bonded. That’s a cause for a red alert if I’ve ever heard one. General Quarters, Battle Stations!

Virgil and I are pretty decent. I should save that for my Old Man. Did I call him yet? Hmm.

There’s the alarm for when I go to the Day Job. Humiliations Galore! Inspector Echo.

Whenever the next “tragedy” strikes. As in Virgil making a mess. To the fence falling. What about DISH Network, Inspector?

I swear! I will stop talking about that because what was I watching anyway? Inspector, what have I been watching for the past few minutes? It should be a red flag or alert that I’m always angry, afraid, and amorous at any given point and time. And as far as being “amorous…” A safe word? I need some code words. Or I should stop talking because I’m the only one ever in trouble. Critical writing, Inspector. The sounds of silence.

Only when I’m in the duvet, dead, or being disgusting. And when I’m disgusting Echo. Now that’s an alert I can do without when I’m about to… well, Inspector… Eww!

Deciding how to exist was easier once. But Red Alert… no Codes B And V

1228 Days Without B III, Day 669 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 342 ~Virgil, B Before Stupid~

WillLeave a comment

I’m stupid before I begin to be. Setting one foot out of this bed is the dumbest thing ever. Other than looking up “Stuff & Thangs” on the phone. But what’s a guy to do? The next Hunger Games isn’t out until 2025. To see it… “Virgil, B Before Stupid”

Friday, June 7, 2024

Tale 342 ~Virgil, B Before Stupid~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… I could tell you 52 stories. Well, 23 this year. I could offer something of value.

And I will, Sophia. You’ll get a “Meditations” review. Even though I don’t feel well. That’s both physically and mentally for once. So, I should tell you the story of how I got here. That’s a long story. And I only have four hundred words. To be a better man… Anyway, the short story is… Braxton is gone. He passed. He was Euthanized. The truth…

Turns out critics don’t want the truth. But neither do the people they criticize, Sophia. Dear Lady, is that the reason I haven’t started on my autobiography? One more fear…

No! Last night, I was far too busy moaning OMG into my pillow. Looking at surprise, surprise, some lovely brunette on my phone. Fantasies? You deserve an honest book review:

Meditations… Because When In Rome

When in Rome… But I wouldn’t give the glory of that empire five stars. Yet Marcus Aurelius indeed makes it worth four stars with his work Mediations. His work, wow. If only he knew. If only I knew. I’m still trying to find that key to fifty million fables. But this book is a good place to start. I think… That’s the thing, I guess. Because I had to stop so many times to copy his quotes. At times, I was overwhelmed, which he was too, with this. And while I would share it with my friends… It wouldn’t necessarily be this version. “Context” is great. The Introduction had me ready to quit. Which would have been a big mistake.

I’m sure people will say my “life’s” work is one big mistake. But they’ll use far more colorful words. You know, I want to. But as I sat at the Day Job yesterday, the title of my autobiography came to mind… “B Before Stupid.” My son Braxton was/is my existence. Every page of this existence is filled with memories of him. His loss has left a gaping hole in my heart, yet to be filled.

But yesterday and this morning, after I finished being disgusting. I wanted to join Braxton. Sigh. Sophia, a fur buddy and a “good” girl, is all I want. But my BIII is gone. And 2-V?

Women… Uh? You know me. So does Cherry. I read her story this morning… Awkward

Don’t go throwing Little Shop of Horrors and Japanese anime into the same Crock Pot.

I should follow my own advice. Virgil, B Before Stupid.

1223 Days Without B III, Day 664 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 340 ~Virgil, We’ll B Humiliated~

WillLeave a comment

Wake Up! Yes, I hate bright lights. Yes, I would rather bask in the darkness than see in the light of day I’ve wasted 39 years. Yes, people are horrible. But try waking up every morning to… Sigh… “Humiliations Galore.” Virgil, We’ll B Humiliated

Wednesday, June 5, 2024

Tale 340 ~Virgil, We’ll B Humiliated~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Losing Braxton, waking up before and after losing Braxton. There’s also taking off my pants, peeking at Yabbos.

The usual morning. However, I haven’t looked in the mirror yet, which is a blessing.

Yesterday, I got caught up in a motivational speech. It said something to the tune of 90% of success in life… or was it 80%? Anyway, 90% is just showing up. And the other 10% to 20% is, what for. Now say it with me, Inspector Echo. AHEM, Humiliations Galore!

Inspector, I wondered as I waited for Virgil to do his business this morning. He’s been going in the house, so why bother sitting here for twenty minutes? Am I trying to teach him at all? He looks at me as though he expects something. Hopefully, it’s not what I did to Braxton on Sunday, January 31, 2021. Uh, Euthanasia?

You’ll have to forgive me, Inspector. Between reading another fur buddy book, “The Survival Guide to Pet Loss.” And now having another E for “E-Day.” Euthanasia, in addition to Emergence, Existence, and Extinction. I don’t want to be FORTY, Inspector.

And I won’t be for a while yet… if ever. But it’s approaching. And that is what brings me to you today. As I’ve been saying for a few days. I’m not complaining. But I’m not as horrible as Tucker Carlson when just asking questions. Echo, I’m observing and explaining.

Every morning, I wake up saying I’m a sinner. But that’s not because of a religious doctrine, my friend. I say it because I know the “man” that I am. It ain’t a good one.

Braxton and Virgil, though… my boys. Why should they share my fear, failure, and fire?

Braxton was humiliated when my Old Man kicked him four feet high into a door. And then, when he ran to me. His tail was between his legs. And yet he turned and barked defiantly as I held a knife between us and my approaching Old Man. My son B III was/is a brave boy and the best “man” I’ve known. Even to the end, when he was dying, he was humiliated he couldn’t stay.

Virgil might not want to. His humiliation lies in the fact he can’t figure me out. I don’t know how to love him. That’s the both of us. But when I wake up, Inspector, I know. Virgil, We’ll B Humiliated

1221 Days Without B III, Day 662 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will