Meditation 085 ~$150 Virgil Plus Braxton~

V’s cute, BUT I can see why he needed a forever home. I’m very much the same. I can be “witty” occasionally, but home is one of those made-up words I hear like Birt… Emergence Day. And how much did I spend on it for me? $150 Virgil Plus Braxton.

Tuesday, September 24, 2024

Meditation 085 ~$150 Virgil Plus Braxton~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And I can “proudly” say I’ve never paid for anything more than an “Ecdysiast.” Seriously!

A Burlesque Queen? Some girl sans her clothing or artist, whether real, AI, or otherwise. Honestly! What a way to start off our conversation today. It’s Friday, September 20, 2024.

I could be crying over Braxton. I love my son. And what about Virgil? It must be love because I’m pushing him to the edge of the bed most days. Paying for cuddles. For love. I want to know how much my Old Man spent getting Braxton for my younger sister. But Virgil was $150.00. I am a “man” of my word. And what do I always say? A Man Provides. That always remains true.

Babydoll, what about you and our family? It is my job, duty, obligation, responsibility, honor, and everything else to make sure you want for nothing.

But what about me? Am I being selfish in saying that? And money and love… You have no idea how I’m trying not to burst into a tune from The Beatles or JLO, my darling.

Paying for love? Buying love? I should get a thesaurus first. I’m all for books on my tablet, but nothing beats a physical copy. It’s why I have a Study and not a Man Cave. Though we do have an entertainment room. And some things within my Study are somewhat questionable, baby girl. Which brings me to today’s musings. What do I want for myself?

The world mija and everything in it. Did I mention I’ve been appreciating the beauty of Latina culture lately? Maybe I miss M Anime, hmm?

Things I shouldn’t be telling you, my love, but you know your husband’s business dealings.

But what do I really want besides… well, it starts with a B and ends in III. Did I even talk about this on Emergence Day? I’m forty and already losing my memory. On Emergence Day itself, I got a steak and lobster dinner and cake. Then there’s you and what our kids got for me. And that’s what bothers me… Again, I should watch what I say, my love.

Communication has not been my strong suit these days. What I mean is I don’t deserve it. To be alive? I think of what could have happened to Virgil. $150.00 for his life. What’s my self-worth… $150 Virgil Plus Braxton

1332 Days Without B III, Day 773 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 078 ~Noises To B, Virgil~

Wednesday, September 4, 2024. Just make it past E-Day. Get past E-Day. “If you’re going through hell. Keep on going.” That was me and my B. “Run, boy, run.” But to be happy wherever… Not in the womb or pet hospital. But V’s here. Virgil’s Happy To B…

Tuesday, September 17, 2024

Meditation 078 ~Noises To B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? You’re my “Cheerleader.” My words of wisdom. Dare I say, my laugh track? Today’s laughter…

Wednesday, September 11, 2024, to be precise. Here I am talking to you while looking up Marilyn Monroe and Taylor Swift, amongst other women… Something I shouldn’t be confessing to you… You know my business. And business has been HARD. I don’t mean that in a good way. But when am I ever good? Being a good husband, father, lover.

Darling, while I love being yours, I miss when I only needed to be a Dad. Being Braxton’s father… No, I’m not going to go back to crying about him, at least not right away.

Emergence Day is still fresh on the brain. Noise was actually a good thing when it came to us. It keeps me from thinking of everything else. Today though… Laughter.

I’m not a comedian, clown, or customer. No, my name isn’t Carrie. “They’re all gonna laugh at you!” I’ve made it my business to know about a woman’s… Uh, C. And a man’s C… seriously censorship. And I’ve actually studied a bit on C… Let’s just say “Netorare” and move on. Is that funny? Some other men think so. But with everything I feel, see, and hear… Today, it was the hearing. I swear last night I was overjoyed at Kamala Harris laughing at Trump. But leave it to people… I don’t even laugh at myself, which is good, right? Then again, I should laugh to keep from crying. Again, this isn’t about my son.

Emergence Day. For hating it beloved, I keep mentioning it.

Braxton’s silence, his aunt’s, but not yours? Not that I’m blaming you. We have children and everything. I want them to enjoy themselves and to be happy for me. Seriously.

Today it was only those women. It’s one thing when I care what a woman thinks or sounds like in bed. But mindless, meaningless, and mean-spirited prattle, my dear love.

It gets to me sometimes. Not that I’m against joy. And you know, I could ramble on for a while about my views on jokes, just kidding, and being a jerk. But lover, please listen.

Braxton’s breathing. That’s something worth listening to. My love, the way our bodies “Collide” that’s music to my ears. Our kids opening books and behaving. Beautiful. Noises To B, Virgil.

1325 Days Without B III, Day 766 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 071 ~Virgil’s Happy To B…~

Wednesday, September 4, 2024. Just make it past E-Day. Get past E-Day. “If you’re going through hell. Keep on going.” That was me and my B. “Run, boy, run.” But to be happy wherever… Not in the womb or pet hospital. But V’s here. Virgil’s Happy To B…

Tuesday, September 10, 2024

Meditation 071 ~Virgil’s Happy To B…~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? You are the love of my life. Every moment, every single second, I am filled with love for you. To be in love with you is my greatest joy, my deepest desire. Please believe me.

A little less of a horndog… How about to be here? And happy? Two things, my love. Sigh, horndog or hound dog… I’m loyal to you and no other. You know the man you married.

And you know, my love, that I struggle with happiness. It’s a concept that often eludes me. When was the last time I truly felt happy? I’m not sure, but I need to explore this. We should focus on the present, on being ‘Here and Now ‘. Like right this second, Wednesday, September 4, 2024.

B III is still gone. But do I feel the need to talk about him? No. There art thou happy! Today, I’m not ready to be happy. I’m not ready to celebrate. I’m petrified, love. Not only hard for… you.

I feel comfortable making jokes about adult situations but not about celebrating Emergence Day. And what is the leading cause of Emergence Day? Being in an adult situation. So why can’t I be an adult and make a decision? And that’s how much to spend.

There is no price for my family’s happiness. But since I can’t bring back the dead or build a time machine. And love is not a prize; it’s a gift or the instructions. How-To Love.

My darling, you know that I love you with all my heart. I love you, our family, our friends. But when it comes to me, happiness isn’t in sight… Yet, I strive to be the best for you and our children. Like breathing, it’s natural.

So I’ve been sitting here contemplating how much to spend.

“Money can’t buy me love…” Did I say that out loud with the business that I’m in? Again, with the jokes. I don’t remember Emergence Days without my son. That’s how horrible they were. At least with Braxton, it meant no alarm clocks. B III got steak and fries, ha-ha.

Only sometimes. I met Braxton’s aunt on Emergence Day because she didn’t want me to spend it alone. Well, at least without human interaction. Braxton Barks was none too pleased.

Darling, it’s less than a hundred bucks. I tell Lunalesca that I’m a billionaire. Would I be happy if I had the fortunes of the Amazon, X, and my novel CEOs? “We can be heroes just for one day.” Happy? Me? Virgil’s Happy To B…

1318 Days Without B III, Day 759 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 066 ~Will, B, Happy? Virgil~

When’s the last time I’ve said “It Was a Good Day?” “I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow.” A man without gratitude. One who doesn’t count his blessings. A man… not even at forty, which I’ll be very soon. I’d rather find my son again. Will, B, Happy? Virgil

Thursday, September 5, 2024

Meditation 066 ~Will, B, Happy? Virgil~

1313 Days Without B III, Day 754 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Today, I’m going to tell you about one, Braxton. But before I do this, please understand. Happiness is not my nature. Even when you were here. Also, let’s think about breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Really? Your way of timekeeping. A reminder of our shared moments.

“When I wake up in the morning, love. And the sunlight hurts my eyes,” plays on the radio. I see you staring back at me. You’re not sitting on my head or guarding the door.

We’re not back-to-back. You lick my nose, so of course, you must be hungry. But I have a little bit of money, so I order breakfast. The only people we’ll see today are delivery people and Daddy’s special friends… I let you play outside as I sip a cappuccino. When the vittles arrive, I will fix you a little buffet, and you will think it’s Christmas. But it’s Emergence Day.

“And in this moment, I am happy.” Happy to be…

Alive! With You! Older! But Braxton, “You know I’m a big boy, and big boys have desires,” seriously. Hey! You like your Aunt’s Yabbos. But first, we need food, and you need a mom. And Mexican food is a good idea. And getting it on with the maid… As I said, “special friends.” We did share with you until our movie time… Netflix and Chill?

Would you rather I lock you up or close the door for “adult time.” If I’m forty, you would be nineteen. Still, I don’t need my puppy seeing me and a pretty brunette. Your mom?

Well, no. But you know what it means when you hear Sade’s Smooth Operator playing. My cue for my privacy…

Anyway. Woke her up after fun… she didn’t hesitate to call Big Will the top gun. Did I do any writing today since I’m busy ripping off Ice Cube? “It Was A Good Day,” B.

However, it’s not over yet. Your Aunt wants to come over and spend what’s left of the day with us. You know I go all out for dinner. Steak and lobster. I actually looked up whether dogs can have lobster. Of course, you get another plate for yourself as your Aunt, and I watch movies. Cherry and M Anime send “gifts.” Those I don’t share.

Your Aunt leaves, but there’s a knock. Braxton, I think I just met my wife.

Somehow. Will, B, Happy? Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 364 ~Virgil Will B Happy~

What would have made Braxton happy was not good for him. I could have told the vet to pump him full of drugs that would make him dive face-first into his food. But that’s not what happiness is. The dictionary skipped it. As did I. Virgil Will B Happy

Saturday, June 29, 2024

Tale 364 ~Virgil Will B Happy~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Or at least I was until I spent forty dollars on Virgil’s medication. Uh… What (BLANK)!

If only Braxton knew what that was like. What about some lady friend of mine… Lunalesca, there’s M Anime. But I still think about Cherry’s Yabbos. And that’s the thing. I tell myself that I’ll gladly pay for some woman sans her clothing but at the end of the day… Well, I misspelled healthy because, hopefully, Virgil will be with his medicine. But B had some meds of his own for his heart. And kidney failure took him from me.

So, as the song goes, “I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad.” But it’s not even that, Lady Lunalesca. And, happy? It’s just a word. A word that eludes me. It’s not getting any easier. But with my Little B III?

Whatever I was with him… I want to be that again. Instead of joining him?

I’m trying to avoid that, Lady Lunalesca. Which is another reason I bought Virgil’s medicine. Now, there’s no medicine for what I have. Sleeping pills? Do you want me to join Braxton today? I was planning on going to the movies. Strange, I’m sure, but that won’t make V happy. Ha! So we have meds, me going to the movies. A woman’s mammaries? For sure!

B had all that when his “honorary” aunt was around. Braxton couldn’t stand the maid. However, I didn’t want her standing either. Kneeling? Is that all I can think about? Lunalesca, I’m trying to find a reason to get out of this bed other than Virgil being hungry, healthy, or helpless. Happiness never factors into the equation for me, Lunalesca.

Hard, Horny, Horrified, that’s existence. Braxton Barks Bradford deserves happiness. Virgil Vivi Bradford? Their full government names. My only “sons” so far in this world.

Lady Lunalesca, I find myself in a world that doesn’t bring me joy, a world that makes me yearn for Tyrion’s wish for his Ending:

“In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl’s mouth around my cock.” ― Tyrion Lannister

Even then, Lady Lunalesca, would I find happiness? If I could go to bed at night feeling proud of what I accomplished in the day. But I’ve squandered this one, and it’s only 10:00 AM. I was up at four. And what was I doing? Would I be happy if it was something productive? I’m only relieved Virgil didn’t force me out of bed. But since he was here, I could only read. So, hooray…

Naughty books, M Anime’s dreams, nightmares… Virgil Will B Happy

1245 Days Without B III, Day 686 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 321 ~Happy To B Virgil~

I do like a book that has Happily Ever After. So I’m a bit ashamed I haven’t been reading about fur buddy memorials. My son Braxton and I didn’t get Happily Ever After. So buy more books… I’m keeping Virgil healthy, if not happy. “Happy To B Virgil.”

Friday, May 17, 2024

Tale 321 ~Happy To B Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Or should I buy you one? You should stay away from the search bar and finances.

There is no happiness to be found in such places. It’s a constant battle between keeping Virgil and myself healthy. I see a bit of Hilarity in continuing existence. And then there’s my hor… me being “amorous,” always. But happiness? It’s like a mirage, always just out of reach. People keep asking me for happy… anything, and I wish I could give it to them.

Sophia, I continued reading Michael Dalton’s novel this morning, and a particular quote hit me: “I’m happy if you’re happy.” Since everything leads back to my son Braxton, I ask…

B III, are you happy?

I remember so much about Braxton. I can still feel the warmth of Braxton’s last day on this Earth. I sat at the vet’s office, saw the look in B’s eyes, and heard what he was trying to say in his last moments. His thoughts still echo in my mind:

“Daddy, can’t we go home? I’m ok. I promise. You don’t have to worry anymore.”

Now Virgil is not happy.

Ok, sticking with Michael Dalton’s work, I’ll give you a few more choice words, Sophia: “If I have to live with it, then I will.” I should have made that into a rule, Lady Sophia.

That’s Virgil and I’s relationship. What is love? Love and Happiness. I told Braxton yesterday that the vet said that Virgil will live. But liking him? Virgil and his happiness.

Sophia, that’s what makes me a bad person. I don’t even try to read on the couch with him anymore. And yes, I’d include having problems with DISH Network, Sophia.

Honestly, my father isn’t too happy with me. But do you think I’m going to call him again today? I can’t find happiness inside me—only fear and book reviews…

9 Matches For Backyard Dungeon:

Well, Eddie is approaching seven wives. But with all the potential matches and hookups. I’ll give this 9th book in the series 4 Stars again. It’s great fun between the fighting, flushing out of the world, and again with all the romantic partners; there is plenty of… Uh, ahem, frolicking. I know I’ve said that before. Only with this title, my favorite part was Eddie playing matchmaker. He’s got babies, business, and he’s a bro. A particular type of bro, for sure. So, I tend to keep Logan Jacob’s books to myself. But to a specific clientele. Eddie Hill’s great.

What about my books or anything I would like to read? It won’t be happy, but… Happy To B Virgil

1202 Days Without B III, Day 643 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 305 ~Just B Happy, Virgil~

“I believe that God, whomever you hold that to be, hears all prayers, even if sometimes the answer is no.” Being happy? Being in love? Being with my son? If I were still a man of prayer, I’d ask “God” for V’s happiness. Or Brave. Just B Happy, Virgil

Wednesday, May 1, 2024

Tale 305 ~Just B Happy, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. I can’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror today or Tuesday, April 30, 2024, Inspector.

But the mess that Virgil made because it was raining this morning… That’s not upsetting. No, Inspector! I’m mad at Virgil because I’d leave without question if he weren’t here. Only I know that in and of itself produces a lot of questions. But as I stood at the Day Job today, unwrapping shower curtains, I thought, “Curtains foiled again.” I don’t mean to be funny. If anything, I yearn to be with Braxton. A week like this took him away from me. And the void he left is unbearable.

Inspector, I’m not just angry—I’m in a seething rage. It’s because people don’t listen or understand. That’s why we’re having this conversation. From Now On, the answer is NO! But to open my mouth. A third reason I’m miffed. For Man, am I not?

Oh, I’m burning today. Because I can’t cut on the air conditioning, but in all honesty, I would rather burn than freeze. I’ll get enough of that when I get to the ninth circle. Hmm.

Treachery, the betrayal of my son. And aren’t I betraying Virgil, too? Happy Life, Inspector?

What about a healthy one? How long did the tax refund last before being wiped out? And if it isn’t Virgil’s medical needs. What about everything else? Such selfishness unabated.

But I’ll do what’s right when it comes to Virgil while breaking a plethora of laws when it comes to everything else. And the fact I’m not moaning on some mattress right this second is a miracle. Yeah, day one without me… uh, never mind.

Because my biggest sin other than living in FEAR and my ANGER is this Inspector…

Why can’t you just be HAPPY, Virgil? My version of “Why can’t you just be normal?” B and I… were just us, and that was enough. But Virgil Vivi has been here for 627 days.

And when I walk in and see the mess he made in his bed. I can’t help but wonder which one of us has it worse. The vet took care of his “daddy issues.” Ha! As for me, I’m afraid.

That’s why I miss Braxton. “I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad.” My boy, Braxton, lived. Thirty-nine years and counting, I’ve existed. Happiness, for me, does not exist. But to LIVE BRAVE! Just B Happy, Virgil

1186 Days Without B III, Day 627 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 077 ~A W, V, Braxton~

When first I saw Virgil, I heard Braxton’s “voice,” saying… I can’t make this more black and white, Dad, pick him up. And he made bosoms look nice the way he would cuddle Carolina’s. And then money or the lack thereof. Don’t I want “A W, V, Braxton?”

Saturday, September 16, 2023

Tale 077 ~A W, V, Braxton~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… sigh, and it’s still not enough. I want it all, and I want it right now.

Stupid, greedy, getting naughty in the dark… I promise you, Lady Lunalesca, I’m not joining the GOP. And yet… Well, I’m mad at what happened at the bank yesterday. Hmm. There are worse things. Braxton is not getting any deader. Wow! That’s pretty harsh. Right? And when’s the last time I heard from Braxton? This morning, I suppose. Sucker Punch. Lunalesca, I mean both the feeling and the song from the movie I Want It All/We Will Rock You Mashup. So what is it my son is trying to tell me, Lunalesca? I don’t know. Thirty-nine years of existence, and I’m still confused as all Hell. Or scared to death. Please! “It’s foolish to ask for luxuries in times like these.” Pop culture’s popping today.

Unlike other things… And Braxton wouldn’t want me that happy, like him with his toys. But in all the things I’ve read and listened to. I swear between Eric Vall’s Harem romances and Imogen Linn’s Erotica. I’m keeping them both in business. There are also vampires. Like I was telling Lady Sophia yesterday. I didn’t have time for that. Winning? Victory? Each book is just that, Lady Lunalesca. Whether I’m reading or writing. There’s no time. Hell! I told B all the time. Once I get this done… What, become a wealthy man? When I have a bunch of women in bed? Let’s have the world wrapped around my finger. But with love, aren’t you already winning? Is that what Braxton is trying to say?

I don’t know if I told you about the two days I had people buy me breakfast and lunch out of the blue. And as much as I hate both the Day Job and E-Day, I got free food, right? And now, yesterday, I see someone left their money in the cash tray at the ATM, and I… don’t take it? Doesn’t money make me happy? Bosoms, Yabbos, Gazongas, Lunalesca. On more than one occasion… Braxton found his happiness cuddling with hers during movies. Sigh. Only I’m never happy. I couldn’t tell you what I am today, Lunalesca, besides exhausted. Only those fur baby books tell me our children would want us to be happy, to get those wins and victories. A W, V, Braxton

958 Days Without B III, Day 399 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 184 ~Have A B Year~

Happy New Year… much too soon to tell. Braxton ain’t here so that counts as an epic fail in my book. Plus, it was always so simple to put him at the top of my New Year’s Resolutions. There’s so much to think about as I try to Have A B Year.

Saturday, January 1, 2022

Chronicle 184 ~Have A B Year~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now; I have my boy, my babe, so let’s begin. But no. Welcome To The Real World.

Last year it was Braxton and me on the couch. Well, when he wasn’t pacing or hiding. He was antsy because I was. And with all the fireworks and guns going off. It was one of the last battlefields we would share together. Of course, his final battles, getting to his Water Bowl. Wanting to come home. Why can’t I stay, Daddy? The first cry of the year, 7:50 AM. As for how I spent this New Year’s? My Ma brought her famous dip, and I paid one of my own bills. For real? A good question for another time. I said Happy New Year to the vixen from the UK, Cherry. Ditto to Carolina Bound and M Anime. When the moment came for me.

Well, I was sitting right here, Lunalesca. I was in bed buck naked, staring at Cherry’s “covered” Yabbos per usual. No, not doing that. I cleared out my phone, making sure pictures weren’t repeated in the gallery. What a way to start the New Year, am I right, Lady Lu? So now I have a new day, a new year. I’ve had a few hours, so Having A B Year:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6xr6VKg7sE
  1. I WILL learn to love, somehow I will learn How To Save A Life
  2. I WILL publish at least one book, a bestseller
  3. I WILL make one million dollars every single year
  4. I WILL write 400 Words every day (Goal 120,000)
  5. I WILL visit a brothel somewhere and also participate
  6. I WILL see a return. First significant investment
  7. I WILL produce adult films
  8. I WILL do NaNoWriMo
  9. I WILL have a relationship or sleep with some girl once a month minimum
  10. I WILL, at last, provide for myself and any of those deemed my family
  11. I WILL spend no more than $500 on Yabbos I can’t touch (Hentai Excluded)
  12. I WILL start work on my life goals Episode 345 ~You Got Will’s Number~
  13. I WILL be FEARLESS

So as the eye doctor would say, “About the same?” What does #1 even mean? #10 is A Man Provides. #11, how many artists am I paying? Lots to do and without Braxton. Happy New Year. Have A B Year

335 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 173 ~This Christmas Will B~

My “father” told me I’ve had a “White Christmas” here or there. I’m too old to remember. And a “Blue Christmas” doesn’t seem to cut it. I’m sure B is somewhere barking, “I’ll Be Home For Christmas.” If only in my dreams, right? This Christmas Will B

Tuesday, December 21, 2021

Chronicle 173 ~This Christmas Will B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I could take Santa’s job. Well, that’s sort of the thing being a Daddy.

Do you think the kids know yet? When I discovered the whole Santa Claus, Jesus, and Olds conspiracy? I was older than I’d like to admit. To be honest, all of 2021, I’ve felt older and younger than I’d like. A boy, crying over B III. A man trying to be “strong?” Uh Nah. I’m sure the kids would be happier not waiting for Santa but for their Daddy to come home. There’s a reason I, well we don’t go “home” for the holidays. My Ma invited me home once, and I asked whether Braxton could come too. She never asked again. Christmas with Braxton. Sometimes it scares me to know how much our kids are like me. To be like you. A Christmas Wish?

Every day Christmas gets closer, I still think about what I want most of all. You know, of course. My friends know, and there is nothing anyone can do. Um, if this was Futurama? I could say I want nothing. With everything, I have, no what we have. What do you give the man that has everything? I wouldn’t be a proper billionaire if I didn’t want more, ha. Then once more, I could ask what you and our kids want? Christmas is supposed to be a time for miracles. Yet to this day, I still live by this. My desires, Impossible, Insane, Illegal. Why do we save it for Christmas? Braxton has been gone 324 Days. Not one passes that I don’t need him.

I’ve had a White Christmas and ones without snow. As the song goes, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” I’m sure our children would say, “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” How about a Christmas without me using Spotify? My Olds had a sound system. Speaking of tradition, I’ll be in here reading my Christmas Erotica alone. Want to come? I’m sure I’ll invite the children to watch Santa’s path on the computer. Pretty awesome. Will you cook up a brunch as my Ma does? Um, I don’t know if she does now, but ok. The thing is, “this Christmas will be a very special Christmas?” It will be different, that’s for sure, but Santa never fails. The postman, Braxton, Love. This Christmas, Will B

324 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will