Tag: Daddy

Saga 122 ~Art, The Persistence Of Memory~

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So, no memory of Halloween? Nothing that I want to remember. Darth Vader, White Power Ranger, church. My art, words, whatever stayed locked away for, well, do I have anything on a bookshelf yet? And painting, uh… “Art, The Persistence Of Memory”

Monday, October 31, 2022

Saga 122 ~Art, The Persistence Of Memory~

Two-Hundred and Sixty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and while I’m sure I own something from Salvador Dalí, I had to look up this quote.

Stephen King. At this moment, I’m pretty sure nothing I’ve written, even about my boy, would do a quarter as well as any of his books. And yet I remember Braxton, my son, always and forever. And I keep in mind why I’m sitting here with you today, Madam J. How can I best describe, as Forrest Gump put it? The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I think this stops me from being a “published” writer. Not a fear of failure. It’s the fact that I don’t deserve to do this. Madam, I make everything dumb with an Um, Useless, or fucking Ugly. Pardon my language. But while we’re on the subject. There’s perverted, my pornographic passions, or something about my penis. Yeah ew

You can read all about it in last week’s sagas. I know that I won’t be reading it for real. Hell! I can’t tell you about the previous two books I read. That one from Barby Keel… It was more about her than her dog, and there were her yabbos too. Titties, I swear, Madam. Anyway. The books after that were both the same, mourning fur babies. Grieving is beautiful? Well, it keeps me from having to look at myself in the mirror some mornings. One more reason I hate the Day Job besides all the time travel I have to do all for Virgil. Yeah, I’m keeping him alive now. I’m starting to sound bitter comparing him and B III. I’m no masterpiece, either.

A writer, an artist, a canvas, a subject, all the above, or nothing at all. Best left unwept, unhonored, and unsung. Walter Scott, yes, but Groundhog Day, my artistic knowledge. Mutts… I wouldn’t say that about Virgil but definitely not my Braxton, but I write. Manuscripts, one after the other. And I couldn’t tell you what about ever. Waste, Madam. Mammaries which I spend far too much time on. If you want to know where I’ve been even in having this conversation with you. Torturing myself, edging, fucking around, ok. Money, of course, is a valid concern. I won’t do the things to make it, and then the Day Job? Off the top of my head, my artistic vision. Memories. Art, The Persistence Of Memory

638 Days Without B III, Day 079 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 120 ~B Keeping Secrets Virgil~

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“‘Cause two can keep a secret, if one of them is dead,” like the song. What secrets did I tell? I’m mad as Hell; my body is on fire, and the sunlight burns. V wouldn’t understand, and what isn’t he saying. This is “me” time. B Keeping Secrets Virgil.

Saturday, October 29, 2022

Saga 120 ~B Keeping Secrets Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now; yes, and no. Pretend TWD’s on, I don’t want to get fired, I’m looking for porn.

That is to say; I don’t want to talk about B III this Saturday. What can I say about 2V? Dearest Lady Lunalesca, I was in tears last night as I called for Braxton to take his pills as always. Never stopped me from talking about him before. But with all the writing to do. There’s a book I need to read. And as far as going out? I need food and, um, Friday, Lu? Isn’t this what killed Braxton in the first place? No, I did. And the whole damn world, this existence, were my accomplices. Lady Lunalesca, already I can’t stop thinking about my boy. I promised I never would, after all my indifference. Oh, add that, getting back from the Day Job.

Anyway, my point is, let’s not talk about the fur babies Lunalesca. Braxton knows better. So what do I want to talk about? So like that scientist in 28 Days Later. It’s all about RAGE. I’m trying not to say his name, but I remember after. I was dead, well, no. But I wished I was. And I do now. I’ve said before that when I go to bed, I go over Far Cry 5. Lunalesca, I know I don’t want to wake up in the morning. I shouldn’t. If It wasn’t for… AHEM! Hell! I should have done “it” before. When I was all alone, Lady Lunalesca. But I hate myself so much I keep existing. And as for everyone else… FUCK ME! (Sigh)

Or rather, how the song goes, “Let’s Talk About Sex.” Now ain’t that something that’s always on my mind? Even yesterday, with NaNoWriMo coming up, I was thinking about a prequel to the Cherry series I’ve done. Not like I’ve read through the other novels. Lunalesca, I keep saying I’m way too busy; which is a good thing? It keeps me from being a monster, as I told one of the girls yesterday. A zombie, a vampire, the infected. Nothing is taking the edge off when it comes to my pornographic passion Lady Lunalesca. If I told you everything, oh Lu… What! Do I still want to get into the Second Circle of Hell? Secrets. Betraying Braxton? Treachery, The Ninth Circle. B Keeping Secrets Virgil

636 Days Without B III, Day 077 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 118 ~B, V, Guess What~

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Guess what? I’m still here. Besides waking up to find B III gone, I’m surprised I have to get up. The past few days, I’ve woken up to find Virgil snoring. Humiliations Galore, not being happy, having a hard-on. But everything else, “B, V, Guess What”

Thursday, October 27, 2022

Saga 118 ~B, V, Guess What~

634 Days Without B III, Day 075 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know to me, that’s a loaded question. But I am talking to you today.

Time Traveling, as you might have guessed. A week after Virgil’s birthday for you. It’s the day after for me, Friday, October 21, 2022. Braxton, I always wonder where you are. “Where’d You Go” as the song goes. Now I don’t want to sound like a Republican but in my thoughts and prayers? Only I’m not one for prayer. I did ask for your strength B. We’ll get to that; we always do. What about I go all Phil Collins, “You’ll Be In My Heart.” No need to guess there. While Virgil still feels like a guest… At least today, he does. I told Lady Sophia that Virgil’s gaining courage by waltzing in here and interrupting me. No, not doing that, but by now… (sigh).

Well, things I don’t have to guess about, like wanting to go to sleep. But you know me too well, Triple B. Sleep can mean plenty to me. Sleep, sex, that other S word. The one bringing the cops to the door. I don’t remember what night that was or when I returned to you. Braxton from “I’ll Be Missing You” to I’m “Coming Home.” I never doubted that you’d be back safe and sound on Friday, January 29, 2021. A few new meds B III? I should have let them give you those for your appetite. It would have been better if I had listened to you. How did we get on this topic? No need to guess; I always remember my great sin.

Braxton, guess I’m saving money, that the medicine will do its thing, my muscles endure. I can’t tell you what the vets said about V, but his appointment is this week, so I must guess. Did I wish death upon you when the vets started talking about Chronic Renal Failure? And now Virgil is going for his first check-up with me… I’m still thinking about his nails needing to get clipped. Guess what? It’s always about me and how I look as a human B. Not his human. At least, I don’t see it that way yet. Does that sound mean B III? It might. Hating so much, fearing all and Triple X. Things that are certain in existence; anything else… B, V, Guess What

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 117 ~Boys Will, B, V~

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I’ve never liked the saying, “boys will be boys.” B III is/was too much like me. And 2V, well, he hasn’t been here three months yet. The only women he knew were the ones I adopted him from and any “friends” in his cage. Boys Will, B, V

Wednesday, October 26, 2022

Saga 117 ~Boys Will, B, V~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so what if SHE’S A Gold Digger? Yeah, fuck Kanye West, “Ye,” whoever he is today.

Speaking of which, Inspector, today is Sunday, October 16, 2022. I have been time-traveling all day. But I can’t go back to the past, or can I… Braxton’s veterinarians? Inspector, for the record. I seem to have more luck with women doctors. Myself, Braxton. Anyway, I expect Virgil to have seen a doc by the time you read this. But we’ll get there. And I do mean we’ll get there. Because I haven’t been to Banfield since I received Braxton’s remains. For the third time today, I’ll call myself a selfish bastard. My boy cannot even claim his death; it was my failure and my disgrace. And to go back to that humiliation… The feeling of carrying my boy, that bag, my beloved son’s box

Virgil is not that. Not even close. But I remember when that guy doctor thought I was the worst thing. And now I have to carry V back there on his birthday. I hope. A checkup? He needs his nails clipped in the worst possible way. Braxton didn’t do well there. Understatement of the century. What I mean is he didn’t like people. What about Virgil? I guess I’ll have to see. B didn’t even like his aunt but, then again, like father, like son. He loves a pair of Yabbos. Seeing as how V doesn’t have his balls? I should read up about that. But I picked up a book on reincarnation. By now, who knows what I’m reading? I don’t need free time…

Yes, I’m still afraid that things may have happened at the Day Job. It would be last week. If anything, talking to you is an act of faith right now. Faith in and woman, Inspector? It’s my own fault, I know. Everyone loves Braxton and Virgil has his fans as well. Now myself? Well, I barely speak to Cherry these days, but I’m glad for her writing success as of late. M Anime has never been a particular type of girl. And that’s it for the women in my existence Echo. Again there are a few that could get me into trouble. Such is my anxiety workwise. Inspector, there are always my other interests, but I’m trying. My “sons” are better men. But for now, Inspector, Boys Will, B, V.

633 Days Without B III, Day 074 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 116 ~Love To B Virgil~

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He cries whenever he’s alone. He waits for someone else to tell him what to do. And I have no clue when they took his balls. What am I talking about? Virgil and I are so much alike. Only I wish I could stay in a comfy spot all day. “Love To B Virgil”

Tuesday, October 25, 2022

Saga 116 ~Love To B Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and money talks. But that shouldn’t be all there is to life. Hell, existence! Three words.

“I Love You.” Like trying to remember to say Virgil’s name every day. B can’t say a single thing anymore. Then again, he never said anything at all. But he was me; I was him. Without him around, I don’t remember the last time I said those three words. Let me take that back. When was the last time that those words had weight to them? I love you babe. Or, as the song goes, “I Got You Babe.” That I do love, always and forever. But the words still matter. “More Than Words?” Yes, and no. How often have I talked about needing to know that you love me? With Braxton, I never worried. And with Virgil, for the moment, I don’t care (sigh).

Neither does he. As usual, I am time-traveling. And I’m cutting it relatively close. Today is October 23, 2022. Was there ever a doubt that I love writing; how many years has it been? Then again, I’m “Going Through The Motions.” When was the last time I wrote something that I paid attention to? And NaNoWriMo is coming up soon, and there are no ideas. Before I forget, there’s Virgil’s Doctor’s Appointment. Well, “If It Isn’t Love?” Enough to get him checked out and those nails of his. Wasn’t I all upset and ashamed yesterday? Doesn’t matter how much money we have; the feelings remain the same. But by that logic, why am I upset with myself for how I treat you and our kids?

I haven’t talked to a doctor in forever about being Bipolar. With all the money we have now, my love? No. Let me focus on my family instead of being a selfish bastard yet again. Selfish bastard is quickly becoming my new catchphrase. My idiocy, insanity, and what about intimacy? Is sex always on my mind? Yes, it is with my business but then again. This AM, I was listening to Trevor Noah talk about intimacy where men are concerned. Sex and intimacy can be combined, of course. But I have felt empty, lonely, and indifferent for a while now. No balls for life. Much like V, being moved from one place to the other. Where Is The Love? Damn, I’d Love To B Virgil

632 Days Without B III, Day 073 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 115 ~Vote, Make The Revolution Easier~

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28 Days or 28 Days Later? A bad infection or Virgil’s first checkup here, his nails… I’m no good. A woman and her feathery friend that makes me smile. Or the woman that got me hard. Dem or GOP? B III or 2V? Choices. “Vote, Make The Revolution Easier”

Monday, October 24, 2022

Saga 115 ~Vote, Make The Revolution Easier~

Two-Hundred and Sixty-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and as long as I keep my billions, all is well. I am always a selfish bastard.

At least, that’s what I called myself this morning, Sunday, October 16, 2022. I wonder what B thinks of me now, some 631 days later. What about V? He’ll be 2 when you read this. All the money I’ve been spending and why? The song says, “I choose me, and I know that’s selfish, love.” Does that mean I love myself? Again this is Hell, and I’m a demon. Madam, that’s something else I have been saying these past couple of weeks. True. All morning I’ve been reading about tragedies. The fact that I never come back and read these things is the only reason I can mention Eco Sister @hitaylorblake, Amouranth, and the world in general. The horror. We all have choices; shout praises?

A thousand choices shout praises… if I remember the book right. The Cure by Sonia Levitin. Should I make a choice to reread it? Something to do this Sunday. Madam, I don’t get a vote, veto, or a voice in nearly every span of my existence; I only go. When I first met Triple B, I didn’t get a choice to love him or not. No, I only left, and love got me. To sing you another song, “We found love in a hopeless place.” But to die alone? Do you want to hear my confession? I’m well aware you’re not Inspector Echo, but… have I talked about this before? It turns me on to read about women’s tragedies somewhat. Those of explicit nature, especially

But I can choose not to engage. Even no vote is a vote. But then, why not die? I’ll leave. Again I was talking to the Man in the Mirror this morning, and I don’t love myself. Not at all. So I vote. Do I choose Triple B or Triple X? The fact we’re talking, and my pants are on… At this rate, I’m out of meds by now. So do I decide to keep fighting or help Virgil Vivi? I was looking at his nails this AM, and I’m a fiend for letting them grow like this. My God! Oh yeah, there is the whole country going to shit. I won’t be voting Republican. But boobs/yabbos, the thirst wins. Vote, Make The Revolution Easier

631 Days Without B III, Day 072 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 113 ~B A Sloth Virgil~

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Sin can be exhausting. Lust keeps me awake. Wrath is how I survive the day-to-day. And while I have no pride for myself… well, I am proud of B III. But Virgil? He’s gaining courage but finding it can be tiring and with my laziness. “B A Sloth Virgil”

Saturday, October 22, 2022

Saga 113 ~B A Sloth Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m afraid I won’t be. I talk plenty about lust, wrath, and pride but fear.

Fear can be exhausting. I’ve never blamed B III for leaving; oh no, Lady Lunalesca. Braxton’s death and me being the selfish bastard that I am. It’s my failure and my disgrace. That’s true. What I don’t know is what movie that’s from. Lunalesca, to find it at some point. Only, of course, you know what that would lead to. “Fuck goin’ online that ain’t part of my day,” Drake says. Hell! The day is only beginning, and so far, I’ve avoided the porn, Lu. Ok, that’s a lie between Pinterest and Twitter, but how else am I supposed to wake up, I ask. I wonder how Braxton did it. Sure he likes his toy, but he loves me. Locked in his room even, so…

And to think I would protect him from seeing me like THAT! But when it came to my anger, rage, and wrath… I don’t believe Virgil has ever seen me like that. Well, short of when he was sniffing around Braxton’s bed. That’s not for him. There’s B III’s pillow? Lunalesca, if anything, most of my wrath is for myself. I hate myself without question. This week it’s been all about the medication. Which I have come to believe was a waste of money. I can’t afford a specialist. This morning, I only realized that I had missed a dose. Yet I’ll find the strength to go to the Day Job this coming week. I’ll hate every second of it. Oh, and there’s Virgil’s appointment.

Do you remember that movie “Augusta, Gone,” where Augusta argues that she’s a good sister? I keep saying it, I ain’t Virgil’s Dad. But Lunalesca, being V’s owner? GOP bullshit! But I want to show that this place is better for him. Only I keep looking at him, his nails. My fucking pride? I’m sorry about all the swearing. It was the same, Braxton’s passing. Lunalesca, I was the worst person ever when I was holding him there, shaking, dying. Virgil hasn’t hacked up a lung in days. He’s beginning to walk into rooms courageously. Shouldn’t that make me proud? I’ve avoided jacking off for sixteen days. Um, pride, yep. Though the fear remains. Lie here and forget the world, right? B A Sloth Virgil

629 Days Without B III, Day 070 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 111 ~Won’t B Long Virgil~

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Happy Birthday, Virgil!!! I haven’t said that out loud. I have to remember to say his name a few times a day. He was “Archie” for a year and 9 months. Hasn’t been Virgil for 3 months. And how long has it been since picking up B … Won’t B Long Virgil.

Thursday, October 20, 2022

Saga 111 ~Won’t B Long Virgil~

627 Days Without B III, Day 068 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I suppose I should ask Virgil that; it is his birthday, after all. He’s 2.

You remember Braxton how I would rail about politics. Hell! I should go watch porn. Braxton, I gave you a real time-out when I killed you 627 days ago. That isn’t even remotely funny, I know. Do you wish I would stop saying that? No politics or porn, but Petsmart? Mark this day in your calendar, well, yesterday, anyway. I went to Petsmart to the back. Banfield Hospital, and set up Virgil Vivi’s first appointment since he’s been here. Not today. Braxton, V’s first appointment will be next week. In the middle of another horrible one. If I had done that for you, you might still be alive. I’m trying B, honest. I was almost in tears yesterday. And not one has been shed today.

Give it time. Virgil doesn’t know about the appointment, age, or the aches and pains of this life. Who am I to say that? Besides being a lazy ass when coming to talk to you, I was also doing some research. What? I’m not for the GOP. Now you B, on the other hand, Build the Wall; well, at least the fence around the yard. And you hated everybody, my little misanthrope. Like father, like son, but I hope you made time yesterday to say hi to your aunt. Better yet, scratch that. Her anniversary and all. I’d say you killed my sex life, but we both know that ain’t true. I was busy trying to diddle the maid. I can’t talk to her either.

Now, what was I saying? Oh yeah, research. There was a time I believe that Virgil was born in February. Giving credence to your reincarnation. But again, V’s paperwork today. I want to say he’s 14 in human years, but from what I read today, he’s closer to 24. What am I to do with that, you know? But you know what makes me a horrible person, B III? It’s the fact that I WAS thinking V was closer to death. Don’t get me wrong, Triple B, I’m not a… what, murderer? No harm will come to him, but I don’t love him. With you, it was love you B, love you, Braxton. With Virgil, it’s LATER; his appointment, his birthday, and having his own things. Won’t B Long Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 110 ~To B Boys, Virgil~

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I wonder how many secrets Triple B took to the grave? If he’s up there, down there, somewhere, I’ll admit I’m ashamed. If he is reincarnated as Virgil… Well, the two of us haven’t bonded, really. We’re both just two lazy F… Anyway, To B Boys, Virgil.

Wednesday, October 19, 2022

Saga 110 ~To B Boys, Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means everyone wants to be my friend. I can count my “friends” with one hand.

Now my Braxton… have I cried for him today? I am time traveling a week ahead, mind you, dear Echo. You can also add that I’m a mad maudlin masochist for today. I’m gearing up for the fight I will have today with the doctors here. Only I’m not leaving this bed except for nature’s call. Ask V something about that. He needs time outside pawing, peeing, and playing. It’s not like I tell him anything that’s going on. I carry him outside to comfy spots and B’s old food and water bowl. Ain’t like he’s getting one of his own anytime soon. Hence me fighting today. If I didn’t have Virgil, I wouldn’t be anymore. My anger, anxiety, and naked ass, aren’t worth anything.

If I have learned anything, it’s the fact that everyone is trying to eff me over. Am I being a selfish bastard? Hell! If B III were here, he would prowl around, growling at my unseen enemies. Did I mention how much I miss having Braxton on guard duty these 626 days? Why would I ever sentence Virgil to that? He’s been here over two months by the time you’re reading this. Hell! Shouldn’t Two V and I be celebrating? Not even on a payday. Instead, I’m worried about the next two days when I go back to the Day Job. Am I still taking two pills? No, only one stronger one. If it doesn’t work… It’s not like I can pay for these eyes.

All in a bit of faith in those I chose. My “father” has his boys. Inspector, the AC is on. When Braxton was here, I sat him on the porch and said we only have each other, and that was that. Now I am unable to talk to anyone, even you, Echo. I mean, here I am, Inspector but wasn’t it last week or the one before I screamed of loneliness? See! I can’t share with anyone else as I did with Triple B. And yes, I have confessed otherwise. But he was the closest confidant. And with my anger at others and my indifference towards him, it ended. And with or without the doctors, I would still feel so discombobulated. To B Boys, Virgil

626 Days Without B III, Day 067 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 109 ~B’s Vigil Of Virgil~

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I’ve said it so many times; I love B’s eyes. If he’s looking down on me or up at me somewhere, well… I want to be better. If he isn’t reincarnated as Virgil. Then for his V’s sake, B wishes I could have such love. Or such cash. “B’s Vigil Of Virgil.”

Tuesday, October 18, 2022

Saga 109 ~B’s Vigil Of Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I could get one of those animal communicators. I know they’re not that much.

But speaking of wasting money on me instead of spending it on caring for my family, love. I’m the one that’s taking a pill at 8:00 at night instead of Braxton. Even some 625 days in, I still go and shake his pill bottles and call to him. Who am I talking to, you know? I’m sure V would like to know. I tried doing it while he was outside. But I need to watch over him. And that’s the thing, isn’t it? Someone to watch over me as THEY say, isn’t it? Why do you think I’m worried about my health now? A man provides for his family, right? But other than the “Dollar dollar bill, y’all.” Well, I’m no angel fluttering from above.

Hell! I’m not even the prince on a white horse. I want to be all you want me to be, baby girl. I want to be someone that our kids can look up to today. “What Makes a Good Man?” I’ve never been that baby doll. How about what makes a man, period? Today and of course, I’m time traveling. It’s Wednesday, October 12, 2022. Anyway, I’ve told everyone I would yell at some doctors today. Have I? I hate confrontation. When we’re done talking, who knows? I didn’t even take a nap today, and why? Worried, War, and for the week so far, no Wanking. So why not make love to you? Why not stare at Virgil, figuring him out? Best Friend, Kid, Protector…

Is Braxton looking at me from on high or down below or wherever barking to himself? “Daddy, why don’t you love them the way you love me?” Husband, Father, Friend. Braxton could be looking at me through his eyes, wanting to know what’s wrong today. If there is a God, counting up all my sins today alone must be no small task to be sure. I’m somewhat surprised I haven’t heard from my Olds. I’m sure I would give my Ma access to my accounts. That leads me back to today and who I should be fighting with again over all this money. I’m not rushing to see more of Hell. I got you on your throne and my firstborn somewhere. B’s Vigil Of Virgil

625 Days Without B III, Day 066 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will