Saga 350 ~V’s For Voting, Braxton~

No ballots to read… yet. Even if there were, I’d read about dead fur babies or how much it will cost to see a chick’s nice big… Uh. I open my eyes, and I have a mini-election. Do I get up or stay down? Cry over B or let V out. V’s For Voting, Braxton

Friday, June 16, 2023

Saga 350 ~V’s For Voting, Braxton~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m voting for me and mine. That is to say, Braxton. Blacks, Browns, for Trump…

Fictionally. I don’t have a billion bucks. But if I did… I’m all for that paper. “Cash Rules Everything Around Me. C.R.E.A.M., get the money. Dollar, dollar bill y’all.” B and I are both for a strong border, like keeping people and dogs away from us. The only illegals here were the stupid. And we were both rooting for the Sith, the Empire, Yes, Star Wars. But in reality, “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man.” And, This Is America, ok. I voted for Biden and Democrats pretty much across the board. Ah, the politics of today. I didn’t mean to get all political today, but when I woke up with V here… Uh? “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem; it’s me.”

Braxton or Virgil? It would be Braxton without question at this moment and everyone hereafter. Again Virgil is here now, and no harm will come to him. I’m trying, Sophia. Though if today I was looking at the ballot to bring back B, stay with V, or join B dead… Existence or Life? Again I couldn’t tell you what it means to be alive. I still try doing Balance’s meditation. And the simple act of taking a breath is a challenge in and out, ha. Pain or pleasure? Sticking with the whole in-and-out motif. I woke up this morning feeling decent physically. But that’s until I felt a nugget of earwax in my left ear, so I’ll worry all day. Better to look at boobs…

Crime or cash? Aren’t they one and the same? But in this sense. Will I dole out more money to imagine some girl’s boobs… uh yeah, imagine… And what was I doing last night, hmm? Or will I do anything to make some bucks in a legit way? Well, I’m already late getting up, and that’s because, um… The Pic Phenomenon. And next week is going to be effed up. Stay in bed or go out to get food? I would choose the bed, as my stomach doesn’t guide me. No! I need to power my devices. More porn and more print. Kindle Challenge? Horrible. But I vote to keep going, much like Virgil. Why? “Now that the world isn’t ending.” V’s For Voting, Braxton

866 Days Without B III, Day 307 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 346 ~Travel Far Enough, Meet Yourself~

Even if I’m getting somewhere… Doubtful. It’s a circle. And what does that mean for poor Virgil? I can see myself in the mirror a hundred times and never like who I am. Am I sick, a sinner, or STUPID. “Travel Far Enough, Meet Yourself”

Monday, June 12, 2023

Saga 346 ~Travel Far Enough, Meet Yourself~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. And considering the selfishness, sin, and downright stupidity… I still can’t wait to meet me one day.

Because at the moment, that looks like that will be in Heaven. Or wherever B III has gone off to. As the song goes, “Because it’s not quite paradise. But it sure feels like home.” That was me and B. I’m starting to think he communicates through music every morning. What is he trying to tell me now? Can I even hear at all? Being honest. My bum ear, hmm. I should have paid more attention to those books on animal communication. And the afterlife. Only first, it was my grief. Then somewhere in the middle, there was the afterlife. And for better or worse. There is the possibility of Braxton’s resurrection. But his ashes? These days I am even more tempted to join him.

Only he wouldn’t want that. Right? If anything, I hope he’s fighting with me. Surviving. My boy lent me his strength when he lay dying. Madam, I want to. Tomorrow? Madam, I would have chosen yesterday, the day before. Hell! A week from now. Braxton? “Brotherhood, strength, and fortitude…in the face of the angry night.” That’s from the game “Resistance: Fall of Man.” So how’d I know that line from a game I never owned? And after last night, when all I wanted was to sleep. And I stayed awake through Balance’s Deep Sleep meditation. Uh, trust the science. Am I becoming a MAGA moron? “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain….” You see, I want money…

Lots and lots of money. But I swear if I knew, I’d become some Republican stooge, or I would make someone feel the fear my father instilled in me. Or I would know such hate. Well, “If anything, I am an equal opportunity misanthropist.” You have The Gargoyle to thank for that one. Yet another reason I miss Braxton so damn much, Madam. Is that what I meant when I said Virgil wasn’t helping? To have that feeling again. Being the man, the dad that I once was. Yet he was jumping around like crazy. Not in pain. Feared the storm. And here I was, ignoring him, insipid and indifferent. Why’d Braxton die again? “Will It Go Round in Circles?” Travel Far Enough, Meet Yourself

862 Days Without B III, Day 303 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 344 ~Virgil Learns B Rules~

There are rules I’ve forgotten. I would go to Petsmart every Saturday looking for Braxton, and I got Virgil now… Somebody should tell Pizza Hut it’s a general rule not to poison people. And doesn’t the law apply to the GOP? Virgil Learns B Rules

Saturday, June 10, 2023

Saga 344 ~Virgil Learns B Rules~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how. I ain’t that smart. I don’t want to be a GOP grifter. I would…

But the point is this. I don’t want to. And at least I own up to it. Evil, wicked, depraved. No? If anything, I’m only a man who stood in the kitchen yesterday thinking of rules, Lady Lunalesca. Why don’t I think about the yearlong list I made that I don’t follow? I could blame being “Down With The Sickness” for three days. Am I ok now, Lady Lu, hmm? Don’t count your chickens… And I could go for some waffles right now. But budgeting? We’ll get to that. Here’s something on rules, though. The rules I bend… break… effing throw under the bus. These are rules I don’t intend to hurt anybody with. Pain, Lunalesca. With my knowledge, I don’t want to do that.

Ironic that I’m a sadist. Hardcore hurt and humiliation always get me hot and horny. Lunalesca, do whatever you want but don’t hurt anyone. Unless it’s safe, sane, and consensual. Do you remember when I was all into BDSM? I still am but this sickness. Lunalesca, I think, in a way, it’s a gift from Braxton. That’s not in the rules when you lose a fur baby. But when were Braxton and I ever for rules? And three days? Stomach pain? Lunalesca, I know I have been pretty effed over the rules I’ve broken. However, I haven’t worried at all in the past few days. I’ve been busy with my head in a toilet and holding “my” stomach. Didn’t I say Virgil hasn’t been helping?

Again that’s pretty mean of me. Hell! I put him at the foot of the bed instead of my side. Yet I can be worse. That is if I were a card-carrying member of the GOP. Be a racist, homophobic Nazi all you like. Only don’t be in charge. Yeah, right, Lady Lunalesca, ha. You know my views on charity. I think it’s dumb that I’m asked to give when you have people with billions. That could alleviate every problem I should contribute towards. Lunalesca, I should not base my giving as though I’m living a Street Blowjobs episode. And I should respect my budget. And what Braxton and Virgil need. Plus, I’m healing… So, I’m hungry. There’s Virgil to raise. Virgil Learns B Rules

860 Days Without B III, Day 301 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 343 ~B Steps Closer Virgil~

Every day I’m closer to B, but as the song goes, “I’m dying slow, but the devil tryna rush me. See, I’m a fool for pain…” If B were here, we’d both be sick. He’d still be trying to care for me. Didn’t share with V. He’s lucky? “B Steps Closer Virgil”

Friday, June 9, 2023

Saga 343 ~B Steps Closer Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. What can I tell you about pain? Besides bringing Braxton back and wasting time with porn…

PAIN! As I lay here last night in “my” pain, Lady Sophia. Should I even say that? I mean, I know where the pain is from. FUCK YOU, PIZZA HUT! Anyway, it’s my fault, Sophia. Or should I blame whichever book it was from the Succubus Lord series? Eight maybe. Lady Sophia, it was Eric Vall’s description of Buffalo Chicken Pizza. I was escaping my Comfort Zone. And now? Um, well, now, I’ve been in bed for three days, and it wasn’t my choice. I have people all up in my business because I’m sick. I’m tired as all Hell because I don’t want to be awake. So, I’m not downing energy shots. And I see Virgil isn’t helping anything. That’s not fair, but none of this is fair. Only…

Again I was lying here wanting to die from all the abdominal pain, and I started to think about Braxton. I’ve told you that story before, haven’t I? When I think of pain, there’s B. His death is the greatest pain I have ever known. Singing “Nothing Compares 2 U.” Braxton was going blind, but I hope his ears were okay or maybe not… whatever. Becoming even more of a selfish bastard seems to be a goal of my existence. I’m still looking for that billion bucks from somewhere. Philip Pullman is worth millions. Right? Now he knew something about pain with Lyra and Will’s love. How about their Dæmons? I should have read that series again instead of Vampire Academy… Rose and Lissa, naked…

Lady Sophia, I wouldn’t need to take a single step if I wanted to die. My steps were done when I carried Braxton to his death. Virgil to his life? That Buffalo Chicken pizza. Fuck! If anything, I can just lay here and just forget the world like last night. V was in B’s room. I can fucking masturbate to all these titties until I dehydrate. Apologies for the F-bombs. It’s like I told such and such, there is a time and a place… there’s pain, and uh, penis. Um? I should shut up. It hurts too much even to be up and about. Oh! I’m sitting in bed still. Virgil needs outside time. One foot in front of the other. B Steps Closer Virgil

859 Days Without B III, Day 300 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 339 ~Fire Burns Brighter In Darkness~

“When you’re lost in the darkness, look for the light.” That was B stepping on my head most mornings. It was when dark words were lit up by my fingers… how I wish. Burning money like there’s no tomorrow… The light now? Fire Burns Brighter In Darkness

Monday, June 5, 2023

Saga 339 ~Fire Burns Brighter In Darkness~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. So am I loved, or do I love more? Am I livid? Indeed, I’m more lustful… dammit!

I do hope that I’ll be a husband someday. A daddy… of two-legged kids. But as I’ve been thinking for the longest time now. I ain’t looking for it. Hell! If only Braxton were here. How I would sing “Teen Idle” to him… “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone!” Talk about the darkness. But as long as he was here… then not being here. For all my grief, my tears. Nothing has snuffed him out yet. That’s the power of love. Fire, flames, fiery, forever. Madam, I don’t know if it’s good or bad. The way I obsess over him at 855 days. What I do know is this. I wish I had someone love me the way I love. Pushing Virgil Vivi away sometimes…

But I’m not livid at him. Let me be clear. Virgil has done nothing wrong. But this is Hell, Madam. I wake up in Hell every single solitary sinful day. Is this how Republicans feel? When I open my eyes, I’m immediately mad at a black person (me). The environment’s a mess. V does whatever is his nature, but do I care? And I hate everyone that’s not me; how I miss my son (sigh). You don’t know how easy it is to let the darkness overwhelm, consume, and devour me. While at Jack’s a few days ago, my foot slipped off the brakes, Madam. The car started to roll, and the cashier “got smart” with me. The rest of the day, I raged, Madam.

But is lust any better? What have I been doing every night? There is all the work I should be doing. And if one could earn a degree in porn… Hell! I’d be Doctor Longstroke. Pornography is my sin of choice. People drink to warm up, as it were. There’s violence, Madam. Being an American, I know what that means… Guns, guns, GUNS! But me. Madam, I prefer warm bodies. No! Hot as Hell! Burning desires, my pornographic passions. And once they have been sated? The cold, like this morning. What tits got me off? Now this mind is blank and dark. And what will light my way, Madam? FEAR! Light up, my dark soul. My boy, hope, but sin… Fire Burns Brighter In Darkness

855 Days Without B III, Day 296 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 337 ~What’s Past B, Virgil~

“What we’ve done, we’ve done.” “We evade it by moving forward with a code to never do it again.” TWD. I said I’d never be afraid again. I went to the Day Job. I’d never be a Dad again. 2V’s on the stairs. Boobs. Uh, am I awake? What’s Past B, Virgil?

Saturday, June 3, 2023

Saga 337 ~What’s Past B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Should I give up being a trillionaire? As much as I should, seeing Braxton alive again.

I can’t! Not in this existence, at least. Or, as Tupac put it, “Bury me in pieces cause they fear reincarnation.” That’s what I need today (sigh). To see Braxton’s ashes. Uh, that’s a no. I’ve said before, Lady Lunalesca. Anytime I’m afraid, awkward, or just being asinine. I need only think of my “Lost Boy,” and everything pales compared to my worst crime. It’s like when I’m meditating, and they say, focus on your breath. Lunalesca, that’s B III. Braxton wasn’t here a few minutes ago… Please! Of course, he was. Lunalesca, I know. Hell! I could hear him grumbling as I rushed around like a chicken with its head cut off ha-ha. Fear is something I can never leave in the past, Lunalesca.

And you know I’m trying, but then as the song goes, “I take a look at my enormous penis and…” Hell! I might as well bust out Sade’s “Is It a Crime?” Lunalesca? Yeah. Yesterday it was the Day Job because, of course, it is. It’s like being a little boy or back in high school and busting my balls. Pretty much The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident and The Cherry Collision. That’s my STUPIDITY —confessions for Inspector Echo, Lunalesca. FEAR makes me STUPID. Strong, Speedy, Sexual… wait? We’re not talking about my first time, are we? Sick, Savage, but Salvation bound… screaming, oh my God. Okay, I’ll stop. That’s in the past. And instead of the first or last time, I had some “relations….” Yesterday?

There was my fear. And you know how I get over that. Effing! Or at least dreaming, imagining, envisioning, so I can’t forget about The Pic Phenomenon. That’s the past? Lunalesca, try this morning. How I miss my puppy. And what about Virgil, Lady Lu?

Anyway, there are all the pictures… porno. Because I can’t make a gallery for Braxton. And I only want to show that Virgil is alive daily. Lunalesca, Pornography? Something I can’t leave in the past… My feet are still planted in the veterinarian’s office. Lunalesca, my existence should be in the past, along with Braxton’s. But here I am. I’m panicking over a smartphone, spending money, and seeing plenty of Yabbos. It’s Saturday morning. The Past? What’s Past B, Virgil?

853 Days Without B III, Day 294 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 336 ~B Leaving Ghosts Virgil~

What I “pray” for more than B’s return is a zombie apocalypse. They don’t scare me. Neither do ghosts or succubi. Dude wrote 19 books, and I can’t do one. Even when B was talking to me. Is he talking to V when I leave? B Leaving Ghosts Virgil

Friday, June 2, 2023

Saga 336 ~B Leaving Ghosts Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So I’ll hire an army of psychiatrists, pet psychics, and paranormal experts. Tell them my stories…

It’s “Times Like These,” when I find it pretty damn impossible to commit any crimes… And when I’m sitting here at the dining room table. While Virgil lies upstairs crying, Sophia. It’s when the only thing I want to do is lie in bed. And before B guards, he cuddles. Is that why I was scooting further and further away this morning? What do the holy rollers say? Save room for the Holy Spirit? I wanted room for my Braxton. Is that why I destroyed his pillow by accident? He didn’t want V to have it… But everything else, hmm? I should stop reading all these ghost stories, supernatural shenanigans. And stuff on spirits. Speaking of which, I should buy some while I’m out today.

Excuse me for making a shopping list. I continue to time travel. And today is still Memorial Day, Monday, May 29, 2023. People mourn soldiers. Oh, and if they could only see what has become of this country. I don’t intend to write something on the state of politics. I’m a black writer, but what have I been reading, Sophia? My usual fanfare, right? You know. Satan’s Sorority Girls, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes… wtf happened to Lucy Gray Baird? And yet again, I’m listening to Succubus Lord 9. A deal with Hell? Been there. AHEM! Where’s that shopping list again? Um, I need light bulbs, sugar, and dog food. Lady Sophia, I don’t plan to make Virgil a ghost soon. I killed Braxton.

I scream that inside my head so often. Why should I be surprised I can’t hear B trying to talk to me? I keep mentioning that Virgil is not his reincarnation. I know that, Sophia. Only as I was saying, I heard Virgil crying today, and between not cuddling either… Monster? I am not a good man, Sophia. And in all the horrors I’ve seen. It’s people that are the worse. Braxton and I were like Scooby and Shaggy. To Virgil, I am the villain. There’s the fact that B’s smell must cover everything even now. V sees dead doggies. Zombies? How about ghosts since Virgil cries buckets when I leave? Is B III haunting? Something good for V? Trade places B Leaving Ghosts Virgil.

852 Days Without B III, Day 293 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 332 ~ Don’t Demand Likes, Loyalty, Love~

When was the last time I demanded anything? Other than giving me “my” money back. To like me, to be loyal, and so much love. Hell! B denied he was dying forever and a day. I wish I had something like that besides… “Don’t Demand Likes, Loyalty, Love.”

Monday, May 29, 2023

Saga 332 ~ Don’t Demand Likes, Loyalty, Love~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. And like most, I only want one thing… Money! I’ve had worse days, to be honest, Madam.

Like (Cali Girl Voice), money gets you so much. Then there’s my B. Always Braxton. Madam, I’ve said I’ve had worse days, but it’s only 5:30 in the morning. I’m not crying yet, so that’s something. All out of liking, loyalty, and love. That was me and B III, Madam. I want to say I have such “nobility” these days. Bucks, Boobs, and Balls. Pants-wise. Having cash in the wallet. Boobies on my phone or as Wheeler Walker, Jr. illustrates. “Pictures On My Phone.” He’s classier than me. And then there’s the courage I lack. Madam, I wish I liked myself. No! I’m somebody I’d like to punch in the face on any given day. “I got soul, but I’m not a soldier,” Madam Justice.

Loyal to no one. Today is Memorial Day. To those that died serving this country. Thank you. There was a time I thought I could do such things. Being a sailor? It wasn’t for me. Neither was being a son. You would think I’d show some loyalty to my Olds. But again, I would destroy their creation… me, even if I cared to exist. What could I do for them? How about being a loyal suitor? The way I would like to… I would have to be a billionaire. At best, I adore women. I lust, crave, and desire. But there is a word, Obsession. That would define what I’m doing this morning besides talking to you, Madam. Loyal to my dick. The Pic Phenomenon.

“Love Don’t Cost a Thing.” As I was telling someone yesterday. I ain’t looking for it anymore. Am I lying? I could cuddle up beside Virgil right now if I wanted. Only I let him take the center of the bed because I don’t want to be bothered moving him. I’ll keep him safe, but as Tina Turner put it, “What’s Love Got to Do with It.” My dear Madam. Today if I were to tell you all my thoughts on love. Well, who has that kind of time? Hmm. I could sum up such feelings as a Christian might. God is love. Always and forever. Braxton is love. Liked/likes me, was/is loyal, and love… Never demanded, deserved. But daddy. Don’t Demand Likes, Loyalty, Love

848 Days Without B III, Day 289 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 330 ~B A Second, Virgil~

Second place, second-class, second rate… Um, give me a second to explain. Do I? What have I told Virgil? How many seconds have I saved, spent, and squandered? Even when I go out to make sure there’s food. Well, V can expect seconds B A Second, Virgil

Saturday, May 27, 2023

Saga 330 ~B A Second, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means I have all the time in the world. I want it all, Lady Lunalesca.

Well, in more ways than one. I mean, I can always go to my GOP ideology… I want it all. But what about the Dems and/or Liberals? Biden’s not my first, second, or third choice. Why am I so political this morning, Lady Lunalesca? The first choice hurts too much. Braxton? He’s always looking out for me, even now. Of course, you know what my second choice was after Braxton. Should V consider himself lucky nowadays? Um, to be honest… He and Braxton… AHEM “Poor Unfortunate Souls.” Because to be the center of my attention? I swear, anything that is my first choice. “You Always Hurt The One You Love.” Braxton, Boobies, the boy? I wake up failing Braxton; been looking at boobs. Virgil’s here.

Then again, he might be second, Lunalesca. I found another fur baby before a female. Lunalesca, I don’t mean to sound like some Incel. I read something about calling women females. Everyone needs a second for everything we dictate, do, um, diddle. It seems. Ha! Not that I’m thinking about those last two incidents. I’m still imagining “The Pic Phenomenon.” Man will always choose darkness over any light. Artistic quality. Lunalesca, there is plenty of light even in the dark. But Braxton was/is my light. Lunalesca, I’ve always hated those types that have to be affected by something to see reason. Like a man having a woman to see other women as such. Second-class, never! How about putting “God’s words” above one little voice? Hmm!

Whether you’re Bangin’ on a Trash Can or trying to Think Big. Doug, Lady Lunalesca. Hell! I always have a second for some dumb pop culture reference. That’s another thing. Why must everything be second to someone else? My reasons to become a billionaire, Lu. Because only then will I have the right to be first; I feel To live instead of exist. As always, I feel like that little boy playing Mario Kart with the neighbor kid, demanding second. Now I don’t mean the food. I mean the place. Because if I were ever to get first in racing… Braxton and I were boobs. We were a beautiful pair. Damn, near perfect! Equal. Loved. Need a second? Braxton, you, Virgil. B A Second, Virgil.

846 Days Without B III, Day 287 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 329 ~Braxton Kills Bill, Virgil…~

Can you hear me now? Good. Those commercials, hmm? I’m lucky to hear anything besides, “That will be $175.00.” Then my ear would get slammed like an episode of Family Guy. Me and my big mouth and massive bills. “Braxton Kills Bill, Virgil…”

Friday, May 26, 2023

Saga 329 ~Braxton Kills Bill, Virgil…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so bills? What bills? All the ones I paid for Braxton? The man? Oh yeah, duck…

Bill. As in, I would never shut up? Unless I was doing something else like this morning. I failed once again. And after such a “productive” moment. At least it didn’t lead to a bill. I swear that morning, Friday, January 29, 2021. I would only be paying for a few more meds. I figured. I already had the story in my head… an upset stomach, hardhead B. “As I was saying, I don’t want to read my Dæmon’s vet bill.” That’s from “Gospel 212 ~On The “Will” Succubus~.” Is it strange that I’m listening to Succubus Lord 8 yet again? Sophia, I’m also reading another Eric Vall novel, Satan’s Sorority Girls. The things I hear. That is to say, with what I did today.

Besides playing a porno in my head with two English roses, I mean. Hell! I was into those two before Eric Vall started talking about one of his chicks. But ok, Sophia, the good news. So this morning, I was getting all spiffy about to head to the urgent care clinic about my bum ear. -cost, the lack of actual “caring,” and the worse customer service. I know you’re not Yelp. Anyway, besides B III, the story of my existence is FEAR. So I’m rutting about in my ear, and voilà. This big chunk of ear wax comes popping out, and suddenly water. I could hear the water in the sink gushing for the first time in days. It didn’t make me burst into tears.

Hell! Sophia, I’ve said I would take any physical pain over my mental anguish. Haven’t I languished over The Pic Phenomenon from Thursday, May 18, 2023, my Lady? But once that effing thing got out of my ear, it’s like even that disappeared. Standing there, I heard everything I needed to hear. “We gon’ be alright,” Lady Sophia. Now, I wish I could believe that. I saved $175.00. I didn’t hear the words sick, starving, or sleep. As much as I want to “sleep forever.” Trust me, Sophia; I have said much worse. So Braxton would have if Bill had to come back. Or upon seeing the payment to put him to sleep. No price is too high. Virgil lives. Always. Braxton Kills Bill, Virgil…

845 Days Without B III, Day 286 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will