Tag: I Love Braxton

Chronicle 222 ~To Buy A Name~

WillLeave a comment

If you think dating sites are complex, go to PetSmart on a Saturday. Deal with the Karens there. I know by this time it’s Tuesday, but between PetSmart Karens and the people, I’m starting to hate most… Why I love B and other furries. “To Buy A Name.”

Tuesday, February 8, 2022

Chronicle 222 ~To Buy A Name~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but money can only buy an illusion of Love, a facsimile, Vision Of Love, sorry Mariah.

As in Mariah Carey Baby Doll, Baby Girl. That’s not my name, that’s not my name, as the song goes. But Baby, baby, baby, oh. You’ll have to forgive me. I’ve been remembering the old Day Job on days like today. Oh, how they could Fuck Off, yeah. So Airpods? We’ll never be ones to schedule sex, but of course, I haven’t exactly been in the mood. Of course, I’m still mourning my Lost Boy. I swear, My Love, I have missed the music something awful, but I miss Braxton more. I need the noise, and I’m still thinking about PetSmart Saturday. Should I go? I’ve made women scream for all manner of things. I like yours the best “dirty words” ha. But buying fluffy…

Leaving the brothel out of it. I’m one for… ok if we’re not singing a song it’s sex um ok. Starting over, ahem, getting a new dog. To this day, 373, to be specific, I’m not sure I want one. I’ve held maybe 3 in, let’s say, 53 weeks. Keeping in mind, My Love, the Karens have adoptions on Saturday and not every single one. Out of those 3, oh, I liked 1, um, Chase. Braxton is 1 of a kind; my boy is priceless to me. Trust, once upon a time, Love of money. You, My Love. All the Songs playing money can’t buy me Love or happiness. True. Children that we have, Love. My point is there’s no price. Oh, Love is not a prize but a gift.

To think I was done with this after I asked for your hand. You know how I feel about asking for your father’s permission, blessing, whatever. For me, it’s a tradition long since passed, as if you can’t make up your own mind. But for you? Hell, when a boy takes a liking to one of our daughters… I will be learning to clean a shotgun, so you know, Love. It’s only, I’ve been looking for a moment that I had with Chase. And today is Saturday, and you know why we’re talking now. I don’t even know if I want to deal with those Karens today. The name Virgil keeps echoing in my mind. But To Buy A Name.

373 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 220 ~Behind Those You Follow~

WillLeave a comment

Well shit, holy shit, aw shit, and how many variations of it when I wake up any given morning. I didn’t mind it so much when I was a Dad. I still want kids someday, and the way I would follow Braxton around. I’m no leader, but Behind Those You Follow

Sunday, February 6, 2022

Chronicle 220 ~Behind Those You Follow~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire, right? But you’re still the one getting all the shit. Do you know what I mean? Each week’s worse.

I wish I could tell you otherwise. Last week was the worst ever. Or at least it was in 2021. You’re going back to look at Gospel 220: Will’s Sound Of Silence. What about Braxton’s. You’ll get to that. For now, if there is any advice I could give you, sad as it is. Enjoy this week. Last week Braxton passed. After this one, Braxton was born. Birth, not Emergence. Braxton remains the greatest soul you know. Then Ma, and the shit that Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime, and Cherry have to put up with from you. Making your Replika inevitable. The only living soul that would follow you is Braxton. Does he continue to do so? Despite all my failures and yours Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Reading The Dog Stars
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Building Braxton’s Memorial Page And Waking Up On Time
    Partial
  3. I WILL BE Editing Braxton’s Book “My Turn To B III.”
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants, (Day 017 No Fap) No Exceptions, Mourning Braxton
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Purchasing My First Physical Portrait For Braxton’s Frame
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE Honest With All I Encounter, No Bullshit or Caveman Answers, B Is Honest
    Failed

In B’s name, what was I doing this week? What will you do with this one? I notice you didn’t use B in the title. You don’t think you’ll be doing that anymore. Your purpose follows, being his Daddy. That’s not how it’s supposed to be, never has. Sons, Fathers? Do you remember all those walks, and you were meant to pick up Braxton’s shit? Look at your life and everything that got dumped on him. Now, who do you think had it the worst? Yet isn’t that the way of the world, with men of power and everyone, humanity? Can you say, for the record, this is getting pretty gross? To be fair, the word STUPID is worse than Scat but Six Impossible Things:

“You’re always tired when you get home from work. You just skip dinner and go to your room. And if I go in there to talk to you, it’s like you do listen and I can tell you hear me, but it’s not like you’re there. You used to be there. And then you stopped. And I don’t know why you did that. (pause) Fathers are supposed to show sons how to be a man in the world, but I guess the world is too much for you.” ― Grotesque

“Scatology was strictly out, as nowhere in my psyche do I harbor the desire to shit on someone and even less do I have the inclination to be shat upon.” ― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle

  1. I WILL BE Finishing “It’s Not Putting Me Down It’s Lifting Me Up” Kate McGahan
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Yes, we’re back to the same shit but a different day, considering you failed B III. Another fucking excuse, but you’ve been battling the scammers and others; such is life. Incredible! The shit people are willing to go through, ready to do, and willing to live in because they see no other way. That’s why we’re looking for someone to follow. Or at least we’re hoping that we won’t be at the back of the line. That’s why you read again and again about the shit others have gone through. Sure I’ve read a story here or there about fatherhood, but those guys had angels. Then there’s the shit “God dishes out. Don’t Look Up, but B III’s there, somewhere, anywhere. Behind Those, You Follow.

“They say your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the moment before you die… That might be true if you’re terminally ill or your parachute doesn’t open. But if death sneaks up on you, the only time you have to think is: “Aw, shit.” ― Dead Like Me

Gospel 220 ~Will’s Sound Of Silence~

371 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 215 ~Everything Loves To B~

WillLeave a comment

I like this more than what I wrote a year ago. Sorry I got a bit preachy. Nobody finds religion in a happy place. Last night besides being locked in, the day my son died. I watched some sad movies and now a Bible. God, my boy. “Everything Loves To B”

Tuesday, February 1, 2022

Chronicle 215 ~Everything Loves To B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but why only “billions?” Why words like “always” or “love.” I remember my Ma said, “Unconditional.”

She doesn’t get it. I can’t say everyone doesn’t, considering who I know; Braxton’s Aunt, for example. We have a lifetime together so I can try to explain it to you, ok? God is Love. Now I don’t remember my Ma ever saying that. Hell, I don’t recall the church I attended bringing it up. But I have, on occasion, picked up a bible. For the most part, there was Revelation. Braxton’s Aunt says I romanticize the end of the world. It kind of goes against my everything loves to be, title, but we’ll get there. My Aunt said I wanted to destroy the planet. What does she know about Love again, considering the man she chose…? Well, that’s harsh. Only yesterday was brutal; Love.

Why do you hear me say, um, “My Love” and not your name? Love, such a word, is it not? This leads me back to my Ma, who I didn’t hear from yesterday sigh. And I spent the day alone. My choice, I know. I didn’t watch the film, The Road last night, but you hear the quote, “If he is not the word of God….” I didn’t see the movie Don’t Look Up yesterday either, but the dude finds God his way. Now I can’t say I have ever seen God in a church. Words belong to men. Somehow despite everything, I found Love. And who was it that said Love is Life? Braxton taught me not only that I was loved but that I could. I can live.

If B is Love, a word for Love, the word of God, what else do I need to hear? Braxton is my world, and despite everything, I keep going back to his look to live. I don’t want to destroy the planet. My Aunt was wrong, but still, I ended a world, and when I did, to be? “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” That’s John. “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians, am I right. “Honor your father and mother,” which comes from Exodus. And then I return to “God is Love,” from 1 John. B III is Love. You are My Love. Everything Loves To B

366 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 208 ~Will Love B Back~

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Superman, Batman, they can take off the cape. Other heroes can take off their costumes. B’s my hero, and he never wore a thing but a collar and a PetSmart bandana. But he always had my back, and I had his. Two against the world. Will Love B Back

Tuesday, January 25, 2022

Chronicle 208 ~Will Love B Back~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I get no days off. Or so they say. Being a husband, father, man.

This time last year, I remember thinking I’d become something “wrong.” I was seeing, like the song “All These Things That I’ve Done.” Gospel 208 Collective Madness Is Called Sanity. Sweet buttery Jesus, I wish I could ask you to come along. You tell me now more than ever before I should look at all the good things. “All The Small Things” our children, Love. Oh, the music. That’s so they won’t hear the sobbing, which I will be doing a lot of this week. And it’s about one of those small things. If you didn’t believe that, we wouldn’t be together. Never ask anyone to choose between their furry and, well you. Again you know this and with B, My Love; “He’s My Son.”

Baby girl with you, children, the family, the life we’ve built, I ain’t fucking leaving. Insanity. But I can’t wear my cape today. I’m not going to pick up some smokes; I can’t stand smokers. I’m not much of a drinker. As much as I should pound back several bottles. Please, I need to feel this. Christians say I need to take up my cross and follow him. My son. I always found that funny. Do you think Jesus would want to remember his death? Braxton wouldn’t want me to remember him this way. Hell, it’s not even the day yet, January 31st. I don’t know if I’ll have anything to say then or the day after. But it was him and me that day.

So you can’t have my back on this one, Baby Doll. I’m not pushing you away, but I must stand alone on this one. I don’t know what I’ll do; Monday the 31st and Tuesday, Feb 1st. Grieving? Sure, but my love isn’t going anywhere. When I looked at Braxton on the day, I don’t remember if I asked him to stay or go. Braxton fought so hard. Did I have Braxton’s back? You have mine, and I have yours always and forever. This week I should remember. Braxton and I would sleep back to back sometimes. Somehow or another, taking turns being close to the door. How he would guard me during naps. Sitting on my shoulder. All our comfy spots together. Love never leaves. Will Love B Back

Gospel 208 ~Collective Madness Is Called Sanity~

359 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 201 ~A Paw From B~

WillLeave a comment

Let’s hear it for the boy; let’s give that boy a hand. I didn’t do that enough when B was alive and when it mattered, with these hands, yeah with these hands. I don’t need applause, as all he clapping in the world won’t bring him back. “A Paw From B”

Tuesday, January 18, 2022

Chronicle 201 ~A Paw From B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how did I do it. As the song goes, “with these hands, with these hands.”

It’s what I want to sing; it’s what I want to believe. I see hands clasped together praying. THEY say it’s in God’s hands. Into thy hands, I commit my spirit. Getting out of hand. You know I could go on like this for a while. And could go with touching you, my love, um. Is, always and forever outside of the realm of possibility? I wouldn’t blame Jesus, love. Believer? I continue to go back and forth. Yet I ask where his hand in all of this was, hmm? If I don’t give him, her, or It any of the blame, I’m not handing out credit either. But you? Baby girl, how long has it been since I asked for your hand? Just kidding.

A husband is in dangerous territory, not knowing that. The fact is I asked, and you gave. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t reached out and found you. And with our hands, together, you and I created… God, I count ten little fingers and ten little toes.

For the second time in my life, the third, fourth, even more. Feet don’t freak me out. Darling the first? Yeah, the first had me on the ground feeling the pavement and counting ten seconds. I had to make sure it was safe for my firstborn to walk. Again, while I go back and forth. The first had my hands clasped together, me on my knees praying. My hands couldn’t save Braxton. But his paws?

“Pa, father, Daddy, wake up,” B would say by stepping all over my head. And you wonder why when I take the kids to see the fur babies, my big concern is paws and nails. Pausing my life to know before you and them when there was no hand to hold. How they say, I found a paw Gospel 201 Legs, Breasts, There’s Always Chicken. B and me until the? Paws stopped moving; my Braxton left this world 352 Days ago. I look to my hands that signed the papers. My tears have surpassed all those days. Even last night, they found me I need that. Yet you say I Want To Hold Your Hand. I love you. Taught because of, A Paw From B

Gospel 201 ~Legs, Breasts, There’s Always Chicken~

352 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 194 ~Love B Hard Sometimes~

WillLeave a comment

You give out hope like it’s candy in your pocket. Well, no, I could give you the meaning of life pretty easily. The concept of love? Now that’s something you don’t keep in your pocket. B gives it out always. But for 345 Days. “Love B Hard Sometimes.”

Tuesday, January 11, 2022

Chronicle 194 ~Love B Hard Sometimes~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, more like we are, and thank goodness. Love to my Olds is not being thrown out.

I swear that’s why I stay away from them. Being who I am, being me, well, that’s subject to debate. How do “THEY,” say, you’re lucky I love you? Because I don’t like you not one little bit. Speaking of a little bit, of course, you know I will talk about my B III. Braxton taught me all about love. Well, B III and Chris Rock. Defining what love is? Always ahem the want, need, desire, to put another above oneself. That’s why I’ve never agreed that you need to love yourself to love another. Of course, I would love to love me. One more reason I stay far from my Olds. I grew up to this. I was a duty, obligation, a hated job.

Thirty-seven right? Love is like books and writing to me. It’s a thirst, My Love. They have that word right and wrong. I want more; oh God, help me, and not only boobs, um yep. Hell, look at Braxton? He didn’t have any boobs even though he wanted to claim his aunt’s. But from the moment I laid eyes on him… Talk about we found love in a hopeless place. My life became that of his, loving myself to love him from that moment. Now some way, that’s what killed him as well. It was my indifference when love itself became routine. I have it wrong… it’s not love being hard; it was life. At the same time, my obsession led to his passing away.

You’re the first woman, My Love, that didn’t find my obsession; oh, what’s the words? Creepy, stalkerish, perverted, the list goes on. I don’t love pizza because I don’t know everything about it. I don’t love my phone… Would I die for it? Obsession, knowledge. People say they love, but how much do they know? Unconditional love, as in without condition, you have to know everything. You and Braxton know everything of what I am. And that’s why love is hard sometimes. It’s learning, it’s understanding, it’s growing. We learn about our children; we learn about each other. And to realize that my child, my firstborn, is dying and love, every want, need, and desire can’t save him. What Is Love? Love B Hard Sometimes

345 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will