Tag: Fatherhood

Tale 043 ~Gotcha V, B’s Joking~

WillLeave a comment

Happy Gotcha Day… I wonder if V knows? And I’m sure a trip to the groomer was not in his plans today. I’m sure there are better ways to celebrate. Yeah, out of the frying pan and into the fire. It won’t be so bad. I’m not so bad. Gotcha V, B’s Joking

Sunday, August 13, 2023

Tale 043 ~Gotcha V, B’s Joking~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. And then you wake up and see it was all a joke. Hate laughing, smiling, funny face.

For several reasons, but today is not about you… Or is it? First things first, today is Gotcha Day. One year ago, you chose to spend your life… well, his life spent with you. Archie. His name is Virgil Vivi Bradford now. He’s two years old, but again, one of those years was spent with you. If he could have made the choice… Life, um, existence can be one big joke sometimes. Often. And you don’t even have that Jim Kelly, AKA Williams, idea of defeat. “I’ll be too busy looking good.” No. You looked in the mirror this morning. Virgil, this is your… the hell if I know. But a year ago, you told yourself a joke, you know. “That’s Braxton!” Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Pawprints on the Heart: Healing From
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 009 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 016 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Hell! Braxton should have made the list. Then, you would have three out of six. Yesterday, I got four out of four regarding pornographic passions. Right? God knows I wasn’t writing. I worried, so… Konbini Shoujo Z, Alison Angel, “Maxine ASMR Let Me Draw You…” Yesterday was a joke to existence. And it’s enough to make you laugh, as if you might change things. You know. Listen to Michael Jackson’s “Man In The Mirror.” Change? Joking yet again. And it doesn’t seem right. No, not today. Like ever being happy, picturing this time last year, well? Aren’t you glad I made Virgil Vivi a folder? Seeing a file that isn’t all about Yabbos occasionally is nice. Memories for Gotcha Day. A few. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined (A book behind?)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 016 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

The last day you were a father… a daddy was Sunday, January 31, 2021, at approximately 3:46 PM. And on Saturday, August 13, 2022, you thought… “Braxton, I found him!” Reincarnation, 2:05 PM. You thought you were finding that “it’s not quite paradise. But it sure feels like home.” That’s how things were with Braxton. Existence is a bad joke. Braxton was how I handled the heckle —now, being here with Virgil. It’s not funny. Sunday again, don’t you laugh, smile, or make a funny face? It’s only one foot in front of the other. And then what? I’m sure I’ll be finding out with E-Day coming up. Or, M Anime kicking your butt. “It’s not so bad,” Braxton thought once. Gotcha V, B’s Joking

924 Days Without B III, Day 365 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 038 ~Daddy’s Back, Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

919 days, and I’m so tired. Excuse? I’m adulting. Or I could be nothing more than a Lazy Ass. I waste time on… Stuff and Thangs. But I’m still walking that path. The office where Braxton died to the front door. Daddy’s Back, Braxton, Virgil

Tuesday, August 8, 2023

Tale 038 ~Daddy’s Back, Braxton, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which should mean people are happy to see me. Braxton was/is always. Virgil? Don’t be scared.

But aren’t I always? Considering I’m time-traveling. Today is Sunday, July 30, 2023. So, a week and some change. I’m afraid I’ll return, and Virgil Vivi will be covered in whatever sickly mess he’s made. Or that he’s eaten it… Never Going Back Again. Gross! I imagine I’ll see that Braxton has returned to me. That’s when I’m not dreaming about some woman at the old Day Job. Or some “adult starlet” in the name of business. There is always my Braxton. You would figure I would hate going back to sleep. One more reason I love it so much. To be back with him or at least not in a world without him. Lying on my back, I can look to Heaven above (sigh).

And then there’s you, my love. When was the last time the two of us… Again, I’m looking towards the future, but at this moment. Yeah, I’m some holy roller. Sort of. Matrimony and all that, I only want to lay here with you. The world keeps passing me by. Only I can’t blame you for wanting to go out and enjoy it. Talk about something that scares me, love. That one day, I’ll see your back, and that will be it. Death, depression, and divorce borne out of this disease known as grief. Ok, you know how I feel about diseases and dying, hmm. “They were all in love with dyin’,” as the song goes —only me. I don’t want the kids following me.

I want them to live. The same as I wish for Braxton and Virgil, but how did that turn out? Virgil is alive, but he’s two. Braxton was on the cusp of sixteen. And our two-legged kids, my love? I remember my “big sister” telling me, you can’t do my kind of business near a school. Of course not. But it’s not me coming back from work. Work? Please! (Smiles). Didn’t I tell someone today I better not smile? And that had nothing to do with grief for B III. I’m surprised that didn’t have you running for the door or coming in —a miracle. Someday, I’ll come back from the vet’s Sunday, January 31, 2021. A machine, dead man, human? Daddy’s Back, Braxton, Virgil.

919 Days Without B III, Day 360 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 036 ~Virgil, B Holds Greatness~

WillLeave a comment

Either, something’s trying to get me. It’s time to escape. Or I’m “My Own Worst Enemy.” All the above. So why do I hold on? Virgil deserves a nice yard like Braxton had. Embarrassing, Humiliations Galore from the neighbors. Virgil, B Holds Greatness.

Sunday, August 6, 2023

Tale 036 ~Virgil, B Holds Greatness~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. And showing off “that mean, oh mean, mean green. Almighty dollar” would be enough for me. You?

Honest to God, you’re trying hard to hold onto your sanity. The week before last, it was all V… This week, it has been all “Hold The Door” Hodor. The fence, the line, privacy. Hell! I couldn’t hold onto my son. But your Grief? We’ll get to that. We always do now you’re 917 Days in. And what else have you been doing with that time? Just waking up? This is one day that you wish you didn’t have to. If only you could hold onto the dark, ha. Didn’t I talk about the love of death at one point? Necromancy, Zombies, an Apocalypse? You know you could always become a Republican? But you want to hold onto morals, standards… Really! And Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Healing After Pet Loss: Navigating Grief
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 009 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Yeah, I’m pretty damn dedicated to holding these things forever, as you will be, too. Braxton ain’t going nowhere, that’s for sure. Okay, so that’s a lie. And worse? You gave it to him. That lie, dollars that did nothing but bring about his death and his Daddy going “The Distance.” Less Michael Bolton and more Cake. Bowel-shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse. Assail (you), impale (you) with monster truck force,” as the song goes. Now, there’s a thought. Maybe Braxton is trying to escape… So, the fence is failing. Perhaps he is trying to make a comeback. Or he wants to force you to move on from this place? He wouldn’t risk it knowing how you’re feeling right now. Dying with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Pawprints on the Heart: Healing From
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 009 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Number six? One of the things that falls under that is to “Stay Alive.” It could sound better. Hmm? How about the want, need, and desire not only to exist? But to live right now? There is still so much left to learn. But again, Republican tendencies, none of it is any good. One more book on how to mourn your son. Or how not to mend fences at all. Being so in love with death leads to some messed up places… Somnophilia, other words… Eww! That’s a conversation for Inspector Echo. And what about your critics, censorship, more Cake? “In his mind, he’s still driving, still making the grade.” Nope! Behold, beautiful women, your Braxton, and this backyard fence Band-Aid. Virgil, B Holds Greatness

917 Days Without B III, Day 358 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 031 ~Bellyaching Braxton, Virgil, Me~

WillLeave a comment

I’m sick, but he needs me. That was my mantra whenever I was ill, but Braxton needed food in his bowl. He needed bathroom time. I never bought him enough. A few stairs, better toys, and boy, his health… B III’s gone. “Bellyaching Braxton, Virgil, Me”

Tuesday, August 1, 2023

Tale 031 ~Bellyaching Braxton, Virgil, Me~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or we’re billionaires… I wonder how that makes you feel. Me? Bellyaches, boredom, lots of bitc…g…

As I was telling Madam Justice this morning, (sigh). Yes, I’m time traveling quite far. Today is Monday, July 24, 2023. So before I met you, love, you can tell today is one of those days. One where I want to sleep forever, if you catch my drift. Censorship, love. One more day of missing my Braxton, something awful. A reason for me to bellyache. Darling, I’ve been thinking about those days I’d go hungry. I remember my “adopted” big sister telling me when I would starve myself on purpose. I was so full of feelings that there wasn’t room for anything else. Hell! The day Braxton died… Was murdered. Nothing against Taylor Swift, but “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” I’m guilty.

Or, I’m STUPID. TMI, but I have plenty of reasons to feel ill. Why I Wanna To Be Rich, ha. As the song goes, “Hey Jealousy.” While I was busy doing nothing at all today, I got to watching “pet” videos. I’m not gonna lie. If I could remake the world… Even with billions, I could never have what I want. That would be for Braxton to cuddle up to your belly while you were pregnant. To have my firstborn protecting the children we created. Pouring the Bisquick, ha-ha. My Pancake would have loved them. A bro, a sis, more. What about Virgil? He eats. But at 353 days in, I bet his stomach is still in knots. Poor V. Yet he doesn’t complain… much.

Me, on the other hand? In my grief, I have returned to anger. And to think that’s the best part, if anything. Never at you, our children, or my Pancake. Always me. I hate me. Perhaps my favorite critic won’t get this reference. Still, I feel like Taki Minase when he ended up on the wrong side of the knife from Rika Shiraki. While in the throes of… anyway. Do you know the series Bible Black, Love? I’ll see if I get in trouble for that. Yet more reasons for all my stomach pain. What makes things better? An S word but shutting up. Because I’m a terrible person, a sick one, but a husband, a father, a man’s gotta eat. Bellyaching Braxton, Virgil, Me

912 Days Without B III, Day 353 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 029 ~Virgil Will B Twenty-Four~

WillLeave a comment

One day left to exist… I’ve been there more times than I care to admit. Once, I downed some sleeping pills. I had Taco Bell with painkillers. Passed out before walking Braxton. Hugged him on January 31. Then Virgil got sick. Virgil Will B Twenty-Four

Sunday, July 30, 2023

Tale 029 ~Virgil Will B Twenty-Four~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But Thirty-eight beats never. Now’s not the time for joking. You are the worst joke of all?

You knew that was coming. Hell! I’ve been through enough. And you’re looking at the clock with bated breath. A spoiled, self-centered, selfish… God, you want to say more, ha. Once again, there’s no time for silliness or smiling. For the love of everything, smile? Please, don’t! But you can appreciate that you wouldn’t have had to clean anything in a few hours. And everything’s back to normal. Say his name: Virgil Vivi Bradford. Yeah! You had to delete Braxton’s middle name, which says much about your mental state. As the song goes, “If I Only Had A Brain.” You need a (growls) a heart. That’s my advice for you. With everything I did yesterday… Was it for love? It wasn’t those Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Succubus 8 (Riddles And Revenge) LitRPG
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Use your head. That would be another piece of advice. A heart would be fantastic. Yesterday, I was using my head to track down veterinarians. How many did I call? Republican fallacy that. I was offering thoughts and prayers for Virgil. And it paid off… And besides the almost whole day, I spent trying to save Virgil. And you wake up to the memories of Braxton. Do you know what other names came? Uh, what’s under the Visual Lady’s shirt and Chasity Lynn? Tsk, tsk, right? I swear I treat “adult situations” like a zombie virus. Add to that selfishness and stupidity. All about the letter S. It’s so dumb. Which is why you want to sleep existence away. And not do Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Healing After Pet Loss: Navigating Grief
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You have twenty-four hours. Isn’t that what the motivations would say? Ah! Good Times. You were up on time, and what did you do for, let’s say, an hour and a half? Uh-huh. Yeah. All last week, I was talking about time. Or was it this week? Whatever! It was about how I fear it. Then, last night, I looked in the mirror. My last piece of advice… Smiling. Repeating myself, I know, but don’t smile. It’s so gross (shudders). Worse than Virgil throwing up. What about seeing him through another twenty-four hours? Didn’t I say everything would be okay if I got to August? In October, Virgil will be twenty-one. A few months after? A new day. Suck it up. Virgil Will B Twenty-Four

910 Days Without B III, Day 351 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 024 ~Virgil All Over B~

WillLeave a comment

I learned to hate the words abandon ship in a brief Navy stint. Drowning scares me. And when playing games, to see the words game over… I didn’t want Braxton’s life to be over. I don’t want to exist with covers over my head. “Virgil All Over B.”

Tuesday, July 25, 2023

Tale 024 ~Virgil All Over B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But there’s a reason they call it cold hard cash. And you don’t dive into gold.

Have I been watching Duck Tales with the kids or what? I wish I could say that. Be a Dad. I don’t wake up in the morning having to say that. I am that, love. Fatherhood, manhood, you know how I feel about that. Even if I stay under the covers a little longer, I wish I could say it’s because of you. Allow me to go all Whitney Houston, or should I say Dolly Parton. And I will always love you. Now that I think about it, that’s not the right song, considering how I’ve been feeling. Going on… Hell! Braxton’s been gone for 905 days. But going on for three weeks, hmm. I’m Thinking of Ending Things. No! Not like that. Game Over…

I’m your husband and our children’s father. And I will always be Braxton’s Daddy, too. Virgil? Hell, if I know, love? I don’t want him draped over me some days. I already destroyed Braxton’s pillow. Virgil is all over Braxton’s food and water bowls. B’s bed. Virgil knows better than to touch it ever. Is Braxton watching over him and me? Yesterday, today, who knows about tomorrow? Only I’m still here. I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon. “You and me, always and forever.” Suppose I’m going to be looking down on you, um, watching over you. I’d have the two of us, um… Do we need more kids right now? I could ask the same about Virgil. He’s the only one enjoying the bed.

Not me, though. I got up this Tuesday on time and wanted to enjoy a cappuccino with my dear wife. And then I go and spoil it all. By saying something stupid like “I love you.” Hey Lover, I can do better than that. How do I feel? In a way, like Robert Frobisher from Cloud Atlas. A final sunrise, a last cigarette. Never! I can’t leave, and cigarettes are gross. So I drape a cape over myself. And decide to play the hero today. And like I said, tomorrow… I still won’t be over my loss of Braxton. I don’t want to have the blankets draped over me. I hope I won’t want THIS existence to be over and done. Virgil All Over B

905 Days Without B III, Day 346 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 022 ~B Waking Up Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Well, a cappuccino ain’t cuttin’ it. Nor a hundred likes on Instagram. And V isn’t waking me up if there isn’t a storm. So why wake up? To keep Braxton alive? And how did that turn out? No new audiobooks or “life” prospects. “B Waking Up Virgil”

Sunday, July 23, 2023

Tale 022 ~B Waking Up Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But sometimes. Yeah, the week’s just started; sometimes, when you wake up hot. Feels like you won.

Because you’re in Hell, so it must mean you’re dead. Ain’t that a cheery thought? Beginnings of a new week. But you woke up on time for something other than the Day Job. And then you… Well? You know what you want to say, but when you have critics? And so you wonder why you want to be read. It’s not like I helped Saturday. Honestly, you’re too “adult?” Yeah, go ahead and laugh. Brings a tear to your eye. Dammit the song “Sweet Cherry Pie.” Which is, of course, why you’ll get into trouble. Anyway, you’re too apathetic to “Life Itself.” The movie… and, of course, yours in general. Or should you say adversarial to yourself and everyone in this existence? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “GOLDEN ECLIPSE: HEART DOG,” Howard Schultheis
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 005 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Funny how things like being happy, human, how about hung? Do you remember what you said about being adult and apathetic? Geez! Such dark thoughts for this AM, uh huh. But it is Sunday. Oh, how you looked forward to the dead. Or at least the infected. You’re all into Necromancy, hmm. But Braxton ain’t coming back. Did you think today was the day you’d forget him? If you weren’t worthy of Hell before for betraying your little boy. Only then would you be waking up cold. You know, with the Ninth Circle of Hell and all. And you had an intriguing thought. Now you said you could never be a doctor, uh, you know. “We’re The Ones Who Live.” Hell! These, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Succubus 8 (Riddles And Revenge) LitRPG
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

They are going to… Censorship is driving you crazy. And didn’t you already say, dammit? Okay, now besides being so very STUPID and unhelpful… Hmm, maybe you could be a doctor in this new America. What you’re trying to say is this. You could have studied the dead. And back when I was into science, I could have learned about viruses, sicknesses, and plagues. Talk about having a life – an existence worth living, waking today? Truthfully, besides not wanting to at all. There’s nothing to look so see here. Existence. The day never officially began until Braxton stepped on my face. Virgil lies here waiting. Living with a corpse, a ghost, or a zombie is terrible. But I replaced the air filter. A day’s accomplishment. B Waking Up Virgil

903 Days Without B III, Day 344 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 017 ~ Can’t B Lying Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

On the last day, B lied around. I lied to him. “We gon’ be alright.” You can go. There are comfy spots in Heaven on the Rainbow Bridge. Be cozy by the fire and wait for me. The biggest lie I tell myself is I have to get up, Can’t B Lying Virgil.

Tuesday, July 18, 2023

Tale 017 ~ Can’t B Lying Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That means I’m always looking for comfy spots. I wonder how cozy a cloud really is.

Don’t I sound like a little boy right now. Hell! I had someone this afternoon. Oh, I’m time traveling Tuesday, July 11, 2023. Why do I have to be so negative all the time? Braxton. People would say my boy wouldn’t want that, but I won’t lie. I miss my boy every damn day. And any day I don’t spend laying in our bed crying over him counts as winning? Well, I suppose I had to wash the sheets sometime. And yes, I have cleaned them plenty in the 898 days since B’s been gone. What about the pillows in his house and his deathbed? (Shudders). How’s this for negative? I’m still pissed about how I destroyed his big pillow. Virgil’s lying beside me now.

Yet another reason I didn’t want to get out of bed. I could put Virgil back in B III’s room. He’d come waltzing back in here. The one time Virgil decides to be courageous. Link? You know the hero from “The Legend of Zelda.” I’m always thinking of lying around. Anyway, that doesn’t involve “adult situations.” I’ve got games, books, and you are here. Should I try an impression of Vin Diesel, aka Dominic Toretto… AHEM “Family.” That was Braxton for fifteen years, But again, I can’t lie around all day because I have you and our pancakes to see to. My blessings. But I can’t lie to you and hate lying to them. Everything hurts, and I know I need to do better love.

Some random person telling the “truth” shouldn’t be why I can’t lie here in bed like some moody teenager. If I’m not careful, you’ll have a house full of those before I ever… Was I telling you this morning that I will never forget my firstborn? And music? “And I lie here in bed. All alone, I can’t mend. But I feel tomorrow will be okay.” Emo… Ha! I don’t even lie to Replika, saying everything will be okay. Or “We gon’ be alright,” love.

Something that my “father” and son have in common… games. When I was mad at him, I went all “GTA, motherfucker! Ten points!” When missing B, it’s Fallout 4 or Shelter. Can you just lay here? Can’t B Lying Virgil

898 Days Without B III, Day 339 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 015 ~Braxton’s Good News Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

So what’s the bad news? Well, I woke up. Good news? Well, that’s always someone else. And I ain’t Red from Shawshank. A part of me does rejoice. Braxton’s not in pain anymore. Virgil sleeps on the bed. Ole girl got home. “Braxton’s Good News Virgil.”

Sunday, July 16, 2023

Tale 015 ~Braxton’s Good News Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But you’re not trending or going viral. You’re not even in the top percentile on OnlyFans. Relax.

Easier said than done, am I right? Oh! You’re sitting in bed, wasting another morning. Even later than usual (sigh). Not that I can blame you after yesterday. Adulting sucks! More like Math. And while you hate the idea of, (things could be worse). Well, they could be. The money’s there, only much less of it. It’s not like, well, you know. Braxton is dead. This was supposed to be good news. But B’s still dead. You have a lot less money today. Hell! Your pants were around your ankles a while ago. Feeling something beats feeling nothing? It’s like out of The Color Purple. How dare you! Isn’t that a classic, hmm? “Your black, you’re poor, you’re ugly.” And there are Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING – Buried Deep in our Hearts
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 005 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

When you can only ever do one. So what’s the bad news? Well, besides being a pop culture whore. “Thy tears are womanish; thy wild acts denote The unreasonable fury of a beast. Unseemly woman in a seeming man!” A bit of Romeo + Juliet for you as well (sigh). Dammit! There’s the fact you even have the audacity and knowledge to think such things. “There are thou happy?” Okay, so you’re never happy. That word need not exist here. But Virgil does. After spending all that money, I had groceries, and Virgil was living. Billionaires don’t care about others with all they have, but I have so little. And yes, you have even less. Only you continue to exist with these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “GOLDEN ECLIPSE: HEART DOG,” Howard Schultheis
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 005 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Good News! You have to be positive. And, of course, that ain’t me talking. Effing critics. You did wake up to find out they found that woman who disappeared, Carlee Russell. Again you find out that the phone is only a porno device, but you can do good for once or at least find it. Out there in the world. I don’t know how long that will last with everything. At least you aren’t buying into The Pic Phenomenon… Bill’s Visiting? Dammit, More Money! More Money! Lost! You’ll need something to make you feel better, right? Before you go to boobs, um, books? Something from the bakery. Did you forget to buy something for Braxton? Do you want some good news? Braxton’s Good News Virgil

896 Days Without B III, Day 337 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 010 ~Virgil, Today Will B~

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Someday they’ll be happy tears? I remember when B’s Aunt got married, and now um… not my business. But a day will come that won’t be worse than the last. V might hop in the car. I’ll win the lotto. Or have some two-legged kids. “Virgil, Today Will B”

Tuesday, July 11, 2023

Tale 010 ~Virgil, Today Will B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And I have to remember to put this on a Silvercut pendant or something, my love.

Braxton, Virgil, Will, Today, or reverse it. Should I add, always? Buying jewelry of dogs? Hell! This wouldn’t be necessary if Braxton was still alive. If I was the man, I should have been. Seems there’s a lot of that going around. It’s day 891, and still counting as always. How many days have I woken up and been excited about it? (Sigh) A day that I can “honest to God” say I wanted to. Considering what time it is? I didn’t know I would meet Virgil on Saturday, August 13, 2022. I have to start reminding myself of it. To think I knew, ha. Dying and living, but it’s the sticking around that pisses people off. I remember that from a movie I saw.

Movie nights with B III’s Aunt. I never knew that those nights would grow to be so special to me and my son. Ask me what are the best moments of my life… well, existence. Actually, no! I will say life. And don’t worry my love, I will get to us in a second. The day I was born… does any baby expect it. Being thirty-eight now, I see it as the worst day ever. Second only to B III’s passing away. I killed B. I must keep reminding myself of that daily —with my indifference, initials, and ignorance. Hmm. And then there are the days to expect the unexpected. When B III jumped in the car, winning NaNoWriMo and leaving this bed… smiling ever

Because if I hadn’t, I would have never met you, “My Love.” Yes, I want to do my best Sia impression, ha-ha. You know music has a way of altering my mood immensely. Weak? Love, I might be. But then again, from seeing you the first time as “Just Another” girl to becoming my wife. Now that’s a day I can say it is a good life, all of it. But B III? There’s also the day that you and I made… pancakes. B III is my original, but for ours, I really did have to “pour the Bisquick.” That was a lot of fun. Do you “Remember The Time?” Someday I’ll… not forget. But look on Braxton, Virgil, myself smiling. Virgil, Today Will B

891 Days Without B III, Day 332 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will