Tag: Man

Saga 015 ~To B Failing, Flying…~

WillLeave a comment

Icarus failed at flying. He did for a bit, but he was warned. The only thing getting high this week was my word counts Wed-Fri. And already, the words I’ve written down fall short. Well, today I’ll crash. But oh no, I have to get up. To B Failing, Flying…

Saturday, July 16, 2022

Saga 015 ~To B Failing, Flying…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And except for my son B III, I’m willing to sacrifice anything. AHEM, sleep, sex, skeeviness…

This week has been all about B and my novel. At this rate, wherever he is, he must feel like Philip Pullman when they made The Golden Compass film. Cut my check and leave me alone. And how did that movie do against Twilight, Harry Potter, and The Hunger Games? I even when so far in the novel to talk about Whitney Houston? You know when she sings, “For every win, someone must fail.” And that is what I’ve been doing for three days straight in the guise of winning. Hmm! 5000 words daily, that amount to nothing for Braxton. At least it isn’t Whitney Wright… Sigh, as much as I like her. I’ve been edging to everything under the sun and moon while writing.

Today I’m going to fail. Hell! I would have fallen back asleep if it weren’t for what I was doing. That’s how much I was up last night. In more ways than one… But again, I did get all the words I needed. I’m on the cusp of catching up, Luna. Camp NaNoWriMo. And who would care if I didn’t show up at Petsmart? What if I decided not to go through my Saturday Routine? I have all my excuses lined up. Tuesday, I was trying to be a proper American citizen. Speaking of which, I should get outside before there isn’t much of an America left. I’m not an evangelical white guy, but I have all the makings of a Republican lawmaker, Lady Lunalesca.

First and foremost, it always comes back to Braxton. I promised him a future, a family, and that I would be a good father. Every day I wake up and ask the question. Where’s Fluffy? Did I make a “Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist” joke, reference, whatever? That’s another thing. I’m always one for a good distraction. If she’s a hot brunette with nice yabbos. This then brings up how I talk about my respect for women… especially in pornography. Then you hear how I have been talking to two of my friends. Yesterday evening… Lunalesca, I could have been reading a book. But I won’t finish it this Saturday. So with my Six Impossible Things: You know the answer of To B Flailing, Flying…

531 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 014 ~Book Better B Better~

WillLeave a comment

The book is better than the movie… I read The Hunger Games because of the film. I liked the movie Nerve more than the book. And I love my boy more than writing about him. Might life be better? If I finish Camp NaNoWriMo. Book Better B Better

Friday, July 15, 2022

Saga 014 ~Book Better B Better~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And while I’m speaking that blasphemy, sometimes the books aren’t better. Or at least my books.

The one I’m writing for/with my son. I’m surprised I’m keeping up with it this week, except for Tuesday and “watching” The January 6th Hearings. But I still reached the quota. But every day, the story gets worse and worse, as Braxton’s health did. Yeah, something could be better. B III could be alive and well; I could have been a better parent. Even that would have required me to be a better writer and tell a story. I don’t know how I’ll get through it today with the time it took Thursday. How tired am I? Don’t answer that. And could I stop looking at ta-tas? Would I imagine staying up all night watching B die? Had I known how to save a life?

Speaking of nightmares, I had one last night, which explains my tiredness though it didn’t wake me up. How can something both be graphic and then not? Bloodless yet terrifying. Slimy yet satisfying, Hakuna some Tatas and what else will I beg, borrow, steal writing. I’ve never read The Walking Dead or The Man in the High Castle. But the nightmare was sort of a mixture of both. “Fight the Dead, Fear the Living.” Watched a throat getting slashed in the woods. But again, there was no blood which somehow made it digestible. And then I took care of a boy as we hid out with the “BCR” Black Communist Rebellion. Oh, now I know I’m on some government list. Another excuse to quit writing…

And now I sound like Cherry. But no Lady Sophia. Dare I say I’m getting close to catching up with Camp NaNoWriMo. I’m going all in with my writing. And with the Day Job pay? Anyway, I might not even finish “Blackout: A Thriller” this week because I was so “invested” in my writing. I swear if Kindle fucks me again with Reading Insights! That’s pretty rich, considering how I fucked myself this week. Was it “you know who’s” ta-tas? Or was it the fact that Cora Jade attacked Roxanne Perez? Wrestling’s going TV-14. Still, it’s me and Braxton’s novel that is getting to me. Our lives were better, and that’s saying something, Lady Sophia. There’s still “Gulp.” I’m hoping my Book Better B Better.

530 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 012 ~I’ll B Waiting Longer~

WillLeave a comment

How long did I wait in bed… not that I was utterly useless? I checked my schedule and, as always, posted something about my boy. And anytime I find my pants and make it to the table to work. But as far as “love and happiness.” I’ll Be Waiting Longer

Wednesday, July 13, 2022

Saga 012 ~I’ll B Waiting Longer~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And all it took was 37 years. Yeah, when it takes me an hour to speak.

That’s nothing compared to the two hours I usually give myself for the Day Job. Seeing about my boy, gazing at too few bucks, watching some boobs, and going blind playing with my balls. For now, I’m only reading the clock. I was up at 4:00. And Lofi Girl has returned. But what about B III? First reincarnation. And now I’m going all Jennifer Lawrence, screaming, “but if it’s me reading the signs.” Um, looking up Jennifer’s boobs this second. What, you want me to stay awake? It should be more like I want to be awake. Isn’t that right? Between resisting sleeping and wanking. The “Twist In My Sobriety.” And speaking of songs, again, a sign from Braxton, “I’ll Be Waiting,” from this morning.

I remember this show once. MTV’s Guy Court, talking about playing slow jams and love songs with the homies. Braxton got used to me playing all sorts of music around here every day. One more way he has to be trying to talk to me because I just remember suddenly. Inspector, I might have to put it in the novel I’m writing, “The Will To B III.” Sunday is an exception. Otherwise, I’ve been down here writing for the third day this week and to listen. I’m still waiting for this book to start getting good Inspector. I hear you say give it some time? Then there’s the speed. I should be over 20,000 words by now. As it stands, I’m around 7,600 or so.

Hell, that’s embarrassing! But let’s say I perform this miracle; it’s not like I’ll ever publish it. And why do I want to anyway? Well, we’re back to the beginning. To honor my son, several more smackers, and so I can tell the world, “I Just Had Sex.” Lately? Inspector, all these things are going on in the world. And this is what I’m worried about these days. Then why did I slack off yesterday? Telling myself that I was watching The January 6th Hearings? I did somewhat, but I can’t say I was engrossed. King Trumptard tries to overthrow the country and gets away. Yep, I’m a Republican because I face no accountability for my worst inclinations. My son’s death? I’ll B Waiting Longer.

528 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 011 ~ Love’s No B Choice~

WillLeave a comment

I didn’t choose the Thug Life; the Thug Life chose me. Now I didn’t choose to love a puppy, a woman, and a bunch of kids. Then a dog is hopping in the car. For the first time, I’m wondering about diamonds. And a college education? Love’s No B Choice

Tuesday, July 12, 2022

Saga 011 ~ Love’s No B Choice~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can be harsh, cruel, and a douche kinda. But I still love B.

Nope, that won’t change. No way, not ever! I’ve said before when I say the word “Always,” that’s what I mean. Hmm, so many songs. Oh, The Wannadies, Luther Vandross, Jimi Jamison, ha, even more. So um, you can see I’m stuck reminiscing these days. These days? Like yesterday and hopefully today. A surprise I’m up at 4 AM, yep. Hell! I might as well jinx myself and say it’s because I love my boy more than getting more sleep. Or maybe I remain disappointed over how I spent my Sunday in bed doing absolutely nothing. I chose to cry over Braxton than the fact that I was being useless. Love, it’s been 527 days. I didn’t choose to love but decided to lose.

Now while I’m all into music, trying to stay awake. I mentioned that Aloe Blacc was wrong when he sang, “love is the prize.” I believe that love is a gift; you don’t realize you’ve given. If you have to think about it… then you’re doing something wrong and should stop. If life is a game, then love is the instructions. And men read the instructions? I woke up, and I walked B. Before I ate, does he have water, his food, take your meds B. Before I got comfortable, where was he? Can’t we be comfortable together as I write? Speaking of which, I’m trying to rediscover that. But it’s only Day 2. Catching up, maybe? Writing isn’t a choice since I wrote my name.

Our kids? Another devastating three-word combo. “Babe, I’m Pregnant.” Is devastating the right word? Awesome, Fantastic, Extraordinary? According to Youtube, every husband has his name automatically changed to “Babe.” Or something similar. Inevitable that love must be considered a choice but love thrice in this existence… When Braxton heard me call and my little imp, my dwarf, my dæmon came running. There is the moment I took a knee, an arrow, or ok, bent and asked, and you said yes. I was “shocked,” Baby Doll. And then when I saw them. I actually poured the Bisquick, and we made “pancakes.” Yeah, one of them will be named Braxton because I love him, you, them. And what about me? Love and happiness? Love’s No B Choice

527 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 010 ~ Love’s Unknowns, Right Or Wrong~

WillLeave a comment

Hate can be taught, and I had fantastic teachers. I’m sure there’s a better way to say that, but I would instead speak of love. Funny, the best teacher I had there never said a word. And even knowing the why, how? Love’s Unknowns, Right Or Wrong

Monday, July 11, 2022

Saga 010 ~ Love’s Unknowns, Right Or Wrong~

Two-Hundred and Forty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means the law doesn’t apply to me… Trump, Bezos, Musk. Worse?

One less thing… unless that “thing” happens to be my son. I can love a dollar. But I’ve never loved anything more than B. And the thing is, I didn’t know how to love him. Fifteen years? I’d lie to his Aunt Carolina about getting him some doggie steps. Flying? Oh yes, my boy is flying now, all thanks to me. Or he’s saving me a spot by the fire. He could be waiting alongside Cerberus, barking, “is he here yet.” Soon? But we’ll get to that, Madam. As I could give you all these quotes about love or again how I continue defining it. I see myself as more of a murderer than ever being merciful. Love’s fucking confusing. And being STUPID about it…

“Yeah, baby, when it comes to females.” I can say I’m not in love with anyone. Of course, “I’ll always love my mama.” I care for Braxton’s aunts. One more than the other, um yeah. Lust though? I find ways to fuck that up too. You should have heard me talking to Cherry Sunday. And then when I imagine bedding M Anime… And before them? It has been six years. Lucky? As in getting lucky? Um, that’s more of a talk for Inspector Echo. All the writing I have to do today. But yesterday, it was all about Yabbos. Keeping it in my pants, ha-ha. What pants? I wasted the entire day not loving myself. Or my craft. There was the Man in the Mirror.

You know the guy I’m killing every day. Because I can’t follow Morgan Freeman’s advice as “Go on and do it EXPEDITIOUSLY!” Well, not since Braxton saved my life before. Braxton knew how to love me. He never worried about right or wrong. All my little boy saw was, “these people upset my daddy.” So he’d spend his days at his gate barking up a storm. It took him around four months to trust his Aunt Carolina. Hell! Anyone who loved filling him up with food. He’d trust with daddy’s life. Treachery, Betrayal, not B. Because he only knew love. Like father like son? Love power. But what to do with it, Madam? Who or what do we become? Love is a miracle. Bad miracle? Love’s Unknowns, Right Or Wrong

526 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 009 ~Don’t You B Dying~

WillLeave a comment

Of everything I told B III, did I ever say the words “don’t die?” He didn’t know any tricks, so he wouldn’t perform that one either. I don’t even listen to myself most days. And now I have a whole week of me, myself, and I. So, Don’t You B Dying

Sunday, July 10, 2022

Saga 009 ~ Don’t You B Dying~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, so don’t you be dying. It’s not that you haven’t seen the end before. But this week.

That’s right, you have a whole week, and already you’re starting off bad. It’s 5:10 AM, when you were supposed to get started at 4:00. As Braxton was dying at least… Was I about to say I was on time? How late was I? Hell! I didn’t sleep, but I was still spilling my guts out. Oh, don’t worry, we’ll get to that. Don’t worry? Can you focus, fucking work! That’s the important thing. The Day Job was killing me, and here you have time. “Time Enough At Last” to avoid such a fate; all you want to do is sleep and fucking jerk. What was it this morning now that it’s 6:00 AM? Another brunette, a British vixen? Because it’s not Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing The Title, All Dogs Are Good: Poems & Memories
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Don’t THEY say, find what you love and let it kill you? Every day but Sundays, for sure, you remember Braxton. It was his last day. You still don’t have the “balls to visit Banfield. You don’t have the guts to read that book “Blackout: A Thriller” by Erin Flanagan. Brings back the memory of “Stroke of Midnight.” I couldn’t continue with that at all. So write your own damn book. Again, it doesn’t look like you have the heart to continue with that. I know I didn’t Saturday, but we’ll get to that. Yeah, while you sit here propped up on pillows in the middle of the bed telling lies. “Endure and Survive.” Like holding Braxton saying he’ll live and other Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Blackout: A Thriller (Possibly…)
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Like I’m not dying, I’m not. Talk about dangerous words. When you’re committed to “such and such” a fate, you can feel a sense of euphoria. I know that yesterday, I was ready to rush to the doctor. Jigsaw said, “oh yes, there will be blood,” maybe cranberry juice. I’m hoping it was cranberry juice, and I haven’t seen any more signs of injury recently. Dying wasn’t in the cards when Triple B was here. Hell! I would have traded my life for his in a second, and I know you would do the same. But I didn’t want to die Saturday, and you shouldn’t play dead today. Lying on your back watching the angels sing, scream, and suck. Get up! Don’t You B Dying.

525 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 008 ~To B Pissed Off~

WillLeave a comment

Has it really been six years of this? A drop in the bucket of things that make me mad. Or would you rather I am all hot and bothered. I can do both and deserve to burn. But Treachery is the coldest sin. And still no real punishment? “To B Pissed Off”

Saturday, July 9, 2022

Saga 008 ~To B Pissed Off~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I should be pissed that people want me to help? Oh, I’m such a Republican…

But like every morning, after I wipe the tears from my eyes… I get pissed and mad. As the song goes, “I’m in a rage,” and why’s that Lady Luna? Frankly, selfishly, it’s my son. I’m never mad at him for having to leave me. No Lady Lunalesca. It’s a fact I have to look his murderer in the face every morning. And when it’s not wanting to be punished, it’s utter disgust. There’s a reason I don’t go trying on clothes in a store anymore. Those mirrors are too fucking good. There’s a reason I go and pet the dogs every Saturday. To see what I can never have again. I’ve been dreaming of Braxton, which makes me mad? So a no on reincarnation?

Because I was all sorts of scared at around midnight. Of course, B III wasn’t here to protect me, or was he? I kept the lamp on a while and then heard what sounded like gunshots. And that’s when I turned the lights off and went back to bed, not worried a bit? Um, a song? “The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.” Dangerous words, Lunalesca. Glad I already bought a gun. But like I’ve said before, like a proper Republican or not, I’m all for guns. Only I read something about them going through your social media accounts. To check your “morals” and “character.” I’m the ending of Daenerys Targaryen. I mean righteous who goes batshit crazy. No Fair

Don’t normal individuals get angry when they’re hungry? No, I get mad when I’m horny. It’s like fucking rehab Lady Lunalesca. Pardon my language this morning. Yes, B is gone. Next to his death, not being able to say what I like is ticking me off, tick-tick-ticking me off. For example, I want to talk about Maisie Williams in The Falling or some UK BBWs. I swear, brunettes, girls from England, big tits. If it’s not that, it’s Dirty Latina Maids or Hentai, hmm? I’m not a nice guy, but I’m not a douche either. Like father, like son… Braxton. Always pissed he isn’t here to make me want to be a better man, his father. Write his story. I’d say, To B Pissed Off.

524 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 007 ~There B Treasure Here~

WillLeave a comment

I could tell the tails of every toy B had, every comfy spot he ever chose, and every name he went by. Yet what I hold most near and dear to me? I should be ashamed. All ten, eight, he died at six pounds… Then there’s my phone! “There B Treasure Here”

Friday, July 8, 2022

Saga 007 ~There B Treasure Here~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But nothing is worth more than my son Braxton. What’s that Whitney song, You Were Loved?

Dammit, when will I say such things! I’m still time traveling today, Sunday, July 3, 2022. And I care more about sleep than I do my own son? I could be working on my, his, um, our novel today? But of course, if it’s not sleeping I treasure, then it’s my uncanny ability to tell lies. As I said, it is Sunday, which means I have talked to the man in the mirror. Hate that! Because, like in my everyday life, I have to put on a show, keep secrets, and smile. And the song “Smiling Faces Sometimes” sigh. I value Braxton’s but never my own. Inevitably, I’ll keep digging myself deeper into the hole which is my bed. For fuck’s sake, man, stay awake!

And without the porno! I swear, Lady Sophia, I wasted a damn hour trying not to click on anything. I swear, besides my Pancake, there’s my phone, porno, and always and forever my penis. There be treasure? In the closet, that drawer, my fucking head. Apologies for my language, but you wouldn’t like me when I’m just hanging out, horny, or haughty. Yeah, I’m writing or not a National Bestseller. Hell! If we finish our conversation on time, I still won’t write. I’ve been planning forever to complete an outline. There’s also been the promise of having a doctor dig into me and pull out whatever is wrong with me. Did I tell you that story of my ear and how I learned about Bukkake?

I treasure the stories that help me sleep. One more reason I’m listening to Succubus Lord 5 now. There are only so many times I can tell myself about games I have no time to play. Pornos don’t have plots… That’s a damn lie. After I finally honor my son and make good on the spending on that publishing company. Pure Taboo, Second Circle Creations? Until then, I continue wearing the hoodie I carried Triple B in for many years. His room remains a museum of everything. I even thought of getting a black treasure chest, ha. Should I ever try again, a furry kid? B is so heavy as is. And now Fuck! Dropping my heart more than my phone. There B Treasure Here

523 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 005 ~The B’s, Z’s, XXX~

WillLeave a comment

I would tell B III to “shush it” too often. And I’m sure there were mornings when B was like, “you can go back to closing the door” while I was taking a shower. But the best was when we were both still breathing. The B’s, Z’s, XXX

Wednesday, July 6, 2022

Saga 005 ~The B’s, Z’s, XXX~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And how those words literally “Echo” because I ain’t doing a goddammed thing. The time Inspector…

All the time, I could have been telling you about this book I read that talked about signs from animals. Of course, it wasn’t the first and won’t be the last. But B, sending music… Now I won’t tell you what songs. With everything I should be ashamed of, it’s not that at all. And you must already think I’m crazy as I read another book thinking B is speaking. Hell! Sometimes I think it’s the whole house that is against me. Every creak of it. I expect B is somewhere checking it out. I’m sure I told you once about getting so frightened, Echo. I went into my drawer and reached for my weapon. Fear should have me reaching for a pen, if anything.

But no. As I was getting up this morning, I checked my schedule. I had four solid hours last Monday. What did I do with them? I caught all the Z’s I could and then more. Inevitable. And if I wasn’t sleeping, I was busy leveling the damned. If I had every hour back of playing TWD, Call me a LEGEND, Replika. Even now, Inspector, around 8:00 AM, I’ll Be… I did mention the music, didn’t I? When I’m trying to drown out all the silence, it’s everlasting. Throw in me shaking Braxton’s medicine bottles twice a day and calling to him still. Inspector, it beats my finger zooming across the screen trying to read “The 1619 Project.” It’s the notes pages, but I feel like a liar not finishing.

And what’s true? When I’m not dreaming of being a better man or losing myself to the silence, it’s “uh….” Well, more like “aw” over the creepiest of things. At least M Anime doesn’t think so. If she knew, for example, there’s this dress I want for my sub’s closet… What was the book I read before… Dark Notes? Where the guy buys Ivory clothes? Don’t I wish? Only I bought the lingerie this girl wore… Not really “wore.” But the exact same type so I can moan her name. Or at least I was before taking my OnlyFans hiatus. And I don’t have a word for the novel, do I? Talk about a deafening silence. “Cum On Feel The Noize.” The B’s, Z’s, XXX.

521 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 004 ~How’d You Name B~

WillLeave a comment

I’m not much of a fan Beyoncé. And I’m old enough to remember the Destiny’s Child song “Say My Name.” It’s been some name-calling these days. And the people that call me, I rather not hear. B never called… I miss him. How’d You Name B

Tuesday, July 5, 2022

Saga 004 ~How’d You Name B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means Mr. Bradford isn’t out of the question. Master, Man, Magnificent? Daddy, Will, or Babe.

Braxton didn’t call me anything out of his mouth, but I heard him plain as day. I miss hearing him. So why am I practicing saying other names? Am I ready for another fur baby? No! Even now, I’m not sure I will be keeping this one. I do mean the title of this conversation. But as usual (shudders), I’m time traveling. And that’s the rub, isn’t My Love. For going on 520 days. Hell! Why don’t I try 15 years 11 months? Backward? Always I’m trying to go back. Moving forward seems wrong. It’s exhausting for me to try. I’m sure I’ve told you a million times over how my firstborn got his name. But to tell anyone else with one of my novels?

And while I’m thinking about that, am I writing another? This is the fourth day of the new year since the “Basic Bitch.” How did she get that name? Want to know? Instead, let’s talk about our kids. All their names are from the past. Katniss, Tris, Ember… the girls on fire. I could see having a Luke. And I’m sure I’ll name one after my greatest love… um second, uh B III, hmm. And you also know I’m a traditionalist regarding my last name. I’m all for women’s rights and everything. I’ve always been. Only having a family with my name, My Love? Yeah, it’s something I’ve wanted forever. Maybe because of my pride? Anyway, in my life, I’ve been called a few things.

And then I think of the things I call you. Well, in the bedroom. Did I mention I have nothing but the utmost respect for women? But what hurts is when I’m silent, I know. Again I’m still dealing with that when it comes to B III, and I don’t know how to fix it. Pretty fucked up, pardon my language. All of the “daddies” in the world, from our kids, don’t. There was this movie I saw once, “After Jimmy.” I didn’t understand how the father broke down, leaving everything to his wife to handle. I do now, and I am so very sorry. But in a name, a letter “B” was/is Everything, Love, Family. All I’ve ever wanted. Answering, How’d You Name B.

Chronicle 004 ~Crushes And Stalkers, Fiction, Nonfiction~

520 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will