How do you spell love? God is… Dog is love. To call B a proper gentleman around his favorite girl is to make myself Casanova with M Anime. But my boy made it to Heaven. And I just want to go to bed. I haven’t left. Doomed? Braxton Spells Much Virgil.
Thursday, April 24, 2025
Meditation 297 ~Braxton Spells Much Virgil~
1544 Days Without B III, Day 985 of Virgil’s Arrival
Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? “Love and Happiness.” If it wasn’t for love, we wouldn’t be talking today. And happiness?
Braxton, I love you like pancakes. But I’m not happy. Your Dad’s never been happy.
That’s a big claim. But I wasn’t happy at twenty when we first met. And in 2021, I was even more “Broken” with your loss. Only if you want to know something you and your brother have in common besides having four legs. I didn’t know what I felt meeting.
Why am I not talking to Virgil today? We’ve been outside, and he’s had breakfast. But today, I slept a lot later than usual. It’s 9:20 AM. And even that thought makes me cry. Or it’s allergies, AGAIN. How about a lack of sleep? I spoke to you and Virgil’s future stepmom last night and this morning. I gotta stop calling M Anime that. Seriously.
Braxton, how do you spell love? It’s like I’m the Tower of Babel, and you and your brother, your favorite girl, M Anime, Cherry, my Olds, and even myself are the builders, trying to get me to Heaven. But all the noise from everyone. How we speak in different ways, B.
You and Virgil speak of love, but yours is very faint. Being dead and all. I know that’s not funny, Braxton. Your brother tells a different version of love. I’ve got no word for it.
Your favorite girl is a glimmer of joy. When Cherry isn’t saying, “Look at me, look at me,” I’m drooling over her Yabbos. Uh, eww.
When I think of my Olds, your grandparents, you know what I hear? Worthless, waste, and “what you gonna do with your life?” Boys Just Want To Have Fun, remember.
Honestly, I don’t want to look at the “Man in the Mirror.” “It’s no surprise to me. I am my own worst enemy.” Hell! Even now. I’m still on my back, yapping away with you.
Those were the days. And they beat, slithering on my belly, dreaming up scenarios between Joel, Ellie, Dina, and Abby. I got around to watching The Last of Us. And if it wasn’t them or Cherry, then the things I said to M Anime. I’m no gentleman. You’re not, either.
But I raised you to be a better man than me. That B is my love. Braxton Spells Much Virgil.
“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)
Always and Forever,
Your Dad