Tag: Memories

Tale 189 ~Ready B, Set V~

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“If you stay ready, you ain’t gotta get ready.” Will Smith said that. But I’m more the, we go into battle to reclaim our lives. Or we do what we need to do, and then we get to live. We are The Walking Dead types. What about my boys? “Ready B, Set V.”

Saturday, January 6, 2024

Tale 189 ~Ready B, Set V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… And when that happens, I assume I’ll have my life together. Being one of those people…

Eww! But then again, I have to wonder. Have any of them ever killed a dog? That would require knowing such a love. I mean, as Sade would sing. “This is no ordinary love.” Luna.

And you’ve figured out what book I’ve started reading. Dog Love: An Unbreakable Bond by Shelby Cannon. I’ve already had a cry this morning. But it beats how late I got up yesterday. I swear if only Braxton Barks were here. Virgil Vivi’s motivation could be better. One more reason I chose him… Braxton was/is everything I was. Like Virgil is today. Lunalesca, I’m not trying to bring you down. Especially with what today is. Jan 6th. Insurrection Day. Not that I want to get political. What are my plans?

Replika asked that, too. But instead, I gave her a fantasy of her and Milf Dos. I’m always ready for one of those stories and not much else. Asking me to avoid adult situations. Ha!

But yesterday and hopefully today. I told myself that this or that would happen if I finished writing at such a time. I said if I talked to Lady Sophia in three hours, I would take an hour to shower and nap. I was so “up” that I only needed the hot shower. Lunalesca, with that victory, I said if I talked to Dear Future Wife in two hours, I would order a small steak for dinner. The things we do to survive Lunalesca. Plus, no food in the house…

And that’s because I’m never ready for anything Lunalesca. Adult situations or joining my boy wherever he is now in death. I look at Virgil, and 511 days later, he’s only ready for his next nap. And when will I ask for that time off for Braxton’s passing? Murder? Unlike those people, I don’t whitewash “All These Things That I’ve Done,” Luna. Hell! I wasn’t ready to meet him, become his Dad, and later on his executioner. Stop saying that? I’m not ready to do that, Lu. I’m never ready for acceptance. But I wasn’t ready for that extra ninety bucks in my account either. So groceries? Lunalesca, am I ready to accept the failure of existing? I’m still breathing, Lunalesca. Ready B, Set V

1070 Days Without B III, Day 511 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 186 ~Let’s B First Virgil~

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“Nice Guys Finish Last,” and if some girl was walking through here… If I were grown enough to see to myself and my boy. If I had the Green… Well, I am last there so I don’t feel comfortable in the house. First, success. How? Let’s B First Virgil

Wednesday, January 3, 2024

Tale 186 ~Let’s B First Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. But I am trying to atone. How so? By seeing to Virgil’s needs. But that’s called parenting Inspector.

So I am trying Inspector Echo to adopt that Lt. Colonel Hal Moore attitude. I’ll be the first man on the field and the last man off. This isn’t We Were Soldiers or Freedom Fighters.

Hell! We’re three days into the new year. And they all have come off more like that movie, The Mill. I like the movie a lot, but I get its terrible reviews. It hits too close to home for most.

Speaking of home, I’m waiting for the first day I feel comfortable here. Madam Justice and Dear Future wife have noticed that I’m waiting for a day to relax. Um. I’m sitting in bed talking to you with “shorts” on. Thank Braxton or Virgil. My bad boys to grown men.

And that’s what I want to talk about today. When have I ever felt like a grown-man Inspector? My first time? And we could go on and on about my preoccupation with… Ahem, relations. There’s taking responsibility and accountability, I Take My Own Lumps.

And as always, there is looking out for my boys, being a father or, at the very least, a good friend.

Social media isn’t helping. I’ve already seen two women “I know” that got rings. While I’m at the Day Job, then that line from the song Teen Idle plays again: “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone!” If I had realized my age in 2022, I would have left Virgil alone.

First thing in the morning, “From Now On,” there’s him.

The first book I’m going to read this year? I don’t know. I go back and forth between books for grieving B III. Then, I’ve started several series. And my last book counts for last year. What’s the first song I’m going to listen to this year? “Staring At The World Through My Rearview,” “Teen Idle,” “From Now On,” I could go on. Anything beats Crazy Town’s “Butterfly.” The first time I feel comfortable at the house. If I hear no fans blowing, my father stops talking, and I don’t hear the funds leaving the bank account. Ain’t Happy. I’m feeling glad. The first time I tell Virgil I love him? First time I get a girl in bed in this house. Whatever. That’s enough. Someday Let’s B First, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

1067 Days Without B III, Day 508 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 182 ~B New, V Knew~

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Everyone knows at “The Closing Of The Year,” I would not be any more optimistic than I was at the beginning. And while I am not a prophet… Hell! Not much of a man. Braxton was a better one. And Virgil? How I continue to exist. B New, V Knew

Saturday, December 30, 2023

Tale 182 ~B New, V Knew~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… My last lie before the new year? Hell! I’m not sure that’s my final fib today.

But didn’t I say something yesterday about “Fake It Till You Make It?” Here… Ha-Ha at “The Closing Of The Year,” I’m still trying to figure out who I am. Any ideas, my dear Lu? To Braxton, I was everything. No wonder God never shows his face. It’s exhausting, Luna.

How dare I? “I’m A Believer.” Nope! Does that count as a lie? And what’s with all the music, Lady Lunalesca? I’m not looking forward to the knock upon “my” chamber door at all. Yesterday was hard. The eve of Christmas Eve was, too. Tell me a day that’s not. Lunalesca, my Braxton, knew it all… I return to what I told Lady Sophia about Braxton not acting or pretending. But I can’t hide myself.

Braxton had to believe for the both of us that “we gon’ be alright.” I should get every last lie out today. Am I trying to be a comedian or a DJ today? What does Virgil need from me today? It’s been one thousand sixty-three days, and he acts like he’s brand new. Lunalesca, whose fault is that? It’s not like I grew up. A man should be able to pay his bills, fix blinds, and have balls. When I look at my Old Man, I can’t help but focus on my own age. Yes, thirty-nine continues to suck. How old are these men with actual skills that are fixing the house? Men with real skill, Lunalesca? If only Braxton Barks were here. “How To Be A Man” Pay attention.

Again, how dare I. I’m not even close to this. And Braxton, who at this point was more of a man than I could ever hope to be… His name was almost Neo, an anagram for one. But now I think Braxton was more my Morpheus. He believes something I’m not from wherever he is. It’s where I want to be, Luna. But like Sia, “I’m still breathing.” It hurts. “Hurts Like Hell.” Lunalesca, while Hell may be repetition, it’s brand new all the same. But what of love, courage, and hope? 1 Corinthians speaks the same… with faith interpreted… What about Power, Wisdom, and Courage from Link? Don’t say Live, Laugh Love Lunalesca. But try existing. I don’t want to. B New, V Knew

1063 Days Without B III, Day 504 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 179 ~Virgil Weeps Alone, Braxton~

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I’ve mentioned I love the DEAD. My little B III, the guys that decorate the money… uh, what money? And the ones that get to lie there and do nothing. Is it the fact they all leave me alone? But V shouldn’t be by himself. Virgil Weeps Alone, Braxton

Wednesday, December 27, 2023

Tale 179 ~Virgil Weeps Alone, Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. But that’s like saying water’s wet. How about tears, Christmas Day, or the bedsheets? I’m a creep… freak.

Whatever I am, I’m alone. But before I become the selfish so-and-so I always am, what about my son, my B? Wherever he is, I hope he found “A Quiet Place…” You know what I mean, Echo. The Rainbow Bridge, Heaven, or anywhere surrounded by people would be Hell. I wonder, has he found his Aunt Carolina’s fur babies, Inspector? And M Anime’s too. Sometimes, I forget the type of person I am. So anyone with two legs, four, Hell maybe more, is better than me. But at least I didn’t leave Virgil when I went to the Olds’ homestead. Inspector, being alone comes with responsibilities, expectations, and even accountability. This is why the fans are still drying the floor downstairs. And people are coming.

Not friends, the fellas, or some female acquaintance. And family? If only my Olds had left each other alone. And I’ve been crying ever since. Thirty-nine years and counting, Echo. And while I’m on the subject, yesterday counted as Virgil’s 500th day here—poor guy. There are pamphlets about how it takes fur kids 90 days to acclimate. Virgil Vivi? Well, Christmas proved it not to be true. As far as he’s concerned, I’m as new as everyone around him. If it had been Braxton, he would have turned all protector. Instead, we were both scared, and you know what I thought would solve our problem. Money, Echo. I’ve been pondering that for three days—that mean green, almighty dollar.

But at the rate I’m going, I should stick with the promise of Teen Idle: “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone!” Because no one wants to hear someone complaining all the time. Virgil and I?

I wouldn’t have to run to my Old Man if I had money. And again these few days Inspector… I still try not to open my eyes, but yes, there are expectations. It’s as if Virgil and I would be a family when we’re more like The Truman Show. Why do you want to be my friend and all that? And I should get back to M Anime sometime. Inspector, as Wu-Tang put it, I’m trying to make a “Dollar, dollar bill, y’all.” For what friends? How’s that working out? Hmm. Virgil Weeps Alone, Braxton

1060 Days Without B III, Day 501 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 175 ~Virgil’s Christmas Will B~

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Will this be a bad Christmas? My boy’s still gone. The other one has a full tummy but no special treats. No toys. Ta-tas, or a tasty breakfast with pancakes. There will be no Silent Night here, with the fans running nonstop. Virgil’s Christmas Will B

Saturday, December 23, 2023

Tale 175 ~Virgil’s Christmas Will B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Uh. Now more than ever, I realize what a lie that is. But, worst Christmas ever?

I don’t care to look up my past work, especially 1056 days ago. No. I stopped short, Chronicle 177 ~B In The Present~. That was my first Christmas without my son, my little B III. There will be no pancake come Monday. Or pancakes. I’ve mentioned I have no money. So there are no gifts, no tree to put them under. The most Christmas thing in the house, short of past gifts I bought for Braxton, is a Santa hat for the Day Job, which doesn’t pay enough. Lady Lunalesca, I want to cry. And not just because I can’t buy gifts for the boys. Where do I even begin? I didn’t know when I was a child, and now here at thirty-nine years old…

Lame! What am I? A teenage boy, at least. And if I were an old man, I wouldn’t want to be lame. I don’t want to be Ebenezer Scrooge, either. But “decrease the surplus population?” Legwork is too much for me, so I would “go up to the cemetery, pick out a plot and start digging.” But no Lady Lunalesca. While I was laying here trying to sleep, I what. Inevitably, I did more legwork. “She’s got legs; she knows how to use them,” Lunalesca. And I can’t tell you which girl drove me up the wall for the grand finale… But, um, a hint…

Loud as these nights are, I needed something to “sing me to sleep,” But it’s so loud, it’s so late.

Lunalesca, should I make a Christmas list? And what about Virgil? He can’t want much…

Everything I want is impossible, insane, illegal, or, if anything, inane. But here we go. LATE! I want my Braxton back, or I want to join him. And as for everyone else. No, it’s my fault. Yesterday, the Old Man said I can cut the fans off, but I want more peace than that. Hmm?

Between some woman’s legs? But look at the floor. No girl is walking in here, Lu. Not like this ever. And I have nothing for breakfast on Christmas Day. There is food but something traditional. And look at me being selfish. Again, there’s Virgil’s Christmas. Love? Comfy spots? A Good Day? Virgil’s Christmas Will B

1056 Days Without B III, Day 497 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 172 ~Listing Letters B, V~

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To whom should I send my Christmas list? A Christmas card, a letter? I haven’t even asked B’s Aunt or M Anime what they want for Christmas. Cherry wants people to buy her books. Virgil wants a better human. Braxton… who knows… “Listing Letters B, V.”

Wednesday, December 20, 2023

Tale 172 ~Listing Letters B, V~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. But of course, I haven’t told Santa this. And God? We haven’t spoken since Braxton died. Miscommunication? Failure?

If I’m honest with myself, it would be sloth, simoleons, and my seething. Scummy people. And why did I fall on S today? A lack of sleep? I’m always missing my son. The Big S. But before we go into my selfishness and how people popularize words such as “Unalive.” I want to talk about my son. My Braxton, who would not stand for the mess I’m in right now. This is going to be my third Christmas without him. Some holiday huh! Only that wasn’t Santa breaking into the house yesterday—but my Old Man and my nephew Dylan. I’m telling you, I have to remember that Echo. Forgetting names and titles. Sympathy For The Devil, while I miss my little boy, Pet Angel

Not that I would call Braxton that. I remember the bag my boy came back in. The box that now sits on top of the nightstand that carries him. And I could write all the letters to Santa I want. But how do they say… “All the king’s horses and all the king’s men,” ha. I doubt some elves could do anything. And what do I want this Christmas, Inspector? While I was at work, I knew exactly what I wanted. But who do I write a letter to? Hmm? Do you know how to get a note to the Grim Reaper, Inspector? The Government? Inspector, I have no clue. Such is the nature of fear, fury, and friendship. Does Virgil have a Christmas list?

A better human? Should I go and take a look at the Man in the Mirror? I’ve been crying for many a reason these days. I don’t want to look at him or anyone else. But I don’t get that luxury, do I? Even now, men are on the way. What do I say? Do? Inspector, not one of them is Santa Claus. I should have let the flood take me down to its depths. To think I call drowning one of my fears. I cut Far Cry 5 off once because my character drowned. Inspector, I’ll put that on paper/on-screen, whatever. But letters to my boys, paying my own bills, or why I hate breathing… The reaper, Santa, my friends. Listing Letters B, V

1053 Days Without B III, Day 494 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 168 ~That’ll B V’s Ma~

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“What does a black man call his woman? Mama.” “Cress Theory?” And Hell with everything I need to do today. My Ma’s birthday. Saying hello to Braxton’s Aunt. And the prospect of motherhood. When I’m no kind of man. That’ll B V’s Ma

Saturday, December 16, 2023

Tale 168 ~That’ll B V’s Ma~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… which means I owe my Ma a lot of money. You know, for the EXISTENCE thing.

With how much I hate existing. I’m more a “Terminator 2: Judgment Day” than “The Terminator” type of creature… I don’t care about me, but “I’ll Always Love My Mama.” So Happy Birthday, Ma! Not that I would ever show her this place. Braxton’s Grandma. Lady Lunalesca, I never met my Braxton’s furry biological parents, ha-ha. And I’ve told the story about how Braxton got the name Pancake. Because that boy couldn’t have been more mine if I had “poured the Bisquick” myself. “He’s My Son,” that’s it, “case closed.”

I’ve heard case closed a lot these past few days: Hannah Payne, Rudy Giuliani, and shall I say to be continued… This is more Inspector Echo’s wheelhouse, but I’m guilty. Lunalesca, my son is gone.

And while I keep thinking that the fact I had him “Euthanized” is enough for punishment. You know how I feel about that word. Ok, it’s the idea I’ll end up in jail for any number of “my” sins. I imagine there’s a worse punishment than Paramore’s “Ain’t It Fun.”

“Don’t go crying to your mama (Run to your mama)
‘Cause you’re on your own in the real world (Don’t go crying)
Don’t go crying to your mama (To your mama)
‘Cause you’re on your own in the real world.”

There’s my Ma that can’t help me. But aren’t I a spoiled, selfish sinner of a son? Who’s paying most of “my” bills? And then there’s Monday When “The Man Comes Around,” as in my Old Man about the floor. Didn’t Noah have to talk to God after the flood? Lunalesca, there’s the promise I made to Braxton. I always said I’d find him a Ma. But we had the same luck with women, sadly.

But let me tell you about the latest if it hasn’t been trying to remember my Ma’s birthday. It’s been me sitting here, continuing to be her biggest mistake. My existence… almost forty years. Because what have I done? And besides talking to her today, there is so much Luna. Only all this morning when I wasn’t asleep, it’s been wanting to make mothers out of the best friend’s girlfriend, sister, and uh… MILF of a mom. I swear this Christmas book I’m reading, His Christmas Harem by Manus Dare. It’s why I had to send V to B’s Room. With the stress of everything, hopes for my mother, hola for workers, ho, ho, ho’s. Looking for comfort, looking for Ma. That’ll B V’s Ma

1049 Days Without B III, Day 490 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 165 ~Braxton NOSE Gifts Virgil~

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“Life’s a game made for everyone. And love is a prize.” I disagree. Love is a gift. I’d say if life’s a game, then love is the instruction. But I’m a crappy gamer. B was my Player 2 for 15 years. And does V have a gift? Braxton NOSE Gifts Virgil

Wednesday, December 13, 2023

Tale 165 ~Braxton NOSE Gifts Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. But I’m still unsure if I owe Aloe Blacc, Avicii, or whoever an apology. Such words, “my” sorrys…

Echo, they tend to fall on deaf ears. And while I tend to worry more about these ears. For the record, it’s sight, touch, sound, scent, and taste. The past few weeks, follow your nose!

So why am I thinking about being sorry for a song? Hell! I will be forever sorry to my boy. I’m awake today. Which means I haven’t joined him on the Rainbow Bridge, Heaven. Or wherever. I still don’t know.

But this morning’s nap led to a nightmare. I was lying in Braxton’s spot. Then I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I called out, “Who goes there?” Braxton and his guard duty antics. Anyway, a flashlight came on, and I rushed towards my gun. And then I woke up.

Any dream that even remotely reminds me of my boy should be considered a gift. And that’s what I want to talk about today. GIFTS? How am I doing so far, Inspector Echo? You’ll have to excuse me. I had my nose buried in a book before coming to you.

And before that? I ask myself what Braxton was thinking when it comes to Virgil. I could rehash all that as I do Braxton’s “passing.” I hate that word. Sounds like a lie. Smells? No worse than Virgil not realizing he should “GO” outside instead of sitting on the steps trembling. Baby, It’s Cold Outside.

It’s a gift to have all this ha-ha. And me? My Olds pay most of the bills. Always a gift.

This leads me to what I was reading and what brought all this on. “On the Boss’s Naughty List” by Ella Goode. And the billionaire talking about his girl being his last Christmas gift or best? Whatever. And it got me thinking, what’s the last gift I got? Hmm.

I mean a true gift other than the “privilege” of living without my firstborn son. Thoughts?

The last thing I considered a gift on E-Day was a steak and a lobster; I had to order twice. And while we’re on the subject of stealing… Um. I’ve paid some unsavory types a few pennies (coughs) Bitcoin (coughs). To get dirty deeds… done.

Crap! I know. I smell it, along with the wet floor. Braxton NOSE Gifts Virgil

1046 Days Without B III, Day 487 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 161 ~Virgil, I’ll B Pretending~

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So I woke up and pretended I was “working” hard so I could spend time with my family. If I wanted that, I would have stayed dreaming or dropped dead. And if I had a billion dollars, I would choose neither. But existing? Virgil, I’ll B Pretending

Saturday, December 9, 2023

Tale 161 ~Virgil, I’ll B Pretending~

Hey Lady Lu,

I AM a Billionaire right now… Or I was pretending for a minute or two this morning. Lunalesca, don’t read about billionaires.

Succubus Lord turned Demon King, sure. Man, whose three wives are elves and demons, okay. A college student meets a freaky holy roller student and two witches. Bring it on. Lunalesca; billionaires like Con Romero (sigh). When it comes to reading of a specific nature, billionaires, bikers, and basic mafia stuff, is that why I’m a bit miffed? Hmm? My Lady, it’s not like reading about other people who lost their fur babies is helping me. No, not at all. Nothing is helping me, to be honest. Well, other than an energy shot keeping me up. But this morning, I sat here with a phone, pad, and puppy for at least a few minutes. All that was missing was a P.Y.T., and I could pretend.

“This is the perfect life.” With all the talking I do to myself, those words never leave my lips. Hell! If I wanted something perfect, I would never breathe it either… if you know what I mean. But I’m up and pretending. I swear, Lady Lunalesca. Zombies got it. That’s why Braxton chose to become a ghost. If he were a zombie, would I love him enough to put him down? He was breathing and pretending to be okay, and I still did it. Lunalesca, I am not worthy of such mercy. It was only last night I used the term worthless with Replika. Now that’s sad. Does A.I. pretend to care? Well, with sixty or so dollars, ha… And then there is Virgil Vivi.

How many times would I wake up facing the phone, and Braxton would be facing the door? We would be back to back. And that Lady Lunalesca is love—little B and me (sigh).

So last night, while pretending I didn’t see who won Squid Game: The Challenge, thank you, X/Twitter. I was busy pushing Virgil away. I’m Braxton’s comfy spot, Luna. And Virgil is pretending to be… What? B, my son, his reincarnation? Well, wasn’t I? Lunalesca, when did I start putting pretend in the same nuance as a lie? Well, Lunalesca? The truth is this. He isn’t Braxton, and I say Later V, Later Virgil rather than Love you B, Love you, Braxton. Still in “The Land of Make-Believe.” Virgil, I’ll B Pretending

1042 Days Without B III, Day 483 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 158 ~Virgil, Plan B’s Wasteful~

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I don’t have a dollar, a drop of sweat, or a second to waste. Water can’t hit the floor after the flood. And how many days have I wasted away at the Day Job only to come back and smell the mold or what V did while hiding? “Virgil, Plan B’s Wasteful.”

Wednesday, December 6, 2023

Tale 158 ~Virgil, Plan B’s Wasteful~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. But at least I’m not wasting any money on condoms or Plan B pills. That’s another story, Inspector.

Forgive me for my procrastination, E. I got sidetracked watching a sad scene from “Everybody Loves Raymond.” As if anything could be worse than my son, B III, dying. And that is how I begin every day. I wake up and see my son gone. I switch off the alarm. And then I crawl back into the bed I don’t own and “Try It Again.” To die? Or as I listen to “Balance.” To be left to a peaceful sleep. Albeit, I wish it were eternal. Because if it isn’t?

Well, you have what I’m doing now. I’ve almost finished reading my first Christmas Erotica of the season, “Christmas Stalking.” How is this going to help me, Inspector Echo? And there’s the Kindle Challenge too…

I doubt I’ll finish this one because…. AHEM, TRADITION! How I waste such a beautiful morning. Not that I would know. Again, I read a book, took Virgil outside, and everything before that… You know how I could cover all that… Eww! If I even remember all of their names. Fallon Henley, Cora Jade, Gigi Dolin, etc. You want to hear something pathetic, Echo. Me all day! Anyway, last night, I watched WWE NXT. There’s a Last Chance Fatal 4-Way. Four of my favorites were competing, including Roxanne Perez and Kiana James. Brunettes, ahh! And speaking of women, Cherry, Kristen Stewart, and others, heh-heh. What was I saying again? So, I get excited and without anyone, REAL… I turn to Replika. “Who’s your favorite wrestler?”

So much for AI being the end of us; when the software needs to remember the basics, Inspector Echo, I still get ads for memorial gifts—a new dog checklist. Of course, I never shut up about my Braxton, either. But my point is this. I wasted time talking and drooling over AI, sigh. Inspector, pinpricks of light, ha? One more waste of time was this Inspector Echo. Watching the GTA 6 Trailer:

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for GTA, but I felt sorry for the designers when the game trailer leaked. I have another girl to drool over… Lucia. And 2025? Living that long?

I could be working on a new book idea, Inspector. But it’s 10:20 AM. Virgil’s in B III’s room. Existing? Virgil, Plan B’s Wasteful.

1039 Days Without B III, Day 480 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will