Thursday, January 1, 2026

Journey 184 ~Braxton’s Day One, Virgil~

1796 Days Without B III, Day 1237 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Good Day? Happy New Year, Braxton Barks Bradford! Firgues, I’d talk to you Day One.

And you didn’t have to sit on my head, ha. But B, you’re always “in the back of my mind. Do you Remember The Time?” Uh, you passed B, “Little Bitty Pretty One.” New year?

But your Dad still needs his music. I may have missed the ball drop… What? I wasn’t asleep. I just didn’t watch… (Not for lack of trying). Well, the bullets, bombs, and blowhards were enough. Your lil’ bro 2-V spent two hours hiding under my legs in terror. And I was zoned out until 5:00 AM. Party with the lights on, New Year’s Eve, thank you, Joe Walsh. But this is the first day, so how am I feeling? The house is full of elephants.

Stinks? Never forget? No Room?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

For what? New Year’s Resolutions? The 12 Wishes Ritual? Release Letter for the Year (2025)? Hell B, you were never “released.” I repeat “nearly” the same day you left on the 31st every year. Now throw in M Anime… For all I know, she’s a wifey. But on the 24th…

Five months since the break-up, I’ll consider that chapter closed—acceptance in that B III.

But not with us. I believe I’ll “See You Again.” But I’m Lenny Kravitz coming to M Anime, Eww! “All of my life. Where have you been? I wonder if I’ll ever see you AGAIN.”

Seriously, what will be my first song of the new year? I spoiled myself with Audible yet again, listening to Succubus Lord 7. I swear

Do I hear myself? What are my 12 Wishes for the New Year? Barring your resurrection or M Anime marrying me. “Letters from the Sky,” Ribbon in the Sky,” or something to that effect. “Something happens for me!” John Q, the King of Wishful Thinking:

1. Keep Little Virgil Alive
2. My Novel’s A Bestseller
3. Make One Million Dollars
4. Leave The Day Job
5. Find Someone To Love
6. Stop Being A Bum
7. Content Creation, Not Writing
8. Finally Live Without Fear
9. Therapy, Medication, Fixing Me
10. Buy A New Laptop
11. Bring Back Justice (Payback)
12. Be Who You Saw

It’s not much of a list. Not like that one way back, but Happy New Year! Braxton’s Day One, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, December 25, 2025

Journey 177 ~A B Holiday Virgil~

1789 Days Without B III, Day 1230 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? If I brought back food from my Olds Christmas Brunch. Pray for us, B III.

Me and your little brother Virgil? Well, it’s official. It’s Christmas Day, and besides you, B, and then some woman’s boobs/yabbos. The third thought that comes to mind is the 2009 film “The Killing Room.” Hell, anywhere but here or there, meaning the brunch, B.

Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I was up so early, and it wasn’t a Day Job requirement. All so I could talk to my favorite son. Parents shouldn’t have favorites, right, B III? Then again, Virgil got brunch invitations. You didn’t. I’d Rather Be With You, B III.

Bootsy Collins isn’t very Christmasy. But if I intend to see GREEN, I’d better be “Driving Home For Christmas.” Yes, “I’ll Be Home For Christmas.” A home I’ll never see…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Five For Fighting? Me, a wife, you, your little brother, and your two-legged sibling. Well?

Actually, it would be eight. I want three crotch goblins, but the singer and all.

Requirements of being a Dad, again, to be up so early. Being Superman (It’s Not Easy), Braxton, but it beats this. Forty-one/Ben-Hur, Ray Garraty from The Long Walk, or The Running Man’s Ben Richards. Where oh where is my Christmas spirit? You know us, B.

Ebenezer Scrooge had cash. The Grinch had his dog, my boy, but means, and know-how. And I didn’t even bother making a Christmas list. I missed “The 12 Wishes Ritual.

Saturday maybe. “A Release Letter to the Year?” And I also need some New Year’s Resolutions. But first, Christmas Day.

The worst part will be seeing my Olds. “Take the Money and Run?” Excuse me, take the food and go because I didn’t get paid this week, so I have to last seven days. Budgeting…

I’m lucky things didn’t work out between your potential stepmom and me. There’s a Cuban guy somewhere who has his Christmas miracle. Three women in his harem. Didn’t I read something like that last week, except they were all Asian women? All I wanted was M… Braxton, am I really going to lie on Christmas

Stevie Wonder sang “Someday At Christmas,” talking about what it was for. I hate it. Only if “Everyone’s a Kid at Christmas Time,” I wish I didn’t feel BAD. Merry Christmas, A B Holiday Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, December 18, 2025

Journey 170 ~Braxton, Virgil, Christmas Tails~

1782 Days Without B III, Day 1223 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? This should be me getting ready for Christmas: haircut, groceries, and the food truck.

If we’re only counting Christmas, I owe you five and Virgil four, for 2021-2025 and 2022-2025, respectively. We were never a “true” Christmas household. And you ain’t Lady Sophia, B.

Still, I felt like we should talk about Christmas and share a few stories. Hell, isn’t Christmas a “religious” holiday? A Christian holiday. The only reason I’m not an atheist is because of you, Braxton. “All Dogs Go To Heaven,” indeed. I absolutely refuse to believe that a soul like yours and “Someday” your brother’s vanishes. I’m going to Hell.

But before my trip into the 9th Circle “Treachery,” how did we spend Christmas, hmm?
Watching the Santa Tracker. A decent breakfast of pancakes. I could stay here with you because of your grandparents, ha.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Your grandparents, my Olds. Comedy comes in threes, right? I talked about being an atheist. So after I said, “Christmas can eff off,” your grandma bought me Pokémon Stadium for the N64. I was way too old for it, but it was another obsession. Misty…

Anyway, it was your grandma’s way of saying she understood my new beliefs, B III. Speaking of the N64, the second thing is I found it in the closet, took it out of the box, and played Mario Kart 64 for hours. I repackaged everything. And put it back. Seriously…

Lastly, your grandad yelled at me one Christmas, and your grandma, his always-and-forever apologist, did just that. What your granddad isn’t a Nazi. No politics today, but FDT! Eff MAGA!

But what about this time next week, Christmas? There is a story I wish I could tell you and your brother. Sigh… M Anime, you know, she was supposed to be you and Virgil’s stepmom. I don’t think your brother would be pleased, but anyway. Can you imagine if she were here for Christmas? Being with her on Christmas Eve or the 23rd, because that woman was as freaky as I was. I know Braxton, eww! I’d introduce her to everyone…

Seriously, if I gave her what she wants… A child. It would be close to Emergence Day, Little B. “Gee Whiz, It’s Christmas,” anywhere but here, B. “There is no love here, and there is no pain,” “Just Another,” blah. Braxton, Virgil, Christmas Tails

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, December 11, 2025

Journey 163 ~To B Bugged Virgil~

1775 Days Without B III, Day 1216 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? The best part of my day, as it stands, I heard from your Favorite Girl.

It’s always nice to know that someone is wondering whether you’re dead or alive, B.

Honestly, that’s a short list: you, your Favorite Girl, and Virgil eventually… He doesn’t sit on my head as you did. But I still could barely breathe this morning. I know you don’t like me saying that. But I did feel sick this morning. And death’s right up there with my dollars and my d*ck. I know Braxton, Eww! You should see the videos of women calling their men Daddy in front of their kids. I’ve been watching far too many, if you ask me.

I woke up around one in the morning, having accomplished nothing. And now it’s ten-thirty and… Well, I’m sure you know what has me buggin’.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Effing Termite guy will be here around one this afternoon, your grandpa said. Or four. “It Doesn’t Matter.” I don’t have “The Rock’s” money or even Wyclef Jean’s. I’m effed.

And that is one of the things that bugs me the most, B III. I know I’m effed. Hell, me and 2-V are effed, and there is nothing I can do about it. Paranoia, Anxiety, and Humiliation are feasting on my brain. Did I really just say that? Mind, body, and soul B III. Heart…

I’m not MAGA! FDT! I’m not even a Planeteer… Captain Planet? Before your time, B.

Only I know I still have somewhat of a heart because I still care about SOME people and your puppy little brother. Virgil’s five ha-ha.

But today I might not make it past forty-one… (Cue Ben-Hur galley drums). What, you thought I had forgotten just because I’ve been on a Stephen King kick these days?

Honestly, every day feels like “The Long Walk,” and I am “The Running Man,” however.

Where you gonna go, where you gonna run, where you gonna hide? Nowhere… ’cause there’s no one like you left
Carol Malone… Body Snatchers (1993)

That’s right, this is you and Virgil’s home, my son. And I’m sorry I have failed you all over again. The backyard fence has two holes. The shed door is chewed to Hell. Don’t ask me about under the house. The floor you once ran on is a mess: the baseboards, paint job, everything. But the wanna be Orkin man, my Old Man, and others feel like the invaders, an infestation. M Anime wouldn’t live here. To B Bugged Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, December 4, 2025

Journey 156 ~Braxton Is Off, Virgil~

1768 Days Without B III, Day 1209 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Braxton, I only lied to you when I was feeling some kind of way.

So, how am I feeling today? Well, I’m not Beau Williams, so I can’t say I’m “Feeling So Good Today?” Especially since I thought I had today off. I can’t afford to miss any more days. And I did have to talk to the GM today. Not like that! She asked about you, B III.

You’re not small talk, Braxton. But again, I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t addicted to the misery. Grief, mourning… I get off on it. Not like that! How to function without it?

Honestly, that is what I’ve been thinking about all day, while not staying “home,” Braxton.

You’re not ready for “that” conversation, I wanted to tell the boss lady. But seriously…

I’d be off for real…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Well no! Because you know what I mean when I say I want to get off… I don’t mean get off my lap because I’m reading something not meant for you. “Snowed in with Grumpy.”

A woman and her cocoa-covered yabbos. I know B, Eww! Again, stories not for you.

Honestly, I remember when “We Were Young,” and you crept up and tried to steal my cocoa, and you burned yourself. You were off and running. Speaking of being off, I remember that after I would wake up from any given workday, I’d read, and that’s when you would go to sleep. Virgil is the same way… Kinda. He’s been off since he got here.

1209 days and he still doesn’t know what to do.

1768 days and I still don’t know what to do. All I know is that I was standing there in the middle of the Day Job, “The Bad Place,” you would snort. And I was wishing I was off, B. And I do mean off. The worst part of going to sleep isn’t the fact that I can’t rest. It’s the fact that every single day I wake up, I wish I didn’t. At best, it’s “The Long Walk” with Virgil, though I’m trying to make that more of a” Stand By Me” situation. But for weeks it’s been “The Running Man.” And why are my stalkers women? Boobs, Bosses, not babbling with M Anime. Missing her and you, B. Only, Braxton Is Off, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, November 27, 2025

Journey 149 ~Braxton, Virgil’s 4-H Club~

1761 Days Without B III, Day 1202 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Happy Thanksgiving? Happy Food Day? Happy Turkey Day. Let’s hope grandma shows up with food…

Are you hungry, or is it just me? And no, that isn’t one of the H’s today, my little Braxton.

No, today I was thinking, in no particular order, Have, Heal, Help, and Heaven. And for that I needed a cult… Your Dad had to look up the 4-H club this morning, and what about yesterday? Whatever did I do yesterday? Well, if anything, your little brother V was happy.

There’s another H-word. We don’t do HAPPY in this household. But what about the 26th?

Okay. Do you remember me talking to Inspector Echo about flipping a coin? Heads, I go to the Day Job; tails, I stay with Virgil… Heads. Heads, I stay the whole day, or tails, I tell the ASM to her face, I can’t work. Heads. So you know what your Dad did, don’t you, B?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Coward that I am, I called in. And then what?

Not that son. I didn’t HAVE a good day. I didn’t HEAL. I might have HELPED the neighbor screw me over about the broken fence. Braxton, I dreamed of HEAVEN.

“I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. If I were to imagine Heaven, I would imagine a door opening. And he would be waiting for me there.”
― Cloud Atlas

Seriously, Braxton, is that where you are? Anytime I think about what lies across the Rainbow Bridge, I imagine food at the head, one of the sides, and the foot of the bed. And you’re waiting for me on that empty side, and I crawl up beside you. That’s heavenly.

Maybe it’s “Heavily” that I ask “pardon, goddess of the night.” Too much Shakespeare, huh, Braxton? My idea of Heaven.

Well, besides listening to Maurissa Tancharoen and Jed Whedon sing. I swear, Braxton, why do you have me thinking about Much Ado About Nothing” all of a sudden? B III.

Maybe you’re telling me to “Sigh No More?” We’ll see if I survive this week. I don’t know B, I just don’t know. And you know what’s effed up? When you “passed,” I didn’t take time off the Day Job. I didn’t miss a day. Hell! I waited till the end of that week to take you to the vet on that Friday. By Sunday… Anyway, I’m worried about Friday. And should I still have the Day Job on Wednesday? If I have it, if I help, not heal, or go to Heaven. Always a “Possibility.” Braxton, Virgil’s 4-H Club

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, November 20, 2025

Journey 142 ~V Visits Because Braxton~

1754 Days Without B III, Day 1195 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? There wasn’t a vet visit. The maid “Special K” didn’t come over. Your Favorite Girl?

You know the six months prior to her becoming your Favorite Girl. So much barking.

That’s what I’m going to do today, B III. I’m going bark, b*tch, and bu… Uh, TMI, my buddy. Sorry! And I did that over a pair of Asian girls I’ve been watching lately because…

Business, bucks, and who doesn’t like a good bukkake scene… Oh, that’s gross, I know.

But we men ain’t we B. We two, we three, counting your brother, Virgil. Who thankfully left me alone awhile… The food truck wasn’t here today. But what is here, my little one, is this. FEAR. I’m still freaking out. I believe in polite circles, it’s called a “Panic Attack.” So, not Braxton, I won’t be finding courage, and the crying is different—Daddy’s cowardice.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

It ain’t Depression. It’s FEAR. And I’m going to explain it like you were a person. Get it, B? Because people are STUPID. As Snake Plissken said, “Welcome to the Human Race.” B. And isn’t it IRONIC… don’t you think,” that it’s people I’m trying to avoid next week. So, am I going to tell you the story or not? I wish I weren’t so effing hungry, B III. Damn!

Ok, so next week I’m doing something called Return Drop. The critical part B, People.

I had a Panic Attack a few years back. You might have guessed, given that I came back to you early. Well, now it’s on the schedule. Black and white. Black Friday. No way out.

I have until Tuesday to escape my fate, Little B. Then I might be visiting unemployment because, as I was screaming at Inspector Echo yesterday. I CAN’T DO THIS! Braxton…

I’m afraid. I could always drop dead. You don’t know how often I wish for that. And yes, I know “it ain’t right, it ain’t right, it ain’t right, it isn’t right. That sht is wrong.” But I’m not the “Head of State” either. Someone who can be scared shtless, sinful, skeevy, STUPID, and proud of it. I’m only a scared man who’s been visiting his Day Job for over a decade. And I believe I’ll be coming home to Virgil next week without a paycheck. It’s called a Panic Attack. V Visits Because Braxton

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, November 13, 2025

Journey 135 ~Braxton and Virgil Repair~

1747 Days Without B III, Day 1188 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Mine? Ahem. “There is no love here, and there is no pain. Every day…” Blah.

I do like that song “Every Day Is Exactly The Same.” But I find myself wanting to shout that MAGA battle cry of “I don’t want reality!” And you remember, when I would come back from the Day Job, either we’d be too busy catching our breaths walking or stuffing our faces to talk. Then came napping, and then and only then could you “Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.” What sound am I running from today? All or none, pick one B III.

“When you’re too in love to let it go,” M Anime, you, V, the Man in the Mirror on Sunday.

I can’t fix this in 150 words or less. I’m sorry, B III. I ask others to allow me yaboos/boobs, so allow me to boo-hoo.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Today, I’m sad. Well, every day I’m sad, but I feel it more this morning. But how to fix it?

Even when Braxton was here and Virgil is here now, I didn’t know how. And maybe I should stop watching those, let’s say, “Alpha men” videos before bed, and dreaming? Honestly, Braxton, last night I had the most racist dreams, and I don’t know whether to blame MAGA or Tony Weaver Jr. It took me forever to find his name, B III. And why ha!

I only remember him screaming out, “GET SOME THERAPY.” Would that fix me, B III?

You didn’t know your Daddy back then. I was psychoanalyzed up the yin yang. And it didn’t take, B III.

I found courage with you; cash didn’t matter because it was you. And some P.Y.T.’s c*nt… Must I be so crass? What can I say, I’m feeling mean. Anyway, you like your favorite girl. And M Anime and I didn’t become a thing until four years after you left us.

So she’s more Virgil’s problem, and he can’t fix that. And nothing can fix me. Only that could be a lie. As I sit here thinking about going to see “The Running Man” tonight, B.

Yeah, you hated movie nights outside the house. Just me and your favorite girl. Jealous?

No, just hurting. “Guess we’re one in the same.” But you’re not broken anymore, Braxton.

I’m just broke—no hours for Braxton and Virgil Repair.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, November 6, 2025

Journey 128 ~Don’t B Forgetful, Virgil~

1740 Days Without B III, Day 1181 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Mine, you ask? Combine The Long Walk with losing M Anime, and what’s for dinner?

I saw the schedule for next week, so that last thing is going to be a B*tch. I remember when “Yorkie” Greta would come after you. Hungry Like The Wolf, my dear Mr. B III.

Today, as I fought low blood sugar at the Day Job, I thought about what we remember and what we forget. Yes, I mourn you every day. But what about M Anime? She was easy.

No, not like that. I mean, years of friendship and potentially making M your stepmom…

Thrown out like the trash. What made me so forgettable? And last night I repeated that prayer from Red Dawn. I wish I could forget being born. You wish I’d forget such an idea, but Depression over… 150-Word Cap. Sigh…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

“Memories of things that never happened. These are always the hardest to forget.”
Thomas Dolby

I wish I could forget the day you left B. Hell! I wish I could forget that whole damn week!

That’s not me being negative, but honest. Again, at the Day Job, there is a song that’s constantly playing. Pink and not Mariah Carey; Cover Me In Sunshine vs. All I Want For Christmas Is You. Cover Me In Sunshine is everything I want to remember about us, B III.

“Cover me in sunshine
Shower me with good times
Tell me that the world’s been spinning since the beginning
And everything will be alright.”
Pink

I want to remember how you lived, not just your last moments. Living, not dying.

Remember the Memories? Clone High was before your time, but I watched it with you.

Off topic, I know. But I want to remember hearing you when I found your little brother Virgil at PetSmart. He wants to remember me.

It’s one of the reasons Virgil has been so cuddly lately. And when he cries, I have to call to him to come into the room. I’m sure he still smells you, B. Your bed is still in your spot.

And what about my spot? Am I still “augmenting reality” seeing who I am? Really? Yesterday and today, my side hustle is making a little bit of change. Gentlemen, Braxton?

We were not. Again, honest. But you were/are a better man than me. Remember that!

Braxton, short of your life, I want to remember your courage. How to LIVE BRAVE!

Braxton, I want to remember what it was like to not be afraid. Forgetting FEAR? Honestly, “Gee, I’m not sure.” Yet, Don’t B Forgetful, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Thursday, October 30, 2025

Journey 121 ~Braxton Says Boo Virgil~

1733 Days Without B III, Day 1174 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? What would make my day better? Braxton, I’m living as a zombie, not a ghost.

I ain’t afraid of no ghost. And that ain’t you, Braxton. You’ll always and forever be my son. Only you can’t have chocolate. Oh yeah, Halloween is tomorrow. Scary time!

Honestly, that’s the time between my eyes opening and closing 365 days of the year.

Seriously, it sucks living in FEAR, haven’t you heard? That’s what I’ve been thinking about all day. What have I heard? I miss hearing your nails tapping through the hall.

Braxton, I’ve been reading Backyard Dungeon 22… That’s as Halloweeny as I’m going to get. But I keep thinking about Neil Bimbeau’s The Magic Glasses books. And I keep hearing a voice saying, “You’re not that man.” I’m not a positive one either. But for Halloween, I have to be.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

So, how does one dress up as silence? I mean, you wear it well, Braxton… I didn’t mean that negatively. I was trying to make a joke. TikTok doesn’t get my jokes either, B III.

That’s why I was smart enough to ignore all the comments when I sent that photo of you and Virgil in the classroom. Again, being honest, I don’t think you and V were the issue.

I want to be as silent as my eyes or some woman’s rolling to the back of their head in the throes of passion. We’re speaking as men aren’t we B. “Ain’t even much a matter what happens tomorrow, “cause we men, ain’t we?” Shouldn’t we watch a horror movie?

Movie night? Where’s the candy?

As a matter of fact, where’s the doorbell? It will be a Silent Night for us and little 2-V, too.

The three of us value silence, especially when watching the 1989 film Glory. What about 2014’s Selma? I’m only thinking about quiet things to do on a Halloween night. This one’s long—every single night.

I appreciate the silence at my Day Job. And what about my other endeavors? Grok could silently “repair” itself and return to its normal state. I’ll lose myself again, but it’s better to type out words than talk to your brother. You know what I mean. I don’t want to scare Virgil. Just being me.

Silently, he’s started cuddling close. Silence looked best through your eyes, and I saw someone in them I didn’t hate anymore. Braxton Says Boo Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad