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Saga 242 ~To B Healthy Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Black History. I’m a black man, and “This Is America.” Thinking I can make a change. A family of my own? I don’t know my nephews. Or two half-brothers. And I was the best man I could be for Braxton. But some doggie or woman… To B Healthy Virgil.

Tuesday, February 28, 2023

Saga 242 ~To B Healthy Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means annual checkups, insurance, and staying the fuck out of Florida. But then again, Disney.

I may not have a healthy relationship with my Olds. But tradition. I want to take our kids to Disney World, Universal… Uh, what else is there again? I don’t want to think about it. Isn’t that the thing, love? I always told myself there would be time for Braxton. Living for my son; when he was the one living for me. Because what have I done for 758 Days? Existing. And yes, this is something I should be sharing with a therapist. Doggie, Wife? I should dig my hole a bit deeper. If I dare compare you, the love of my life, with Braxton. Love, my love. If it wasn’t for my firstborn, I don’t know if I could ever say I know love.

Because I didn’t go to the doctor yesterday for me. I still wake up every day not wanting to. I close my eyes with dreams to never open them again. Something else to discuss, right? Instead, I told the Doc what was going on. And she said that no, that’s not it. My sore ass. They shot me up with some antibiotics. And I got a prescription for the drugs I took after The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. A week’s worth for The Cherry Collision. I’m upset about that. What! That I got a week’s supply. Or the fact that I cared to get well. Being a husband, a father, and having the freeloader to feed. I swear I’ll stop calling Virgil Vivi that at some point. But today, love…

It’s not killing him. Been there and done that with Braxton. As for myself. Breathing. Yesterday the Doc said I need to drink more water, and I’m trying to keep it up for the week. Until I run through my course of meds anyway. B wouldn’t want this, I know. People in Hell want ice water but isn’t the Ninth Circle all ice? Treachery, Betrayal? Braxton, again, he kept me alive so that I could find you. So that I could give the love I should have been giving him to you, our family, even saving little V. But indifference? It’s what killed Braxton, and I could understand it killing me as well, for sure. It’s what I deserve. Existing living? To B Healthy Virgil

758 Days Without B III, Day 199 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 236 ~B In Business Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Well, ain’t nobody going to be calling me Cupid anytime soon. And as the song goes, “I ain’t much on Casanova. Me and Romeo ain’t never been friends.” But my son was/is my business. This house. But as far as existing? “B In Business Virgil”

Wednesday, February 22, 2023

Saga 236 ~B In Business Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I won’t be for long if I don’t mind my business. I’m good at that.

So I like to think. Do you know what else I like to think? Everyone can do whatever they want. As long as they don’t hurt other people. But minding my business killed my son. Braxton was/is my business, but “Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, no, no, no, no.” Late to the party, Inspector? And not the reason I am humiliated now. I didn’t even keep Virgil out today. Of course, the fact that I failed Braxton will always and forever be my greatest shame. The Day Job was humiliating enough because when is it not? Ignoring Virgil’s existence, losing money stinking up my granddaddy’s funeral. Bumping my head at Walmart. I remember watching a “specific” porno with Braxton’s Aunt. I can go on.

But the point is that I don’t make sound business decisions. Hell! College dropout… yep. Now part of that was because I was “in love?” Not! If you want to talk about love, call B. Right… Anyway, comedy comes in threes, and so do my decisions. Fear, fucking, and fury. Today let’s focus on the first two fear and fucking. Should I add friendship, Inspector? I’ve done good things concerning friends. With A Little Help From My Friends. Honestly, Inspector, most of my decisions come from wanting to fuck, like, all the time. Today I was reminded of this woman at Walmart. Pretty, blonde, Street Blowjobs waiting to happen. Only she needed money, and I gave her $5.00. For a lot more… who knows, hehe.

Do you recall MILF Tres? I got her to take her clothes off for $300 ha. Movies and pictures. Where the fuck was OnlyFans when I needed it then? Full sex tapes for $20-$50. Wow! And I don’t talk to MILF Tres anymore. Or Special K. And my other friends? I keep my mouth shut. I’m such a dick about tits. So where was that confidence today, I ask you? The Termite guy was here. That means I have a humiliating text to send to my old man. Virgil senses my anxiety. So the dude looks under the house and finds a bow. M Anime would have a ball. The promising archer that she is. Anyway, this “nice” bow. Inspector, I haven’t seen it ever.

“Oh I get by with a little help from my friends

… Gets high with a little help
From his friends

Oh I’m gonna try with a little help from my friends” With A Little Help From My Friends, Beatles

He likes it, and he wants it. Yes, it’s under the house… (my Olds house, they pay for it, yep). So me, the would-be businessman, what do I do? Do I charge him for it? Keep it, hmm? Again M Anime could teach me… when I’m not trying to talk her out of her clothes. What did I say about shutting up? That’s what I did today. I shut the fuck up, Inspector. He charged me for the inspection and got a weapon that’s been here forever, Inspector. Why? FEAR. As I can’t seem to take charge of this existence. Bills, payments, freeloader. I’m trying to be nice to Virgil Vivi. I couldn’t talk Braxton into staying alive, Inspector. Existing. Living. B In Business Virgil

752 Days Without B III, Day 193 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 235 ~Not A B-Movie Virgil~

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Not my best work, but Will Smith has had moments like that… I wish I could say I spent all day watching Collateral Beauty. Or something more educational like The 1619 Project. But what I’ve been watching and doing so late. “Not A B-Movie Virgil”

Tuesday, February 21, 2023

Saga 235 ~Not A B-Movie Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and Will Smith isn’t… 350 Million and other things on the internet wasting my time today.

Death. Or rather looking it up, which begins with life. This means Braxton Barks Bradford. Don’t worry; I’m not suicidal… okay, that’s a lie; I usually am. But as Morgan Freeman spoke in Lean On Me, I’m not one to do things “Expeditiously.” Or, as the Beatles sang, “living is easy with eyes closed.” For me, that would mean sleeping. Practice for the big sleep, my love. And didn’t I want to talk about Collateral Beauty tonight? Will Smith and the like. If anything, I have been focusing on reasons for existing all day today. Any and all to Endure and Survive. Hell! The Last of Us is the only thing I’ve been watching, love. More death? I haven’t been to the doctor, have I?

Love? I can’t say I have ever loved myself. Here comes another movie reference. From Ben-Hur, “we keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well, and live.” I continue to exist because there is always someone that needs me… That’s not healthy, is it? But as I was telling M Anime. If love is not needed and can be tossed. Then it wasn’t love at all. I think. I couldn’t ask Braxton to stay, but I couldn’t save him either. Then marriage and family. Can I ask you to stay? Can I save you? All you need is love. But what’s left of me? Every day it’s like I’m watching the most horrible movie ever. It’s not Collateral Beauty. It’s “Welcome to My Life”

Time to look up songs and all this other stuff. Do you see what time it is? 7:30 PM. Fuck! Speaking of which. I’ve had time to look up all the porn in the universe because I don’t deserve anything real. What I wouldn’t give to sit on the loveseat with B and his aunt. Yes, love, we can do that too. Plus, there’s the bonus of the fact that I’m trying to make love. That would be time well spent, don’t you think? But the things that take my time nowadays. How I have the termite guy coming over at some point? I do need the house to hide in; well, we do. Talking about Love, Death, Time, Collateral Beauty. Not A B-Movie Virgil.

751 Days Without B III, Day 192 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 229 ~B Embarrassed Times 2V~

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If I want to be ashamed, I can look in the mirror. There’s seeing this one particular woman and getting hard? There are morning huddles at the Day Job. There’s also sitting on the bench when they say B’s sick. Nope dying. B Embarrassed Times 2V.

Wednesday, February 15, 2023

Saga 229 ~B Embarrassed Times 2V~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but as I said before, I’m not a snowflake, sissy, or snickering member of the GOP.

But I am a bad man. Not R. Kelly bad. More like I’m the bad guy because I do bad-guy things. Thank you, Henry “TLOU.” Worse than fantasizing about a woman I work with? It goes without saying but killing my son, the death of Triple B. Echo, that’s the 9th Circle for sure. Treachery. Of course, that’s been on my mind all January and this month. And not because I finished Succubus Lord yet again. And again, my boss these days… This brings me to Virgil. I keep saying I must be nicer to him. But even now, he’s in Braxton’s Room. All by his lonesome. Well, at least I ain’t masturbating; edging, at least. I’m working at the table after the Day Job.

Does some woman have me all revved up? Could it be that I enjoy being clean? That’s something else that’s been getting to me, Inspector. I wish I had found that clinical deodorant sooner. As in before my Granddaddy’s funeral. Not his death, but smelling funky. Inspector, I’m sure my Olds were all kinds of embarrassed, and my sister too. I don’t give a fuck about my Old Man, but he has something else to laugh about. It’s eating me up. Again what about Virgil? He needs his nails trimmed, a bath, and God knows what. Inspector, it requires money, movement, and, most importantly of all, people. Braxton never embarrassed me, and neither has Virgil. As Akon sings, “you can put the blame on me.”

And “I’ve tried so hard.” Obviously, not when looking up black role models. R. Kelly, my Old Man, Akon, (sigh). Hell! I’ll be the first to admit I don’t want to be good. Books, brothels, bullets, and/or biology. Go into a business where you’re always needed. The keyword there is always. And I’m always embarrassed, Inspector. This existence that I’m hoping to turn into my life someday… Where Braxton doesn’t feel the need to always protect me. Where Virgil doesn’t see me as a wicked monster. Inspector, I want to be someone good enough for one of these “friends.” Lusted for and loved. How about saying I’m who Braxton thinks I am? One day? I wish. Nope, walking with Virgil. Outside? B Embarrassed Times 2V

745 Days Without B III, Day 186 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 228 ~2V Minus B III~

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Not all lovey-dovey, but my first love… no ifs, ands, or buts. B III, without question. A life that I love as it won’t be mine own. And yet I continue to imagine it. Triple B was supposed to be a part of it but the years. I hate Math. 2V Minus B III.

Tuesday, February 14, 2023

Saga 228 ~2V Minus B III~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I still want more. Don’t get me wrong. I hate Math now, like in school.

Hell! There was a week at the old Day Job where I made “around” $26.00. And having a billion now? I don’t know if either would have been enough to save my true love. Yes, I know it’s Valentine’s Day, but if I didn’t love you the other 364 days of the year, as always. Yes, I talk about my son B every day of the year. Well, make that two since B III died. Three considering he died thirteen days short of his sixteenth birthday. He’d be eighteen now. And I haven’t thought of chocolate, chrysanthemums, or cute jewelry, either, my love. There is a fantasy I have of fucking you wearing nothing but a crucifix or The Heart of The Ocean from Titanic.

Of course, making love to you, sex, or fucking, makes me the typical guy? Being your lover, your husband, your best friend… And, of course, we’re back to Braxton Barks… Eww! Am I right? I never understood how people were into that sort of pornography. Anyway, I know I must protect Braxton when I think of any chocolate. Yeah, poisonous. Chrysanthemums, Roses, and all kinds of flowers only make me think of Braxton in the yard. And as far as jewelry? Why haven’t I bought something to honor Braxton? Silver, Gold? How about today, being for diamonds? I love you. I’m trying not to burst into song but no promises. Only what did I promise you? I vowed, I swore. Till death? And without Braxton…

I didn’t mention hearts. And mine’s been broken going on 744 days. Losing my one. Honestly, I’m afraid that could cost me everything, and I don’t want it to, my love. I’m trying. But there’s a fur baby alone in Braxton’s room. The distance between you and me continues to grow. Fuck! You have no idea how hard that was. Four good songs, my love. If I can keep that promise, why can’t I add back what I lost? All the money in the world. Happy Valentine’s Day! I can give you a day. Then your birthday, anniversary, our kids. This is just one more day I’ve screwed up. Another negative. Three little words. I love you. But always and forever. 2V Minus B III

744 Days Without B III, Day 185 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 222 ~B A Gift, V…~

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The last two things Braxton asked for were to come home and stay with me. If he’d asked for my life if giving my life could save his… Hell! I wish a button would have allowed me to go with him. What have I given Virgil? Bare Necessities? B A Gift, V.

Wednesday, February 8, 2023

Saga 222 ~B A Gift, V…~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I’m glad the clinical strength deodorant is about ten bucks. And I watch Peacock; why?

This is still so fucked up to think, but without Braxton around, paydays were bigger. Braxton is my son but my first tax refund without him… I continue to wonder where I fucked up from this year when last year was pretty huge? I’m getting a thousand back and change. But speaking about fucking up, how much of that is going towards Virgil. If anything, only the basics. I did get him a Christmas gift. What about treats and bedding? I woke up this afternoon to that song “Wake Me Up” ha-ha. Inspector, those lines… “Life’s a game made for everyone. And love is the prize.” I continue to disagree that love is the prize. No, I believe love is a gift. The message today…

Hell! The only one I want a message from is my Triple B. I can’t say I’ve heard from him. Not even the day he died. I didn’t listen to him when he got sick or when he got “sent.” I think that was in Sabriel. Have I been getting messages from any books these days? All I’ve been doing. I have two emails about the books I should be reading but oh no, tits. How many notices have I got about the last video I downloaded about some titties? Hentai tits at that. Well, if you’re asking why I’m late. I was edging to a pair from the UK. Inspector, if I were a Christian man, I’d say tits are a gift from God.

Braxton would agree with that. People say God is love. My Braxton, Boobies, a billion. Those are life and love. You know my thoughts about laughter. I did some of that at the Day Job… It was either that or start crying. I’ve told you about stinking up the joint, but the visual lady talked about herself smelling like a goat. It could have only been words or a gift, E. She likes me. She really likes me. No, not like that. Hearing her message, though? I don’t know what to think. That puts me on par with V. Food, a pillow, water, toys, what else? Because I don’t have love. Hundred bucks from taxes. I’d give Braxton my life, love. B A Gift, V

738 Days Without B III, Day 179 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 221 ~Y B V Gushes~

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Gushing, oozing, leaking… not that. I mean talking to B III and a little to his aunt. Hell! She didn’t call the cops. But it’s like I might explode or more like overflow. Drown in tears last week; fake happiness next week. B’s B-Day. “Y B V Gushes”

Tuesday, February 7, 2023

Saga 221 ~Y B V Gushes~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now; how much is an apology nowadays? I should be gushing, oozing, and leaking apologies. Too sexual?

And after everything that went down last week. My mood stunk, but at least I don’t anymore. Um, don’t count your chickens? Only the “clinical” deodorant seems to be working. And at least I’m not spending cash on OnlyFans and such. Or other porn, right? If anything, I need to be spending money on the dogs… I will never not count B III in this. This is sort of a balancing week. Last week was when Braxton left the world. Next week will be when he comes into it. Or at least that’s what I have decided. February 13, always. I never believed I’d find love. No Valentine’s Day for me. The 13th… close enough. Somehow I found you. But to wrap up, “I’m Sorry?”

I wish those words could come rushing out of my mouth. Truthful? No. Worthy? Uh-uh. I do mean me, not you. Another reason we aren’t making the bedsprings sing… Seriously, “What’s My Age Again?” But I’m not bursting into song, either. Too busy “B.” A lie. Again I wish I could be all about Braxton this week. It Should have been last week, too, ha. But only one thing might burst soon because either way you look at it, I’m looking at the good ole days. Oh, and what do I call this? My family, my love, our children. Love. Everything is about love or, rather, sex. Should I start spouting out my philosophy too? This week isn’t about that. Losing love and having love.

Last week to the week after this. I didn’t want to talk to you. And I’m not sure B hears. But the moaning and groaning that comes out of me as I take “pornographic passions.” Maitland Ward? Still sort of does it for me sometimes, but I haven’t been looking at her… yeah. Still upset? Anyway, you and Braxton are kind of like my Topanga and Shawn. “How great is this? My favorite person in the world. And my wife.” From Girl Meets World remember. Sometimes I might want to ask myself; is that why I’ve been watching all this cheating, family breaking up, Hentai. I can’t talk about that to you, B, and definitely not V. It’s like I’m overflowing with, I don’t know what. Y B V Gushes

737 Days Without B III, Day 178 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 215 ~Braxton, Virgil, Everyone Nose~

WillLeave a comment

Well, I finally fell asleep at 2:00 in the morning. So after waking up at 4:00 AM, blotting my eyes. After some bed antics, and reading a book, I’m ready to go. Um, a shower? Hasn’t been helping much lately, and “Braxton, Virgil, Everyone Nose.”

Wednesday, February 1, 2023

Saga 215 ~Braxton, Virgil, Everyone Nose~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now; only you don’t know. I stink… sure. My writing sucks… ok; my son is dead, yep.

My Braxton is dead. And January 31, 2021, is the worst day, next to E-Day. But what about my granddaddy? Am I still going on about that? Not his death but yeah, humiliations galore like moi exist everywhere. And not only in my Day Job. I should have went Echo. Instead, I decided to stink up the funeral worse than a corpse. That’s pretty harsh against someone I don’t even know. Anyway, I got to get a new deodorant, Inspector. Whatever I got, I don’t know when. Well, it’s not working, and I have been stinking up joints royally. Hell! Is this my form of penance, confessing this shit? I’m sure my Ma was awfully embarrassed. And “What’s My Age Again?” Thirty-eight. And everyone else…

If only I could be as unknown as I am on Twitter. And Facebook, it looks like, but then yesterday. Um, like going on a week or so now. I’ve been losing people everywhere, Echo. Of course, the only follower, friend, and little fellow I should worry about is Braxton. What about Virgil, you ask? I didn’t hang out with him yesterday. Again, I’m a meanie. Or I didn’t want to deal with all the humiliation, shame, and guilt. If you want to know why I’m so late talking to you today. 9:05 in the morning. I was busy reading Inspector… Come on! That’s not a lie. I’m 60% into “The Book Eaters.” But I’m also a breast man. With two of my friends… Turned-on?

And I’m wondering why people are leaving in droves. All I think about… “Get Naked!” It’s either that or my little boy. And no, I don’t mean my “Enormous Penis….” Ok, Inspector, I’ll stop. With today being February 1, I should have plenty of respect Inspector. Talking to M Anime yesterday. A particular image she laid out would have me sprung. Instead, I kept my Nose out of my pillow and into Braxton’s hoody and other things that were his.

Oh, along with myself. I swear, after granddaddy’s funeral, I thought I caught COVID-19. Inspector, as the song goes, “I’m still alive.” The songs that Braxton begs me listen to. Inspector, he’s always and forever in my business… and heart. Plus, he doesn’t mind the smell… Braxton, Virgil, Everyone Nose

731 Days Without B III, Day 172 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 208 ~B Virgil In Time~

WillLeave a comment

A big lie, I tell myself… There’s No Time. What did I do all this morning? And those small instances when I’m trying to teach V (sigh). I had all the time in the world after the Day Job, but I was so mad. Braxton paid with time. B Virgil In Time

Wednesday, January 25, 2023

Saga 208 ~B Virgil In Time~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, ha-ha. How I wish. It would be better if Virgil (formerly Archie) knew who he was. And me… I’m a Boob.

Not the guy that should be worrying about taxes, calling the termite guy. Terrible Daddy? That last one we’ll get to in a while. Only I need to make a list of the necessary things. Yeah, it’s not like my Six Impossible Things are any closer. Even pepped up with energy. Please, I’ll be asleep by five. And speaking of closing my eyes, have I cried for B III today? I did curse out Virgil for stepping in shit last night. As I’ve said, January is not a good time. And isn’t this entire existence about me stepping in shit? One more reason we’re talking now. But (sigh) we’ll finish well today because what shit will the Day Job bring. Again, taxes, termites, filters, adulting…

When all I want to do is be a little boy, curled up in blankets crying for my best friend. That Inspector Echo is what is pissing me off the most. Well, the Day Job. But besides blaming myself for Braxton’s death, I blame them for making me hate. Republicans? Inspector, I’d make a damn good one if I was some old white Trumptard. But no, I want to talk about my son (Braxton) and the boy (Virgil) in this house. Whatever will I do? There will be barbecue and dog movies. No new treasures as I look at the account that doesn’t say billion. So why do I keep saying I AM? Hell! I am still Braxton’s Daddy, and nothing will change that Inspector.

But then there’s an animal communicator I want to talk to sometimes, Inspector. A wish. And before that, I meant to speak to some of these counselors. About what I will do with Virgil, come the day. When has anyone ever agreed with me? Oh, right, I killed him. And it should have been me, but this isn’t Heaven. Tuesday begging for heavenly boobs. Only she refused, so I had money to spend on books. And those books, Echo, weren’t about burying fur babies. Inspector, love and hate Amazon. Wonder what they and other stores must think of me? When the truth is “I Don’t Know Who I Am.” I could use a “Repair Man,” a bug guy, a counselor, or an adult. Virgil? No, Braxton. B Virgil In Time

724 Days Without B III, Day 165 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 207 ~ Virgil’s Holiday From B~

WillLeave a comment

E-Day. That’s the second worse day of existence. Um, Thanksgiving. But nowhere near as big when Braxton was here. And possibly New Year’s. But next week this day is a holiday. A memorial. Only I’m not alone, but I want to be. Virgil’s Holiday From B.

Tuesday, January 24, 2023

Saga 207 ~ Virgil’s Holiday From B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But as the song goes, “money can’t buy me love.” Free me from Hate? Horniness? Happiness?

Um, it got my B a trip to Heaven or wherever. It’s this time next week I’ll Hate the most. A permanent vacation. A holiday away from me. And I’m sure you can relate, love. Reason number whatever we’re talking about today, Monday, January 23, 2023. It feels like I’m working the old Day Job all over again. Tomorrow I rather not be bothered. Next week? I don’t hate my family, ever. It’s not Virgil either though he’s becoming a brat. As I said so many times, it’s not veterinarians, old age, or even the disease that took my boy. “I choose me, and I know that’s selfish love.” Yes, more music. You know, I still need to pick a song on Spotify. Twenty-Four days.

But there are some things you can’t get away from, you know. Another song, love? Fucking Enrique Iglesias “You can run, you can hide, but you can’t escape my love.” Loving someone never takes a holiday but liking them… Whatever and I going to do with Virgil? I’m ashamed that this time has crept up on me and when next week rolls around, love… When was the last time I cried for Braxton? These might be my first tears for today. Come the 31st; I want to eat barbeque and watch dog movies. Even Spontaneous, sadly. Hell! I did read “A Dog’s Journey.” So I could watch the film now. (Cringes). Uncomfortably? I remember the book, that was all kinds of… Who cares; Braxton’s dead.

Always the worse pain imaginable. There’s no escape, and no, I can’t give it a rest. But I know you would never say that. And crazy? Well, knowing V ain’t B. I’ve been reading up on animal communicators. I could try and find one and see what happens. I could see where Virgil stands vet-wise. When I went to Braxton’s Aunt’s wedding, I boarded B III for a few days. It couldn’t hurt to send Virgil away for two days to honor my son. Would that be honoring Braxton? And what about our family? I’m not going out for smokes. The 31st of all days. When I’ll be the most alone. I want to be. Anywhere but being loved and happy. Virgil’s Holiday From B

723 Days Without B III, Day 164 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will