Tag: Remember

Tale 061 ~To B Remembered Virgil~

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My first “Happy…” NOPE! That word is not in the vocabulary, but good works well enough. E-Day is nothing but nightmares. But when Braxton was here… Hell! The third E-Day without him is coming up. Not that Virgil says anything. To B Remembered Virgil…

Thursday, August 31, 2023

Tale 061 ~To B Remembered Virgil~

942 Days Without B III, Day 383 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Well, we’re talking on Sunday, August 27, 2023. So you know about my Thursday. Sigh

I don’t think I’ve “worked” this hard… Well, since that week, I found out you were dying. I swear I’ve talked to the Man in the Mirror, Dear Future Wife, Inspector Echo. Last again, B III? To my everlasting shame. But this week and the next… You know what’s coming? E-Day! I wish we could talk about the fence you guarded. Yeah, it’s been bothering me. Even now, I think I should put some more nails into it. Virgil’s been sniffing around. A way out, B? If only I had worked on all my other writing the way I’ve been working to endure the next couple of weeks. Your grandparents haven’t called or texted. Your aunt neither. Inevitable, I know. So, a question. Any room up there where you are.

The Rainbow Bridge, Heaven or Hell? You were/are a good boy, B. You remember that. Always and forever. But your Daddy isn’t getting into Heaven. And where I am now. Hot as it is, like one of the hoodies I wear, I miss your fur. What about sharing with you? Again, there’s E-Day —Emergence, Existence, Extinction. You didn’t bother remembering. Thank you. It’s the reason I miss your Aunt Carolina. Braxton, say hello sometime, please. Emerging from my bed as you stepped on my head was worth me trying, whatever. Existing, now I did that with you and your aunt or when I needed to protect you B III ha. Extinction, this week, next, I’m damn near forty but no only thirty-nine. Remember it, B.

As “I will remember you.” Listen to me about to sing some Sarah McLachlan, Braxton. Daddy can remember everyone else’s words but mine? There are memories and manuscripts, and do I go with mammaries or money? Movie nights? But you were such an old man when you met your Aunt Carolina. You met her on E-Day, remember that Little B? And she was here for a couple of mine and even one of your birthdays. Today is the first time I’ve remembered anything from that terrible day. It won’t last. But all my crying B. Remembering how I was born and how you died. And then there’s Virgil. A little Receiver of Memory if I spoke to him more often. If, To B Remembered Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 056 ~We’ll B Positive Virgil~

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B III hasn’t reached the Bob Marley section in his musical selections with me. For example, Three Little Birds. But I’m positive I dreamed about him being a seagull and eating one of my books. Positive energy, sigh. We’ll B Positive Virgil.

Saturday, August 26, 2023

Tale 056 ~We’ll B Positive Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Am I positive, Lunalesca? How many days I’ve been eating chicken? I’m losin’ my finger-lickin’ mind.

That’s from the movie “I Think I Love My Wife,” by the way. Ah, movie nights! Me, Braxton, and his Aunt Carolina. It wasn’t happiness. But a step-down or two. It’s not better than “Relations,” but better than sleeping —anything regarding staying on my behind. Only I read something yesterday that I can’t find today. If you want to know why I’m talking to you late, Lunalesca. It’s 6:50 in the morning. Well… Besides watching an old movie, I made of myself with my clothes off. I’ve been looking for this quote on energy. Something about love is energy and how it changes shape and never dies, dear Lunalesca. It makes me wanna cry… DIE.

Which, of course, is all I’ve been thinking about this past week. And with one week to go until E-Day… Emergence, Existence, Extinction. I don’t have the energy, Lunalesca, OK. You know what gives me energy? Relations… or rather solo Relations at this point, Luna. What was I doing yesterday? What made me feel good about myself? The Pic Phenomenon? As the song goes, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone!” Only Braxton didn’t. He had me. But I didn’t follow him now, did I? Hell! I was too revved up fighting for his life, Lunalesca —the FEAR of losing him and the failure at doing so. FEAR more than anything else, Lunalesca. But it burns me out fast. It keeps me hiding underneath these covers. Chicken dinners, Virgil the dog, and Depression aren’t helping, Lunalesca.

Neither with the energy or positivity. No. With everything on the brain, my blood type… The things I can’t tell you, Lunalesca. Stuff and Thangs, I couldn’t tell Braxton, “Alright.” “We gon’ be alright. Do you hear me? Do you feel me? We gon’ be alright.” Wow, that song was out before he died. Not that it would have made a difference. Like the Almighty. And no, Lunalesca, I don’t mean the wrestler. Watching wrestling is perhaps one of the few positive things I do. If you call it watching and with everything… Windham’s death. The only things I’m positive about. The Thirty-Eighth E-Day will be the worst one ever. I miss my boy Braxton. And I’m still breathing. I’m alive. We’ll B Positive Virgil

937 Days Without B III, Day 378 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 055 ~That’ll B Virgil’s “Weekness”~

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It is not weak to value life. I valued Braxton’s one way, and Virgil’s the other. And if I wasn’t on the cusp of E-Day… One more week. And then what? Next week will be more of the same, and then… And here come the tears. That’ll B Virgil’s “Weekness”

Friday, August 25, 2023

Tale 055 ~That’ll B Virgil’s “Weekness”~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I can create my own word. Happiness will never become me. And The Ten Commandments…

“You lost him when he went to seek his God. I lost him when he found his God.” ― Sephora

Whether it be that mere minutes ago, I was lost in “The Pic Phenomenon.” You know my weakness so well. And yes, I can spell Sophia. Or is it the thought of one week remaining? Either way, I was led to the word of “God” this morning. Necromancy now Christianity?

Hell! If I believe in anything, it’s in my little boy, my son B. The little God that he is. He couldn’t save me at 37, 38. Only here we are a week away from 39. What the Hell am I going to do? We’ll get to that. Haven’t I been saying that for years, Sophia? Here we are approaching the 39th E-Day. Emergence, Existence, Extinction. It’s about damn time… To go? What about Virgil?

Didn’t I say something about Virgil not being Braxton’s reincarnation this past week? If anything, I am a weakness that the two of them share. Braxton didn’t want to go, and Virgil asked me to stay. It sucks to be V for the moment because he thought this week was hard. Well, next week… I guess it could be worse. The Day Job demands. And while I’m speaking of a Day Job, a business? “My” favorite hot dog place closed down on Wednesday. I couldn’t even treat myself to one more pepper dog, Sophia. Inevitable. Isn’t it? Time! Now that Lady Sophia is a major weakness. Time, Titties, Tears. And the little two-year-old at the end of the bed. That, again, (sigh) ain’t my son.

No! My child died on Sunday, January 31, 2021, at 15. That’s around 76-80 human years. Seeing as how he was on the cusp of being 16. B III was/is so strong. Existing hasn’t made me so. I wish I had never emerged. And extinction? Olds called? They haven’t yet. But supporting a “man,” that’s 39. Who needs that kind of weakness? Jigsaw would have a field day with me. Something to do with the survival instinct… Sophia, I am still here. It’s what I tell everyone. So, shouldn’t that tell me something about my strengths and weaknesses? I have one more week to figure it out. But then what I ask will come next. Hell! One last book to read… That’ll B Virgil’s “Weekness”

936 Days Without B III, Day 377 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 049 ~Braxton’s Haunted House Virgil~

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Am I trying to get in or get out of this house? It depends on who you ask. I can’t say Virgil and I don’t know each other. As long as I sit and stay. There’s my Olds with E-Day coming up. I can’t hear what B’s saying. “Braxton’s Haunted House Virgil”

Saturday, August 19, 2023

Tale 049 ~Braxton’s Haunted House Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So, handing out candy is the least I can do. Will I even see Halloween? E-Day

Lunalesca, we get a little closer to the second worst day of existence every day. Of course, you know the first. Hell! Virgil knows. With Virgil’s wailing and gnashing of teeth, I heard yesterday afternoon. He didn’t sign up for this. Well, neither did my B. “With these hands,” as the song goes. I swear, Lady Lunalesca, I’m a freaking monster. Only I’m trying to decide which one. Or am I something like the Rat King from The Last of Us Part II? Scooby Doo teaches us that the worst monsters are human, which explains what I did yesterday, Luna. Daphne and Velma sans any clothing. As always, we’ll get to that, won’t we? For now, there’s the ghost of my boy. Lunalesca… His voice…

Braxton hasn’t been speaking to me… I’m hearing my critic. And there’s also B III’s Aunt. I mean, seriously, how often do you want to talk to someone “feeling super, super (super!) suicidal.” I know I’ve been avoiding myself as much as possible, Lu. I swear. Lunalesca, how many times has it been that I’ve listened to the Succubus Lord Series? Yesterday, I looked to see if Satan’s Sorority Girls had an audiobook. More money… The only thing that makes more noise than the usually quiet V is dollars disappearing. And the way I’ve been scanning through what to read next. The Kindle Challenge (sigh). And here you thought I was skimming through porn. Heheh! Well, not to disappoint… Ecchi Na Onee-chan ni Shiboraretai. Japanese?

Given how things are going, we could all be speaking German for the Nazis or Russian, whichever the GOP prefers, but seeing as how I’m a Black Man. They don’t want me to speak at all. You know, the whole being dead and all. Is that why I’m a monster, Luna? Like father, like son, Braxton would follow me. And if I taught him that Lunalesca? I am more of a zombie than a ghost. As usual, I eat, but it doesn’t help ever, Luna. Going with another song, “Am I A Psycho?” Worst, if you’ve read my books, Lunalesca. Oh yeah! Here I am, almost thirty-nine, and what have I done? I haven’t lived a day. Especially after losing Braxton. Braxton’s Haunted House Virgil

930 Days Without B III, Day 371 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 048 ~Braxton, The End, Virgil~

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“My” story, me existing… It’s a bit like the Bible. I never read it all. Has a lesson here or there, B, a time in high school, B’s aunt, M anime. But the story shouldn’t be taken as gospel. And don’t burn it, like my B was. Braxton, The End, Virgil

Friday, August 18, 2023

Tale 048 ~Braxton, The End, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I have a feeling that’s not how the story will end. Only it should end.

My favorite critic, of course, was railing about why I must sound all depressive. And how many days have I talked about Braxton? 929 days and counting. Braxton’s story ended. And mine should have ended there as well at the age of 36. And here I am, turning 39 ha. That’s nothing to laugh at. But don’t I remember what day it is? Someone’s birthday. Happy Birthday, M Anime!!! Welcome to Level 35! I envy you. Given your years, I’d… Well, we’ll get to that, won’t we, Lady Sophia? But for now, it’s Braxton’s story. Or that’s what I should say. On top of everything else, there’s been guilt with a book I’ve read. Hmm? It has nothing to do with dead fur babies. Hamster?

No, the hamster is alive and well. Even Grayson’s relationships are working out great with Robyn, his English Rose. And Julia the witch. Two sets of Yabbos, I swear, Sophia. Yes, it’s Friday. But I figured it would take me longer to get through Satan’s Sorority Girls 2 by Eric Vall. There was a moment this morning after I realized Braxton wasn’t stepping on my head. And when I did a morning meditation. Anyway, what came next was the idea that I could become a harem romance writer. But it’s too late for that, Sophia. Inevitably, E-Day will come -Emergence, Existence, Extinction. And my Olds will realize that I’m 39. There’s comfort in the fact that if they wanted to cut me off… why wait?

Why wait? As I look at the nightstand beside me. It’s an altar to the end of all things, yep. On top is B III’s shrine. There are his ashes, condolence card, cremation certificate, etc. In the middle are a few knives. An emergency fund. Braxton’s aunt’s wedding card. Oops! In the next drawer are more weapons that scare me to even look at these days. All I’ve been feeling. And the last drawer is empty. I want to say since I quit “adult entertaining.” Myself, of course. And that’s why I’m rushing to finish Eric Vall’s book. And all the “anime” I’ve seen on Twitter. Wanting more it never ends, Lady Sophia. This depression, disease of existence, deviancy. “My” story… Braxton, The End, Virgil

929 Days Without B III, Day 370 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 042 ~Virgil B Spending Money~

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A dime piece or a dime? I usually spend several dimes except for Friday. Well, if you count such and such’s birthday coming up. But that’s more a present for me, not her, with E-Day coming up. Virgil’s “Gotcha Day” is Sunday. Virgil B Spending Money.

Saturday, August 12, 2023

Tale 042 ~Virgil B Spending Money~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I should be proud of being all Brewster’s Millions with it yesterday. Not by choice…

That’s because you are STUPID. I know you would never say that, Lunalesca. Otherwise, we couldn’t be friends no more. Of course, you know who I can’t be friends with. Lunalesca, you know I mean B III. And allow me to contradict myself. B and I are friends, but you know what I mean. And if only I had enough money… Friday was a fluke? Lunalesca, in a way, it was. But more my stupidity. I spent most of those Walmart gift cards on something for M Anime… Let’s say that’s never going to happen. I have a better chance of bringing Braxton back from the grave. Don’t THEY say if you can make a woman laugh…? Well, I’ve made plenty of women laugh, but…

Suppose you can wake the dead, Lunalesca. To get my inner Thulsa Doom on, “That is strength, boy! That is power!” I would have given all I own… which ain’t much. To save my son. And in the end, where did my money go? Pandora’s Box. Faith, hope, love, Lunalesca. Today, it sits on a box on the nightstand. And funny, I should mention boxes because, again, where does all the money go? Friday, it was between OnlyFans and going for the Pic Phenomenon. After I wasted those gift cards, I had money to burn. But no, I didn’t, ok. Is it because Virgil needs a box, not like that? I mean a crate. Virgil hasn’t seen a girl in a year. Since the Rebeccas…

Tomorrow’s Virgil’s “Gotcha Day” Lunalesca. How will we celebrate? Sadly, like E-Day, Emergence, Existence, Extinction. What is there to be celebrated on Sunday? First year? Lunalesca, I’m about to have thirty-nine. And what have I done with them, I ask. Lunalesca, it’s all about boxes in one way or another. There’s the fence. The bank account. And would V feel safer with a crate? Braxton was more like Pikachu, not wanting to get inside a Pokeball. You see what happens when I finally “forced” him into one. It killed him. More time, more love, and yet I sing about money. “Cash rules everything around me.” C.R.E.A.M., Which I haven’t done in two weeks. “Saved” fifty dollars. For the Love of Money. Virgil B Spending Money

923 Days Without B III, Day 364 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 041 ~Virgil Reads Braxton’s Ending~

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I’m sure wherever Braxton is, he’s learned to read now. I would tell him stories… The ones that didn’t involve this or that. Anyway, I think about how our story ended… And if I could rewrite it? But I’m not with the GOP. Virgil Reads Braxton’s Ending

Friday, August 11, 2023

Tale 041 ~Virgil Reads Braxton’s Ending~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. It’s more like I’m rushing to read all about it. Or better. Checking the fence today

That’s something I’m not looking forward to. But I wasn’t eager for B’s passing either. Lady Sophia, if you had told me the story would end with me murdering my best friend in the world… I swear I’m not learning anything from these books on grieving fur buddies. Euthanasia, AKA the “good death.” Braxton’s gone, I’m guilty. I’m not good. Hell! I’m reading the reference section from Pawprints on the Heart. I need every word. I’m so used to not finishing anything. Remember a couple of days back, I got into working on one of the novels? I paid $300 for a book I haven’t sent in. Going on four years, to be honest. If Virgil could read, Braxton says, “it is what it is.”

And that’s why we ain’t got no money. But the fence held up to the storm. Glory Hallelujah! I said that before checking because I’ve been lying here looking for a birthday gift for M Anime. Um, that soon turned into looking for a gift for myself. What was that? M Anime wants seeds for her garden. I want to see her with less clothing. Lest we forget, what else do I want, Lady Sophia? When Braxton was on his last legs. He could always count on me to bring back fries. My payday was better than I expected yesterday. Hallelujah! No, I’m not finding religion. Between this week and the next… No money for the church. What about a tip? I didn’t say that, did I? Or think it?

Lady Sophia, that’s like saying “adult entertainment” is free. I don’t have to spend money on OnlyFans. A few months back, I figured I was in trouble with The Pic Phenomenon. And this morning, I was looking up Elegant Moments Style 1404, for real. But I got “bills” to pay as an almost thirty-nine-year-old man. If it’s not the fence, it’s what my Olds will say come E-Day. I won’t pay for a man’s sausage biscuit. That’s what my father told me at church when I was young. I agree. Incredible right? Anyway, speaking of spending more money, Satan’s Sorority Girls 2 has come out. Ok, should I read it? No one will be reading about me dying soon… But, Virgil? Virgil Reads Braxton’s Ending

922 Days Without B III, Day 363 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 035 ~B Steps Down Virgil~

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If the fence falls, V will have a path to escape. I’ll be running from the neighbors and maybe the bank. I’ve got no cash. And even if I did, I’d be too scared to ask for help. If I don’t run from my father… I’ll see B again. B Steps Down Virgil

Saturday, August 5, 2023

Tale 035 ~B Steps Down Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And even if that was enough. Why would I want to rip my boy from Heaven?

The Rainbow Bridge? Elysium? Even Hell beats this place right now. Lunalesca, this is all over a falling fence. Every day is another step closer to the fence falling over, failing, the finality of many years of service. And what steps am I taking after all this? You ask, Lady Lunalesca. All I know is that any step I take out of this bed will bring “The horror! The horror!” Sigh! I could go all TMI when it comes to the bathroom. I haven’t felt this bad since that food poisoning from Pizza Hut. Talk about a place I haven’t stepped foot in since. Now, there’s the window in Braxton’s Room overlooking the backyard. I can see the fence. And going downstairs? That’s the world.

And let’s talk about the world, Lady Luna. For the most part, Braxton was protected from it in the backyard. Virgil hasn’t even been here a whole year. And he has no such luxury anymore, like last summer when I could do nothing about the heat. Lunalesca, I could go running to my “father,” then what? I’d rather burn in Hell. And it’s not only him, Lunalesca. Ironically, I didn’t have the stones to talk to the people in Walmart about, well… Stones, bricks, cinder blocks, anything and everything to shore up the fence. I was right there! These feet took me there, but it was the mouth, a voice. Hell! The brain. STUPIDITY! That is my native tongue. Silence? A second language. I try…

The alarm has already rung. So I must leave this bed and do what, Lady Lu? Hmm? Do you know what thought lulled me to sleep last night? I climbed into bed, and I prayed, Lady Lunalesca. Not to God. I haven’t done that since Braxton left this world. But to him. I prayed to my son that I wouldn’t have to wake up. And that the next step I took would be to him, wherever he is, Lady Lunalesca. M Anime was talking about how one of her fur kids was the reincarnation of another. Now, that’s something I forgot. Why would I curse B III to this Lunalesca? Virgil and I take no steps to escape. I’m not Dante. B Steps Down Virgil

916 Days Without B III, Day 357 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 034 ~Virgil Knows, B’s Tales~

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Who do I tell when there’s nothing they can do? Braxton couldn’t save himself. But he fought to live so he could save me. “How to Save a Life.” I can’t fix the floor or fence or find a dentist for my face.” I’d tell B. And V? Virgil Knows, B’s Tales.

Friday, August 4, 2023

Tale 034 ~Virgil Knows, B’s Tales~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That doesn’t make me benevolent. I’m neither brave nor bold. Balance isn’t helping this scared BOY!

It’s such an ugly word in how it’s spoken in this country. Not that I’ve heard it from a white person lately… We’ll get to that. I’m more concerned with the man in the mirror. No! The BOY. That’s what I am, Lady Sophia, a pathetic (puss… censored) poor BOY. Yeah? Should I start singing, “I’m just a poor boy; nobody loves me.” Yesterday… Please! But Virgil did try. I don’t talk to him about Braxton often. Only I was lying here crying about the rain… Again, we’ll get to that because, as the song goes, “I’m only happy when it rains.” Or I once was, but with everything coming down on me these days. Anyway, Virgil attempted to cuddle me, and I fell asleep.

Two things, Lady Sophia. One, I’m never happy. Two, when Braxton was here. It didn’t matter what happened as long as I was wrapped around him. He would somehow wind himself around whatever was hurting me… Which explains why he was constantly stepping on my head. Or the way he would watch over me always. I was safe, protected, and loved. Lady Sophia, a boy, and his dog. If I ever published that story, I wouldn’t be in the mess I am now. And truth be told, I want to make a mess I’ll never have to clean up. Ever! So, let’s start at the beginning. I’m “Feeling super, super (super!) suicidal.” Every day now. And of all the STUPID reasons, the fence is broken.

I’m 38, OK, Lady Sophia, and I have no idea what I will do. Call my Dad? Oh God! Well, not doing anything to help myself, I cut some weeds off the opposite fence. I then decided to check the route Braxton and I would walk behind the houses here. Those were much better days. Anyway, this guy calls out and asks if I live here. Then he asks where before he accuses me of trying to steal some bikes. “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man.” And so was he, Sophia. A black man! Not a white guy, a Karen, or M Anime and her… Racism? Existing has always been too much for me. No fairytale world Virgil Knows, B’s Tales.

915 Days Without B III, Day 356 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 028 ~Don’t B BILE Virgil~

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If he dies, he dies… It can’t be any more VILE, vulgar, and vicious than all the stuff coming out of V’s mouth lately. Two towels, all the bed covers, a throw pillow that’s no damn good. He almost destroyed the PHONE! “Don’t B BILE Virgil.”

Saturday, July 29, 2023

Tale 028 ~Don’t B BILE Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But that didn’t matter to Braxton. I would have gone all “John Q,” Lunalesca. But Virgil?

Can I not mention butts right now? When B was here, I had no problem cleaning up after him. But, of course, he knew better. Please, stop! I’m tired and oh so grossed out, Luna. How many times have I said I wanted to be a Dad? No one will ever take away the fact that I was/am Braxton’s Daddy. Hell! I was sitting right here in 2021, praying that he’d eat. Being blessed, Lunalesca, years from now. Who knows what I will feel towards my two-legged children? Women do so much. The least I can do is change kids’ diapers, Lunalesca. I wish I could put Virgil in a diaper. Well, that’s not where most of the mess is. Doing the laundry all day…

The “crap” coming out of V’s mouth these days. Well, Friday, to be specific, Luna. I swear, I’ve been working with him so we could put on a show. 2V’s “Gotcha Day” is in August. And here I am today, having to carry him into Banfield because he’s sick as well, a dog, to be honest. I wanted Braxton to eat. And I would have cleaned up after him, Lunalesca. Every single day. But that was no kind of life for him. Only if I have to repeat 2V’s act? It’s like 1408. “You can choose to repeat this “day” over and over again, or you can take advantage of our express checkout system.” Is Virgil dying? I wish it were me 909 days ago.

And why shouldn’t it be? I failed Braxton. I’m trying to save V. But if worse comes to worse, Lunalesca. While I’m busy being a pop culture… person, “If he died, he dies.” Virgil Vivi. I was more worried about the phone yesterday. I’m a negligent parent. Phone over V. I’m concerned about the bank account. I have no money for Virgil, Lunalesca. That true… I’m so tired of washing everything. Virgil has destroyed another pillow. It’s the smell, Lu. I was humiliated that I couldn’t save Braxton. And now walking in today. One year? Virgil couldn’t survive one here with me. And even if he does, Lunalesca. Our existences? We’re sick men for a variety of reasons. Figure them out. Don’t B BILE Virgil

909 Days Without B III, Day 350 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will