Tag: Exist

Tale 316 ~That’ll B Mom, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Happy Mother’s Day! I’m grateful for my Mom. I never met the moms of my two boys, “biological speaking.” And as far as finding them a stepmom. I haven’t been in the mood to go places or watch porn. And there’s stuff with my Pa… That’ll B Mom, Virgil.

Sunday, May 12, 2024

Tale 316 ~That’ll B Mom, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… I’m not your mother or your monster, especially after yesterday. If anything, you need a moment. Right.

But today, let’s focus on your Ma. The one who has always been there, doing what mothers do. She gave you life, a gift that can never be repaid. She’s the one who forgives your mistakes when the monsters won’t. You were raised by the best, and yesterday, I swear… Let’s talk about it. No! Today is Mother’s Day! And it should be about her. What about Braxton? Every day…

You understand why he needed a mom. Virgil does, too. A mom is the ultimate comfy spot. All remember that. I suppose. The makers of men and women. First mattresses. Along with having something to stick in your mouth. Otherwise, you get Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 8: A Reverse Portal Fantasy by Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 007 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

That’s why you might find it hard to find the right words for your Ma today. You’ll text Happy Mother’s Day as usual. But what comes next? After yesterday, I understand why you might hesitate to open your mouth. It’s not her fault what happened yesterday. And yet she’s caught in the middle between father and son. Your father, yourself, her grandson Braxton. And Virgil?

Much like your nephew, he has yet to learn your role. You’re his mother’s brother, but when did you last talk to your sister? Now, your adopted sister, AKA Braxton’s Aunt. I swear the way Braxton would look at her sometimes. “Why can’t she be my mom, daddy?” I’m sure he would ask. Because you are such a good man with these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 9 (Is Done) Bikini Nights by Michael Dalton
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Honor thy father AND THY MOTHER! B’s Aunt is a mom. And you have to send so many messages today. Besides your Ma and your actual sister… Does M Anime want to be a mom? Cherry doesn’t, but she loves her Mum dearly. You love your Mom, but… There is no but when it comes to that. Only you want to say more, don’t you?

“The truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing.” You can’t be both a mistake and a miracle. Yesterday, you were one.

Today, you yearn to be the other, the miracle. And your Ma loves you, no matter what. If only you could love yourself as she does. You once loved like that; his name was Braxton. Sigh. That’ll B Mom, Virgil

1197 Days Without B III, Day 638 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 310 ~Heart, Soul, Trump Blood, Guts~

WillLeave a comment

I wish I had any of these things. There’s a reason I’m drawn to Hulu’s “The Mill” and Tubi’s “Share?” The Book of Clarence and Fifteen Million Merits, etc. These Black men lose all to gain or lose again. I’m a man… Heart, Soul, Trump Blood, Guts

Monday, May 6, 2024

Tale 310 ~Heart, Soul, Trump Blood, Guts~

Three-Hundredth And Forty-Second Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… So, if you’ll allow me, I’ll share a confession with you today. Mentally, Spiritually, and Physically Unwell.

“I’m not crazy; I’m just a little Unwell.” That’s the Understatement of the century right there, Madam. That’s not my confession. I have my son on my mind. Today is Sunday, May 5, 2024. And tomorrow, when you see this. As unbearable as B’s passing has been, I wish that were all there was, and then again… There’s a reason I said, heart and soul. Uh, Brains? How about flesh?

I’m not the Scarecrow. “Just stop it! Everybody knows (I’m a bleeping monster)!” A zombie. I’m looking for a brain. I lost my guts a long time ago. The only red I see is on my hands, Madam. And who does it belong to? Hmm? Say his name! Braxton. And now Virgil is here, too. Virgil’s joy, love, and happiness?

Doesn’t the Bible say something about this? Specifically, Mathew 10:28. Life and soul. I keep V alive, as my father does for me. But as far as the spirit of Life goes, both Virgil and I go without it. We wake up asking why. Breaths are taken, and hearts are beating. But my Little Braxton.

He was my heart that I left in a vet’s office on Sunday, January 31, 2021. Or it got mixed in with his ashes. Picking up another one isn’t as easy as walking into Petsmart.

So again, Madam, what am I left with? Heart and Soul, Blood and Guts. I’m not a fan of The Wizard of Oz, and this place is far from Wonderland. Dorothy, Alice, Holli Wood, Jessica.

Are you confused about where my mind has gone? So am I, but allow me to explain for the critic and anyone else… (Hears Crickets Chirping.) Dear Madam, I’d rather hear Cricket barking, Kristi Noem.

Anyway, here is a quick rundown, Madam:
The Wizard of Oz ― Dorothy
Alice In Wonderland ― Alice
Cool World ― Holli Wood
Who Framed Roger Rabbit ― Jessica Rabbit

Okay, Madam. I’m trying to say this: I can no longer answer the question or obey the Heart, Soul, Blood, and Guts rule because I’m hollow—an open book without any lines—make-believe, a machine, a monster, a mutation. And my confession? My Apologies, Madam.

I have no need, time, or will to say anything. Or do I prefer emptiness within? Because when I try filling or feeling it, Madam… Heart, Soul, Trump Blood, Guts.

“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1191 Days Without B III, Day 632 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 309 ~A “B Happy” Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

To be happy right where I am. The last time I had an inkling of what “happiness” might be like was when I was watching Star Wars movies with Braxton and his favorite girl. But she fell asleep by Revenge of the Sith *grumbles.* A “B Happy” Virgil

Sunday, May 5, 2024

Tale 309 ~A “B Happy” Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… —and according to everyone!!! I should watch how I talk to you. Still, it’s Sunday. So, FAIL?

Let’s talk about happiness, or rather, the lack thereof. I won’t tell you to be happy because that’s not how it works. You don’t want to lie, and I respect that. Your first words today were, “4:15 AM.” And that was after wondering why you had to wake up today.

You yearn for the simple joy of saying, “Good Morning, B.” Instead, there was your somber reflection in the “Black Mirror.” And then there was telling Virgil that it was time to go outside. After he did his “business,” those were your first “good” words of the day. Then there was reading and your audiobooks. We will get to those. And what about B’s Aunt yesterday? I wished her a Happy Birthday, but she has things to deal with, too. And with your daily ramblings…

She did say you’re a listening ear. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Bikini Days: An Unconventional Romance
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

This is why you’re reluctant to start “Morning Star” by Pierce Brown. You need stories with happy endings, so you know what that’s like. The unconventional relationship of Bikini Days. Backyard Dungeon? A man who has (pulls out a list) elves, half-demons, orcs, and goblins as wives. Is that happiness?

What does happiness sound like to you? There are no people around to model after.

Can you not think about models right now? You know what that will bring about. Between A.I. and all those young women trying to get a “college education.” Do girls still use that excuse? Not that you’re any better with your actions. Because you won’t sit down and write. Oh, this? According to the critic, you’re not just ranting, raving, rambling; you’re self-criticizing. Quite helpful.

Because happiness? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Uh… Logan Jacobs, Michael Dalton
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You’re not listening out for happiness. “But love is a long, long road.” And for now, you’re taking “The Long Walk.” Yeah, I’ve said it before. But it bears repeating because what else will you say to yourself? It won’t be anything good. Nowhere near great. And gross? That’s another thing. Everything you want is impossible, insane, inane, or illegal to some degree. However, there’s also wanting everyone else to be happy. Because you see yourself as the cause of their unhappiness. I swear, looking through the mirror. It hurts.

Happiness, Heaven, Hope? That was the sound of your son’s every breath in this world. It’s the silence in nothing breaking. But Braxton isn’t here breathing. “We gon’ be alright.”

Happiness… A “B Happy” Virgil

1190 Days Without B III, Day 631 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 303 ~Define Hell, Distance Between Lovers~

WillLeave a comment

Trying to find love… I’d have finished “my” poetry books. A few of the dirty ones. I’d have made money. And I would have saved B. But I gave my heart more like I owe my soul to the company store. And women? Ha! “Define Hell, Distance Between Lovers.”

Monday, April 29, 2024

Tale 303 ~Define Hell, Distance Between Lovers~

Three-Hundredth And Forty-First Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken or believed in, at the very least, belted out in all manner of things. I love you.

When was the last time I said those three little words? Have I told Braxton when I speak to him on Thursdays? Time and distance have been messed up. Welcome to Existence… Enjoy your stay…

Love, the essence of life, is a question that haunts me. Can one truly live without it? The answer is no, yet here I am, still breathing. And what about positivity? That’s a question I should be able to answer, but not today. Time Travel, it’s Monday, April 22, 2024.

So, a whole week. That’s an immense expanse, isn’t it? Further or Farther? Whatever, Sigh.

But where am I heading, really? It’s not towards anyone who cherishes me. Gazing at my reflection in the mirror feels like a journey to the hangman’s noose. But Madam…

Aren’t I in love with dying? Love Is A Long Road. And isn’t that the point of today’s rule, Madam? THEY say that if you’re going through Hell… keep going. But I’m a zombie at this point. Braxton’s a ghost. And Virgil is a werewolf. As in Where Wolf? Funny?

Madam, I’m so Far Away from the things I love. First is always my firstborn child, Braxton. Why don’t you tell me how long the Rainbow Bridge is? How high do I have to jump to get to Heaven? What is the acreage of the Elysian Fields? Anything dear Madam?

Approaching forty, I find myself in a peculiar situation. My parents, my Olds, still love me enough to shoulder most of my bills. It’s a daily walk of shame, Madam.

Do I love them enough to stop them? Do I love Braxton enough to let him go for a third time? Do I love Virgil enough to be the Dad I once was to his big brother? I’m not Alright.

So I don’t even imagine that there is some woman out there anymore, Madam. Thoughts?

You want to say, “She’s getting here as fast as she can.” But as I was working my dead-end Day Job—as I will be doing when you read this—I gave up. Not in the way I hoped because, again, I’m still breathing. But I’m walking through this Hell of unknown origin and distance. Only God Knows Why. Will some lover ever Find Me? Define Hell, Distance Between Lovers.

“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1184 Days Without B III, Day 625 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 302 ~We’ll B Firing Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I just found out that Virgil is a pretty smart cookie. I don’t mean the furry kid sitting in B’s room. But he’s brighter than Kristi Noem or Donald Trump. People who deserve to be fired or see fire. And me, my Braxton, Virgil? “We’ll B Firing Virgil”

Sunday, April 28, 2024

Tale 302 ~We’ll B Firing Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And what a horrible way to start the morning. Hmm? Looking at me? Not looking at Virgil.

Dirty words! There’s a reason why “reading” a new book is always at the top of your Impossible Things. The last books I’ve read have been flirty, filthy, and foul-mouthed.

Not one about my fur buddy, Braxton! Oh, my son! My Sweet Lord. And I know you’re not finding religion on this Sunday morning. But if we can finish our conversation in three hours. That would be a miracle. And like happiness. Miracles don’t exist. But existence by yourself is your cross to bear. But wait a minute. Where’s Virgil? In Braxton’s room, doing a wicked witch impression, “Look what you’ve done! I’m melting! Melting!”

Because it’s hot, you know that. My shift ended last night at 11:59 PM. As I failed, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Possessive Stepbrother (Steamy Shorts Book 1)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And what if I had accomplished them? Is the heat giving you delusions of achieving such a feat? That’s the point of all this “existing,” right? To want to “live” again, even without Braxton. Hmm?

It’s like I’m Jacob Marley. Or one of the Christmas ghosts, and you’re Ebenezer Scrooge. Wow! It’s so hot you’re dreaming up references to snow. Anyway, you’re warning yourself not to be like me. And that’s why I don’t survive a week working, living, existing.

And now here you are. It’s only 8:30 AM. And your Impossible things have already resulted in two failures. At this rate, you should go into politics. Only you have a higher opinion of yourself. How did that happen? With these references, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Bikini Days: An Unconventional Romance
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

I wish I could say I think the world of you. Braxton did. How did that turn out for B?

The rage at the Day Job, the fire that burned inside me that I tried to protect him from. It made the world Hell. “If I cannot move heaven, I will raise hell…” Wow! Did you find that quote from Virgil today? Yes, the actual Virgil. Not the little dog sitting alone in Braxton’s room.

Anyway, a disease burned through little Braxton’s body, and it sent him on his journey. And, some oven someplace turned B III, my soldier, son, and soul, into smoldering ashes.

For Virgil and I. I won’t cut on the A/C. Someday, Virgil’s fate could follow Braxton’s. We’ll B Firing Virgil.

1183 Days Without B III, Day 624 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 296 ~Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fire~

WillLeave a comment

I don’t smoke… anything anymore. But now people are banning and/or burning books. There are plenty of hot bodies. And it’s been around 1177 days since my boy was burned. That was Thursday, February 4, 2021. Troubled? Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fire

Monday, April 22, 2024

Tale 296 ~Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fire~

Three-Hundredth And Fortieth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken, but how do I even see them? And no, I have not aligned with the book burners—never! But how do I even perceive these rules, these societal norms that seem to guide our every step? But…

Never say never, right? As far as I was concerned, Braxton, my beloved son, would live forever. And Virgil? I should pick up a book on dog training. I’ve said the same about a cookbook.

That brings me back to cooking. What did I consume that’s causing this unsettling feeling? If I still do, Justice. It’s Sunday, April 14, 2024, and as I converse with you today, you know your Monday is a source of dread for me. I anticipate this entire week will be much the same thing. Sigh.

I see the bad moon a-risin’. Is that another way of saying, I see smoke?

When it came to my son, I pretended not to. And again, there’s Virgil. There’s this house. My entire existence…

But let’s start with something smaller… something bigger. I am equal opportunity when it comes to the female form. I shouldn’t make jokes if I don’t want to be a comedian. Only, I’m not a fireman, either. When things get hot… For example, Sylvia Van Hossen and Saya Otonashi. What is it with me? A few weeks ago, my thing was older women in formal attire. Today, it’s girls with swords. It doesn’t take anything to get me hot and bothered. Heavenly Sword’s, Nariko. Ha-Ha.

Inevitable, like my thirst, terror, or tonight, tomorrow, and the next day wishing I was…

Anyway, I wish I knew what it was that gets me to, “fire away.” Is it the stress of seeing everything getting burned all around me? But again, I pretend.

Only I know I must light a fire under myself to get moving. The fact remains. I got this week’s schedule and know I’ll be burning with my humiliations galore, like the Fourth of July.

Only I know I can’t escape the fires that await me. If I do right by Virgil Vivi, will I have the chance to see my son again? Even before I knew my little Braxton, I was set to burn.

There is smoke everywhere, and I don’t know if I’m cold, cruel, or cowardly anymore. The one thing nobody says about me is, “Let him cook.” No, I’m not that special, my lady. I know.

But I am troubled. There’s smoke and darkness. Lighten up? Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fire

“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1177 Days Without B III, Day 618 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 295 ~Virgil Presses The B’s~

WillLeave a comment

A happy worker bee? Well, I wasn’t. But Braxton? Protect the house and protect me. And I’m sure my son minored in psychology. Virgil on the other paw. He drifts from one comfy spot to the next because what have I taught him? “Virgil Presses The B’s.”

Sunday, April 21, 2024

Tale 295 ~Virgil Presses The B’s~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And your land isn’t flowing with milk and honey yet. Doesn’t that involve work? Take a shower, for starters. You have the power to change your circumstances.

DO SOMETHING! That means more than reading so many books on “relations.” There’s more than waiting on The Walking Dead. You’re here, looking at yourself in the mirror like 1984’s O’Brien and Winston. That’s a pretty gruesome image. It explains why we don’t like each other and makes you miss B III all the more. And what about Virgil Vivi?

He’s sleeping on the floor waiting. For what? For you? What will you do besides waiting for the next P.Y.T. that comes across your feed, reel, or timeline? Whatever. And isn’t that what put Braxton in a box? The critic never understands this… Braxton, the “dog,” was euthanized. Happy now? Anyway, it was that whatever attitude, indifference, and apathy for him and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 5, Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Don’t be like me. A B Keeper? It’s too late for that. And this coming week, it’s not like you’ll have much time for the newest blockbuster. I enjoyed watching ‘Civil War,’ But you don’t have time for movies now. Remember, time wasted is time you can never get back.

And I’m not just talking about the ones in the box office. But the kind of pictures and movies that turn learning Japanese from a hobby into a necessity. The type that makes the song “Turning Japanese” make sense. Uh…

I could go on. But why not read another book? What book are you reading this week… If you can find the time, it won’t be something about missing Braxton. And Virgil is due for an annual veterinary appointment. With what money? Hmm. Make it!

By doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Possessive Stepbrother (Steamy Shorts Book 1)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

And why isn’t love on the list? Because Virgil is still on the floor, and you don’t want to look up at yourself. It’s easier to press down on these keys before you than face yourself. Speaking of keys, you’ll have to leave to go to the Day Job. And then what will you do?

You’ll have all your buttons pressed. And the only thing they’ll do is have you wanting to press yourself down harder on this bed that you can never leave. But you don’t want to either. You wake up, and you have to exist in the hive. A worker bee. Hilarious…

Because if you were, your boy would have lived. You’d find love. You’d DO SOMETHING! Anything! Virgil Presses The B’s.

1176 Days Without B III, Day 617 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 289 ~Failure Is A Temporary Condition~

WillLeave a comment

Braxton’s box looks permanent to me. But I know he speaks to me through books, beats, and this boy eating out of his dish. And speaking of Virgil. He keeps courageously running in here and trying to be friends. “Failure Is A Temporary Condition”

Monday, April 15, 2024

Tale 289 ~Failure Is A Temporary Condition~

Three-Hundredth And Thirty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… I should have made one that said I wouldn’t make it to forty. Thirty? Braxton was fifteen.

Almost sixteen. So that would mean B III was somewhere between seventy-six and eighty. But he will always be my baby. He will always be my son. Dare I say, my first real love? Tupac said ain’t a woman alive that can take his Mama’s place. Same, my dear Madam, same. But ain’t a woman alive that can take my Braxton’s place. I swear it.

Madam, I’m so late this afternoon. It’s Sunday, April 7, 2024, 2:15 PM, to be precise. If you’re wondering why. I was drooling over Maiko Kaneda this afternoon. Sigh. She is the perfect woman, the goddess. I know. I would give her or any girl up for my B III.

But why? I failed Braxton. Final, finished, friendship’s fatal finale.

1170 days, Madam, and I’m still shedding tears over him. I save none for myself. Euthanasia is a permanent condition. B III’s gone, and he’s never coming back to me.

Unless I continue to fail at this existence, and that’s the thing. Failure isn’t required. Madam, no matter what, this will all end, and then what? Gods, Devils, Heaven, Hell. You know where I stand, religiously speaking. But I will never believe my son simply winked out of the universe. And he would follow me anywhere. Comfy clouds, warming fires.

But until then. What now? Once again, I have failed for thirty-nine years. My success. Today, it’s the fact that we’re here. So, as I told the Man in the Mirror, how does that help?

I bet I failed to “keep it in my pants.” My money, many distractions, or my monster, dear Madam. As I said, Maiko Kaneda. Cue me drooling like Homer Simpson for another minute or two. Minuteman, indeed (snickers). And hopefully, I’m not into Helldivers 2.

You know I need to make sound financial decisions. And with everything that’s broken here.

This afternoon, I could have been a decent friend to Virgil. I can’t blame him for not holding it in. And if it isn’t him going outside, there are permanent tear tracks down his face.

Madam, my eyes are permanently tired. But this would all be a temporary hardship if…

I did something? Braxton’s in the universe. What about chances? Failure Is A Temporary Condition

“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1170 Days Without B III, Day 611 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 288 ~Braxton, Virgil, Damage Report~

WillLeave a comment

I’m sure THEY once asked, “What’s your malfunction?” Or “What’s your damage?” How long do you have? B had fifteen years. And he went to the grave, seeing me cry about something. And V’s damage. I should figure that out. Braxton, Virgil, Damage Report

Sunday, April 14, 2024

Tale 288 ~Braxton, Virgil, Damage Report~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And it sucks to be you right now. Too bad Braxton and Virgil can’t talk. Then again…

Your boys were/are honest men. It’s one of the reasons Virgil isn’t sitting here today. Braxton’s room is safer? B could be a ghost or some other type of spirit. And while you’ve been busy reading about those ghosts, a coven of witches, and a college boy possessed by a satanic entity, what are you? One more day down, only to rise. Not exactly resurrected.

In your head, zombie, zombie…

If only you could make Braxton the Cerberus of your thoughts? Strange, isn’t it? Virgil. He got his name because he was supposed to guide you through this. What? Inferno?

Today, though, what do you know? At 10:00 AM, you have already failed at existence. You’re content reading about others’ successes. Your Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Golden Son (Red Rising Book 2)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

But seeing how you still have this list means you have another chance. Yeah, it’s another opportunity to fail. And since you’ve already made one list, here’s another. Damage Report!

Let’s start with you. Do you remember the Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident and The Cherry Collision? How sick were you? Now, you feel the opposite of that illness. It’s scary.

The backyard fence is breaking. Before long, there will be more holes. And then what? Going inside, the kitchen faucet has low pressure. But still, you need to do something to fix it. And you need to check on the bathroom downstairs. Have any guests around? And what about the floor itself? The mess that was made. Tax Refund is currently $335.00. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 5, Eric Vall
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

So how do you fix it? You got an answer for that: money. So here’s a question: How do you make money? You know what you’ll be doing all day. Besides being lazy? You are going to worry about the Day Job. Okay, so how do you stop worrying about your Day Job? You sit down and write. Did you say that out loud? Now, that’s my fault. I’m sorry.

For forty-five minutes, I was getting into those motivational speeches yesterday. It gave you loads of false hope that everything would be alright. Uh, no. Not now, not ever. Sigh.

And so you sit here, not the captain of your own “existence,” not even a survivor. Looking to your boys, asking Braxton, Virgil, Damage Report

1169 Days Without B III, Day 610 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 282 ~Your Father’s Sins Aren’t Yours~

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I didn’t think I’d be a Dad again. Most would say I wasn’t before, as my son has four legs. B’s been gone 1163 days. While I won’t call V, son. And he’s been here 604 days. Some Dad’s “get what’s coming,” “Golden Son.” Your Father’s Sins Aren’t Yours

Monday, April 8, 2024

Tale 282 ~Your Father’s Sins Aren’t Yours~

Three-Hundredth And Thirty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… Because I’m worse than my father ever was. My son is dead. Yes, Braxton was/is my son.

I hadn’t planned on talking about this today. What, Braxton? No. I mean on fatherhood.

Not to sound cliché, ha-ha. But I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Fatherhood is the epitome of manhood. To me, it is. Take everything you would say that makes one a man.

There was a particular part of me that was quite hard this morning. What, Madam? I was reading by 5:00 AM. Anyway, it’s not that desire, distraction, or deception, Madam.

There’s the aftermath—sons and daughters—everything I want in this world. At the top of the list would be my son, Braxton. Right behind him, Madam, there’s family. And what family do I have? Selfish thirty-nine-year-old so and so. I know that, dear Madam.

A man provides. And isn’t that what my father has done for me? Isn’t that what I do for my… son? Virgil? I’m still not calling him that, but I do much worse daily, Madam.

Shouldn’t I be taking Virgil outside now? Not until 8:00 AM. And what have I been doing besides talking to you? As I said, I’ve been reading Golden Son. Madam, if you knew how many fathers “got theirs” in the last few chapters of that book. All of them sinners in one way or another. But aren’t we all? The things we do to protect and provide. And just to procreate. Braxton never had a stepmom. And I hold out even less hope for Virgil.

Because of what grand sin?

Honor thy father and thy mother? Braxton didn’t have to worry about me reading the word of God to him. And he was the word of God to me. We all have our daddy issues.

God may not have given us the spirit of fear. That was my father’s job or hobby. I’m not a godly man. The last time I asked “Father God” for anything. It was for my son’s life. And again, who am I to complain? I held Braxton’s life. Madam, I took it from him. Inevitable.

I am my fathers’ son. The best man I’ve ever known didn’t have kids. I won’t have to worry about that with Virgil. He can live by this rule—maybe. Your Father’s Sins Aren’t Yours.

“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1163 Days Without B III, Day 604 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will