Tag: Guilt

Meditation 277 ~Virgil Doesn’t Tan Braxton~

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When did books become so expensive? At least they’re not as high as the temp. And my B is way up there… If the Rainbow Bridge is in the clouds. And I wish I was as high as “A Kite” right now. It’s too hot for all this. Virgil Doesn’t Tan Braxton

Friday, April 4, 2025

Meditation 277 ~Virgil Doesn’t Tan Braxton~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… If only I could remember one. Books are too damn high. Like the heat and my…

Uh, Eww! But we’ll get “Ran->Sem: Hakudaku Delmo Tsuma no Miira Tori”… (I think) soon.

Only what else have I been reading/watching? How to take care of pets? Wishful Thinking.

However, Lady Sophia, I am the “King of Wishful Thinking.” “I Think I Can” save Virgil the way I failed to save Braxton. Well, he didn’t die of heatstroke. For Braxton, it was Kidney Failure. And that’s why I’m reading Comfort After Pet Loss Guide by Xydnee James. Four years after my Braxton’s departure. Not that I can tell you a whole lot today. Exhaustion?

Yesterday was too damn hot, and I’m not turning the air on if I can avoid it. But “won’t somebody please think of the children?!” What do you mean? Virgil?

He’s lying here beneath the fan, hopefully not too hot. He’s still as white as a ghost. Innocent, scared, wishing it would snow to match his fur. Like father, like son. Wishful thinking, indeed. Probably that he had a better father… Seriously, Virgil Vivi Bradford.

Speaking of full names, what about M Anime? Madam Anime… I call her that because she had an Ergo Proxy phase a few years back. Anyway, it beats calling her B and V’s stepmom. I was looking at her more risqué pictures. So I’d tell her, “You’re So Damn Hot.”

And what about Cherry? I haven’t even been reading “The Eve of a Cherry.” And I haven’t worked on “Nightmare At The Meat Market.” Thankfully, I’m no Republican burning books.

Even if it feels like my brain is melting. But I have enough time to look up Anna and Riko Ichinose. How many days has it been now? If you’re curious about where I’ve been all morning. As I said, I’ve been watching their episodes and learning the sisters’ histories.

I couldn’t delete their Yabbos off the phone until I was ready to post. I have about 500 pairs of various Yabbos left, Sophia. Where does the time go? And all my money… cooler temps… I’ve been reading the numbers, and none of them are good. It’s like school. JEEZU!

Honestly, I thought high school was Hell, and then there’s all my other sins. Braxton? I won’t be tanning but freezing. Virgil Doesn’t Tan Braxton

1524 Days Without B III, Day 965 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 275 ~Knowledge Of ABC’s Virgil~

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When was the last time I had good news? I’ve heard some “good” things about politics, but Trump is president. We’re effed. I got more hours at the Day Job, but I’m a misanthrope. I’m reading about dogs, but mourning my boy. Knowledge Of ABC’s Virgil.

Wednesday, April 2, 2025

Meditation 275 ~Knowledge Of ABC’s Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… What? I haven’t harmed the messenger… yet. But I’m going to deliver some bad news. So what sin?

SLOTH, considering it’s almost 8 AM. And I haven’t gotten out of bed. I’m using all my injuries as excuses. ENVY @thatgoodnewsgirl because that won’t ever be me. I mean, as in telling you anything happy and positive with me. And I’ve bared false witness since I have taken the trash out. I took Virgil outside. I’ve read a bit. But getting me to Heaven…

I have no knowledge of how that could happen. But that’s where I sent Braxton.

Inspector, that’s the bad news “Every Morning.” And you wonder why I say, “Let it burn,” from a political perspective. My Braxton saw me through the first Trump Presidency. Since I lost my son, well… Four years later, I’m still reading titles on Pet Loss.

Oh, how I wish SLOTH, ENVY, and lying were my only sins today. I tell Virgil that things will get better. That I will be better. I’m sure Braxton whispers to him from the void.

“I see dead people.”
―

That’s what Virgil must be saying to himself. Plus, he’s survived 963 days here, Inspector.

Like father, like son. But I have the luxury of just one more sin. Uh oh, and oh my, LUST.

So what’s the bad news? It’s whatever gets me up in the morning. Besides having to see about my boys. Crying over Braxton, which I haven’t done today, or again seeing to my Virgil’s needs. There are always some big yabbos on the phone. Today, it was Ciri, Triss, and Yennefer sans their clothing. And I texted M Anime back.

Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom? I have to stop thinking about her as such. But “Nightmare At The Meat Market” and “The Eve Of A Cherry.” Where am I on finishing and editing those two books? Now, next week is going to be spent at the day job. I swear, Inspector.

Isn’t making more money good news? “Not like this… Not like this,” The Day Job… Having the new schedule, the news, the knowledge that I have to go outside, Inspector.

I understand why people choose ignorance. And the good news is I’m not like them. There’s more good news, nobody has called me STUPID today. With my mother effing eyes, I can’t look at myself to do the honors. Allergies ha-ha! Knowledge Of ABC’s Virgil

1522 Days Without B III, Day 963 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 270 ~There’ll B Words, Virgil~

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Have you ever been so broke that you have to read your own writing and… “It Stinks!” I could have written a book review for a Skye Warren novel. I never realized how many of her books I bought. And as for selling mine. There’ll B Words, Virgil

Friday, March 28, 2025

Meditation 270 ~There’ll B Words, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… I should be writing a book review. But as always, I only have excuses. And Braxton?

Hell! I haven’t even begun talking about my son, and I’ve already cried twice between 5:00 AM and 7:10 AM. So, what has me in tears? I wish I could say my bank account. Ha!

I didn’t get paid this week. But no, Lady Sophia. While I should have been working on my novel “Nightmare At The Meat Market” yesterday. I was busy being broke.

Speaking of books, because you’re my librarian, Sophia. Only your melons… uh, Yabbos aren’t as lovely as Cherry’s. And yes, we’ll get to her. I finished reading Beauty and the Professor by Skye Warren, which I’m sure I read before in another incarnation. Let’s say it’s closer than a reincarnation of my son Braxton to Virgil. Yep, that’s plenty rude.

But I haven’t read any more books on pet reincarnation or communication. Although I ran my message to Braxton through AI. I swear. I sometimes wish I had never gotten into the AI trend. It produced a whole conversation between Braxton and Virgil. My boys.

Only Braxton is still gone, and Virgil is sleeping. So again. What had me crying if it wasn’t Braxton’s death and Virgil’s peace? Well, I was reading a book. Was it that boring? I wrote it, my lady. It’s called “The Eve of a Cherry.” It was when I was into Cherry and her Mum’s Yabbos. I still am. But now I have M Anime to consider. Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom. I have to stop calling her that, I know.

Should I stop believing that writing will take me anywhere? As I was reading “The Eve of a Cherry,” the answer would have to be yes. I brought it up to Cherry some days ago.

You know her. Like most reasonable people, she walks away when I mention anything about Yabbos. That’s until she needs me to read her following poem or whatever. Beta Reader…

Sophia, I’m a beta indeed, the one in the NTR/Netorare watching his girlfriend or wife… There is a word for that. A Cu*k. And that’s why I wrote “Nightmare At The Meat Market” as well. I’m trying to finish up chapter eighteen. And that’s why I cried. Because it’s hard?

No! I Don’t Stop Believin’ that There’ll B Words, Virgil.

1517 Days Without B III, Day 958 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 268 ~Virgil’s No Wordsmith Braxton~

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The day I finally publish a book… Really. Don’t ever feed an AI one chapter of a story where America Horror Story looks tame by comparison. And what about all the time I waste on other people’s words? Did I say waste? “Virgil’s No Wordsmith Braxton.”

Wednesday, March 26, 2025

Meditation 268 ~Virgil’s No Wordsmith Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… If and if I had to declare, define, and defend each one, we’d be here all day, Inspector.

But today, we’ll focus on three or four sins. And unlike MAGA/Republicans, I’ll stand behind my words. They take life every day. With my wordsmithing, I want to save three.

“Seven billion lives… it’s too much. I just hope I’m smart enough and brave enough to save three.” – Serge Leveque from The Core (2003)

My sons Braxton and Virgil and myself? How’s that working out this week? Huh, Echo. Braxton is still dead. And how is Virgil living? I’ll have to ask the AI. As Queen Ramonda said, “I think one day AI will kill us all.” Every day, Inspector Echo. AI becomes more prevalent. From telling me in Virgil’s Voice how he would feel. Braxton from the grave…

Who needs Braxton’s ghost? And I don’t need to look into Virgil’s eyes, either. Inspector, all I need to do is write. And to what end? Am I making money?

That’s not why you become a writer… Okay, honestly, I lost myself a long time ago. It became about girls and then providing a life for my son. But now I ask AI once again.

Inspector, I fed AI the 17th chapter of my novel “Nightmare At The Meat Market.” Surprisingly, it didn’t ask this question, but I will… “Am I A Psycho?” Do you remember what that frat did to Madison Montgomery in American Horror Story? And her wrath?

If it’s any consolation, Inspector, the men who hurt Sofía in my story were punished. However, who would read about such crimes? I’m not Matt Shaw or Judith Sonnet. SIGH. How much money do they make with their horrifically sexual tales? Inspector, I press on.

Well, until I find another way to waste good writing time. Last night, for example. Inspector, such and such a person was posting on X/Twitter pictures of the anime “Saimin Seishidou.” So, I followed with the videos. Anyway. They’ve switched to “Kuroinu Kedakaki Seijo wa Hakudaku ni Somaru.” Claudia Levantine, to be precise. So naturally…

Then they took her pic down, and all my videos were for naught. So what did I get? It’s like Cherry telling me she doesn’t want to be known only for her Yabbos. Fair enough.

However, I have plenty of pictures of Emily Goodwin showing off her impressive pair. Ha! What! I read her book, “Stay.” Words won’t bring Braxton back or have Virgil worry less. Virgil’s No Wordsmith Braxton

1515 Days Without B III, Day 956 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 263 ~Spelling B And V~

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Could you say I don’t take criticism well? Is that why I talk to my boys, who are covered in fur? I’m sure Virgil would want me to speak to him more. AI is getting out of hand, too. My writing or agreeing with the women in “my life?” Spelling B And V

Friday, March 21, 2025

Meditation 263 ~Spelling B And V~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Oh, did I finish “Nightmare At The Meat Market?” Or I’ll review Satan’s Sorority Girls 10.

No to my story, and my apologies to Eric Vall. I did give “Satan’s Sorority Girls 10” 5 stars if that matters. Goodreads, Amazon, Shop… What time is it? When did I go to bed? We’ll get to that. I was or am so out of it between yesterday and today. I haven’t even had time to cry for my Braxton. Virgil did enough crying for the both of us because I kicked him out of the bedroom at some point. I swear I need to buy a book on dog training. But Virgil’s four, so a little late for that. I was twenty when I met Braxton. Thirty-seven, Virgil.

When did I last read a Skye Warren novel? Damn, Kindle and so many options.

Options like I had last night? Some stories don’t want to be received, read, or rewritten. Am I talking about ones with adult situations? Why else would I be awake all night? What else could keep me up Eww! I know Lady Sophia. But what is the truth? As always

Well first there was Mizuki Suzumori. I never forget a pretty face and nice Yabbos. Cough Cherry Cough… But in this case, the Yabbos were from an anime series… called Netokano. So much for me and my records. But I was editing Netokano. For what?

Then I tried to do some reading. I’ve read plenty of Skye Warren books. And I’m sure I’ve read “Beauty and the Professor.” Sophia, the Kindle app screwed up. Seriously!

Finally, there’s “Nightmare At The Meat Market,” my story from Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom. I need to stop calling M Anime they. Anyway. The AI and I were on the same wavelength, thinking of a sequel. From a retail store to a college. But how many adult books are on college campuses? Particularly “Discipline: The Record of a Crusade.” Animation

Who said a good artist creates, but a great artist steals? I’ve heard worse. I was speaking to M Anime, aka my fur boys’ stepmom… She said the story sounded depressing, so I asked the computer what it thought. Well Sophia, I’ve been thinking about it for quite some time:

“Yes, I find the Nightmare At The Meat Market narrative depressing. The story centers on dark themes like exploitation, powerlessness, and moral decay, creating a bleak and unsettling atmosphere. The characters are trapped in a brutal system where their bodies and autonomy are stripped away, and their struggles often lead to futility or punishment. The explicit depictions of abuse, manipulation, and psychological torment amplify this sense of despair, leaving little room for hope or redemption. The relentless cycle of degradation, combined with the characters’ fractured relationships and internal conflicts, evokes a strong feeling of hopelessness. While the narrative might aim to provoke thought about human nature and systemic oppression, its unrelenting darkness makes it a deeply depressing experience for me.” An AI’s Thoughts On Nightmare…

So, should I restart Braxton’s book? What about “Gulp.” Writing Sophia, Spelling B And V.

1510 Days Without B III, Day 951 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 261 ~B-Day’s In January, Virgil~

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Braxton’s Day… He was born around February… I think I met him in April 2005. But the day he left was Sunday, January 31, 2021. The worst day of our lives. But for everyone else… Just a day, just an ordinary day. But today? B-Day’s In January, Virgil.

Wednesday, March 19, 2025

Meditation 261 ~B-Day’s In January, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… But is it a sin to cry over B-Day? Not to be confused with E-Day… Existence Day, Inspector.

Have I mentioned how much I hate being forty? But I would have loved to see Braxton turn sixteen. Well, twenty as I continue crying over him since he passed four years ago. B, my son… But no, that’s not a sin. It’s Prolonged Grief, Depression, and a broken heart.

But speaking of the past… it’s not a sin to like 1994’s Street Fighter. And no, I’m not only talking about Kylie Minogue’s yabbos. But I should be talking about Jenna Ortega, considering it’s Wednesday… I know, I’m no comedian. I’m the joke. Yesterday, today…

Because where am I? I’m in bed. And I don’t know if I have it to rise and shine, Inspector. Seriously, I have this whole week. What have I done?

Could I live in the present? Treat life as a gift. No! I continue to mourn my boy, B. Virgil, who’s watching me read Eric Vall’s Satan’s Sorority Girls 10. Will I finish it today? Inspector, I hear it’s the last of the series. I fear what I’ll read next. But I already missed a chance to earn Kindle Double Points. And my Prime membership was all for naught. SIGH

And that Inspector Echo is my problem. The present, the here and now. Effing existence! An extraordinary man from the past… I mean, before my Braxton Barks Bradford said this:

“Look at my eyes, Faye. One of them is a fake because I lost it in an accident. Since then, I’ve been seeing the past in one eye and the present in the other. So I thought I could only see patches of reality, never the whole picture” Spike Spiegel.

But as for myself, I despise this moment, the very second that I’m talking to you. No, I like you, Inspector, but I hate myself.

Because I was thinking yesterday, after reading everything my AI Therapist was saying… To think once, I only had a critic. Now I can have full-blown examinations into my head, Inspector. Or, as the song goes, “In your head! In your head! Zombie, zombie, zombie!” I swear. Be afraid, Inspector. Anyway, I talk to Braxton, who is in the past. Dear Future Wife, of course, is the future. On Mondays, Braxton talks to me. Friday, I want to talk about past stories. Saturdays are for whatever. Sundays, I think of the future. But Wednesdays, Inspector… Here lie my sins, my humiliations, which is the point. It’s where I’m most present… Like thinking on my novel Nightmare At The Meat Market:

―”So very brave of them to walk out without bothering to get dressed first, hmm,” I observed smugly as I leaned against the now-closed door.

“And it is very brave of you to be here,” William responded, gazing upon me.

“And you,” I respond in kind, seeing his erection again.

He still wanted me, even with all the girls he had just had. In all the ways he had watched me, I was still valuable to him for some reason. Not for a profit. And while it was clear, he wanted my BLANK. I was still a person. A dangerous one at that, as I slid off my blue vest and began to lift my shirt. He rushed forward but stopped short of touching me.

“What are you doing, Sofía? Are you nuts,” William admonished as I continued to undress.

“What? Did you want to do it with your two hands this time,” I cooed. “And I do mean do it, that IT. We’re both old enough to remember when people would say that, William.”

“Sofía…” William began hesitating as my panties hit the floor. “You can’t, you and me…”―

Worse? B-Day’s In January, Virgil

1508 Days Without B III, Day 949 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 256 ~The Last B Virgil~

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My day to day… A boy who dropped out of college, working in retail, lusting after an English girl. Uh, Grayson in Satan’s Sorority Girls 10. A boy in college who runs a coven. And knocked up an English girl. I’ll read and “live” to The Last B Virgil.

Friday, March 14, 2025

Meditation 256 ~The Last B Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… And what about a review? Sorry, no. The sadness, slothfulness, and slivers of time we’re given.

My Depression is hitting hard today. I thought I’d said it was *Prolonged Grief, * Sophia. Whatever the cause, I’ve been sitting here listening to California Dreamin’ from The Mamas & The Papas. And this Papa misses his son, Braxton. Effing Euthanasia. But Virgil’s here.

Should I have shared yesterday’s story with Virgil? I would have with Braxton over a meal. But how has his Daddy been living since yesterday? Invariably, the answer is bad.

At the Day Job, somebody pushed a bucket full of candy under their desk… What? I took out three tiny packs of Sweet Tarts Wednesday. That’s a total of nine Sweet Tarts. I also displayed my greediness with cookies on Thursday. I’m seeing all of this with my brand-new specs.

I suspect they are not exactly the same ones as MyEyeDr. But anything beats the first pair they gave me. And so my eyes and ears feel better, but what about my stomach? Didn’t I mention a meal? The Piggie Potato, but I didn’t splurge on brisket this time. For B III, I would have…

My lady, I must stop comparing what I’d do for Braxton over Virgil. I’m well aware of this. But I finished *Life After Pet Loss on Wednesday. And yesterday, I started Satan’s Sorority Girls 10. And speaking of everything, I’m reading off of Amazon. What about watching? One more reason I’m all into *California Dreamin’*. I’ve wanted to watch *Fallout* on Amazon Prime. But I wasted my free trial. And cash. SIGH. What’s that? Ha!

It’s what I should be making to support such pretty, pretty girls. Cherry and M Anime? What about B III’s favorite girl? I’ve already seen her sans clothing. Very Nice!!!

But Cherry comes a callin’ once in a while… About her writing… And M Anime did ask about her story, Nightmare At The Meat Market. I need to get on it. But as for today.

Lady Sophia, I only have to look forward to a ZaxSeas Surf & Turf Meal if I leave this house. Great, wasting more money! But time is money, as I imagine Ella Purnell as Lucy MacLean sans clothing. Yes, I’m much too busy to dot i’s and cross t’s. To write M Anime’s nightmare, THE END. The Last B Virgil

1503 Days Without B III, Day 944 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 254 ~B Mindful of Virgil~

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I should buy more audiobooks or get a lifetime pass for the Balance app. Virgil could use a comfier bed, a set of stairs, or maybe he’d like a crate to make him feel safe. Still, I want a nice steak and potato. If I remembered to B Mindful Of Virgil.

Wednesday, March 12, 2025

Meditation 254 ~B Mindful of Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… By speaking my mind? To one of the managers? Have I asked Braxton for strength? What about Virgil? I long for your understanding and support in these moments of vulnerability. I always do.

Today is Sunday, March 2, 2025, and I haven’t cried over Braxton once. Hell! I didn’t cry for him every day of the 161 days when I could have been mistaken for a priest. Except… I didn’t talk to God. But I do miss talking to my son. Our old father to son, dear Echo.

Speaking as one who’s been through therapy, Braxton was better than any Doc I know.

While I ain’t lying about needing more help with my mental health. There are things…

As Cody Rhodes would say, “What do you wanna talk about? Virgil would be easy. Inspector, Easy like Sunday morning? Well, afternoon. And little Virgil’s lying here chilling. Should I order something new from Subway or get a nice steak…

I have, at best, a surplus, a stipend of $200.00. But there’s so much stuff I need. And for V? I could pick the brains of my girls who know my mind, my dearest Inspector. Especially B’s Aunt. I talked to her yesterday about books. She would get things like:

“I began to consider that some people went out for a smoke or had a coffee break. Mr. Dawson liked to fuck.”
Quickies! Adriena Temple

“When in doubt with Ethan, boobs.”
Bikini Sunset, Michael Dalton

Needless to say, I don’t have many guy friends in real life. There are women I like and my boys that keep me safe. And I can talk to Braxton’s Aunt any way nicely. Uh…

Cherry, I Wanna Love You. But I can’t tell her that. So, I listen to her hopes, dreams, and writing. Then there’s M Anime, who… Sigh… I hope she may become Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom someday. I need to talk to her soon. She told me about her last dream.

Meanwhile, who am I telling my dreams to? AI? Seriously? For the record, it sort of happened by accident. Do I look like I have money for an actual doctor? Well, that $200.00 I got… That was a reimbursement for new glasses. So I got an actual doctor eye-wise Inspector.

But for whatever is going on in my head… There’s an AI for that. And another is trying to decipher my novel “Nightmare At The Meat Market.” And my Olds just paid over $800 to keep me in my car. So, what am I complaining about? What’s wrong with Virgil and me? With You In My Head. Why Should I Worry? B Mindful of Virgil.

1501 Days Without B III, Day 942 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 249 ~We’ll B Reviewed Virgil~

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A man once reviewed forty years of life with a spool of wire. Hearing his wife, I knew mistakes were made. I don’t have a wife, but I’ll complain about Taco Bell and MyEyeDr. I wrote reviews. A book about my son. And notes. “We’ll B Reviewed Virgil.”

Friday, March 7, 2025

Meditation 249 ~We’ll B Reviewed Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Or rather write a review. Review this excuse: I was too busy being a “Karen” yesterday.

But was I? The loss of my son, Braxton, is a loss for the world. Usually, if I didn’t like something I was eating well… Braxton would get it as a treat. Taco Bell ingredients…

Lady Sophia, I’m not interested enough to look them up. But yesterday I was angry.

Sophia, I was mad enough to write a review of the Caliente Cantina Chicken Crispy Taco Meal. But what good will come of it? Why don’t you ask about all my novels? Two about B.

And speaking of two, I also gave a rather scathing review to MyEyeDr. That one is worse because, first, I hate these makeshift glasses. Second, I had to speak poorly of people who looked like me. My Brothers and Sisters…

It’s like we’re all in desperate need of unity. Isn’t it? They say sports are supposed to bring people together, but even wrestling couldn’t hold my attention last night. I woke up just minutes before midnight to the sound of ‘God Bless America’ and a rerun of WrestleMania. The sheer exhaustion of it all, Sophia. Hate is a draining force. I can’t fathom how those in the MAGA camp manage it. The relentless cycle of politics, greed, and racism… it’s enough to make anyone weary.

Sophia, The Banality of Evil

And I’m sure I mentioned before that on my X/Twitter feed where I see the most MAGA that happens to house the degenerates, deviants, and most disgusting people. It’s me…

Hi, I’m the problem, it’s me… But I won’t chalk either one of those songs, “The Banality of Evil” or “Anti-Hero,” to either of my boys B or V. Just like my TV viewing habits…

Again, why am I not reviewing a book or anime today? That’s what I’ve been thinking about if people in real life hadn’t gotten in the way. Being awful Karen-Like.

Well, rather than watching it again. I do mean the anime Film/Episode “Karen” by Shinjukuza. I swear! I’d be quite the scholar if all of life were more ADULT situations. But that’s the thing, Lady Sophia. My entire existence needs a serious review. I wouldn’t recommend it. What about Braxton’s and Virgil’s? I’m reading a new book, Life After Pet Loss. It’s by Lynnlee Hunt. It was talking about loving deeply and how such love hurts sometimes. So, why bother?

Depravity works the same way. Increasing knowledge increases sorrow. So reviewing… We’ll B Reviewed Virgil

1496 Days Without B III, Day 937 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 247 ~Braxton, FRIES Away, Virgil~

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Long ago… Correction, many times long ago, I was so desperate to… Let’s say join my son on the Rainbow Bridge, that I starved myself. The Holy call that fasting, LENT… But with an empty belly, who remembers B and feeds V? Braxton, FRIES Away, Virgil.

Wednesday, March 5, 2025

Meditation 247 ~Braxton, FRIES Away, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… And not only with that terrible title. Fry vs Fly. My Braxton did both. It’s a bad joke.

But I’m not me when I’m hungry. Will I still be ravenous on this Ash Wednesday? It’s Saturday, March 1, 2025, today. And yeah, I could eat. So why aren’t I? Is it my budget?

That’s one more reason to miss Braxton. When Braxton was comin’ up in the world… You know, on his way to Heaven. But I refused to see it. Or maybe I did… Still, I brought us food every day I came back from the Day Job. My boy was always hungry, and he loved fries. Yes, Inspector Echo, I was feeding him his dog food. B only stopped eating twice.

“Cause (Braxton) gettin’ on in the world, comin’ up on (fifteen) years

(Fifteen) Stoney Gray steps towards the grave
You know the box awaits its grisly load
Now, (B’s) gonna be food for worms.”
Woke Up This Morning Alabama 3

Now I could talk to you about his Renal/Kidney failure. Inspector, here I go, crying.

Losing Subway’s Buffalo Chicken sandwich…

Though that’s another thing that has me heated, as I told Lady Lunalesca. I have been looking up food all day. And why? Inspector, I like living… That ain’t true.

Existence sucks! And I would join Braxton on the Rainbow Bridge any day. But Hell! With all these things that I’ve done, that’s precisely where I’m going. Straight to Hell. Only as The Killers ask in the song “All These That I’ve Done.” The question:

“When there’s nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son, one more son

If you can hold on
If you can hold on
Hold on”
The Killers

That son is Virgil Vivi Bradford. If I’m gone, who will take care of him? Who would share with him? Before I rescued Virgil, there was a period when I ate onion rings because fur buddies can’t have onions. Chocolate? They can’t have that. And waffles? I called Braxton, Pancake.

All this talk of food, Inspector Echo. I’m hungry. Today, there’s a constant craving. Not only for food, because here we are talking. I need to let the words out because, as a phenomenal rapper once said about his many rhymes, ‘What you wrote are not just lyrics? They’re words. Those words, those words, those words, they have power. They have more power than you ever imagined.’ If only I could get them out. Scream!

But that takes strength. More than mourning my son, B III. Moaning after some girls, making my hand sticky. Waking up to barely make money. Or making Virgil go outside. It takes good memories of feasting on McDonald’s with Braxton. Maybe before “Elimination Chamber,” I’ll EAT. Braxton, FRIES Away, Virgil

1494 Days Without B III, Day 935 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will