Gospel 013 ~He Willie Loves You~

They say diamonds are forever, what about books? I got mad at someone and gave them a piece of mind… on my way to 100,000 words. Someone else got around 50,000. The woman I’ll marry, though? Sing it with me, “A NeverEnding Story.” He Willie Loves You

Tuesday, July 14, 2020

Gospel 013 ~He Willie Loves You~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now because I refuse to think otherwise. As is my love for you. If that’s the case, though, why am I still so afraid of losing it, of losing you. The past few weeks, I’ve been hurting over some loss friends… please hear me out. When people leave me, there’s no grouping of my sins, no I’m giving up on you, not even goodbye. So here I am writing the things I needed to say. When I stop, though, I mean there are no more words, links, or when I forget to check for days on end. Writers both fear and relish these two words, “The End.”

“I will eviscerate you in fiction. Every pimple, every character flaw. I was naked for a day; you will be naked for eternity.” – Geoffrey Chaucer – A Knight’s Tale

I’ve told you that writing is my dream and you are too, My Love. Only you’re here, you’re mine and novel-writing, well the words keep coming. My motivations might say you have to love the pain, a writer sits and bleeds upon the page. One day though, let’s assume the current subject matter will fall away, and they’ll be something more. You’ve watched me become one with the music, a slave to the work, a man of silence. I always say this, I’m a hard man to know. That’s one more reason I write and like smart girls, not that you should spend your life learning about me. So that’s a lie because I want to know everything about you. They say that if women came with instructions, no man would read it. Instead, Baby Girl, I choose to write it every day I can.

“Well, you know, Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature.” – 500 Days of Summer

It’s not about the money I know, but I want to write the checks and read the bills. Our kids had a library before they even knew how to spell their names. I see my firstborn with his little beard and his every hair turning gray being read to. I look upon all the love letters and poems that I wrote to you. No, you didn’t throw them away, laugh, or use them in a court case at some point, I wonder. You read my book and see those words The End or hell To Be Continued, and you ask how many words will it take? With one, it might take 50,000 thank you, NaNoWriMo. Another might take double or triple. You, My Love, are the song on repeat, my new dream. You, My Baby Doll, will be my never-ending story. He Willie Loves You.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 006 ~Look Ma, No Wills~

And this ladies and gentlemen will explain why I create playlists and listen to audiobooks on a road trip. Because you don’t want to be stuck listening to me, but better yet, can we stay home? Look Ma, No Wills

Tuesday, July 7, 2020

Gospel 006 ~Look Ma, No Wills~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how do I keep it together from one dollar to the next? In my businesses for once, I’m running towards and not away from. Yet with so much beauty in the world, you take my breath away. My Love how I wish I could come up with something like the song or the movie line, “You Make Me Better,” or “As Good As It Gets.” For now, though, all I want to do is shut-up. We both know the next words out of my mouth will be more songs and films. Also, the things I want to say to you is as always pretty confusing.

It’s like riding a unicycle. Hell, I would prefer that to a walk on eggshells or broken glass. My life has been spent trying not to say the wrong thing. Along with that, I get bombarded by people asking me or telling me I have to speak. Next thing you know, I’m BELITTLED, BLOCKED, or behind BARS. The things I say in our bedroom at times, what must you think of me, baby girl? I’m sure it was worse when we first met. Which should I be more ashamed of, hmm? I never learned how to ride my bike, and yet I wanted to be one of the Biker Boyz. How about the fact that I didn’t know the first thing about talking to you? Somehow I learned. Better men have sung, I’ll Do It For You and if you ever did want that motorcycle-riding bad boy, well My Love.

I would be glad to be the man who can fix a flat tire for you for now. To have such big dreams and it’s the simple things like breathing that I find so difficult. It’s being the focus of anyone. That’s what you are to me, and here’s another song, “you are my fire, the one desire.” You married me, gave me a family, and a home, and I dare to ask even more. To listen, to hear, to understand. Well, I know I don’t make that easy baby doll. I keep on rolling along, not knowing if we’re lost, how fast I’m going, what’s going to make me stop. When I stop talking, though, what do I expect, will you know me any better. How I hope every day; Look Ma, No Wills.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 365 ~No Ma’am, That’s Will~

I can’t say I have much experience, meeting a girl’s parents, and after all, I’m still in mourning over one mom. At my Day Job, it’s nothing but “Yes Ma’am” and “No Ma’am.” You would think I have creative pet names. “No Ma’am, That’s Will.”

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Log 365 ~No Ma’am, That’s Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s because I never want to say, “no Ma’am” ever again. I don’t want to say yes Ma’am or Sir, either. Do I sound, disrespectful, delusional, or dumb? When I first met you, what did I say? Was I smooth like Luther Vandross. “Excuse me miss, but what’s your name?” I’m not as young Tevin Campbell was when he sang, “Can we talk for a minute, Girl I want to know your name.” Now shall I get all poetic with William Shakespeare, and what not?

You see My Love and don’t I call you that often enough? Anyway, my mother raised a gentleman with somewhat mixed results. It’s not that I want to be disrespectful to women or my elders, no let them keep all that. One more reason I got out of retail. Now, of course, with the business I’m in, I call women all sorts of things, but I never forget. You Baby Girl, and I know some people consider that title creepy like Baby Doll and the like. Hell, one of my best friends, I call her Honey Bunny. I wonder, does she remember when I introduced her to Pulp Fiction? Ringo/Pumpkin and Yolanda/Honey Bunny. What was I saying about being a gentleman again? A gentleman shouldn’t bring up other women or kiss and tell. I never did that with “The Nine.” As with you and me, though, I’m still not sharing.

Okay, so I’m learning to love my name again. If anything, I love hearing it come from your lips. I could talk about a few other names, but that’s more of a Thursday thing. Again if I ever start scheduling “relations,” feel free to shoot me. However, if you wanted to make a cute pet name for me like Shelby from Girlfriend Reviews for her boyfriend. I would be all for that. What about teaching the kids how to address people? Why can’t they all be like My Firstborn? I’m a Southern Man and as always one for tradition. Not Confederate history, but I mean manners. So yeah, yes sir, no sir, Ma’am or Ms., Please and Thank You. I know Baby Girl, I don’t like dealing with most people. I’m sure our children will have friends calling me Mr. at some point, I’m sure.

I’m a man, lover, friend, daddy, No Ma’am, That’s Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 358 ~Will Schedule You In~

Do you think there’s some woman out there thinking she’s going to change my life forever? For the worse, maybe, but aren’t I the same? One day though, I won’t be the guy in the mask, plain or ski. I’ve never worn a fedora either. Will Schedule You In

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

Log 358 ~Will Schedule You In~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what time did it happen? When is the best time to become a father? As much of traditionalist as I am, I’m not one for dinner at 6:00 PM. I don’t want to be someone working a nine to five. With my aspirations, I want to play for twelve hours. You ask me about our family, though. At present, I wake up at 4:00 AM ever morning. Yeah, I’ll offer Dr. Eric Thomas my apologies because 3:00 AM kills me. Hell Baby Girl, if I ever become one to schedule when we make love, feel free to shoot me. Wanting you is an all the time thing; you know me.

One of those other things you know, though, is I’m a stickler for time. When it comes to us, though, well, there’s this thing called forever. I look at our children and being a writer and all, should I say always. At this very moment, I see my firstborn, and still, I haven’t seen his every little hair turn gray. He has a beard, but he’s only growing up. That’s what I’m still trying to do My Love. There are twenty-four hours in each of our days. Only I want to give you more time every minute, every hour, every day. Dare some call this obsession, but why not? I gave a whole week to my depression, and yes, I’m still not over it, I’m afraid to say. Why do I stay up so late? Didn’t someone say, don’t go to bed angry? I’ve talked about having twenty seconds of insane courage as the movie goes. In exchange, I want to offer you a lifetime of happiness, my baby doll.

Only nobody can schedule the hurt… well, a certain kind of hurt mind you. I don’t know the next time I’m going to be afraid. What about the next friend that will send me into a spiral-like last week? I’m becoming a bit like Captain Hook and his fear of clocks. I might even understand how some Christians talk about God’s good all the time. You are My Goddess. As another song goes, I only think of you on Two Occasions. Of course, those are called Night and Day. I never planned on being scary like with you know who. I didn’t plan on loving you, wifey, but one day I said to myself, My Love, Will Schedule You In.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 351 ~Someday WILL Meet Again~

I am a hard man to know but an easy one to say no to. If my wife tells me she rather not know, I’d understand because every woman before her and the way I live… let’s just say plenty wish they never met me, and to my wife. “Someday WILL Meet, Again.”

Tuesday, June 16, 2020

Log 351 ~Someday WILL Meet Again~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I still stress over losing one dollar. For the Love of Money as the song goes. For the Love of You, and then there’s my vision. It’s hard sometimes to remember where every dollar goes, which was the first. I can always share my dream. From when I was a little boy, lying in my aunt’s room, writing out words. I ran to her when I was done and asked, “what have I wrote?” “It’s your name,” my aunt replied. Hell from looking at my mother’s Victoria Secret catalogs. To searching Ayeka and Ryoko, and having a Hentai filled binder.

Your love, though, baby girl… for the life of me, I haven’t a clue how I found you. I can’t imagine what I’d do without you. So here I am, Stuck In The Middle With You. Yeah, I can’t promise I’ll stop with the music, you know how I’ve felt since Saturday. Don’t be jealous. It’s a different love, and you know how I long for my dream, my work, not talking about the Day Job. I’ve told you before, I’m not STUPID (shudders) enough to forget our anniversary. Um, your birthday, Valentine’s, Mother’s Day.

I’m only wracking my brain trying to remember the exact moment we met, why I didn’t scare you off. We can’t ignore the fact that I’m a black man living in America. Not blaming My “Blackness.” The way I’ve screwed up with other women is with my utter STUPIDITY. All my fault, including the following:

  1. The D ― Poetry. Gave it to her
  2. Sweetness ― Poetry and built a blog
  3. The Harmonic War ― The Harm of a Cookie
  4. All That Jazz ― A note on her car
  5. Basic Bitch ― SKEEVY concepts on her blog
  6. Rainbow Girl ― Pokémon and Crazy Town’s “Butterfly”
  7. Okay ― Keep My Hands To Myself…
  8. Cherry ― Poetry and a whole novel
  9. MILF Dos ― Offered her money, said Hello

What am I trying to do, give you a reason to leave? I want to be the man you married, which is the best version of myself I’ve ever been. All I know right now is since Saturday, I have been reminded of the worse. “But, darling, Stay With Me.” You’re here now, no beginning and no end. I needn’t say, Someday WILL Meet Again.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 344 ~Write Side Of Will~

I was telling a doctor once that he should work on his bedside manner, told my kid’s vet the same thing, but life has come out of many a bed as well right. Still, I’m usually too busy talking or working. “Write Side Of Will.”

Tuesday, June 9, 2020

Log 344 ~Write Side Of Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means a big bed. Of course, I think of this for several reasons, but when it comes to our children and us? When it comes to my firstborn, you know he’s pretty much like Cyrus from The Warriors. “Because it’s all our turf!” Little Toughie.

So let me start by asking what side of the bed do you sleep on? Did I have to ask you the first time you and me… Anyway, it’s like back when I had my HORRID Day Job. If I slept on my back, it meant I had work in the morning. On my belly, I could relax. Lying here, if I jumped to the right, it was going to be a bad day; to my left, there was time. With that being said, I sleep on the left side, I suppose. All I know is that I want to be touching you. Does that make me sound romantic or obsessed? You would insist I was both, and that’s why I love you. I’m not like Asa Jackson from Too Late by Colleen Hoover. He loves when Sloan sleeps on her belly naked. I’m not an over the top control freak. Okay, usually, I do have ideas, non-decorative bedroom concepts.

I don’t fancy myself as disagreeable. The one that always has to be right. Of course, as you know, I don’t like being STUPID. I left that far behind me at the last “Day Job,” I’ll ever have. Would I rather be right or happy, and again can’t we have both? Hell, in my line of work, give me joy, jubilation, and as the song goes, he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus. I do, however, wish to talk like a gentleman, except for maybe in the bedroom. You must be asking, have I been getting enough sleep these days.

Well, I am sleeping with you babe so… Yeah, there is no getting around the problems in our country. To state in plain, a black man, a white woman, but we make it work, don’t we. To play another song, “we all the same color when you turn out the lights.” Besides my manuscript and music, my mouth runs a bit too much when we should be resting. How about doing other things as well. I love you so, on the Write Side Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 337 ~When Will Talks Sheet~

Maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t left my bed other than to take my son for a walk, and because my “father” came by *shudders*. If I could finish just one book, I could make money in my sleep or do other things in bed ha. When Will Talks Sheet.

Tuesday, June 2, 2020

Log 337 ~When Will Talks Sheet~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t brag about it. Indeed before I met you, what my son would hear is “Just me Baby Boy.” Follow that up with a sigh of relief, and that’s the end of the day’s events. Oh yeah, what about my writing? Am I a hard man to know, yep. I swear I’ve given old bosses a death stare. If I had my way, the phrase “How Are You Doing” would be outlawed. Daily I’m still struggling with Rule #2, “You Are Not A Caveman.” Considering my work, can you blame me for being speechless?

As the song goes, “Saving All My Love For You,” and that’s not the best example of marriage. Also, you’re probably sick of me, speaking through songs. Another reason I love you because you wouldn’t say that. And I Will Always Love You for that. Well, I guess that’s enough Whitney Houston, but should we talk about my lame writing? Yeah, I know by this point, a few bestsellers, some movies, a flair for titles, what about my new script? I want to apologize for having you act like my beta reader most days. Must be tiring. Even though our bed is still my favorite spot in the house… for many reasons. In younger days, I heard a woman say something about bedrooms. The better your bed, the more a woman wants to stay there. Again the focus of my life and I still wish to stay here with you.

Now you ask me why with everything going on? Is the world still such a scary place? Baby Doll, I still have nightmares of my life before. When I close my eyes sigh I could wake up and where would you be? To me, you’re like some superhero with or without her cape. I’m like a sick man dying, and you both give me Fever, with your Bad Medicine, Baby Girl. Only and I’m not one to kiss and tell, but I would say, “She’s Got Skillz. Yeah, this is why I don’t write jokes for a living. My Love, in Between The Sheets… yes, I’m cutting off Spotify… I don’t want to believe there is anything between us. You’re cooler than the other side of the pillow, “what’s my age again,” the last one?

Paper, Bed, Only You are times When Will Talks Sheet.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 330 ~Silence Of The Will~

I would like for a woman to tell me she loves me, well besides my mother, or my grandmother’s dog way back in “MY” day. The question is, would I ever get such words out myself, especially with everything going on. “Silence Of The Will”

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Log 330 ~Silence Of The Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, do me a favor and ask me how. On one side of the coin, I’m like Yuri Orlov. I never want to keep what I do away from you. If you look at the other I’m Andy Dufresne, I’m a hard man to know. I’ve never seen The Silence of the Lambs, I hear it’s classic.

Have I scared you yet? We’ve discussed things like this from time to time, haven’t we? Pillow talk, like how I can’t stand most crime dramas like that. Give me zombies, sci-fi, sex, as the song goes “Gimme fuel, Gimme fire, Gimme that which I desire. I want to talk to you. At the same time, I want to be quiet, not mad, not upset, not lost. Only to have the silence like some anime character, or like one of those Japanese series. I want to lie in your lap like something out of Gokusen, perhaps. I haven’t thought of that show in ages. It’s a bit funny that as everyone is coming outside, I only want to retreat back into our house. I want to watch films and stream everything under the sun. One more reason we own a private beach. I’m not sorry for any of this, and that’s why I love you.

I tell My Dæmon, every day that I’m sorry… shows what kind of father I am. The thing is he doesn’t understand the words, doesn’t care, but he stays beside me all the time. Without one word, he knows if I’m happy, sad, or angry. Yeah, I keep digging that hole comparing you to our furry son. It could be the fact that again I’m repeating myself from before. The noise of the world coming back alive is getting to me. It’s why my libraries, ladies, and love must be louder. To put it in another way, I love you to DEAF, wouldn’t you say?

No, I’m one for the lame jokes. What’s real is that I Love You. Now I could say that forever with or without the mask. I’ll admit with the Coronavirus (COVID-19) running rampant, it’s easier. Such is my vanity or the need for pain, though I want to be Peeta instead of Gale. Would that make you my Katniss, baby doll? I’ll smile small, eat big, For The Love Of You. Silence Of The Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 323 ~Will, Steal My Sunshine~

Last week I talked some about work, and with the plague year, well, I know I’m in the “control” group, and that can’t be helped. However, even when I have a job I love and the woman I love, I still won’t be eager to go out. “Will, Steal My Sunshine.”

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Log 323 ~Will, Steal My Sunshine~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which should mean it’s time to get back to work? Wasn’t it sometime last week Baby Doll, I was saying I don’t wanna? I’m sorry I must be thinking about the Day Job I had once upon a time. Now that was no fairytale, and while I LOVE what I do now, I want to stay with you. Well, unless you try to take it away, but that’s neither here nor there. I was only looking over my schedule for the week and SIGH. If only I could take you with me and I hope to someday. Duty calls My Love.

The thing is, as the song goes, I got sunshine on a cloudy day. I’m going to be burning up when I get to the studio but not with anger. Yes, I keep thinking about the Day Job, and that’s all there was for me, RAGE. Now “I’m On Fire,” but I want the sunshine you bring. While I bring up celebrities like The Temptations and Bruce Springsteen. Again another song ahem. I’ll be the greatest fan of your life. So you don’t have to wonder why I want to stay here with you. My furry kid, warm bed sheets, and hot as Hell wife. There was a time I was satisfied with only hoodies. Yes, I know I still wear them, and that won’t be changing anytime soon. Always when it comes to you, Baby Girl, what else can I say, you give me Fever, too many songs maybe?

Besides my singing, why all this talk of heat? The days of the plague, Coronavirus (COVID-19). It doesn’t scare me, no, not at all. As a matter of fact, Baby Girl, if you ever want to turn me on, Zombies, Plague Era, and world destruction. One more song, I hope, I’m “George Romero,” and you’re “My Post-Apocalyptic Zombie Survival Fantasy.” A conversation for another time. Only I’m not looking forward to going back out into Hell, the state of our country. How about the one people say I’m going to for doing what I do in life. Could we always crawl back inside the covers and play some video games? Did I suggest that for reals? Well, your husband is a bit of a geek and a book nerd sometimes.

You’re So Damn Hot, okay, this is the last song promise; Will Still My Sunshine.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 316 ~Will FUNDS His Family~

I’ve heard that “some” women brag about their boyfriends/husbands’ jobs, and while I don’t plan on marrying Rochelle, “My man has two jobs!” I will have two, one is my writing and the other… Will FUNDS His Family, for the love of money or simply love

Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Log 316 ~Will FUNDS His Family~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Not Walter White, David A. R. White or White in general but nevertheless a billionaire. Well, I’m sorry, My Love I didn’t mean to get all racial, especially considering us. I will say Happy Mother’s Day, being (Sunday) and start over.

AHEM today, I’m more focused on the What, Why, And How of our fortune. It could be too many Handmaid’s Tale videos on YouTube or Desi Lydic Womansplains. Anyway, you’ve often heard me talk about being rich in three things. Babes, Bucks, and Bullets. Of course, those sometimes change to Biology, Bullion, and Bombs. The thing is, I don’t want to be rich in the methods of death but of life. In the Bible, it says something like, “But the greatest of these is love.” To me, you’re priceless, and yet it scares me to keep thinking of a price. As a “young” man, I was taught that a man must be established. If one seeks an Angel, he must build Heaven, and that’s what I’m doing. Everything we have would be nothing without you. Still, I always want more.

It makes me sound greedy. On Christmas, I’m trying not to be Scrooge. I could be Caesar, for I am ambitious, but why not? You should have everything beautiful in the world, and I’m not. Sooner or later, I’ll believe you when you say I’m a good man. For now, I’ll go with these three little words. I love you, of course, but “A Man Provides.” You and our children, you are My Woman, you and they are My Why, and this is My Way. Okay, I’ve never watched Star Wars: The Mandalorian though I’ve invested in Disney by now.

The big question is HOW and we have had the Lord of War conversation. Again I don’t believe in anything to cause harm, and I don’t hide what I do from you. I do as I please. Only as long as my family is living comfortable, I don’t have to live as a fake anymore, and I’m having fun. You have no idea how it felt to keep my “Day Job” trying to provide for me and my firstborn. I could never go back to that. My dream, My Love, My World, you all are one. Once again, I’m Greedy, Lustful, and found my Pride. Thus Will FUNDS His Family.

I Will Have No Fear