Tag: B

Tale 119 ~Braxton For 1,000, Virgil~

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So, 1,000 Days since Braxton’s been gone? Why does it hurt more to think of these 1,000 Days? And the 15 years that I spent with him? Than the 39 years of “my” existence, I’ve wasted? Over 1,000 words, never can say goodbye. Braxton For 1,000, Virgil

Saturday, October 28, 2023

Tale 119 ~Braxton For 1,000, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Sigh. If I were, I wouldn’t say I’ve wasted 39 years of existence. But it’s been…

“Though a thousand words
Have never been spoken.”
1000 Words

1,000 Days. Lady Lu, I have let 1,000 Days negate the 15 years I spent with my son, B III. And I know it’s not right, fair, or just. But when have I ever been right? Or even been a fan of Math? It doesn’t sound like a lot. Hell! To me, it’s one messed up excuse to sit here. 1,000 Days AND more. That is what terrifies me. And it should scare Virgil to death as well. Seeing as how he’s been here for 441 Days of them. But how many more, Lady Lu? I was supposed to be up at 8:00 AM to take him outside. So why haven’t I? I’ll tell you. Because I know he’s hungry, and where’s his dinner, Lunalesca?

1,000 Days, time loses all meaning. So breakfast, lunch, um, ok, a snack Lady Lunalesca? At least I can say it’s not anger or lust that holds me back. It’s only shame and sloth now. And in Virgil’s 441 Days here, I’m sure he has cried over 1,000 times. It only took me ignoring Braxton’s cries once for him to end up “resting in a box. Lunalesca, the lesson. 1,000 Days later, I haven’t learned a damn thing. I would say 1,000 Yabbos later. But we both know I’ve seen more than 1,000. And that’s only with October. With me almost being 40… again, it’s October, but my latest E-Day continues to haunt me. Tis the season, isn’t it, Lu? But Braxton Barks Bradford’s ghost…

1,000 Days. I don’t know what I’m trying to do anymore. Do I want to forget him? No, not ever. So why have I procrastinated by reading over 1,000 words from all these emails? Lunalesca, I’ve been lamenting that I’m not participating in NaNoWriMo this year. But if I write 400 words a year, that’s 146,000 words. Lady Lunalesca, I’m doing nearly three NaNoWriMo challenges a year. And what have any of those words ever gotten, Luna? 1,000 Days saying goodbye to my son? Only I’ve never found Acceptance, Lady Luna. The other day, I petted V’s head and said, “You’re a good boy, B.” So, 1,000 days, ha. Days, words, dollars. One thousand more won’t bring Braxton back to me… Braxton For 1,000, Virgil

1,000 Days Without B III, Day 441 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 117 ~Wrong Answers, B, V~

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I’m not right. When I know I’m wrong, I don’t exactly stop. Moral compass? All those don’t steal, don’t kill, and the rest. I know a few companies that would be pissed. My son is dead. And when X/Twitter is reporting on crimes. “Wrong Answers, B, V.”

Thursday, October 26, 2023

Tale 117 ~Wrong Answers, B, V~

998 Days Without B III, Day 439 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only 7:30 here, and I woke up at 4:00. Yesterday was even worse, B.

Not to sound like “Since U Been Gone…” I’ve looked at you as the angel on my shoulder, Braxton. But I would call you a little douche. And what was the middle ground? Just B. Every day, I wake up wishing you could just be. Because at the end of the day, your good dog moments beat out your bad puppy antics. It doesn’t work that way with men religiously. And when did I become one of the righteous? “I’m a man of God, but I don’t need a savior.” What I mean, Triple B, is I tried to “Do the Right Thing.” Saving you? Braxton, it couldn’t be done, and trying to keep you alive would have been a “Way Wrong Answer!” Killing you?

I swear B that there are no right answers in this world. And maybe that was your secret B III. You never answered questions. Hell! How many pictures do I have of your eyes, B? One of the few things Virgil Vivi has in common with you is that he doesn’t answer me. Wasn’t that one of the rules I had for you? Answer me so I know where you are in the room. It was the only way I could protect you. And again, did I? I failed miserably. And it’s not like you answer any of these letters anyway. I’m starting to feel like Bella from New Moon. Can I not think about Kristen Stewart or any girl? Another reason I’m late today

Yeah, Wednesday was a shit show. My head got slammed by a shelf Wednesday. But seeing how I woke up today, can I rule out a concussion? Anything that brings me closer to you. Only I’m not coming to The Rainbow Bridge, Heaven, not even purgatory. The 9th Circle. And why? Taking “my” own existence would be a sin. And I can’t even get that right despite all my studies. That’s what I was thinking about Wednesday… researching sin. There’s always death, primarily zombies. I said something this week about monster/demon girls… Succubi, Witches, Heather Loralie, the list goes on —torture, Hentai, and grieving fur babies. There’s punishment, sleep deprivation, no sex… Ha! Only Masturbation. There’s being broke, zero simoleons. Sigh. Wrong Answers, B, V.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 112 ~Virgil, A Fool B…elieves~

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I believed… okay, wanted to that God would save my son. I never believed books on grieving would help me. And I don’t believe a cookbook would do me any good, so I never bought one. Yet I believe in a billion dollars! “Virgil, A Fool B…elieves.”

Saturday, October 21, 2023

Tale 112 ~Virgil, A Fool B…elieves~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… and other lies I tell myself. I’ll wake up on time. Won’t commit a crime. Dimes?

I swear, Lady Lunalesca, I should already be up and about, and for what? To spend more money that I don’t have. And didn’t I refuse to stay longer at the Day Job? For what? Lunalesca, sing it with me. “I need some sleep. It can’t go on like this.” But did I, Lady Lu? “No, I don’t think I will.” And I wish I could say it was my guilt about my son, Braxton. Hell! What about Little Virgil? How is three treating him? I’m still in bed, Lunalesca. Going outside is the last thing on my mind. But again, I’m going to have to go out regardless. I gotta eat. Or rather, I won’t let Virgil starve. Am I a monster? A fool?

Every day, Lady Lunalesca, I read. Do you want to know why? I heard in some motivational speech from Eric Thomas… I “believe.” Anyway, he said Bill Gates reads 50 books a year. So, plenty of people read way more, but Bill Gates is worth $104 Billion. I swear, Lady Lunalesca! Warren Buffet is worth $106 Billion. There are many ahead of them. For sure, but I don’t know their reading lists. But what am I reading this week? Hmm. Princess Tamer: A LitRPG Harem Adventure by Neil Bimbeau. First, that name… Pseudonym, seriously. Second, it’s not like I can tell the Man in the Mirror this week. I got way too much stuff to do, Lady Lu, and why is that? Because I believe…

Sundays, Lady Lunalesca. I haven’t “talked” to God since B. And talking to myself, huh? Yeah. That guy is thirty-nine and doesn’t know anything besides Endure and Survive. Or how, as Andrew Ryan put it, “A man chooses. A slave obeys.” Lunalesca, a fool? Lunalesca, I believe that a small nap won’t hurt me, and then existence abandons me. Every day, I believe I deserve Hell for what happened to B III. Justice, revenge, whatever. Yet I treat the phone with much more care than I did him. Lunalesca, what could I give up? The Power of Love? I wish. As Todd put it, I believe in The Power of the, um, you know Lu. And then the things I do… Virgil, A Fool B…elieves

993 Days Without B III, Day 434 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 110 ~Virgil Sounds Off Braxton~

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I didn’t know V was howling. For a few weeks, he only coughed like hacking up a lung. Then his howl when I left, vomiting and barking at a possum. Hell! All I’m saying is don’t you effing die to myself. “Virgil Sounds Off Braxton”

Thursday, October 19, 2023

Tale 110 ~Virgil Sounds Off Braxton~

991 Days Without B III, Day 432 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Would I be better off if I lied to you? Sorry B, highway, government, time-travel…

This is why I’m talking to you today. “Good morning, and in case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night.” Since wrestling isn’t on tonight, I could watch The Truman Show. NXT was on Tuesday, and I didn’t watch any of it either B III. Roxanne Perez, Piper Niven… And yet, I wonder why I like M Anime so much. It’s the best of both worlds, but we’ll get to that. I should keep it in my pants, but Braxton Barks. Remember when your Aunt Carolina would come by, and you’d be awfully busy with your toy? And she had to let you run all over her massive pair of… Um, anyway, you were very vocal, liking her, not liking her.

But it would be nice if you kept her in your thoughts today. Triple B, please. Probably me, too. Wednesday… well, today for me. I’m thinking about what I have to do. Highways B… Thirty-nine and counting, unfortunately. And the only time I’ve taken a trip like this is when your Aunt was getting married. She’s not anymore, but I’m still scared to death. Hell! She is my friend, and you are my son. And that was enough to give me courage in 2019. And why do I need to talk about courage, your Aunt Carolina, and car rides? Braxton, we’re talking a few miles to prove to Uncle Sam that I am, whatever you say I am. Well, not you specifically. To you, I was Daddy. To them… sigh.

What about to Virgil? He’s sitting at the door in your room, but for once, he’s quiet. You should hear him when I leave the house. I’m sure you have. Have you been scaring him? I’m sorry, Triple B, for my attempts at Halloween humor. Will I even get to see it? Do I have no faith in my driving ability? Or that of other people? Remember sitting with me, Braxton? With my luck, I’ll even end up in Hell, a ghost or a zombie, with no chance of seeing you. If I make it back, I’m the monster or whatever Virgil thinks I am, All to defend a name I hate. And I don’t call Virgil my son. Yet, ever… Virgil Sounds Off Braxton

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 105 ~Let’s B Patient, Virgil~

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Patience is a virtue, THEY say. But with everything moving so slowly in “my” existence. I’ll say I’m always angry. And who’s fault is that? I’m the one moving slowly. It comes with age. And with Virgil turning three soon. Let’s B Patient, Virgil

Saturday, October 14, 2023

Tale 105 ~Let’s B Patient, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… And how long that must have taken. How patient have I been? But it’s not enough.

Thirty-nine years? Fifteen? Hell! 427 Days? Which is a year and around two months, Lu. And why so serious, sad, and sick so late this morning? For the record, it’s 8:10 AM. So my “Lazy Ass…” is sitting in bed. Of course, still worried about critics, con men, and Coppers, as in police. Is it me, or does that have an English sound, Lady Lunalesca? Whatever. If anything, there is ALWAYS time to mourn and memorialize. Plain ole miss my son. Only that wasn’t what was driving me last night. ALWAYS listen to B. Right? And if I had, he would be… Do you even have the patience to listen to this anymore, Lady Lunalesca? I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. I’m being honest.

I also want to exercise… what, my craft? I become more unsure of it every day. And that’s considering I haven’t walked down to the dining room table in a week or so, Lady Lunalesca. But what’s making me sad is what happened with Virgil. Again, he’s been here for 427 Days, and now what? He’ll be three on the 20th. How long did it take Braxton to be brave? To be bold and such a Bad Ass, that was/is my son. And he had to be with me around. With patience, “Daddy will save me. Save us,” he thought. And I promised him, Luna. But I have yet to promise Virgil anything. Other than the knowledge that I will not abandon him. The fence?

I have the patience of a saint to waste this existence, to await the next emergency. And to come up with my next excuse for why nothing’s happening. I’m here talking to you, and at the same time, I want to blame this laptop for going so slow. Which means more money to get a new one, and then what? I have more to worry, write, and whine about Lunalesca. Oh! Then I wonder why I can’t make it as a writer. When have I ever shown value, my Lu? That ice cream cheesecake I’ve been eating has more to it. The latest excuse is a sugar rush. Lunalesca, I’m crashing. I must be patient with… what’s that one F I’m thinking? Finding food, forgiving myself. Let’s B Patient, Virgil.

986 Days Without B III, Day 427 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 103 ~Virgil, B Leaves Better~

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B believed in me, and how did that turn out for him. I believed in what… God or some higher power. Again, how did that turn out for B. V’s been here 425 days, and I believe he’s on the fence. If it doesn’t collapse this Fall. Virgil, B Leaves Better.

Thursday, October 12, 2023

Tale 103 ~Virgil, B Leaves Better~

984 Days Without B III, Day 425 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As the song goes, “I’d love to get a letter. Like to know what’s what.”

It’s not like I’m any better with it B III. I ain’t Eric Thomas. But I got up around three-ish. Tell me THEY have sleep in Heaven… At the Rainbow Bridge or wherever you exist. Existence? No! You live, Braxton. Only it’s not here anymore. But as much as you struggled, you didn’t want to leave me. If only I had your strength. Well, I haven’t cried today, Braxton. But the day is still very much young. Daddy’s thirty-nine now. Which ain’t much compared to your age, I know. But every day, I take a step closer to Doom. Gaming? Braxton, there is no time for that. There’s no time for anything but killing it. Have you seen me these days at the Day Job?

Again, I’m looking for the tears to fall. I’m surprised there haven’t been more Braxton. Sweating bullets daily. And let’s not get into other bodily fluids… Eww! That’s one thing I can say about Virgil and his having no “interest” in toys. Not like you. Yeah, if you’re not sleeping, eating, or watching me. One more reason for me to behave. I know it, B. Don’t Look Down. I’m right, Braxton. And the leaves aren’t that pretty falling. Ha. I’m leafing through pages. It’s more like scrolling, but you understand. Anyway… there’s all these books. That aren’t about grieving fur babies. Ah! Viewers like you —my lost one, B III. And still, I think about leaving this place every day. Quit with the leaving humor?

It’s Fall, we get it. But calling it funny might be stretching. Which again reminds me of what I must do today and tomorrow. Stretch out? Convince people I’m “working.” Take a long car ride. And then there’s the cash. Is everything free wherever you are B III? This world has fallen so far. B III, some government types believe that there’s capitalism in paradise. That’ll suck. Hell! I owe you so much, Braxton. And Virgil, too. Only I haven’t fallen for him yet. Then why am I looking down to ensure he stays alive and well? Braxton, I’ve fallen for worse… sleep, Simoleons, and the opposite sex. I’d leave it all. Braxton, I believe plenty about zombies and necromancy. Death… Virgil, B Leaves Better

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 098 ~Must B Nice, Virgil~

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Must Be Nice to want to live. I’ll take Braxton’s, but as far as my existence? Must Be Nice to want to see how it ends? How many books are in the Backyard Dungeon and Satan’s Sorority Girls series? Time to read, work, but live? “Must B Nice, Virgil.”

Saturday, October 7, 2023

Tale 098 ~Must B Nice, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… which means I have many more off days. Being stupid, cruel… Republican… Must Be Nice, right

So, no, not a Republican. Despite the adage “Ignorance Is Bliss.” May I never be as ignorant as the GOP these days? Not to mention pretty Little Miss Bliss. But that’s for later, Lady Lunalesca.

Must Be Nice to feel love. And while I’m in a singing mood… Lady Lunalesca, no worries, I won’t burst into Lyfe Jennings’s song. Hell! If I knew anything about love, I would have followed Braxton. Anytime I “think” of a song from yesteryear, it’s always from B III. Why didn’t I follow Braxton? Why did I go after Virgil Vivi? Lunalesca, I’m remaining here. “Son, FEAR is the heart of love.” OR “I’ve got another level that I want to clear.” Why can’t I get to the point, Lunalesca?

Must Be Nice to talk. My critic says the same thing, asking about my point. “Will it go round in circles? Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky?” Can I cut the radio off? I know! Okay. As Cody Rhodes would say, what do you wanna talk about? Virgil, outside yesterday? Last night or a couple of nights back, I let Virgil out. He started barking at a possum I hadn’t seen sitting on the fence. “For the First Time in Forever,” Virgil became a protector. And other than when he was vomiting everywhere, I needed to save him, Lunalesca. Quickly, I ran down the steps and snatched him up, something like Forrest Gump, ha-ha. Virgil is still not my son.

Must Be Nice not to think that. But there is so much to unpack, ha. There’s no time, Lu. But it must be nice to have the time. Instead, one of the managers at the Day Job is buying me lunch. Free food is free food. I’m sure that’s one of Braxton’s lessons, Lady Lunalesca. Must Be Nice to have the will, not to “think” with my willy. Oh, the pretty mommies Bliss and Becky. To a woman like Piper Niven, Iyo Sky, then Roxanne Perez. And uh, Cherry. Must Be Nice not to drool on my Kindle. If anything, sigh. I want to read something that doesn’t involve dead fur babies or a Challenge. But nothing beats sleep, Lunalesca. Duration… Must B Nice, Virgil

979 Days Without B III, Day 420 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 096 ~CAR Carrying Braxton, Virgil~

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“Here in my car, I feel safest of all.” No. I never cared for driving, walking, or anything requiring me to leave the bed. I’m ungrateful? Hell! Anywhere I went was in service to Braxton. Movie nights, his Aunt’s wedding? CAR Carrying Braxton, Virgil

Thursday, October 5, 2023

Tale 096 ~CAR Carrying Braxton, Virgil~

977 Days Without B III, Day 418 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s Friday, September 29, 2023. So you know my day sucked. Much like car rides

Hell, “Anytime” I have to answer the phone or get a text from the Olds or Day Job. It’s never a good thing, Braxton. Virgil might have been doing good vomiting on it. Who am I kidding, right? I value the phone more than the car. But the thought that something is wrong with the car… Well, to keep from throwing up all day. It’s been bedrest, searching for books, and you know that B-word that broads have. Backyard Dungeon? And no, I’m not talking about that A-word broads have. I mean the second book. Permission? I asked you about reading something that doesn’t involve dead fur babies. Not that you were a fan of those books, anyway. But after finishing another Kindle Challenge… sigh.

Do you remember when I was driving to the library every other day? No. It wasn’t to pick up books, though I did eventually. And with what the car might cost me. I need books. Only that’s a problem for Saturday… of last week. This one, I hope, is better Braxton. Positivity? I told Lady Sophia that’s what all the motivational speeches always say. Not to mention, nobody likes reading negative things. I’d have a working car B. Well, if I could write something of value. Braxton, that’s like the car… negative outlook. Whenever you got in, it was never for anything good, even the park. For you, it was dogs, for me, people. Why can’t we stay… at the house? But, last vet visit…

That’s a bad choice of words. I’m sorry, B. You’d have given anything to hop back in the car and come back with me. But I left your cold body there. No collar, comfy spot, companion. When I carried you to the car, it was with the faith that I’d see a miracle, God, in action. But instead, much like when I drive to the Day Job. It was going straight to Hell. Not that I believe you’re there. Knowing me, it’s warm, and you’re saving me a spot by the fire. Having a car also allowed me to get fries and new toys, and your Aunt would visit us. I meant to bring you a mom. Now, another waiting room. CAR Carrying Braxton, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 091 ~Let’s Roll Braxton… Virgil~

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I’m on a roll… At least when it comes to “my” depression. My flat behind sitting in bed. Then, the car, going to places I would rather not be. Like somebody’s waiting room. Waiting to lose more cash. Well, it isn’t my son. Let’s Roll Braxton… Virgil.

Saturday, September 30, 2023

Tale 091 ~Let’s Roll Braxton… Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… And I still wouldn’t go anywhere. What a way to be positive! Hmm? No, NOT TODAY.

To keep things in perspective, It’s not like I’m going to lose Triple B Lady Lunalesca. Sunday, January 31, 2021, continues reigning as the worst car ride. Hell! I’m sure Braxton suspected that one day he’d get in the car and never see HOME again. And here we are, 972 Days in. Oh, B’s still with me everywhere I go. Heart, head, hanging around my neck. As people wear a crucifix, I wear my pendant with Braxton’s ashes. Positivity, Ha! Once again, not today. And it’s not like Virgil is getting off light either. Let him howl away. I would rather stay with him than deal with anything out in the world, to be sure. But then how would we eat? How will we, Lunalesca?

I was on a roll after yesterday. I had to time travel through an entire week. Short of talking to you again. What a way to start the week after E-Day month. As the song goes, “Wake Me Up When September Ends.” It’s more like, “So wake me up when it’s all over. When I’m wiser, and I’m older.” It has yet to happen. Luna, time keeps rolling along. As I hope the car does. Long enough to get me to the dealership mechanic. And then what happens? I can see whatever cash I have. Coins rolling away from me. The bank vault wheel closes up on me. Because what business do I have with them anymore? Put on a happy face. I think not

Not when it’s so easy to roll it over into a frown. And speaking of rolling over. If you’re wondering what is taking me so long today to talk to you. Anything to feel good… I’m like a slug, Lady Lunalesca, slithering, slobbering, but I have not yet slimed… Eww. Being on my belly or going to fetch some lube. Wouldn’t that require some legwork? Lunalesca, did I say that out loud? Am I finding reasons to miss the car, the inspiration I need to pay for it today? Sigh…

In August, it was the fence. It’s still broken. This month, it was me. And I’m wrecked. To say the least. Facing October, it’s the car. “Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’.” Let’s Roll Braxton… Virgil.

972 Days Without B III, Day 413 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 089 ~Paging Virgil, Knight Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

It wasn’t a big deal. I’d lay on the loveseat, and B would pick a spot and give me a look. “You good,” then he would listen to me, or if it was inappropriate, he’d fall asleep. Books and furry kids. Read all about it. “Paging Virgil, Knight Braxton.”

Thursday, September 28, 2023

Tale 089 ~Paging Virgil, Knight Braxton~

970 Days Without B III, Day 411 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing as how we’re speaking on Sunday, September 24, 2023. You can guess my day

I wonder if I’ll make it to the couch today. And no, that’s not me being mean to Virgil Vivi, B. I was going to call him “the Freeloader.” Yeah, I need to stop that. I’m sorry. It’s not like I haven’t lain in our usual spot and read. “And it hurts like hell. Yeah, it hurts like hell,” sometimes, as the song goes. But today, I’ll be exhausted, lazy, or just plain stupid, B III. However, you would never say that. You wouldn’t say much, and if I couldn’t… books. That’s what I want to speak to you about. Don’t worry… (snickers) yeah right. Anyway, Triple B, I’m not banning books. Remember all the books I couldn’t read you. You’re a big boy now.

But I’m not. Seeing as how I’m still talking to my dead furry kid. That’s what THEY would say. And Virgil? He would prefer I get out of bed. The Dining room table isn’t helping. Considering all those long days I would spend writing, you would know all about that. Only we’re talking about reading. And I was looking at the Man In The Mirror. I spent all this morning listing off the books I was getting for cheap or even for free from people. Hometown Hero (The Breeder Book 1), Witch Girl Study Group: The Complete Series, Backyard Dungeon 2: A Reverse Portal Fantasy, and more. The year you died, 2021, I read about six. 2022 was nearly forty, if not more, Triple B.

2023 started off promising, but with Kindle Challenges, the series I started, and a need for more time. And I have a whole library waiting… What exactly am I asking for, Braxton? Um, well… I would have finished A People’s History of the Vampire Uprising: A Novel. If it weren’t for running out of time or reading stuff, that would have someone reading me Miranda Rights at some point. And I hate reading anything about the bank and cash, but reading about dead fur babies vs. beautiful women and everything buried rising. Would it matter to you what I read, Braxton? Asking permission? As long as we’re together and still breathing. Braxton, I’m still reeling from your broken record. 526 Days. Paging Virgil, Knight Braxton

Always and Forever,
Your Dad