Thursday, August 21, 2025

Journey 051 ~Press B For Virgil~

1663 Days Without B III, Day 1104 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day… All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied. Honestly?

I want to dance to “Simple Kind of Man” at my wedding. A Mother and Son dance with me and your grandma. And if I can satisfy you and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime… Well, you can guess who the bride will be. Do I care for her, Braxton? Always.

Like I said to you all the time, “You and me always, and forever.” A song from Lynyrd Skynyrd and now The Wannadies. What’s wrong? Your Dad’s communication skills, Ha!

I haven’t communicated to the Carpenter Ant population that there kind ain’t welcome here. I swear I’m sounding like such a MAGA Cracker Hat. But I’ve only killed one today.

Ants Braxton, not people Ha-Ha.

And the day is still young. I could finally convince Virgil that he’s welcome here. He’s been here since Saturday, August 13, 2022. But he shakes, rattles, and rolls. Like father, like son. Does he ever talk to you when he’s all by his lonesome? How did I do this?

Braxton, how did I learn to speak your language? You had your four rules, and you lived by them for nearly sixteen years. And here I have the rest of my life. Or Existence, Braxton.

Bless you for reminding my son. I had to request time off for E-Day. Effing E-Day! The only good thing that ever happened on E-Day is meeting your Favorite Girl. I wish I could meet my Favorite Girl on E-Day.

You and Braxton’s stepmom, M Anime. That’s where my communication skills failed me, B. You weren’t the best at that either. Your Favorite Girl thought you wanted to eat her.

I wouldn’t mind eating your stepmom. I know B. Eww! You don’t want to hear that. But again, I’m not the best at communicating. You wanted to go home, and I sent you home. Your passing will always beat E-Day. Anyway, today your stepmom was sad, thinking I wanted her to go away, break up, end our friendship. With all the people in this world…

Braxton, I want her to be my always and forever. Dammit, I want to fill her up and name one of those two-leggeds after you. I want to tell her everything. Even more than you.

Really? Press B For Virgil

“Those words, those words, those words, they have power. They have more power than you ever imagined.” Jaxx, Play’d (2002)

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, August 14, 2025

Journey 044 ~Braxton’s Peace, Virgil’s Hope~

1656 Days Without B III, Day 1097 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day, these days, feels like The Long Walk. That’s an appropriate book for you.

I wish I could have read it to you, Braxton. But have I even cried for you today, my friend?

I’m not sure. Let’s say I was leaking a different kind of fluid. First off, Eww! Secondly, no, I didn’t… Not really. You had your Favorite Girl with your Aunt. I have mine with you and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. She was feeling pretty naughty when I got up.

I know, I know, B. Can I stop talking about Daddy things, and especially Aunts or ants, for real? My eyes are like a pair of aching feet. Say what now? Up and down from the buttons I press to the wall outside, looking for those buggy bastards to strike again. I swear B III.

“Just make this go away.”
“Just one more peaceful day.”
It’s Been Awhile by Staind

“Don’t look down
Don’t feast your eyes on the things that are on the ground
And if it gets hard to focus
When you’re driving almost at the speed of sound
Feeling nowhere bound
Remember what I told you, and don’t you dare look down.”
― David Ryan Harris (2003)

All I want, Braxton, all I need besides you, M Anime’s yabbos, or Coldplay’s Yellow.

“Your skin, oh yeah, your skin, and bones
Turn into something beautiful
And you know, you know I love you so
You know I love you so”
Yellow by Coldplay

Seriously, so I’m supposed to be Neo now? “The One.” Don’t forget, that was your name for a couple of days. You were my little Neo, well, my sister’s before you decided to jump onto the bed and dig into a plate of Waffles. Or was it French Toast? And then you became Little Pancake. I must be hungry. That bag of Cheetos from the Day Job has me ill.

“Deus Ex Machina: What do you want?
Neo: Peace.”
― From The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

Honestly, your little brother pulls the same move. When I’m eating, he cuddles up with me with hope. “He’s My Son,” as Mark Schultz puts it. But that’s like comparing my sister and me to our Old Man. The Favorite.

I bet her house isn’t crumbling into pieces. And she’s not sitting somewhere watching for Carpenter Ants. Jeezu, am I right! No, I’m scared, I’m terrified. And I can hear you, Little B, Be Not So Fearful. Unfortunately, terrible nights lead to effing mornings breathing.

“Jeezu, protect my soul. Wash my sin and let me fly.
Jeezu, protect my soul. Wash my sin and let me shine”
― Jeymes Samuel

“Woke Up This Morning,” but I didn’t go all Tony Soprano. Again, I was staring at everybody else’s Yabbos, and then your stepmom sent some pictures sans her clothes and:

“So now, what should I do?
I’m strung out, addicted to you.
My body aches, now that you’re gone
My supply fell through.”
Akira Yamaoka

Pieces of the old me, Braxton. But I never liked who I was. Virgil and M Anime do try B.

But you were the wall, and I fell. I failed you. And now you’re my road of The Long Walk. I go, I crumble, wanting this. Braxton’s Peace, Virgil’s Hope.

“I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But it’s home to me, and I walk alone.”
― Green Day

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, August 7, 2025

Journey 037 ~Don’t B Frontin’ Virgil~

1649 Days Without B III, Day 1090 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Myself? I’ve cried. I didn’t get paid. Been humiliated. But allow me to be official:

To General Braxton Barks Bradford:
Here on the front lines… The Dining Room table overlooks the backyard. Our lines are holding steady. There has been no trace of the Carpenter Ant enemy in days, General. Though I am reluctant to claim victory. The Captain and I… Your little brother, Virgil.

We remain armed and ready to battle the invaders. Vigilant and prepared, all is stillness.

Yet the toll has been significant. A few inches of the shed door have been annihilated by the Carpenter Ant menace. Several more inches are heavily damaged. No casualties to report amongst the brave who fight to maintain your territory. Though both Virgil and I have received bites from our daily walks and skirmishes from those six-legged freaks, B III.

“We must meet the threat with our valor, our blood, indeed with our very lives to ensure that human (and dog) civilization, not insect, dominates this galaxy now and always!”
Sky Marshall Dienes, Starship Troopers

To Manager Braxton, Of Braxton’s Savings And Loans:
I know it’s been weeks since I made a deposit. It’s these times, Sir. And with the recent war effort… Not in Gaza, or the war the MAGA Cracker Hats have declared against the American people. I mean the war in “my” backyard, literally. Well my Olds backyard, anyway. The point is, I have been pouring resources into simply holding on B.

Much like Tom Waits singing you gotta “Hold On.” Or Luther from “Detroit Become Human,” I am holding on. And I ask for your patience and for your perseverance, Braxton.

Oh, you got to hold on, hold on
You gotta hold on
Take my hand, I’m standing right here, you gotta hold on
Tom Waits

“Hold on just a little while longer
Everything will be all right.”
Detroit Become Human

The strength you showed as you faced the end, Sunday, January 31, 2021. Your Euthanasia. I’m trying… be the body, not the shadow, hold space.

To Braxton, my firstborn son:
I would deny myself before I deny you anything. If you knew how many times I’ve sung the words of Mark Schultz’s song, He’s My Son. “Let me take his place somehow.” I would have taken your place, Braxton, without question. If anything, I should have followed “long ago, long ago, long ago.” You gave me nearly sixteen years of your life as a soldier, the one who held me accountable, and as my best friend. My little Braxton Barks.

Now I sacrifice everything for “family.” I care for you and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. And keeping Virgil alive, cutting off subscriptions to save money. Effing WWE channel changes! Anyway, I sit before you today. Don’t B Frontin’ Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, July 31, 2025

Journey 030 ~B’s, Aunts, and Virgil~

1642 Days Without B III, Day 1083 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I was up right on time, and I’m still late talking to you. So today?

Buggy and sad. I did cower under the covers longer than I should. Sunrise was at 5:58 AM, and I wanted to be up at 5:45 AM. I wasn’t. I’ve said a few times this week that your Dad is a coward. Why can’t I just be lazy? As a matter of fact, why can’t I just die, B III?

So I cower and can’t die, so what’s left? “Tonight I Wanna Cry.” But again, I got started early. As soon as I got out of bed to walk your little brother. Only I wasn’t crying about him or you. Your Favorite Girl, your aunt, ain’t here. And neither is your and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. Though she texted. Porn doesn’t bug her. Yay!

First off, EWW! But give me a woman who wants it rough like Ariella Ferrera and ‘dirty’ like Tsubaki Miyajima from Saimin Seishidou. It’s how you get two-legged siblings, B.

What about your little brother, Virgil? I didn’t forget to check him for bugs today.

However, what about the rest of the house? I don’t have to worry about giving him the talk about the birds and the bees. Uh, yeah. Your brother has no balls. So why do I?

Seriously, ants are destroying the house. Is that why I was crying? I look at what has become of your territory, Braxton, and it’s more like you’re the father and I am the son today.

Denethor and I’m your Faramir. You couldn’t be so cruel.

It’s one of the traits I’m glad you didn’t inherit from me. My cruelty and indifference mean that I don’t give a crap. My cowardice. “Abandon your posts! Flee, flee for your lives!” That wouldn’t be you, Braxton. It wouldn’t be M Anime. How can I tell her like Zapp, “I Want to Be Your Man.” And at the same time, “I am lucky if I learn to read and write.. Where I live, you must first learn to stand and fight.” To be a “Superhero” like New Power Generation sings about. But I’m a “Blankman.” How can I eff M Anime, be a father, and have a family? Your aunt would be proud. Ants should die. I’m crying. And bugged!

B’s, Aunts, and Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, July 24, 2025

Journey 023 ~Heaven’s A B, Virgil~

1635 Days Without B III, Day 1076 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day, Braxton? This month? This year? Most of it, I’ve woken up in tears.

Or something else… Eww! You and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime, would understand. But that comes later. Again, Eww! Let’s stick with my tears for now. Why? I owe you an apology. Next to crying, apologizing to you would be another one of those things that I could do forever. Like something out of Drive Angry. What’s my Hell, B?

“Fire isn’t the worst part. It’s the video feed. It’s not about your suffering, your burning. It’s about the suffering of those you love, because… that’s all you see… in full detail. And there’s nothing you can do to shut it off.”
Drive Angry (2011)

I would be frozen watching you die over and over in that hospital room. Euthanasia. Worse? I could be frozen, unable to end your suffering and watching you waste away. Further? I could be frozen in bed as you cry that Wednesday night, Thursday morning.

Let It Go, Elsa! You’d rather hear me moaning over her Yabbos, or your could be stepmom, M Anime again.

It’s why you had your own room, Braxton AKA my library, AKA where your little brother should be. But of course, I had to check on Virgil. And here’s another sin I should have confessed to Inspector Echo yesterday. The fact that I’m trying to convince Virgil that this place is better than Hell. Hell and sin? Speaking of those two things, yesterday was hot.

Only it wasn’t the weather. Please, Braxton, you know your Daddy and my hoodies, hmm.

The Visual Lady with the nice hooters at the Day Job asked why I’m always wearing hoodies. Considering I’ll end up in the Ninth Circle for my “Treachery.” I betrayed you, my son. Anyway, I might as well be as warm as I can today.

But yesterday I was hot and sweaty trying to create a book cover for you, and AI is way smarter than I. I failed to do it, Braxton, and it doesn’t need to be said, but I’ll fail to have your book ready by Friday, July 25, 2025. Three weeks. And I’m nowhere near finishing.

Braxton, I couldn’t finish “My Turn To B III,” and I dare to try and pull you away from Heaven. Is it nice up there? Because from where I’m sitting, a B always beats an F. Failure and fire. At least I’m not a MAGA Cracker Hat, a slave to their “Führer” Trump. FDT always

But today I’m not headed to Heaven. Hell’s closer. This house? Heaven’s A B, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, July 17, 2025

Journey 016 ~Virgil’s Lawyer, Braxton’s Law~

1628 Days Without B III, Day 1069 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? What about me? I object to that question. I plead the fifth. I want to…

You “Make Me Wanna Die.” That’s me talking to myself, B. And it’s why I despise that question coming from people. Did I have a good day? More like, how are you? And there are only so many times I can say I’m “Feeling super, super (super!) su*cidal.” So I’ll lie…

“Yes, yes, I lied, I’m a writer, I give the truth scope!”
A Knight’s Tale

But how will I lie? Effing MAGA! FDT! Do you remember Braxton? You saw me through Trump’s first presidency. Hell, the country was nearly overthrown on Wednesday, January 6, 2021. But you had a vet appointment on Friday, January 8, 2021. And on Sunday, January 31, 2021, you would be dead, euthanized, and no more. But I’m Still Here.

And this is no Treasure Planet. But like MAGA’s Cracker Hats, I’m changing the subject.

How am I doing? Did I have a good day? I love you like pancakes, but I’m “Just A Man.”

Yeah, a man who’s woken up with tears in his eyes for a couple of weeks. Why? B, I’m “ALIVE,” “I Feel So ALIVE!” But I’m not the Capital Kings, Pearl Jam, or Meat Loaf.

Speaking of Meat Loaf, that’s my safe word. Eww! What, Braxton, do you and Virgil want a stepmom or don’t you? Should I survive until the winter and meet your potential stepmom, M Anime? She and I have plans. Yet I wanted to talk to you, my son, before her.

I’m not hiding anything from her, Girl, “I Care ‘Bout you.” I’m there for you. That’s your Dad being romantic.

And isn’t it “Ironic?” Don’t you think? Those two individuals that I care for… You are my firstborn son, and your (stepmom) M Anime, whom I care so much for. You both would be better off if you had never met me. I love you, and I REALLY like M Anime a lot. Her yabbos, (drools). Almost six likes and Carter Wilson said in Finding Carter, “Just so you know, when you reach SIX “reallys”, you’re TECHNICALLY supposed to switch over to “love.” Ironic, right?

Braxton, I can’t explain it to you, and neither can Alanis Morissette. But explaining myself?

I forgot to check your little brother, Virgil, for bugs. Life is a soup, and I’m a fork. I have 10,000 and need a knife. Where’s Virgil’s Lawyer, Braxton’s Law?

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, July 10, 2025

Journey 009 ~To B Late, Virgil~

1621 Days Without B III, Day 1062 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As usual, I’m late, and I do apologize, Monsieur B. What excuses do I have?

I’ve been chatting away, you and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. I haven’t slept well. And when I stop and think on “life” B I’m “Feeling super, super (super!) su*cidal.”

How long has it been? And I’m still not late. I wanted to take a nap a few days ago, but I was much too busy pulling ticks off of your little brother. It’s “Dirty Work” B. And not in the Tony Warren type of way. And speaking of yanking, wanking, and spanking. I know. Eww! Your Daddy is gross between M Anime, Cherry, and @SeeJaneGoTV” Yabbos. Braxton, you might be late for dinner, wanting to cuddle those dirty pillows.

“Dinner, Breakfast, and Lunch.” I’ve had a hard time getting Virgil to eat anything. SIGH

Did I mention I’m not sleeping as I listen to him cry all night? Or is it me? I don’t think I’ve cried today. Yesterday I was crying over your book. But it wasn’t because I “Miss You Much.” Janet Jackson? I do miss you, Braxton, but remind me to send this to M Anime.

She and I are always trading songs. But with everything going on, I’m not sure I’ll even make that lovers’ rendezvous. I would never deny you or her anything, but remember how long it took you and your favorite girl to get along? And now that your Dad has one.

I think you would like M Anime. But I also enjoy eating, and even if I published on the 25th…

I don’t think I can. Of course, you would throw The Pillows song “I Think I Can” at me, B.

Funny how words can have different meanings. Pillows? Do I mean where I cry a lot? Or where Virgil lies right now. The band? Or on the chest of the girl I pointed out to M Anime? Even she admitted that Jane has quite a pair of melons. She and I make quite the pair. This is why she could be your future stepmom. Virgil? Who knows his little mind?

But you didn’t want puppies, and you kept your “McNuggets.” M Anime might one day tell me that she’s late. Do you need more siblings, Braxton? “I Need A Dollar.” Bills! To B Late, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, July 3, 2025

Journey 002 ~So, Wings? Braxton, Virgil~

1614 Days Without B III, Day 1055 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Did you get to where you’re going safely? What, right here by my side today?

Forgive me, but it takes a concentrated effort to even remember what day it is. Fireworks, notwithstanding. I swear Independence Day is like Armageddon for your sort. Virgil wasn’t too thrilled last night, and we haven’t even made it to the fourth yet. And me?

Braxton, you remember when I would sing to you, “Don’t look down.” Don’t feast your eyes on the things that are on the ground.” I know, I’m no David Ryan Harris. I’m not Marina either. All Teen Idle. But I’m still “Feeling super, super (super!) su*cidal.” I’m not singing that to Virgil. Your little brother has been hearing me mutter the word “EAT” all this week. Does that remind you of anyone? Your last day? Your last meal? And today…

Well, seeing as how I have to go and buy more dog food. Yes, your brother is eating, B III.

Anyway, maybe it was that terrible Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese I had yesterday. Braxton, I swear I thought I was going to get food poisoning. But this morning I had a hankering for some ranch wings, with that WILD sauce from Buffalo Wild Wings.

Braxton, you’ve been gone four long years, and I can’t remember if you were here when I discovered that. I want to remember the good things about you, about us. That’s something I’ve been saying a lot to you and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime.

We’ll get to her. Now, I’m hungry and trying to forget my humiliations at Walmart.

There was a time when Walmart had a new guy, and I walked away with a half-filled bucket of chicken. Why? I don’t have the courage that Oliver Twist possessed.

Please, Sir, I want some more.
― Oliver Twist, Olivier!

More wings! More feathers in my cap! More cheese, cash, C.R.E.A.M. Dollar, dollar bill, y’all! And how am I paying for 2-V to eat at all? I’m not letting him join you today, B III.

“What do we say to the god of death… Not today!”
― Game of Thrones

You don’t want him following you either. Or me, for that matter. Especially with M Anime making me believe “I think I’ve found myself an angel. A pretty girl who makes my life complete.” Kenny Lattimore? What about Prince’s “The Most Beautiful Girl In the World”? Braxton, you know food and flight. But “Girls, Girls, Girls…” So, Wings? Braxton, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad