Tag: Therapy

Tale 155 ~Virgil, This’ll B Humiliating~

WillLeave a comment

If Noah had seen outside the Ark, would he have said, “It should have been me?” Hmm? That’s how I felt with three men in the house and the neighbor lady. I could be dead and drowned. It wouldn’t have mattered. But 2V? “Virgil, This’ll B Humiliating.”

Sunday, December 2, 2023

Tale 155 ~Virgil, This’ll B Humiliating~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I am so “freaking” sorry. Is it for forty years (almost)? How about fifteen? 1036 Days?

I said ~Virgil, I’ll Be Downstairs~ didn’t I? Well, here I am, comin’ atcha on Saturday, December 2, 2023—Horny, horrified and humiliated. I’m focusing on the humiliation today, but Braxton, help you… well today. Humilations Galore await you, I’m sure, at the Day Job. Yep, that’s like saying you need air to breathe. Today, I couldn’t, I shouldn’t. No! It’s been a little bit since I figured I should join my son. But leave it to my Old Man, and then Bill, Bill, Bill. And let’s not forget a neighbor, ok? With that, “Take a Look at Me Now.

I swear when I had that panic attack at the Day Job. There was the Basic… Or when Braxton lay dying. And Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Missing Pieces…Broken Heart: A Recovery Guide…
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 024* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception.
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

What are things I can’t handle for 200? Hell! $200? I was telling Lady Lunalesca about $1000 and then $580. And now my Old Man, or Bill, is discussing redoing the whole damn floor from the flood as nobody was talking to me. Do you know what that’s like? Hmm? Oh, you will? But it’s still my time being Saturday. This was my son’s home. Braxton belongs here with me. And yet, I don’t belong here. My Old Man, Bill, some guy walking through I don’t know, the neighbor, I’m sure the law at some point. I shouldn’t be alive. And that’s why I slid to the floor as soon as everyone left and cried. I’m thirty-nine and add a day. Your Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Christmas Stalking by Ella Goode (Erotica?)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Well, minus the book title, it is the same as mine. I have no idea how you’ll cope.

(Sigh) when Braxton was here… Hell! I remember sitting with him on the front step, saying, “We have to take care of each other.” I can’t say I meant it in a particular context, but then again, I killed him. And his death has been killing me ever since. And you? It’s inevitable. Humiliations Galore. Like sitting there holding my lonely soul. My son, my B III dying. And on those same steps, three men and a neighbor treated me like a ghost. Zombies were always more my speed. People who aren’t people, knowing nothing. Like I ever did. Or you ever will. Virgil, This’ll B Humiliating

1036 Days Without B III, Day 477 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 154 ~ I’ll B Disappointed, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Not to be Kevin Sorbo here because God knows he’s a disappointment. But I am pretty disappointed… in myself. At least I have the balls to admit it. And other things… such as I like D.Va from Overwatch. And with every breath, I’ll B Disappointed, Virgil.

Saturday, December 2, 2023

Tale 154 ~ I’ll B Disappointed, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… How? I didn’t wake up as one. Hell, the fact that I had to wake up?

And what did I do next? A repeat of last night’s shenanigans? Um, AI isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be. And this morning, it was “Not a Tiktok for DVa,” is all I’ll say. Lunalesca, don’t go looking that up (wink). Was I about to say that’s one of the reasons I’m glad Braxton ain’t here? I should be ashamed. The things I would give up to see him. But I must not care that much with 2V in his room and all. And what should I be doing? It’s one of the reasons last night was such a failure. Hell! How about 1035 Days of epic failures? That’s giving myself far too much credit to use that word? Judge for yourself, Lady Lunalesca.

First and foremost, we must never forget I killed my son. I killed Braxton. Euthanasia. Speaking of which, I finished “Missing Pieces…Broken Heart: A Recovery Guide for the Grief and Sorrow of Pet Loss” yesterday. Uh, that’s on the first. And you know I’ll read Christmas Erotica this month. Or I really hope so with the book “Christmas Stalking.” Contemporary Romance? What, Lady Lunalesca? It’s not like I have any money for books. The new water heater cost $1,000. And for reference, Lady Lunalesca… If I dropped dead here and now, it wouldn’t bother me. But I’m paying to stay in a place when I’d rather not exist. Braxton’s death wasn’t $1,000. “My life” is $175… add on meds. So, $1,000 to hate existing, Lunalesca.

Disappointed might not be the right word? Then again, what about gratitude? I know Lu.

$1,000! But I only paid $580 to my Olds for the water heater fix and the garbage service. I am ungrateful. I’m an adult; I’m a man? Things could have gone worse, Lady Lunalesca. I was expecting it. And B wasn’t here to protect me and I him, Lunalesca. Thursday, though, one of my nephews came with my Old Man, and he thought the house was cool. He showed Virgil some love and marveled at the PS… (cough) 4. To be a hero, dear Lu. I wasn’t for Braxton. But he never looked disappointed. Braxton was sad when he knew. “Daddy, why can’t I stay?” Existence… I’ll B Disappointed, Virgil

1035 Days Without B III, Day 476 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 148 ~Virgil, I’ll Be Downstairs~

WillLeave a comment

Is it the water heater, the A.C., or the weather? It could be anything. I talk about wanting to be a family man, and I’m not even a decent “homeowner.” Always crying to my Olds or my lost little boy. Then there’s Virgil. “Virgil, I’ll Be Downstairs.”

Sunday, November 26, 2023

Tale 148 ~Virgil, I’ll Be Downstairs~

To Will
It’s the Man In The Mirror… But what circle of Hell am I? It’s a strange question for so late in the morning.

8:00 AM? More like 8:18, to be specific. But you were up at 4:00 AM, and what did that show? Bladder control? More like Damage Ctrl. For the most part, it was only Piper Niven getting you going. Now that sounds like a confession for Inspector E. What’s wrong with liking big chicks? Nothing at all, and neither was ending B III’s suffering when “The Man Comes Around.” And are there any other would-be, could-be, or should-be sins you want to confess this Sunday morning? Sloth perhaps? Since you don’t see yourself getting out of bed. There’s always a bit of Envy. And you’re annoyed at Virgil. It beats Indifference. Do you remember how Braxton ended up? And you? Your existence? These, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Princess Tamer 2 by Neil Bimbeau. – And Backyard Dungeon 4
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 017* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 024* No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Talk about going down. Up and down, hmm; with your toy as the song goes (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction. And neither can you. But that’s by choice. You don’t belong in the Second Circle anyway. And can you be positive for once? Should you repeat the A.I.s words? Ha! I let the words fall out of my mouth Saturday. I wasn’t myself, and it showed. God, I hate liars. Well, next to those that make excuses for everything. For example, why can’t you walk down the hall and lie on the couch? Or go down to B’s room and bring Virgil to you—scaredy cat. For once, you’re talking about somebody else and not you. Then again, every Sunday, you write Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Missing Pieces…Broken Heart: A Recovery Guide…
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 024* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

And at least two of them require you to get out of this bed and head downstairs. And what fresh Hell is this? I can tell you this whole week will have you like Noah—fearing that freaking flood along the floor. And you have yet to see how bad it is right now. “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” It would help if you tried reading that again, I think. But no, you went through two more books of… relations with computer babes, elves, and demons taking off their clothes. You’re back with the crying over fur babies portion of the program. You don’t need mirrors to see yourself. Moaning and sweating over girls, tears about your boy, or the mess on the floor. Virgil, I’ll Be Downstairs.

1029 Days Without B III, Day 470 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 147 ~Crying! Can’t B, Virgil…~

WillLeave a comment

I’m not a math guy. But what do you get when you dream of being a baby, plus a movie like The Golden Child. Eddie Murphy asking for advice from The Old Man. Then there’s a boy and his mom in Squid Game, then The Cress Theory. Crying! Can’t B, Virgil…

Saturday, November 25, 2023

Tale 147 ~Crying! Can’t B, Virgil…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… which means the whole death and taxes stick is not a universal truth. No, for me…

A thirty-nine-year-old man? As they say, comedy comes in threes. So here are three truths.

The first, always and forever, is my son is dead. But more to the point, I won’t CONSIDER him dead. Yes, I killed him by sitting here refusing to acknowledge him. And Let Me Sign. You know my name on the dotted line in the veterinarian’s office. Braxton is dead. Secondly, while I’m asking, “Is It A Crime?” Let’s speak of my CRIMINALITY. Not a dad goes by that I don’t break the law. Hell! I’ve been lying here in my bed doing what Lu?

Well, after that, the third thing is this? I’ve been CRYING. Again I am damn near forty, Lady Lunalesca, and I’m breaking down into tears.

I have seen the ocean once… I had one picture to prove it. So, of course, the Olds took it. Lunalesca, I haven’t been welcome in their home forever. But the last time I was there, Lu, it wasn’t a picture of me anywhere. Birth certificate, diploma, awards, or whatever. How do I know if I was ever born? Do I even exist? I can point out another truth, Luna. As the song goes, “I don’t wanna die. I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all.” With all of these tears, the ocean I’ve seen could be all the crying I’ve done. Yesterday, today. Go back to when I was a child. As if I’m not now. I HAD to call my Old Man.

What! I can’t let the house flood. While I consider this place Braxton’s home. Lunalesca, this house has never been mine. And what does this mean for poor little Virgil? Reincarnation of my son. No, he is not. I couldn’t save him from the heat. And I can’t do anything about the flood. Well, other than Thoughts and Prayers. And with me as the cause of all this mess. The Hauntings of Playing God… And without Squid Game Cash Luna. That’s what I did after talking to my Old Man. I lost myself in TV and books. So sad, Lu. And more pathetic than my boys. It would explain the dreams I’ve been having… me crying and naked. The Golden Child? Crying! Can’t B, Virgil…

1028 Days Without B III, Day 469 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 141 ~Not A B…eep Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

A bomb that never goes off. That’s not a “good” analogy. Still, I take in every breath. I can hear the beat of “my” heart. And I would say I have no balls, but even a slow computer and internet connection still keep them banging. Not A B…eep Virgil

Sunday, November 19, 2023

Tale 141 ~Not A B…eep Virgil~

To Will

It’s the Man In The Mirror… And of all the things you could break… a mirror? Seven years back luck? Try thirty-nine, forty…

What’s one more day of existence? To wake up to one day that you would rather not see, right? One more reason it should have been you and not B III. Braxton would appreciate being alive today. Hell! For all you know… you know nothing (snickers). But Braxton might sound like Virgil if you weren’t in the world, even on work days, movie nights, and those midday guard sessions. That explains what you’re doing here talking right now. The thing is, Braxton always knew you were coming back to him. And then what, ignoring him? Again, you’re sitting here staring at me. And if it’s not me, it would be a pair of Yabbos. Ha-ha! It’d be some story. Or listing out Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING PORN: A Novel of Extreme Horror, Sex and Gore, Matt Shaw
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 017 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

It’s this list right here that makes you feel like a slug, a sloth, or “just a sucker for pain.” And here we have your latest way of torturing yourself. An effing slow computer, hmm…

Everything seems okay so far, but what? You got back and immediately turned it on. There was a period of decompression. You had lunch and a nap, of course. Existence is a tough row to hoe. Can you dig your way to Hell any faster? Keep looking at women the way you do. How about holding your breath in “your” car? In a crowd of people? And what’s a group to you? A couple and the manager. And “Relax, don’t do it. When you wanna come.” Always, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Princess Tamer 2 by Neil Bimbeau
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 017* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

And like breathing, these are ways we both choose to “pretend that we’re dead.” I am dead for all intents and purposes, and this is your week now. And not to be that guy, but I must tell you that you wasted two months after E-Day. Or you’re close to doing so, my guy. So, how are you going to rectify the situation? If you can’t stop the human machine, which is your biological imperative. You feel the natural and physical make-up far too much. You might be inclined to do something if you couldn’t watch other people in the throes of passion. But, when anything beeps, what seconds that emotion? Love? Braxton, women, and technology are all broken. Not FEAR. Not A B…eep Virgil

1022 Days Without B III, Day 463 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 140 ~Virgil And B’s Buttons~

WillLeave a comment

There are so many buttons to push. Hell! Last night, I only wanted a button to order a new book. And after many grueling hours… Anyway, there’s no button to press to make me get up. At least in a productive manner. “Virgil And B’s Buttons.”

Saturday, November 18, 2023

Tale 140 ~Virgil And B’s Buttons~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… which means I can afford that “New New.” Or lie about creating it like Elon Musk.

I would be lying if I tried to downplay my wants, needs, and desires when it comes to the phone, computer, and Hell! Even social media. That’s halfway to love. And what could be more “Dangerous?” It’s keeping your like to yourself… when it comes to a particular actress, Lu. A repeat of The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. No thanks, Lady Lunalesca, especially now, when I might need the money. But we’ll get to that because there is something even more renowned. You know Lady Lunalesca, B should be introduced. What I mean is that Braxton’s name could be an introduction. I’m shocked when it takes me this long to talk about Braxton Barks. But again, there are so many broken things. And DEATH, Lunalesca…

“Death is only the beginning.” I heard that in 1999’s “The Mummy.” Speaking of movies, “The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes.” I liked it plenty, though taking time out of the week to see it has thrown everything off Lady Lunalesca. Obsession? Lunalesca, at this rate, what comes next? The Rachel Zegler/Aerith Gainsborough Catastrophe or Iman Vellani/Bayonetta Escapade? For the record, I didn’t see “The Marvels.” Nothing personal, but like Isaac in “Cloud Atlas” with Louisa Rey. “Proposition: I have fallen in love with (Lucy Gray Baird). Is this possible?” Lady Lu? If this computer is broken today, I’ll have more time for movies and television. What’s that other thing? As the song goes, “Loosen up my buttons.” No Nut November… uh?

I could break something IMPORTANT by not doing anything. I’ve been back to OnlyFans but, fortunately, haven’t spent any money… Trying? Yet, I’ve said or done something STUPID here or there. I hate being a (tease) with cash. Lunalesca, I might get a new laptop. Lunalesca, I’m losing my mind. And sometimes I wonder about that blow I took to the head a couple of weeks back. I always see those commercials about getting my melon checked for a concussion. As always, closer to death, closer to Braxton. Going home. Lunalesca, I’m going straight to Hell for love of melons. And what about leaving Virgil? Braxton was the same way. It pushed his buttons. Only pushing these is exhausting if broken. Virgil And B’s Buttons

1021 Days Without B III, Day 462 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 134 ~Virgil, There’ll B Time~

WillLeave a comment

Let me cook… Then why, oh, why do I have a microwave and buy fast food daily? It’s because I have no time. I’m too busy sleeping or cursing at the Day Job. Hurry up and wait, as they say. For the fire? What about B III and 2V? Virgil, There’ll B Time

Sunday, November 12, 2023

Tale 134 ~Virgil, There’ll B Time~

To Will
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I am… um, you are… nothing. Way to be negative this Saturday, November 11, 2023. Time-Travel?

Not for long since it’s 4:10 PM already. A wasted afternoon. And where have I been? I haven’t been looking up story ideas for NaNoWriMo, that’s for sure. I’m committing the oldest crimes in the newest ways. But everything’s been a blur. Did I say that out loud for real? Anyway, speaking of… well, the truth. Stop me if you’ve heard them… Braxton is dead. This week is going to suck. I am an equal opportunity misanthropist. Shall I continue? Please! If only there were TIME. As the song goes, “Of all the lies I heard. I Love You was my favorite.” But I’ve never told you that. Hell! I haven’t told Virgil that falsehood. Waking up though it’s either TIME or Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 3, Eric Vall. The Last Conversation, Paul Tremblay
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 010 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I swear all these things are in the running. But even before I started talking to Lady Luna again. Even before Braxton was in the world. I said I was going to be a writer. If I had one wish… Better make that two. The first would always be to have Braxton come back. Anyway, the second would be that I would be a famous writer. And never have to step into the Day Job ever again. But I realize that I am one of the book burners. You, tomorrow? When you come back, you’ll find the time to burn books. But how? Several ways. I’ve been thinking of that dream I had while I was napping. Hell! Dream? In movies and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING PORN: A Novel of Extreme Horror, Sex and Gore, Matt Shaw
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You don’t have time for movies, but you remember “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever,” I swear. Oh! You’ll go see “The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes,” I know.

Continued… Sunday, November 12, 2023

Anyway, my point is the FIRE! You mourn B every day. And while you were working this AM… Another day wasted at thirty-nine. You were thinking that next year, you would burn the ‘funeral garments.’ To be forty and still wasting away? I think not. You have no love, and in the words of Johnny Cash, “What have I become? My sweetest friend.” Something ugly, I know, as you look in the Day Job mirror. Unacceptable, disgusting, STUPID? “I See Fire,” “Hellfire,” time for eternal damnation. Virgil, There’ll B Time

1015 Days Without B III, Day 456 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 133 ~Vetting B and V~

WillLeave a comment

Veterans Day. I can’t say I’ll be watching any war movies… And while I have nothing but respect for soldiers, the bravest person I ever met wasn’t a person. My son Braxton went to war with the world, with death itself. And Virgil Vetting B and V

Saturday, November 11, 2023

Tale 133 ~Vetting B and V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… And I’d like to think I would help “my country’s” veterans. Happy Veterans Day. Or rather….

Thank you for your service

See, I’m not a selfish so-and-so all the time. But I’m not “In The Navy” either. Hell! I was only in boot camp for a few weeks. And then there was that time I faced army recruitment… Did I want to be the “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy?” No, I don’t think I will. There was even a time when I wanted to become the Secretary of Defense. Madness, Lunalesca. “No one man should have all that power.” And what was I saying about not being selfish? A picture-perfect nothing, negative narcissist. I’m not what anyone is looking for when it comes to being a sailor, soldier, or savior. But I would have fought for my boy; I would have died for Braxton Barks Bradford, Lunalesca.

My little “Toy Soldiers.” And yes, I include Virgil in that. I remember that night he immediately jumped to my defense against a possum on the fence. Loyalty Lady Lunalesca. These are the things we need to see in the vetting process. I’ve told the story about how I chose 2V that first day. When one warrior respects another as such. And I do mean my boy Braxton. I could go on forever and a day on why Braxton chose Virgil. I believe. But as for me… Virgil, or Archie at the time, knew how to use the pad. To this day, he has yet to step foot where Braxton did in that regard. Then again, Braxton’s pillow and water bowl. And there’s always Braxton’s war. It never ends, Lunalesca.

“You and me against the world.” That’s what I told Braxton all the time. But the world didn’t kill my boy, did it. To this day, I’ve never blamed the veterinarian for what she did. When I grew older but never wiser, I wanted to be a veterinarian. I wanted to save as many fur babies as I could. Only I read about the other side of the coin. To have to take the life of one that you protect because you can’t stop death. You can hate me now. Lunalesca, I’ve told you before it’s nearly impossible to walk down that aisle at PetSmart. Braxton died in Banfield Pet Hospital at the back. My existence and selfishness. War never changes. Vetting B and V

1014 Days Without B III, Day 455 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 127 ~To B, Write, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

There was a time when to live… Did I ever live? To exist was the moment I first wrote my name down. And here I am thirty-nine years later, and everything I’ve written… Hell, I get paid slightly more lifting boxes; sad. “But, To B, Write Virgil.”

Sunday, November 5, 2023

Tale 127 ~To B, Write, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Only not, since I’m wearing a mask today. For a little while, being Tuesday, October 31, 2023

I wish I could tell you I’m doing something Halloween-themed besides being a weenie. It’s not because I fear ghosts, vampires, or zombies. Sorry to say werewolves never did much for me, either. Braxton could be a werewolf on occasion. I’m counting to ten. That means if I have all ten fingers, shouldn’t I be writing right now? I mean “my” book or Braxton’s, even yours. NaNoWriMo starts Wednesday. I have no writing ideas. I want to scream the F-word 50,000 times or more. Always and forever, hmm. But I know your Sundays have been getting worse. PLEASE! Will anyone beat the Sunday that Braxton died? No way! Or the one that was Virgil’s first official day. Write about that or failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 3, Or…
    Unknown
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Unknown
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Unknown
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Failing is another F-word. So when I first started this… I talked about Writings, Witticisms, and Wisdom. But it’s turned into failure 101. And nobody wants to hear that. Is that why you’re making yourself unavailable week after week? I can’t say I blame you. It’s not right. You aren’t white… meaning you can’t blame this on the other. And when was the last time you did “write?” So many confessions, excuses, failures, uh goodness? Your existence? To Be Continued…

Wednesday, November 1, 2023
Now, what were we discussing? Ah! Yes, writing. And I’m checks watch thirty minutes late. Not that I wasn’t writing… things into a search bar. And a password that lets me do dirty things. Oh! NaNoWriMo’s not on Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 3 (Or something)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Neither is success. At this particular time, I’m on schedule with Satan’s Sorority Girls 3. But will I finish it? If there is some writing I need to do. How about I answer M Anime? Why not tell the Day Job how I would like to waste the 40th year of this existence? And that wouldn’t be necessary if I would… WRITE A BOOK! Or edit? By the way, publish? Who am I kidding, though? I had most of this week, and you? Again we’ve been talking the last two days because your week is going to suck. Please! With what’s coming tomorrow. I told dear Echo all about it. The existence you could have if not for me, hmm; Future? To B, Write, Virgil

1008 Days Without B III, Day 449 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 126 ~A Do B Virgil~

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“We gonna get you high.” Was Cypress Hill in my dream or an angel reminding me of how I felt when Braxton was here? Was it the new toys in the mail? The thought of some young lady. For once, I wasn’t just getting up. So, not a work day? A Do B Virgil

Saturday, November 4, 2023

Tale 126 ~A Do B Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Hell! If I Had A Million Dollars… But no, Lady Lunalesca, I’m just… I don’t know.

I’m up at 4:00 AM, well, 5:45 AM now. Could it be the endorphins, serotonin? Dopamine before the start of a horrible week? As Marvin Gaye sang “Sexual Healing.” The things you learn while looking up a nurse… Eri Harada. Just don’t look, Lunalesca. That’s what I tell myself when the alarm clock’s blaring when I’m bored or missing Braxton. I’m beginning to understand those people in the movie “Don’t Look Up.” Though it’s a lesson that bears repeating. AHEM, Ignorance Is Bliss. And again, I know next week, Lu. There will be Humiliations Galore, there will be, uh… hurt. I’m a horn dog, Lunalesca. But at this particular moment, as Balance says, I’m safe. But I’m also up, and why is that Lady Lunalesca?

If I had a dollar for every bad thing… I could avoid the worst thing. I can’t believe I was about to say the Day Job. No, the worst thing is losing Braxton. I wouldn’t have been at the Day Job if I had enough money. I wouldn’t have been Down With The Sickness.” And I would have noticed Braxton sooner. He’d survive. “Such mad hope, but there it is…” There is so much wrong with that statement. It’s stolen, and dog parents think it. Lunalesca, I’m determined to bring myself down. “I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad.” And even that is not meant to last. Yet why I feel this way is also a question, so what now, Lu? Do I want more of it or less, My Lady?

The last time I was drunk, Braxton was still alive. And I confessed about having no “relations” in this house. That wasn’t Braxton’s fault; he loved Yabbos. And getting high? “What’s My Age Again?” Nobody likes you when you’re 23… or 39. There’s always V? Only he woke up in Braxton’s Room because I’m not the person anyone should be around. Is that it? I didn’t go out yesterday, but I did Thursday. Still, I spent the majority of this week alone. And even then, I’ve had bad days. Less sugar, Lady Lunalesca? I’m not spending much on food. But what about new toys? Does it matter, Lunalesca? Being high? One always comes down. But Heaven? A Do B Virgil

1,007 Days Without B III, Day 448 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will