Tag: Falling

Meditation 101 ~Braxton The Professional, Virgil~

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Everyone Says Hi. But that’s the Day Job for ya. And it’s next week. After I wasted most of this week thinking someone fired me without telling me. Well, Braxton found new employment amongst the or at Hell’s Gates. “Braxton The Professional, Virgil.”

Thursday, October 10, 2024

Meditation 101 ~Braxton The Professional, Virgil~

1348 Days Without B III, Day 789 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Hopefully, it wasn’t a work day. Do they have jobs on The Rainbow Bridge, Braxton?

Are you giving Cerberus a break at the Gates of Hell? Ironic, isn’t it? I can’t REALLY say I’m in Hell because, according to my body, I am very much alive. And if I were with you, Braxton. You’d ensure I could never leave our “HOME” again. Never again. Professional.

Better a guard dog than a hitman, like Leon: The Professional. Again, “isn’t it ironic, don’t you think? When the truth is, I put you in the ground. Or rather in the oven… Ashes… Geez!

Braxton, I should not be making that type of joke as a particular type of person. No, not ever! Especially with “you know who” running for president. And the evil he and MAGA foster. Who do I think I am?

Whoever I am, whatever I am, it ain’t rich. And isn’t that what brings me to you today, my son? Oh, and I REALLY need to stop looking at those AI pictures of the senator…

Braxton, not that one. I mean Senator Padme Amidala. Before that, it was Kara from Detroit: Become Human. I am being gross and highly inappropriate. Uh, your aunt’s Yabbos… But it was Kara that broke me last night. Stress release after my Day Job order.

The schedule? Yeah, I got one for next week. Oh, the irony… (Rolls Eyes). They are the only ones I blame for your passing besides myself. And I feel good that I have that job…

Now that’s gross, evil, and rich rolled into one, Braxton.

I swear I woke up this morning after such and such a dream/nightmare… I felt as if I had been run over by a truck. It was The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident all over again.

You weren’t protecting me from such dreams and disgusting behaviors. What? It’s not your job. And it’s not Virgil’s either, as he snores away at the foot of the bed. And of course, I’m FORTY!!! And the Day Job must pay me more to afford both hearth and home. My manhood, I know. Your Grandpa paid your food and medical bills before the Day Job?

What do I want to do for a living? I’m trying to figure it out, Braxton. I want to make you proud, but it takes work. I miss you, son. If the money is lousy, you can always come HOME. Yet, Braxton The Professional, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 094 ~Virgil… For Braxton’s Comfort~

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Of all the psychiatrists I visited, no one had a couch. I never ended up on one. That type of healing was reserved for reading on the couch with B. Movie nights with his honorary aunt. And other films. Comfy spots. Virgil… For Braxton’s Comfort.

Thursday, October 3, 2024

Meditation 094 ~Virgil… For Braxton’s Comfort~

1341 Days Without B III, Day 782 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? And yes, I asked Virgil the same question. But, will I begin talking about you…

AGAIN! As we move further away from my Emergence Day. Or closer. It depends, B.

Like the difference between a couch and a loveseat. Seriously? I’m looking for comfy spots. And for the third day in a row… Sunday, September 29, 2024. I’ve made it to the Dining Room table once more. I’ve told several in the harem; this week will be worse, B III.

Excuse me, did I say worse? What I meant to say was, “more difficult.” I swear, Braxton, I miss talking about politics with you. Virgil can’t stand it. Is that why he cuddles up to me nightly and I finish everything or not during the day? I finally watch television.

Braxton, even if I sleep, I can never rest. You?

Well, not with me griping every day. I got a message from M Anime about her being a complaint on two legs. I’m a complaint on three. Eww! I know B III, I’m so sorry.

Thankfully, your Aunt, her girlfriend, and their fur buddy haven’t come to join you, B.

Only here I am, safe and sound, imagining new furniture for the Living Room, Braxton.

As if I do any Living. And what about Virgil? Even now, I’m still upset… Your Dad can hold a grudge, grief, and a groan when I hear you or Virgil walking around the corner when I thought I had some alone time. Again, Eww!

Awkward and uncomfortable, but consider this, Braxton. I have a choice. It’s either for my comfort or Virgil’s. I got around $150.00… So, still broke.

A little less than half must go to the bare minimum to keep me alive. So yeah, food. Here’s the choice: I can use the remaining funds to buy Virgil’s medication (Heartworm Prevention). However, I could buy a lifetime subscription to Balance for myself. After the 30th, the price hikes back up by hundreds. Virgil isn’t dying, and we’re talking one month. Medication’s late already.

It’s only by a few days. The answer is obvious. Buy the medication! Effing honestly. Only it’s the difference between being a Friend, Best Friend, and a Daddy. I understand.

The difference between a home, a threesome, or a harem. An orgy or a gang-bang. A couch, loveseat, and casting couch, Eww! Professional couch time, maybe. Virgil… For Braxton’s Comfort

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 087 ~V To Talk Braxton~

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Most days, anything I say isn’t worth a text. I message B III’s Aunt. I’ve stopped asking M Anime to see her Yabbos… For the most part. And as long as I “heart” Cherry’s work… There are other buttons, Alarms, gates, and pants. V To Talk Braxton.

Thursday, September 26, 2024

Meditation 087 ~V To Talk Braxton~

1334 Days Without B III, Day 775 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m still in bed this afternoon, Saturday, September 21, 2024. Am I growing up yet?

You were much more of a man than me, B III. But alas, I’m too tired to cry. Terrified? Can I say I’m throwing a temper tantrum? My fortieth Emergence Day has come and gone.

Will I go back to crying about you at the end of the month? I don’t know, Little B. Inevitably, I will cry about you, B. Other than that… I can push buttons saying anything. That seems to be my theme for today. I’m having all sorts of trouble communicating.

Today, your Dad was busy with a little “Bump n’ Grind.” Eww! I’ll never forget having to warn you not to hump your toys in front of your aunt. Or get all up in her Yabbos. Like father, like son.

But again, this is supposed to be about me. And being a meanie to your little brother Virgil Vivi… There was a time I would sit with you in your room all day when you were sick or cuddle you. I just put up the gate today to quit Virgil from coloring the carpet again with his stomach stew. Again, Eww! Your Dad’s not great with language. Speaking my feelings

Braxton, it all goes back to the concept that everything I want is inane, insane, idiotic, or impossible. It’s better to stay quiet. But where did that get you? My indifference, trying to keep all that I am in check. I was scared to even text your grandma this afternoon. Somehow, I did it, Braxton.

But what about the rest of the world? It can’t be all about mourning you. Did I say that out loud? Okay, enough about you, Braxton. I really am trying. B for Braxton or Breath.

Other than my conversations with you, Braxton, the man in the mirror, and my “Harem.” What am I really trying to say? Well, son, that’s the thought that drives me mad as soon as I wake up every morning. Other than, “Why am I still breathing, dammit? Life sucks!” Indeed

I have OnlyFans, but that wouldn’t be feeding either of us, Braxton. My utter madness.

And what about my novels? I might as well sleep. I keep pushing these buttons for Yabbos, alarms, and Virgil. Push V To Talk Braxton.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 080 ~Braxton, Virgil, It’s Time~

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What time is it? And would it matter where I am now? Oh, what? Am I going to blame it on the rain? Even Virgil is done as he lies here sleeping. And me? I’m older after Emergence Day. But B III was here for 15 years. “Braxton, Virgil, It’s Time”

Thursday, September 19, 2024

Meditation 080 ~Braxton, Virgil, It’s Time~

1327 Days Without B III, Day 768 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? How about me? Me, Myself, And I. We’d talk after I was sad, mad, bad…

Ironic, isn’t it? It was when I felt nothing and became indifferent until your time came. Mourning? Morning? What day is it? Right now. It’s Friday, September 13, 2024, and it’s raining cats and dogs…

Braxton, it’s that time again when fear creeps in. It’s a feeling that never changes. Only the circumstances do. And today, as my ‘favorite’ song goes… ‘Today is all about you.’ Well, me, but you understand. If we had a song, Little B, it would be ‘Run Boy Run by Woodkid. Because that’s what it always felt like. You and me against the world, but we hadn’t the strength, but someday. Always, it was someday. Look at the time, Braxton.

No, I need to look. This is my time, month, and the meaning of Emergence Day… I swear B III… Your Dad came into the world a waste of time. A C-Section. Testament of laziness.

On my part, of course. I love your grandma. And I’m sure she believes it’s about time I grow up. “When will you grow?” I’m sure your stepmom is somewhere asking that while she waits for me. I’m forty, Braxton. Can you believe that? And yet I asked the question…

“When will you grow?” Because you were always a puppy to me until one day, inevitably, you weren’t anymore. Time Enough At Last… When I’d have wealth, women, war dog.

Braxton, I would be happy. Time to die or happiness?

What time is it now? Now, “I fill my lungs with fear, and I Exhale!” Don’t I wish, B III.

You know I have yet to make an “Emergence Day” wish. But then again, I haven’t had a slice of cake yet. But by the time you get this, Braxton, who knows? Wishing for time!

Braxton, I always find myself wishing for your return. What have I been hoping for, really? Stuff & Thangs, but…

Braxton, it’s more time or money…. Time is money. And what have I been spending time on? Worrying about the fence. Ogling women who are nowhere near your stepmom… Eww! Dreaming of ways to make money since I’m always sleeping. But when I wake up… Git Up, Get Out, right? Maybe tomorrow we gon’ be alright. Braxton, Virgil, It’s Time.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 073 ~AB Honor Roll Virgil~

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Thursday, September 12, 2024

Meditation 073 ~AB Honor Roll Virgil~

1320 Days Without B III, Day 761 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I am my father’s son. Though he would ask, “How Was Your Day?” Those days…

I shouldn’t have made it past those days, Braxton. I shouldn’t have made it past my 40th Emergence Day. And yet here we are. I know you don’t like me speaking like this, B III.

Should I go back to crying over you? Or what about thinking about your Aunt? How is Gabe doing, by the way? Is he wherever you are? For now, Braxton, that’s at the foot of the bed this Tuesday afternoon. It’s Tuesday, September 10, 2024, to be precise. So working… Braxton that has become “the great fear” since Emergence Day has come and gone. Sigh.

The manager asked me about Emergence Day. At least last year, there were cupcakes, B.

I hate Emergence Day, as always, but I like eating.

And while we’re on the subject of eating… “the great fear?” That’s a reference to The Road. I was the man, and you were my little boy. You were never starving… Okay, you might have had dirty water, but that was during that period I was intentionally starving myself. That’s not a fun way to die. I should stop now before I end up crying over you again. B III. There must be a simpler way of saying that money’s tight around here. My mouth

“All I know is the child is my warrant, and if he is not the word of God, then God never spoke.” ― The Road

Cannibalism? Yes, I’m still thinking about that book Meat by Joseph D’Lacey. It was a more visceral Tender Is The Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica. I’m not that hungry, B III.

Seriously, with what I’m reading now… Meat going in mouths…

Eww! That’s gross. Talking to you about such things… And I remember you, Braxton sitting on the floor as I tried to explain why you shouldn’t “have the stones” to “hump” your toys when your Aunt was around. Or to get all up in her yabbos. Your father’s son, indeed. We were both horn dogs. But we needed to be better. Braxton, you were better.

But here I am at forty… Well, you were around eighty, right? Anyway. I’m forty and trying to figure out what or how I will eat. I’m tearing myself apart bite by bite, I know.

School days were the worst, and that was before all the “problems.” And at the Day Job? To have better grades… AB Honor Roll Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 066 ~Will, B, Happy? Virgil~

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When’s the last time I’ve said “It Was a Good Day?” “I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow.” A man without gratitude. One who doesn’t count his blessings. A man… not even at forty, which I’ll be very soon. I’d rather find my son again. Will, B, Happy? Virgil

Thursday, September 5, 2024

Meditation 066 ~Will, B, Happy? Virgil~

1313 Days Without B III, Day 754 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Today, I’m going to tell you about one, Braxton. But before I do this, please understand. Happiness is not my nature. Even when you were here. Also, let’s think about breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Really? Your way of timekeeping. A reminder of our shared moments.

“When I wake up in the morning, love. And the sunlight hurts my eyes,” plays on the radio. I see you staring back at me. You’re not sitting on my head or guarding the door.

We’re not back-to-back. You lick my nose, so of course, you must be hungry. But I have a little bit of money, so I order breakfast. The only people we’ll see today are delivery people and Daddy’s special friends… I let you play outside as I sip a cappuccino. When the vittles arrive, I will fix you a little buffet, and you will think it’s Christmas. But it’s Emergence Day.

“And in this moment, I am happy.” Happy to be…

Alive! With You! Older! But Braxton, “You know I’m a big boy, and big boys have desires,” seriously. Hey! You like your Aunt’s Yabbos. But first, we need food, and you need a mom. And Mexican food is a good idea. And getting it on with the maid… As I said, “special friends.” We did share with you until our movie time… Netflix and Chill?

Would you rather I lock you up or close the door for “adult time.” If I’m forty, you would be nineteen. Still, I don’t need my puppy seeing me and a pretty brunette. Your mom?

Well, no. But you know what it means when you hear Sade’s Smooth Operator playing. My cue for my privacy…

Anyway. Woke her up after fun… she didn’t hesitate to call Big Will the top gun. Did I do any writing today since I’m busy ripping off Ice Cube? “It Was A Good Day,” B.

However, it’s not over yet. Your Aunt wants to come over and spend what’s left of the day with us. You know I go all out for dinner. Steak and lobster. I actually looked up whether dogs can have lobster. Of course, you get another plate for yourself as your Aunt, and I watch movies. Cherry and M Anime send “gifts.” Those I don’t share.

Your Aunt leaves, but there’s a knock. Braxton, I think I just met my wife.

Somehow. Will, B, Happy? Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 059 ~Braxton’s Looking Fly, Virgil~

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Fight or Flight? I wish I could say I’m a lover, not a fighter. But if there is one thing that makes me fly… Besides a pretty face or one of my boys needing me, it’s fear. The Earth rumbling beneath me into Hell. But, “Braxton’s Looking Fly, Virgil.”

Thursday, August 29, 2024

Meditation 059 ~Braxton’s Looking Fly, Virgil~

1306 Days Without B III, Day 747 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Today… Tuesday, August 20, 2024, to be precise. I was falling out of bed. Almost.

Should I blame myself or Virgil? What a way to go, my friend. Only to this day, I believe you wanted to stay. Hell! You fought for weeks against sickness, starvation, and your stupid Daddy. I heard this joke the other day about a newlywed couple looking at each other, and the maid of honor said, “You’re looking at the person most likely to (take you out). I guess you had to be there. But my point is, being father and son, I never expected…’

Well, the first death that I caused would be that of my son. Euthanasia, Braxton. I wouldn’t discuss this with your aunt, but you could ask Gabe. Was it easier to leave his Mom on his own terms? I wonder.

Why am I so down? Uh, I don’t mean with V kicking me off the bed. Oh! He should have. Let me hit my head on the “TV Tray” and roll to the floor. And then just drift away, B? More like flying to you. Am I still under the impression that I’m going to Heaven? Is the Rainbow Bridge part of Paradise? If yes, then there’s no chance. If not, then we could be together again. For all I know, you took Cerberus’s job, and we’ll guard Hell’s Gates.

Heaven would be smothered by a puppy who loves me or a pretty girl sitting on my face. Eww! I’m sorry, B. Remember when you got “The Talk…” So awkward.

Remember when you were all up in your Aunt’s Yabbos? Or when you were sitting in her lap, you little traitor. Those were the days, Braxton. I’m kidding about your Treachery… Betrayal? That was me.

It’s what inspires me today or a few days ago when it was storming, and V was sitting in my lap, scared to death. He was shaking so hard I felt the floor was going to break beneath us. And I was reminded of how you did the same thing when you saw the end.

But when I held you for the last time… I raised you up. I promised you would be as tall as a king, and you would become even taller. Angel, God, Titan? Daddy is a worm. Braxton’s Looking Fly, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Episode 181 ~Will Sticks The Landing~

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I can’t stand it, the waiting, the hoping, even the falling is a tad too exhausting for my taste but if one wants the gold… it sounds like I’m going for the Olympics, all the writing I’ve done where could I go wrong. Will Sticks The Landing

Saturday, December 29, 2018

Episode 181 ~Will Sticks The Landing~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, you step, you leap, fly, fall, and you trust that your feet will find the ground and today, my heart is in my throat. My eyes are on heaven, and while yes I’m sitting on my ass, one day it may be on the throne, it might be the movies, how about my loveseat? Better than being on my stomach, crawling like a slug, and we both know what else I could be doing but no, as one of my motivations goes, I don’t care if I fail, I’m gonna try.

Yes, I still hate that word, today I was studying one such attempt, and what happened there, she’s married and happy with someone else, and she’s still an acquaintance of mine if you can believe that. Like authors I have never met, a man who writes every day, and a dozen or so internet pages that I’ve skimmed through, the past few hours, telling me the same thing but what else can I do. Again it doesn’t matter, I’m afraid, I could end up losing the “Rainbow Connection” which of course is my theme for this course of action, I’ll get the gold, I’ll enjoy, the beautiful colors, I’ll survive, but I’m going to say

Rainbow Girl,
It’s been quite a while since we were chasing the gold together at work and being honest you were my silver lining those days; if you could have seen me “blush,” how I looked forward to your hair choices more than the sun, a man couldn’t call in sick if he knew you’d be around. However, that smile of yours, the thought of you, who has time for the blues, then again fireworks, stars, and of course the rainbow, so allow me to reach higher and higher still. If I may ask would you go out with me, or as the song goes What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve, I couldn’t imagine a better way to end the year and begin the next than in your company BLANK.

Happy New Year
Will

Dominant how; I’m sure Indiana Gone and Okay will laugh at this because I’m a guy that needs their input on this and honestly do I care that much, but on the other hand I’m always topping my worst thing I’ve ever written so progress. Isn’t that what I should be doing in all areas but talk about backward, delving into the past, the definition of insanity but there is only one direction after all so… Will Sticks The Landing.

I Will Have No Fear

Little Green Man

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Evolution of man, or just a change in the weather, it’s still hot these days and so am I, but I wish I didn’t feel like such an alien in my own world. Little Green Man, well more a simple black man but why do I dare to dream?

What of those leafy greens?
Popeye and his can of spinach,
and if I could be like him
for being a man means

I will not fall, I will stand tall
but what kind of man would I be
if I could not be me?
Break the wall

like Samson, the Hulk, or Hercules
a child of God
or to Apollo, I’d nod
asking please, please, please

race across the sky
because how many wishes will I need
How many stars are there indeed
superman may try

to count, if I could believe
that I wouldn’t miss a single one
I’d be done
as autumn leaves

getting in my way
like the best thief
of my sanity, asking how might I keep
The man I am today

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Love from Scratch

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I can make love out of anything… almost; a smile, a voice, eye contact, a bit of softcore and hardcore porn, well intention words… take your pick. Love from Scratch, when you’re mad and yet you know the truth or when you’re in the shower with a Fleshlight

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCusEdHNmUI

And it always hurts somehow
But before I say ow
I’ll cover you; I’ll follow you into the dark
I want to tear you apart
Fix you but I don’t know how
So would you come with me now?

Should I ask again, plead and beg
You knock me off of my feet but on my own two legs
Well you have you have wings
Only I’m trying with everything
With every thought in my head
Every breath you take, if you shared my bed

Even then it might hurt a bit
Would a kiss… a bit of ravishment
One bad romance
Or even a lap dance
Tell me, because I want to know what love is
Be my heroine and crazy bit*h

Somebody’s heartbreak
The reason I’m still awake
Why I think three little words through
Just love me like you do
Yeah this might be a mistake
Still I’ll Say what I need to say, if you can take

A little bit of love from scratch
Love… have I had enough
Stay with me, because
Pain like this or that

No one wants to feel alone

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: Babydoll a.k.a. Emily Browning… Sucker Punch, RENT (2005) “I’ll Cover You”, Death Cab For Cutie “I Will Follow You Into The Dark”, She Wants Revenge “Tear You Apart”, Coldplay “Fix You”, KONGOS “Come With Me Now”, Lenny Kravitz “Again”, Lifehouse “Everything”, Scala & Kolacny Brothers “Every Breath You Take”, Lady Gaga “Bad Romance”, N.E.R.D. “Lapdance”, Johnny Jewel Ft. Saoirse Ronan “Tell Me”, Foreigner “I Want To Know What Love Is”, Buckcherry “Crazy Bitch”, Hunter Hayes “Somebody’s Heartbreak”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, John Mayer “Say”, Sam Smith “Stay With Me” and “Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.” by Jarod Kintz