Braxton left me Safe and Sound… somewhat. My son saw me through the first Trump Presidency. And by the looks of things Virgil may become my “Dogmeat” leading me through the wasteland/commonwealth. But first, today. We’ll B Safe, Virgil
Thursday, February 20, 2025
Meditation 234 ~We’ll B Safe, Virgil~
1481 Days Without B III, Day 922 of Virgil’s Arrival
Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? What about a Lovely Day where Everything Is Awesome, without any Dumb Ways to Die?
Old age… Getting older wasn’t SAFE, Braxton. I wish I had told you that before.
“Immortality, take it, it’s yours!”
Immortal, that’s what you are. Well, according to me. It’s what you were supposed to be, Baby B. Did you even understand what was happening when your time came, Braxton?
All you wanted me to do was stop crying, which I am now. Because of you and what today’s about. What, am I giving life lessons now? Don’t people have visions and dreams? Dreams… When they’re hungry? I’m fasting, but not on purpose, so I must go out today. Sigh.
Before it’s not SAFE… There it is, Braxton. I don’t feel SAFE. I haven’t felt SAFE for the longest time, but yesterday pointed it out to me. The effing Wi-Fi!
What about the effing floor, sink, back porch, phone, bank account… Don’t Stop Me Now. Maybe if I go crazy, I’ll gain the courage to do something about it; that ain’t safe. I wouldn’t be joining you then if I went to Hell. For all I know, you’ve usurped Cerberus.
You protected me, Braxton. You kept me safe. And what about your little brother Virgil?
Again, the fact that he’s here means I’m still breathing; I’m Alive. Virgil is a miracle, I know, Braxton. Didn’t you ask me to acknowledge him? And yet, that’s one more reason I’m losing myself to the music today. Your music. Braxton’s Infinite Playlist. Awesome!
Because the world isn’t awesome, I don’t feel safe anymore. Rockwell said Somebody’s Watching Me. It’s like you’re still here, Braxton, watching over me. Right?
How many musical references is that? Eight? It’s confusing, Braxton. I don’t want to hear the phone alerting me to losing more money. Or that the battery’s dying. Wi-Fi… I don’t want to listen to the house crumbling all around me. Your home… Virgil’s running.
At the same time, I want the silence of sleep. The way my breath catches when I’m doing things, I hope you’re not watching from… Wherever you are. If I have food and water, I’m not talking to myself. But the truth is B, I don’t feel in charge. And V doesn’t feel SAFE. And he’s a reflection of me. If only I had a SAFE filled with cash… If only I wrote a book.
Finished? We’ll B Safe, Virgil.
“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)
Always and Forever,
Your Dad