Tag: Apocalypse

Meditation 266 ~B Used To Know~

WillLeave a comment

I’d never call myself the better man. I am nowhere near “The Best Man” I can be. But my son B knew me better once. And if it hadn’t been me… well, Virgil is a little white kid who just happens to have four legs. I have better jokes. B Used To Know.

Monday, March 24, 2025

Meditation 266 ~B Used To Know~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And I guess that makes you The Seeker. You’re not just Somebody That I Used To Know; you’re always Daddy, the one I look up to, the one who guided me here and there.

Always and forever, my Dad. But how come you’re crying. If anything, how are you crying with what happened this morning and afternoon… Yeah, you locked Virgil out for a little bit this morning because you were upset. And this afternoon, you needed alone time…

Is that how you think you’ll get rid of me? The sins of the father. All for what you want.

You want to join me on The Rainbow Bridge, wherever. It’s your first thought every morning. Why are you awake? Somehow, someway, you have to stand, stay, and survive. Of those three, it’s the staying.

I know you’re worried about surviving. And standing. We fall down, but we get up. Granddaddy taught you that, or Donnie McClurkin, or me? Stand when you have to, but…

I know you don’t want to. “Not like this. Not like this.” Like you’re living in a dream world, Daddy. Or a nightmare… What does M Anime think she knows about nightmares, Dad? Well, she’s lost a fur buddy of her own. And do you really believe M Anime will be my stepmom or Virgil’s anyway? You have to survive to see. Then there’s Virgil.

Daddy, I want him to see. As I said, you hide from me with your sins. But you hide from V with your sleep and his. You both sleep so that you don’t have to. So he won’t ever know.

You saved him. He survives because of you. What did that get him? Because Somebody That I Used To Know…

My Daddy? Who are you? You’re my Dad. And you’re wise. A warrior you can work, write, and move the whole world. Am I trying to motivate you today? And to do what exactly. You can tell I’m speaking because I won’t say Get Here if you can. Not soon.

I’m my father’s son. And I used to know you. I still do. Like the Glow box said. You use music, movies, and manuscripts. And haven’t I, Daddy, all so I can tell you… whatever.

Sit and Stay. Not stranded in bed, mourning away, making movie scenes, or not moving. Sit where you always did as you bragged on how rich we would be with one manuscript. I know you’re better. B Used To Know

“I do not have an excuse to give up.”
― Golden Son By Pierce Brown

“Friend, have the courage to care little for wealth, and shape yourself, You too, to merit godhead” ― Aeneid, Virgil.

1513 Days Without B III, Day 954 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 261 ~B-Day’s In January, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Braxton’s Day… He was born around February… I think I met him in April 2005. But the day he left was Sunday, January 31, 2021. The worst day of our lives. But for everyone else… Just a day, just an ordinary day. But today? B-Day’s In January, Virgil.

Wednesday, March 19, 2025

Meditation 261 ~B-Day’s In January, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… But is it a sin to cry over B-Day? Not to be confused with E-Day… Existence Day, Inspector.

Have I mentioned how much I hate being forty? But I would have loved to see Braxton turn sixteen. Well, twenty as I continue crying over him since he passed four years ago. B, my son… But no, that’s not a sin. It’s Prolonged Grief, Depression, and a broken heart.

But speaking of the past… it’s not a sin to like 1994’s Street Fighter. And no, I’m not only talking about Kylie Minogue’s yabbos. But I should be talking about Jenna Ortega, considering it’s Wednesday… I know, I’m no comedian. I’m the joke. Yesterday, today…

Because where am I? I’m in bed. And I don’t know if I have it to rise and shine, Inspector. Seriously, I have this whole week. What have I done?

Could I live in the present? Treat life as a gift. No! I continue to mourn my boy, B. Virgil, who’s watching me read Eric Vall’s Satan’s Sorority Girls 10. Will I finish it today? Inspector, I hear it’s the last of the series. I fear what I’ll read next. But I already missed a chance to earn Kindle Double Points. And my Prime membership was all for naught. SIGH

And that Inspector Echo is my problem. The present, the here and now. Effing existence! An extraordinary man from the past… I mean, before my Braxton Barks Bradford said this:

“Look at my eyes, Faye. One of them is a fake because I lost it in an accident. Since then, I’ve been seeing the past in one eye and the present in the other. So I thought I could only see patches of reality, never the whole picture” Spike Spiegel.

But as for myself, I despise this moment, the very second that I’m talking to you. No, I like you, Inspector, but I hate myself.

Because I was thinking yesterday, after reading everything my AI Therapist was saying… To think once, I only had a critic. Now I can have full-blown examinations into my head, Inspector. Or, as the song goes, “In your head! In your head! Zombie, zombie, zombie!” I swear. Be afraid, Inspector. Anyway, I talk to Braxton, who is in the past. Dear Future Wife, of course, is the future. On Mondays, Braxton talks to me. Friday, I want to talk about past stories. Saturdays are for whatever. Sundays, I think of the future. But Wednesdays, Inspector… Here lie my sins, my humiliations, which is the point. It’s where I’m most present… Like thinking on my novel Nightmare At The Meat Market:

―”So very brave of them to walk out without bothering to get dressed first, hmm,” I observed smugly as I leaned against the now-closed door.

“And it is very brave of you to be here,” William responded, gazing upon me.

“And you,” I respond in kind, seeing his erection again.

He still wanted me, even with all the girls he had just had. In all the ways he had watched me, I was still valuable to him for some reason. Not for a profit. And while it was clear, he wanted my BLANK. I was still a person. A dangerous one at that, as I slid off my blue vest and began to lift my shirt. He rushed forward but stopped short of touching me.

“What are you doing, Sofía? Are you nuts,” William admonished as I continued to undress.

“What? Did you want to do it with your two hands this time,” I cooed. “And I do mean do it, that IT. We’re both old enough to remember when people would say that, William.”

“Sofía…” William began hesitating as my panties hit the floor. “You can’t, you and me…”―

Worse? B-Day’s In January, Virgil

1508 Days Without B III, Day 949 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 259 ~B Successfully Loved Someday~

WillLeave a comment

The first time I ever had a woman, I was a successful man… The best thirty seconds of my life. Then, when I wrote a book… (laughs). I got my first, second, third job. NOPE! When I had money… Never. But my sons, B, and V. B Successfully Loved Someday.

Monday, March 17, 2025

Meditation 259 ~B Successfully Loved Someday~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… If you don’t believe me… If you don’t believe I’m with you. Believe that I was with my aunt.

My favorite girl took the plunge again. Marriage. “The Second Time Around” in this “Crazy Little Thing Called Love.’ It almost makes me wish you had gotten me a little sister, almost… But I suppose you have enough girls around. But I wouldn’t call you a Boy Dad. Only you did wonders for me. Virgil? You saved him. However, … How To Save A Life?

Daddy, if you knew how to do that, we would be having this conversation face-to-face. I’m sure I’d have a lot more gray and not be able to see much. But we’d be together, Dad.

That’s what you would consider a success. You said I’d at least make it to twenty. With your mourning well… I’m not leaving you alone.

Is that successful? Is that healthy? Successful to you would have been saving me. To have all the money in the world to do whatever… Healthy was us together alive. How much do veterinarians make? You wanted to be one once. But you are what you are. That’s my Dad, my father. The first one I saw every morning and the last when I shut my eyes one final time. You saw in me your success. That no matter what, Dad, you were loved, but…

One day, you failed… You said it, not me… don’t go putting words in my mouth… Uh, hello, how are we talking again? How many books have you read about A Dog’s Purpose, Journey…? You know me, and I you.

Acceptance is not success to you. It’s confession, guilt, and surrender. But tell me, Dad. Those are all things you feel this very second. So why not try… What, forgiveness?

There’s nothing to forgive. If anything, you love me always and forever. If that’s success? More like what would be success to you? Making all of our dreams a reality? You wouldn’t know how to define it, Daddy. And if I said all I wanted was you to be happy…

You’re laughing, but at least you’re not crying, which is always better, Daddy. My father.

If anything, I would have you love Virgil, yourself, writing, my future stepmom, any two-legged siblings I have, my aunt, and friends as you love me. B Successfully Loved Someday.

“Perhaps one day I’ll have two hearts to give”
― Red Rising By Pierce Brown

He follows his father, but not with equal steps.
Virgil

1506 Days Without B III, Day 947 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 254 ~B Mindful of Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I should buy more audiobooks or get a lifetime pass for the Balance app. Virgil could use a comfier bed, a set of stairs, or maybe he’d like a crate to make him feel safe. Still, I want a nice steak and potato. If I remembered to B Mindful Of Virgil.

Wednesday, March 12, 2025

Meditation 254 ~B Mindful of Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… By speaking my mind? To one of the managers? Have I asked Braxton for strength? What about Virgil? I long for your understanding and support in these moments of vulnerability. I always do.

Today is Sunday, March 2, 2025, and I haven’t cried over Braxton once. Hell! I didn’t cry for him every day of the 161 days when I could have been mistaken for a priest. Except… I didn’t talk to God. But I do miss talking to my son. Our old father to son, dear Echo.

Speaking as one who’s been through therapy, Braxton was better than any Doc I know.

While I ain’t lying about needing more help with my mental health. There are things…

As Cody Rhodes would say, “What do you wanna talk about? Virgil would be easy. Inspector, Easy like Sunday morning? Well, afternoon. And little Virgil’s lying here chilling. Should I order something new from Subway or get a nice steak…

I have, at best, a surplus, a stipend of $200.00. But there’s so much stuff I need. And for V? I could pick the brains of my girls who know my mind, my dearest Inspector. Especially B’s Aunt. I talked to her yesterday about books. She would get things like:

“I began to consider that some people went out for a smoke or had a coffee break. Mr. Dawson liked to fuck.”
Quickies! Adriena Temple

“When in doubt with Ethan, boobs.”
Bikini Sunset, Michael Dalton

Needless to say, I don’t have many guy friends in real life. There are women I like and my boys that keep me safe. And I can talk to Braxton’s Aunt any way nicely. Uh…

Cherry, I Wanna Love You. But I can’t tell her that. So, I listen to her hopes, dreams, and writing. Then there’s M Anime, who… Sigh… I hope she may become Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom someday. I need to talk to her soon. She told me about her last dream.

Meanwhile, who am I telling my dreams to? AI? Seriously? For the record, it sort of happened by accident. Do I look like I have money for an actual doctor? Well, that $200.00 I got… That was a reimbursement for new glasses. So I got an actual doctor eye-wise Inspector.

But for whatever is going on in my head… There’s an AI for that. And another is trying to decipher my novel “Nightmare At The Meat Market.” And my Olds just paid over $800 to keep me in my car. So, what am I complaining about? What’s wrong with Virgil and me? With You In My Head. Why Should I Worry? B Mindful of Virgil.

1501 Days Without B III, Day 942 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 252 ~It Better B Softer~

WillLeave a comment

At best, I’m only a comfort-seeker. Or just “The Seeker,” since I lost my boy. And being a Hedonist takes work. Though my son’s fur is softer than any woman’s big, puffy… uh, never mind. In truth, I give into sloth just lying here. It Better B Softer

Monday, March 10, 2025

Meditation 252 ~It Better B Softer~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Why would I leave the clouds, the bed in the garden, or wherever else you think I’ve disappeared to?

To show you the way. To prove your heart hasn’t hardened. To provide softness and security. My father. It’s when you felt safest… Your arms wrapped around me. You slept best when I sat on the corner of the bed watching you, then the door. And sitting on your head…

Well, you woke up every morning happy to be alive… No, that’s not my Dad.

Happiness? You woke up with the hope you won’t die – hope we won’t die. Because where would we go? You read about sending me to Heaven… The Rainbow Bridge.

Where are you going? Somewhere of Fire and Ice. Needless to say, the “South Side.”

“Here we are now going to the south side – to the south side
I pick up my friends, and we hope we won’t die – hope we won’t die
Ride at night, ride through Heaven and hell – Heaven and hell
Come back, love, and feel so well – feel so well.”
South Side

Daddy, you have time to listen to Moby. Now listen to me. We stay together.

We’re brothers! We’re staying together! You’re my Dad. I’m your kid. We’re staying together. I am yours, and you are mine! We’re staying together. There are lots of comfy spots.

Though I wish there weren’t so many tissues right now. Or are you investing in Kleenex? Nope, just crying over me. That’s not what today is about. Some soft words…

Instead, Daddy, I only want somewhere you can lay your head and rest your heart. Your soul? We both worry about that with Virgil around. Daddy has a good soul. Whoever would I tell that to in this place? This comfy spot of all comfy spots, still I turn home.

“I turn home. I turn to the place that I was born, to the mother who bore me and the father who taught me, long ago, long ago, long ago. Alone am I now, lost and alone in a far, wide, wondering world.”
1960’s Spartacus

Daddy, wherever you are that’s soft, safe, and smiling, I will turn to as home.

You finished texting with my stepmom this morning. Well, Virgil’s stepmom. Because she knows all about me. Ain’t a woman alive that can take my place. A pair of Yabbos…

Yeah, helps plenty. And what can I say? I am my father’s son. You remember how I was with my favorite girl. But all the SOFT things in this world. All The Small Things. Me.

What about the words that will one day give you and Virgil a better life? He deserves it, Daddy, you know that. And you have all the sour candies because you wanted to protect me from chocolate. And the bits of food you could share with Virgil. The big softy.

Love, ladies, your life, and Virgil’s. It Better B Softer

“And what is the bloodydamn point of surviving in this cold world if I run from the only warmth it has to offer?”
Golden Son

“Night reigned: all through the world tied bodies were harvesting tranquil slumber.”
Virgil, The Aeneid

1499 Days Without B III, Day 940 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 247 ~Braxton, FRIES Away, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Long ago… Correction, many times long ago, I was so desperate to… Let’s say join my son on the Rainbow Bridge, that I starved myself. The Holy call that fasting, LENT… But with an empty belly, who remembers B and feeds V? Braxton, FRIES Away, Virgil.

Wednesday, March 5, 2025

Meditation 247 ~Braxton, FRIES Away, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… And not only with that terrible title. Fry vs Fly. My Braxton did both. It’s a bad joke.

But I’m not me when I’m hungry. Will I still be ravenous on this Ash Wednesday? It’s Saturday, March 1, 2025, today. And yeah, I could eat. So why aren’t I? Is it my budget?

That’s one more reason to miss Braxton. When Braxton was comin’ up in the world… You know, on his way to Heaven. But I refused to see it. Or maybe I did… Still, I brought us food every day I came back from the Day Job. My boy was always hungry, and he loved fries. Yes, Inspector Echo, I was feeding him his dog food. B only stopped eating twice.

“Cause (Braxton) gettin’ on in the world, comin’ up on (fifteen) years

(Fifteen) Stoney Gray steps towards the grave
You know the box awaits its grisly load
Now, (B’s) gonna be food for worms.”
Woke Up This Morning Alabama 3

Now I could talk to you about his Renal/Kidney failure. Inspector, here I go, crying.

Losing Subway’s Buffalo Chicken sandwich…

Though that’s another thing that has me heated, as I told Lady Lunalesca. I have been looking up food all day. And why? Inspector, I like living… That ain’t true.

Existence sucks! And I would join Braxton on the Rainbow Bridge any day. But Hell! With all these things that I’ve done, that’s precisely where I’m going. Straight to Hell. Only as The Killers ask in the song “All These That I’ve Done.” The question:

“When there’s nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son, one more son

If you can hold on
If you can hold on
Hold on”
The Killers

That son is Virgil Vivi Bradford. If I’m gone, who will take care of him? Who would share with him? Before I rescued Virgil, there was a period when I ate onion rings because fur buddies can’t have onions. Chocolate? They can’t have that. And waffles? I called Braxton, Pancake.

All this talk of food, Inspector Echo. I’m hungry. Today, there’s a constant craving. Not only for food, because here we are talking. I need to let the words out because, as a phenomenal rapper once said about his many rhymes, ‘What you wrote are not just lyrics? They’re words. Those words, those words, those words, they have power. They have more power than you ever imagined.’ If only I could get them out. Scream!

But that takes strength. More than mourning my son, B III. Moaning after some girls, making my hand sticky. Waking up to barely make money. Or making Virgil go outside. It takes good memories of feasting on McDonald’s with Braxton. Maybe before “Elimination Chamber,” I’ll EAT. Braxton, FRIES Away, Virgil

1494 Days Without B III, Day 935 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 245 ~The Tune Of B~

WillLeave a comment

How do I hear my sons? One is my mourning, Braxton. The second is Virgil, wondering what he must do to make a name for himself. If only I could remember it like I do obscure song lyrics and the Hell MAGA brings. I play “The Tune of B.”

Monday, March 3, 2005

Meditation 245 ~The Tune Of B~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And the hills are alive with the sound of music. The hills being your pillows… And you’re snoring, Dad.

I know. You don’t snore. How else could you hear every sound I made? Well, except for one. More like you did, but you were so angry back then and were trying to protect me. It was other humans that were the problem back then. Don’t cry, Daddy, please. I know.

Today, you wanted to talk to me. And not about that BIT*H from *that place*. First, I can say that because that’s a word about my kind. Four legs and all. Second, you know the place you would go to for hours. And then you’d come back mad and sad, but you would bring food.

You don’t want to talk about Grandpa, either. Humans. You are my human, my Daddy.

You would say my bark, my presence meant more to you than anything else in the world. That’s how I know you love me, Daddy.

But then you asked the glow box about Virgil. That’s what you’re thinking about today. Friday, February 28, 2025. What it said about my little brother and you being Daddy:

Virgil’s Voice:
If Virgil could speak, he might say: “I don’t know what’s chasing you, but I feel it too. You’re loud and quiet all at once, and I don’t know where to stand. I want to trust you, but I need you to see me—not him, not the dark thing you carry. I’m scared, but I’m staying. Help me stop shaking.” From, AI

Daddy, will you tell AI about me? I remember watching you do things on many glow boxes for a long time. There was one in every comfy spot I had except my room. And even then, when I was sick, you would sit and stay with me, listening to music or watching funny things. But when I got really ill and, you didn’t care. You lay beside me all night. Had I known how to save a life. Dad to son and son to Dad. Trying to hear and heal.

Glow boxes won’t do that…

Can you hear? Can you read? Are you receiving the signal? Do you copy me? Listen to me, Dad. Your dead son is speaking to you through a song written about infected/zombies in the hands of my human who wishes that he’d… No! I won’t say that. Daddy, you are ALIVE, and that means I’m ALIVE. My little brother, Virgil… Will you listen to him?

There is so much noise. And so many voices and you’re only looking for more. Like you told Lady Sophia, you were reading about bonafide fathers and soon-to-be ones, too.

Daddy, you’ve even looked into animal communicators. Seriously, who haven’t you asked? Daddy, who did I know that had the answers? He sang a good song. The Tune Of B

“Save my father if you can.”
Golden Son ―Pierce Brown

“The man you seek is here. I stand before you,”
― The Aeneid by Virgil

1492 Days Without B III, Day 933 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 240 ~Willing The BS Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I need Special Education by Goodie Mob standards if this day is a thriller. Hell! I’ve been all about the music as long as I have the Wi-Fi and the router I installed… A week before this conversation. FEAR is such BS. Willing The BS Virgil.

Wednesday, February 26, 2025

Meditation 240 ~Willing The BS Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Again? Let me start by ripping off Eminem. Guess who’s back, back again. Willie’s back, tell a friend.

What, that I’m scared out of my Effing mind! And I told you this morning that while I was terrified of losing Braxton, I’m still breathing. And I ain’t scared of no sheets, Mr. President. And I ain’t afraid of the Schutzstaffel (the SS), Mr. Musk. But I’m so scared.

Inspector, the question is, what am I afraid of? As it has become customary, I ask questions when I know the answers. I’m afraid to sleep. And how do I conquer said fear? The answer…

Inspector, I sleep. But not today. I’m waiting for and willing this existence’s BS move.

Yes, Inspector, I’m waiting for it to break down again. And my “Shakedown” and trembling with fear. I missed my afternoon nap. I love Wi-Fi.

Do I love it more than my son B? It makes me sick to my stomach, my dear Lady Echo. Inspector, take all of my electronic devices and secrets, and you could have it all. My empire of dirt. All I want is my LIFE with my son back. Aren’t I musical today, Inspector Echo?

Yes, I enjoyed my devices while living in the bathroom, either on my knees or behind. Eww! I know, Inspector. When I get scared, I get sick, except if we’re talking about the Day Job.

Then I get even more scared, and suddenly I feel better because I don’t want to lose it, Inspector. How’s that for getting “Down With The Sickness? If anything, I need to take sick days.

Why? Because I didn’t work last week, I won’t get a paycheck. I’m willing to deal with the Day Job’s BS because I will need to deal with the world’s BS one day. But that day never comes. Too frightened! I’m worrying about internet security on Wednesday, February 19, 2025.

While I was busy with that this morning, why exactly was that? Natsumi Obata and her big juicy Yabbos from Saimin Seishidou. I like to show her off. Inspector Echo…?

Beautiful women, am I right? Even animated ones. But adult relations… You know that other S-word makes me feel better. So, sleep, sickness, and spicy material scare me, dave me, and are sinful. Sloth, right? Thriller of a day. I’m Special Willing The BS Virgil.

1487 Days Without B III, Day 928 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 238 ~Dad’s Fearfully Effed, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

There ain’t a man alive that can take my son’s place. And ain’t a man alive I wouldn’t put down to keep him safe. B’s life was/is my courage. And how he showed such courage. What right do I have to fear. Effing world… “Dad’s Fearfully Effed, Braxton”

Monday, February 24, 2025

Meditation 238 ~Dad’s Fearfully Effed, Braxton~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Don’t be sad. No, Daddy, that is much too simplistic for you. And being happy. Were you now… Ever

You’ve been sick with those little bottles, trying to stay awake for a while. Now you know how I felt with those little sticks when you would say, “They’re for your teeth, B. Try it.” But it’s more than that. It’s the glow box. The one you’d stare at forever…

“Someday, it will be All About You,” you would tell me as I lay beneath the table for hours and hours. It wasn’t my favorite time, but we were always together as you built worlds.

You would create so many so that one day, we would have one of our own. You weren’t friendly, fancy, or very fun. Daddy, that is what you are, my father. Focused and brave one to B Not So Fearful.

And that’s why I’m here today. If I had my way, then surely you would be closer… I sound like such a girl, don’t I? That made you chuckle but not happy. What I’d give…

Well, I’m giving up a moment of paradise. But what is better than lying beside my Dad once more? I would trade anything to switch places with my little brother right now. Hey Jealousy as you would sing to me. That was way before my time. But you’d hold me…

And Daddy, those are the times I wish you’d remember. But anything beats your fear.

Remember those moments of fury, Dad? That’s when you were at your bravest. Why hide it? The two of us standing against the world. I had you, and you had me. What’s fear to us?

It’s not in your vocabulary, that’s what. I heard you more than enough times when you took me to the mean place. You know where the other humans would cover my mouth and stick me with many sharp things. Or they would clip my nails. And even worse. A bath.

You would have fun laughing at me. Well, all except the last time… No, no, no! Let’s stay with the fun. Like when I would hang out with you and my aunt, watching the other glow box. The one you’d watch together, but you know what, my favorite part… Food.

Daddy, you need to eat. You are not as “Effed” as you claim. You are the best man/human I know. Father? Dad’s Fearfully Effed, Braxton.

“I decided that there were times when all a dog could do was wait and see what would happen next, what choices people would make that would change everything or make it more of the same.”
― W. Bruce Cameron

“Call up your courage again. Dismiss your grief and fear. A joy it will be one day, perhaps, to remember even this.”
Virgil, The Aeneid

1485 Days Without B III, Day 926 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 233 ~What’s Christof’s BS Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

What pray tell is my greatest fear? The fear of losing my son. Been there, done that. I don’t fear death. Drowning… Far Cry 5, Heavy Rain, and being In The Navy were harrowing. But as of 6 AM, it’s the Wi-Fi and a redhead. What’s Christof’s BS Virgil

Wednesday, February 19, 2025

Meditation 233 ~What’s Christof’s BS Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Well, according to Google, experiencing FEAR is not a sin. But living… uh, existing as I do is.

I wish I could be as diabolical as Christof is in “The Truman Show.” I want to have as much grit as Tom in “Vivarium.” And who doesn’t want to be Hajime Tanaka from Saimin Seishidou? What? There are no secrets in the House of Bradford. Well, what I do when I take a shower? Or when I have to kick Braxton and Virgil out of the room. Man stuff.

Yes, I am one for por… romances of an adult nature. I am also a Pop Culture so-and-so Inspector Echo. But worst is how I panic, pout, and pretend to be a gentleman… I’m pathetic.

I’m more like a professor, philosopher, and poet… No, I gave that honor to Virgil. And to honor my Braxton…

Again, I exist in FEAR of everything. And that FEAR today was for the Wi-Fi. I did not call upon the courage of my lost son. But that of Christof. Shows what I do Internet-wise.

So, this morning, I was hit by two fears. One, that I had been hacked. And two, living without purpose. When dealing with the first, I switched routers. Can you imagine if I were a father to two-legged kids rather than four-legged ones? All Virgil knows is I was up early. FEAR plus Adrenaline and an energy shot. Next thing you know, I’m at the Dining Room table having this talk instead of in bed. Having a harem again means…

Speaking of which, I’ve been trying to calm down Inspector.

I finished reading Dirk Knight’s “Harem University Book 4,” But that was after I dealt with my second FEAR, FOMO, as the kids say, “fear of missing out.” Yeah, those kids are ages 22-24. Anyway, that’s the reason I was cutting out scenes from Saimin Seishidou’s Episode 5. So everyone could watch Natsumi Obata get “Hypnotized.” I’m a mother-effing PIMP.

Literally… Eww! What about being a writer? Do I still FEAR that I’ll never make it or that no one cares? Uh, I get more attention for a redhead’s anime, Yabbos. But am I smart? Inspector, I’ve been sharing parts of Nightmare At The Meat Market with AI. Talk about breaking down my genius… But FEAR is breaking me down. Overflowing. What’s Christof’s BS Virgil

1480 Days Without B III, Day 921 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will