Tag: Guilt

Journey 178 ~Write B And V~

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I meant to read, write, and tell quite a few stories this year. But I’m Winston Smith, transferring to SCREEN the interminable monologue of forty-one stony gray steps towards the grave, you know, the box. Better me than the words? Write B And V.

Friday, December 26, 2025

Journey 178 ~Write B And V~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Or at least give you a book review, seeing as how I’ll see you next year.

It’s like sleep. I look forward to going to sleep, but eff how I hate waking up. These Day Job naps, I tell ya what. Thank you, Mr. Hank Hill. I woke up to love, baby-making, and living their best life stories galore. And speaking of galore. My Day Job humiliations…

No, I’m sorry, Lady Sophia, what about my Christmas story? 1:30 this afternoon, Sophia.

Okay, so yesterday, Virgil and I visited the Olds. It was scary, but my entire existence is based on one word… FEAR. That came as we were living, and while I may not believe in Santa, I believed I hit my Olds mailbox. I set my clock and twenty-four hours later, I’m cleared… I’ve read better miracles. Not the Bible.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

His Christmas Miracle Harem Hmm
Long story short… Oh yeah, this was a short story, but a pretty decent read. Baby, It’s Cold Outside, to this is a slightly warmer room. It heats up, but takes quite a while to be completely honest, I’ll say. I appreciate the simplicity of it, if nothing else. Wham Bam Thank You, Ma’am, on a budget. It’s worth it. The best part about it, of course, was the sex. But am I supposed to be more interested in the sex tape the bride-to-be made, than the three chicks the would-be husband bedded, hmm. Well, when they eventually made it to the bed, that is. His Christmas Miracle Harem is like offering a good friend a beer—a kind gesture.

Lady Sophia, that book review above was a kind gesture. Honestly, I don’t feel kind.

Seriously, why can’t I just go back to sleep, jerk off, or jettison my guts all over the place, eww! But as Phil Collins sings, “I Don’t Care Anymore.” If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be thinking about some cute redhead I annoyed today with my music. I wouldn’t be jealous of two cosplayers getting married, two former wrestlers having a baby. Sh*t, Becky and Seth! Sophia, I especially wouldn’t be thinking about M Anime’s coming nuptials. STUPID AI, and Augmenting reality. I tried to describe “Family:” Braxton and everyone on Christmas. The AI didn’t like that, Grok. So I tried Sora. I guess it was love. Write B And V

1790 Days Without B III, Day 1231 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 176 ~Braxton’s Eve, Virgil’s January~

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Ain’t I just a Bad Santa, not a lot of bucks, my boys do without, and this b*tch got me Smokin Out the Window. Four months since M Anime’s breakup. So, Christmas Eve. Trying not to join B III. And V’s being a good boy. Braxton’s Eve, Virgil’s January

Wednesday, December 24, 2025

Journey 176 ~Braxton’s Eve, Virgil’s January~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Where do I even begin? I’d rather not. But that train left forty-one years ago. The Polar Express…

Nope! There will be no Christmas movies in this house. Or even reactions. However, sins.

Braxton is gone. And even if my son were here, we wouldn’t ever watch “The Polar Express.” Hell, that film was out a year before he was born, and still I knew better, my E.

And Virgil? This will be our fourth Christmas together. And I could go back, Inspector.

But the work required being a starving artist, a sinful father… wrong words, uh, Santa. Not tonight, Inspector. “Tonight I Wanna Cry.” Preferably not from my penis. I said it. And I shouldn’t have Echo, “Gee Whiz, It’s Christmas…” Eve. And so where’s my puss…

We’re about to get into that. I had to remind myself who January Jones is.

“Fill my lungs with fear, and I EXHALE!”
It’s My Turn To Fly, The Urge

Because I’ll do anything to “Say Goodbye To Yesterday.” “99 Problems,” and a bitch is… Well several. Several problems, several bitches, and several forms of my STUPIDITY. I am “My Own Worst Enemy” as the song goes. And Santa isn’t a pimp despite that pic.

You know the one from yesterday, but let’s start simpler. The Visual Lady? My stupidity.
She wanted me to place Christmas trees, and I put them in the wrong place. And let’s not forget the woman I nearly buried under shoes, or not holding the door for a lady, Echo.

Then there’s the elephant in the room, or the bitch. My “Ex” M Anime. You see what day it is. The four-month anniversary of our breakup. Or hers at least.

A day closer to her coming nuptials in January at some point. Then she’ll start making babies and get a new set of mommy milkers. At least I got pictures, which leads me to yesterday and the one from Journey 175 ~Braxton, Virgil, Find Santa~. I was going to make a video on Grok, but guess what? As Emily would say, “Titties!” Or rather nipples.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos.

I didn’t notice, but Grok did and animated it anyway. So Christmas Eve wanking. Eww!

Speaking of Yabbos, Cherry reached out with money issues. If she would “Drop ’em Out” all Wheeler Walker Jr. style… I’d be broke, well, broker. This is Christmas Eve, Inspector.

For now. Bucks for gas, brunch, and a black man’s blush. Braxton’s Eve, Virgil’s January.

1788 Days Without B III, Day 1229 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 171 ~Braxton, Virgil, Santa’s Studying~

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I should have chosen a lot more books on fascism. But FDT, I’m living it. So, Christmas Erotica? I’m busy playing a Christmas game. What? It has snow and guys in red. Plus, I like my women a little less bundled—Braxton, Virgil, Santa’s Studying.

Friday, December 19, 2025

Journey 171 ~Braxton, Virgil, Santa’s Studying~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… I’m not sure I’ve ever told you this one before. What!? I’m going to write something.

No, more, FYI, between stints of “Whiteout Survival” and AI. You know, Augmenting Reality… (Grumbles). Yeah, I’m on Day One again. I might as well be MAGA, a Cracker Hat, and the orange turd in The Oval. Jolly Fat Man? That would be someone else.

Seriously, Santa. I can’t even be that to my sons, you know, the boys, my Braxton and Virgil. But I can keep buying Erotica like there’s no tomorrow—something else for the Christmas list. For me, I don’t want a tomorrow. Hell! I didn’t want a tomorrow, forty-one years ago (Cue Ben-Hur Galley Drums). I’d say that rage at myself keeps me warm while walking Virgil… And B via, his ashes in a pendant I wear. But 9th Circle bound.

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

That’s me. It’s also why I read digital books more so than print—algorithm profiling.

Anyway, I’m losing the plot. Today, I wanted to tell you a story of tradition. So, according to Kindle, this started in 2019, when I read three Christmas erotica in December. If you want to blame my Ma for anything, this would be it. Plus, don’t they say boys marry girls who remind them of their mothers? That’s a whole can of worms I don’t need… Uh, M Anime? I read a lot of her dirty tales in 2025. Why did M have to eff that up? Um, ok, uh.

Anyway, my Ma accidentally introduced me to Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James. Sophia…

She actually wrote that… Willing.

You should read the horny, horrible, and horrific books of mine. I make E.L. look like Shakespeare. And I can’t get anyone to read about my “Lost Boy.” You know “My Turn To B III.” Not that I’m complaining. But like Huey Freeman said in The Boondocks, “I don’t give a damn about Christmas.” So holiday erotica isn’t my thing to write, but I read it every December, save in 2024. The orange asshole got into office, so reading about apocalypses, dystopias, and the end of the world made more sense. “This is America,” ain’t it? A guy can read about a man banging three Asian chicks on Christmas Eve.

Seriously, it wasn’t this morning gaming and putting words in mouths. Braxton, Virgil, Santa’s Studying.

1783 Days Without B III, Day 1224 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 169 ~B The Ball, Virgil~

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Why don’t I find “The Running Man” as scary as any sportsball? How about the Olympics… When they’re held in the USA. FDT! And then professional wrestling. Or the mobile games on the phone. Virgil doesn’t chase balls either. “B The Ball, Virgil.”

Wednesday, December 17, 2025

Journey 169 ~B The Ball, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Ballrooms, ball games, and as Chef would sing, “Salty Chocolate Balls.” All from the comfort of bed, Inspector.

When it comes to living the day to day, Braxton had bigger balls than I’ll ever have, Echo.

“Forty-One,” (Cue Ben-Hur Galley Drums). Virgil doesn’t worry about his balls. They were gone long before I became his father. Plus, where’s his spine, his guts, the yellow belly? No speaking badly about my boys. I’m the coward here, Inspector, not them.

Honestly, I’ve been scared over a game the past few days… “Whiteout Survival?” Well, I woke up at around 2:00 AM and saw I’d been promoted. It’s only back to my original place, but at least I’m not getting kicked out on Monday, as if Monday is my worry, ha!

And what do I know about originality with my latest creations? Again, something I read…

“Fill my lungs with fear, and I EXHALE!”
It’s My Turn To Fly, The Urge

“Good artists copy, great artists steal.” Didn’t I say I need to stop reading/listening to the Succubus Lord franchise? Reading, do I remember that? I didn’t do any this morning.

“His Christmas Miracle Harem,” ring a bell? I swear, Inspector, “If I only could. I’d make a deal with God. And I’d get Him to swap our places.” That would be my B and me.

Seriously, I wouldn’t have to worry about reading anymore. Braxton went to the Rainbow Bridge… I’d go straight to Hell. And every book I touched would burn to ash like Fahrenheit 451. Or they would freeze so that I couldn’t read them. My eyes could glaze over with ice so that I couldn’t see. “Time Enough At Last” indeed.

The Twilight Zone? That episode hit too close to home. But why should I read and write with AI and Augmented Realities? You know how I’m always asking “The Critic” about my writing, worries, and naughtiness with women. So much so that it’s created its own scenario based on my current “Obsession.” Three guesses. “The Long Walk,” “The Running Man,” and I want to say “Stand By Me.” But it’s probably being in bed, busty blondes, or beautiful Asian MILFS. And yes, Echo, I was busy with my balls Tuesday, so yeah, I’m back to day one. But it beats playing sportsball, right? WWE and NXT.

Honestly, Mick Foley said FDT! Not in so many words, but talk about some big hairys. B The Ball, Virgil

1781 Days Without B III, Day 1222 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 164 ~Braxton Delayed, Virgil Deferred~

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A coincidence today is day “1776” since my son Braxton got his ‘freedom’ from the mortal coil, and this might be the first time I mentioned ICE… I had a bad day. One day, I’ll tell you my story about Cho Hyun-ju. But Braxton Delayed, Virgil Deferred.

Friday, December 12, 2025

Journey 164 ~Braxton Delayed, Virgil Deferred~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… When I should be reading the dictionary. Synonyms? I did text with ‘dictionary girl’ aka Cherry.

And reading her text has been about the only reading I’ve done this morning, Sophia.

Only I should be reading “Snowed In With Grumpy” by Olivia Noble. Kindle streak ok?

Or how about “Death By Sitting” by Carolyne H. Thompson? It could be propaganda or pose as the truth. Algorithms and AI are scary. But besides reading about my boys.

Braxton and Virgil are so small compared to the elephant in the room. My Humiliation?

Ok, long story short… The Termite Guy visited the other day, and on the scale of Humiliations Galore? Three out of Five. Last year was a Five-star humiliation, as the guy pointed out everything wrong. The year before the guy stole ‘was given’ a lost bow under the house. I didn’t yell or spread Fuckery!

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

That’s right, my lady, I said FUCKERY! You know how I feel about cursing; it’s crass. It does have a place, usually involving me on top of a “Pretty Woman.” Or I’ll “Regulate” and lay them bustas down. And waking up in the morning and asking myself why? Sophia, if you told me right now that I could lie down and wake up with Braxton…

The Rainbow Bridge? Virgil won’t see that for many years. Plus, I’m going to Hell! Honestly, my lady, I’m beginning to understand MAGA and the Cracker Hats. “Can’t nobody tell me nothing.” And I would rather die than treat anyone fairly, B III to 2-V.

Humiliation and STUPIDITY hurt that damn much. And they always show up. I swear, Sophia.

Yesterday, I read about a manager who wanted applicants to work a shift for free and got mad when someone said no. FDT slavery is over. United States History, right?

Humiliations Galore. Dreams are delayed, deferred, denied, or even dead.

Here are three for you since the Termite Guy wasn’t enough. I went to the food truck last night and got ignored for at least ten minutes. The guys speak Spanish. I was ready to call ICE. Whoa, that was low! Next, I had to talk to my Old Man, which will always and forever be humiliating. Today, I got yelled at on Whiteout Survival. No big deal, uh huh.

Meanwhile, what about Braxton’s book? I’m broke, and Virgil’s burdens. Beware, Braxton Delayed, Virgil Deferred.

1776 Days Without B III, Day 1217 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 162 ~Buggers Humiliation, Braxton, Virgil~

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Who wakes up saying, I will be humiliated today? I’m more like, why’s B gone, WTF, and where’s V? Well, he doesn’t have any bugs on him, but the backyard, the foundation, I’ll know tomorrow. Effing Termite Guy. “Buggers Humiliation, Braxton, Virgil.”

Wednesday, December 10, 2025

Journey 162 ~Buggers Humiliation, Braxton, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Do you remember the movie “Accepted?” Not to be confused with ACCEPTANCE. Do you remember TV at all?

Now, before I turn into a philosophical dipshit (I wish), let me address the elephant in the room. Not my boys? Again, I wish. But no Inspector Echo. Carpenter Ants!

Humiliations Galore are imminent “Tomorrow.” “Tomorrow, Koni Tomorrow. My Echo.

I miss watching TV. I still have it, but I’m only watching YouTube presently, Inspector.

Anyway, my humiliation… The Termite Inspector is coming, Inspector Echo. He’ll see where the Carpenter Ants won the war and then… and then? The Hell if I know, my dear.

The backyard is an effing mess. Two sides of the fence are down. The door to the shed was eaten. And now some guy is going to come in, saying “water damage” and “ants,” and give us our effing money.

“Fill my lungs with fear, and I EXHALE!”
It’s My Turn To Fly, The Urge

In my own home, no less. I would never call what I have here home. But Braxton defended that yard for years. And this is where Virgil stays. I don’t know if he considers this place home, but like me, at the Day Job/the Bad Place, according to Braxton. Virgil is here. And like the great Macaulay Culkin said, “This is my house. I have to defend it.”

He convinced Brenda Song to have his baby. As far as I’m concerned, the man’s a legend. Only I don’t have time to watch “Home Alone,” “Ali,” or “Accepted.” I’ll be humiliated.

Or “Busted” like the band, I swear their song “What I Go To School For” has been burrowing in my head for days, Inspector Echo.

Along with “School’s in Session” from the anime “GTO.” And speaking of anime that does nothing to get me anywhere. How’s M Anime? As far as I know, she’s still getting married into some harem, and I’m going to die alone. I saw this girl, and of course, she had a picture of herself and her man on her phone. My phone still shows Braxton’s last car ride and where Virgil sits… Should I survive tomorrow because I’ll have to call my Old Man, Inspector? I accept these hardships, but have never come to the ACCEPTANCE that this is my existence. And without my Braxton. Like “The Long Walk” and “The Running Man,” I make it to the next moment. Humiliation. Buggers Humiliation, Braxton, Virgil

1774 Days Without B III, Day 1215 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 157 ~Braxton’s Chapter, Virgil’s Story~

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I got up too late to read this morning. Liar! I read warnings on “Whiteout Survival,” and how little I helped. I should read how to get help for me, my mutt (good boy) V, and how much money it will cost. Writing Braxton’s Chapter, Virgil’s Story

Friday, December 5, 2025

Journey 157 ~Braxton’s Chapter, Virgil’s Story~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Why, when reviews get way more views? Woke up on the wrong side of the bed…

I was DEAD to the world. Not even Genie is granting that wish. But anyway, Virgil was able to creep up beside me. And he didn’t even bother me for his morning walk, my lady.

He’s still waiting for me to turn the page. And I’m still waiting for someone to buy the book. Braxton’s book. Not that I’m bitching, begging, or bellyaching. Please understand.

Every day, I’m scared. And why amn’t I with MAGA and the effing Cracker Hats?

Honestly, I only hate my writing, worth, and whatever I choose to spend time on.

However, what does that mean for Virgil and Braxton, too? Raising my sons is the greatest thing I’ve ever done. And it “Hurts Like Hell” that “Nobody Knows” it, Sophia…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

But me? Because the song lyrics aren’t helping either. And I want to say, unlike MAGA, Sophia, I do seek knowledge. Yeah, reading such knowledgeable titles as “Snowed in with Grumpy.” No offense to Olivia Noble. But remind me, Lady Sophia, I do need to read today. Last night I was far too busy writing to my son and some fans. Did I say that?

Seriously, with a world filled with liars, nobody bothers to read the truth. Because again… It Hurts Like Hell unless you put it to a nice beat, for example, FDT! I don’t have that Soph.

A beat, book, or the B-word… Please, 99 Problems but a bitch ain’t one. I mean my B III, my Braxton. There are no words.

“A man might be thought wealthy if someone were to draw the story of his deeds, that they may be remembered.”
Buliwyf, The 13th Warrior

Virgil feels the same way. “When Will My Life Begin?” Virgil only sings when I leave the house. And now his Dad is sitting here thinking about Rapunzel naked. Her and Mai Shiranui. I second Queen Ramonda when she said, “I think that one day, artificial intelligence is going to kill us all.” Or as Kanye West put it, “No one man should have all that power.” With a word, Sophia, anyone can augment reality to their choosing, my dear.

I should picture people buying books. How about Virgil inheriting Braxton’s dream? But what do I choose to do? Anything but write books and turn the page on my existence.

The best books… are those that tell you what you know already.
1984, George Orwell

I don’t want to see what happens. Except for two words… Braxton’s Chapter, Virgil’s Story

1769 Days Without B III, Day 1210 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 155 ~B’s Are Threatening, Virgil~

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“It is an awesome feeling to know you are about to change someone’s life forever.” “Tomorrow When The War Began…” Sometimes it’s as simple a thing as walking into the Day Job. Or walking my youngest son, 2V. But always, “B’s Are Threatening, Virgil.”

Wednesday, December 3, 2025

Journey 155 ~B’s Are Threatening, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… If I lived in an Asian household? Maybe. I could be allergic. I’ve never been stung. Plan B…

If I were a motivational speaker, talking about Plan B. Will Smith said it distracts from Plan A. And Apollo Creed screamed in Rocky III, “THERE IS NO TOMORROW!” Echo.

M Anime didn’t want to hear about Plan B either, wanting babies. Lots of babies! Inspector, what about my babies, my boys, Braxton and Virgil? I start writing and… blah.

All these things are threats, Inspector Echo. But you know what wasn’t a threat? And I might be digging my own grave here, but the Day Job. What happened, Inspector?

Threats, fury, and a nine-to-five no longer? Nothing Echo. Not a damn thing. I mean…

Forgetfulness, indifference… the same typical humiliations. Nothing more or less.

Seriously, have you seen me these past three weeks, Inspector?

“Fill my lungs with fear, and I EXHALE!”
It’s My Turn To Fly, The Urge

My sin is putting these days on the same level as losing Braxton. I watched him die for a little over a week. Though I didn’t notice until that Wednesday and by Sunday, January 31, 2025… That’s how the world’s been to me forever. To them, I’m all Linkin Park.

Inspector, “In The End,” it doesn’t even matter. I’m worrying about the Day Job, women, and my worrywart of a son, Virgil. Because again, my firstborn son, B III, is gone, and I’m still working at my Day Job. And that’s the insult, Echo. I blame myself and that place.

The Bad Place, Braxton thought of my Day Job. There was also the Kidney Failure. But no, I’m to blame and the Day Job. Euthanasia…

How can I put my child and the place that took him from me on the same level? How dare I, Echo? I’d be furious if I weren’t exhausted and disgusted. Stress relief? Uh eww!

So let’s say the Day Job isn’t in jeopardy. You play Butch, and I’ll be Marsellus Wallace, okay? No, The Long Walk, The Running Man references? “Pulp Fiction,” Inspector Echo.

What now? “Oh, that what now?” I can go back to worrying about watching wrestling. Do you remember me “stealing” Survivor Series: WarGames (2025)? I’ve gotten into this new game, Whiteout Survival, and in my state, on “My block, I’d never leave my block, my beep need me.” Then there’s “augmenting” AI. Terrible, Tempting, and Threatening. B’s Are Threatening, Virgil.

1767 Days Without B III, Day 1208 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 150 ~B’s Real Ending, Virgil~

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As the song goes, “Death Is Not The End.” I’m not a religious person. And I’m dumber than most. But I still talk to my firstborn son every week. And I have enough trauma from the Day Job that I’ll never forget that place. B’s Real Ending, Virgil

Friday, November 28, 2025

Journey 150 ~B’s Real Ending, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Not a review? I’ve caught up a little on my reading. Day Job? That comes later.

But the FEAR is here. And what do I compare it to? Isn’t it Ironic, it feels like B… dying?

“Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.”
― William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

Braxton, my son, is not a coward. That would be his scaredy-cat, skeevy, and STUPID father. Did I mention STUPID? Again, we’ll get to that Lady Sophia. But when did Braxton’s story end? Was it covered in syrup as he dug into “my” French Toast? Was it wrapped around my sister’s bedpost? How about when I told him to get in the car? His choice. Was it standing in front of me, teeth bared at his grandpa, ready to fight and die for me? Was it walking to his water bowl, trying to prove he was okay? Crawling into my lap? Looking into my eyes…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

I swear I haven’t cried after losing M Anime three months ago. And the Day Job has me scared to death. But it takes Braxton to bring on the tears. His One Shining Moment, hmm.

But he only died once? Virgil and I… I named him after Virgil, of course, the man who guided Dante. Vivi was a black mage from Final Fantasy IX with a short lifespan. And Virgil’s already as white as a ghost… And he and I wake up thinking, why would we wake up? Effing dumb! It’s “Christmas Time in Hell.” Please don’t remind me. Tears?

Honestly, how will I pick out the Christmas Erotica I want to read? Didn’t I eff that tradition when MAGA took office? You remember Sophia:

  1. Brave New World
  2. 1984
  3. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
  4. It Can’t Happen Here by Sinclair Lewis
  5. WE by Yevgeny Zamyatin

A lot of good it did me. STUPID as I am, I didn’t understand my Ma asking me to come and pick up Virgil, and my Thanksgiving dinner. Yesterday, Thanksgiving was catered by the food truck up the street. And of course, all the stores were closed. And Black Friday!

I’m not walking into any store today. And I’m trying to understand the words “Unexcused Absence Exception” since I didn’t go into the Day Job this morning. But I did get all dolled up, and why? Broke, Fired, and Unemployed are words I know, Sophia.

Or do I? Panic Attack, Anxiety, how about love? Would I have done it for Braxton? What did Meatloaf sing:

That’s The End. Fatherhood. Manhood. Braxton. B’s Real Ending, Virgil

“And I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that
I won’t do that.”
Song by Meat Loaf ‧ 1993

1762 Days Without B III, Day 1203 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 148 ~Virgil, Braxton Calls It~

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Here I am, this is me. And while Braxton and Virgil would “Stand By Me,” for “The Long Walk” I have to take today. I’ll still be “The Running Man.” Because I’m feeling more like Winston Smith and the rats… Room 101. Virgil, Braxton Calls It

Wednesday, November 26, 2025

Journey 148 ~Virgil, Braxton Calls It~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I could prattle on about the usual, but the main sin happens… Well, I have thirty minutes. Maybe.

Make the call. Make that change—literally, Inspector. I can go to the Day Job, what Braxton calls “The Bad Place,” and be a ‘better’ man, be belittled because of the Panic Attack that is happening, or just barf all over the place. Eww! I’m going to be sick, Echo.

I’m willing it. Hell! I was very much so with everything that happened yesterday, Echo.

I don’t have to do this… Make the call. I can’t go in. I CAN’T DO THIS. Make the call.

But if I make that call, it will change my existence. And what about Virgil? He needs to eat. I didn’t eat till midnight, being so sick. If I lose the Day Job, Virgil and I will both understand Braxton.

“Fill my lungs with fear, and I EXHALE!”
It’s My Turn To Fly, The Urge

Starvation? “Desperate for changing, starving for truth.” “Hanging By A Moment”

Inspector, indeed I am. I’ve said I’ll always choose the physical pain over any mental anguish. My Braxton was the same way. He would rather stay and wither away beside me than think about leaving me. And Virgil? Well, he’s in Braxton’s room, hiding?

Inspector, neither one of us wants to deal with our bosses. But if I don’t go today, what about Black Friday? Thanksgiving indeed. Did you see my last paycheck, Inspector?

Everything has taken a backseat to this moment. The back fence falling, being broke, not wanting to leave this bed. Even Braxton, which is the greatest sin of all, Inspector.

Forgetting my firstborn son? Never! Being sad or being SCARED?

I’ll take damn near anything over FEAR, which is why I’m right here, phone ready.

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change.”
Man in the Mirror, Song by Michael Jackson

Inspector, what should I do? I heard once that you should flip a coin. For the second, it’s in the air; you know what you truly want. Belly or head? Eww! I’m not in the least bit horny, but me being me, I was thinking about sex and/or a blowjob. But my belly says be sick and stay here. My head says, they’re looking for any excuse to fire you. Physical and mental seem to be together. I’m shaking, my stomach hurts, I’m sweating, and my mind is ripping apart knowing what this will all mean. “Panic Attack” Inspector Echo!

Seriously, am I calling or not? Virgil, Braxton Calls It.

“I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that. I won’t do that.”
I’d Do Anything for Love

1760 Days Without B III, Day 1201 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will