Tale 059 ~ It’ll B Fun, Virgil~

I woke up this morning… and? Do I want a prize, a medal, even another breath. Well, I don’t want that breath for me. If I had my way, um, besides the things I want to do to my wife or to have another cry over my dog, no, my son. Existing. It’ll B Fun, Virgil

Tuesday, August 29, 2023

Tale 059 ~ It’ll B Fun, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so we’re supposed to be having fun. Most holidays work that way. Even the most solemn…

Not that E-Day in any way, shape, or form is a holiday. Before 2021, I would have called it the worst day of my Existence. Emergence, Existence, Extinction. Time-Traveling Love. Today is Saturday, August 26, 2023. But you know what day I remain trapped within. Sunday, January 31, 2021, is the new worst day. The day I lost my firstborn son, the prince, pup, and pancake known as Braxton. Then again, I would rather have that day than E-Day. At least then, I wouldn’t be a selfish so-and-so. Psychiatric help, my critic said. If I could only remember the day that Braxton hopped in the car. Or when we were “placed” in our first house. The day he jumped into my arms. That is Love.

Those were causes for celebration. But now I look at the days ahead of me… Well, if anything, if you knew how far along I was talking to you… I mean, for real. Turning thirty-nine. It’s not the least bit funny. But I’m supposed to have fun. It’s more for everyone else, though, I’m afraid to say. I’ve been listening to these meditations on loneliness. I have you, I know. And I won’t dare compare myself to Will Traynor in “Me Before You.” And yet. Paralyzed. Every day, my Love. I keep moving, and at the same time, I’m trapped. Braxton’s still lying in his bed on that table, and I’m holding him, and then you go all Jurassic Park, Love. Life finds a way.

Love will find a way. I have the day we met. Better, the day that I made you my wife. There’s the day I figured I would try being a father again. I look at V and still sigh. I have to question what at all I was thinking. Was/Is it Braxton? He’d know better than to mention E-Day, but yeah… “Daddy, pick that one. I can’t make this more black and white.” 2V and his three little black spots. Comedy comes in 3’s, I heard before, my Love. And how many two-legged kids do we have around here? They want their Daddy happy. It’s not like they’ll pay me half a million for an E-Day I don’t want. You say… It’ll B Fun, Virgil

940 Days Without B III, Day 381 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 058 ~Personality Trait; No, Cruelty’s Habit~

I’ve got bad habits. I cry over B once a day. I’m unsure Virgil knows his name; I hardly speak to him. Yet, I’m ranting about hating my Day Job. And whenever will I stop gasping at the sight of… never mind. Personality Trait; No, Cruelty’s Habit

Monday, August 28, 2023

Tale 058 ~Personality Trait; No, Cruelty’s Habit~

Three-Hundredth And Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I didn’t need money to become cruel. The Man in the Mirror, my Braxton, too many…

But today, Friday, August 25, 2023… Time Travel. As usual, I begin with Braxton Barks. How I love my son. But dying was the worst thing he ever did to me. But who chose death? My final words to him might as well have been, “Go To Sleep.” Music Madam? That’s the problem. I’m never sure if I’m hearing Braxton or I am torturing myself. I’ve listened to this song, “On My Block,” all day. In particular, this one line goes, “I’d never leave my block; my (n-words) need me.” You have no idea how much we need you, Braxton. I’m back to reading books on dead fur babies. “When Pets Pass Away,” ha. So not funny. True enough, me being a sadist and all.

Or should I say a masochist? The things I’ve been subjecting myself to these days. And why. What day am I on now? And why not read something like “Backyard Dungeon 2?” Either way, it goes, I’m hurting myself and getting off on the pain. I’ve cried twice today so far. I don’t deserve pleasure, plainness, or even pain. That’s keeping my pants on, Madam. Suffering is a feeling. And who knows? Oh! Have my Olds called yet with E-Day? Every day, we get closer. I have been cruel to them. Seeing I continually breathe. Then I think about what I want from women. But looking at myself, Madam… Monster! Next to Braxton, I hurt him most of all. And how to break the habit…

I’ve been wanting to since I was 17. Younger than that, even. Damnation is eternal. Madam, with my luck, I would find myself talking to you right here in this bed. Wouldn’t that be a vision? You and all the girls, Braxton sitting in his corner, and a successful me. Now, this sounds like more of a confession to Inspector Echo; only Madam, please listen. I habitually talk to myself because nobody wants to listen to me. Uh, V and B III. Can they hear me? It’s like that scene from “New Moon.” There’s the Possibility. Right? And with things like OnlyFans, Pure Taboo, and The Pic Phenomenon that go on, sigh. But feeling nothing. My Indifference killed Braxton? Cruelty? Personality Trait; No, Cruelty’s Habit.

939 Days Without B III, Day 380 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 056 ~We’ll B Positive Virgil~

B III hasn’t reached the Bob Marley section in his musical selections with me. For example, Three Little Birds. But I’m positive I dreamed about him being a seagull and eating one of my books. Positive energy, sigh. We’ll B Positive Virgil.

Saturday, August 26, 2023

Tale 056 ~We’ll B Positive Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Am I positive, Lunalesca? How many days I’ve been eating chicken? I’m losin’ my finger-lickin’ mind.

That’s from the movie “I Think I Love My Wife,” by the way. Ah, movie nights! Me, Braxton, and his Aunt Carolina. It wasn’t happiness. But a step-down or two. It’s not better than “Relations,” but better than sleeping —anything regarding staying on my behind. Only I read something yesterday that I can’t find today. If you want to know why I’m talking to you late, Lunalesca. It’s 6:50 in the morning. Well… Besides watching an old movie, I made of myself with my clothes off. I’ve been looking for this quote on energy. Something about love is energy and how it changes shape and never dies, dear Lunalesca. It makes me wanna cry… DIE.

Which, of course, is all I’ve been thinking about this past week. And with one week to go until E-Day… Emergence, Existence, Extinction. I don’t have the energy, Lunalesca, OK. You know what gives me energy? Relations… or rather solo Relations at this point, Luna. What was I doing yesterday? What made me feel good about myself? The Pic Phenomenon? As the song goes, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone!” Only Braxton didn’t. He had me. But I didn’t follow him now, did I? Hell! I was too revved up fighting for his life, Lunalesca —the FEAR of losing him and the failure at doing so. FEAR more than anything else, Lunalesca. But it burns me out fast. It keeps me hiding underneath these covers. Chicken dinners, Virgil the dog, and Depression aren’t helping, Lunalesca.

Neither with the energy or positivity. No. With everything on the brain, my blood type… The things I can’t tell you, Lunalesca. Stuff and Thangs, I couldn’t tell Braxton, “Alright.” “We gon’ be alright. Do you hear me? Do you feel me? We gon’ be alright.” Wow, that song was out before he died. Not that it would have made a difference. Like the Almighty. And no, Lunalesca, I don’t mean the wrestler. Watching wrestling is perhaps one of the few positive things I do. If you call it watching and with everything… Windham’s death. The only things I’m positive about. The Thirty-Eighth E-Day will be the worst one ever. I miss my boy Braxton. And I’m still breathing. I’m alive. We’ll B Positive Virgil

937 Days Without B III, Day 378 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 052 ~Virgil’s Lovely Days B~

“The sun is up, the sky is blue. It’s beautiful, and so are you.” My idea of a lovely day watching movies with B and one of his favorite girls in the world. Or waking up in some big fluffy pillows. Hell! Let B stand on my head. Virgil’s Lovely Days B

Tuesday, August 22, 2023

Tale 052 ~Virgil’s Lovely Days B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m always on the phone or reading a book, regardless of where I am… existing.

I’m always thinking about Braxton. I imagine so many ways I’d like to wake up Baby Doll. Allow me to get my inner Quagmire on AHEM “Giggity.” Anyway, I get up every morning knowing my son isn’t here. B III would either lie on my head to cover the alarm sounds. Or he would be stepping on my face because he needs to go out right now; what I wouldn’t give to have those days back. You, our children, being famous, our billions? “How Long Will I Love You?” How much do I love you? Always and forever. With all that, I am and more. And that leads me to what I’ve been thinking about these past days. E-Day? Death? And now, with Time Travel.

Today is Thursday, August 17, 2023. And I’m not dead yet. “I’m still breathing,” love. God knows at the old Day Job how I wanted to fall off a ladder or be crushed under some boxes. And with understanding “This Is America,” there are some “Dumb Ways To Die.” But I didn’t back then. And now? As I said, this man loves all that you are and more. What we are and will be. Only there was more of me, my love. Resurrection. Necromancy. My B. How I wish I had given him better days. A last day? Hell! Braxton should be here at eighteen. THEY say today is a good day to die. But as I was telling my boy, there’s always more Yabbos.

I’m sure he’s looking down on me from somewhere and saying, “Hey, Dad, comfy spot.” Whenever I was able to hug up next to you, my love. Or when the kids come and lie down on us. He’s saying, “You could be all soft and gentle, I remember.” Someday? Virgil will have a good day where he’s not scared and can feel all “Safe & Sound” after 374 days. Even now, I can’t tell you what a good day might look like for him. It’s not like I’m looking forward to lovey days myself. Again, we’re talking now as each day moves closer to E-Day. Emergence, Existence, Extinction. Desperation, Depression, and yes, Despondence. I’m sorry, love, we’re all looking forward to Virgil’s Lovely Days B.

933 Days Without B III, Day 374 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 051 ~Better A Bother Than Never~

If 2V weren’t here… He lays there and has food, water, and comfy spots. He doesn’t bother me, and I don’t bother him. I do the Day Job, and hopefully, no one bothers me. And will I appreciate “my” existence at some point? “Better A Bother Than Never”

Monday, August 21, 2023

Tale 051 ~Better A Bother Than Never~

Three-Hundredth And Fifth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and what person in their right mind would say no to that? For the Love of Money

Hell! For the Love of Braxton. You know there was a time, like with Virgil, I would say, “but you’re not my son.” Braxton was my sister’s dog, and that was it. My Ma even placed me on the same level as him. I’ve told this story so many times. Of course, you know one of the greatest moments of my existence. I told Braxton to get in the car, and what happened next, Madam? I didn’t pour the Bisquick, but Braxton became my pancake. Madam, I haven’t had that moment with Virgil yet… I decided to bother him, ha-ha. Bothering him right out of a rescue and into an existence, I’d give up now if I could. I wish. Monday, August 14, 2023, sigh.

But then I wouldn’t get to see what happens with M Anime. Does she hate me for what I bothered to give her? I sent her that “Avidlove Sexy Lace Robe Kimono Mesh Nightgown Babydoll Lingerie Set Bright Green. A mouthful. Ain’t it? And that was way back when, ha. And now? It’s said it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission. Ain’t that this very rule? And remember, uh… it was one of the MILFS I paid. The song says, “All I wanted was to see her naked.” I dared, and she delivered. I dared again… Well, I’m dead to her now, unfortunately. While I’m quoting songs. I wonder, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone.” Inevitable, like Thanos. Bother asking, “What Makes a Good Man?”

I look at the “Man in the Mirror” and ask him for “Just one more peaceful day.” Uh, No! Since Braxton, I’m still not speaking to God… whoever you hold that to be. Never! Questions are raised about this woman or that one. How badly do I NEED employment? Or would I rather have more trouble with the people I do always and forever? Nope! And as much as I care about the plight of “my people,” I’m sure to them it’s well. Sho Nuff.

And maybe that’s why I get up. The very definition of insanity. Bothering somebody, ha. And I hope they won’t say never even though I want to say Never Again. That’s pretty controversial… I ask. Better A Bother Than Never

932 Days Without B III, Day 373 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 049 ~Braxton’s Haunted House Virgil~

Am I trying to get in or get out of this house? It depends on who you ask. I can’t say Virgil and I don’t know each other. As long as I sit and stay. There’s my Olds with E-Day coming up. I can’t hear what B’s saying. “Braxton’s Haunted House Virgil”

Saturday, August 19, 2023

Tale 049 ~Braxton’s Haunted House Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So, handing out candy is the least I can do. Will I even see Halloween? E-Day

Lunalesca, we get a little closer to the second worst day of existence every day. Of course, you know the first. Hell! Virgil knows. With Virgil’s wailing and gnashing of teeth, I heard yesterday afternoon. He didn’t sign up for this. Well, neither did my B. “With these hands,” as the song goes. I swear, Lady Lunalesca, I’m a freaking monster. Only I’m trying to decide which one. Or am I something like the Rat King from The Last of Us Part II? Scooby Doo teaches us that the worst monsters are human, which explains what I did yesterday, Luna. Daphne and Velma sans any clothing. As always, we’ll get to that, won’t we? For now, there’s the ghost of my boy. Lunalesca… His voice…

Braxton hasn’t been speaking to me… I’m hearing my critic. And there’s also B III’s Aunt. I mean, seriously, how often do you want to talk to someone “feeling super, super (super!) suicidal.” I know I’ve been avoiding myself as much as possible, Lu. I swear. Lunalesca, how many times has it been that I’ve listened to the Succubus Lord Series? Yesterday, I looked to see if Satan’s Sorority Girls had an audiobook. More money… The only thing that makes more noise than the usually quiet V is dollars disappearing. And the way I’ve been scanning through what to read next. The Kindle Challenge (sigh). And here you thought I was skimming through porn. Heheh! Well, not to disappoint… Ecchi Na Onee-chan ni Shiboraretai. Japanese?

Given how things are going, we could all be speaking German for the Nazis or Russian, whichever the GOP prefers, but seeing as how I’m a Black Man. They don’t want me to speak at all. You know, the whole being dead and all. Is that why I’m a monster, Luna? Like father, like son, Braxton would follow me. And if I taught him that Lunalesca? I am more of a zombie than a ghost. As usual, I eat, but it doesn’t help ever, Luna. Going with another song, “Am I A Psycho?” Worst, if you’ve read my books, Lunalesca. Oh yeah! Here I am, almost thirty-nine, and what have I done? I haven’t lived a day. Especially after losing Braxton. Braxton’s Haunted House Virgil

930 Days Without B III, Day 371 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 045 ~Virgil’s Love B…eing Determined~

Is it too much or not enough? Love. Where is the love? That’s not hard. It was at the vet’s on Sunday, January 31, 2021. It was in ashes on February 4. And sitting on my nightstand by the 10th. Friends, Ma, uh Virgil… Virgil’s Love B…eing Determined.

Tuesday, August 15, 2023

Tale 045 ~Virgil’s Love B…eing Determined~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I love the holidays. Now… Juneteenth is not a useless holiday, Vivek Ramaswamy. Scumbag!

Or that’s what my Ma would call him when she tries not to curse ha-ha. Somebody got on me about that today, a critic, Wednesday, August 9, 2023. So yes, I’m time-traveling once again, love. But didn’t I tell Inspector Echo that it’s a miracle I can even get out of bed? At all. Ever. Hell! I’m impressed Virgil can hold his bladder that long. B was/is much the same. But seeing how this is supposed to be the future, I wonder how “Gotcha Day” went with Virgil. I was going to say B III, honest to God. I’m hoping for a good Thursday. It’s Payday. I remember when I had my old Day Job. That getting paid was a testament to a wasted existence.

There is nothing to celebrate most days. Last night, right out of the blue, I was reminded to take some time off for E-Day. Emergence, Existence, Extinction. Level Thirty-nine soon. Baby Doll, not to go all Spice Girls, “If you wanna be my lover…” But I will never accept E-Day, especially now. It wouldn’t bother me. Not in the slightest if I weren’t here for it. Seventeen? Hell, younger than that should have been the end for me. All my billions, if I could have a Terminator built… I’d want it to go all Judgment Day. “I’ll Always Love My Mama.” As I’ve talked about before. My Aunt told me that I wanted the world destroyed. No profit in that. The Talmud says something like, to save a life is to save the world entire…

Then, to take a life is to destroy the world entirely, then yes. But only me. Do I love people? First and foremost, I love my family: you, my Braxton, the pancakes we made together. There’s my Ma, the freeloader living in the house… I should stop calling Virgil that. There’s a fondness for “my” little sister and my nephews. What about my “father” ha… A reason I want to make our billions. There are friends, B’s Aunt Carolina, M Anime, Cherry, Special K, I could go on. Really? Love Overflows, Overwhelms, and Omits me. It’s like “Me Before You.” I get up for Braxton’s memory, the love of a good woman; my children need their Daddy. Drink or Drown, Jigsaw. Virgil’s Love B…eing Determined.

926 Days Without B III, Day 367 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 044 ~Be Selfish In Your Victories~

“8 Mile?” I’d tell all my failures so they can’t be used against me. And if I had it all… Ask any pretty girl about my cash flow. There was a time when I only wanted to provide for myself and B. And keeping Virgil safe. “Be Selfish In Your Victories”

Monday, August 14, 2023

Tale 044 ~Be Selfish In Your Victories~

Three-Hundredth And Fourth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and like most, if not all, I ain’t sharing. I’ll give the illusion of being magnanimous, Madam.

Every once in a while, I’ll think back to “Grandma’s Hands,” more like Grandma’s words. And we’ve talked about this before. How she would say, I was full of pride. Madam, Sean Connery’s King Arthur said, “I have no pride left in me.” Since Braxton? How proud I was/am of my firstborn son, my “First Knight,” as it were. Hell! Madam, the last movie I started watching was “Ready Player One.” And I haven’t finished. Yesterday was Virgil’s first “Gotcha Day.” And I went out wanting to brag, that what? Against all odds, I have kept him alive for one whole year. Madam, the bare minimum. Madam, like any Republican, I’ll brag about that. No! I still talk about failing my son. His fifteen-year survival

He could never tell anyone. And yet, the things I share, show, and shed. It’s no big deal. Is it? The fact that I can keep my pants on going seventeen days now. Inevitable Madam. Oh! That I would brag about such a thing. That’s a win I should save for me, but oh no. Do you remember when Braxton’s Aunt was here? And I wanted to share with her these “pornographic passions.” I doubt M Anime will approve even when I bought her the outfit of one of the girls in the video. My son was my goodness. Any other triumphs I have, Madam? The plan for “my” continued existence is based on succeeding in the worst ways possible. And I’ll let everybody know.

Braxton, at least, had me. If I was lucky enough to get out of this place? If I won, Madam. As the song goes, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone!” Nobody would know Madam until… Well, I’d rather not think about it. It’s the way I don’t want to think about E-Day that is coming up fast —emergence, Existence, Extinction. I never tell anyone when it is. And no one asks. The way we’ve had all these conversations over the years. But then again, a victory? Breathing is no victory. And, like everything. It’s something people think I should keep to myself. And yet, flash, family, and flesh. If I had it all, I’d let the world know. Stop it! Be Selfish In Your Victories.

925 Days Without B III, Day 366 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 042 ~Virgil B Spending Money~

A dime piece or a dime? I usually spend several dimes except for Friday. Well, if you count such and such’s birthday coming up. But that’s more a present for me, not her, with E-Day coming up. Virgil’s “Gotcha Day” is Sunday. Virgil B Spending Money.

Saturday, August 12, 2023

Tale 042 ~Virgil B Spending Money~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I should be proud of being all Brewster’s Millions with it yesterday. Not by choice…

That’s because you are STUPID. I know you would never say that, Lunalesca. Otherwise, we couldn’t be friends no more. Of course, you know who I can’t be friends with. Lunalesca, you know I mean B III. And allow me to contradict myself. B and I are friends, but you know what I mean. And if only I had enough money… Friday was a fluke? Lunalesca, in a way, it was. But more my stupidity. I spent most of those Walmart gift cards on something for M Anime… Let’s say that’s never going to happen. I have a better chance of bringing Braxton back from the grave. Don’t THEY say if you can make a woman laugh…? Well, I’ve made plenty of women laugh, but…

Suppose you can wake the dead, Lunalesca. To get my inner Thulsa Doom on, “That is strength, boy! That is power!” I would have given all I own… which ain’t much. To save my son. And in the end, where did my money go? Pandora’s Box. Faith, hope, love, Lunalesca. Today, it sits on a box on the nightstand. And funny, I should mention boxes because, again, where does all the money go? Friday, it was between OnlyFans and going for the Pic Phenomenon. After I wasted those gift cards, I had money to burn. But no, I didn’t, ok. Is it because Virgil needs a box, not like that? I mean a crate. Virgil hasn’t seen a girl in a year. Since the Rebeccas…

Tomorrow’s Virgil’s “Gotcha Day” Lunalesca. How will we celebrate? Sadly, like E-Day, Emergence, Existence, Extinction. What is there to be celebrated on Sunday? First year? Lunalesca, I’m about to have thirty-nine. And what have I done with them, I ask. Lunalesca, it’s all about boxes in one way or another. There’s the fence. The bank account. And would V feel safer with a crate? Braxton was more like Pikachu, not wanting to get inside a Pokeball. You see what happens when I finally “forced” him into one. It killed him. More time, more love, and yet I sing about money. “Cash rules everything around me.” C.R.E.A.M., Which I haven’t done in two weeks. “Saved” fifty dollars. For the Love of Money. Virgil B Spending Money

923 Days Without B III, Day 364 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 038 ~Daddy’s Back, Braxton, Virgil~

919 days, and I’m so tired. Excuse? I’m adulting. Or I could be nothing more than a Lazy Ass. I waste time on… Stuff and Thangs. But I’m still walking that path. The office where Braxton died to the front door. Daddy’s Back, Braxton, Virgil

Tuesday, August 8, 2023

Tale 038 ~Daddy’s Back, Braxton, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which should mean people are happy to see me. Braxton was/is always. Virgil? Don’t be scared.

But aren’t I always? Considering I’m time-traveling. Today is Sunday, July 30, 2023. So, a week and some change. I’m afraid I’ll return, and Virgil Vivi will be covered in whatever sickly mess he’s made. Or that he’s eaten it… Never Going Back Again. Gross! I imagine I’ll see that Braxton has returned to me. That’s when I’m not dreaming about some woman at the old Day Job. Or some “adult starlet” in the name of business. There is always my Braxton. You would figure I would hate going back to sleep. One more reason I love it so much. To be back with him or at least not in a world without him. Lying on my back, I can look to Heaven above (sigh).

And then there’s you, my love. When was the last time the two of us… Again, I’m looking towards the future, but at this moment. Yeah, I’m some holy roller. Sort of. Matrimony and all that, I only want to lay here with you. The world keeps passing me by. Only I can’t blame you for wanting to go out and enjoy it. Talk about something that scares me, love. That one day, I’ll see your back, and that will be it. Death, depression, and divorce borne out of this disease known as grief. Ok, you know how I feel about diseases and dying, hmm. “They were all in love with dyin’,” as the song goes —only me. I don’t want the kids following me.

I want them to live. The same as I wish for Braxton and Virgil, but how did that turn out? Virgil is alive, but he’s two. Braxton was on the cusp of sixteen. And our two-legged kids, my love? I remember my “big sister” telling me, you can’t do my kind of business near a school. Of course not. But it’s not me coming back from work. Work? Please! (Smiles). Didn’t I tell someone today I better not smile? And that had nothing to do with grief for B III. I’m surprised that didn’t have you running for the door or coming in —a miracle. Someday, I’ll come back from the vet’s Sunday, January 31, 2021. A machine, dead man, human? Daddy’s Back, Braxton, Virgil.

919 Days Without B III, Day 360 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will