Tag: Guilt

Meditation 016 ~Virgil, Better B Treatable~

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After V’s morning business, I’ll have a cappuccino and an aspirin… What? It beats an energy shot. I haven’t had one in weeks. Simoleons, ducketts, Dollar, dollar bills, y’all. Then V got sick. But good night’s sleep. “Virgil, Better B Treatable”

Wednesday, July 17, 2024

Meditation 016 ~Virgil, Better B Treatable~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. It all starts with waking up in the morning. I’m not a Bible thumper, but I’m a sinner. I carry a guilt with me every day, a burden I can’t seem to shake. Not ever! My everlasting shame.

As for what I’ve done wrong, it varies from day to day. Let’s start with the worst thing I’ve ever done. 1263 days ago, I watched my firstborn son, my fur buddy, my Braxton, die.

I have to remind myself of that sometimes Inspector Echo. Remind myself? How dare I!

And what about the living? Virgil is right here beside me for once. It’s time to reset that sign to 0 days without painting the floors with… You don’t even want to know E. Eww!

Stomach stew galore. And once again, I was down on my knees. But I wasn’t praying as I once had for Braxton. 704 days with Virgil, and if he were to leave me now, Inspector…

Honestly, I don’t know… Feelings. I’m lost in a sea of emotions and can’t seem to find my way out. I need your understanding and guidance, my dear Inspector Echo.

Even sitting here with Virgil, I need only think of my Braxton Barks if I want to cry. But Inspector, ask me what Virgil gets. I’m tired. And I’m listening to instrumentals. Because I don’t have any words for Virgil. Yesterday was the most attention I’ve paid him in about a week. Between the Simoleon situation, “my story” (I’m trying), and my usual “adult” shenanigans.

Yeah, it usually involves some young woman’s YABBOS. However, the pair I’m currently worried about are M Anime’s. Well, wasn’t that disrespectful? I have to pull myself out of that Nightmare of hers. Or, excuse me, Sofía’s Nightmare. Somebody said something about getting over a woman by turning her into literature. And fur buddies… Maybe.

“There are only three things to be done with a woman. You can love her, suffer for her, or turn her into literature.” Lawrence Durrell

No wonder I got inspired.

One woman got me to blog again. Cherry got a novel trilogy. Braxton got his name in over a thousand blog posts and two more novels. M Anime has around 6,000 words at the moment. If I were to ever lose Braxton’s Aunt… who knows? Virgil has a blank slate.

Inspector, I had to do all the cleaning after he got “down with the Sickness.” And now, with a good night’s sleep, all I can do is complain about not getting to nap. So, okay.

Inspector, we’ve established that I’m no good, and no amount of sleep is enough. I’m exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I need your support now.

Because there’s no medicine for what I have. Even when I had my son. How about a ‘super’ girl? Several Simoleons? Virgil, Better B Treatable.

1263 Days Without B III, Day 704 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 011 ~Braxton, Virgil’s A Tattletale~

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Do you know how a story is pretty good and then… Wham! Let’s just say the author makes it not that way. B’s life story was written by me. My existence is written by my old man, etc. And here’s V reviewing my madness. “Braxton, Virgil’s A Tattletale.”

Friday, July 12, 2024

Meditation 011 ~Braxton, Virgil’s A Tattletale~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Must I? It’s always the same, my son, something sinful or sad. All the above? I’m lost in this maze of emotions, Sophia, and I need your “light” to guide me.

“I’ve tried to find the key to fifty million fables…” When the answer’s always been my son, Braxton. And he’s not here to tell me anything. Is that why he sent Virgil to me? Ha!

I can’t blame Braxton. I always said that Braxton was my emotional support. I wanted to get him a little vest and everything. But fifteen years was too much for him. I was planning my trip to Heaven when I was younger than him. And now Braxton is pleading my case before God… or whatever. And Virgil, I’m sure, is reporting all my new sins.

Coincidences. Like after yesterday seeing Maxxxine, and I’m speaking about God. Or watching Twilight: Eclipse and thinking on August 13. And here’s another book review:

Twelve In The Backyard Dungeon:

Don’t mind me for thinking something dirty… But Eddie has seven wives and wants to add another notch to the belt. And I’m giving Backyard Dungeon 12, 4 Stars. As with the others, it’s full of warfare, women, and some weirdness. Only at times, it is wickedly complicated. There are so many characters and locations, so the world is whole. My favorite part, besides the women, is the idea of family. From Eddie finding out about… SPOILER, Twins! And having to deal with his parents and his beautiful blue son. Yet, I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone I know. And I’m deeply, irrevocably caught up in the story. It’s too late for me to look away. But I don’t particularly like Eddie. Something about him…

Now that I’m done with that, what would Virgil tell my firstborn son? Daddy’s crazy?

Again, I was at the movies yesterday, and I was thinking about all the religious cult shenanigans in Maxxine. And I questioned what I believe in. For example, atheism vs agnosticism. I would say I don’t believe in God, but that’s because Braxton died, Sophia. And I’ll never believe that a soul like my Braxton would vanish into nothingness, ever. My beliefs are shaken, Sophia, and I struggle to find my footing. So, another day…

What about August 13? That is V’s “Gotcha Day.” But it’s when Edward married Bella.

Even Backyard Dungeon 12. Eddie Hill is expecting twin sons. One he’s naming Virgil. I believe in aliens to zombies. I believe I can write a novel. From M Anime’s Nightmare? Braxton, Virgil’s A Tattletale

1258 Days Without B III, Day 699 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 009 ~Don’t B Columbus, Virgil~

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Braxton didn’t discover much of the world, but the little he did know about it, he wanted to rule. The backyard, his spot on the bed, my second best friend’s boobs. I haven’t seen much myself, to be honest. But A.I… Don’t B Columbus, Virgil

Wednesday, July 10, 2024

Meditation 009 ~Don’t B Columbus, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned, Inspector Echo, discovery can be strange like that. It’s not wrong all the time to explore, discover, compete…

And to be fearless. If only my son were here. That was a discovery I didn’t want to make. That Braxton wouldn’t live forever. And the Friday I learned, Braxton…

Forgive me, Inspector Echo. Whenever I think of something bad, I must remind myself that I have survived worse. My Little Braxton’s run to The Rainbow Bridge (a place where pets go after they pass away) is the worst thing.

Today, I was crying about something completely different. But it always returns to my B.

And then there’s Virgil. Talk about following your nose or sticking it where it doesn’t belong. But Virgil is my responsibility. And I gave up that fan I bought last year to blow in Braxton’s room and help mitigate the smell. I swear Virgil is afraid to explore the yard.

And I’m scared to discover life. Which leads me to why I was crying this morning. Do you remember Meditation 007, Allowed To Hate Your Birthday? Well, I don’t, Inspector. Anyway, I was thinking about that title today. And I’m about to reach forty. Effing FORTY, Inspector! And what do I have to show for it? Every day, I take another step forward, Inspector Echo.

More like I tiptoe when I should have already made giant leaps. What was I doing yesterday? I was a “Beast of Burden” for the Day Job. I couldn’t wait to get back here and write. But we’ll get to that. I read about fantasy girlies in Dystopian Girls 4. I played The Walking Dead and some other games. As usual, I fell asleep while trying to catch up with wrestling highlights. Roxanne, Kelani, Liv…

And yeah, I had left all the lights on, so I’m awake at two in the morning and have to shut them off. I only woke up late at 5:00 AM and stared at several girls’ “headlights” to wake up. All The Stars, so many. But that’s nothing compared to what has got me going.

I’ve gone from M Anime’s nightmare, which inspired me to write, to a 3000-word story. And now to planning an entire novel. Without an ending…

Inspector. While working on that, I discovered what Artificial Intelligence can do. Right now, it’s only to help me focus, but I’m ready to burn money and my fellow writers.

Whatever it takes for The End… Don’t B Columbus, Virgil

1256 Days Without B III, Day 697 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 004 ~We’ll B Shopping, Virgil~

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“Attention all shoppers…, Attention all shoppers,” my boy has passed. Well, he did three years ago. You should go buy Attention, Shoppers by Blair Daniels. It’s a great read. And I could use the Bluemart incident to shop. “We’ll B Shopping, Virgil”

Friday, July 5, 2024

Meditation 004 ~We’ll B Shopping, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… And no, it isn’t about buying a new book. I’m feeling the weight of financial constraints, Sophia. I don’t have money for fun frolicking or effing.

So, another story about Braxton, then? Like how he had the good sense to go to his room when he felt the “spirit.” Virgil doesn’t share that sentiment even after 692 days. So the gate is up, and he’s been sleeping outside the bedroom since Wednesday, July 3, 2024. Ha!

I know that’s not funny. If I had the money, I would buy some books on pet training… And didn’t I say I should stop reading books on pet loss? Uh, child loss… It’s been a struggle, Sophia. Nothing new.

After reading about fur buddies, I returned to a HaremLit series. It’s Dystopian Girls 4. Again, I need more cash. The need is becoming more urgent, Sophia. And why’s that?

I’ve been writing and then whacking. Oh, and book reviews:

Attention, Shoppers, Buy This Now

I’ve never given Walmart five stars. But Attention, Shoppers by Blair Daniels deserves them all. That’s including the Bluemart employees. The story could have added on to them, but still… For being short, this book had everything… Yeah, just like a Walmart. Only I wanted to be in this story. Did I really say that and mean it? Yep! My favorite part was the realism of it all. I may ignore most conspiracy theories. But having worked retail, don’t tell me something like this couldn’t ever happen. And the people. Speaking of which. I know plenty of people who could get into this. It even inspired me in my writing. Though I’m more S. Wolf meets Stephen King. Attention, Shoppers…

This is the stuff dreams and nightmares are made of.

That’s one more book review down. If only I had written it sooner, Lady Sophia. But another drawback of keeping Virgil out has been that I have been all alone. Well, what about Braxton’s ghost, spirit, or whatever? And it doesn’t help that I’m listening to Satan’s Sorority Girls 3, an audiobook about The Resurrection of Christina Fry. I need to get the fourth book, but I need more cash.

So this morning, I’m up and moaning as I continue writing about M Anime’s nightmare. A raunchy, revealing romp with her. Another three hundred words. But I’m not participating in Camp NaNoWriMo this month. And even if I was, I have to go shopping today… With what money? I’m reading zero. We’ll B Shopping, Virgil

1251 Days Without B III, Day 692 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 002 ~B In BBWS, Virgil~

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My Braxton was barely six pounds at his passing. I never knew grief could be so big until the ocean I cried for him. My rage would show there was no more room in Hell. And desire for release… Stars, Skinny Minnie’s, some Big’Uns. “B In BBWS, Virgil.”

Wednesday, July 3, 2024

Meditation 002 ~B In BBWS, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned, Inspector, in ways that may seem RUDE, SKEEVY, and unforgivable. My greatest sin, the one that haunts me even today, I lay bare before you. Accept it, for I am burdened with guilt.

Never! On the second day of a new writing year, I cannot choose ACCEPTANCE of my darkest sin. I wouldn’t on Sunday, January 31, 2021. And as I can’t do this Sunday, June 23, 2024. This pattern of denial has become a sin unto itself.

Well, I’m sure I have Humiliations Galore. But I rather not imagine them. I want to avoid rereading what led me to create this platform in the first place. I told the “Man In The Mirror” that I didn’t want to fail in putting out “my” poetry book, GULP. Seeing as how I have a week to prepare. If I only had a week with Braxton when he got sick… If I would have known.

Inspector, do you know I was practicing “abstinence” even before I found out about B?

Yeah, let’s go with that.

When Braxton was around, I wasn’t much for women. His presence was so strong, so clinging, especially in those final days. But I wasn’t UP for watching pairs of Yabbos. I was protecting my son from one thing but overlooked his actual danger. And so I failed as a father. And as a man, saving him. The regret is overwhelming.

So, I’ve been sitting here, trying to deny myself ‘self-fulfillment.’ “Do or do not. There is no try.” But it’s a constant struggle. It feels like a fitting punishment for my sins but also a source of deep personal conflict.

I remember I went 161 days without until, well, uh…

As the song goes, “I’m rich BLANK, I’m a BLANK Big Tymer.” I’m greedy! Selfish!

Inspector Echo, I never saw myself as one who would idolize Scarface’s stance on things.

“Me, I want what’s coming to me. The world, chico, and everything in it.”
Scarface

Wanting a specific size of woman is only another symptom of that… I’m equal opportunity with girls, as you know. But I’ve been thinking a lot. Oh! I’m not writing.

I lost control of my desires when a blonde celebrity, whose name I’d rather not mention, rubbed her legs during an interview. Today, I watched an Asian woman with the nicest Yabbos I’ve seen in some time, Inspector. These encounters, with particular anime, “Fake Driving School,” along with thoughts of Cherry, have tested my self-control.

But the critic doesn’t like that. My grief is an ocean. My rage encompasses Hell. Desires? B In BBWS, Virgil

1249 Days Without B III, Day 690 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 363 ~Virgil, Tells B Stories~

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We ain’t The Walking Dead. Am I trying to convince Virgil of that or myself? On Monday, June 17, 2024, I’m reading about “zombies” and retail staff. The difference? One has money to feed V and me. And buy a bitchin’ tracksuit. Virgil, Tells B Stories

Friday, June 28, 2024

Tale 363 ~Virgil, Tells B Stories~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Only you know me too well. All my “good” stories are something like “Wraith Babes.” Sigh.

Because the critic will demand an explanation. AHEM! Wraith Babes comes from the show “Black Mirror.” Specifically, Season 1 Episode 2, “Fifteen Million Merits,” Sophia. It’s been a while since I’ve last mentioned that show. I know. There’s free time.

However, everything falls back to my son Braxton. But when was the last time I told you a story about him? Well, other than how much I miss my boy. And again, there’s time now.

There won’t even be a book review today because I’m unsure what I’ll be reading. Today is Friday, June 14, 2024. I’ve started reading the book, “Attention, Shoppers” by Blair Daniels. Wow! Do I miss my Day Job? Retail and zombies… I think. “We’ve Only Just Begun,” right Lady Sophia?

Sigh, for context, I know “The Carpenters” song from the film “1408.” A man trapped. But this isn’t a hotel. This is supposed to be home. It was for Braxton. But for me, the word home, much like happiness, doesn’t register any meaning with me. But where can I go?

Especially since the only story I want to tell is about how I made money. And for over a decade, that’s been with the Day Job, which I worry about. When I’m not watching TV.

My Day Job is like something out of Hulu’s The Mill or, again, Netflix’s Fifteen Million Merits. Why not add The Book of Clarence? Because I’m not a scammer. There’s The American Society of Magical… No one’s seeking me out.

Well, except for my boys Braxton and Virgil. A Ghost, perhaps? And another I should have named Ghost because of his white fur. Or how about Snoopy? Because I’m not watching Game of Thrones. All this free time, Lady Sophia and I can only see the ways to waste it.

I can tell you other people’s stories… Horror stories like 1408 and Attention, Shoppers. Ha!

And yes, I’m wasting money or thinking of ways to waste it. I mean, Blair Daniels’s book was only a buck. I want to cosplay as Bing or Wraith. Those tracksuits looked a bit comfy.

And what is Virgil going to tell Braxton? I’ll catch him in the act of communing with my lost son. Maybe. Virgil, Tells B Stories

1244 Days Without B III, Day 685 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 361 ~Virgil Becomes Routine, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

I relate to Joe Stevens in “The Mill,” Bingham Madsen in Fifteen Million Merits, #000000014 from the film 2003 Share? Clarence in The Book of Clarence. Men in routines to a wife, Abi, girlfriends, a mom. I got Virgil. Virgil Becomes Routine, Braxton.

Wednesday, June 26, 2024

Tale 361 ~Virgil Becomes Routine, Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Well, not if you’ve “joined Braxton.” That’s become my new way of saying “unalive.” Censorship sometimes, Inspector Echo…

But this morning, after I finished mourning the loss of my Braxton… Is that something that needs to be scheduled? It’s my morning routine. I lie in the darkness, Inspector. Moments later, I panic. And then I realize that my son, Braxton, is gone. And he’s not coming back to me or for me. And then I lay back down. Sometime later, I find my glasses, and finally, I’m prepared to see the world. Well, no, that’s a lie for two reasons. Fear and effing.

So after I’m done moaning in a completely different way… For legs, breasts, and thighs…

That makes me smile. Braxton thought the best came out of a box of chicken. But then, what’s next on my agenda. My boy, Virgil?

All these motivations I listen to tell me that your success is made in your routine. This week will be so easy. I thought. I would publish a poetry compilation, “GULP,” and that would be that. But if I have accomplished anything, it’s setting a routine for Virgil. Wake up and let him go outside… Sorry, I’m too busy crying. And then I remember how much of an adult I am with my Yabbos collections. And before I start writing…

There’s Virgil. Sometime in the afternoon, Virgil again. Like having a 9 to 5, Virgil is my commute. And before I fall asleep with all the lights on, Yep, you guessed it. Let V out.

And yet I ain’t his Daddy, Inspector. What am I?

I asked Braxton’s aunt once who she thought would win between androids vs. zombies? That’s a weird question, Inspector… Right?

She said androids, but here’s the thing. Neither one is alive. Just like me, Inspector. I struggle with ‘becoming Human’ and ‘Being a man ‘. Am I just going through the motions, like an android? Have I ever truly lived? Inspector, I feel like a lot of things, an android… Inspector, I could be a bot, Infected, a slave, a zombie… I could go on. How to be a man?

I keep going back to fatherhood being the epitome of manhood. A Man Provides, Echo.

And what I should have provided this week, Inspector Echo, is time enough at last…

Every afternoon, though, you’ll find me “spending my dimes, wasting my time” on my belly.

Or on my back moaning…

Routine? Not writing, filming, reviewing? Nothing! Virgil Becomes Routine, Braxton

1242 Days Without B III, Day 683 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 356 ~Virgil, It’s Been… Braxton~

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Considering I can’t buy all the books I want, I shouldn’t miss Kindle’s double points. Yes, give Jeff Bezos more money. And speaking of giving out money. My father’s B-Day is soon. And since I have a Day Job… Read on? Virgil, It’s Been… Braxton?

Friday, June 21, 2024

Tale 356 ~Virgil, It’s Been… Braxton~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Judging by that title, I would rather tell Braxton tales. Humiliations, Happy Birthdays, Humping Around, Hiccups…

In my childhood, growth and development in becoming a REAL man? I need more books. Yesterday, I was looking up books about Dog Dads. I’m still missing my Braxton, Sophia.

Walking through the front door is weird, and I have to cycle between the letters B and V, as in Braxton and Virgil. And no, I am no closer to Acceptance. Braxton being gone, never!

But if I’m not reading about another book on my son’s passing, what’s next, Sophia? Thursday, I finished “Attention, Shoppers” by Blair Daniels. Only today’s book review will cover Backyard Dungeon 11 by Logan Jacobs. And what about book 12? Strangely enough, all I’ve been reading has manhood/fatherhood vibes at its core, dear Lady Sophia.

But first, that book review.

A 7-11 In Backyard Dungeon

I’m picking up another four stars for Backyard Dungeon 11. Is there any chance of five since I’ve read the first ten books? Close, but there is always a “but” or seven. Ha-Ha! What’s a man to do when he has everything: seven wives, his dogs/garms, and his first child? As the saying goes, “Disregard Females, Acquire Currency.” Well, not that first part… Besides all the Effing of his seven wives… Soon to be eight? Screwing up his enemies is quite a fun time reading about. And the pop culture references scattered about. However, this title is more of a guilty pleasure of mine. Even with some of my more open-minded friends… the redneck shenanigans, Colonizer chicanery can’t be ignored.

So, back to this existence, what all happened yesterday had me waking up at 3:00 AM to a nightmare. Isn’t every day with my firstborn son? Anyway, the Day Job was exhausting and humiliating as usual. But I don’t have to worry about the schedule.

Sophia, I should “Shout Praises!” I’ve been worried about the Day Job. Only now… Sigh.

My father’s birthday is coming up. I could get him the books he told me to read, Animal Farm and 1984. And look at me now, on the cusp of living out those books in real time, Soph. And even writing them. I did work on GULP before I got the schedule, so no time?

Tell that to Braxton. I wish. Virgil, It’s Been… Braxton

1237 Days Without B III, Day 678 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 354 ~We’ll B FREE, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Juneteenth… First, let me explain that I’m just a black man. And no MAGA/GOP, that isn’t a sin. My sin lies in my son Braxton’s Euthanasia. I’ll never be free of my Grief. But, fear, bad dreams, my Olds, Day Job… FREEDOM! “We’ll B FREE, Virgil.”

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Tale 354 ~We’ll B FREE, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. And I don’t mean not keeping my promise to my son Braxton. That title sounded familiar, Inspector Echo.

FREEDOM is a significant word in my life, much like HAPPINESS or HOME. Yet, these words, these concepts, seem distant and intangible. They are mere symbols devoid of real meaning. They are like a cow’s mess, scattered and meaningless… BS

Inspector, you want a word that means anything. I can give you one, meaning everything.

Braxton. Braxton Barks Bradford. Son.

I’ve told the story of B III’s name, or at least my opinion. My Ma gave Braxton his name. Uh…

My son Braxton was named after Braxton P. Hartnabrig, a character from The Jamie Foxx Show. This character was a tall, light-skinned man with a ‘classy’ attitude. However, my son Braxton, a short, beige fluff ball, shares only his name and believes he’s superior to everyone. But he lacks the class. Ha! My brave boy.

Hence, his middle name Barks.

Now, I named Virgil after the Roman poet of the same name. Primarily because he led Dante through Hell itself. That’s another sin; I dragged Virgil down here with me.

Inspector as I speak on the sins against my sons, Braxton and Virgil. It would be remiss not to talk about the third sin that has brought us here today. And that is of FREEDOM.

Today is Juneteenth, a day of liberation and freedom long denied. So what about mine? I was “freed” from sleep because of a bad dream. I make bad financial decisions.

$139.68, that’s the exact amount of a PAYCHECK. And that’s from the last ‘good’ week. This week has been worse. The next one promises to be even more challenging. PAYCHECK, HAPPINESS, HOME, FREEDOM… These are just words, empty and meaningless. Yet, I continue to write.

Because aren’t I a writer? All words have meaning. And how else do I expect to be free, I ask!

How many hours for my last measly PAYCHECK? And at the same time, barely any hours this week. And if I had any cash, I could go on vacation for most of next week, too.

Write, Edit, Publish! That is the key to freedom, but did you see me yesterday? Inspector, you can’t say that I didn’t try. What? I didn’t try to edit one of “my” books.” My pants?

Well, I kept them on. I still have $12.00 on OnlyFans, but I need $20.00 for a payout. What’s next?

FREEDOM from everything… well, FEAR! Because Grief is going nowhere. Braxton. We’ll B FREE, Virgil

1235 Days Without B III, Day 676 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 349 ~Virgil, Will, Forever B~

WillLeave a comment

So many monsters know immortality, eternity, and forever. My Braxton could be a beast. Ha! And he’s up there terrorizing a heavenly buffet or guarding the gates of “heck.” Where will I end up? All the time in the world, right? Virgil, Will, Forever B

Friday, June 14, 2024

Tale 349 ~Virgil, Will, Forever B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Is my autobiography too painful? Well, “I Can’t Stop.” And then there’s Braxton and MORE BOOKS!

But what about Braxton’s two novels? They are not just novels but deeply personal accounts of our shared experiences. As I’ve told Braxton and some of the girls, I have more than enough time. More than Three Days Grace and the “Pain” of it all. So I should start now.

But already, I’m late. That’s one of Braxton’s last lessons to me. I was so busy with the Day Job that I ignored him. Three years later, I’m scared of losing all “my” working hours.

Seriously, at the same Day Job, I blame for losing him. They are the only people at fault other than myself for Braxton having to be put to sleep. Much like the term Euthanasia, I hate that phrase being “put to sleep.” I nearly explained that to one of my nephews. But there are books:

“Loosing” A Pet Lost Stars

I’m not going to say anything about “Loosing” a pet. I don’t know if I would be right or wrong. But I’ll tell you what I know. It’s three stars. And let me tell you what else I know. I love my boy. He’s been gone three long years, and this book made me cry. But I cry with every book on pet loss, too. The most I got from Hannah Bennett’s The Survival Guide to Pet Loss is more ways to honor my furry son’s life. And his passing. But with the friends, I know that have experienced the same… I don’t like the fact I’ve read so many books on this pain. But I can recommend better titles.

One more book review down, Lady Sophia. What do THEY say… the internet is forever?

And that’s what I’ve been thinking about between the Day Job, the dollars lost, and another D that hasn’t done anything for me in a week. Is this how I want to be remembered, Lady Sophia? A guy who is lost in a Divinyls ditty, “I Touch Myself.” Uh, Eww!

I would rather be known as a devoted father of two… so far. But again, my Braxton is gone. And Virgil, my other “son,” and I aren’t exactly on the best terms. Always and Forever? But yes, I’ve called him son here or there, but…

But nothing. I have to write. And look at the time. It may look like forever. But only Braxton knows forever. Virgil, Will, Forever B

1230 Days Without B III, Day 671 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will