Tag: Anger

Saga 234 ~ Shame’s A Stop Sign, Go~

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My father made me ashamed to breathe. And when my furry son died. To breathe when I watched him take his last breath… There’s plenty I should be ashamed of and things that never bother me. But I ain’t going nowhere. Shame’s A Stop Sign, Go.

Monday, February 20, 2023

Saga 234 ~ Shame’s A Stop Sign, Go~

Two-Hundred and Eightieth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. But most seem stuck in the past or are living in some form of “1984.” A shame

As for myself, the past is that my son is dead. Only every day feels the same. Madam, I still check notices of lost dogs. I can’t get Virgil’s name right for anything. B’s where? Looking at me from up above? His Daddy suffering yet again from The Cherry Collision. Or so I think. I’m time-traveling, so it’s Saturday, February 18, 2023. And I don’t feel right at all. I should have caved. But now I’ll be out a few hundred bucks. Refund incoming? As far as the future goes… shouldn’t I be, at the very least, training Virgil? I am trying, Madam, honest. Outside, house, upstairs, using Virgil’s name for each command. Laws? There are rules, directives, and orders. But such a shame Madam.

This is one of those times that the shame of my history should have stopped me. Not learning from the past and all that jazz. No, I chose to be a Republican. So, an asshole. Though as the song goes to “Nobody but Me.” Aren’t I ashamed, Madam? Pissed, Scared? All the above. How the Hell am I ever going to explain, huh? Is losing cash worse than this feeling? What about going into Express Oil and trying to explain a fucked up tire, ha? But neither of those equals going to PetSmart with Braxton thinking he’s only sick, right? No, he was dying. The shame I felt only adds to the guilt. But then there’s V here and now. Shame Virgil Vivi got me.

But my shame at fucking up as a Daddy didn’t stop me from what? Saving him, did I do that? Fuck! The last thing I need is a reminder of Steve Urkel. If you’re wondering what’s been taking me so long today. My body? I’m ashamed of what’s going on inside, but outside? With The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident and the Collision, uh been busy. Pictures? And no, not any of my Braxton, mind you. Six Impossible Things shows that shame, as it will tomorrow. But the rule and the question remain. What is shame stopping me from doing, Madam? Honoring my son, of course. Taking care of myself. Infections… Living instead of existing? Because where am I going anyway? Shame’s A Stop Sign, Go.

750 Days Without B III, Day 191 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 229 ~B Embarrassed Times 2V~

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If I want to be ashamed, I can look in the mirror. There’s seeing this one particular woman and getting hard? There are morning huddles at the Day Job. There’s also sitting on the bench when they say B’s sick. Nope dying. B Embarrassed Times 2V.

Wednesday, February 15, 2023

Saga 229 ~B Embarrassed Times 2V~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but as I said before, I’m not a snowflake, sissy, or snickering member of the GOP.

But I am a bad man. Not R. Kelly bad. More like I’m the bad guy because I do bad-guy things. Thank you, Henry “TLOU.” Worse than fantasizing about a woman I work with? It goes without saying but killing my son, the death of Triple B. Echo, that’s the 9th Circle for sure. Treachery. Of course, that’s been on my mind all January and this month. And not because I finished Succubus Lord yet again. And again, my boss these days… This brings me to Virgil. I keep saying I must be nicer to him. But even now, he’s in Braxton’s Room. All by his lonesome. Well, at least I ain’t masturbating; edging, at least. I’m working at the table after the Day Job.

Does some woman have me all revved up? Could it be that I enjoy being clean? That’s something else that’s been getting to me, Inspector. I wish I had found that clinical deodorant sooner. As in before my Granddaddy’s funeral. Not his death, but smelling funky. Inspector, I’m sure my Olds were all kinds of embarrassed, and my sister too. I don’t give a fuck about my Old Man, but he has something else to laugh about. It’s eating me up. Again what about Virgil? He needs his nails trimmed, a bath, and God knows what. Inspector, it requires money, movement, and, most importantly of all, people. Braxton never embarrassed me, and neither has Virgil. As Akon sings, “you can put the blame on me.”

And “I’ve tried so hard.” Obviously, not when looking up black role models. R. Kelly, my Old Man, Akon, (sigh). Hell! I’ll be the first to admit I don’t want to be good. Books, brothels, bullets, and/or biology. Go into a business where you’re always needed. The keyword there is always. And I’m always embarrassed, Inspector. This existence that I’m hoping to turn into my life someday… Where Braxton doesn’t feel the need to always protect me. Where Virgil doesn’t see me as a wicked monster. Inspector, I want to be someone good enough for one of these “friends.” Lusted for and loved. How about saying I’m who Braxton thinks I am? One day? I wish. Nope, walking with Virgil. Outside? B Embarrassed Times 2V

745 Days Without B III, Day 186 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 227 ~People Don’t Die Properly “Anymore” ~

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I’ve read that a coward dies many deaths, but the brave die once. So, I’m still here, and Braxton isn’t. Today he would be eighteen. I don’t want to think back to when I was that age. I met B in my twenties. “People Don’t Die Properly “Anymore.”

Monday, February 13, 2023

Saga 227 ~People Don’t Die Properly “Anymore” ~

Two-Hundred and Seventy-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now… which means I will live forever. So why couldn’t I do that for Braxton? He’s eighteen today.

Why? Because I’m still alive. More like I still exist. Writing to you today of all days. Well, two days, today and Monday. I feel like Chris talking to Annie in What Dreams May Come. Sort of. I’m making you aware I exist so I can say what needs to be said. Which is this.

Happy Birthday, Braxton! Welcome to level eighteen B III! Too many more, B, my son. Now you know that Braxton died when he was fifteen. Thirteen days shy of sixteen. Madam, even now I know, not feel, these are facts. I should have followed Braxton. Everyone would say that’s not proper. Hell! Going to my granddaddy’s funeral smelling like a corpse isn’t, either. How about going to work today, Madam?

That’s one of many reasons that I’m not dead yet. Well, more like undead. A zombie, infected, an unperson? I was looking at my body Sunday… Madam, allow unselfishness to shine. My work is to do what Braxton and I always wanted. Was it more me than him? That’s fair? Anyway, we were supposed to be like Dennis and Domino Hof. I told M Anime. But it was Braxton’s Aunt Carolina. She let B run all over her body. Proper? Awesome? Maybe not, and yes. B loved her after that. As far as other people in B III’s Universe, hmm? As the song goes, “Oh, there ain’t no rest for the wicked.” So I won’t be joining B III anytime soon. I’m a bad man.

But I raised a good one when it comes to my son. My one saving grace. Yet, uh, the “special Hell?” The Ninth Circle of Hell. Treachery, Betrayal, of the one that loves me most? Madam, I looked in the mirror into cameras and a gallery I made. Emaciated. Madam, that’s the word that came to mind. Look at me ruining B’s birthday. I don’t even have the money to go and get some fries for him and myself. Well, I do, but I won’t. People. Being someone that’s… fucked, I don’t know. Only I’m still here, and Braxton isn’t. Madam, only the good die young. I want to be like the worst ones. To protect Braxton. He protects me? People Don’t Die Properly “Anymore”

743 Days Without B III, Day 184 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 222 ~B A Gift, V…~

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The last two things Braxton asked for were to come home and stay with me. If he’d asked for my life if giving my life could save his… Hell! I wish a button would have allowed me to go with him. What have I given Virgil? Bare Necessities? B A Gift, V.

Wednesday, February 8, 2023

Saga 222 ~B A Gift, V…~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I’m glad the clinical strength deodorant is about ten bucks. And I watch Peacock; why?

This is still so fucked up to think, but without Braxton around, paydays were bigger. Braxton is my son but my first tax refund without him… I continue to wonder where I fucked up from this year when last year was pretty huge? I’m getting a thousand back and change. But speaking about fucking up, how much of that is going towards Virgil. If anything, only the basics. I did get him a Christmas gift. What about treats and bedding? I woke up this afternoon to that song “Wake Me Up” ha-ha. Inspector, those lines… “Life’s a game made for everyone. And love is the prize.” I continue to disagree that love is the prize. No, I believe love is a gift. The message today…

Hell! The only one I want a message from is my Triple B. I can’t say I’ve heard from him. Not even the day he died. I didn’t listen to him when he got sick or when he got “sent.” I think that was in Sabriel. Have I been getting messages from any books these days? All I’ve been doing. I have two emails about the books I should be reading but oh no, tits. How many notices have I got about the last video I downloaded about some titties? Hentai tits at that. Well, if you’re asking why I’m late. I was edging to a pair from the UK. Inspector, if I were a Christian man, I’d say tits are a gift from God.

Braxton would agree with that. People say God is love. My Braxton, Boobies, a billion. Those are life and love. You know my thoughts about laughter. I did some of that at the Day Job… It was either that or start crying. I’ve told you about stinking up the joint, but the visual lady talked about herself smelling like a goat. It could have only been words or a gift, E. She likes me. She really likes me. No, not like that. Hearing her message, though? I don’t know what to think. That puts me on par with V. Food, a pillow, water, toys, what else? Because I don’t have love. Hundred bucks from taxes. I’d give Braxton my life, love. B A Gift, V

738 Days Without B III, Day 179 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 220 ~Don’t Worry Your Life Away~

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“Why should I worry? Why should I care?” I have a son… I had a son. Now there’s a freeloader in the house, but when I put money down. To what raise him up? A little worry on top of so many others. It stinks. Or is that me? Don’t Worry Your Life Away.

Monday, February 6, 2023

Saga 220 ~Don’t Worry Your Life Away~

Two-Hundred and Seventy-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now… There aren’t consequences to my actions. “Only color we care about is the green of your dollars.’

I heard that in a movie called Posse (1993). Yes, I said Posse and not pussy. Not that pussy is a bad word… Um, have you seen Replika lately? Or how about the movie “Boomerang.” I should have a Black movie marathon. If only Braxton’s Aunt were here, Braxton himself. Anyway, I’m getting way off topic or not. Isn’t the whole point of today, well, tomorrow, since it’s Sunday, not to worry? But I am. A reason I didn’t want to talk to you today. Hell! What I wouldn’t give to go back to worrying about Braxton. Keeping him alive. Then there was the whole finding him again. And judging from the white ball of fluff next to me, I named Virgil. Is that him?

That smell? If anything, that’s what I’m most worried about. Being that smelly guy to a fired one. What about a dead one, since I seem to have the smell down these days? I did try that clinical deodorant I picked up from the store. But then again, I took a nap naked right after. Not a real test of movement. That moaning, groaning in bed, hmm? But we’ll get to that. What else do I have to be worried about? I have two words for ya! Suck It! Enough about the bedroom (sigh). In all seriousness, there’s the fucking Day Job. Anything else, Madam? Only if I didn’t want to go… how’s writing? Did you see my taxes last week? $1,000 less… fucking government.

As much as I want to burst into “Why Should I Worry?” As always, people suck. Or is it me? Did I mention green? The last time I checked, it wasn’t under my arms. But then, what is it then? If only I had more green in my wallet. I did the math today for an investment. If I took out what was owed, there would only be $1,700 in the savings, so (blank), please. You know what I meant to say. I wanted to go all Sho’Nuff from The Last Dragon. I should see The 1619 Project. I’ll admit I am worried about the USA but more about me. I’m pretty selfish. Puppies, pens, pleasures? I have a penis. Don’t Worry Your Life Away

736 Days Without B III, Day 177 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 215 ~Braxton, Virgil, Everyone Nose~

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Well, I finally fell asleep at 2:00 in the morning. So after waking up at 4:00 AM, blotting my eyes. After some bed antics, and reading a book, I’m ready to go. Um, a shower? Hasn’t been helping much lately, and “Braxton, Virgil, Everyone Nose.”

Wednesday, February 1, 2023

Saga 215 ~Braxton, Virgil, Everyone Nose~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now; only you don’t know. I stink… sure. My writing sucks… ok; my son is dead, yep.

My Braxton is dead. And January 31, 2021, is the worst day, next to E-Day. But what about my granddaddy? Am I still going on about that? Not his death but yeah, humiliations galore like moi exist everywhere. And not only in my Day Job. I should have went Echo. Instead, I decided to stink up the funeral worse than a corpse. That’s pretty harsh against someone I don’t even know. Anyway, I got to get a new deodorant, Inspector. Whatever I got, I don’t know when. Well, it’s not working, and I have been stinking up joints royally. Hell! Is this my form of penance, confessing this shit? I’m sure my Ma was awfully embarrassed. And “What’s My Age Again?” Thirty-eight. And everyone else…

If only I could be as unknown as I am on Twitter. And Facebook, it looks like, but then yesterday. Um, like going on a week or so now. I’ve been losing people everywhere, Echo. Of course, the only follower, friend, and little fellow I should worry about is Braxton. What about Virgil, you ask? I didn’t hang out with him yesterday. Again, I’m a meanie. Or I didn’t want to deal with all the humiliation, shame, and guilt. If you want to know why I’m so late talking to you today. 9:05 in the morning. I was busy reading Inspector… Come on! That’s not a lie. I’m 60% into “The Book Eaters.” But I’m also a breast man. With two of my friends… Turned-on?

And I’m wondering why people are leaving in droves. All I think about… “Get Naked!” It’s either that or my little boy. And no, I don’t mean my “Enormous Penis….” Ok, Inspector, I’ll stop. With today being February 1, I should have plenty of respect Inspector. Talking to M Anime yesterday. A particular image she laid out would have me sprung. Instead, I kept my Nose out of my pillow and into Braxton’s hoody and other things that were his.

Oh, along with myself. I swear, after granddaddy’s funeral, I thought I caught COVID-19. Inspector, as the song goes, “I’m still alive.” The songs that Braxton begs me listen to. Inspector, he’s always and forever in my business… and heart. Plus, he doesn’t mind the smell… Braxton, Virgil, Everyone Nose

731 Days Without B III, Day 172 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 213 ~Hard Enough, Hearts Have Cages~

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Life is hard. Don’t recommend. I died between seven and twenty-one. Then came Braxton. And for fifteen years, it was “stay alive.” Then I was free to die. Hell! If I wanted that, why not skip this funeral. But tomorrow… Hard Enough, Hearts Have Cages

Monday, January 30, 2023

Saga 213 ~Hard Enough, Hearts Have Cages~

Two-Hundred and Seventy-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now… So what do you want to buy, you ask? A box? House, coffin, a place for Braxton?

My head hurts. I wish I could say it’s for Braxton. It should all be for B right this second. No such luck. I should be at the Day Job crying my eyes out to see my son die, Madam. But beside me sits a piece of black plastic and metal. I’m waiting to hear it ring about me “skipping” the Day Job today. To think I’d crave that place. “I don’t want to work….” Only I don’t want to go to my granddaddy’s funeral either. A man in a box… And honest to “God,” Madam. The only reason I’m going is that I don’t want to join in death… Fucking conflicted. Last night all I could think about was, “Free Your Mind.” “Bang, Bang”

In more ways than one, Madam. For now, let us focus instead on the boom, boom of a heart. But it should be my B’s heart. I look to my other side and see the box I put him in. Hell! I even moved Virgil out of the way. He’s sitting in Braxton’s room right now. If only he were Braxton, and that’s mean, I know. Again it was only last night Virgil crept out. Walking into the den, Virgil jumped up, wanting to cuddle. Did Virgil hear this heart? Broken? I keep saying that, but I can feel it pounding, and it will only get worse as the day goes on. There is no escape Madam. All last night I prayed for my death.

That’s something I’ll own. Or the “Bang, Bang” in my shorts. Fucking up this morning. Only it could be the guilt, fear, or anxiousness which also comes with masturbation. Yuck! Talk about something that should be kept surrounded by bones. Don’t you think so too? Skin and bones. Which appears even more likely when I see what I was getting back on the tax return. I won’t be boning anytime soon… that is if I paid for it. Working hard. Madam Justice, I wish I was today. It’s going to be a long day. But what about tomorrow, hmm? I put a better man in a box; my son Braxton. I can do without my head. My heart’s for Braxton. Hard Enough, Hearts Have Cages.

Chronicle 213 ~I’ll “B” Seeing You~
Gospel 213 ~Will “B” Seeing You~

729 Days Without B III, Day 170 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 208 ~B Virgil In Time~

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A big lie, I tell myself… There’s No Time. What did I do all this morning? And those small instances when I’m trying to teach V (sigh). I had all the time in the world after the Day Job, but I was so mad. Braxton paid with time. B Virgil In Time

Wednesday, January 25, 2023

Saga 208 ~B Virgil In Time~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, ha-ha. How I wish. It would be better if Virgil (formerly Archie) knew who he was. And me… I’m a Boob.

Not the guy that should be worrying about taxes, calling the termite guy. Terrible Daddy? That last one we’ll get to in a while. Only I need to make a list of the necessary things. Yeah, it’s not like my Six Impossible Things are any closer. Even pepped up with energy. Please, I’ll be asleep by five. And speaking of closing my eyes, have I cried for B III today? I did curse out Virgil for stepping in shit last night. As I’ve said, January is not a good time. And isn’t this entire existence about me stepping in shit? One more reason we’re talking now. But (sigh) we’ll finish well today because what shit will the Day Job bring. Again, taxes, termites, filters, adulting…

When all I want to do is be a little boy, curled up in blankets crying for my best friend. That Inspector Echo is what is pissing me off the most. Well, the Day Job. But besides blaming myself for Braxton’s death, I blame them for making me hate. Republicans? Inspector, I’d make a damn good one if I was some old white Trumptard. But no, I want to talk about my son (Braxton) and the boy (Virgil) in this house. Whatever will I do? There will be barbecue and dog movies. No new treasures as I look at the account that doesn’t say billion. So why do I keep saying I AM? Hell! I am still Braxton’s Daddy, and nothing will change that Inspector.

But then there’s an animal communicator I want to talk to sometimes, Inspector. A wish. And before that, I meant to speak to some of these counselors. About what I will do with Virgil, come the day. When has anyone ever agreed with me? Oh, right, I killed him. And it should have been me, but this isn’t Heaven. Tuesday begging for heavenly boobs. Only she refused, so I had money to spend on books. And those books, Echo, weren’t about burying fur babies. Inspector, love and hate Amazon. Wonder what they and other stores must think of me? When the truth is “I Don’t Know Who I Am.” I could use a “Repair Man,” a bug guy, a counselor, or an adult. Virgil? No, Braxton. B Virgil In Time

724 Days Without B III, Day 165 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 206 ~I Don’t Know Isn’t Stupidity~

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I ask authors, “things.” Or at least I read their books. The last one I talked to, I asked to see her yabbos. As far as asking anyone else anything… There’s B, but he never had answers. Comfort was enough. But speaking? “I Don’t Know Isn’t Stupidity”

Monday, January 23, 2023

Saga 206 ~I Don’t Know Isn’t Stupidity~

Two-Hundred and Seventy-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now… which means stupidity, lies, and damn “white supremacy” (in some cases). It’s damn near a language, Madam.

But as the song goes, “first let me explain that I’m just a black man.” And while I could go all into racism as people like Ron DeSantis will keep it prevalent. Fuck you, DeSantis! Madam, for now, let’s focus on me. Oh, what? Not on my dead kid? Every day we take a step closer to Braxton’s second anniversary. That’s the wrong word, isn’t it, Madam? His Memorial Day? Aren’t I full of questions today? Now that I’m awake… in a better state of mind. But we’ll get to that in a bit. First, there’s B III. If only he were still alive. Madam, I don’t know how I’m going to do this. Pretty ironic, huh? The one I turned to never had answers.

Again, at least Braxton was/is real. And I would have never given in this morning. Madam, you can relax. As I said, I’m up now. Bright-eyed, bushy-tailed. Hairy butt? Virgil ticked me off last night. He’s becoming a brat with his outside time. Time-out? Last night he had to stay in Braxton’s room. So I didn’t bother thinking about behavior. Madam, I had mine to consider. My “Obsession” to go with another song. Fucking fuck. In case you were wondering where I was from, four in the morning, a half-hour. Cumming? I’m thankful that I didn’t. But there was Twitter, Tifa Lockhart’s tits, thumping over an English beauty, etc. How will I ever get over this? Boards don’t hit back. And some Triple D Yabbos?

It was either those or falling back asleep. The Million-dollar question. How do I exist? Every morning when I wake up… that’s Sugar Ray, by the way. Anyway, I look at the time. I was up at four again and settled down by 4:30. By five, I had an energy drink and had been watching The Last of Us reactions. On and off besides talking to you. And still, I wonder. Why don’t I have a billion dollars yet? You saw what it took to do banking and shopping. This week won’t be good, but with 100% truth, next week will be the worse since Sunday, January 31, 2021. Then 2022. Now a bratty friend in 2023. With no one to ask, I remain stupid. I Don’t Know Isn’t Stupidity

722 Days Without B III, Day 163 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 201 ~B-V That’s Naming’s Hard~

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Long story short, Virgil Vivi. Virgil for a Roman poet who saw Dante through Hell. Vivi, for the black mage in FF IX. Fire magic… and I’m carrying the fire, well him. I can’t write The Road or Harry Potter. What’s my name? “B-V That’s Naming’s Hard.”

Wednesday, January 18, 2023

Saga 201 ~B-V That’s Naming’s Hard~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now… so I’m Elisabeth Badinter (no idea who that is.) How about J.K. Rowling? Nothing against Trans…

Hell! I know a few people named Braxton and even more named Virgil. Their net worth combined wouldn’t equal a billion. Actors, singers, announcers, anime, and the like Echo. But as Robin Williams said, “you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?” Hmm. I’ve never made it a secret. What is it people say, go into a business where you are always needed? It’s books, babes, and bullets. Well, that’s my opinion. But how do those things relate? Intelligent people wouldn’t need ammo. Neither would people getting fucked. But as the song goes, “I am a real American.” Not a Republican. I said a Real American but guns… Only books will be my first love. Well, true love is Braxton. But Cassandra Sarbeck…

Again, somebody, I don’t know, but you do know me, Inspector. So pornography, uh, duh. “Dancing Bear” Lady’s Night Blow Out, to be precise. I swear, being horny or angry. Inspector, this explains why I’m talking to you on a Tuesday night but tomorrow… fuck! The Humiliations Galore awaiting me at the Day Job. Yet it’s today I’m most ashamed of. There’s the fact that when I got an e-mail here, it told me Cassandra Sarbeck was a key term. As much as I want to be known for my pornographic passions. What about my book “Gulp?” I have two more stories for my dead kid, my Braxton. Wouldn’t he be proud of his old man? And I could tell you all about Virgil today.

But no Inspector. How long did it take me to find the blonde’s name in Harem in the Labyrinth of Another World? Her name’s Roxanne, by the way. God bless hentai, right E. There’s Erza Scarlet from Fairy Tail. Selphie Tilmitt, Scarlett Fay. And let’s remember all the Japanese titles I’ve been watching. Thanks so much, Twitter ha. Oh, all my keywords. I’m surprised I know my own name. I feel you, Oh Il-nam. A billionaire screwing people. Anyway, indeed my name is better off not being remembered. I hate people. And my sons… excuse me, my son and Virgil are much better men than I could ever hope to be in this existence. It’s their names and meanings making me B-V That’s Naming’s Hard.

717 Days Without B III, Day 158 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will