Tag: Wedding

Tale 353 ~B Preserves It, Virgil~

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A life worth remembering. To have lineage, a legacy, lots of money, and love… Braxton and I had each other. Never enough money, but there was love. As for ladies? Well, unlike Virgil, Braxton had “balls.” But saving his life? B Preserves It, Virgil

Tuesday, June 18, 2024

Tale 353 ~B Preserves It, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I love our family. I love what I do… NOW. Virgil is alright. But my love for you, my future wife, is beyond words. But what about my… existence? Sigh.

NO! I’d rather talk about my Braxton. Surprise, surprise! My son’s been gone 1234 days. And you know what I thought about as soon as we were finished? And again, Baby Doll, I’m sorry. As Norah Jones sang, “I don’t know why I didn’t come.” Well, I do know, love.

As I was getting a towel to dry you off after… I couldn’t help but notice Braxton’s bed, untouched, and his favorite toy still in the same spot. These items hold so much of him, his essence, his DNA. It’s a bittersweet reminder, my love.

When it comes to my firstborn son, I’ve said even though I didn’t pour the Bisquick. Braxton was/is my favorite Pancake. I still have some of Braxton’s food and medications.

My love, “Had I known how to save a life.”

My love, I find myself in a constant battle. I hold onto my grief for Braxton as if it’s the only way to keep him close. But in doing so, it feels like I’m also losing my love for you. It’s a painful paradox, one that I’m trying to navigate.

I’ve been talking a lot about having “Too Much Time on My Hands.” And with the summer months, I’m thawing out even more pain. And not just mine, Baby Girl. Do you remember the book “Lust” by Ker Dukey? It was about a former football star who lost his brother. Then there’s “40 Days and 40 Nights,” about the guy and his ex-girlfriend. Oh No!

Where am I taking this?

There are also three more of my favorite books:
The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson
A Different Alchemy by Chris Dietzel
The Island by Gary Paulsen

One man is a former adult star who can no longer perform. Another runs away from the world after the loss of his son. I REALLY relate to that one. The third camps out on an island, and his “girlfriend” says he’s changing. But what do all these titles have in common? I ask you.

Men who stop performing, playing, and preserving their legacies. Sunday was Father’s Day, and I’ll say it again. Fatherhood is the epitome of Manhood. And what is mine, I ask?

Being your husband. A good father to our children, even to Virgil. But I need your understanding and support to save myself in this. Somehow, Someway! B Preserves It, Virgil

1234 Days Without B III, Day 675 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 346 ~The B Keeper Virgil~

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I think Braxton is trying to tell me something. I need to break in the new/old couch downstairs with a good movie. Of course, I didn’t buy it. My Olds decorating this house for a future I can’t see. And don’t want to. “The B Keeper Virgil.”

Tuesday, June 11, 2024

Tale 346 ~The B Keeper Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… I would “Dive for You.” What? Am I longing for a movie night with everything?

That movie is 2004’s Appleseed. Everything is about my little boy Braxton. But he’s not. Right? I have you babe, our babies, and business. My future is coming on. Our…

Yours and mine. But Braxton’s I keep. I don’t know what we’ll be doing tomorrow. Inevitably, though. Or at least it has been for at least 1227 days. I’ve found my way to my Braxton.

Love will find a way. As the song goes. And I do mean the Blessid Union of Souls version, Baby Doll. And not “The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride” edition. Wow! I’m really looking for a date night. “I Think I Love My Wife,” I’m kidding. I know. Like, I know I love B III.

Love, a future without him…

I’ve been thinking about the future a lot. Retirement? Don’t I wish. I’m nearly forty. Whenever I think about it, I immediately go back to my son. I know you don’t like me saying this, but the only thing I regret more than my birth is B’s passing. His euthanasia.

At least I didn’t have a say in birth. But ending Braxton… Ending everything, grieving.

“I’m Thinking of Ending Things.” I mean the movie. Not us, love. Always and forever.

But what does forever look like if you can stand me crying for my lost boy every few days. I was just talking about reading Hannah Bennett’s “The Survival Guide to Pet Loss” and Backyard Dungeon 11. To have all the time in the world.

“THEY,” say if you do what you love, then you’ll never work a day in your life. Sigh. First, I need to start living, but that’s another story. You’re my future, so I want to spend more time with you. If it isn’t sitting on the couch watching movies, it’s lying together as we listen to some 50’s apocalyptic pop. I don’t know how to sell a contradiction, right? Ha-Ha!

I want to keep writing books and making movies with beautiful women. And be somewhere between Hefner, Dennis Hof, and Jedediah the Terrible. Minus the criminality… A moral grey area

Beekeeping though? I’m not interested in the practice or the Jason Statham flick, The Beekeeper. But Braxton, you and our children, and Virgil buzzing around me. The B Keeper Virgil.

1227 Days Without B III, Day 668 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 339 ~Virgil, To B Apart~

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“I know you were right, I can’t be fixed.” Tell that to Virgil. He got stuck with broken me. Is it good that I’m nuts because he doesn’t have any? Jokes aren’t getting us any closer. And Braxton’s further away. Women… Ha-Ha. “Virgil, To B Apart”

Tuesday, June 4, 2024

Tale 339 ~Virgil, To B Apart~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… But those three little words, “I Love You,” are so far apart some days, love.

And I’m trying to figure out how to push them back together every day. Somehow. Taking Braxton’s ashes, with a bit of his fur and whatever else he left of himself, isn’t going to bring him back to me. Ladders can only go so high. Or how low I would have to go. That would be easier. But I’m still picking up the pieces of my broken heart. This mess

Those pieces are stopping me from finding the way to Hell. And looking into those pieces, do you know what I see? All the parts of this existence I love. Again, my love, I try.

But I’m no good with fixing things around the house. I couldn’t fix Braxton. What about our marriage? Not broken

Love has so many new parts now. Gigantic! A big, big love! Did I say that out loud? I can’t be that far gone when I want even more babies. If you’re up for that, my love. And isn’t that the whole point of existence? I believe that love is the answer. You know. Ha-Ha.

More to the point, the meaning of life… Seek out a kingdom “Worthy of Your Soul.” OK, I’ll turn the music off. But it’s a part of who I am. Only there are bigger parts. Um, well, you know that Baby Girl. OK, I’ll stop. But you would rather have me revved up than crying.

But I cried the whole time. Doesn’t matter had… relations.

Lies and jokes, my love…

I’m trying to find more parts of myself to help build us. And then there’s B III—boy, dog, son.

I want him to see from Heaven, The Rainbow Bridge, or wherever he ended up. My love, I need an existence so big that… What, he’ll find his way back? He’ll see my kept promise?

If I could love you, our family, and even Virgil so much, somehow, I could find my way into Heaven or build one for us. It takes so much. There are so many moving parts.

I have to get moving and start finding those parts. Lest Braxton and I, you and I, Virgil and I never find our way together. Humpty Dumpty. Fix. Even it out. Virgil, To B Apart

1220 Days Without B III, Day 661 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 332 ~ They’ll B Things, Virgil~

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Tell me that I could have Braxton back, and what thing would I give up. The phone, my por… my relationship collection. How about having an Enormous… uh. Well, I’m sure the Future Wife would miss that. But They’ll B Things, Virgil

Tuesday, May 28, 2024

Tale 332 ~ They’ll B Things, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… I love you. Much like “I am happy.” Such words do not come cheap or…

At all. When was the last time I told Braxton I love him? I’ve been more inclined to talk about time travel. Today’s Tuesday, May 21, 2024. By now, it’s been 1213 days without him.

And how many days since there’s been no word about him? I’m sure I screwed up somewhere down the line. It’s why his bed, toys, bowls, medicine, and comfy spots remain. My son’s things. I’m still mad about the very floor he once walked. Flooded. I wore glasses that finally gave up the ghost and broke. So now it’s like I have to see things as brand new. Even the DISH Network service he watched is gone. Yet another humiliation.

Watching wrestling and “other” things. The secrets I’ve tried keeping.

Not that I miss Braxton. Or that Virgil and I haven’t bonded in 654 days. How about the fact that our marriage, my love…? You and me, always and forever. Nothing changes that. How about the fact that I miss my Braxton so much? It makes me want you more.

It’s Physical Touch, Touch Starvation, Touch Deprivation, or my favorite, “Skin Hunger.” But I’ve said, “Everybody know I’m a… monster.” Zombie from S. Wolf’s novel.

And I believe I’ve had a revelation, my love. You know the things I want to do to you, baby girl. “I Want’a Do Something Freaky To You.” That is a secret kept from Braxton.

I once heard that when you want knowledge, money, success, or whatever, as badly as you want air. It is then that you’ll have it.

Only I can’t imagine wanting anything more than my son back. And to lose everything that I have seen my son tirelessly defend. The fence, the house, all of my little Braxton’s things, my love.

It’s why I deny myself. Everything, old and new, borrowed and blue. Haven’t I been saying I don’t feel like much of a man lately? But I’m your man. Again, always and forever. My love.

But the present is the thing. Love is a gift. A thought of caring like, Happy Birthday Cherry! The things I wanted from her. What I want from you, love. And V. To be happy.

We get that ourselves. The thing is, my Braxton’s still gone. They’ll B Things, Virgil.

1213 Days Without B III, Day 654 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 362 ~How Fatherhood Should B~

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Father’s Day was over a week ago, but I’m time traveling… (19th). The hard part of my day is over… Texting my father. The hardest part? Missing my son. And between PetSmart and what I pay ladies, I ain’t sleeping with? “How Fatherhood Should B,” NOT

Tuesday, June 28, 2022

Chronicle 362 ~How Fatherhood Should B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but without family? You know how I wrote Rule #13, “Power Is All That Matters.” Love?

Well, you know I could delve into my many playlists. “What is Love?” Or how about “Power of Love.” “What’s My Age Again?” Ok, I’ll stop. Don’t feel much like celebrating anyway. Father’s Day was like what, nine days ago. Or today counting time traveling? Hell! It could be. It could happen. And speaking of which, could I ever be the Daddy I once was. I will instead be the one who’s crying than our children. They don’t have to know. Tears are tears. I can only hope I’m the type of Daddy they want to spend time with. I don’t want to be a man that can expect some far-off text because it’s a holiday. Braxton could never say Happy Father’s Day to me.

But I would feel it. B was/is my firstborn, my son. And I was his Dad. Is this what fatherhood would be like? I didn’t know until it was. Only my rules; that Love Power. Would I be one to clean up after Braxton? A little different with two-legged children. Inevitable though. Like sharing music, movies, and a few manuscripts. Someday they’ll understand what B III meant to me. To be how I used to be. But always their Dad. And I didn’t know if I would be any good at it until Triple B showed me how. You would think it’s the other way around. My father got better at it when it came to my sister. Would I? Against All Odds, My Love.

Because that’s what fatherhood should be? B was never a Dad, but he was the best man I’ve ever known. And if we could have sons who loved as such. Daughters who accepted nothing less. For a time now, I’ve been thinking, if B comes back or there’s his sister? Either way, I’m getting the sign that I should be the man I was when it came to him, Love. Minus the indifference, wrath, and depression. The thing that killed B and then after, ok. I keep repeating myself, but you’ve heard me say that fatherhood is the epitome of manhood. And I am a Daddy, but I’m so much more as it comes to us. You’ll show me. But Braxton? How Fatherhood Should B

Gospel 362 ~Though Routine, War Never Changes~

513 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 355 ~To B A Friend~

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Truth, I don’t have any guy friends. I mean that outright know, see every day, etc., I’ll serve as an alibi when they start making their daughters’ boyfriends vanish. As far as my own kids… I was/am B’s father, but he was also my BFFF. To B A Friend.

Tuesday, June 21, 2022

Chronicle 355 ~To B A Friend~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but to buy a friend? I don’t have many friends. How many groomsmen did I have?

Triple B, of course, would have been my best man. What? He likes big heaps of food. Bigger Yabbos. And with the biggest mouth I’ve ever seen, he wouldn’t find a ring the least bit appetizing. Next to our family, he’s the only one to score 21 Blackjack scale-wise. Now how did that happen? Love at first sight? The only time you’ll hear me say that about a guy. Well, next to us having a boy as well. I could give you many examples of B being my friend. The one I always go to love, a million times over, him watching me sleep. But when did we become friends? Was it even my choice? Braxton had four people and ended up choosing me. What!

Now you baby girl could have any man on the planet. Hell! Any woman on earth too. So how and why did you choose me? Should I ask such a question with… um, my life? Love with everything, I should get back into the swing of things because I have no idea how I could do this again. Not that I would want to. I fall in love, we get married, and that’s that. Always and forever. I can’t say it was how I was raised, but it’s what I’ve always believed. So you’d never have to worry about me making friends with women, ha. Hell! Braxton was/is my only guy friend. I call Carolina his Aunt for a reason. Cherry, M Anime, pretty but…

Let me keep digging the hole I’m in, right. “Running Up That Hill,” as the song goes. Or as the kids are saying these days. I want our kids to see me as their father, friend, and favorite parent. Okay, that last one is asking too much. When it comes to my Olds… I’ll always love my momma, but we’re not friends. Are you seeing why B III’s so important? And to think I could go out and find such a friend again in this life. But I found you. And I’ll never take that for granted, my love. But haven’t I? I need to be a better friend, hmm. Be more like Braxton, who hated everybody? Like father, like son. To B A Friend.

Gospel 355 ~Adaptation… Compromise, Adapt Or Die~

506 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 096 ~Something New, Something B~

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I want to say that dogs are much easier than women. With B, until his dying day, it was “Get in the car, Braxton.” How much of that is offensive, if any? Anyway, he was mine the moment my Olds moved. “Something New, Something B,” Not looking for love

Tuesday, October 5, 2021

Chronicle 096 ~Something New, Something B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but this isn’t Futurama. Of the Pop Culture I’m into, this isn’t one. But “Seymour Asses?”

No, I’m not talking about work. As much as I would like to show you all that I do… Hell, I know you like it. I’m more of a Dennis Hof and his dog Domino sort of guy, Baby Girl. Only, Love my heart hasn’t been anywhere near my business in quite some time 247 Day. Braxton’s death, I know. How many dogs do I know that have met their end some way? Braxton wasn’t any dog. He’s My Son. Fifteen years. Longer than the despised Day Job. My love, longer than I’ve known you, which isn’t the smartest thing to say, honest. Dearest, are you going to go out and get a new husband? Okay, so I’m sounding like an ass at the moment, but what else is new?

Nothing else. Every Saturday, I walk into PetSmart and realize I’m a selfish bastard. One who walked out without his son on January 31st. Hate, Stupidity, Fear, even more. Even when getting pet emails too. There’s no room for more paperwork or new dog treats. Braxton’s are running out. Some new collar, leash, bedding. Hell B III’s room remains B III’s room. Braxton’s home exists. I don’t want to go back to mowing the lawn, so there’s a play area. Um, I do it for our kids, but they aren’t running the length of the fence barking at any neighbors. Uh, how do I know? Me leaving my Study would be something new. I left my Olds a new man, a father. I walked from the altar with you. Somethings.

Someone, my Little B, isn’t replaceable. You Baby Doll, our family, I’m hoping myself In Your Eyes. I can’t imagine another woman walking towards me to be my wife ever. Humans are what we are. Yeah, I look for my phone how many times a day and to get a new one. I remember panicking when I thought I had lost my pendant with Braxton’s ashes. The same with taking off a wedding band. What kind of man does that? Somethings mean forever or darling the feelings behind them. Love You and Me always and forever. Happiness and grief; before Braxton died, I would say the heart gets bigger. Without him, it’s like love’s bleeding out. I need more or healing. Something New, Something B

247 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Log 302 ~Willing DJ Or Band~

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I haven’t heard a fat lady sing, so this life isn’t over yet… I don’t think so, but to be fair, I haven’t been listening to music lately. Don’t have to block people at work and need to be on guard at Walmart. “Willing DJ Or Band,” my future

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

Log 302 ~Willing DJ Or Band~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I burned through my songwriting long ago. Also, I owe my Granddad a hundred bucks, but he said, and I quote, “I don’t know you.” The feeling is mutual, so one less person invited to our wedding. Last week I spoke some about parties and what is a wedding but a celebration of love? As always, I remain a traditionalist so short of a church I want everything a wedding entails. Yeah I’m short groomsmen, My Dæmon is my Best Man, I got my Mom and my sister. Yet here I’m wondering DJ or Band.

The isolation isn’t getting to me but more the lack of music. I’m always listening to something, or so I thought. With no people to block out and nowhere to go well, those voices are fading away. If I want to be sad, here’s a song God Help The Outcasts. Okay, is this going to be a list of my favorite songs? Considering I want to spend my life with you, that will take forever. Still, while I’m on the subject of weddings. I told you about how I still regret not dancing with Indiana Gone at her wedding. Somehow though, I imagine dancing with you on the road to “Drunk On You.” If you asked me to pick our wedding song, though? I’m like a mixture of Howard and Yuri Orlov when it comes to manipulating events. So um, do you want to watch Containment (Katie and Jake) “This Love” or YouTube (Katie and Jake) “If I Lose Myself.”

Okay, back to writing before I start crying; real love songs make me cry Baby Girl heh. I wrote a year’s worth of poetry and added Ellie Goulding’s song “Love Me Like You Do.” Writing is my first love, my firstborn, my second, and you Baby Doll. “You’re My Latest, My Greatest Inspiration.” What about my novel, though, The Eve of a Cherry? Moondust (Stripped) by Jaymes Young, this song is so us when I’m writing. With all those, I love this in one-line, “I’ve buried my love to give the world to you.” The song that explains me and my writing the most though comes from Tupac’s Ghetto Gospel:

“If I upset you don’t stress, never forget
That God isn’t finished with me yet
I feel his hand on my brain
When I write rhymes I go blind and let the Lord do his thang” ― Ghetto Gospel, Tupac

Yeah, I’m weird to take a road trip with, right? So what about the question… lightsaber duel, poetry reading but music, Willing DJ Or Band.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 111 ~Will In The 1500s~

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I’m living in another time as another man, and don’t ask me about 1500 unless you’re talking about the miles traveled in two days of my life, but where does one even find the time. “Will In The 1500s,” and more

Sunday, October 20, 2019

Log 111 ~Will In The 1500s~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but would that be enough to fix you? Will, there are so many things I want to say right now. I understand, though, you are exhausted after your journey. Now before you go bawling your eyes out as per usual, I want you to know something. I’m proud of you. I want you to see all that you have accomplished before you let something like SOL get you down. From Thursday to right here and now, who would have thought you were capable? Fuck your feelings (LANGUAGE); let’s deal with facts, don’t we always.

You traveled over 1500 miles total, here to Rockford. Will you crossed paths with people from all walks of life. In a strange city, with only one friend, “The Bride” you went about, well not living. Do you see how quickly negatively enters? Anyway, you went to a wedding. Instead of being embarrassed and yes there was a bit of that, you regret not dancing. You finally hooked up that dashboard, smartphone holder for the trip back. How many of your fears did you look square in the eye and say, “Bring It On.” You found the strength you never knew you had, and you pushed forward. Not to say that the trip wasn’t without losses, but even now, you’re making a plan. Tomorrow you’ll bring your Firstborn back to the house. Alas, there’s always this Will Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Firstborn Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Going To Survive The Week
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”
    Failed

Number Five, the most significant accomplishment, you’re not dead. Okay, let’s bring on the misery. Everything you brought for two days, and you’re upset with losing a damn shirt. It was your favorite NaNoWriMo T-Shirt, but still. Hell, how many traffic laws did you break on all those highways? You wouldn’t get up on time, and searching for a loss shirt made you later than getting to Rockford. The house doesn’t look ransacked, but you would know everything about hiding things. Even now, we’re still talking, and what time is it now? I could go on forever and a day about things you did wrong, or more like think you did. It’s all in the past. Don’t worry; I won’t ask you to look up the 1500s. You’re no longer a history buff except when oh yeah Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Firstborn Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Reducing My Inbox To Zero
  6. I AM Finishing “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”

Again I’m so proud, but you’re still worried about 1500 problems that could happen. There’s Past, Present, and Future but ending, Will In The 1500s.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 104 ~What Paper WILL Do~

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Every day I ask myself what I want to write tomorrow; I suppose that’s why my blog is no good, too busy living in the past, and the future, but hell, I was up at six, and only my furry kid is next to me. “What Paper Will Do?”

Sunday, October 13, 2019

Log 104 ~What Paper WILL Do~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’m never going back again. Neither are you, being that boy who thought $200.00 was enough. Hell for $300.00, you wanted a little ass and nice tits. Will that was only eight years ago, and you know what you’ve feared ever since. Just takes two little words, “you’re fired.” One more reason you’re a writer, you’ve seen what the right paper can do with the wrong words. The right paper, the right time, but the wrongest words possible. Is Negan a suitable role model these days?

Anyway, after those school days were done, why should you fear any writing? Let’s start with how you ended last night, the Governor, aka Fandom Spotlite correcting me about Fair Use. If anything, I’m ashamed I sounded like Trump both not knowing or straight-up lying. Now I brought up school, and grades didn’t lie. Yes, you know you can’t live in the past, but that’s the thing. I go walking into a store, and still, people look at me “strange,” and then they have to speak. STUPID is still a dirty word and FAILURE is worst than Fuck (LANGUAGE). Of course, we have this list of six impossible things that you look at every single week. It never goes away, and even now, you wonder what you’re going to do now. Well, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Firstborn Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Preparing For Indiana Gone’s Wedding
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”
    Failed

Number five for the win and the bare minimum. It’s no secret even now you’re a scrooge and still so hoity-toity. Grandma might have had a point about your pride. Make no mistake; you deserve five-stars. Nevertheless, you’re willing to settle for three, Courtyard By Marriott. Now you’ll go for two as green paper trumps reviews. Again you could be wrong because your comfort is one thing but spare no expense for your Firstborn. Why not bring him along than leaving him with strangers? The place could have five stars and still wouldn’t be good enough for him. On the other side, you have never succeeded in being the father he deserves. Every piece of paper has called you a failure or the person writing is a liar. Only you are with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Firstborn Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Going To Survive The Week
  6. I AM Finishing “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”

I know what I want from you. Will, you know what you want from yourself. It’s never a secret, it’s here and black and white. You understand the power above everything What Paper Will Do.

I Will Have No Fear