Episode 218 ~Anxiety’s A Bitch, Not Her~

Dear Anxiety, she’s either the girl I am continually paying for, or she’s my “Daddy,” so it’s a good thing I’m finally sitting down to write this although it’s late, yeah anxiety never let me out to play. Anxiety’s A Bitch Not Her

Monday, February 4, 2019

Episode 218 ~Anxiety’s A Bitch, Not Her~

Seventieth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, Cosplay, though I’m not so sure it works the same way for males in that area and though I might sound redundant, while I have a million problems with my face, I’m somewhat cool with my body but not “gay for pay.” Yeah, I’m nobody’s bitch, and I would call myself out for my language but the title; anyway let me state for the record there are plenty of women I “dislike” but for the most part with them, a more proper president said:

“the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

Now I know, as always, this is more a conversation for Dirty Diana, I will call a girl plenty of things in a moment of passion, talk to the MILF or @courtscandyshop, but that’s more Dominant me than whoever I am at any given point. My “father” often talks about us being alike and haven’t I told you before he might hide his anxiety with pure anger but as for myself “THEY” say I wear my heart on my sleeve. These days it seems I like my anxiety, afternoon naps, and “ACHING” more than I like any girl and then I’m upset, but if there is any “bitch” I’m upset with, well, there’s a mirror.

You can’t call a girl a golddigger if you flash your cash, can’t blame her for getting scared when you give the Hunchback a run for his money, and when your fingers speak more truths than your mouth well, that’s how we roll. I need to break-up with my anxiety, and as far as dumping someone, now that’s a talk to have with Inspector Echo, maybe I should be like Sheldon and have a council of ladies at some point right? Perhaps Anxiety is like the best friend, and while I may have fantasies of two girls at the same damn time, she shouldn’t be one of them of course.

Another way of looking at it is that I’m being stalked by it and you know me, I don’t want to hurt anyone surprisingly enough, so I attempt to stay far away, and I keep myself from having any real true blue life. As my motivations go, take responsibility for my life, there are three girls I’m thinking of tonight, but I am far from a player, must mean I need to fire the fourth ugly chick from my stable… Anxiety’s A Bitch Not Her.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 147 ~The Language Of Will~

Every time I go to speak, it comes out as a yawn, a tapestry of obscenity or praise for B III; how I wish I could know appreciation for keeping myself alive and all that’s required is taking pills slathered in peanut butter. The Language Of Will

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Episode 147 ~The Language Of Will~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, with NaNoWriMo nearly over I have been lost in my Motivational playlist, I have done you the courtesy of adding it to Youtube, but one of the phrases I remember is something to the tune of, keep your mouth shut and work, let your success make the noise. I’m going to tell you this second that one of your goals this week, will be to finish “Plague Two Pay” even if right now it sounds like Star Trek Deep Space Nine “Babel.”

Social Anxiety can be a real bitch (Language Please), but there are times like these I don’t think it’s “SAD” but more like utter exhaustion; the way I have been speaking this weekend can be chalked up in one word, Zzz… If it’s not that it’s the marching of God only knows how many feet, but as the song goes 99 Problems, but I’m not missing any bitch yet (again Will). If I do speak actual words they have mostly been “Take your medicine puppy,” “such a good boy,” or “not right now” so you already know what I’ve failed with those, Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
Failed
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
Failed
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
Failed
6. I Will Continue “NaNoWriMo” 12,600
Completed

What’s one more 17. 5 F and in this case, the F would stand for; yeah, I’m not going to say but with my Motivations, that F should start the mantra of Find A Way and haven’t you today, giving yourself another 1,800 words for the novel. What about going out to make some money though you’re already $150.00 down “Grammarly” that’s for your career, nothing has staunched the idea you’re going to make it as a writer and shouldn’t that count as a real blessing. Can you be glad that this is the last week of NaNoWriMo and what will you do with all your time after that, editing is going to be a pain in the: yes save the dirty words for the story and the overwhelming exhaustion for these Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
6. I Will Finish My “NaNoWriMo”

Words like Easy Street, Rested, and Happy don’t come to a man like you, but you have to start thinking positively, and I’m sure you don’t want me mentioning, Motivation, NaNoWriMo, or Ant one more time but fact vs. fiction, you have a chance at finishing one of those. Once you stop playing pretend though, what comes next, what does it take to be Phenomenal other than hard work, kicking everything else to the curb, how about a lifetime commitment, writing The Language Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 106 ~For My Opportunity Anything Goes~

Today was an opportunity for a decent day, every day is born with the same hope, but you must be willing to fight for it both metaphorically and literally as other people take their chances and make their choices. “For My Opportunity Anything Goes.”

Monday, October 15, 2018

Episode 106 ~For My Opportunity Anything Goes~

Fifty-Forth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, I heard somewhere that you don’t wait for the opportunity to knock, you drag it inside kicking and screaming… everything is violent. I’m still caught up in last week. You see when I fight it’s not to teach a lesson, it’s not only the need to defend myself but when I reach that level I’m not even thinking about winning, I have but one function for the victory… kill.

“Tell me why you kept on kicking him. You had already won.”

“Knocking him down won the first fight. I wanted to win all the next ones, too. So they’d leave me alone.” Ender’s Game

One of my favorite motivational speakers says there are only three words that you need; “WHATEVER IT TAKES” this is what makes a person unstoppable, limitless, you do this because there is no other way. I was speaking to Cherry, and she said, writing shouldn’t be a chore, and I won’t lie to you, it can be damn hard sometimes but so can breathing, sleeping, hell being me, Superman (It’s Not Easy), so compared to all that, writing is natural. Everyday something can come of this though I can’t say I’m thinking positively in that aspect, you do remember why I got back into blogging, keeping anything close to a journal, find a girl that pisses you off, or that you like a lot, both ended the same way, honestly.

I have a question though; if writing is my Plan A, why am I still working retail, I even told my coworkers today, if I’m still at it in fifteen years, go ahead and shoot me but to think at one point I did see that job as an opportunity… the pursuit of happiness it is not. There was an opportunity today for a more permanent position at work, but seriously I couldn’t run a crew of three black guys, I like being in charge, but a whip might send the wrong message, and I’ve said it before, if I were white, hand me a polo shirt, and a Tiki Torch. Money though opens up plenty of opportunities which is why I’m always so concerned about it nowadays because without it… so why is right here and now so important, every day I take this time to get it all out, regardless of what comes of it, such ill will.

In every moment lies opportunity and I learned a long time ago, you don’t have to play by everyone else’s rules, I’ve been thinking about this at work *ahem* I’m not here to be your fucking entertainment, I’m not here to be your damn friend, I won’t be taking your shit anymore. I am here to make money, this is my opportunity to do something so that I can have a better life far away from you assholes and if that means fighting for my right to exist, can you hear me now, if anything For My Opportunity Anything Goes.

I Will Have No Fear

The Language Of Life Itself

What is the meaning of life, there was a point when I would have said love but if this movie is any indication there is plenty of tragedy that makes you wonder is it worth it… this movie is worth seeing without a doubt. “The Language Of Life Itself.”

One name Samuel L. Jackson, though I don’t know whether to say, way to hide the good stuff or I’m warning you, because you know what’s he’s known for, and even if it is a five-minute cameo, the language is going to remain. I sat in the theater having to remind myself that “Life Itself” is a rated R movie because nothing in the trailers prepared me for this which in a way is a Pleasant surprise, though I saw one mother who brought her son, and an old lady yelling at a studio guy about the language she heard.

If this is what the fans of “This Is Us” watch, what have I been missing, the story though is top notch, and the stars that I recognized were awesome but do I call it a love story, a tragedy, a few laughs here and there but like watching The Lion King after Mufasa dies. You should be prepared for the graphic nature and the storytelling within the film and don’t get attached to characters; it will be a tearjerker if you can deal with the pacing and the shock value of the tale. Now with Fandango appeased perhaps a better explanation of the story would be to call it a series because overall the “drama” while great leaves one with a sense of, I whip my head back and forth, though down is a pretty decent direction just saying.

It amazes me what they get away with on screen sometimes, not that I’m one of those people who enjoys whining about how can they do that but when you compare Oscar Isaac’s character of Will to Olivia Wilde’s Abby well you can guess where they knew to draw the line. Again not with the speech though but I think it was toned down in later parts of the movie, or maybe that’s how New Yorker’s talk… but again I’m not trying to play Annie Wilkes from Misery. When you go from tragedy to tragedy, to disaster, to drama and then the ending but which would I be referring to since I counted at least five couples and the movie could have focused on one, not at all I think.

They were all needed though you only tend to focus on one emotion and spoiler alert it ain’t happy because the moment you begin to feel that well, Life Itself can be funny at times, and I do mean that. Only two of all the couples caught my eye but maybe because I have a thing for girls named Olivia, or I have an idea of a specific type of girl as many of my friends have noticed to be fair, plus it was also the end of the movie.

Attempting to stick to the trailer, two young New Yorkers are together, love and marriage expecting their first child and as I said, do not let the promo put a smile on your face if you’re a fan of the first two leads. Honestly, though I genuinely related to Will and not only in name and I know it’s a scary thought if you go and watch the movie but for a man to be in love so much… and that’s only the beginning of the heartbreak; have tissues ready.

I liked Abby too because she grew to become so understanding and with her past, how could she not fall in love with Will; their relationship is what dreams should all be and something I might want for myself someday. Can’t say I had as strong a reaction to Javier and Isabel’s love played by Sergio Peris-Mencheta and Laia Costa, so of course to give it a bit of extra punch you throw Antonio Banderas as Mr. Saccione into the mix. Though the feelings of the two men wanting what was best for Rodrigo (Àlex Monner) brought a lot of emotion and I only wished my father somehow gave that much caring, yeah that hit pretty close to home honestly.

As I have already mentioned the Lion King and laughter in the aftermath and Samuel L. Jackson is only a brief cameo we have Jean Smart as Linda and Isabel Durant playing Shari, but why did I find it so humorous that they could take the tragedy and turn it into a funny, rooting for construct? However alone, not one character truly stood out and compared to the minimal screen time of everyone involved, that’s why the stakes have to know such incredible heights for everyone to give the characters any depth. In a way, it’s like “GTA V” that everyone who sees this movie will find at least one persona to go with and even more so, a chapter to love and trust me that this film will help with this in a way.

Again for me, Will’s family was the best though, in this age of political correctness, I’m sure that someone will have a problem with that, Americans, a fan of Star Wars, I like the theme song, and the women though no worries on the sex front but considering everyone has kids… It’s also worth mentioning about the theme song that I won’t say yet, that it plays a pivotal role in the movie, if I understand anything about Abby’s college stuff, it’s an unreliable narrator or the only true one.

On the Fandango scale I’ll give it a four out of five, so am eight out of ten for inflation, I would definitely see it again now that I’m over the initial shock of the first time around and yes this movie will do that but do This Is Us fans have nerves of steel or what? From this point forward there will be spoilers, so you know, but I do recommend this film and if you don’t care what kids hear or for them to see you cry then bring them along as well.

One of the things that I didn’t like about this movie, well… people talk about trailers telling too much or featuring things that never make an appearance, “Get Out” deer skeleton or “Happy Death Day” In Da Club for examples but Life Itself is nothing like you’re expecting. I think the tragedy scale is set somewhat high I mean if you don’t have the guts to show one person you don’t get extra for traumatizing the audience with the next death, no matter how graphic, quick but it is quite violent. While I appreciate the good sense to break up the movie into chapters, with most stories the sections correlate, and this was more a miniseries of shorts that fulfilled the overall story of one life that is only on camera for five minutes truthfully.

My favorite parts, Will and Abby, the scene where he is attempting to explain that one day together, and you’re wondering, did they divorce, die, get disintegrated by aliens, and Will can’t seem to make up his mind before. Dylan played by Olivia Cooke; you could see her story arc coming from a mile away, and though her ending was somewhat, unfulfilling, she did a terrific job with the character and the small love story. I’ve already talked about the song which was Make You Feel My Love, sung by Bob Dylan and covered by numerous artists and it didn’t get old or repetitive as many times as it was played in “Life Itself” *sigh*.

Life Itself is masterful storytelling, but it felt more like several great stories that got around to making a good one and is there such a thing as “perfect” anyway, that can be a dirty word too if you think about it. So I’ve done a lot of it myself, trying to untangle it all and if I uttered one final word, it would have to be *ahem* “complicated” which is the truth because what can be more dramatic than The Language Of Life Itself.

Episode 099 ~Things Will Always Get Worse~

If I have to go over the lies, I’ve heard in my life one whopper would be “It Gets Better” a rallying cry for the “LGBT” youth but I have seen so many people asked to turn the other cheek, let it go, forget about it. Things Will Always Get Worse

Monday, October 8, 2018

Episode 099 ~Things Will Always Get Worse~

Fifty-Third Rule Madam Justice

How to make One Million Dollars, it helps to stay gainfully employed, and I was on the cusp Madam Justice, perhaps I’m fortunate that there is such a disconnect between my brain and my tongue because here is what I wanted to say to Dumb. First off don’t you f*ing talk to me ever. Secondly I only work here, the product is your problem, and finally, if you ever dare talk down to me again you’ll be too busy picking up your teeth to worry about boxes, now F off.

Language please, maybe “Under His Heel” is rubbing off on me minus the gayness… yeah, the things my mind comes up with only get worse but again having no job would be the absolute worst. The thing is Madam Justice is if I don’t stand up for myself things do get worse, this was Dumb messing with me today, Dumber is bad enough, and Dumbest will get me fired and the fact that the three of them think they can get away with it. How about “Okay,” I got to see her naked but I’ve gone from confident “bad boy” to Christian Grey begging for Anastasia, no wonder she is no longer interested, I know.

If it isn’t violence or sex, it’s retail therapy, I’m getting closer and closer to spending a lot of money; I put items in my cart online but I didn’t go through with the purchase but I want something to make me feel good and if I can’t F someone up one way or another… Takes me back to the days I was in school, and after a hard day which was all of them, I would go to the house, pop in GTA Vice City, add a cheat code and then, well that’s more a confession for Inspector Echo. Games like books and music can take you to another place, and if things get bad there well, at least they have a limit, and you can always start over.

Now I’m not saying things can’t get better, if anything because of the motivational jargon I have to believe that the best stuff is yet to come, like this million dollars I keep going on about, or the bit of satisfaction I would get from kicking some ass. Remember though I always live my life for five-minute intervals, and the world ends, and I don’t have to worry, but the bombs don’t fall ever, so Things Will Always Get Worse.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 087 ~Will Buys Some L’s~

If only I stuck to brunettes and not hot redheads, or girls that want me to work certain days and a manager that doesn’t know I will not tolerate, Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest but I’m still the loser here. Will Buys More L’s

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Episode 087 ~Will Buys Some L’s~

Forgive Me Echo,
How to make One Million Dollars or not because let’s be honest, I’m lazy, late, and driven by lust on the best of days and of course, this isn’t one, and I can’t remember the last one, to be honest. I wasn’t lazy at the day job, no, only a loser and yes this is going to be one more depressing conversation, I have noticed my viewership going down which is saying a lot and I want to say I don’t pay people to like me ever…

So should I explain what happened yesterday when DUMB asked me for money, and I reached into my pocket, as luck would have it I didn’t have enough but what is it they say, it’s the thought that counts? I’m continually complaining about money nowadays, and both DUMB and DUMBER are costing me because I don’t know how to deal with those assholes other than to lay back and take it, fuck, and I know Inspector Echo, watch the language.

Love is a bad word or even like which explains why I was such a lame brain today on Messenger but what am I afraid of, other than someone putting a pretty girl in front of me and I get all stupid? Hell if I let nature happen and give up this whole NO FAP nonsense I would be quite lucid most of the day, and I wouldn’t have to sit here in fear of tomorrow, but at least I told one of the managers no about work because I can’t let the anxiety go Inspector Echo, you know that.

Which leads me to why we’re talking now instead of hours ago, and it’s not that I’m lethargic, again I am afraid and you know something, perhaps that’s the silver lining; while I’m nowhere near courageous, I’m alive, I’m moving, and the movie ain’t over yet. However, am I lying to myself thinking that I can change it, I “try” to get healthier and every day it seems I get sick, I say I’m going to work, and then I repeat later on. Every Morning, the alarm lambastes me, and instead of fighting to stay awake or do something productive or constructive, I do nothing; sometimes even worse I go back to sleep, my hypocrisy.

“Fear does something strange to people like Al. But not you. Fear doesn’t shut you down, it wakes you up.” Tobias Eaton A.K.A. Four (Divergent)

Can you forgive me Inspector Echo, for being as low as I’ve been for… hell who knows, and again it’s lying to say things might get better, how about forgiveness for losing “loot” from motivation to rap right, I’m sorry for being lame and of course Will Buys More L’s.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 322 ~Let’s Speak English Please~

It’s not that people speak different languages but and I have made this argument before, there is too much noise, with gunfire and royal proclamations, and everybody is looking towards heaven but then again. “Let’s Speak English Please” not like that

Saturday, May 19, 2018

Lesson 322 ~Let’s Speak English Please~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again after a bit of a racist sentiment but it’s only racism if you compare me to Aaron Schlossberg or any Trump supporter, hell it might be treason during the Revolutionary War, but honestly today I mean the Royal Wedding. One country is preparing to bury more children and teachers, and another is welcoming love with a ton of security, thankfully nothing has happened; what if they had real knights with everyone knighted?

It’s times like these I think of that story of The Tower of Babel the idea that humanity spoke one language, and I would like to believe that language was love, but you can’t have love without hate. I’m still not a man of faith, but if there is a God sometimes you would think he hates us, my mom would probably go on some rant about love; why does love have to sound so much as hate, maybe something is lost in translation. I keep coming up with these reasons to write and here’s another, I’m trying to translate me because again it’s days like these I feel I am capable of love, but no one understands at all.

“If you think that what I do and how I live’s too much
I don’t really really give two fux
If you think that what I say and what I give ain’t love
I don’t really really give two fux” ― Adam Lambert, Two Fux

For example, if I were to have a wedding I’ve always wanted something like The Hunger Games, riding into the arena with my girl, crowds cheering, fire effects, or something like The Walking Dead or Star Wars. Don’t I call myself a traditionalist and maybe it’s sad because when’s the last time anyone said they love me, other than “Indiana Gone” and of course my dog gets a pass, but I tell him I love him every day, haven’t told a person that in years. More Than Words or Let’s Get Lost because we can’t “Escape” the fact that we’ve forgotten the love and again people will argue the contrary but we have dead children, and people instead hold onto their guns. We celebrate two people only to remind ourselves what love should look like or so we all dream.

If I’m not translating myself I do believe that words have the power to change the world as we know it, English, Spanish, Japanese, Yiddish, and god knows how many other languages because there are millions of ways to say I love you, but I need to hear it. Even if it’s Untitled (How Does It Feel) yeah I’ll turn off my phone, but I’m in a lovey-dovey mood, and I’m “Lost Without U” Lady Lu. Probably still am, unfortunately, but I’m just trying to understand, and with my languages *sigh* Let’s Speak English Please.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 107 ~You Are Not A Caveman~

Caveman had no choice but, to tell the truth without words, only the civilized find reasons to lie and yet for some reason I want to be one of them as well. You Are Not A Caveman but I am not a liar either

Monday, October 16, 2017

Lesson 107 ~You Are Not A Caveman~

Second Rule Madam Justice,

No Fear because there was not a word for it, and though I’m sure they felt it, hell as a society we damn near worship it by what right did we give it voice? Do we think ourselves civilized, evolved, just less stupid, that’s a great fear, I sound stupid?

It wouldn’t matter if I ever escaped my cave or if I remained for all time, word and sound echo off the wall and yes I am my own worse critic. We all continue to act on primal urges don’t we, “Indian Gone” and I both agree if some men would just shut up, men would have an easier time with women. What about the fact that we have so many words, so many languages and nobody seems to understand anyone, they just talk and talk but they never listen and yet I’m a fool.

Here’s something for your consideration, who have I ever asked that question of, what do you think of me, do you want me, do you need me, do you believe in me, do you love me, who has actually heard God’s own voice? We’re taught to believe words over deeds, one of my least favorite sayings is a picture is worth a thousand words, dance, art, photography, what about the concept of spoken word? Words are cheap so no wonder people buy thousands and I sit here a pauper or maybe I rather find the words I really want and yet here we are Justice.

How many times would I rather call everyone else stupid, that I can’t be bothered with the idiocracy of it all, I have so many voices speaking of above me, for me, about me, that I wonder what would it matter if I spoke at all? Anxiety Justice, because what is it I want to say other than the truth, that I have buried it along with a caveman because the truth is always the truth no matter the word, action or the speaker himself. That is why I can’t be the caveman, I have to speak, and for the love of everything if I choose to remain silent, don’t let my actions themselves hide the truth, smile, laugh, pretend.

This is simply a statement of fact, the caveman learned, evolved, adapted, overcome and with so much time I should already know this by now You Are Not A Caveman.

I Will Have No Fear

 

Lesson 070 ~We Will Be Invincible~

As the song goes I can feel it coming in the air tonight, and I am not afraid, let Irma blow along with some others but now I’m only worried about work. We Will Be Invincible honestly it’s the people that scare me and their words, not hurricane winds

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Lesson 070 ~We Will Be Invincible~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, of course, there are a million and one things waiting in the wings but isn’t it fun to pretend, to look the other way, to play it by ear. Well, what’s the sound of being invincible, how about fearlessness, I suppose I can answer my own question with just one word, and that’s with “yes”.

“M Anime” is a student of languages as for myself, I speak English, Dollars, and Braxton, I swear my little son swears that he’s going to live forever, though he threw up on me this morning and he sounds like he might hack up a lung sometimes. It’s when you see the monster that you know you’re done for, it’s been awhile since I have heard anything that truly scares me but that time is coming soon, heading back to my day job. How about Hurricane Irma… whatever can the wind do, kill me or the waters drown me, to this day people still don’t understand what words do though.

“Well, I speak one… One Zero One Zero Zero. With that, I could steal your money, your secrets, your sexual fantasies, your whole life. Any country, any place, anytime I want. We multitask like you breathe. I couldn’t think as slow as you if I tried.” Rat, The Core (2003)

That’s being invincible Lady Lu but goes right under that blanket of impossible, immoral, illegal, and insane and not at all practical sadly. Well not until I get my writing off the ground and how has that been going, by the way, I’m still aren’t I, though I wonder
If anybody is looking at my old stomping grounds right now. Day nine and I’ve seen some scary things and forgotten a few more and I will no longer give them a license in my mind… see how long that last.

“Haven’t you ever wanted to just disappear, lunch boy? Poof, you’re gone? You’d be surprised how interesting people become when they think you’re *really* stupid.” Dorian Newberry, Disturbing Behavior (1998)

Believe half of what you hear, to none of it, is that why I enjoy my headphones, my music so much because I feel what isn’t real, then what about what people say, what about what I say, how people dismiss the senses so easily in exchange for what… God? We were given ears for a reason, eyes, a tongue with taste buds, skin, and every day I see the impossible, I try, I want to say, the impossible, I want to make it real.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it starts with having a voice and today’s lesson is We Will Be Invincible, not just today, but tomorrow, and Monday, and so on and so yes, We Will Be Invincible.
“Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” Alice in Wonderland

I Will Have No Fear

Grin’s Fairytale

I hate my smile and I could say it’s because I have bad teeth, fell on the stairs, hit with a baseball bat amongst other things but words can be just as damaging to be sure and my words well… Grin’s Fairytale, weren’t “Grimm’s Fairytales” horror

Because I can’t stand to “sup”
or suspend, the words blurry.
I can’t help but worry
as I latch on, again and again
to hmm, oh, I stand in awe
though there is no God

present, he need not hurry
as I have not grown up;
and since when has any man been enough?
“Oh, yes, there will be blood” Jigsaw
spilled his guts but oh when, oh when
will I say the right word to win?

It’s a setup,
when I thought she was a friend
but a stranger, and the skin
crawls, surely
I’m guilty; who am I to say Nah,
to cry, to scream, to laugh, ta-ta

Instead, I offer no sound, no fury
for judge, jury, executioner I draw
no excuses for my shame, as my jaw
knows I should shut the hell up
My every thought, word, and dream a sin
Swallow them, here’s my shit eating grin

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.