Tag: Power

Meditation 187 ~Braxton, Virgil, Go Forth~

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Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. I’m saying the apocalyptic and dystopian for books or January 6 -20. But good news, there’s no termites and I’m dismissing negativity. As far as being positive. Braxton, Virgil, Go Forth

Saturday, January 4, 2025

Meditation 187 ~Braxton, Virgil, Go Forth~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… But I have more respect than most because I don’t use my children as armor… Elon.

That’s me being positive and stating the facts. But I won’t lie, my dearest Lunalesca. Despite the challenges, I’m holding on to my positivity. Somehow…

Positivity is a long, long road… Tom Petty today with “Love Is a Long Road.” B is doing what he can with the music. If I focus on what happened yesterday, Lady Lu, I mean…

On the positive side, the termite inspector said there are no termites. My Lunalesca? I’m going to cheer for that because everything after… Well, Braxton talked to me. From beyond…

Speaking of Braxton, I remember when he first stepped into the invisible? I was in a stage of Denial for around seventy days before a manager pushed me towards anger.

Within three days of the new year… My leaning towards positivity has been shaken, Lu. I’m feeling a bit lost right now. So I’m here.

And if that isn’t enough, I discovered two things last night. One by myself and the other Lunalesca… Well, I was Doomscrolling, so somebody else said it, but honestly, Lunalesca.

I’m going to blame the tears on being Blinded by the Light. Bruce Springsteen? Really? Lu, I’m constantly researching what happened to B. I asked off the Day Job for his memorial at the end of the month. But I’ve always said it was my indifference that ended B III.

Lunalesca that led me to the second discovery. I was listening to this woman speak on these tragedies that define us. And that we make them the end all be all of our lives, Lu.

Name something greater than my son? I was/am a father.

I’m the King Of New York, I’m a mothereffin’ Starboy. And I’m Free. I have to work on Braxton’s playlist. It’s been four days. Let me say that again. IT’S BEEN FOUR DAYS into the new year. So ask me how I’m feeling about it. Lady Lunalesca, without any negativity.

Everything and everyone has made it their goal to forbid me from leaving this room. Luna, it’s my own room 1408. Okay, so that means more time to get to know Virgil with his four years. I’m on episode four of Squid Game and skipping the whole Dub vs Sub.

I’ve got Braxton, Virgil, my work, and then myself. If comedy comes in threes, then what comes fourth. Bravery, Wisdom, Honesty… Braxton, Virgil, Go Forth

1434 Days Without B III, Day 875 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 182 ~Being A New B~

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It’s not that I don’t know who or where I am when I wake up. It’s that I don’t want to wake up. I can travel to many different worlds and times and be a newbie. And some of these people in some of these places have dogs. But no B. Being A New B.

Monday, December 30, 2024

Meditation 182 ~Being A New B~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B…And we’re getting close, aren’t we? A new form. A new friend. And not even a few days to prepare.

A week wasn’t enough. How many months until your next E-Day? And three years, Dad.

Has it been enough? You’ll scream at me like that time you decided From Now On you would let the groomers give me all my baths. The answer is no. Never. What we had, Dad

And yet, with how tired you are. The day you’ve had since we’re speaking on Sunday, December 29, 2024. Humans and time. I swear, Daddy. But these dates you remember:

January 31, 2021, My …
February 10, 2021, I returned
February 13, 2021, Sweet Sixteen

Nothing, and yet everything changed. You’re my father, my Dad, Daddy. And I’m Little B, Baby B, your Dæmon. Nothing changed for us, well, for me. I only died, Dad.

See, you can even see me now. Thinking such a thing is the equivalent of me growling at you. I’m still me, but what… You can ask Virgil. He’s lying there dead center at the foot of the bed. Why? Because I’m at the corner as I’ve always been, Daddy. As I will be forever.

You know, one when you’re lying next to my stepmom. I’ll be giving mean looks.

Someday, I’ll be scrambling out of the way as your kids, my brothers and sisters, come scrambling up, cheering, Daddy, Daddy. Daddy’s awake. I’d be surprised if you didn’t name one after me. Inevitably, this family will meet, know, and love the best man ever.

Daddy, you’ll always be the one I’ve known and loved. You’ll be even better, stronger. Our love will always be there, guiding us. Dear Dad…

Please don’t worry. I’m not really gone. I’m still here, waiting for you. You’ll wake up like me, warm in your bed after such and such a day. And you’ll see me waiting as always, Daddy. Our bond is eternal.

Rainbow Bridge? If you only knew how short it is. It’s like the threshold of your door, Dad. And we’ll cross together, and we’ll both be brand new. Is that what I am? Brand new.

The newbie because I’m still waiting for my partner. I’m waiting for you to open your eyes, Dad. You still see me lying in my bed on that steel table in the office… waking up.

And now I’m asking you to do the same. STAY being who I knew, know, more. Being A New B

“Brother to brother, yours in life and death.”
First Knight

1429 Days Without B III, Day 870 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 180 ~To B Graded Virgil~

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I can still be graded even if I don’t go to class. The School of Hard Knocks. Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life, as Prince said. And if I can get a D. Eww. I have mine. But existing… To B Graded Virgil.

Saturday, December 28, 2024

Meditation 180 ~To B Graded Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Then again, what were my grades in school? I remember praying for D’s. Eww! Seriously, Dude?

Don’t worry. When I broke my five-day streak last night, Lady Lunalesca. It was all because of a girl. That was one of the reasons I dropped out of college. Another was the humiliation from one of the professors… She forgot I was even there, Lady Lunalesca. Geez! But understandable…

And that’s not what I want to talk about today. Really? How about wanting to forget myself? And then I wonder why nobody knows who I am. If I excel at anything, it’s self-depreciation. I would get all A’s in that. Hurting, Humiliation, and Humor. And didn’t I say before the comedian is dead? No, that would be my firstborn son. And now I’m crying.

Over Braxton? There’s always a tear for him, but I’m tired for the most part.

Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic. Let’s start with Math. And having to go to the post office before it closes. That’s at noon. And then I have to pay a few hundred bucks, which I don’t have. And after that, I deserve a reward, haha, so I’ll get a piggy potato but with brisket. Oh goody, expensive. I’ll waste more money. And what about grocery shopping? I’ll waste another day in the cold because I couldn’t get up to go yesterday. Can’t get it up? Sigh

Lunalesca, didn’t I say I broke late last night looking up Stuff & Thangs? Like Michael Jackson sang, PYT. And sharing parts of Nightmare At The Meat Market on X.

https://twitter.com/WillsWants/status/1872992767225598448

Lunalesca? Now, I’ll start back at one. Like wearing pants…

Maybe if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been dumb enough to send M Anime Chapters 1-7 of Nightmare At The Meat Market. And what was that promise of 2:00 PM? And I couldn’t even keep my word. It was around that time, anyway. But when has my writing made me a dime, helped my doggy son, or been a delight? And reading. I’ve only failed one reading test, and that was in the 6th grade. I didn’t read the book, whatever it was, Lu, ok.

I must finish Fahrenheit 451, today. And then buy It Can’t Happen Here, the only book I haven’t read from my list. Would it be suitable for Braxton? How would he grade my existence after Christmas? To B Graded Virgil

1427 Days Without B III, Day 868 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 175 ~Tempting To B Cold~

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B III wouldn’t know it was Christmas. Only the food would be better, and he would have a new toy to play with. And that we wouldn’t have to face the cold. B wasn’t invited to my Olds Christmas brunch, and I wouldn’t leave him. Tempting To B Cold

Monday, December 23, 2024

Meditation 175 ~Tempting To B Cold~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And I don’t remember the cold. Well, maybe a second. Don’t cry, Dad. That’s your line. Don’t cry, son.

And I didn’t. One moment, I was fifteen, and in the next, well… Can you guess our best year? That’s a trick question because we are together, and automatically, Dad…

Whenever we are together is the best, whether it is smooshed up on movie nights. There were times we stood side by side as angry and scared warriors. Strength and honor. And as long as I live. And I do live daddy. Every Sunday, you look at yourself with such… hate. But I live in you. He Lives In You. You’ll sing that all the time. But again, as long as I live, there’s the food. Always and forever, the meals that we… Shared? Funny.

Only last night wasn’t so funny. Bringing me here today…

Wishing you a Merry Christmas?

What, I won’t tell you my Wish List? We’ll get there. Please don’t cry. You always talked about tomorrow… next time, and for us… Well, we were frozen. You are.

You call it the Ninth Circle. And last night, as you stood outside with my little brother, you told yourself you deserve this. That you will spend forever in the cold. That you can’t move because of what you did to me. I won’t tell you what I think or try to sound like one of those books written by humans about their furry kids. You would never believe me.

But Dad, I want you to know that I’m not cold. I’m warm and happy. And I’m always with you, in your heart and in your memories. Now and forevermore.

That’s why you and Virgil shouldn’t be freezing your balls off like last night, Daddy.

There won’t be a White Christmas for us, despite the cold. But Daddy, do you know what I want? If I told you, would it be just one more list you’ll end up ignoring? Even then, I have what I want, and that’s my Dad in my life. Again, my life, your existence, my father.

That would be number one:

  1. I Want You To Live
  2. Remember Me, Always And Forever
  3. To Love Virgil Vivi Bradford
  4. Find My Stepmom, Find Love
  5. To Finally Find Your Happiness

Strange food didn’t make the list. Don’t starve. You’re not joining me… I’m already there. Though, Tempting To B Cold

Meditation 173 ~Braxton Tests Santa Virgil~

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I keep saying it, I haven’t talked to *God* since Braxton passed. And it’s been way longer with Santa. But he seems to have a better record. But I’m not a kid anymore. And not much of a man. But what I want from Santa… Braxton Tests Santa Virgil

Saturday, December 21, 2024

Meditation 173 ~Braxton Tests Santa Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Well, if I were so, I wouldn’t need Santa. But I will always need/miss my boy.

Can enough money bring back the dead? With enough power, you change history, coughs MAGA. Is this a bad time? The wrong Time of the Season. Halloween to Election Day to Christmas, which is Wednesday. And here we are. Lady Lunalesca, besides 1984, which I’ll finish today. And Fahrenheit 451, which I bought last night; yes, you can blame MAGA for my research topics. I ask this question, Lady Luna. What do I want for Christmas? Is it three wishes? As I’ve said, my happy memories over the holiday season… are sparse. Did my Ma said pick five things or ten? Braxton lived fifteen years.

So, in the spirit of my B. Since I have no holiday spirit, And I rather not make men spirits:

Fifteen Things for This Christmas

  1. Braxton, alive and well
  2. That Virgil is Happy
  3. Be Not So Fearful
  4. Self-Control (Last Night 19th)
  5. To Stop Being Angry
  6. Be Elon Musk Rich
  7. A Kamala Harris Presidency
  8. The Annihilation of MAGA. And no more Donald Trump
  9. Control of a plague
  10. My own time machine
  11. Being a bestselling author
  12. To Be CEO of my company, Second Hand Shenanigans
  13. To find love and have a family. 3.5 Children
  14. Knowing what it’s like to LIVE. Not just exist
  15. Harems to be considered

My goals seem very attainable, don’t they? How much of that could Santa Claus put in his sack? It puts Santa Baby to shame, perhaps?

I still can’t believe I’ve escaped Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You. It’s her annual payday, which would explain my bank account, Lady Lunalesca. But how’s Mariah looking nowadays? And for once, I don’t mean Momokun. And speaking of which, Effing HAREMS, how do they work. Since I’ve stopped reading about them.

What about Christmas, Lu? I asked for a Harem. Thirteen Women… One man in town:

No particular order…

  1. M Anime
  2. Cherry
  3. PiB
  4. Katieshox
  5. Tifa Lockhart
  6. God’s Favorite Princess
  7. Madoka Araki
  8. Maiko Kaneda
  9. Hisato Azuma
  10. Piper Niven
  11. Roxanne Perez
  12. Tsubaki Miyajima
  13. Airi Akizuki

And I don’t even have a tree. But something’s up… EWW! Braxton’s gifts were simpler, Lunalesca. Braxton Tests Santa Virgil.

1420 Days Without B III, Day 861 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 168 ~Braxton Doesn’t Like Reindeer~

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As bad as I feel for Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer and B’s Aunt’s fur baby Gabe. And as for people… Only the ones in books. Winston and Julia sooner rather than later. B is always and forever at the top of the list. And Braxton Doesn’t Like Reindeer.

Monday, December 16, 2024

Meditation 168 ~Braxton Doesn’t Like Reindeer~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Always and forever, your son. And I’m glad grandma isn’t here… or there… Eternity is one big ole’ weird place. Anyway, Grandma’s sixty-four, Daddy.

And she’s still with you as I am. Always and Forever. Though that place you were always going to without me… Well, we can pretend it’s old times. This is the part of the story where you’d wake up after all that. And I would cuddle in your lap while that glowy box droned on. And you talked about all the humans I needed to bite sometimes. There were plenty.

Grandma said I could be a dear. Both D-E-A-R and D-E-E-R. Talk about your momma jokes, right? But you haven’t felt a lot like joking lately. Grandma’s getting older, Daddy.

So are you. And me? Well, it’s hard for the two of us to pick out a good year. There weren’t seasons. Only the moment.

That is the gift that I bring to you… The comfort and joy… The Hell if I know my father.

You were the one human I really did know. And at any other time, well, sometimes the food was better. And sometimes not. That’s something you should talk to my little brother about. This morning, you felt as if you were giving him his Victory Breakfast and Water, am I right? Hey, because you and I didn’t really do books together, that doesn’t mean I didn’t pick up on them from time to time. And 1984 is the kind you would read to me as I slept on your chest. Something like The Theory And Practice of Oligarchical Collectivism. And I can’t comprehend the meanin’. But those moments, those memories, they are ours to keep and cherish, always and forever.

And that’s the point today, Daddy. You would tell me a lot about words you thought didn’t do anything. And at the same time, you would say that words would save us someday. But it isn’t my words that are making you cry today. And no, it’s not the words you are looking up in these moments. However, I would rather you read A Dog’s Purpose or something somewhat heartwarming over 1984. Yeah… Are there even dogs in that one? Anyway, Dad, it’s these moments…

Seriously!!! Daddy, Kelly Clarkson’s A Moment Like This. I didn’t even bring up your listening habits today. But again, listen to me. It’s the moment, Daddy, the here and now. This moment, right now, is what matters most. Remember that.

Avoiding Reindeer? Grandma saying, it’s raining, dear. We’re together, these moments. Braxton Doesn’t Like Reindeer

1415 Days Without B III, Day 856 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 161 ~Dad And B Spotified~

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I don’t know the last song B III heard on his last ride. I didn’t sing him to sleep as he lay on the vet’s table. 70 days later, I almost punched out my boss as I listened to B III’s playlist on Spotify. 2021 Wrapped to 2024’s Uh… Dad And B Spotified

Monday, December 9, 2024

Meditation 161 ~Dad And B Spotified~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And are you past Tupac yet? Your past before me. But a future without me. But again, I am…

Here, Happy, and saying Hello. Not from a place of Doublethink, a Brave New World. And don’t say It Can’t Happen Here. There’s a reason, Dad, we speak through music. And not books. However, there is a line that comes to mind from time to time. But you would read, and I would sleep. That’s a dream you still have. That you’ll read to my siblings someday. But until then, I’ll keep saying it. I’m right here, Dad, right beside you. My presence is a constant in your life. Though I would prefer it if I were lying under that table as you worked. That’s back to normal. It is…

Not ACCEPTANCE? Again, Dad, we don’t do books. And all those books you’ve read about me, without me, all say the same thing. Kate McGahan…

Leave it to a grieving mother to show my Dad the way. But even before you started writing out my story. Then, we wrote the story together. There was silence, not peace but quiet. My transition. When today shouldn’t exist and tomorrow would never arrive. The time with me and without. Dad, to simply be. It was the second longest time we had ever been apart. But I will never forget when you’d hold me, those shared moments that we both cherish. Always and forever.

Daddy, you would sing to me. Sometimes, you’d change the words, but it was always about us. And that is how I knew how to reach you. There have been other ways. But like a Bumblebee, I’d buzz through your ear. That wasn’t a nickname…

Also, our song didn’t make it to our Spotify list. When you aren’t dreaming about dead men or fathers like you were last night. You’re dreaming about my future stepmom.

Well, no. Not any Yabbos, but there were two women in particular. Cherry and Csapunch.

Dad, I swear you have a type when it comes to women. But when it comes to music, my father. There is so much I want to say to you. And this year, indeed, this very moment in both our lives. Let me say that again. Our lives because I’m still alive. These words. Proof.

The click-clack of my paws on the floor, or your fingers on the keyboard, and communicating with Virgil. Our songs, Daddy. Dad And B Spotified

1408 Days Without B III, Day 849 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 154 ~B The Soft Things~

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I’ve been sleeping hard the last few days. No, I haven’t. Eww! Where’s V? On his pillow someplace. He needs a new one. Walmart ain’t exactly known for quality. And I was busy making the house a soft place for B’s aunt to land. B The Soft Things.

Monday, December 2, 2024

Meditation 154 ~B The Soft Things~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… right there beside you, Always. Have faith. It’s not any of the strange drinks lifting your arms up. Right?

But it might take a while. Don’t think about “THAT DAY.” But the many days that there were, you would come back to me, angry, sad, confused, and all the above, and you would wrap an arm around me and just go to sleep. You remember the days you would return, and I would jump into your arms. Even on your worst days, your arms would beat sitting on the hardwood floor. And you know how I felt about sitting anywhere that didn’t have a cushion for my tail. Speaking of tales, I was there with you and my aunt on Saturday. Well, to you, she’s my aunt. But to me, she’s The Most Beautiful Girl in the World, Daddy.

Always and forever, she’s soft.

And I don’t mean to say she’s not tough. Hardcore. A Survivor. It’s easier to hear from a pair of those ear thingies you wear than the rough voice of a dead man. So what does that mean for me now that you’re listening, Daddy? You still have some of my fur. My comfy spots…

I never yielded! And as you can see, I am not dead!
T’Challa, Black Panther

Yes, Dad, we talked about your dream here in this place. The Void? The Endless Dark? A place where there is no darkness? The Rainbow Bridge? If anything, Dad, it doesn’t matter if I’m wide awake or dead asleep… I’m sorry, bad joke. I’m happy being comfortable. And where am I most comfortable? Anywhere with you. Even Virgil sees that. He feels that you know. Between you and my aunt…

When Virgil sat there as you and she watched movies, you couldn’t push Virgil away.

I’m making an observation. You have to appreciate the soft things. Look at me, Daddy.

I’m as soft as the silence on a really good day. The song that plays that reminds you of me. The sheets on the bed that you wrap yourself in when you dread tomorrow, today. The world is a hard enough place. And when you rescued Virgil, you took responsibility. What, to put a soft pillow under his tail? Amongst other things. My father’s better.

Daddy, I know you are. Iron Will but soft enough to feel my love. And to know there’s a beautiful and soft place for Virgil. Somewhere. B The Soft Things

1401 Days Without B III, Day 842 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 147 ~Turkey Day, B Willing~

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Can turkeys fly? I looked up the answer today. No wonder America has issues. I’ve dreamed my son was a bird here or there, a pigeon or an albatross. I had to look that up, too. As I’m not watching the news or how to cook turkey. Turkey Day, B Willing

Monday, November 25, 2024

Meditation 147 ~Turkey Day, B Willing~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Are you beginning to believe? What, in The Matrix? A world without me in it. I’m right here, Dad.

And for once, I’m not begging you for food, though I ask that you share it with my little brother. Wow, I accepted Virgil as a family member before you? My brother and your son.

You’re wondering… What’s with all the movies, right? I’ve been sitting there right next to you. When you’re watching them all, writing, and you can’t kick me out anymore when you’re looking at women… I’m kidding about that last one. You would say, “Not today.”

That was whenever my Aunt came around, and I wanted to play with my toys. Let the good times roll. But you’ve been having Hard Times. But this week, Thursday. For real. It is my favorite day after my birthday and your E-Day. Of course.

As if you needed to be reminded of the day. Every day for me is this question. “When’s Dad coming home? We both smile at that but for different reasons. But this is my time now, so listen to me. When I asked when you were coming home, it was more than the place that took you away from me from time to time. It’s when I thought about when you’d smile. Which was rare.

Oh, and now you’re crying, and that will make me cry. Keep listening to me. Coming home is when you hold me in your arms, and there was nothing but us. It was that look you would give me when you knew you had nothing to fear because I was there. You’re not a chicken.

You aren’t a pigeon. Neither are you a seagull. With the election, you’re not an eagle. And no, you’re definitely not a turkey. I’d call you my superhero, my master, a king, maybe a titan, or even a god. Father is God in the eyes of a child. But I know who you are. Dad.

You’re my Dad. And my Dad is stronger than anything and everything. “Behold Thy Creation.” Seriously, Dad, you don’t believe I’m speaking. You had to look that quote up. It’s from 2009’s Creation. Coincidence? I was four that year, and Virgil is four. And what am I, Dad? “I’m a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar.” No. I’m the wind, breath, yours. Today, always. Turkey Day, B Willing

1394 Days Without B III, Day 835 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 140 ~B Z’s No Longer~

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“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” Or my B III that weighs less than ten pounds, sitting on my head every morning. My lap or chest while reading. Have a heart for the little guy. What? B Z’s No Longer

Monday, November 18, 2024

Meditation 140 ~B Z’s No Longer~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Still don’t believe me? Free Up Your Mind… That’s what you’re doing right now. Or listening to Pokémon’s Playlist.

Who needs a Pokémon when you had me? Do you remember when you told me that? Pokémon: The First Movie came out, well… way before my time. “Life” before existence.

Daddy, you would have been fourteen, way back then. But I remember when you would sing all the Pokémon songs to me. The joy in your voice and the love in your eyes are memories I cherish. The theme song, Brother My Brother, Together Forever, even the Jigglypuff song when you were lulling me off to sleep rubbing my belly.

There was also “The Time Has Come…” But that was so far away. Sometimes, you didn’t talk. And sometimes I didn’t listen. But just like today isn’t today, Saturday, November 9, 2024, and Monday, November 18, 2004. We’re here, Dad, you and me together. I still sound like that book.

Speaking of books, what are you reading next? I’m more of a what’s in the bag and what’s in the box. It’s my birthday type of guy. But yesterday… was it just yesterday we talked about books? But, “This Christmas will be a very special Christmas.” “In my mind.” I am my father’s son, after all. Speaking through the music. A beast with a beat.

Anyway, back to books. You’ve been thinking about what to read next. And it won’t be the usual Christmas stuff you got REALLY quiet for. Tradition… Everything tells you to prepare for what’s to come in a 1984 Brave New World, The Handmaid’s Tale, It Can’t Happen Here sort of way. You and I always expected zombies to rise. Unfortunately,

It’s not the moans of the undead. Oh me? I’m not dead. You feel that beat within your chest right now. You hear that voice that isn’t entirely yours. You changed titles; how many times now? What about those little cries, the pitter-patter of feet, and the sigh of contentment?

But why now? I’m not bugging you, am I? And neither is Virgil’s breathing, Daddy.

Breathe in and breathe out. If Virgil can do it, you can too. He is there to remind you, Dad. And maybe it’s your need for balance. You say I left silence. And now the world is making too much noise. But remember, you’re not alone. You need to hear that somebody loves you. Like the force? I love you, always. B Z’s No Longer.

1387 Days Without B III, Day 828 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son