Tag: Kiss

Meditation 091 ~Life Is Not Fair Period~

WillLeave a comment

It’s not fair having to wake up and feel this way since the age of 7. I did have 15 years of waking up thinking how’s B. Is he healthy, hungry, and/or happy? The only thing unfair to him was living. To me, it’s being forty. “Life Is Not Fair Period.”

Monday, September 30, 2024

Meditation 091 ~Life Is Not Fair Period~

Three-Hundredth And Sixty-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Though I would like to believe that with Braxton here, enough money or the right power… Sigh.

But my son is gone. I have survived this month to see 40. And power… To get out of bed.

But today is Friday, September 27, 2024. And if I have any more days like I’ve had this week… I didn’t even think about joining Braxton on “Emergence Day.” But the 24th and the 26th? As the song goes, “Woke Up This Morning.” I swear, Madam, I came back and…

Slept. And it’s not because I like being 40. And it’s not like 2V is my best friend. V’s scared.
He feels he’s always getting in the way. And it doesn’t matter that I’ve never harmed him, let him go hungry, or even hinted at sending him back or that he’ll join B one day.

It’s not fair to Virgil or me to live in FEAR every single second. Don’t get me started on others. Other people have it worse. But this is the last day, ha-ha, when it should be all about me, Madam. If you only knew how much I abhor September. The end of January? B’s ending. It’s like I’m trapped in a never-ending cycle of despair.

But about those others… Hey Jealousy! You’ve heard me mention @fitdadceo and @csapunch. They’re in their forties. Look at everything they have, Dear Madam. Everything.

“All I’ve Ever Wanted.” And I don’t blame anyone but myself. But whose fault is it that I was done with existence by age 7? Didn’t @fredoontv say something like that, Madam. And look at him. Even better, Johnny Sins… well, his girls. A Wraithbabes gigolo? I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed myself.

I don’t blame my skin, sex, or sins, Madam. Life is not fair because of me and no one else.

I find no fault in the loss of my son. My heart, my hero, that other dreaded H-word, dear Madam. I love Braxton. But again, this isn’t about him. You know that song, “Wake Me Up.” And those few lines:

“Life’s a game made for everyone. And love is the prize.”
Wake Me Up, Avicii

Love is not a prize. Love is a gift I’ve never given myself. Instructions I have never got to read. As I was telling Lady Sophia this morning. I’m too busy reading about old men now and girls sans clothing. That’s why I’m losing, Madam. And what’s going to change?

Sitting here at the table, writing as the music wafts? Life Is Not Fair Period.

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1338 Days Without B III, Day 779 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 084 ~Knowledge Is More Powerful Unshared~

WillLeave a comment

Monday, September 23, 2024

Meditation 084 ~Knowledge Is More Powerful Unshared~

Three-Hundredth And Sixty-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Especially since I talk too much. (Pause for laughter). Talking to who? Braxton’s Aunt, Cherry, M Anime…

What about B? Can’t I give him the month off with Emergence Day? Why not let him rest in peace? I look at B’s Euthanasia the same way Negan brained Baxter in The Walking Dead Episode 10×22 Here’s Negan. You best hope I never stop talking because when I do… When I do, something very terrible is gonna happen to you. Uh, B III’s gone.

This may sound like a confession to Inspector Echo. But do you remember when I was afraid to say Braxton’s name? Somebody hacked me once, and a friend caught on because they didn’t know my son’s name. So, I kept Braxton’s name secret. B III was my little Dæmon. And didn’t I say I wouldn’t do this, my dear Madam?

Excuse me, today is Friday, September 20, 2024. And what do I know more about than my B? I should invoke his name more often because it keeps me from thinking about my big black… uh, having blue balls. It’s been a HARD day, Madam. And telling people that. Ha!

M Anime would ignore me. Cherry would go silent. And Braxton’s Aunt… Not the time.

I don’t know anything about women, but as Sir Mix-A-Lot put it: “When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist. And a round thing in your face. You get sprung.” Uh, not only…

Cherry, Piper Niven, Estella Bathory, Harmony Reigns, Mariah Mallard. BBW’s…

Actresses, “The hottest girls in the nastiest situations…” I research. Study. And I read lots.

And that’s knowledge I should keep for me. But I’m a writer. I strive to be an open book. If I ever published one. But as I told Lady Sophia today. My book, “Sofía’s Nightmare…”

I don’t have qualms about showing off my body. But my big head and the face to go with it. “No face as hideous as my face.” Should I mention I know plenty about Disney? And none of my kids walk on two legs. What can I say? I’m also a Star Wars fan. Madam, I know bad people in certain countries, but I know about Trump and Vance here.

There are my political affiliations. The pervy things I do and all my spent pennies.

Knowledge Is More Powerful Unshared

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1331 Days Without B III, Day 772 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 077 ~Silence Is Scarier Than Screams~

WillLeave a comment

Silence can be monstrous. I made it so. “Yes, I can be very cruel. I have been taught by masters.” As in people’s words. The silence left by my son. The act of blowing out candles. Candles? And after being pervy. Silence Is Scarier Than Screams.

Monday, September 16, 2024

Meditation 077 ~Silence Is Scarier Than Screams~

Three-Hundredth And Sixty-First Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Like me, not talking about my son this month with Emergence Day. It has come and gone.

I’m forty. And still, nothing is worse than the silence that came with my son’s last breath in this world. But the silence shattered when I first cried out in this universe. A victory? I suppose I could talk about Virgil, but there are two things. One, Virgil is usually silent anyway. Other than when I leave or the noises he makes showing I’m not being a good “Dad.” Virgil’s nails click on the floor. His belly when I need to get food. His sicknesses.

Two, as I’ve been singing repeatedly this month, “Today is all about you.” This song.

Madam, next to “All About You.” Today, I’m listening to Faith’s Outpost Ambiance… (Cult Music). “It’s a Five O’clock World.”

I don’t want to talk about my Day Job either, Madam. There is silence since they banned earphones/air pods. What I think about when I’m in that place. My STUPIDITY

There’s the silence when I wake up every morning and find out I’m not in Heaven or Hell. Can I call where I’m sitting right now purgatory? Three years without… well, you know who. No! He deserves better. Braxton, Braxton, BRAXTON! My sweet buttery Madam.

There’s the silence that comes with each Emergence Day. But that is my doing. People…

I could get all political today with everyone screaming, what dog, what cat, war, and women? And yet, the worries of my existence trump all that. See what I did there? Some should be silent.

But much like I said, I can’t get through a conversation without mentioning my B. How about me coming back to the house without a burger and fries? Didn’t I say I was broke? Um, I have two days to choose. I got breakfast and dinner. Bacon? Speaking of meat… women. Am I as bad as those other guys? I say things about women, but at least I leave those to the confines of “adult relations media.” That’s a polite way of saying adult films…

I swear the silence that comes after all my muscle contractions and moaning over mammaries. A moment of bliss that calls to me within the silence. Whatever could fill it?

Yet I choose the silence. Because hearing some Beautiful Freak… Silence Is Scarier Than Screams

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1324 Days Without B III, Day 765 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 070 ~Kisses Show A Working Tongue~

WillLeave a comment

It’s in his kiss. No! But B would love up his aunt. And V… I’ve cleaned up what has come out of his mouth many times. And as for me. I don’t remember what I said to that first girl. I can’t even order chicken at forty. “Kisses Show A Working Tongue.”

Monday, September 9, 2024

Meditation 070 ~Kisses Show A Working Tongue~

Three-Hundredth And Sixtieth Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Like me breathing after Emergence Day. Hell! I shouldn’t be after Braxton. Or Emergence Day Numero Cero.

I would rather kiss my furry son’s head one more time than draw my first breath. One necessitated the other, Madam. But at least I would have something to do with my mouth other than bawl about my boy, blame myself for everything, or BE STUPID. Madam, next to being Braxton’s end and my birth, I can’t stand being STUPID. It never ends, I’m afraid.

Even at forty? Well, I’m not quite there yet. I’m speaking to you on Tuesday, September 3, 2024. So, Emergence Day has yet to happen. Like I said, by the time you read this, I might not be breathing. I’d blame my Olds. But this is my existence. My existence…

Madam, I never asked for this life. I’d trade it all for a simple kiss.

Is that an Emergence Day wish? Last Monday night, I made a wish to avoid humiliation. I texted that because speaking… Anything that isn’t about my Braxton’s life… passing.

Anything that’s about something other than broads. Or anything that doesn’t involve me sounding STUPID. It’s not my strong suit. To open my mouth has never been a good thing, Madam.

How hard is it to say, “Yes, I would like the eight-piece fried chicken and a three-piece chicken fingers snack, please?” My mouth has much better uses, Madam. But saying Happy B-Word Day/Emergence Day… is not among them, Madam. Nope!

But again, a kiss… Do you want to know a secret, Madam? My first kiss? I got that. But I didn’t get a kiss during my “first time.” Well, uh…

I’m not The 40-Year-Old-Virgin, thankfully. I swear, sometimes I wonder who knows more about me. My lost boy or the Internet. The movie popped up, so I could watch that for Emergence Day and be thankful for the second-greatest miracle during my existence. A woman…

Madam, I was/am a father, and a girl made the mistake of thinking I was a man of worth for a night. And a few other girls here or there over forty years. But almost none when I had to look after Braxton. When was the last time I had a kiss, a kind hug that got kinda dirty… Back when I was a Smooth Operator. I feel stupid-er at forty. I’ll shut up because Kisses Show A Working Tongue.

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1317 Days Without B III, Day 758 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 187 ~Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye B~

WillLeave a comment

It was only a kiss, yet I’d argue with B every morning. I know where his mouth has been. He didn’t seem to mind when I would kiss the top of his head. But he must have thought humans are weird. Well, kissing shuts humans up. “Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye B”

Tuesday, January 4, 2022

Chronicle 187 ~Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, well, more like we are. Only mouths are better for other things. A kiss, Baby Girl.

You know I am some kinda way about my Olds, but if I remember anything good. Well, it was the fact that they always kissed each other goodbye before departing. An idea I’m hoping to continue with you despite what’s going on with me. Right now, it’s B, My Love. A New Year’s Kiss. Excuse me for being crass, well no, because I know you instead like me this way. Anyway, if I’m going to be kissing something HAIRY. It would be the top of B’s head. That’s another first; I couldn’t do that this year and never again. Tomorrow? Baby Doll, I keep thinking that. Denial is not just a river in Egypt. 338 Days of him not sitting on my head, My Love.

Sure, you sitting on my face is great and all. As I said, it’s been a while, and you know your man. If I wanted to get in trouble with you, why don’t you ask if I remember our first kiss? Don’t ever want to experience our last kiss. Now Braxton’s… Sunday, January 31, 2021. My firstborn got me more than prepared for our children crawling all over us. Death by kisses “What A Heavenly Way To Die” My Love. A thousand sweet kisses, “I’ll Cover You,” and our family. Yeah, I know Spotify again, remembering days, fucking Day Job. As I said, there are such things we can do with our mouths. Singing, hell, I should try again before saying something STUPID. But B…

Looks like crying every day over B isn’t changing in this new year. When I had to talk to the vet. And I gave her permission. Talking to a woman, and that’s what I do. Asshole! Braxton saw me as such, or was I still only his Daddy who wouldn’t take him home. The man that was going to let the vet and her assistant do these things. Explain Daddy, right? All I could do was hold him and kiss the top of his furry little head. I love you, I’m sorry, goodbye? If a kiss is good for anything, it shuts me up. It stops us from thinking love. Ha thinking before like Gospel 187 ~Panic Does Not Serve You~. Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye B

Gospel 187 ~Panic Does Not Serve You~

338 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Episode 191 ~Just One More Will~

WillLeave a comment

I heard in a softcore um movie once that it’s a disease this thing called love, and if the world didn’t need it so badly I’d go ahead and declare us all zombies, but that’s for one more day maybe? Just One More Will

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Episode 191 ~Just One More Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, when there are only twenty-four hours in a day but as Justin Timberlake/Will Salas said in the movie In Time “A day. You can do a lot in a day.” While I’m grateful for this one, I truly am, I’m also greedy, my first born can attest to that for love is a many splendid thing, love is patient, all you need is love but as I’ve started reading “The Art of the Pimp: One Man’s Search for Love, Sex, and Money.” Not that I’m asking for one more fight but This Love, is everlasting baby-girl.

Suddenly, I love you like one of my novels where I’m saying, one more page, then another minute, maybe let me bookmark one more passage, I’m waking up early to read for one more hour, and now we have a library. I look at B III, and I pray for one more breath of air sometimes… he’s getting older, one more day, he’ll be celebrating his fourteenth birthday in a month, another year, hell I want him protecting one more two-legged sibling, what do you think. Can I have one more girl in my life and then I meet you, then I have Aunt Jemima because I must have my pancakes right and how about Betty Crocker, then I have you in the novels I’m writing, I gain a daughter.

I remember the Genie from Aladdin saying he couldn’t make anyone fall in love, he couldn’t kill, or raise the dead and you can’t ask for more wishes because with those first three you might as well say infinity. I’ll never be religious, too many gods as is but I asked for someone to love (with only two legs), and here we are, forever hoping, wishing, and dreaming of one more word to equal these three, I Love You. Only we don’t need that one more word, a reason there was the invention of the kiss, for but a moment in time, humanity has enough.

Not enough moments like that though so we ask for that one more chance, be it a kiss on the forehead love, our lips meeting, our kids bringing us a smile, I’ll give as many as I can but don’t you want one more. There was a time when I dreamed I was too much and more so believing, I’m not enough but baby I’m yours, and you’re mine, and you ask me, only me incredibly “Just One More Will.”

I Will Have No Fear

Oh Is Love Blind

WillLeave a comment

Have you ever noticed that porn has the best lighting, well okay movies in general, I wonder where I got the idea that love has to be done in the dark; closed eyes for a kiss, lights off, nighttime, even blindfolds. Oh Is Love Blind; what do you see?

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQH7SGkOIPY

So you’re the kiss I’ll never see
I mean I think so
Why do I have to miss the show?
Maybe there will be others

just we turn off the lights and I have to believe
Now tell me, but then again… whoa
Who knew angels could fly so low
The wonders

When we pretend goodnight isn’t goodbye, there’s a possibility
But from your head down to your toes
and even the love below
Not even the lovers

dream of how I would love thee
“Love me like you do, although…”
there is always a catch but I won’t give you a blindfold
Be not so fearful, even when I tie you up in the covers

Just why is love so scary
Because that’s how you know
“Oh”
Is love blind or do you see another?

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: “Spencer” by Eclesi4stik, Johnny Jewel Ft. Saoirse Ronan “Tell Me”, Lykke Li “Possibility”, Outkast, “How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)” by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, A.C. Newman “Be Not So Fearful”, Nico & Vinz “That’s How You Know” feat. Kid Ink & Bebe Rexha, and “That’s How You Know” Enchanted (2007)

Eye Admire

WillLeave a comment

Why people kiss… keeps them from saying something stupid, gets them moving because you admire something and not move any closer; not counting a bulge in my pants. “Eye Admire” is keeping me from the conclusion of never wanting to see her again *sigh*

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tlx0f3hNS_g

And I should try not to kiss you…
Or dream a little dream of me and you; just a few
songs like love me like you do
blasting on my car stereo
Maybe when we’re all alone
you’re be in my arms tomorrow; sun outside my window
Guess I’m not the best with secret keeping,
while I am barely breathing
and how my heart is beating
Open your eyes… it’s required
Look at her; my heart’s not a liar
How else can I be your secret admirer?

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: Kaori Maejima… Shusaku, The Mamas And The Papas “Dream A Little Dream Of Me”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, and Duncan Sheik “Barely Breathing”

The Peeks of Love

WillLeave a comment

Do you trust me… I’m honestly still waiting to see it for myself but it starts with a kiss and why are we not privy to that; because it would just look weird. “The Peeks of Love”, maybe I’ve seen everything but the real thing, I don’t know.

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vrXH47EGds

Does God never shut his eyes… true?
And the Devil knows me too
But with a good night kiss or two
With three little words or a few
You show me something I never knew
“Now let me love you”
“Love me like you do”

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: Princess Ashelia B’nargin Dalmasca… Final Fantasy XII, Glee Cast Version “Let Me Love You (Until You Learn To Love Yourself)”, and Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack

Heartbeats Frequency

WillLeave a comment

Does it matter how loud it is, does it matter if has a tendency to skip anytime I see her in the morning or I touch her, I wonder would it matter if she were mine… oh my love-struck heart? “Heartbeats Frequency” somehow not enough

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBfpBTB6P1o

Frequency…
Don’t care how loud my heart has become;

if your moans, screams, and sighs burst my eardrums
Perhaps the reason silence exist

is just so I can feel your kiss
or to stop me from asking why…

everyone says hi; just as long as you never say goodbye
But “I love you” could you handle it?

Would you love me like you do, with
Frequency

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: Victoria… Real Doll, Pink “Try”, Young Beautiful in a Hurry ft. Fyfe Monroe “Everyone Says Hi”, (David Bowie Cover), and Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack