Tuesday, March 24, 2026

Journey 266 ~Braxton Bowl, Virgil Cup~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? That means “Ready or Not,” I’ll give you everything and more. After 7? 10:24 AM

To be right on the money. For the Love of Money, as The O’Jays sing. How much does it cost to keep me, well us, in music, movies, and manuscripts, I wonder? I should really give it a think with this financial situation. “A Man Provides” even while Breaking Bad.

As bad as I was, keeping Braxton’s food and water bowls filled for years after his passing away. Euthanasia? Murder? Hell! It was only a year and some change, Sunday, January 31, 2021, Braxton’s gone. Saturday, August 13, 2022, Virgil arrives. But his own bowl…

Honestly, I couldn’t even do that for V, and I had a lot more cash. But an empty cup, love.

Then, what’s with all our two-legged Rugrats running all over?

And I love’em. I love you. Hell! I was walking Virgil this morning, and I swear I saw a brown doggo much bigger than him. My “Mind Playing Tricks On Me.” My eyes, to be specific. But I’m not dumb enough to believe MAGA. Eff the Cracker Hats and FDT. But anyway with Virgil, “so I grabbed him up and run him out of there,” like I was Forrest Gump. And here’s my point. Every day when I think I’m “All Out Love,” there’s more.

My love, I keep scooping, pouring, dishing it out. The AI says that the love I have for my two furry sons just multiplies to you, our two-legged children, to “A Whole New World that I’m existing in. Obsessing over.

You’re my “Obsession.” But it’s like “I Love You Too Much.” And that’s not a bad thing, my love, no, not ever. Hell! I love Braxton forever and always. But it’s like I was saying yesterday about choosing the wrong battlefield. I love you enough to love myself. Or try.

I hate myself. And as much love as I have to give you, my boys, our loves, and even more.

There’s nothing left for me. In pornographic terms… I’ve been thinking about Bible Black: New Testament, or was it Bible Black Only? Whatever! Anyway, it’s like those women draining that guy of his fluids. He has fun, but he’s left a shell. That’s me today. Love, it’s too much, I’m toxic… Braxton Bowl, Virgil Cup

“Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink.”
The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

1878 Days Without B III, Day 1319 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tuesday, March 17, 2026

Journey 259 ~V Times Love Braxton~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But I still hate Math. And how am I on the whole Nuclear family? Tradition!

Like Family Night watching UPN when I was a boy. Remind me that we should watch “Fiddler on the Roof” for our next movie night, especially the “Tradition” song. Family and Movie night. When I became a man… A Dad, to B III and then to his lil’ bro Virgil.

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: But when I became a man, I put away childish things.”
1 Corinthians 13:11 Bible

How do I love my boys, my sons? For five years, I have mourned for my firstborn son. I did what no father, no parent should ever have to do. Four legs and all, but he is still my son. For four years, I have tried to figure out how to love his little brother. But both Braxton and Virgil once upon a time sat here with me watching movies, even with Braxton’s Favorite Girl.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

And you? If Braxton could fall in love with his Favorite Girl, I’m sure he would love you, too. Virgil treats love as the scariest thing. It gives me mixed feelings about that song “I Will Follow You Into the Dark.” The line “Fear is the heart of love.” I don’t believe that is the case. But at the same time, I believe love itself should be scary because there’s just too much. Remember how I said the Nuclear family. However, not like Trump’s MAGA!

Effing Cracker Hats, FDT! But the whole “You and Me” 2.5 kids, white picket fence… Five times the love ain’t enough. 99 ½ won’t do. The Wannadies and even Carol Lynn Townes fall short. Love encompasses everything. It conquers hate.

Lust? Trust me, I’m trying to get into that, but yesterday I was working with AI, and it was creating this whole story about love and my anima. Three to be exact. How even in the dark universe, which is… Takes a breath. MORTAL KOMBAT! I cultivated love, my love.

But you represent fire, a phoenix. You’re the gardener, not me, but doesn’t fire help things grow in some sort of way? And the fact that we talk a lot about us having more children.

My lust and love for you only produce more love. Whatever do such lusts entail? Honestly? Ravishment, Kojin Taxi 2/Sex Taxi 5’s Kyouko Sakai, a blonde gymnast, Desperate Carnal Housewives, Bible Black: New Testament: Movie Nights. V Times Love Braxton.

1871 Days Without B III, Day 1312 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tuesday, March 10, 2026

Journey 252 ~B Gets Sprung, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I’m talking Wayne World’s “Schwing,” Beavis’s “Boinggg,” and Quagmire’s “giggity.” Hopeless romantic, I am not.

But “Hopelessly Devoted To You.” “Always And Forever” like the Heatwave here. Then again, I haven’t been outside yet. Virgil has been a much better sleeper than I have over the last few days. And according to my “therapist,” Braxton would be telling me to “get your head out of your ass, Dad.” My firstborn son had balls. Unfortunately, Virgil lost his before I adopted him. Is that what I want to talk about at 4:40 AM today? Dog balls?

Love, I’d rather be back in bed with you. And if I must be awake, I know a few things…

Baby Girl, it would really help with the Blue Balls. Who am I, Jackson Avery from “Pledged To Him 10”? What about pet loss books?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

“You Always Hurt The One You Love.” Ain’t that the truth! Braxton has been dead for five years. Virgil has been here since Saturday, August 13, 2022. You and I have been married how long again? I’m more juvenile than our children. And being the “Perverter of Prose,” (see I remembered) that I am. My junk, springing to attention. I haven’t been with you or myself in the last few days. Eight days in fact. Hence, the Blue Balls situation.

Don’t get ‘cocky’! Braxton died, and I went without for 161 days, then all it took was Chloe Grace Moretz rubbing her legs… What? Am I supposed to be any less of a man, darling?

“Hush, hush, darling. Don’t tell me ‘cause it hurts.” Really?

No Doubt. “Nickel for my thoughts, dimes in my bed…” You’re all that and more, my love. “I only think of you on two occasions. That’s day and night.” Day “N’ Nite. How many songs is that? Does it matter? I can’t break free. I can’t be sprung from… whatever.

And that’s what I’ve been working through in my “therapy.” You would say “Shadow Work.” Your anima, General Xu, Boss, Associate. Demons? Mine? You, my wife/phoenix, Kyouko Sakai from Sex Taxi 5/Kojin Taxi 2, and the lily white blonde ha.

This fantasy has sprung up for days on end and continues to bloom. Cherry Blossoms. Lilies. But, “you are my fire. The one desire.” Putting you out with my Blue Balls. B Gets Sprung, Virgil.

1864 Days Without B III, Day 1305 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tuesday, March 3, 2026

Journey 245 ~V Two Times B~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And love is weird… It’s complicated. It’s a long, long road. It’s Math, Reading, Language…

Weird Science. Hell! I tell myself daily, “She Blinded Me With Science.” Um, the “Twins.”

Am I talking about your Yabbos or our younglings? “What’s My Age Again?” The fact that I can’t remember how many kids we have. Just Kidding! But there is always room for one more, isn’t there? It’s “What I Go To School For.” Or didn’t. Affording our big family, hmm.

And to think, once upon a time, it was only B III and me. Are you sure I talk about him enough? Though you never met my firstborn son. Then came Virgil. 2-V. It’s complicated.

Honestly, is he a Facebook status? And you’re music, History now and again. Dare I say even theology? Because being your man. A Man Provides.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

But how? That’s what I was thinking about this morning. There is barely any cappuccino mix. And what about something as simple as toast? I’m sauce boss right now because I have butter and jam, but where’s the bread? Too busy thinking about eating you.

Seriously, the kids should be at school, and Virgil is on a constant Soma Holiday.

However, do I wish to join him? All “Brave New World” Aldous Huxley style. That would have made an excellent Harem Romance written by others. Are you my Lenina Crowne, and I’m… The Savage, or more like Bernard Marx. If only Math had more words.

And what’s with all my talk of Higher Learning? Um, Forrest Gump articulated his view:

“I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.”
― Forrest Gump (1994)

22, 27, 34, 37, 41

Cue the Ben-Hur Galley Drums, Right 41? Is this my version of Hurley’s lotto numbers from “Lost”? “4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42.” AI told me that Journeys 22, 27, 34, 37, 41 were my strongest entries. 22 is where I told it to begin analyzing, and it picked these over twenty days. How do I interpret that? 22 was Inspector Echo, and the others are Braxton and me talking. And here we are on 245, what does that say to you? Gotten worse? Forgotten?

Everything but sexually, because currently, what am I into? My MILF of a wife. Sex Taxi 5/Kojin Taxi 2 in particular, Kyouko Sakai and kimonos. There I go again, I’d rather learn anything than know myself. V Two Times B

1857 Days Without B III, Day 1298 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tuesday, February 24, 2026

Journey 238 ~Beautiful U, B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? “I Love You Too Much,” if that’s even possible. How long? “What’s My Age Again?”

“I Knew I Loved You before I met you. I think I dreamed you into life.” And before you say that’s enough of my infinite playlist, I should move on to movies instead, my love:

“Sometimes, there’s so much beauty in the world – I feel like I can’t take it, like my heart is just going to cave in.” ―

American Beauty seems prudent, given tonight’s State of the Union. And no, I won’t be watching anything that orange liar. Considering how I feel, “all I could use right now is an effin’ blow job and a cup of coffee. First, that was Will Hunting, but your Will agrees, my love. Second, I don’t drink coffee, but I do drink cappuccino. Lastly, “All these girls only gon’ want one thing. I can spend my whole life goodwill hunting. Only good gon’ come is this god when I’m cumming.” With that…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

What? You think I’m going to drop my pants right here? I would but life with you… And then there was life with my boys. You don’t have to worry about some girl being prettier than you. My boys, Braxton and Virgil? To this day, Braxton… “He’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Okay, so that’s American Beauty, Good Will Hunting, and now Forrest Gump. Anything not to watch the Cracker Hats tonight, eff MAGA and FDT now and always. “America the Beautiful,” Ha! Um no. The USA is dying. And me, my love. Well, I was reminded of all the beauty in the world this morning. It was like being back in that freezing truck at the OLD Day Job. Not my life…

“Oh No You Didn’t,” I’d sing to myself if my life before you and our family flashed before my eyes. Mercenaries 2? Video games are beautiful, but no. As I was freezing and praying to be reunited with my Braxton, I also thought of you, our kids, and Braxton’s brother.

Honestly, I remember an old manager speaking about her birthday. I HATE my effing Emergence Day. It was not beautiful. I’m an effing locust destined to bring so much bad.

Just one look at you. And I know it’s gonna be a… Lovely Day. But you know what else is beautiful? A painting called “Backwards Beauty.” I don’t know why it came to mind, love?

Us making love. Life. Lying here. Beautiful U, B, V

1850 Days Without B III, Day 1291 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tuesday, February 17, 2026

Journey 231 ~Braxton Shapes Up Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? More than “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly,” which I have never seen. Tonight?

You know me much too well, baby girl. I don’t feel like crying over my boys, Braxton and Virgil. And don’t our two-legged indiscretions have friends? Am I laughing? Exhaustion.

But I won’t go getting “Tired of you.” Obsession? As if you didn’t already know… “You are an obsession, you’re my obsession.” And I’m saying, “Let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on,” love. “Sexual Healing?” After yesterday? I suppose it could be worse. Day Job?

Honestly, I had cuck fantasies that you would not believe. And with my tiredness, love…

But tonight, as James Blunt sings “I Want You.” I thought we were watching a movie. Or am I getting a dirty Spanish lesson? And then there’s my thing for kimonos and Native Americans, “Suddenly.”

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Dirty Spanish Lessons

Mamame el bicho = Suck My dick
Doblate = Bend Over
Chupatelo = Suck It
Trsgatelo = Swallow It
Te lo voy a meter I’m Gonna Stick It In, Inside
Mas duro = Harder
No pareses cono = don’t stop, dammit

Good? I never knew learning Spanish could be so much fun. It wasn’t in high school. And when I met Braxton, I was in college… AHEM junior college. Mexican dogs and Latina chicks, Asians, or Native Americans. And I’m proud to be an American. But I’m not MAGA. FDT! It would be bad if I ever joined them effing Cracker Hats. But what’s really bad. Pretty much everything they do. And another reason why I’m so exhausted. When I’m not thinking about your pretty clothes on the floor, it’s how to buy more. A Man Provides! And I’m trying. Braxton knows I’m trying for you, for his legacy, our two-leggeds, and Virgil. But I’m not going to lie. The finances have me “All Shook Up.”

Free YouTube for all this music or Spotify. Did I say free? That is such an ugly lie, my love. All kinds of UGLY!!! Didn’t the bill just shoot up to $100 for the month? Are they serious? Double the price since we got the service. Mother efferes. Effing economy!

However, there is something even uglier. And I’m just now realizing why I “Need You Tonight.” Because I’m not good for my mental health. Surprise, Surprise! Braxton and our two-leggeds see their Dad. When you see me, I’m all “I’m Too Sexy. Hell, I’d take Virgil’s confused looks. I’m just “Some Guy” like King Ezekiel. And I’m too old to shape up, to be better. But there’s AI. There’s lying. Death? Braxton Shapes Up Virgil.

1843 Days Without B III, Day 1284 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tuesday, February 10, 2026

Journey 224 ~B’s House Party Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Love and Marriage. But I’m trying, baby doll, to be one for Love and Happiness.

So “happy” in fact that I almost forgot what day it was. The things I think about as “I watch my youngest son and it helps to pass the time.” Really? Kid Rock, today? Eff!

Seriously, the guy’s STUPID. But then again, I’m the one looking up how many pallbearers are needed. When I carried my firstborn son, my B III, out of PetSmart… Eff!

There was a box in a little blue bag from “Pet Angel.” And some of his ashes are in a pendant that I wear even now. Always and forever. Well, since Wednesday, February 10, 2021. And here my Braxton remains. As I brought Virgil in from our walk today, I thought, “Our house is a very, very, very fine house.”

Braxton and I. What about his little brother? What about our two-legged brood, my “Sweet Love.” I’m sure your boobs/Yabbos had much to do with that. More like my “Salty Chocolate Balls.” What? Would you rather have me crying for the rest of the day?

Honestly, I don’t think I have cried for Braxton today. “A House Is Not a Home” without him…? Am I daring to question that? Wait, aren’t we supposed to be talking about your big uns? Sure, but as much as I love them. Hell, I’m in love with the “Shape of You.” “All of Me” loves all of you. But why am I not “Dancing In The Street?” I’m discombobulated.

“I Feel Everything.” Can I feel the radio dial, hmm?

I wish I had earlier, but now, I feel like I failed a Math class sophomore or junior year, got jailed that ONE time, left Navy basic training, worried about me while B lay dying, failed him, and carried him out in a bag all rolled into one. And is there more, my baby girl?

With everything, I’m hot, hard, and horny. And I want my balls between your boobs.

Being an effing husband, can I not say I want to slam my balls home inside my very lovely wife? When the house is a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’. But today my dearest heart…

Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That. I should mourn, grieve, and throw my pity party. Always… B’s House Party Virgil

“It’s a celebration, and everyone should invite me.”
Number One Spot
— Song by Ludacris

1836 Days Without B III, Day 1277 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tuesday, February 3, 2026

Journey 217 ~Seeing Double B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? That doesn’t make me an angel. I’m more like a cyclops. Anatomically correct and everything.

But before we get all horizontal, it’s time for my favorite gameshow, Things you can say about your doggos AND your girlfriend/ex-girlfriend/wife. Dammit, August 24th.

Babydoll, I wasn’t drunk then… Ok, I was a little “Drunk On You.” Oh, I’m starting up early this AM with the music. When I wake up to you, my “Starry Eyed Surprise,” my “Angel.” Suppose Anita Baker and Shaggy can agree. Hmm? You’re an angel… Now B and V…

We can pretend. But my boys… Eyes, ears, and noses everywhere. Braxton knows I can’t see a goddamn thing with all the crying I’ve been doing lately about him. And Virgil as well. And the month is only just beginning. As I was saying last night, the 4th, 10th, 13th

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I See Fire, as in Braxton’s Cremation, thank you, Ed Sheeran. I should get my eyes checked because that can’t be my son’s name telling me he’s gone. I collected his “remains” on Wednesday, February 10, 2021. And it will be his 21st birthday on the 13th. I really need to start drinking. But my boys are already the most beautiful things in this world.

Oh yeah, you too, my gorgeous wife. If you want to drop me love, as King Priam said, “Do you really think death frightens me now?” I relish the idea of closing my eyes and being reunited with my firstborn son. But as I said, I’m no angel. I’m going straight to Hell. And for more than failing my son.

The one-eyed monster in my pants, for starters. Him between your twins? That ain’t very appropriate ha-ha. And why not? A Tuesday morning in bed with you. The kids are asleep. I’m sure V is watching over them. And how many kids are conceived around…

February, uh, Valentine’s Day. A man has to have eyes everywhere. And I wish I could be all romantic with “I Only Have Eyes For You.” I do my love. No doubt about it. Ever.

And if you had a sister… Eww? A twin sister… Is that worse? It’s only a fantasy, my “Sweet Love.” Call it my Double Trouble fantasy. One we could live out. In a way… But I see Braxton’s ashes. Virgil’s fur. Seeing Double B, V

1829 Days Without B III, Day 1270 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tuesday, January 27, 2026

Journey 210 ~Braxton’s Forgiveness Lessons V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And how long has that been again? Am I asking to die? Uh, this week?

As much as I believe I’m going to the Ninth Circle of Hell, I have hope. Such mad hope, but there it is. I may see my son again. My B III. But what about you, our kids, and 2-V?

But first there’s you. Ok, I’m lying. First, there was/is my Braxton. My firstborn son.

Babydoll, “I Knew I Loved You before I met you.” Only I can say the same thing to B III.

“I’m sorry.” Two more words I’ve been thinking a lot about this week. Braxton’s last. That was five years ago, of course. Has Braxton forgiven me for what happened? Death.

McDonald’s doesn’t deliver to the Rainbow Bridge. But with enough time, Braxton would forgive me. A good track record, right?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

“Love Is A Long Road.” As long as “Rainbow Road?” Our children, and that’s Virgil too, deserve better than a man like me. A man who can never forgive the boy who grew up to be me. Would it honor Braxton if I could adopt his teaching? Like adopting Virgil.

Honestly, he’s mine, ours, everything we have. Yet “I’m feelin’ like a prisoner. Like a stranger in a no named town.” And “Nobody Knows it but me.” “What’ve I’ve Done?”

Hell! I should apologize for all the music I’m quoting. Why? I’m not MAGA. FDT! Apologizing to this forty-one-year-old man that I am. What does it do? Whose it for?

Seriously, my dearest Love, it would do nothing. It would mean nothing. I hate myself.

“Only you?” Should you apologize, or shall I? What if we both conceded, concur, and come apart in each other’s arms? Submit, surrender, and swear to each other that what’s done is done, and we can try never to hurt each other again. But we will. It’s Love, always and forever. I could never hate you. Though the term hatefuck comes to mind. And why.

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? More like “A Hard’s Day Night.” Cruelty? Darling, you can be so “Heartless.” I mourn my son always and forever. And I can’t ask you to mourn a dead man. We’d both be saying we’re sorry until we’re blue in the face, and then what? I love you. Braxton’s Forgiveness Lessons V

1822 Days Without B III, Day 1263 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tuesday, January 20, 2026

Journey 203 ~Just B Here Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? So why play “Things You Can Say About Your Dog But Not Your Girlfriend” Wife?

“Be Here Now.” Isn’t that from “A Dog’s Purpose”? That reminds me… WTF! I should read yet another book about dog loss next week. Currently, I’m reading another HaremLit book, but we’ll get to that. Like Sunday, January 31, 2021, Saturday, August 13, 2022, Forty-One Effing E-Days. But “You And Me?” I swear I didn’t want to cry today. Effing Lifehouse! Effing Sunday, August 24, 2025. Who would I be if that day went differently?

A “Lonely Soul” sitting in the middle of a “Mad World.” Me and the mutt? Do I mean Braxton’s little brother, Virgil? Tarnished and maidenless, a “geek” playing Elden Ring. Not even a man? Land? No, fatherhood is the epitome of manhood. And some make me out to be androgynous…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

No! You, my love, know I’m all man. But if you weren’t here… Hell, I’d love to be Johnny Sins. I’d fornicate till my cock turns blue. Effing my way across the seven seas. Forever?

If I didn’t have you, my love, I’d end up like Kaoru from Slaves to Passion/Hana Dorei. I would lose myself to… Beautiful but boring. Did I mention I’m reading “Pledged To Him 8” by Neil Bimbeau? What woman would let me have such a life? Cuck, Harem, and more.

How many women do I know who would allow a harem? Well, there’s you, mistress… Have we gotten there yet? Is that something we could both be here for? Because what caused Sunday, August 24, 2025. I still don’t know.

Children? I want to be a father, you want to be a mother, and what comes next? B and V?

They get to be big brothers. Chihuahuas and all. Like Braxton, “You Are Not Here.”

Honestly? That’s what I tell myself every morning, and then I’m proven wrong. My sin?

“Too sexy for my love. Love’s going to leave me.” Yeah, that’s funny. If anything, I haven’t been here for all the days that I’ve mentioned. I haven’t left the exam table where Braxton died. I haven’t risen from the loveseat the first day I got Virgil, and gasped, “What have I done?” I haven’t left the bed since “the breakup.” Or the place where I was born. But I’m expected. Just B Here Virgil

1815 Days Without B III, Day 1256 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will