Tag: Love

Chronicle 157 ~Time To B Wasted~

WillLeave a comment

I don’t drink… much. If anything, I refer you to “Drunk On You.” A big thanks to Braxton’s Aunt (not my actual sister.) I owe her TWO big thumbs up for keeping me UP a little longer. I went to bed at a reasonable hour though still… “Time To B Wasted”

Sunday, December 5, 2021

Chronicle 157 ~Time To B Wasted~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I would say if you listened to your motivations… Hate to tell you, but that’s illegal.

The start of a new week, and you haven’t stopped ranting, raving about “air pods.” Brother, I don’t blame you. No wonder you took a chance to cover your shift. Should have done it yesterday, but that was my own cowardice, my apologies to you. Anyway, if you could listen to your air pods at the Day Job, it would only be to people’s reactions. There’s nothing wrong with that, I know. It’s only the facts these past few days. If not that, then how about crying for your son again. Here you are all dressed up with nowhere to go. You even shaved, and for what? Hell, you counted out $310.00 in your wallet. No doggies at PetSmart. But movement on Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading A Sincere Warning About the Entity in Your Home
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 011 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 017 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On A Tattoo Of B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Nope, I was, and indeed you are wasting time. Can you imagine if you added a puppy to the mix? Speaking of mixing, don’t you have shrimp waiting for you in the sink. You have a mouth to feed since even breathing seems to be a time suck. Rather starve? Dammit! If it means going to the Day Job, which seems more and more inevitable. The time is winding down. Again, this is all my fault. Fear, friend, stands as one fucking waste of time. Pardon your language. Meaning to say something else but corrections? Shouldn’t I say erections? Didn’t you start writing at 1:00 PM and now 2:20? Can’t I be proud of you for at least finishing your reading? Not, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading Succubus Christmas Special (LitRpg)
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 017 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On A Tattoo Of B III
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

As you never ever have time for them. Or at least that’s what you’ll keep telling yourself. When it comes to getting out of work, you’ll have all the time in the world. Whether it be the Day Job, writing; this conversation we should have. You will always find something. Being a father, though. To be Braxton’s daddy again. I’ll never forget those last days. Every breath he took, there was not a single second taken for granted. Do you recall love doesn’t tell time? Um, when you’re dying? That’s why you’re a stickler timewise. Chronomentrophobia. You fear you have way too much time for THEM. What you have for yourself… wasted. And B III died because he wasn’t given enough. Time To B Wasted

308 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 156 ~B Feet Gives Paws~

WillLeave a comment

Like father like son, Me and B III like and get annoyed with the same things. We both like boobs and hate feet. Then it came to his paws, and I did everything in my power to protect his and stay on my feet with my horrific Day Job. B Feet Gives Paws.

Saturday, December 4, 2021

Chronicle 156 ~B Feet Gives Paws~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so when I say stuff like that title. No matter what, I’m still pretty damn funny.

Didn’t I say sometime this week I hate being funny? I also hate where my feet lead me somedays. Pretty much my Day Job, PetSmart, and preparing to live my life as such. In other words, errands. So, of course, that’s what I was doing today. Um, after PetSmart Lu. We’ll get to that. But first, a confession. Hell, not even that. A simple fact. I HATE FEET. It’s just the way I am, Lunalesca. Call it a personal preference like having a thing for brunettes, before them Asian women. Or being a breast man. All women have breasts, Lu. Okay, to some degree, at least. Women have feet too. Yet I adore one and hate the other, I swear. Reasons women don’t like me…

So what does this have to do with my son as everything does? Going on 307 days. How about his 15 years of life? Well, this morning, I’m going into PetSmart, and I see this familiar van that carries some of the dogs, I believe. I walk in, but they aren’t at their usual spot. Needless to say, I was pissed, which is my standard mood. But since I look at the kitties too, I keep going. And I hear the dogs barking in the distance. They moved their cages. Anyway, I started my window shopping and then it hit me looking at the smallest. Cinderella, I swear that’s where I heard this Lady Lu but “Your Feet’s Too Big.” Or paws in this instance.

Yes, I can be a fucking snob, shallow, or some sort of messed-up guy. But I looked at those furries, and the moment I saw their paws, it was an instant “NO” from me. One of the ladies said they would have different dogs tomorrow. Recovering Lunalesca, but trying. I do mean from the Day Job. I didn’t have it in me to try and change my shifts today. That’s gross, my weakness, but what isn’t gross are Braxton’s paws. My B’s toesy wosies. He hated me touching them or rushing him to the vet when they said he stepped on a pine cone wrong. I love Chihuahuas, nice Yabbos and B’s nails clicking on hardwood floors. But Feet, no thanks? B Feet Gives Paws.

307 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 154 ~From B’s To Effs~

WillLeave a comment

No one is above the law… Well, white guys with lots of money. Or an asshole who likes to wear earphones. A chick, having full-blown conversations on the phone while on the clock. But anything that brings me peace? Air pods? From B’s To Effs

Thursday, December 2, 2021

Chronicle 154 ~From B’s To Effs~

305 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day was effed up with a capital F. The worst day of my life?

Of course not, B. Always and Forever, I love you like pancakes, but your last day, Sunday, January 31, 2021, is my worst. I still use that day as the bar. If I survived that day, then today was nothing. It’s how I know I’m not suicidal. Well, I’m always a little, but I’m still breathing. That leads me to Emergence Day, which is a step down from your death. Me being given life. In the words of Captain Deladier (Starship Troopers). “Someone made a BIG goddamn mistake!” My Olds. But isn’t today supposed to be about you and me, Braxton? If it were more about you back then… Anyway, like yesterday I have ten more for the Humiliations Galore.

  1. Paranoia, um, the boss got called into the office. Oh no, it’s the cops, but it wasn’t B III
  2. Paranoia, I thought I got bit by a spider. It would serve me right.
  3. Remember all those rules the Manager went over yesterday. Yeah, only apply to me.
  4. Then she went over the same rules as other people broke them. That bitch
  5. I had to hear about my ineptitude twice today fucking crappy praise from supervisors
  6. I couldn’t point out garbage bags. But after all, your daddy is a waste
  7. I couldn’t help a customer find a Hallmark ornament
  8. Here’s a big one, lying about being pissed about #3 through #5
  9. Used the restroom at the Day Job, so I’m pretty grody. No shower after, room’s gross
  10. I got a KAREN at work today over some shoes. What’s My Age Again?

So what would be your advice Little B? First off, stop doing things that will get me arrested and fired so I’d end up leaving you. I’m not a white man with money. Again rules apply to me and no one else. Take a damn shower so I can cuddle you. I did get McDonald’s today, so you would have never forgiven me for showering first. Tell the damn truth. You would use silence to lie B, like father like son. It’s sad though, I say your name to avoid cursing my entire life. But honestly, B III, eff my life. From B’s To Effs

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 152 ~What B Doesn’t Know~

WillLeave a comment

STUPIDITY is a disease like any other, but that’s not what took B III. Hell, compared to me, he was a genius, and yet he stayed, and a girl here or there decided hmm he’ll do. What B Doesn’t Know is he always was my priority

Tuesday, November 30, 2021

Chronicle 152 ~What B Doesn’t Know~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but Braxton didn’t know he was priceless. That anything and everything would come back to him.

Well, B III didn’t know when he liked a girl and invited her to the bedroom… Now, how many was that again? That he would be losing his side of the bed for the most part, ha. Braxton didn’t know that someone could cook well kitchen wise and he wouldn’t have to hide, fearing the worst. Braxton watched his grandma, but that was many years ago. It’s impossible that his best friend; didn’t rule the galaxy. When I was at the old Day Job trying to shut out the Humiliations Galore surrounding me, I’d think of us, Vader and Luke. If anything, Braxton and I were more C-3PO and R2-D2. You can guess which is which. Only come Star Wars Day and Sunday, he knew to shut-up Daddy’s watching TV.

Braxton didn’t know that he’d like another pair of Yabbos as much as his aunt’s. B III and I were very much the same in that aspect as I’m sure you know more than anyone. Braxton didn’t know whose side to take when it came to “Stuff and Thangs.” And why I would shut him out of our room when he wasn’t so bad. When did showers take so long? Braxton didn’t know why he had to work that much harder to cuddle me. Or why he now had two people full-time with protection detail. I gave Braxton “The Talk.” Somehow though, and you’ve heard me say this. I would sit on the loveseat, and he would put his toy next to me and sleep.

Braxton didn’t know he was too smart for his own good. He’s loved some questionable people in his day… his grandfather. Hell, what about me. My Little B loves me. Leaving on a jet plane? I’m more a fan of “Said you sailed a big ship. Said you sailed away.” The fact that my son gained his wings, however, people want to say it. It was him, Love, B III. B must know that you love me. And as I can’t figure out why he had to leave like that. I can’t figure out why he loves me or why you do. Why I can’t believe it. Not too bright. Such is my curse to be surrounded by love and intelligence. What B Doesn’t Know

303 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 151 ~Obsessed Men Are Dangerous Men~

WillLeave a comment

Docs have diagnosed me with plenty over 37 years. Social Anxiety, Bipolar Depression, Astigmatism (eyes in my head). Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder sigh. The Day Job takes advantage and how I keep a specific collection. Obsessed Men Are Dangerous Men

Monday, November 29, 2021

Chronicle 151 ~Obsessed Men Are Dangerous Men~

Two-Hundred And Sixteenth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, but as the song goes, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” But today, “It Is Finished.”

Can I be any more profane, offensive, or STUPID? That’s how I feel about today, J. Can’t I be positive for one whole minute? If I weren’t suffering from a massive case of blue balls at the moment but we’ll get to that. First things first, I’m not lying to NaNoWriMo. That’s right, Madam, for the fifth time, according to the good people at NaNoWriMo, I have completed my 50,000 words. This is the part of the story where I would pick Braxton up and dance. Of course, we’ll get to that too. Right now, my legs are twisted pretzel-like. So I finished “Behave In A Cherry Patch,” so as NaNoWriMo says, Now What? I want all the fucking badges. I can’t stand it, Madam.

Apologies for the language, but I was obsessed with writing my novel and every badge Madam. Come December 1st, I’ll never think about it again until Camp NaNoWriMo. I’ve finished three this year, two camps, and November without my boy. Um, today there was Cherry. Hell, even before her, there was Ariella Ferrera, Yuffie Kisaragi, to say the least. How many times have I wished I could be a regular guy that watches porn? No, I’m one for intimacy, meaning I need everything. Do I need to go over the list again of frightened women? Money though? Every CEO, billionaire, Mafia Don. Whatever money man gets the women in the novels I read. Or a beard and/or a motorcycle. I’m in on some particular Yabbos.

But at least for now, my grief is richer. My promise, my vow to B III. 11 Days right now. It’s been 302 Days without Braxton, though. I believe before, and then when he died, I went 161 Days. B give me strength that I don’t give in to temptation and since I’m done, Madam. Braxton is my obsession. But when he was alive, though, I became indifferent. Obsession leads to trouble, Madam. And it seems, for the most part, my obsession is my own pain. As another song goes, I’m just a sucker for pain. Yeah, fuck you, Hemingway, for dinging the word “just” and the name Grammarly. Oh, there’s the $139.00 you took, Grammarly dammit. Stories, Boobies, Doggies. Obsessed Men Are Dangerous Men.

302 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 150 ~B There One Day~

WillLeave a comment

If I could have one day, any day at all, well, it would be one with B in the world. I dreamed of a beach day with a wife and two kids, Braxton on a blanket. Another with Braxton and my two kids and then running to me, old man he is. “B There One Day”

Sunday, November 28, 2021

Chronicle 150 ~B There One Day~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and as dismissive as I want to be towards you, I’ll say this… you can make it.

But as for now, you’re ashamed. So you are one day away from the end. “Behave In The Cherry Patch.” So the shame; you think of how you should have been toward B III, hmm? You’ve blown off getting your eyes checked and the car fixed, and because of what? It’s the story. One story that won’t ever be published or read, and come Monday, nothing. Like everything else in your life, you go through the motions of accomplishment. But never the acceptance that it all means nothing. The only exception, of course, is B III. Did you refill his water bowl this evening? Yeah, while you were dicking off. You’ll be late to watching Fear The Walking Dead. Even later with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading Only Gone From Your Sight, Kate McGahan, Jack McAfghan
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 011 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On A Tattoo Of B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I swear, will there come a day where this list will be checked off. Every single thing but, of course, this is my failure and my disgrace. You will have yours soon, no question there. Now I’m starting to understand why you’ve got “A Sincere Warning About the Entity in Your Home.” That’s how you feel, knowing I’m trying to warn you about the past. Dammit, the future looks like right now, which means you won’t heed it. If I can offer you any comfort at all. You won’t be writing until 7:10 PM in the evening or later with wasted ick. You are the monster, and one day… well, you don’t even know what to hope for. Is it peace or Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading A Sincere Warning About the Entity in Your Home
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 011 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On A Tattoo Of B III
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

The Day Job week hasn’t even begun yet, and you’re hating that song “Someday At Christmas.” No offense to Stevie Wonder, but why then? Why not right now with things. You drift back and forth between someday and one day, and most you wish you didn’t have to wake up at all. Who knows how you’ll pass this night but to finish the book, hmm? That right there is why you write. For that moment of doing something… I don’t know great, generous, gross, but you’ve read plenty of books like that. Remember Succubus, yep. One day I won’t feel like a failure, and you won’t be seeing it down the road. Someday B III will see what you were trying. B There One Day

301 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 149 ~B Brave, 300, 3000~

WillLeave a comment

B and I were far from 300, but nevertheless, the two of us were an “Army” thank you, Ellie Goulding. What she’s a great singer with what I’m assuming are nice… ok, shutting up about that. It’s been 300 Days without him in my sight. B Brave, 300, 3000

Saturday, November 27, 2021

Chronicle 149 ~B Brave, 300, 3000~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I would have been sooner if I got off my ass. More like my balls.

30-year-old, well 37 talking about his dick (pardon my language…) classy. Between recovering from yesterday’s “Humiliations Galore.” And today being PetSmart day or not, no doggies, sigh. And I didn’t have the nerve to call B-Dubs, so Taco Bell, Lunalesca. Again I’m fucking 37 (sorry), and I can’t call restaurants, repairmen, or rescues. Then again, I’m still crying over Braxton, and we’ll get to that in a minute. How about thirty of them, and I give myself far too much credit when it comes to sex. Seen any other women? Not even in my novel. Speaking of which, I’m reading something before the Christmas Erotic Fest. You know me, Lady Lu, TRADITION. “A Sincere Warning About the Entity in Your Home.” Is that what I’m calling B III? Not yet.

300 bucks would be a much better way to honor him. Of course, Grammarly fucked me over for about half of that. $139.00. Fucking assholes! So it led me to do some quick math at PetSmart. The times of plenty are over. When I wasn’t paying for B III’s survival. Now I find more dubious ways to waste money. Let me say AHEM, this bitch got me “Smokin Out The Window.” Only that’s not fair at all, Lunalesca. Fucking Yabbos! Anyway, today will mark 300 Days without my son. I’m trying, ok. I gave “Only Gone From Your Sight” 3 stars. Everything within me wants to say that Braxton is always here. Nothing has moved as far as moving on.

3000 days could go by, and that ain’t happening. I love B 3000, and I ain’t Iron Man either. Regardless of what’s in my pants and I swear I’m shutting up about that. I’ll have to start Succubus Christmas Special soon. I also have Dystopian Girls 3. Sensing a theme? I had 3 days to finish my novel, and I wasted this one away, Lady Lu. I’m 7,500 words away from 50,000. That’s 3 chapters, and you know how the Day Job week is going to be. At least I caught up with “my” 3 girls, Carolina Bound, Cherry, and M Anime. But only seen one pair of Yabbos. I’m not a brave man or a very smart one at that. B Brave, 300, 3000.

300 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 147 ~Forgetting A’s Yeah B~

WillLeave a comment

This was my son’s “Christmas.” Sure he would get a large fry for himself on birthdays. His aunt baked him a cake. He’d get half my fries when I stopped for fast food. Today though, he’d get to see Grandma and, of course, turkey. Forgetting A’s Yeah B

Thursday, November 25, 2021

Chronicle 147 ~Forgetting A’s Yeah B~

298 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? If “Only Gone From Your Sight” is to be believed, nothing I do tops wherever…

Only I ask that you allow me to try. Now we never did the holidays though you stuffed your face full of fries on many birthdays. There was also the time your Aunt Carolina “baked” you a cake. And let’s not talk about my Emergence, but there was steak, Braxton. Anyway, today is your Christmas or, instead, Happy Turkey Day. Can you tell that I’m trying to remember all the good times? The way you would dance around. And B, if you’re a good boy, pretty lucky one, grandma would pat your head. Thanksgiving dinner. Braxton, this isn’t me being a smartass, but you do remember last year? She brought a whole turkey… You were here to share it with.

Speaking of sharing, you know it’s my routine to share my sins on Wednesday. I did plenty, but I’m talking to you a bit earlier, not by much. You know about this time with NaNo season, I’m deep into my writing. There was the time ants invaded us one year. While I was working this afternoon, I found that I got 4,600 words down before 5:00 PM. So that’s good for me, right? You know what I’m doing half the time… But do you know why I got this done today? I didn’t stop to cry over you. Oh, I sobbed later, B as always. Braxton, it was like you weren’t on my mind at all. Language of the Heart, Only Gone From Your Sight.

It gets worse B III. Yesterday I spoke about things from my past. There are things I bought or did before you were ever here. I’ve been lugging one around with me all day. I feel as Ellie did some “Its light on the reading, but its got some interesting photos,” Um, yes and no. English Visual Novels B III. We would lie right where I’m sitting now, and I would read all sorts of stuff. Of course, things like cough Virgin Roster cough I saved for when you went to bed or got in trouble. Finally, there was what concerned me before you died. I shouldn’t cough, and I should say you’re still alive. Right now, though, I’m hungry, and I can’t share with you. Forgetting A’s Yeah B

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 145 ~Tail Of Two B’s~

WillLeave a comment

As B passed, he looked me in the face. I turned around when his heart was no longer beating. When there was no longer the huff and puff of breath. When he could not hoist himself from the table. But turning my back on more “family” “Tail Of Two B’s.”

Tuesday, November 23, 2021

Chronicle 145 ~Tail Of Two B’s~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but if my father taught me anything, it’s that money is no replacement for someone’s love.

Time is money… well, I haven’t been sitting here crying all day over my lost boy. Ok, yes, I paused a bit and “let it out” while I was reading. It seems this or that, one way or another, that something is pulling us apart. The more things change, the more they stay the same. I let everything and everyone get in the way when it came to Braxton and me. The idea was to keep us alive. I loved him more than anything in this world but to survive, to build a life. With all the love songs in existence, I cannot believe “All You Need Is Love.” Again all day, it’s been about working, writing. To this day, I hate the Day Job.

Of course, I’m talking about the old one. The thing is, what that hellhole and doing what I want have in common? I put everything I have into them and leave nothing for myself. I’ve had a nap today, but I’ve barely eaten anything. Yes, time is money. My masterpiece? I wouldn’t go that far when it comes to my novel. How many years have I made this error? I’m the guy that gets mad when the line is too long at McD’s, and I’m late picking up a pizza from Pizza Hut. I’ll sit in the B-Dubs parking lot for a half-hour for food. Dammit, all the time I could be giving to my family, and it goes out the window on this crap.

Braxton would be upset that I still haven’t learned this lesson. I’ve told you before he taught me so much, but to cherish time? I would say Braxton taught me plenty of patience. When it came to things like walking, giving him his medication, just sitting on my lap waiting. I made time for him and before the end, where was I? Buying fries every day to avoid walks. Getting annoyed when I had to carry him. Fuck me. Yeah, when’s the last time you and I did that baby girl? Anyway, I would carry B forever and a day if I had the chance. The children can’t wait, neither can you, and I shouldn’t as you Love Me Now. But, Tail Of Two B’s

296 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 144 ~Guilt Is A Controlling Mechanism~

WillLeave a comment

If I had known the moment I called B and he hopped in the car that this is how it would end? Hell, I do shit all the time knowing that it could come crashing down. Yet my guilt at all that I’ve done hasn’t stopped me… Guilt Is A Controlling Mechanism

Monday, November 22, 2021

Chronicle 144 ~Guilt Is A Controlling Mechanism~

Two-Hundred And Fifteenth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if I have learned anything from others. There’s no shame, guilt. No need for a conscience.

Mine died 295 Days ago. My soul, my serenity, my son. His Dark Materials put it best, my Dæmon. If I had any reason to stay in line, it was him and now? Well, why do you think I’m calling you so late. Every day I don’t leave this bed, um, every afternoon, I fail. I keep up with Braxton’s treats… what was it a day or so ago? I noticed I missed one. When I leave the house, I keep up the usual banter, and when I return. I’ve had tacos, two days. Hell, Madam, when I don’t bring fries back, I know that I’ve failed Braxton. Daily ritual. When I can’t keep it in my pants because I want to feel something “good.”

Fuck Aria Logan and Cherry, um yes, please if again you’re wondering where I’ve been. Satisfaction? Nope, guilt kept me from coming. It’s the guilt that keeps me from going. Back to bed, that is. Only again, I’m sitting right here knowing I won’t get a wink tonight. Not if I don’t tell you all these horrible things in my life. Losing Braxton, always first. There’s also my nighttime ritual of lying to NaNoWriMo about my progress in writing. What about the Day Job I hate? And yet feel like I failed them, and by God, I did once again. It’s the guilt. I am guilty. And if I told you all my secrets… “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man,” yep.

While I’m busy ripping off songs, “I’m only human after all. Don’t put your blame on me.” While I was reading this evening from “Only Gone From Your Sight.” Jack/Kate says, “stop identifying yourself as my victim.” When it comes to B III, I never have. What do I see? The killer in the mirror, staring back at me. B III is the worst thing I ever got away with. Take your pick with the things that could cost me everything. He’s the one life, the crime everybody goes “meh.” Braxton’s body wasn’t even cold. Father “Get a new dog.” Fucking asshole, and I feel guilty saying that. I say guilt controls and yet my crimes. Braxton is still dead. Guilt Is A Controlling Mechanism

I believe in consequences.

No, you believe in guilt.

Maybe. But guilt before we act is called morality.
“Liberal Arts“

295 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will