Tag: Dæmon

Chronicle 055 ~I B Seeing Ya~

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Last week I spoke of crying, and if tears were cash, I’d be literally swimming in it. But I sweat at the Day Job, I would’ve given blood for Braxton, I did on occasion, and now a reverse on Onlyfans. But I’m not crying over that. “I B Seeing Ya”

Wednesday, August 25, 2021

Chronicle 055 ~I B Seeing Ya~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s something I want people to see. More I wish Braxton was alive to see.

I was reminded Monday that B watched me waste a decade of my life. Ten years, his Daddy, his best friend, his “person,” came home haywire, hurt, and hate-filled. There is not one day, no, not one that this wasn’t true. Unless I walked in then back out or yelled. He never minded, but now I find out that somebody else has. I’m a scary dude Inspector Echo. Most days, if I can be only a TIRED black man instead of a STUPID one or ANGRY. I would call that a win. I’m trying to remember those times B III saw me at peace, SIGH. I’ve said before that I don’t blame Banfield Pet Hospital. I’m guilty; I’m a murderer. But then ten years Inspector.

Braxton had 15+ and of those first five. Hell, how long was I with my Olds? I must have been twenty-one when I first met my son. As much as I want to say it was my rage at the Day Job, how can I account for wasting thirty-six years of my life? Almost thirty-seven. Um, my Olds, to the Day Job supervisors and managers, even Carolina Bound sometimes. From praise, to pardon, to pain, what they must think about me. I need earbuds. To know, the one I love the most as far as his opinion of me never spoke a single word Echo. Inspector, I imagine he’s as dedicated to watching me. Like, my sister had him watching the Disney Channel. I’m Onlyfans

You know me, I would do anything to get out of another day at the Day Job. Anything but yeah, publish a book or stop punishing my penis. Graphic, um, I’m sorry Echo for that. To think I saved that for the shower. Or when Braxton was on punishment, playing in the sun, or preaching to the neighbors. Inspector, there’s the news today from OnlyFans. Braxton is watching me be late enough as it is. Talking to you, but at least I’m not in bed. Didn’t I say something before about WWBD (What Would Braxton Do). Dad’s wasting his life. I can say for 15+ I found myself capable of loving one with everything, Echo. How To Save A Life… Braxton, I B Seeing Ya.

“I keep asking God what I’m for
And he tells me “Gee, I’m not sure.” Alan Menken, Skid Row (Downtown)

206 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 054 ~Will Love B There~

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Sometimes B is in my dreams. When I go into his room, some of his toys have moved. I’d swear I had a rat or some other rodent, but all B’s treats are on the table. Calling him for meds, I swear I hear his paws patting all around. “Will Love B There?”

Tuesday, August 24, 2021

Chronicle 054 ~Will Love B There~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I still don’t fancy myself an art connoisseur. Well, like Onlyfans, it depends. What’s art?

There are no more little tan hairs at the foot of the bed or on my pillow from B jumping. B’s shrine, temple, memorial, I don’t know, is never going anywhere like V for Vendetta. I don’t care what we have, “Soon As I Get Home” from work, I’m in my B III hoodie, ok. Hell, where are we now 205 Days, and I’ve only ever missed one, with a treat for my B III. There are labels for meds, beeps for when I need to get up to check his spot or water bowl. You hear me when I walk into the house. Honey, I’m home. Nah, “just me, Baby B.” Is it ok? No, I’m not asking permission. Another thing like Aloe Blacc.

I’ve told you before about his song “Wake Me Up” and how he sings about life’s a game. I still don’t agree that love is the prize but a gift. Sure, not everyone wants it. There are imitations of such. But once you give it, when you receive it, well, can it be taken away? Losing Braxton has made me love more. Being a husband to you, a father to our children, I won’t ever be one to tell you what to think or believe. I know what I feel and what’s real. I know my love for my family will never diminish. It’s only, I’m loving for two now. Braxton’s not here. I know that (SIGH) I know that. I need him to be.

And you need me to be, as do our children, so to quote another song, “Where Is The Love?” Be it the Rainbow Bridge, Heaven, or applying for Cerberus’s job. I hope B will know. Baby Girl, I fear my love is like the sun. For you, it’s having to travel far from its origin. That was Braxton to me. Pathetic, I know, considering my history with the word love. B III is up there, somewhere, and the world is a bit colder for all of us. It could be that I loved him so much. I fear what would happen if I focused all my attention on you. God is love, THEY say, but God is cruel. But for us? Will Love B There

205 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 052 ~Rules Can B A…~

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Make sure to bring a sharable (fries), don’t let the grass grow tall enough to poke my little B, let me go outside if you’re trying to cook. Those are only a few of Braxton’s rules, and now the house and life are lawless but TRADITION. Rules Can B A

Sunday, August 22, 2021

Chronicle 052 ~Rules Can B A…~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there are no rules, but as for you… Make the bed might be one more.

Speaking of one, what’s one more humiliation, an accident, or betrayal. I’d say you’re going to Hell but been there and done that. What, I don’t do inspirational Pep Talks. Instead, I know you’re thinking about the last time you were at the Day Job. Do we go to you at the kiosk? How about your Stupidity at price changes? Oh, it gets worse too. If it wasn’t your first time working the kiosk in a decade, it’s your first car accident with someone. You’d never say you’re a good driver, but I felt that fear returning the other day. Then, of course, I went to PetSmart as well. I could say I hadn’t petted another dog since Braxton for 201 Days. Then 202… add that to Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, The Theta Patient (short)
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 007 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

That’s the thing, mourning doesn’t have any rules until it does. Rules are Rules, as I read in The Theta Patient. Now you’re all into The Theta Timeline. Would you look at that, a connection? At the moment, you don’t know who you are but with B’s death and books. Hell, there’s a whole series of rules written down to life, so why don’t you read them? I don’t know what I was envisioning when buying that “Budget Guns” magazine. Now you’re dealing with some thoughts. You know you must be careful voicing such opinions. Petting that dog… I needed a bit of life, but the thing is, I don’t deserve it. The good news is life makes it as hard as Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, The Theta Timeline (Novel)
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

There are no rules other than those you have made for yourself that you won’t follow. How about the government you tell M Anime that you believe in? There are all the unwritten ones. For when you get out of this bed and face the people of this world. Man in the mirror. If anything, right now, you only want to finish this conversation in two hours and fifteen minutes. It’s only an idea that you feel deems you worthy of having a nap in the afternoon. Like in Blue Gender, when you’re asleep, the monsters can’t get you or B III, right? He Knows

Interestingly, I chose to break B III’s rule of coming home smelling like other dogs. Is that a Hell-worthy trespass… Yes, Rules Can B A…

203 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 051 ~To B A Winner~

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As the song goes, why do the things I hate come so naturally? In that case, I should learn to hate winning because losing is pretty easy. Hate my job; keep it. Love my dog, lose him. Writing is the one thing in balance… “To B A Winner”

Saturday, August 21, 2021

Chronicle 051 ~To B A Winner~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but is that enough? Should I look up a trillionaire? Start with getting up on time.

Sure, when it comes to the Day Job that I hate. Earlier in the week, I set my alarms wrong, but I wanted to do something with my life, honest to God. But I made it to the Day Job. When it comes to disparaging myself. Oh no, I mustn’t be late for that. We only started talking, Luna, but how long will it be before I say something ugly about myself, I ask you? I killed my son. There it is, and how long has it been since I said that? We’re on Day 202. Living with Betrayal, Ninth Circle Treachery. I didn’t tell you last week about PetSmart. I’m sure I told one of the girls and Carolina Bound. Saturdays, PetSmart brings dogs.

I love Braxton. B III can’t be replaced. I can do my best Yoda impression or perhaps Mace Windu “he’s too old.” Of course, I’m talking about the dogs, more like he’s too big, hmm. B III spoiled me for small dogs and, in particular, Chihuahuas. An acquaintance offered me one, but you don’t start a conversation with “Where do you live.” Trust No One. Dammit, we’re not even having this conversation. I could find something else to do today. Yesterday I finally got to my Inbox. I could write about “Soulmates.” Finish a book. Think about my finances. Everyone’s predicting the end of days with OnlyFans. The new rules. It’s not like I made a dime. My mourning did cost me a pretty penny.

Not in a good way either, considering me being a monk and all and then not. I swear, everyone figured 2021 was going to be a new start. I’d kill to have 2020. Braxton was lived. But now, there is my fear of leaving the house. Agoraphobia; my Walmart accident. There’s what I was working on yesterday when everything I do should be for Braxton. Lady Luna, do I ever want to sign my name again to take on another life? After my B III. In the end, it doesn’t matter what I do. I write and never publish. Take my clothes off and so much for “Stuff And Thangs.” The one I love dies. It’s lonely at the top, but To B A Winner.

202 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 050 ~So A B-Story’s Place~

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If I could tell you where I belong, it would be on a bestseller list, back in my bed, or lying on the couch as Braxton took a nap from guarding me. I want to believe he’s in a better place, but we were a package deal. “So A B-Story’s Place”

Friday, August 20, 2021

Chronicle 050 ~So A B-Story’s Place~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but do I really need to read another billionaire’s life story? I don’t read my own.

That’s a damn insult with me spending 201 Days writing about B. Blogging every day. I’ve written two 50,000 page books. One for my ongoing “Cherry” series and B’s story. I read A Dog’s Purpose after Braxton’s death but couldn’t continue with more lost furries. Braxton will always have a place here, but I’ve been stuck on Sunday, January 31, 2021. Hmm, maybe that’s why I’m into time travel. I’ve stopped doing it myself when it comes to my writing. That’s me being lazy. Besides that, I’m between being all-in on The Tomorrow War on Amazon. And finishing The Great De-evolution. Now there’s The Theta Patient and The Theta Timeline by Chris Dietzel. Trying to make history better. No, Lady Sophia, I’m not a Republican.

Like M Anime, though, I can’t say I’m a fan of the other side either. I talked about ranting to Braxton yesterday. I swear it’s the same story every single day. Some rich white guy or Republican escaping justice. There are only so many times you can see that story.

Meanwhile, if I want to see more stories of the horrors of the world, “Soulmates.” Next to seeing Braxton in his own bed, dying on that hospital table, geez. When I turn off the lights, I keep thinking I will bump into Reyansh or Anaisha’s dead bodies. A horrific crime. Ain’t like they didn’t warn the viewers. No fine print. In the aftermath, they wrote, “while you were watching this film, a girl was raped.”

If we were to talk about all my views on sex that I’ve written and when they’ll come out… “A good question – for another time.” I’d rather talk about Onlyfans expelling “explicit sexual content” come October. I’m not much to look at Lady Sophia but damn, a bit much. While I’m busy quoting “The Force Awakens,” how about “Serenity.” “I’m not going to live there. There’s no place for me there.” What I mean by that is who I am. I always feel like I’m in the way. At most, I’m some filler story for someone. At least, a few wasted words, a joke, not to be remembered at all. Considering the Day Job, I hope so. But my son? So A B-Story’s Place

201 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 049 ~A Bark Named Braxton~

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Well, I’m saving a mess load of trees by not going through with publishing. I’m not annoying my neighbors, but I’ve cussed many men out for talking about B. And should I balk, bark, and bitch about that movie Soulmates? A Bark Named Braxton

Thursday, August 19, 2021

Chronicle 049 ~A Bark Named Braxton~

200 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know I buy fries as much for myself as I do for you, B.

If you were anyone else, what would I say? Today was terrible, horrible, it sucked? As usual, “Humiliations Galore.” I bring food home, and we both stuff our faces, and then I drift off to sleep. On any given afternoon, I crawl into bed. You hold back the world, B. By the time I wake up, we would talk about any number of things. Last night I watched the Gofobo film festival. There was one film, “Soulmates.” I’ve viewed some disturbing leanings but damn, Braxton. With trying to forget about that (and I shouldn’t, nor should anyone else). I ended up voting for “Don’t Forget To Tip.” Speaking of voting, you remember how I ranted. YouTube SIGH. I’m pretty much a crazy man now that you aren’t here to listen.

Of course, what do I call this then? I didn’t even take my nap today. Too busy crying. It’s been 200 days, and I even said I was going to cry plenty today. Once this AM, then when I was on my way back. I ain’t going to lie, once at the Day Job, then while I was sitting here. How I wish I could be all romantic, dramatic, and melancholy crying into your book. I tell you this B III, trees are a lot safer with me around than you. If you could have seen the backyard, I was literally growing trees. The last time the yard looked decent… Saturday, January 30, 2021, B III. Your last walk besides going to your water bowl.

I wish I had your strength and I could get your book published. Hell, I can’t even walk downstairs most days and set myself to write or indeed edit. “My Turn to B III” yeah. Only in my dreams, and I did dream about you Wednesday. All the visions I have written out. But I knew that I was dreaming when I saw you. You didn’t bark. What’s to interpret? I’ll leave that to others when I get around to getting my tattoo. Yeah, I can see you giving me that look. It was as if you could read between the lines. Worthless words. Braxton, you had paws for a reason. Your barks are worth more than most voices. Speaking of A Bark Named Braxton.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 048 ~B Rating My Tears~

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My father would kick my ass for crying. I don’t remember the last time I cried, and it wasn’t about B III. 199 days now, and every single one, there have been some tears. At least it’s a moment in time I’m not sleeping my life away. B Rating My Tears

Wednesday, August 18, 2021

Chronicle 048 ~B Rating My Tears~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I would be making a good start if my tears cost a dollar at least.

A penny for my thoughts, but I’m not The Band Perry. If I Die Young, no such luck. I’m an old man Inspector Echo and once again repeating myself, so was Braxton. But he is always my baby. Every thought, well okay, that’s a lie but plenty, bring the waterworks. The same week I was finishing an A.J. Markham novel; I also read The Last Astronaut by Chris Dietzel. Short story made shorter, it’s about a man fleeing into space because of a cat. THEY say no one can hear you scream. Now, most of the story people couldn’t or wouldn’t. I know you must be getting sick of me talking about it. Here I am on a Sunday afternoon, knowing What Hurts The Most.

The Band Perry and now Rascal Flatts. If I wanted to cry today, I would listen to He’s My Son. I’ve already had my cry session today out of the blue. I should be ashamed when it comes to “Stuff And Thangs.” How about whatever humiliation happened Day Job wise. I’m writing this early after realizing how easy it would be to put up a gallery about Braxton, and I haven’t on Day 199. At least I know what I’ll be crying about on Thursday. 200 Days without Braxton. Tony Baker’s son died. That man’s stronger than me, no doubt. Inspector, he talks about his village but as for me… I wish I had a friend like Subotai from Conan The Barbarian. Cry for me

Inspector, when I’m crying, I’m not sleeping. It took The Last Astronaut decades to think Happy Thoughts about his cat, Bob. In “The Tomorrow War,” Dan got to see his daughter again. Some happy tears for M Anime, who turns thirty-three today, third best friend. Carolina Bound told me that if her husband wasn’t crying when she walked down the aisle. She would have walked right back up without him. To have happy tears, I’ll have to remember to fetch the dictionary. Never will be ahem; Happy Emergence Day. Yet, I wonder why I’m not “Successful” for all my blood, sweat, and tears. Does happiness take as much out of you as rage and sadness? If I’m lucky, I won’t go B Rating My Tears.

199 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 047 ~Birds And The B~

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Braxton, can you try not to hump the company. True story. B will give me one of his looks like, “well, Dad, if you’re not going to.” He was his father’s son, and sooner or later, I will have to give “The Talk,” someday, among others. Birds And The B.

Tuesday, August 17, 2021

Chronicle 047 ~Birds And The B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I never had it in me to have Braxton neutered. I’m a responsible parent, Ha-Ha.

This could be the second most feared conversation for a parent to have. The Birds and the Bees. Aren’t our kids a bit too young for that? Braxton was already an old man when I felt I needed to have such a conversation somehow. Braxton loved my third best friend. Hell, I never got “The Talk.” Everything I learned came from late nights with Cinemax. There was my discovery of Japanese Anime, and I mean more than Adult Swim. Hentai. I can tell you all about the first night I met Braxton. As for puberty, I rather forget it all. Well, I turned out alright… or instead Life, uh finds a way. Does Love? Well, I have us; we have a family, but a dog?

I don’t look forward to discipline. There is a song that goes, “Son, fear is the heart of love.” I will not be that sort of a father making our kids afraid. But how to talk to them at all? Now between the two of us, I hope they share our likes. But if they turn out to be jocks, religious, conservative, or prefer Star Trek to Star Wars. Um, have a little common sense. Then there is the idea of having a pet. You’ve seen first-hand what Braxton’s loss did to me. My Olds went through the wringer in their marriage but never got divorced. One of the few traditions I intend to carry on. Plus, I ain’t my father. Explaining a pet’s death.

There is so much you can teach a kid. You know how I am with music. “Son what you don’t understand. My words might never explain.” If I was a bit more like Robin Williams. I can speak of death. I can’t explain the feeling. Holding a dying love, waiting. The most I’ll give my Olds and God may I be a better man now than having to depend on them. Anyway, my relationship with them “it’s complicated.” Braxton and I… now that was love. You and I, this family. We’re okay, I say. Did anyone tell you how, though? I promised Braxton, but I don’t have his barks anymore. The birds and the bees are silent now. What is love? Birds And The B

198 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 045 ~ Askin’ To Stay Braxton~

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Like the song, I don’t belong here, but when B sat on my lap or laid on my legs as I read or decide it was bedtime, it was as if I had permission to stay. Only I didn’t afford him that luxury, and what am I doing in PetSmart. Askin’ To Stay Braxton.

Sunday, August 15, 2021

Chronicle 045 ~ Askin’ To Stay Braxton~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but can you get there in the next couple of days? The end of the month, hmm?

Get where? Around this time, you would be dreading your next work shift, and you are. Emergence Day is coming. Only like me, you’re “trapped” on Sunday, January 31, 2021. Oh, sure, like “The Tomorrow War” (you haven’t forgotten), you jump between rafts. How about Wednesday, February 10, 2021. When B returned… a reminder is unnecessary. Yesterday is now going on the list, Saturday, August 14, 2021. I’ve said before. With all the fears in life and what scared me on the 13th, the scene of the crime made sense. It’s the first time I stepped foot inside PetSmart since getting Braxton “the remains.” Don’t ever forget the truth of what happened. Now that’s something you could never do. Then there are Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus 5 (Hardcore Dungeon Core) – A LitRPG Series Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 007 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

So besides letting my boy down, letting my boy down, and oh yeah, letting my boy down, what have I been doing? More like what are you planning to do. It’s your time, your turn. You’re looking for one day, only one that you can be proud of. No, it won’t be today. You woke up late, and you’re on the couch instead of at the table. You’re already exhausted. Do you know what made Braxton’s day every day? See, you want to say French Fries, his walks, or when he got off guard duty. What or rather who brings all that to him, YOU. And that was enough to ask for him to stay, regardless of anything else. Blame him for Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, The Theta Patient (short)
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 007 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Don’t you wish, but you were a fuck up with this list while B III was alive. So it’s pretty easy to say you’re stuck when again, as always, you know the truth. You’re lazy. Staying in Hell keeps you warm, at least when you no longer have a cute puppy to do it now. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to pet any of those dogs at PetSmart. It would have been such a betrayal. Even if you find some way to escape Hell, answer this question. Where are you going? In the Bible, it says this “Hell followed him.” With Braxton, he took Heaven. So you’ve got nowhere to go, and my advice for you is to start building. Home… Askin’ To Stay Braxton.

You are where you do not belong.
Whisperer, TWD

196 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 044 ~Need To B Shopping~

WillLeave a comment

It wouldn’t be the first time I starved for food, fun or the love of my furry partner in crime. Yet I have to get up, and if I do get into another accident, I hope I get hit harder. Beware of karma, right? Need To B Shopping, for Braxton and me still

Saturday, August 14, 2021

Chronicle 044 ~Need To B Shopping~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’ll have a personal shopper. I sorta was when Braxton was around. B First

If Braxton were alive, I would not hesitate to go shopping. I did plenty for him, his needs becoming my courage. Then it was zombie mentality after he died. Why do you think zombies once upon a time moaned for “BRAINS.” Like the song goes, “I feel stupid.” More like, I’m afraid. I haven’t been back to Walmart since the accident. I should have kept up my regular routine. My first thought is this Lu, “does Little B have food, treats, pee pads?” So I would park on that side of the store and not the grocery side, always. People get in the way, but I’m not a person. These days I’m the horny fanboy. Yeah, hoping Walmart has the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition today.

How I don’t want to get up today, but at least I made it to the couch this morning. Last night I was ready to break my… what is it, vow, pledge, bet, some madness I don’t know at all. But while I’m making notes, how about one to get more memory and for what. Porno? It should run more rampant around here without Braxton. But again, last night, something was wrong, and the first thing I thought about is where are all my ladies. Writing took a backseat along with any other common sense. I got called out by Maitland Ward, so she, of course, cost me a few bucks. Um, Jada Jinxx has her first movie coming out. Oh, my Stuff and Thangs?

I should go back to work on that, but it’s time if I’m not wasting money. Didn’t I just say that something went wrong the other day, and I want to add more stress? Maddening! Lady Lu, I should be out there mowing the damn lawn. Braxton would be super pissed with the condition. What about cleaning the house or doing anything other than sleeping? I’ve said this how many times… his water bowl is full; he has enough treats so I may honor him. What I wouldn’t give to come back one day and say “stinky puppy” to him. Yeah, that would come after my “Emergence Day” meal if I shared a bit too much. What about M Anime’s birthday? Need To B Shopping

195 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will