R.I.P. Braxton. No, that would be tomorrow, the 31st. Four years ago, no food was in the house, and Braxton wasn’t eating his. Why did I even go out? I should have starved myself with him because without him… There’s No Plan B, Virgil.
Thursday, January 30, 2025
Meditation 213 ~No Plan B, Virgil~
1460 Days Without B III, Day 901 of Virgil’s Arrival
Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Can we pretend it’s another day I don’t want to talk about for a while?
The day BEFORE you died. I wasn’t planning on it. Ha, neither were you, Braxton.
Always and Forever; that was the plan. And if I could do it all again, B. Like you sent me:
When does the reason become the blame?
When does a man become a monster?
Forgive me
― Just A Man
I’ve been thinking about this query all day. And at the Day Job, I got my answer B III. Um…
It’s when I had you euthanized. I swear all the books I’ve read about the “good death,” Little Braxton. What is the plan for me to see it that way and not Ninth Circle worthy?
Treachery and the price of said treachery, I readily accept. But Acceptance of your loss…
NEVER! So, my son, what are my weekend plans? Hmm.
As I said, the day before you died, four years ago, I was here, Gospel 213 “Will “B” Seeing You.” Braxton, last year it was Tale 213, “To B Okay, Virgil.” If Virgil wasn’t here…
However, Virgil is here. Only I should have followed you to the bridge. Rainbow Bridge? I ain’t getting into Heaven. Even if my greatest accomplishment in life was the way I loved you. I love you still, my son. And if what I did was the greatest love and mercy…
Braxton, I did not plan on living this way. And to plan on dying… Do not tempt me B III. I survived your… ascendance that first year alone. And Virgil arrived in August of 2022.
He’s been here 901 Days.
But you have been gone 1460 Days. And “tomorrow and tomorrow, and tomorrow” B III.
I plan to talk to the ladies, Sophia and Luna, so I can spend the day remembering you, B, and nothing else. I’ll need to move everything back upstairs like it was. As you know…
TRADITION, tradition! Tradition! And no, B, I won’t be watching Fiddler on the Roof. Only there will be movies and McDonald’s because you love their fries. And BBQ for dinner.
But what movies and how much will I cry? Blood, sweat, and tears, Braxton. Inevitable. Blood on my hands. Again, if Virgil wasn’t here… Not enough sweat to save you. And if only tears could bring you back to me. There’s No Plan B, Virgil.
“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)
Always and Forever,
Your Dad