Tag: Daddy

Saga 180 ~Urge To B Virgil~

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Urge to write? It’s more like fear because today is going to be damn hard. And I could go all Marvin Gaye “When I get that feeling….” But the only thing I want to do now is puke and go to bed. The urge to live the boys did/do. “Urge To B Virgil”

Wednesday, December 28, 2022

Saga 180 ~Urge To B Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That means I’m not WOKE… I cry a lot, and I spend others’ money. I’m Virgil.

Inspector, I wonder if Virgil wants to be Virgil this second, which saddens me. Besides Braxton being gone and all. Of everything, I can say about my son. Survival? Braxton’s last look. I go back and forth with it, but today I’ll say B III wanted to live Echo. Ironic that I am the same way. But we’ll get to that. You know I’m one for physical pain over any mental anguish. Take today, for example, Tuesday, December 27, 2022. I’ve wanted to puke most of the day because I am so humiliated about the car. Hell! I barely made it to the auto shop before the wheel gave out. And now, today/tomorrow, you know what I’m going to do. Day Job’s Humiliations Galore incoming.

Because the urge to live… Not want or need but the notion. And you know it’s one I should ignore. I didn’t Monday. And today, as the world crumbled, I had to get pretty STUPID. More like perverted? Because I don’t want to think with a big head. Bigger head? Inspector Echo, was that a dick joke? I wish I were only making jokes about it but this fucked up day. Well, this whole fucked up year. I’m going broke. But no, not my cock. And an urge to release. Obsession is more like it. I should find out when I stopped before, but that was before Braxton died, and afterward, it was like 161 days. 559 days later, I had to cover up again.

Only Virgil sleeps in B’s Room plenty. Today it was all about survival, then masturbation. I haven’t even cum in a few days, but I only want to sleep. I don’t mean taking some naps. As I said, I was surviving today. More like I didn’t want the humiliation of dying on the road. I swear, Inspector Echo if Virgil weren’t here right now… But he is so Doordash, anyone? I can’t have Virgil Vivi starving, so I ordered a bag of food for him. Myself? I seemed to have lost my appetite. An urge to, well… should I say it? Inspector, you’ll see this tomorrow, so don’t you fret. Unless I get lucky, the alarms fail. Then curse the day. Urge To B Virgil

696 Days Without B III, Day 137 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 179 ~ Virgil’s Holidays To B~

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You wake up, and your cat… dog in my case. Your son, a future, isn’t there anymore. I tell myself that tomorrow will be “better.” People look forward to this time of year. For me, Jan 31, Feb 13, Aug 13, Sept 7, Oct 20, etc. “Virgil’s Holidays To B.”

Tuesday, December 27, 2022

Saga 179 ~Virgil’s Holidays To B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there’s always tomorrow. Yeah, I can take off in my rocket ship. Get perspective…

I’ve been thinking a lot about “The Great De-evolution” series. In particular, “The Last Astronaut” and “A Different Alchemy.” One man running away from the death of his fur-baby. And the other, from the death of his child. Pray tell, how do I relate, (snickers). Besides this one fact. Writing my own books kept me away from Braxton Barks Bradford. Because there was always tomorrow. Sacrifice today for tomorrow’s benefit. But as the song goes, “You wake up one morning, and half your life is gone.” Or fifteen years, love. I thought Braxton would give me twenty. But that’s thinking too small. Here’s forever. Isn’t that what we are, my love? We got our kids though I still need to figure out Virgil. Being mean?

What! I bought him a gift, and honest to “God” I’ve been trying. But there is always tomorrow. For now, I need some sleep. I know it’s getting worse. One man went to space while the other headed north. And another thing about those men. They left their families. They didn’t see a future in the world. Is that what I’m saying? Why bother trying? That one day, B III will be gone for good. Hell! If I could be so lucky as to drop dead, then. I’m sure our children will think that of me in their teenage years. I want to be here for that. So am I seeing more time with them, with you? Memories with Braxton. Oh, and Virgil Vivi too.

Again yesterday, I was looking at books for “The Closing of the Year.” Not as many as last year, but there is always tomorrow. But what if there’s not? How long do I expect you, my Mrs. Claus, to keep waiting? Santa spends his whole year preparing. One big day. What about ours, my love? They have been different since Braxton, I know. Forgetful? Now you know that ain’t true. Part of me stays glued to that spot on Sunday, January 31, 2021. And then a part of me wants to be like those other fathers running away, love. Billionaires can buy rocket ships and tanks, so why not go all “The Tomorrow War?” Buy us a time machine? Yours and Virgil’s holidays… I’m so sorry. Virgil’s Holidays To B

695 Days Without B III, Day 136 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 178 ~Everyone Lies Without Any Exceptions~

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The alarm goes off to work at a Day Job I hate, to see people I despise, so I can continue deviant, sinful, skeevy behaviors. And then I have a son/dog to mourn and a “friend”/dog to support. I’m a good liar, but Everyone Lies Without Any Exceptions.

Monday, December 26, 2022

Saga 178 ~Everyone Lies Without Any Exceptions~

Two-Hundred and Seventy-Second Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now… that makes me a pretty big motherfucking liar. Pardon my French. That explains why I hate myself.

And yes, I will hate myself more. It’s all just icing on the cake with my big sin Madam J. The one thing that I never lie about. I killed my son. B III’s blood is on my hands always. And sure, with my time traveling and all. It’s 3:30 in the afternoon on Christmas day, so you know what that means about tomorrow. Hell! I could tell you about the liars I’m going to see. But what good would it do? To quote a Christmas film, “Scrape ’em off. You wanna save somebody? Save yourself!” Yes, I’m using that out of context. It’s practice. Madam, if anything, I need to become a better liar. The things I told my son. What I tell Virgil.

Well, not yet. By the time you read this, it will have been 135 days. But do you see any women walking around here? Only you on the page and perhaps in one Christmas gift. Relax, Madam, the money was already spent on an artist, Opiumud, and the porn “Bounty Hustler Queen rush!” Talk about something to do at Christmas. I still want a family? One of the things M Anime likes about me is I don’t lie to her. I’m like every other guy. That means, of course, I do. But I try to tell her how it is short of becoming Akon or Wheeler. I Wanna Fuck You, or God Told Me To Fuck You. With women, I need to be a “gentleman.”

Which is why I would both excel and fuck up being a member of the GOP. Oh, I can lie, J. The thing is, I own that shit. You notice I don’t say my bed, food, money or anything J. Madam, you want to know what I own, what’s mine? FEAR! I’m afraid of everything, everyone, every day, always. And the fact that I bother getting up in the morning means I lie constantly. So why do I want to sleep all day? Because I can’t stand a liar Madam. The lies get bigger, and so do the people that tell them. But B III and 2V? They don’t lie. And Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime, and Cherry… to be real. Everyone Lies Without Any Exceptions.

694 Days Without B III, Day 135 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 176 ~To B Leave Virgil…~

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If I didn’t know better, I’d be all, “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” Um, the only Christmas colors I’ve seen have been on “book” covers. And the toys I got the boys Friday, no holiday tags. But V sees a day I’m still here, and B… “To B Leave Virgil…”

Saturday, December 24, 2022

Saga 176 ~To B Leave Virgil…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That… is a miracle. And miracles is the way things ought to be.” Especially tonight, right?

I wonder how Virgil feels about that. Day 133 for him here. Most having been spent waking up in the dead center of the bed. Terrible choice of words considering for the past 692 days, Braxton has been beside me in a box. Where is “my” positivity, Lady Lunalesca? The only boxes there should be are the ones under the tree. That is if I had bought a tree. The car sounds that way, creaking like I’m carrying goodies galore. Or car sex, whatever, ha-ha. Lady Lu, I should be grateful I kept my word Friday. There are gifts for the boys and breakfast. Well, minus hash browns. But pancakes, sausage, and bacon. And didn’t I say I’m not going out again… on Christmas Eve.

If Virgil knew the “man,” I was on December 2020. I could go back and look… Ok, so that was a mistake eww. But what has changed, Lu? I looked up Angie Griffin, “Cindy Who.” This evening I’ll continue reading “XL Candy Cane.” I was getting to the good part where the “princess” was about to suck on the candy cane.” Lunalesca it’s inevitable. Today ain’t the time. But again, Gospel 176 ~ Will’s Christmas List IV.~ Didn’t mention B. Anyway, as I was saying, I’ll read and then I have to find something other than breakfast food. Braxton and I would watch the Official NORAD Tracks Santa. Memories Lunalesca. Hell! Tonight is the second night of the year. I wake up at 7AM. snickers

I haven’t been time traveling as usual because I don’t have to face Humiliations Galore. But after Christmas? Only Virgil believes that every day as the song goes, “Every Day Will Be Like a Holiday.” That’s one thing he shares with Braxton. Faith misplaced Lunalesca. Much like my Braxton’s. And as for my own, at the moment, there is none. Santa, Satan, Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll. “Give me something to believe in.” Is that you, Lu, and this? Chronicle 174 ~B Come Home For.” How I want to believe Lunalesca, as Virgil does. That may be his first gift to me, his first lesson. Yet, he’s still young. Two years but with me… They’ll be no Merry Christmas. But, To B Leave Virgil…

692 Days Without B III, Day 133 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 174 ~They’ll B Presents, Virgil~

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I’ll have to head to the grocery store because my favorite Chinese place closed down, and it was the only place open on Christmas. But still, B and I would have a pancake breakfast. And he got a present though he’s gone. They’ll B Presents, Virgil

Thursday, December 22, 2022

Saga 174 ~They’ll B Presents, Virgil~

690 Days Without B III, Day 131 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Yesterday I had to apologize to Virgil for asking you. As for my days, Braxton…

Well, I hate to lie? I didn’t lie to you “In The End,” which is why you ain’t here, Braxton. You never asked for a gift, but if I could get you anything… I’d never mention you leaving me ever again? Like I said, B, I don’t like to lie. Another reason masturbation sucks TMI. It leaves my mind way too clear when I’m not thinking about brunette bazongas. Bucks! All I want for Christmas, Braxton, besides my best friend back. You didn’t show up for the last one, B III. Do I need to cry now? Well, the answer is yes. “Love And Happiness?” No, that would be me being selfish? But Virgil could use some comfort and joy, a dog toy? Uh, money…

And you don’t know how hard it is not to look. A distraction to not talk to you today, B. I’m trying to figure out how many fries I can buy with the slave wage from the Day Job this week. You would figure as long as we’re together, Braxton. But fast food doesn’t hurt? That’s what I was talking to Inspector E about yesterday. Being present and, um, present. Virgil is upstairs because I couldn’t stand being in bed a moment longer… That’s funny. Anyway, I need to go to the store and get laundry detergent. Oh yeah, sustenance… Breakfast is one of our Christmas traditions, isn’t it B? Did I do it last year? This is the second Christmas without you, my friend.

Hell! I even bought you a present last year; I know that. One more thing to add to the list. I’d tell you how much money I had to spend but if M Anime keeps up with our chats… Yeah, I know you had your heart set on your Aunt Carolina. I ask that you go and check up on her and say hi to the fur babies she has also lost. Don’t give her man any static, please. I’m sure there’s plenty of room on her bazongas. I promise not to purchase bazongas. How many promises have I broken this week? Have you kept Virgil Vivi company, B? Pancake? Yes, there will be pancakes or maybe waffles on Christmas? Gifts? They’ll B Presents, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 173 ~ Braxton’s Orders, Virgil’s Order~

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Your wish is my command… especially when pretty girls and my son are involved. But these people giving me orders nowadays. Or the stuff I’m ordering from Amazon. And I’ve taken a look around this place lately. “Braxton’s Orders, Virgil’s Order.”

Wednesday, December 21, 2022

Saga 173 ~ Braxton’s Orders, Virgil’s Order~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And nobody orders billionaires to save the world. No! Rely on the charity of the poor.

Well, aren’t I in the Christmas spirit? There’s only one “spirit” I’m concerned with, as always. And that’s my son’s. Braxton shows up at the weirdest times and places, Echo. Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie? And neither is Terminator 2: Judgment Day. But Inspector, here we are, with me thinking of one line in particular. From John to machine. “I order you not to go. I order you not to go! I ORDER YOU NOT TO GO!” These words. I never spoke them to Braxton but unlike anyone in my existence. My Braxton understood. He would have fought forever and a day if I hadn’t done what I did. That’s love Echo, I know. All the rules I made for him but to obey…

A man chooses, a slave obeys, as Andrew Ryan said. What did that make Braxton? To this day, he is the best “man” I have ever known. And now I look at Virgil Vivi, Inspector. Again, I can’t say I’ve done any training with V. And does he listen to me at all? He stops when I tell him to… for the most part. What does he know about the world, Echo? He was a year and nine months when I met him. Braxton didn’t have any fears. But Virgil, my… no. He’s not my second-born. Hell! It was only this afternoon Inspector. Yes, I forgot his name. Yes, I suffered “Humiliations Galore” and the Day Job. And I fucked up my streak, Leana Lovings.

Yeah, the only time I give any orders or feel any order in this existence is in the bedroom Echo. But it just goes to show hard today has been. Inspector, I always imagine worse. Which, of course, leads me back to my son and the other one living here now. I didn’t even bother to order nacho fries for him. Too concerned with my belly and pleasures always. “‘Order is heaven’s first law.” And even now, with the holiday season, do you see this place as Heaven? I can’t order myself to be happy. And if only B were here. I could be better? Inspector, is that what Braxton was saying, don’t go with him. Die. This Christmas… give orders. Braxton’s Orders, Virgil’s Order

689 Days Without B III, Day 130 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 172 ~B Present For Virgil~

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I only remember my Ma putting up the Christmas tree. And as far as presents, well, good and bad memories. But the love? That shouldn’t be a one-day thing, but Virgil’s been here for 129 days. As the song goes, “do you love me?” “B Present For Virgil”

Tuesday, December 20, 2022

Saga 172 ~B Present For Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But even with more money than Jesus… “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus” ha-ha. Um…

With all this money, that’s not what Christmas is about, is it? Am I really going to talk about Christmas? One day out of the year, when I seek joy, peace, and love daily. Hell! When did I know I loved my son? Our two-legged children, but let me talk about my firstborn, Braxton Barks Bradford. This is my second Christmas without him here. Love, if there is any consolation, Christmas is only one more day. Now don’t talk to me on January 31, but Christmas? B’s an afterthought at best. And then ask me about Virgil Vivi. Have I even thought about getting him a gift for the holidays? The money spent on 2V? He wants a present? Today he did have my concern.

Always. It’s what I give all my friends. My attention doesn’t amount to anything. Only I want to do better. Still, I am my “father’s” son. Money, Money, Money. And as the song goes, “money can’t buy me love.” What else do I have, though? It’s been my problem. I care for so much, my love. I guess that’s a good sign, right? It ain’t Christmas, but I care. Yet I have my friends that I haven’t asked about in forever. Or my ass has an ulterior motive even though my heart is in the right place… Oh, it’s outside B III’s pine box? That was mean, but again, my problem. I’m present in that room watching Braxton die. Santa Claus ain’t bringing him back.

But that’s who I am now, on top of being a husband, daddy, writer, business owner, and everything. And I must be under that tree, light those candles, or whatever else. The holidays, bah humbug. I don’t want the kids to hear me say that. And all the things I should utter… Because money ain’t cutting it. I can tell you and the children I love you every day, and I mean it. Why doesn’t it seem to be enough, though? A lesson learned from my Braxton. Several, in fact. He didn’t need words; it was the action always. It’s Only Love. So I ran outside looking for Virgil, and there was fear until I found him running to me. One day, for you, family, business; B Present For Virgil.

688 Days Without B III, Day 129 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 171 ~I Dare You To Fail~

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I don’t fear failure. No, my problem is I hate living. People fail at life, including me, daily. It’s exhausting. But failure? How many NaNoWriMo’s have I done to fail one or Kindle Reading Challenges. Hell! Keeping my pants on. “I Dare You To Fail.”

Monday, December 19, 2022

Saga 171 ~I Dare You To Fail~

Two-Hundred and Seventy-First Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Hell! I say that like it’s my middle name, much like murderer, pervert, and yeah, even failure.

Where do I begin? Nine times out of ten, it’s with my son. I failed to save him when he needed me most. You’re getting sick of me saying that. AHEM, Day 687, and counting. And while I’m focused on today, I failed to wake up on time. Oh, I rose on time but went right back to sleep. When it comes to the Day Job, yep, I was up on time, no doubt. Then while I was there, I failed to escape Humiliations Galore for God knows how many days. And as always, I failed to be the man Braxton thinks I am. And that’s a good Dad. But if you need some optimism, Madam, I failed to join him wherever he now resides.

Must be some comfy spot because he still hasn’t come back. And Virgil? More optimism. I keep trying, but Enabran Tain was a better “father” to Garak. He trained Garak… Madam, that’s some Star Trek: Deep Space Nine for you. To be one of those people who loves TV and things. I hope I’m not so terrible. But then again, I fail loving, the truth. Madam, do you dare me to tell the truth, or is that one more thing I would fail at? What is the truth, you ask? I could tell you everything, and what would that lead to? It would show my entire life has been a failure. But that’s where this rule comes from. Listening to Eric Thomas many years ago.

I dare you to fail is I dare you to live. And despite everything, I still get up. Never willingly. Unless we’re talking about my addiction, which shows I have gotten past one day of keeping my cock in my pants. But for how much longer? Masturbating… this man’s failure. Madam, that’s less embarrassing than talking to myself. I would do that even before B. When he was around, at least I appeared less crazy. And then, when he left, it was the silence, Madam. It was like I could hear B’s voice but V’s. Only when he’s crying, Madam. But Virgil’s trying too. Fur-babies don’t fail; that’s people. Don’t let me be a failure. Is it up to me? I Dare You To Fail

687 Days Without B III, Day 128 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 169 ~Powers That B, Virgil~

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Didn’t think I’d go all “Colors of The Wind.” But I did go to see Avatar: The Way of Water. There’s Ice-T’s “Colors.” Today, I’m blue, trying not to look at Tifa’s red eyes or V’s white fur. To lose myself in the “blackness.” “Powers That B, Virgil.”

Saturday, December 17, 2022

Saga 169 ~Powers That B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means, as the song goes, “I’ve got the power (power, power).” But not this morning.

If anything, I’m an emotional motherfucker. A little bitch. My apologies for the language Lu. It’s either this or just screaming into a pillow. Well, there is more. Last night, I thought I would easily trade Mental Anguish for Physical Harm. Self-harming doesn’t suit me…

I’m blue. And not in a “Da ba dee da ba di” way, Lady Lunalesca. Is it about my boy, my son Braxton? I can’t deny that. I had a dream my right ear was blue and rotting away. I have no more money for docs this year. Though last night I did see Avatar: The Way of Water. No, I’m not seeing red. Not about that anyway. Anytime I see red… There are reasons red and black are standards.

My battle standard, to be specific. Yesterday I told Lady Sophia that words have power. But colors Lady Lunalesca. Wasn’t Braxton, well, all fur-babies colorblind?

I’m not going to go all teacher’s pet and brown nose, falling down the Internet rabbit hole today. If I want brown, tan… beige, I would instead think of my son. Virgil ain’t Braxton. That’s becoming as common a term as I killed B III and 2V in his white fluff, is what? A ghost haunting me? V’s snow… how cold we are. I’m a snowman. I mean feelings, Lu. Only I rather die than talk to my “father.” I got a text last night from him, and went yellow. Lunalesca, I’ll turn the colors into a series. Red, Black

Lu, allow me to try and keep my “word” and give you a few reasons I pick these two shades.

When I said red, it wasn’t my RAGE that popped up. No, it was worse… it was LUST—Tifa Lockhart’s red eyes. There’s also Cherry’s red lips that match her name. Bloody Hell. There’s the chain I wear of me and B III. Me in my red hoody. Despite it all, there’s RAGE. And so I live in the black, in the darkness, hoping no one can see. B died in the light. Lunalesca, my sexual exploits I keep in the blackness as do most… Internet diving. Lunalesca, I did not know I’d go so far today. Words and now Colors, Powers That B, Virgil.

685 Days Without B III, Day 126 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 167 ~Virgil, B Not Proud~

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I on what my grandma said about “my pride.” What do I know about that? If anything, I am proud of my son. Eff my pride to keep him safe… What’s ironic is losing pride in existence, about everything, Day Job, etc. Got him killed. “Virgil, B Not Proud”

Thursday, December 15, 2022

Saga 167 ~Virgil, B Not Proud~

683 Days Without B III, Day 124 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? With how I feel right now… And on the understanding “He Lives In You.” You

Well, I feel like shit. And so I’m sorry, B. Yesterday and today haven’t been my proudest moments. As if I have many of those to talk about. I did finish reading another book, B. That’s if you need me to be proud of something. Today though, I’m pretty disgusted. Here I am, gorging on tacos, and I don’t do soft tacos well. You’d usually cuddle me, B III, especially if I were only sick of the Day Job and my Humiliations Galore in that place. As if you need to be reminded of my hate for the place that garnered my indifference towards you. Besides my cowardice and lack of balls. I’d spilled them over… not Reagan Kathryn, Cherry, or Mandy Rose… Jennifer Lawrence

A solid week down the drain and probably TMI for you, Triple B. You remember getting all X-rated with your toys and over your Aunt’s Boobs. Our conversation before, Braxton. I’m sure Virgil wishes I would get his name right. Or maybe he doesn’t even care anymore. As I was leaving today, there was no barking or crying. He went face-first into your food dish. While I was sharing nacho fries with him, he nearly took some fingers. I should be training him. But, of course, he’s hiding out in your room. There’s no gate and no lock. Virgil’s free to come out and play, but he doesn’t. I can’t blame him. And yeah, I’m not going there to get him, either. Just In Case

What! I want to jerk off again… I swear, sometimes I “prayed” you’d do something so that I could lock you in your room for a while. B, when you look at me now from wherever… You’re in a book that I’m doing absolutely nothing with. I meant to take a nap this afternoon, but there was a fear I had to contend with. Oh, there were more books to buy B. All the money in the world for titles, titties, and Times Like These makes me disgusting. Only you never looked at me like that, B III. And 2V doesn’t look at me at all. Not really. Then again, he’s not my son, and I for sure ain’t his Dad. But am I trying, Braxton? Virgil, B Not Proud

Always and Forever,
Your Dad