Tag: Guilt

Meditation 347 ~It’ll B Written, Virgil~

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When I was a boy, I cried over everything. What am I now? Something, someone who is afraid all the time. My Braxton is still gone, but it wasn’t him or the book I was reading. Blasted allergies? Or what’s become of the U.S.A? It’ll B Written, Virgil.

Friday, June 13, 2025

Meditation 347 ~It’ll B Written, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Friday the 13th. Happy Friday the 13th, though we do get a couple. So much blood.

“Yes, there will be blood.”

I’m more a fan of John Kramer, aka Jigsaw, than Jason Voorhees. Jigsaw could explain why I was crying today? Then Jason has the whole John Wick thing going for him. A man/monster of focus, commitment, and sheer will. This “Will” doesn’t have that. Guts!

But I still have my son’s blood on my hands. My poor Braxton, my firstborn. With the stroke of a pen, I ended his life on the “day of our lord” Sunday, January 31, 2021.

Seriously, Sophia, they talk about how long it takes for serial killers to get going. Saturday, August 13, 2022, with another pen, I “rescued” Braxton’s little brother Virgil. “How to Save a Life?” Give me sweat, blood, and tears and not ink. That comes later.

FEAR of sweat, blood, and tears? I’m not a hard worker, hard enough, considering what I’ve accomplished today. “Here and Now,” it’ll be written that I was crying while reading.

Can’t I save the love songs for Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. Or shall I call her Julia from “1984.” My Lenina from “Brave New World.” Is she Lorinda from “It Can’t Happen Here?” How about I-330 from “We?” Where am I going with all this other than ideas of dystopian sex? I feel like Winston. I’m weak like Bernard but want to be the Savage. I want to write like Doremus. And I’m a victim, liar, traitor like D-503. A man, ha! All these books, Sophia, they’re all I have to make sense of my identity now. To alliveate the fears of…

A well-read something or other lying with M Anime, someday.

My Julia, as she told me this morning that when we meet for the first time, she should wear some blue coveralls and the red sash of “The Junior Anti-Sex League.” We make plans all the time in texts. All of it is designed to look like ink. Kindle books, love letters, coding, etc. Yet I can’t write out an honest answer. Why was I crying over a book, hm?

Sophia, the book was Spring Break: A Slice of Life Contemporary Harem (Harem University Book 6) by Dirk Knight. No, I was not crying over that. Not even over Braxton.

FEAR grips me sometimes. Hell, like grief over my son always and forever. Writing life. Mine? What’s it saying? The End… It’ll B Written, Virgil

1594 Days Without B III, Day 1035 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 345 ~Don’t B Wasteful Virgil~

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Would I rather have… *Olivier Martinez Impression* 100 MILLION DOLLARS! Or my Braxton alive and well. Virgil’s happiness. And all the promises of their stepmom? How about Jane? What about all the time I’ve wasted in life back? Don’t B Wasteful Virgil

Wednesday, June 11, 2025

Meditation 345 ~Don’t B Wasteful Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Since the critic wants me to be clearer. In English… I ended Braxton, joined MAGA, and wasted time.

Well, not so much the joining MAGA bit. But we’ll get to that Inspector. It’s still effed up that every time I FEAR everything is breaking away, I have to ask, where is my son.

Braxton’s on the Rainbow Bridge, paradise, a box on the nightstand, and some of his ashes are in an urn pendant. I hope some of him is left in his bed. Have we discovered cloning?

No! Because I’m wasting time, and that leads me to MAGA. Do you remember when Elon Musk, the DOGE effers, and the MAGA asshats were asking for workers to share five accomplishments for the week? I’m not a government employee. Though I identify as a Sith. And, at times, share the Empire’s ideals. Dark Side.

But this isn’t Star Wars; this is real life. My life at forty, and what am I doing, my Inspector?

  1. Mourned my Braxton’s passing.
  2. Seen to Virgil’s needs
  3. Texted B, V’s Stepmom
  4. Blogged and “written” daily
  5. Read two harem novels

When you look at it, it doesn’t sound so bad. Side Note: “I fixed” the laptop’s audio, or so I hope. Anyway, what makes me a horrible human being is that none of the things on this list made me a dime. And that’s what I need more than anything. Not love, lust, a life.

“For The Love Of Money.” Excuse me, Inspector, I got a bit distracted by Jane from “See Jane Go TV. Talk about cannons, melons, yabbos…

And don’t I have my own woman for that? Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. See, that’s the other thing that makes me a “Bad Man.” Geez, Inspector, I’m not R. Kelly evil! And nowhere near Trump! And as always, “FDT.” What’s evil, Inspector?

Honestly, what’s done in the love of others is not a waste of time. It depends in a way, hm.

I love my furry boys. Virgil? Again, I consider him Braxton’s Bro. Virgil keeps breathing.

And M Anime? As The Spinners sang “Could It Be I’m Falling In Love.” No moment with her is ever wasted. You ask me, “Could You Be Loved.” By my boys, my Boricua (M Anime), and my books for some bucks. Don’t B Wasteful Virgil

1592 Days Without B III, Day 1033 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 340 ~Braxton Barks Library Virgil~

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I don’t draw up architecture plans; I write books. Do I? How about reading stories? “The Long Walk” was good. But the end needed more steps… “The Aeneid.” I named my secondborn Virgil, so I understand why he sleeps. Braxton Barks Library Virgil.

Friday, June 6, 2025

Meditation 340 ~Braxton Barks Library Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Hell! After reading “The Long Walk,” whose ending was somewhat, Meh. I’ve sampled “The Aeneid.” Snooze

Or am I lazy? Yesterday was a waste of a day. There is the exception of reading, M Anime.

You know, Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom. I swear I need to bind all of her stories together into one volume of work. And what of my stories? Braxton’s Life Matters.

So much so that I haven’t published either of my son’s two novels. I haven’t gotten around to building that magnificent temple in his memory that I told M Anime about. So that brings us to today. I was walking past my library/study/Braxton’s Bedroom/Virgil’s Bedroom. And what did I see? The Shawshank Redemption. The movie.

The Brooks Hatlen Memorial Library, to be precise. Is that sad? Braxton’s old room feels like a prison library, Sophia.

It was from time to time. Whenever Braxton would get into trouble. But I’ll never forget, on his final days, Braxton somehow found the strength to walk to his room.

Even when I brought him his water bowl, he insisted on going to his room to drink. He did it to spare me worry. I find myself in tears, wishing I had captured those moments. The Long Walk, Braxton Edition.

There’s one more thing I want for his temple, or museum, or mausoleum, or memorial. I was telling M Anime that I want to go all out. A fusion of Egyptian and Greek styles. I want to build something that truly honors Braxton’s Resting Place.

I want it to be built with Obsidian stone. Volcanic glass. There’ll be golden statues of my firstborn son. Paintings, Videos, and my books for him. Idolatry? You’re damn straight.

It’s not like I’m firing the 14th librarian of Congress because I’m a racist MAGA freak, Karoline Leavitt. Effing MAGA and FDT. However, let’s not discuss poor reading material. SIGH

The news? At least my stories are confined to fiction. B III’s existence is nonfiction.

But what about his and Virgil’s stepmom. Before writing a “love” story with her, hmm.

Sophia, I have a burning desire to see my books in bookstores, libraries, and bestseller lists. Just like Cherry boasts about. Am I joking? Whatever.

Then I can worry about the Red Room or, rather, the Black Room and everything I want to do with M Anime. The temple where my son may finally rest in peace. A bedroom where I don’t wake up exhausted each and every morning. Book it. Braxton Barks Library Virgil

1587 Days Without B III, Day 1028 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 338 ~Virgil’s Manifestations On B’s~

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I had the best son ever in B, and then… A heart murmur? Is he blind? He’s getting old. Have you thought about Euthanasia? I said he’d see 20. Nope. I have known a woman for decades, and she’s I’m “All Yours.” I wonder. Virgil’s Manifestations On B’s.

Wednesday, June 4, 2025

Meditation 338 ~Virgil’s Manifestations On B’s~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I haven’t done anything to protect the bees. How long would humanity last without them? Are we screwed?

As per usual, I’m only thinking about one “B” in particular, my firstborn, my Braxton.

Well, that would be three B’s, Braxton Barks Bradford, a.k.a. B III. Even before his kidney failure diagnosis, I thought about what LIFE would be without him. And I was perfectly prepared to drag him to twenty and beyond. Sunday, January 31, 2021. He’d be twenty now, but he didn’t see his sixteenth birthday, which would have been February 13th.

Inspector, I was preparing for the worse way back then like some effing death curse.

Virgil? How do you think my second-born got his name? The one who guided Dante through Hell. I should have posted above the door after Virgil was rescued and adopted.

“Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here”
― Divine Comedy

What’s LIFE brought to him?

The Secret? Rhonda Byrne wrote about manifesting dreams or something. It’s been years since I read that book. And since I can manifest a nightmare, what about my dream lover.

“I’m staring at a goddess. She’s telling me she wants me. I’m not going to waste one more minute wondering how I’ve gotten this lucky. She smells like angels ought to smell, the perfect woman… the Goddess. Goldie. She says her name is Goldie.”
Marv

Or M Anime. Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom. A Boricua Queen. It took me forty years, Inspector, and what can I tell her? I’ve been “Waiting for a Girl Like You.” Every time I think I’ve driven her away, she comes back. The things she says. I swear to God!

And Inspector, I’ll never be a religious man. But I’m going right to Hell for my B III’s loss. And for the LIFE me and M Anime might have together. Those we could create, hmm.

But Braxton went to the “Rainbow Bridge.” M’s an angel.

So, if I can be blessed to have two such lives. A furry little boy I sent to Heaven. And a woman who is saying, “Fly Me To The Moon,” “Take my body to the moon, watch me glow up,” Take me “To the stars.” I must think very highly of her ha-ha. Black hair, brown eyes (I think), and an incredible body. “But I’m love-stoned, and I could swear that she knows, I think that she knows.” Seriously, Inspector, how many songs was that? The things the two of us send each other. Pictures sans clothing, (pumping) tunes, pornography…

“Make this night what it should be.
Please? Show me the stars.”
Our Mrs. Reynolds

“Perfect.” So why can’t I manifest such things for the rest of my LIFE? Short answer: I don’t remember how. What? Virgil’s Manifestations On B’s.

1585 Days Without B III, Day 1026 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 333 ~Zero To Braxton, Virgil~

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I’m reading Stephen King’s The Long Walk. Writing is like participating. I need to win. I’m not my Virgil’s hero; I “failed” my Braxton. But I’d rather have pet bills than euthanasia papers. Speaking of caring. There’s a girl. Zero To Braxton, Virgil

Friday, May 30, 2025

Meditation 333 ~Zero To Braxton, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… “Pontypool Changes Everything,” maybe? I’m afraid not. I won’t be buying any books this week. Paycheck?

Zero. That’s for last week. And this week, I didn’t fare much better. But I was at the Day Job, and if last night was any indication, I was exhausted. The week I worked won’t even pay for Virgil’s Vet Appointment today. I don’t look forward to reading Virgil’s bill.

Sophia, I didn’t want to read Braxton’s Euthanasia papers either. But they’ve rested on the coffee table for four long years. As long as Virgil’s been alive. Keeping Virgil alive.

“And even though you passed. Going on four long years. Still waking up late at night crying tears.”
I Wish

That’s the rub. And yes, nobody needs to be singing any R. Kelly. My son B III is a hero. Braxton is Love. Braxton is Cruel. Braxton was close to Happiness. Like “Kill is Kiss.”

More Pontypool? Because reading bills, bottles, and bureaucracy kinda sucks.

Like reading my works? I’d like to stay up long enough to write. Why’d I choose this way? I chose nothing for if I had well… “I’ll always love my Mama,” but mistakes were made.

“I chose nothing. I was born, and this is what I am.”
Achilles, Troy (2004)

Achilles wasn’t a hero. Hercules was. The animated one, not Kevin Sorbo’s edition. MAGA-loving douche. One more reason I prefer to keep my head in the pages. While this is a time for heroes, I think the American consensus seems to be, as Tina Turner sang, “We Don’t Need Another Hero.” And did I hear correctly that the Cheeto and Chief want a dome? SIGH.

Figuratively, I hope. But you never know. I don’t want to talk politics, but we could be living in Paradigm City from The Big O.

Speaking of anime and The Big O, there’s my boys’ potential stepmom, M Anime. “One More Night” was spent texting her. The Phil Collins version, not Maroon 5. But I keep thinking about how she said their “Sunday Morning” reminded her of me. My heart…

Anyway, last night, it wasn’t only “Sexxx Dreams.” What comes after? If everything goes according to plan, the “Possibility.” Hell, possibilities. After coming comes creation.

“The opposite of war isn’t peace. It’s creation.”
Jonathan Larson

Creating children, can we have a home, “I can be the man you need me to be,” I want to tell her. But Sophia, the last promise I made to someone. I told my B III that he’d be ok.

With M Anime, I’d be both hero and villain. Like Braxton. Zero To Braxton, Virgil

1580 Days Without B III, Day 1021 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 331 ~That’ll B Rehab, Virgil~

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Now, why did I spend around $20.00 on 5-hour ENERGY when I’ve detoxed. It took a week. My legs had me on The Long Walk. Working but not getting paid. Heading towards Banfield with another furry son. And a ball and chain, hmm. That’ll B Rehab, Virgil.

Wednesday, May 28, 2025

Meditation 331 ~That’ll B Rehab, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Because there is no finality, forgiveness, and no finish line when it comes to FEAR. If there was…

Well, I passed it and kept on walking. Braxton passed Sunday, January 31, 2021. And yes, I read another chapter of The Long Walk by Stephen King, also known as Richard Bachman. So there’s that.

This leads me to today. I noticed my legs had stopped hurting. Detox complete from 5-hour ENERGY, just in case you were wondering why it took me so long to get here today, Inspector. It took getting clean, B and V’s ‘potential’ stepmom M Anime, some sisters, and Cherry. And a Happy Birthday to Cherry, who turned 28 on the 28th. An author and a playwright with a great pair of melons I’ve never seen. Not about me, I’m afraid.

Dear Inspector Echo, I am consumed by FEAR every hour of every day. But as a great man once said…

“I’m too old for this shit.”
Roger Murtaugh, Lethal Weapon

Too old to not be happy, always horny, which again this morning’s shenanigans, and to be dreaming of seeing Heaven ‘by accident’ so I can see Braxton again. “Livin’ On A Prayer” is not working for me. As I walked Braxton’s little brother, Virgil, today. I had a funny thought. B’s walking with us since I do wear an urn pendant filled with his ashes.

Anyway, then I started thinking about a time when I wasn’t afraid. That’s easy enough. Inspector, it was when I would wake up from a nap and see my son, my protector, sitting at the corner of the bed, staring at the door. And I realize that nothingness before him.

Braxton was staring directly at FEAR, keeping it at bay.

And then I understood, in part, why Virgil’s panicked little run annoys me so much. Inspector, he’s running from FEAR. And he brought a few of his, too, which we’ll see on Friday at his vet appointment. Besides draining my bank account, I don’t know how to rid him of his FEAR because mine is right beside him. It’s like that scene from I Am Legend when Dr. Neville (Will Smith) was injured, and his dog Samantha held the line.

Sam protected him from the infected man and his dogs. Virgil and I… we’re screwed. And speaking of screwing… M Anime. She said Maroon 5’s “Sunday Morning” reminded her of me. Is this love “Hanging By A Moment” For my heart, That’ll B Rehab, Virgil.

1578 Days Without B III, Day 1019 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 326 ~Contracting Braxton and Virgil~

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When it’s not about punching people or pretty girls and my “Enormous P, then there’s paperwork. I have to sign to get the car fixed and to see to V’s health, and I’ll possibly need a credit card. I’m not happy, but I’m Contracting Braxton and Virgil.

Friday, May 23, 2025

Meditation 326 ~Contracting Braxton and Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… But first, I need to get my words right. Don’t I mean Contact, Not Contract? SIGH.

The Devil is in the details. Braxton’s Euthanasia papers and Virgil’s Adoption papers. I pose the question. What are two sets of documents I didn’t read thoroughly? Dear Lady Sophia.

It’s the fine print. I didn’t know I’d hate myself always and forever… Braxton’s demise. And I didn’t think I’d be looking at Virgil and start singing “I Always Find A Way” from Even Stevens. A way to care for Virgil. We went out for a walk, and he had breakfast. Even with my splitting headache. Do you see what time it is, Sophia? Seriously?

Today, I didn’t start with reading “Saying Goodbye – Navigating the Loss of a Beloved Pet: A Guide to Grieving and Healing From Pet Loss” by K.M. Ogden. Another one?

By that, I mean mourning B III. But that’s not why I have the headache now, my dear Lady Sophia. There are worse things to read and worse dreams/nightmares to rest to. Did I say rest? Yesterday, I was talking about B Resting in Peace. Only I don’t let him. And for the past three months, I’ve been complaining about “Dollar dollar bill, y’all.” C.R.E.A.M.

I’m surprised I haven’t been doing that for Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom. Should I stop calling M Anime that? When a woman says, she’s looking into jobs where you’re located…

As serious as the heart attack that didn’t take Braxton. It was his kidneys. As serious as the painkillers I took. As serious as the energy shot I missed, Sophia.

5-hour ENERGY does its job, but if you miss a couple of days, your head hurts like a Mother Effer. I swear I’ve been through this before, and still, I could only get off my ass long enough to get a personal pan pizza and a bucket of chicken. OH, I eat so well. Yeah…

Something I’m going to do to M Anime should I ever get the chance. And while I’m talking about adult situations, how are my finances? They’ll be worse tomorrow, Sophia.

I’m getting that Check Engine Light looked at. After that, Virgil’s health. And next comes having any food. To think I wanted to pay for sex, but I found love. B and V make me rich? Contracting Braxton and Virgil

1573 Days Without B III, Day 1014 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 324 ~Braxton and Virgil Unleashed~

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My firstborn furry son Braxton kept his balls and was a Puritan except for his toys or favorite girl. Virgil is confused. As for their Dad? Well, my Calendar Girl became bold. So B and V can go out while she and I… uh? “Braxton and Virgil Unleashed.”

Wednesday, May 21, 2025

Meditation 324 ~Braxton and Virgil Unleashed~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Is FEAR a sin? What about when I ended Braxton’s suffering? So they say. My writing. Being naked.

We’ll get to all that, Inspector. But yesterday and always, there’s my Braxton. And Virgil?

Well, Virgil is still alive. And right after getting the car fixed, I can afford to worry about him. I can’t really afford anything, but I won’t let Virgil die. I told Braxton likewise, Echo.

Well, it worked, didn’t it? Braxton got a long fifteen years. He was thirteen days shy of his sweet sixteen. Virgil will have had a third of Braxton’s time if we get to October. Five.

Inspector, I can’t imagine five more years for myself. Hell! When I woke up, I didn’t want five more minutes. As Teen Idle says, “Feeling super, super (super!) ….” You know how that lyric ends. When Will My Life Begin?

Do I look like Princess Rapunzel or Mandy Moore? Is it a sin to say I’ve seen several Disney Princesses sans clothing? If anything, I should be jazzed. Or should I say the “Girl All the Bad Guys Want” needs to be jizzed and glazed? Must I be so crass? I’m sure, M Anime wouldn’t mind, considering I’ve seen her like no man ever has… Happy Go Lucky Me, Inspector. But I can’t tell you “I Just Had Sex” with her. When I do, Inspector…

Honestly, I might not share everything with you and everyone else. I’m an open book. Inspector, don’t get me started on how I embarrassed myself writing yesterday. It was a lot worse than Akon’s “I Wanna Eff You.” She knows.

And I know. “I’m Too Sexy.” Vanity is definitely a sin. I take a look at my “Enormous Penis,” as Da Vinci’s Notebook sings. And I feel better for a bit. Though you figure I would have creamed my jeans over M Anime a few dozen times. She’s Effing Beautiful!

However, it’s better to keep my pants off. Braxton and Virgil know the difference between my sweatpants and my jeans. And nine times out of ten, jeans did not bode well for my boys. The Day Job, the vet, and people in general. And if I sent them to B’s room. Uh, my “private time.” M Anime wants to get “Nasty.” I can bare my body. I can’t bear my mind. Braxton and Virgil Unleashed.

1571 Days Without B III, Day 1012 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 319 ~Let Him B, Virgil~

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I’ve told many a woman on OF, “I Wanna Eff You.” And I’ve told my boys’ potential stepmom plenty. Next thing you know, I’m shopping, and she sends a pic like “When you’re ready, come and get it.” But what I said? What she’s seen. “Let Him B, Virgil.”

Friday, May 16, 2025

Meditation 319 ~Let Him B, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… I should start saying a book review. But we are twenty weeks into the year, and…

This morning would be the perfect time for a critique. I finished Vector by Michael Dalton but was a bit disappointed. So I wasn’t crying over my son Braxton. It’ll happen. But not yet, Sophia.

Though I do miss him sitting on my head. Braxton would get into Good Trouble. Speaking of Good Trouble, what’s the last John Lewis book I’ve read? Waking up, Sophia.

It would either be Braxton making me want to breathe. A girl’s nice big Yabbos. Oh, Sophia, if you only knew. Or books. And that’s something I need to think about today, my Lady. I’m reading my bank account wrong. And am I even on the schedule for next week? I’m scared, so Braxton told Virgil to let me be.

But that didn’t help with what I was doing last night. What, reading ghost stories? I “pray” my boy B is more than some fur floating in the air. And trying my damndest to make sure his little brother Virgil follows him on the Rainbow Bridge. The walking path this morning was scary enough. Virgil vs a cat? What was I thinking about, my Lady?

A gift from Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom. After I got it yesterday, she’s their stepmom. As the song goes, “And then I saw her face. Now I’m a believer.” Only it wasn’t her face…

“And then I saw her face
Now I’m a believer
And not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
I’m in love
I’m a believer
I couldn’t leave her if I tried”
I’m a Believer

It was her words, in a way. A late Valentine’s Day gift, she said. No man has ever seen her like this. But I did, Sophia.

So what was I to tell her? “Good God, woman, you’re gorgeous; you’re a goddess.” And what happened next, you ask? Sophia, you can see me on OnlyFans, but she saw me for free, and…

I haven’t heard a word since. And that’s why I had trouble reading the clock this morning, my Lady. It’s why I had difficulty counting what little money I had left. And A shopping list.

I’m so worried about what she’ll say next. B’s Favorite Girl. She’s “The Sweetest Thing” when it comes to me.

“Your penis is so big
Your penis is so thick
Your penis is so pretty
You’ve got a handsome di*k

Your penis is so hard
Your penis is so large
My body is a movie
And your penis is the star.”
“Staring your penis.”
the film The Sweetest Thing (2002)

“Is you is, or is you ain’t, my baby
The way you’re acting lately makes me doubt.”
Is You or Is You Ain’t My Baby

But have I been right all along? Is M Anime my boys’ stepmom or not? “Is You or Is You Ain’t My Baby” I want to ask her. There’s the word love, the sight, the WRITE… Let Him B, Virgil

1566 Days Without B III, Day 1007 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 317 ~The Movement, B, V~

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I can’t have my ticket punched yet. I’m sure V is looking forward to his next walk. And I’m sure B would be pleased if I said, “Make Way For The King.” But I’d rather honk. My biggest concerns are my black balls, behind, and car. “The Movement, B, V”

Wednesday, May 14, 2025

Meditation 317 ~The Movement, B, V~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… But only for the revolution. Do you want a “Revolution?” My Old Man’s fav from Kirk Franklin. Seriously.

I wish I could blame my Old Man for the state of the car. The “Check Engine Light” did come on with that clandestine trip HOME for Mother’s Day. That was a mistake, Dear Echo. Eight pieces of chicken wasn’t worth it. It beats eating like I’m in a “Vivarium.”

Echo, before all that, there’s been what? It, Desperation, The Stand, The Long Walk, ha! I’m going all out with the Stephen King books and movies, right? But they are my evolution. FEAR is it. I do feel Desperation, I need to make a Stand, The Stand. And every time I wake up, Inspector, it’s like I’m making The Long Walk all over again. And without my Braxton. And Inspector, I’m trying to save Virgil.

Don’t worry. Virgil’s not in any danger yet. But am I? Today is Monday, May 12, 2025. Or is it Tuesday by now. Have I gotten the car fixed? Can I even pay for it? The worry, Inspector Echo. Only three movements have meant anything to me today. Comedy right?

Virgil has been walked. He has food and water in what were once Braxton’s bowls. Inspector, I drove the car to the gas station to fill up. Check Engine Light remains. Inspector, the only movement that has mattered is pumping my hips or my hands, thinking of M Anime and everything we’ve been saying these past few days. Freaky? No wonder I keep mistakenly calling her Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom. She is trying, Inspector Echo.

Two E’s are in movement, but not one in Braxton Barks Bradford or Virgil Vivi Bradford. How can I love them and be so annoyed with their movements? Braxton shot right up to Heaven or crossed The Rainbow Bridge. While Virgil runs in abject terror.

Inspector, it’s far more than FOMO. Like Father, Like Son. How do I keep moving? I’ve been looking up quotes from The Long Walk to figure it out. I doubt Michael Dalton’s Vector has the answer I need. Is Victor a god now with all his power? A car dealership?

I’m sure I’ll be finding out the answer sitting in one sometime this week. Petrified? HARD for M Anime and Cherry. But I have to move. The Movement, B, V

1564 Days Without B III, Day 1005 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will