When B was here, it was “Love you, B, love you, Braxton.” With V… “Later V, later Virgil.” And that’s when I can get his name right. I don’t try with people. I don’t say their names or wish them peace. It’s only “Later.” Oh, to Just B Peaceful Virgil
Tuesday, March 25, 2025
Meditation 267 ~Just B Peaceful Virgil~
Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And not myself? That’s like asking if I will ever accept my son’s loss.
My boy. You, all that you are, our family. And peace. That’s what I’ve been thinking about since five this morning. I can’t say I’ve even cried today… I’ve been a little misty, I suppose. As long as I avoid mirrors, windows, and V’s eyes. But Baby Doll, there’s you.
Unforgettable, that’s what you are. What about Love and Peace? Before I get into the man you married. Or the man you married gets into you… Uh, eww? Let me tell you what I’ve been looking for. Looking so hard that my eyes hurt. I’ve downed an energy shot to keep from closing my eyes. I even took a couple of painkillers. But I’m not loopy enough to see Braxton on our bed, on guard duty.
Ask me when I was happy, free, or not a misanthrope… I can tell you when I feel alive, in love, at peace. How about when I’m a husband, a father, just a man? Everything!
Over-stimulated, overwhelmed, and overflowing. My love, the man you married is over being alive, and yet “Here I Am.” “All Yours.” Lucky you. Ha! I am anything but a man of peace. But again, that’s what I’m looking for. If nothing can bring Braxton back, then at the very least, give me that. Let me look to the corner of our four-post bed in peace.
Honestly, “Every Morning.” More like in the afternoon when I’d nap after the Day Job.
And there would be Braxton keeping me “Safe and Sound.”
But now, “I Feel Everything.” And that, my love, is why you married a hedonist. Because if I must feel, let it be pleasure instead of pain. A sadist? It’s the only time I’m nice to myself. And it shouldn’t be that way. To hurt you, even if you enjoy it all to save myself.
Do you know “How To Save A Life?” You find peace within yourself. And that’s not me, my love. My peace might as well be the backyard fence, my body, and my furry little Braxton.
Breaking! And the only peace I find is reading, writing, and looking at the broken.
Honestly, that’s not peace but pieces. Is a piece of a man enough? A man’s peace. Just B Peaceful Virgil
1514 Days Without B III, Day 955 of Virgil’s Arrival
B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will