Tag: B

Saga 365 ~Virgil, These Endings B…~

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Why aren’t I a billionaire yet… A millionaire, at least? It’s because I write like this after six years. It’s getting worse. “Lessons, Episodes, Logs, Gospels, Chronicles, Sagas,” what’s next, hmm. I don’t know. But tomorrow. “Virgil, These Endings B

Saturday, July 1, 2023

Saga 365 ~Virgil, These Endings B…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now because that’s the way my existence… No. My life is supposed to end. Discovered immortality yet…

If I had Lady Lunalesca, I would have given it to my son. Well, enough of it because at the end of the day, “Who Wants To Live Forever?” Hell! I’d have said goodbye, Lunalesca. And that was last night. Anyway, back to my “point.” I would have given Braxton enough so that we would have gone together. The good death, as they say, and a perfect victory Lu. It even beats out what Tyrion said “Belly full of wine, girl’s mouth around my cock. But of course, we never saw him die, so we don’t know. And you would think I’d be better at this “last words thing” after reading “Looking for Alaska.” It’s only “The Closing Of The Year. How many is that…

Lesson, Episode, Log, Gospel, Chronicle, Saga. So six years? Yep, what a waste, Dear Lu. And all because my “friendship” ended with the Basic Bitch? I don’t know anymore, ha. I’m not going back to read all that, either. Funny how I expect other people to want to at all. And no, that’s not me complaining like on TIBU. Do you remember that? This Is By Us? If I could do it all over again… Hell! I have too much to do today. Ending existence… I’ve said before my aunt had me all wrong about me wanting to destroy everything. Lunalesca, ask me why I dream of an apocalypse, then. “Whoever saves one life saves the world entire.” Schindler’s List, the Talmud, Pop Culture Whore.

“That’s Me!” that’s from Ask Ashley. “I’ll miss the start as long as I’m here at the end.” That’s from the movie Troy. And “all of it. It’s all true.” I’ve saved a life… As effed up as I am, I’m still here. And while this is the end of another “writing” year. Still breathing. And with these breaths, what do I have to say for myself? Well, other than yelling at Virgil to show some courage. As always, he is not my son. Now that’s a last word Lunalesca. Braxton. To say my son’s name. Now that’s a fitting end, Lu. To take a life is to destroy the world entire. Better worlds… never, other, alternative. Words to speak before… Virgil, These Endings B…

881 Days Without B III, Day 322 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 363 ~Virgil, We’ll B Free~

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If I wanted freedom, I’d have followed my son. I wish there had been a button… Something like Sonia Levitin’s “The Cure.” To be recycled with my twin, brother, best friend, and kid. When he was free, I asked what have I become? “Virgil, We’ll B Free”

Thursday, June 29, 2023

Saga 363 ~Virgil, We’ll B Free~

879 Days Without B III, Day 320 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know me. “It’s “Times Like These,” I want to wrap around you and sleep.

Fucking Hell! Pardon my language, Little B. It’s… well, I won’t say funny or fine. Nowhere near. So yeah FUCK is the correct word. It’s fucked up that I held you that Wednesday afternoon and fell asleep. Then on Sunday, January 31, 2021, I held you as you died. People would say you were euthanized. Put to sleep. I, with veterinarians, set you free. Talk about something I’m never going to let go. The moment I freed myself from the bed is the moment I… Again Baby B, I don’t know what to say. You’re not a burden, ever. Braxton, it’s like the holy rollers say, you know. Pick up your cross and follow Jesus. “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” You’re way better.

Only that doesn’t stop me now. Does it? You know what I mean. When you were locked in your room because you did wrong. Or when I was in the shower in the morning. Getting it all out of my system is better because that’s the only alone time I would get. Right? After the Day Job, I’d be way too tired. And you’d get pissed if I showered at night B III. Hell! I was going to the movies, and sometimes I would even bring your Aunt. Speaking of which, you should go check on her and bring her lost fur babies. If you’ve met…, she’s having a hard time. It’s freedom she doesn’t want to have. Free of love… That can’t be, B.

This brings me back to you. I can be free of my grief and still love you… It’s like I’m Brooks Hatlen. I’m free, but I don’t know how to start over. Will was here, then what? Fucking porn addict! Like I wasn’t before? But with Virgil afraid to leave your room. And didn’t I mention how long I stay in bed? Even now, time travel. Monday, June 26, 2023. Little B, the fucking Day Job, man! That’s something I’ll never be free of; I’m afraid to say B. Institutionalized. A strange way to say employed. Euthanized? Spell “Freed” Braxton. Wasn’t writing going to do that? How about finding Virgil? Big ole’ titties? I’m hopeless! My freedom was keeping you. Now? Virgil, We’ll B Free

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 358 ~B’s Accomplish Much Virgil~

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Busy as a bee? How I’d have killed for a B back in school. Hell! A D was good enough to not get my behind whipped by my father; his birthday is today. So I’ll be busy with one text. And then there was my son Braxton. “B’s Accomplish Much Virgil”

Saturday, June 24, 2023

Saga 358 ~B’s Accomplish Much Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’ve… Um, excuse me, my employees accomplish much. What am I good at, Lunalesca?

Well, considering I should have been up at 4:00 AM. I was awake near 7:00 AM. Virgil, or more so Braxton, should go out at 8:00 AM. And it’s now 8:15 AM… excuse me, Lunalesca. Okay, I’m back. As the song goes, “Welcome to My Life.” Well, my existence, Lunalesca. That’s another one for my B III playlist. Such are my accomplishments, like life goals. Everything I want is inane, insane, impossible, or illegal (possibly). And now add imaginary too. But seeing how I’ve gotten out of bed… (Slow clap) … Busy as a bee, I am not, Lady Lunalesca. But if you told me, I could have my son back? Or there are boobies. Again, why was I up so late and then awake?

As much as I pride myself on being one of those who prescribes to STAY WOKE. What has that accomplished? Evil prevails when good men do nothing. But the truth is evil prevails. I got that from Lord of War. And while I’m going on about movies. Yeah, like that’s an accomplishment, going on about film quotes. Like, be good? And if you can’t be good, don’t get caught. That is something out of The 5th Wave, Lunalesca. I believe. You’re wondering what brought all of this on today. Can you let me know, Lunalesca? Yesterday I was talking about all these people on social media. Accomplishing life itself. And then there are the people I know. There’s Virgil up in Braxton’s room. He’s scared.

Like me? Hell! To put one foot in front of the other? Will he take a step outside? And it’s not like coming back in is any better. And he’s all fidgety and itchy. He is not my son, Lu. But is that something I should endeavor to do? Could I love 2V as I love B III every day? It’s been 315 days, Lunalesca. Love can’t tell time. And that’s from Our Family Wedding. Did I have to mention something like that after everything I learned this week? Can’t I focus on my thumbnail, and I don’t mean my picture? The Pic Phenomenon? Lunalesca, can I not be sick… get some sleep and not sin? Busy B, a grade B? B’s Accomplish Much Virgil

874 Days Without B III, Day 315 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 356 ~What’s Past B, 2V~

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“All These Things That I’ve Done?” Six Impossible Things? Name them, Willy. I wonder how I put one foot in front of the other past Sunday, January 6, 2021. I “saved” V. If only he could talk. And Braxton? What would he answer? What’s Past B, 2V?

Thursday, June 22, 2023

Saga 356 ~What’s Past B, 2V~

872 Days Without B III, Day 313 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing as how we’re talking today. Wednesday, June 21, 2023, and not tomorrow. The shame…

For what I did to you, B III. Or is it for that Sesame Street title? Uh, with everything I have been writing these days… It’s always the fact that I miss you. And no B III, I won’t go all; “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” What about the “every day was a wonderful gift from God speech?” But yes, today is brought to you by the letter B. As in “my boy.” Oh, and here’s one more pop culture idea. “I’m damn proud you’re my boy.” I’ve woken up for 872 days. And I can’t name any other accomplishment. But to be your daddy? What else is there? A million bucks! Or a billion? And to share it with you, Braxton?

Like your aunt’s boobs; come on now, Braxton, we both know we were going there. Hell! You were buried in her boobs whenever Carolina came over —or stared up at them. Or you were asleep in her lap, dreaming about said boobs. And why did it take me so long to get out of bed after our afternoon nap? Yeah, I was being a meanie as I saved you space. Virgil had to sleep at the foot of the bed as I thought you’d jump into bed. I always hope. I hope I don’t fantasize about that brunette in the white dress during meditation. Then there’s spending money on new boobs. Her eyes are up here. My wallet is down there. I’m a bad man.

But what comes after being bad? I’m sorry to say but indifference. B III, for a long time, that’s all I had left with this existence. I could never hate you but with everyone else? Know that you were my good in the world. And I should have appreciated you more while you were still here. Virgil is trying his best. Sometimes I find him on the stairs waiting for me, only like today. If it meant anything, I brought a pillow downstairs to the dining room table where we’re talking. So, what will I do afterward, B? Wednesday? The day, not the girl. I need a new book that’s not about dead fur babies. Can’t write A, B, C’s to save my life but reading… What’s Past B, 2V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 349 ~To B Forever Virgil~

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Forever… Well, 865 days and counting. I should feel grateful for days like this, though. The worse I feel, maybe, just maybe, I’m closer to my son. V ain’t B, I keep saying. But to be a Dad again, I got to dig down deep. But V? “To B Forever Virgil.”

Thursday, June 15, 2023

Saga 349 ~To B Forever Virgil~

865 Days Without B III, Day 306 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? The fact that I’m talking to you today, you know. “Who Wants to Live Forever?”

I swear. I need to make a playlist of all the songs you send. I think. Whatever. But today B… After a nap, that was way too long. This is what I was thinking about. And you know how I’ve felt these days. Either it’s my stomach. I’m taking too many pills. And my ear. It’s easier to hear you than Virgil; I’m afraid to say. It’s effed up he had a better chance when I thought he was you. Your dad is not a good human. I’m sorry, Braxton. I’m still trying. You would sit here on many Sundays when I’d make a list of things. I should check. Gospel 214 ~ Will’s “Dæmon” Day Afternoon~. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves.

Failed! Talk about something that will last forever. Or from 2017 to 2023. So six years Lesson 001 ~Look Who Grossed Up~ on Sunday, July 02, 2017. Existence wasted, Braxton. Mine, not yours. Because every single day… well, there was the time I figured you’d end up in my sister’s purse. Your first two-legged mother. Hell! The last time I talked to her, I brought up Virgil. I was talking to one of my nephews anyway. He wasn’t fond of Virgil. But what about me again? I am trying, Braxton. I’m alive; you still exist. But is it in grief or greatness? Maybe once I’ve completed time-traveling. Scheduling next week… On top of forever missing you, I’m always tired as well. Again we’re talking today.

At the moment, it’s Tuesday, June 13, 2023. And what has dear ole dad been doing for so many hours? Bucks, boobs, and bed. I wish I had your knack for comfy spots, Little B. Hakuna Matata, wherever you were. I swear I only saw you worry about forever and me. And here come the waterworks. You giving me your monster hairdryer toy. Sometimes I was sick, and you wondered if I would ever be well. And how would you be the one to take care of us? Virgil must believe I’ve been sick forever. 306 days! Braxton, your last day. You knew you were leaving; I was staying. We won’t be apart forever… But me ever seeing The Rainbow Bridge? To B Forever Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 342 ~B’s A Grade, Virgil~

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Grades? Um, I cheated on a French test. And getting out of High School? A class called “Math In Society.” But in love? How about becoming a father again, a daddy. F because B is still my favorite. D? Am I V’s dad, hmm? Thinking. “B’s A Grade, Virgil”

Thursday, June 8, 2023

Saga 342 ~B’s A Grade, Virgil~

858 Days Without B III, Day 299 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? If I had done better at school… Well, I would have a better Day Job.

So what would I like to do with my existence? How about what I would like to do with my life? Hell! As always, at this particular moment, and yes, I’m time traveling Little B. Like the song goes, “I’d Rather Be With You.” That takes me back, Braxton. Oldies? Honestly, Braxton, I’m not that old. I’m 38, while you were 76, aka 15 in human years. You were approaching 80 when I failed you. Failure? That’s one more F. If you knew me, B. Well, you did, but I mean when I was in high school. I was somewhere in my 20s when we met B. By that time, it was no secret… I feel stupid. No! I am Stupid! Um, my GPA is…

Do you want a confession? Now I’m not sure, but “1.4?” Do I want to Google that, as I have plenty today? It was Twitter that brought this on, though. “Hey Jealousy!” It’s not that, B. I appreciate black excellence. One of the few things I can be proud of liking. I’m too concerned with listening to the other head and my second account. Aftermath. How STUPID I became when you left. When I killed you… I’m not some Republican. Braxton, I don’t hide from history. Oh yeah? Have I made your album today? Tomorrow? The future B III. If only I had known you sooner, I could call myself a Survivor. How about I call you that? I didn’t need to be a doctor.

Although there’s been plenty of breast enhancement… I swear, like I was telling M Anime today. That would be Monday, June 5, 2023, for me right now. Anyway. As I was saying, I told her that sex makes men… What’s my word? STUPID! B you were/are my son, you know. I kept you out of school as your second mom pursued her higher education (sigh). But we both knew that B is for you, B III, boobies, and the bucks I could have to save you. Now there are only the books I read. Ain’t making me smarter. There’s Bitcoin for, um… Anyway, there’s the boy Virgil. To be a father again. I’d give myself a C. That’s being pretty generous. B’s A Grade, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 335 ~The B Picture Virgil~

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If I could make any type of movie I wanted. I wish I could say it would involve zombies. What was the last horror movie I watched? What have I been looking at today? My supervillain origin story? And V’s been here almost a year. The B Picture Virgil.

Thursday, June 1, 2023

Saga 335 ~The B Picture Virgil~

851 Days Without B III, Day 292 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You can see what time it is. So how was my day? Well, I’m disgusted.

I could also say, Depressed, Disappointed, or, one of my favorites, DISCOMBOLATED. B, there’s also bereft of dollars. One more reason I’m late talking to you. Out at the movies? As if I have money to see something in theaters anyway. And there’s greatness, Braxton. Instead, you know why I feel so disgusting, dirty, and depraved. Oh, the ABCs, B. But I can’t say I’ve been reading much. I’ve started Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead. So that’s a discussion for Lady Sophia. But I don’t want to talk about you or me, not this second. And what about Virgil? Have I watched any movies with him ever? I don’t know. But what I do know is that it’s been all about (sigh). “The Pic Phenomenon.”

I swear! I need to put the days I eff up in the phone. I’m sure your last day is in there for sure. It’s like effing dominos, you know. If you hadn’t left… There wouldn’t have been The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. So The Cherry Collision wouldn’t exist either. Braxton, I’m not blaming you at all. Only anytime I’m awake, I’m thinking about you. “Crime, it’s the way I fly to you,” as the song goes. I killed my best friend. So any others? Hell! I am so ashamed. It’s like that reporter in “Hotel Rwanda.” Wow! What a jump, huh, Braxton? I do miss watching movies with you and your Aunt. The world made sense. I was wholesome as I could be. Now?

Again, you saw me this morning. Even Virgil was hiding in your room —criminal ideas. Of course, I had them when you were here, no doubt. Only back then it was; B needs me today. And speaking of today, it would be punishment for what I have done to you. There’s everyone else… What do you want a list? Despite what they said back in school, I never made one of “those” lists, B III. And even today, it was only a dollar or bitcoin. Yeah. I remember saying if you’re going into Bitcoin and making temporary emails B III. I’m not being a Law Abiding Citizen. That’s three movies, three crimes, and my existence. Tragedy, comedy. Us, a love story. The B Picture Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 328 ~Troubles To B, Virgil~

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I should go to confession. I’m not as bad as the Catholics. Who am I to judge? I’ve got all my sins, which B would hear about. The worse would be in my sleep. If I do talk in my sleep. But awake and scared now. “Troubles To B, Virgil.”

Thursday, May 25, 2023

Saga 328 ~Troubles To B, Virgil~

844 Days Without B III, Day 285 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I have been awake all day. Both the Day Job and Time Travel. Why Daddy?

That was the last question you ever asked me. I know it’s stolen from Angel “A Hole In The World.” And can we not talk about stealing today? I was so close to paying. Criminality? Even now, I can see the look you would give me. That “Are you serious, Dad” vibe. As serious as when I watched you die. And I heard you, “Please, Daddy. Why can’t I stay?” Anytime I get sick to my stomach over the crimes I commit. I remember you. “I killed you.” Either nobody believes me, or they don’t give a damn. As Coriolanus Snow put it, “At the moment, anonymity was a condition greatly to be desired.” That explains why I’m here today. Hoping I can hide, Braxton…

More to the point, my troubles couldn’t find me as I lay here as the song goes. “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” No! Braxton, you had guard duty. My prince. And would that make me a fearful king? You’ll hate me for saying this, Braxton. “No, never!” I can hear you, Braxton. Your words, ha-ha, go in and out, but I am trying B III. Anyway, AHEM, short of your death and my birth, my greatest crime is… surprise, FEAR. When I was but a boy, I was sent to juvenile detention. Humans suck B, but you know that. There are more walls, bars, and guards every day of existence. For me or others, Braxton. “All Eyez on Me,” hmm?

But I’m not Tupac. And, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” The two of us were trying to play each other’s savior. To think about the weeks leading to your death, I thought, “I’m so screwed.” You know. I remember to take notes when being “REAL STUPID. “That’s how you know you fucked up.” Add Thursday, May 18, 2023, to the list. I haven’t even given it a name yet. But yet again, it involves sticking this dick in crazy. Hell! I wonder if I will be here. Always fearful. Anything else? Well, I thought the air conditioner had fucked up again. The damn filter. You know what your granddad would say, more like do. I deserve it, but not over that, I know. Sinful Stupidity. That’s my new genre. Troubles To B, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 321 ~Virgil, Will, Can’t B…~

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A bad day… um, evening to today. Over 12 hours. Not in a Daniel Porter sort of way. Think Fuel Bad Day meets Jennifer Lawrence “The Hanging Tree.” Without my B, the world is a sadder, more maddening, and “bad” place. Or it’s me? Virgil, Will, Can’t B

Thursday, May 18, 2023

Saga 321 ~Virgil, Will, Can’t B…~

837 Days Without B III, Day 278 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I don’t feel right from last night to now, Braxton. (Sigh). Existence is a bitch.

It’s sad above all else Triple B. Nowhere near Life unless we’re talking about that song “New Day.” Something you and your grandma have in common… “I want to take this time to thank you. Even though I’m doing Life.” Death appears luxurious, my friend. What the eff do I know, right? I took your Life from you. Uh, there’s V and so much more. There are books, bank accounts, boobs, and this blog. And there’s always you, Braxton Barks. You and me always and forever. But I was close to joining you. Effing books. There’s no telling what set me off in “The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes.” I haven’t read all of it, but I am trying. Honest, I don’t want to anymore.

And I’m mad about it. I mean, not about the book. But I am getting those “Stroke of Midnight” and “Blackout: A Thriller” vibes. You were here for the former. One more thing to be mad about. The only thing. You’re not here, and that’s my fault. I failed you. Braxton, what else is there to be mad about? I should focus more on you than on books. You’re not Lady Sophia, I know. But your Dad is always trying to figure out how I effed up. And, as I said, I was… Well, indifferent all day yesterday. Then, “The Hanging Tree” was on repeat for hours. “They strung up a man, they say, who murdered three.” You, me, and whoever I could be. Being a Father not included anymore…

Because I’m bad. And not in a Michael Jackson sort of way. I’m a dog-murdering scumbag. That’s harsh of me. Your grandma used that term after her sister, my aunt, was killed. But that’s neither here nor there. What? Braxton, I’m thinking of your great-granddaddy. Everything that went wrong with ME that day. Hell! What about last night? I’m late. Braxton, it’s because I was talking to your could-be stepmom. Have you seen Mr. Shadow B? M Anime lost her cat, and what did I do in my infinite wisdom? I’m ashamed of myself, Mr. B. If Virgil weren’t here, I swear. If I didn’t believe “He Lives In You.” You being you, B III. Virgil deserves to live. I can’t be dead… Sad, mad, bad? Virgil, Will, Can’t B…

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 314 ~ B’s MEASURED Words, Virgil~

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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words… Well, adults lie? And here I am, trying my hand at “adulting.” But I’m like a bully. Words. They may cost me the girl. Make V not trust me. And make me sing, I Hate Everyone. B’s MEASURED Words, Virgil.

Thursday, May 11, 2023

Saga 314 ~ B’s MEASURED Words, Virgil~

830 Days Without B III, Day 271 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Those words never change. Names and letters? Did I ever say anything to hurt you?

Of course, I did. And I’m still paying for it 823 days later. However, we are talking on Sunday, May 7, 2023. You know what that means. Sad to say, Braxton, this week is gonna suck. Not as much as most, but still. Anytime I have to breathe. Meditation Braxton, always. Well, at least for a month and some change. And you don’t like when I talk about, let’s say, shedding the mortal coil. At least I do speak to you. Talking to Virgil… freeloader, fatty. I need to stop with names like that. Hell! I’m not sure he even knows “his name.” Who am I, a slave master? And I would call you a little douche. All the time, B III. Looking it up…

Anyway, I need to talk to Virgil more. Even today, he’s been hanging out in your room all by his lonesome. Do I need more reasons to miss you? I would wear a groove in the loveseat working. I’m surprised your pillow held up as long as it did waiting, Braxton, waiting until I had all the time in the world for you? Last week it was all about your Aunt. I told you it was her birthday. The only thing she’s measuring is alcohol intake. Your dad has no such luxury. I wish I did. Only you know I’m much worse. Why V is alone. The lies we tell our children. I should have let you be a dad. You remember our walks. People…

Hell! Every footstep is heavier now. It’s like I walk a little except for, you guessed it, the Day Job. My pockets would have been fatter with everyone wanting to buy you or have you breed. Only Virgil won’t have such problems. Ball-less, barkless, except for his bawling anytime I leave. You know I was about to say “it.” Like father, like son. I’m still crying over you. But I don’t think I’ve shed any tears this Sunday. The heart, head, and balls are all heavy. Though I’d ask you to keep that last one to yourself. But your Aunt. So nice. And I continue thinking about what M Anime said. Can’t say something nice… I’ll try with Virgil, Braxton. Promise? B’s MEASURED Words, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad