Tag: Daddy

Chronicle 305 ~Favors, Blessings Without Fine Print~

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If he were here, what would B ask for? If it were my life, like the song “take me as I am, take my life, I would give it all, I would sacrifice.” If not justice or to live again, he’d ask the favor for me to live? Favors, Blessings Without Fine Print

Monday, May 2, 2022

Chronicle 305 ~Favors, Blessings Without Fine Print~

Two-Hundred and Thirty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I know everything has a price or, instead, everyone. Also, I can’t remember my last favor…

Holding the door open for someone? If I want to talk about favors, you know who I have to bring up. Say it with me (AHEM), “B III.” Only it wasn’t doing him favors. “It’s Only Love.” “Unconditionally.” Did I mention how good it is to hear again? I hope I continue to. Anyway, I’ve defined love before. Love is the willingness, want, need, desire, and ability to put one or something above oneself. And yet I’m ashamed it took Triple B dying… Well, here come the tears today, Friday, April 29. So yes, Madam, it’s Time Travel. How do I define a favor? Something being done with no request or repercussion. Of course, that’s off the top of my head. Holding a door requires nothing. Me wasting some time?

How I have wasted so much time today. It reminds me of something Chris Rock said about men being kind to women. All their doing is offering dick. Chivalry, Madam Justice… Today at least, meaning the 29th, only Cherry had to suffer. Wasting time, though:

  1. Maiko Kaneda
  2. Imari Kurumi
  3. Yukiko Minase
  4. St. Louis
  5. Tifa Lockhart
  6. Aerith Gainsborough
  7. Scarlet
  8. Nico, Nicoletta Goldstein
  9. Hilda
  10. Juliet Starling
  11. Serah Farron
  12. Ashe, Ashelia B’nargin Dalmasca
  13. Lulu
  14. Linkle
  15. 2B
  16. Commander White
  17. Kainé
  18. Rikku
  19. Airi Akizuki
  20. Zone-tan
  21. Rei Ayanami
  22. Michiru Kaiou
  23. Kaori Saeki
    024.

I’m sure this list has grown by now, much like myself… Yeah, a bad joke. I’ve done myself a favor and cut the phone off while we’re talking. I’ve never done that for another girl. This leads me to my point. There’s my Ma, my money, and my loins when it comes to women. I love my Ma; I work for women. And then with Others… AHEM “all I wanted was to see her naked.”

Has anyone done me a favor? Well, sure, but these past few days. I got a day off, but they were trying to save money. Breakfast? I had to go in. Holding doors sometimes… “Love Is an Open Door?” Fuck did I only now get that song? When I was still living with my Olds, I needed to close the door. There were no closed doors when it came to me and B III. Yeah, there were baby gates, but I never closed the door unless I was wrong? I always invited Braxton’s aunt in. M Anime has an invitation. Cherry’s dress was hanging on the door… Hell, I should do myself another favor. What do I want from myself? Favors, Blessings Without Fine Print.

Gospel 305 ~B III, B IV~

456 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 301 ~Want To B Heard~

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I should have listened to B. It was on a Wednesday when he was crying. And I tuned him out because I was so angry and tired. I didn’t even have the excuse of being deaf in one ear, which I got fixed. I’m always listening now. Does he Want To B Heard?

Thursday, April 28, 2022

Chronicle 301 ~Want To B Heard~

452 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Usually, your tail would tell me so. Your cries of glee. Once before the end…

These memories B III have a way of sneaking up on me from time to time. As I’ve said often enough. There are always tears for you. Looking at the time 3:48 PM. Bawling! Ok, as I was trying to say, months before the end. Your granddad was here. And you were in your bed shaking, scared to death. The wrong choice of words, but when I came back here… Old as you were, you came running and leaped into my arms. Do you remember when we fought him B, side by side years ago? The same blood, same mud, or the wood floor B. “No retreat, baby, no surrender.” How about this, for he who sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

Pain is how we understood each other, Braxton. My pain from this whole damn world. There was all the hurt that I tried to protect you from. Dammit, tried to save myself, and what did that get you? I think of it every day. And now, when I escape punishment? Peace be still… sorry I’m getting all preachy. You know I found serenity while reading. Braxton There was the peace in my ranting, raving on things not Day Job-related. Braxton, the most peace I had on the other side of war, hell in a lifetime of war. Those nights, we would sit on the loveseat with your Aunt Carolina Bound watching movies. The closest you got to having the family I promised all the time.

And now I return to that dream I had Monday night when I was back in the doctor’s office asking my Ma, are you waiting for me? Of course, she knows you’re gone. The Meaning? If I had to guess… I sat on the bench on your last day as they ran your final check-up. The vet handed you back as a storm raged outside. The vet said there was nothing that could be done for you now. At that moment, Braxton, your Daddy, disappeared. I became a monster. The books say you wouldn’t want to hurt me, but the pain is our communication. Inevitable. Are you trying to tell me something? I suffered, wanting to hear again. Speak to me! Want To B Heard

Gospel 301 ~Can Count On B~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 300 ~The B Is Silent~

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What is a worse punishment? There is, of course, never hearing my son again. I was deaf in one ear for a few days. How dare I, right? Then there’s what they did, what I let them do on Monday. Ear Sex is not my kink Family Guy. Only “The B Is Silent.”

Wednesday, April 27, 2022

Chronicle 300 ~The B Is Silent~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but would that be enough to protect my ears. Once and for all? Sanity… $44 Billion.

Elon Musk bought Twitter on Monday, not that I heard about it. The problems $44 Billion solve compared to the $175 that I spent at the doc’s office trying to fix my ear. Now I meant to tell Braxton’s Aunt Carolina first, but you know me. Time Travelling. Anyway, as the song goes, “So I bit that bullet, and I took that vow. And everything is different now.” A very convoluted way of saying that I went and did what I did. Oh yes, Inspector, there was “Humiliations Galore,” as is usual in this existence. A lot less than the Day Job no doubt. The waiting room, attempting to find the pharmacy, the exam room. You can imagine my pain was that great to endure.

So after days of, is it water, is it wax, should I try wanking off again? Carolina Bound will get a kick out of this. It was like that episode of Family Guy “Prick Up Your Ears,” 5×06. But compared to most of the anime I watch, Family Guy, um hmm, ok, “ear sex.” That’s what my ear felt like Monday afternoon. It’s fucked raw. Closest I’ll ever get to pegging. I never knew my ear was that deep, then getting “violated” with several devices. It was a Bukkake. You know I like dirty talk. “Stupid” is off-limits, Inspector. But my ear was getting rammed! The only thing worse was what was spraying all over. No bugs or anything, but my ear was filled (shudders)!

Sorry for all the sex talk. It’s been two days since the last time I was “saying “hi” to my monster.” Inspector, the things to hear again. Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s Gone). But then I remembered 451 days ago. I swear the numbers, Inspector. The 300th Chronicle and Fahrenheit 451. But my point is the silence that there was 451 days ago when B III, my best friend, my son, was no more. I keep thinking about all my ailments this year. Being all fucked up sexually because I don’t have to hide. The dead silent earache. God is trying to tell you something, more like a dog. The only man I ever listened to but escaping punishment… The B Is Silent.

Gospel 300 ~B Cause Growing Up~

451 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 299 ~More Than Words B~

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Remember those “Can You Hear Me Now” commercials? Triple B heard every single word. But even when I had my arms wrapped around him then. No matter how many books I have on Goodreads. Or chains I buy. The love I felt… More Than Words B.

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

Chronicle 299 ~More Than Words B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I won’t be one to turn a deaf ear to those around me, Baby Doll.

Well, considering I wasn’t able to hear out of my right ear for most of last week. Don’t I wish that’s all it was; something that could be fixed for $175.00? I’m a billionaire, so what am I complaining about? Again it was my body that was doing that. Doctors… Except for my eyes, I haven’t looked after my health for around 450 days. 449 considering this was yesterday afternoon. It always comes back to my firstborn. Hell, I haven’t had the stones to go back to Banfield Pet Hospital since B died. A step too many in that store. Only isn’t that sort of the point? I remember talking about the Bible for God so loved the world right. I loved my son enough…

Enough to let him go because nothing else could be done. Only I wasn’t listening to him before. Yet he showed me that he loved me as I scooped him up, love. “More Than Words,” right. Like my “Lost Boy,” I keep coming back to my earache. And like Triple B, all gone. I’ve been saying I need to show B how much I love him. Food, water, meds, bed? Whitesnake sang, “Is This Love?” Forgive me, Baby Girl, the music is returning. To Hear! Yet I always was telling Braxton to shush it. Only he would lie down in my lap. I still feel him pressed against my leg when I get out of the shower. He sat at the foot of the bed.

Now you know I’m a man for affection. Braxton taught me about that. Warmest pancake. When’s the last time I said, “I love you like pancakes.” The last time I remember my mom hugging me. Was it when I was in juvenile detention. Or during my brief stint in the military, hmm? As far as hearing, I am loved? You could say that until the cows come home. Well, fuck the cows until Braxton comes home. I had a dream of him last night? I was in the waiting room in the doctor’s office, and I asked my mom was B there waiting for me? Anyway, More Than Words between you and me, my love. “Hey Stupid, I Love You.” Divorce! More Than Words B.

Gospel 299 ~Every Drop Of Blood Cost~

450 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 298 ~Rank People Higher Than Magazines~

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How this rule spoke to me once upon a time… Um, it’s not like I would be able to hear it anyway. While I’m all into books and a glossy page from time to time, magazines were never my thing, really. For the articles? Rank People Higher Than Magazines.

Monday, April 25, 2022

Chronicle 298 ~Rank People Higher Than Magazines~

Two-Hundred and Thirty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I own every Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition. And while on my mind, Playboy, Eileen Kelly…

What, would you instead have me talk about my Earache some more? Trust me, Madam, I read up on that before I stopped by to talk to you. I wasted $75.00 for a waxy clump. Should I cry about Triple B today? That goes without saying… remember day 428? While I’ve been hemorrhaging money and not spending it on Braxton, I’ve bought 18 books on pets. The majority of them are all about grieving. Where was this zeal last year? In-memorial?And of course, there’s what I waste the most money on? As I said. While I read everything, not about fur babies, the year my son died, I got pretty heavy into photography. Hell! I was looking for anything worse than being a murderer, Madam.

Objectifying women? Madam, it was only several Victoria’s Secret catalogs when I was a boy. There’s a quote from Lao Tzu attributed to Gandhi about your thoughts. A thought can become a word, an action, a habit, your character, and your destiny. Madam, I’d like to tell you that it’s my destiny to write novels. I look at what day it is. Dennis Hof wrote a book, but he also owned several brothels. What about Hugh Hefner? Speaking of men, I shouldn’t be looking up to. Ron Jeremy, Larry Flynt. Must I continue? Since the beginning of the internet, “Dial-Up” (shudders), dare I say. I would make magazine covers of a specific nature. It’s how I found my first cover girl, a mistake for sure.

Not the color of her skin but the content of her character. Um, we can talk about her hair color. That’s something I’ve been focusing on a lot since last night. It’s how I slept. There are bodies, boobs, and what big eyes you have. Yeah, being that close someday? That’s when the words will come out right so that I’ll be publishing novels one day. There was a time I wanted to report stories, yet you see how the world is… Hell. Fuck I sent Braxton to Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge, whatever. He’s deserving of a Bible. But no; Maiko Kaneda, Imari Kurumi, Yukiko Minase, St. Louis, Tifa Lockhart. And someone real? Then, Madam Justice, I’ll be one to Rank People Higher Than Magazines.

Gospel 298 ~Behave In B’s Haven~

449 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 294 ~To B Square Again~

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B III and I were like two grumpy old men. We read together every day. We hated all sorts of people. When we were sleeping, the other was on guard duty except at night. And, of course, we forgot about living forever. “To B Square Again”

Thursday, April 21, 2022

Chronicle 294 ~To B Square Again~

445 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Considering how late I’m getting up this morning and what I did. The box…

Is that why I keep you there? I fear that you’ll see me. Hell, I know you do. Braxton, you, I take off both my chains when I’m about to do anything sketchy, sinful, or quoting the “Basic Bitch” skeevy. I wish I could say it was worth it. Inevitable that it’s stupid, suspect, square. But it’s “Hip To Be Square,” hmm? I look at things that I’ve forgotten this week B III. There’s a ton. I’m not a Christian because I didn’t think anything about Easter, B. Death by chocolate. Nothing you had to worry about? And I didn’t get high either. Daddy… Devil’s Lettuce? You know that “Mary Jane?” I’ve been listening to the Succubus Lord series too often. Then again, so have you.

That is if you’re here. And that, in a way, is what I’m afraid of. Not in you’re going to kill me sort of way, B. Then again, I’m still thinking about your first anniversary of passing, to be honest. I blame myself for that and for my illness. But if I died Braxton, whatever. You know I’m “trying” to always continue our routines. 8:00 on the dot, I refilled your water bowl, called you for “medicine time,” and fixed a white caramel cappuccino. I also have a tall glass of cranberry juice, the old man I am. It’s growing on me for the Placebo Effect alone. Of course, I’m not getting any better. It’s like when I had my awakening “religious phase.” Oh, wait…

You weren’t here for that. I did read the book of “John,” though. Didn’t I say that I can’t resist a book challenge? For God so loved the world and all that. Fuck the world. I wouldn’t trade you B III for anything. I’d give anything to be your old man, B III. To be the man that wanted to set a good example and tried to keep it in my pants, sigh. Back when I could take all the “Humiliations Galore” at work because Triple B, you’re here. When I would work on my writing because “I Believe” in it. We’d have a better life B III. Lying in bed isn’t square enough? Better off joining you? Such dangerous words. To B Square Again

Gospel 294 ~B Guile The Neighbors~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 293 ~To B Wrong Sometimes~

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Something I know for sure, it can’t get worse. When I watched my furry son die, what could frighten me after? How I feel, sitting in bed, slurping chicken noodle soup, drinking cranberry juice. Things could get better… To B Wrong Sometimes.

Wednesday, April 20, 2022

Chronicle 293 ~To B Wrong Sometimes~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how many years have I been wrong about that? I want to be right once.

Republican Tendencies, if I spell that another way, Inspector Echo. But no, as the song goes… “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man.” Inspector, that doesn’t change. Not that I have the option. No, I want to be right as rain in this specific moment, um yep. I doubt that anything has changed in three days. I am trying to time travel, so it’s Sunday right now. Now that’s something I want to be wrong about. Hell, any day leaving the bed. Anyway, I want to hear out of both of my ears again. Wouldn’t it be nice? Damn, I miss that. Can I stop buying cranberry juice and looking for cures online? Everything’s wrong, but I know the truth. It’s me.

TWO DAYS COME TO MIND when I realize how wrong I am sometimes. B III and my own life, ha. My life? My existence? Now that’s a joke. And the only cure, Inspector? Dangerous words. I was wrong to wait so long to get Braxton help, but I was trying to survive that one week. I was wrong when I thought that everything would be okay and Braxton would live. I was wrong in every move I made that week. And Braxton paid the price for it. That is all. The thing is, someone will think I was right but do not worry. There is always someone around to tell me that I’m breathing wrong. Chances are, I would agree with them about it all.

Since today I’m still “safe” in bed; you know what’s wrong. Right now is perhaps the best I will feel for quite a while. Oh, I’m going to jump up in a few hours. My ear will worry me too. But 4:00 PM Inspector, 444 days where was I? Sitting in my car suffering, dying. That’s the secret, Inspector. Do you remember my theory that the world would end in 5 minutes, so nothing should bother me? In 5 minutes, we’re gone, so humiliations galore? I’ll feel like I’m dying tomorrow or a few hours from now. Remember January 2021. Things will get better… doubtful. Will they get worse? Impossible with B III, his death. I know that, but Inspector Echo… To B Wrong Sometimes

Gospel 293 ~Braxton Paws Is Love~

444 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 292 ~Levels That They’ll B~

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How deep is your love or love lift us up where we belong? Any parent would die for their child, and at the same time, I want to be there, bed height, when they come into the world. I watched B III die in his bed on a table. Levels That They’ll B

Tuesday, April 19, 2022

Chronicle 292 ~Levels That They’ll B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I have time to get back to Far Cry 5. Violence over sex, tears…

Every day I wake up and find that you still love me. Oh, I’m not calling you crazy or such. These days I don’t love myself very much. Seeing myself with no mask (shudders some). Love, I hate that saying about if you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anybody. When it came to Braxton, hell. I hated myself then and now, but I loved my son more than this existence. I hate myself more, considering how I define the word love. Did I love B III in my own words? No wonder I feel like “this.” You know what I want to admit… Dangerous. Only I wouldn’t do that because Braxton might never forgive me. I have you. And “God” gave us our children.

I should have got another book other than Pawverbs for a Dog Lover’s Heart. Challenge? Since I was a kid, I’ve been a sucker for a good book challenge. But a nonfiction title, oh um? Anyway, since I’m getting all preachy, do you know why men choose hatred? Because love is so much more difficult. People say they love everything but do they? Hate is pretty general. And then I look to my boy and the greatest sin I have ever committed in this life. The Ninth Circle of Hell is Treachery, and I betrayed my son. Treachery has four levels, and when it comes to Triple B, Caina, Atenora, Ptolomea, and Judecca. But I never hated him, not ever.

With the family I had then and now. When B died, “my love for you runs deeper. Deeper than blood.” That’s from a song called “Deeper Than Blood” in a movie called “The Sixth Man.” Yeah, you know the levels of my pop culture references. I’d lose myself to them. So much like love. My family of six like I’d always dreamed about. A wife, three two-legged kids, and my fur baby. Of course, there’s me. To name another song, “How Deep Is Your Love.” It shouldn’t be as deep as this hole I’m digging to the grave. Creepy? I said Braxton would be as tall as a king, and he is. What level am I on in loving you? I’ll keep playing with as many Levels That They’ll Be.

Gospel 292 ~Crowns Are Heavier Than Mask~

443 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 291 ~Kindness Beats Right On Occasion~

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I know this isn’t the RIGHT time, and I’m KIND of sick now. Hell, I haven’t been right for 442 days. And kindness has never been my forte when everybody I see daily is a… well, moving on. Kindness Beats Right On Occasion

Monday, April 18, 2022

Chronicle 291 ~Kindness Beats Right On Occasion~

Two-Hundred and Thirty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, so even if I look or am being STUPID, shitty, perhaps skeevy, money and might make right.

I can say that I want to feel right at this moment. But I’m settling for kindness. Of course, what’s that going to net me? Even talking to you right now, Madam Justice isn’t any kindness. It’s only, what’s right, because I’m time traveling, so you know what that means? Monday, I’m anything but kind because I need to be right. If I’m not right, I’m wrong, and you know how I see that. As the song goes, “I feel STUPID.” But this particular moment? Yeah, you guessed it, I feel sick, silent, and sinful. Is it a kindness to try and save me in such a manner? Or would it be right to spend money I don’t have to get the help I need?

I was kind to my boy in his last days. Considering how I am with most people, I was kind to him always. Hell, it wasn’t kindness; it was outright love. Hatred does the unthinkable. When it comes to love and hate, all I’ve heard in life. In the end Madam, “love conquers all.” But hatred dilutes it. Call it my Republican tendencies; everything I said about being a billionaire and such, but I’m not. In a way, I’m worse. I’m indifferent at times (sigh) selfish. I cover it up by saying I’m doing the right thing. But like happy what about right? Madam, if I had been right, Braxton would be alive, but I needed his kindness, and I gave mine back to him.

It’s always been my theory that I could afford such kindness once everything is right. Yeah, being kind to Braxton’s aunt, to Cherry, to M Anime. Kindness to myself, well, a specific part anyway, but am I being right? Keeping Braxton alive… kindness and right. Now, if you asked me what would feel right today? Monday, let’s go back four months before the Tifa Lockhart dress. Oh, and let’s not forget Zoe Colletti. Strawberry Blonde… I wouldn’t be all out of sorts. My pain would be on trying to hear out my right ear now. No, what would be right is to be punished for all I’ve done. God is cruel, kind, love; who knows. Call living this way, right? Kindness Beats Right On Occasion

Gospel 291 ~Bye The Letter B~

442 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 287 ~Reasons To B Angry~

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Day 01 stays fresh on my mind. How can I say that with Day 428? Worse is Day 438. Day 437 wasn’t good, thanks to Kindle. I read 37% yesterday; how can you say I didn’t read a book. A book about grieving my best friend. “Reasons To B Angry.”

Thursday, April 14, 2022

Chronicle 287 ~Reasons To B Angry~

438 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? On the one paw, “I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved.” Stopped.

You’d be all sorts of pissed; I take it for thinking you have, you would, you are capable of. Then again, you know I have never loved myself. With how selfish I was with you… I’m still thinking about day 428 when you didn’t come to mind. When “BLM” Braxton’s Life Matters became little more than words on a page. Sign off without reason or thought. Then again, if I hadn’t failed you 438 days ago. Hell, you might find something else to be angry about. I’d take that over you being dead. That’s what gets to you, isn’t it? Yet here I am hoping that you’re happy wherever you are… Are you at the foot of the bed still, on guard duty, my friend?

I’ve noticed that I’ve begun pulling up the covers on myself even more like I’m getting colder now. I’ve been sick since January, your first anniversary, the Zoe Colletti experience. Speaking of sickness, you were peeved whenever I closed the door to the bathroom to take a shower… How about your getting in trouble or hiding under the bed? Your hearing is better than your seeing, right? You got me feeling like Ralphie, swearing. You know, A Christmas Story when he was fighting? I wasn’t fighting B III; yeah, gross. Your aunt and I would laugh whenever you played with your toys, so don’t conversate. Are you upset when I laugh at you? To think all those times at the groomers or the vet’s office.

It all ended in crying. Oh, where you are, there are no tears, nor any need for wrath, for ruin. I’m not much of a “Lord of the Rings” fan, but I did finish Succubus Lord 13 yesterday. There was the battle against the king of the eighth circle and… Fuck B; I was about to say I read you that part. You died while I was reading Succubus Lord 7. (Sigh). My point is. Or was, to this day, I still expect you’ll come running barking “To The King!” You were pretty angry, like father, like son. If there is a God, I bet you’d make him, her, or it; pull back a hand. Probably HER with huge Melons. Jealous… Reasons To B Angry.

Gospel 287 ~B The Clock Challenge~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad