Tag: Music

Log 218 ~Your Will Out Loud~

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I often talk about the terms that set me off, but a word like love; let me hear that more often and I don’t think I would be as addicted to my earphones as I am, and no, I’m not talking the kind of anyone’s imaginary friend hmm. “Your Will Out Loud.”

Tuesday, February 4, 2020

Log 218 ~Your Will Out Loud~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m not that smart. Under no circumstances would I ever say I’m STUPID because I know somethings. I’m not a handyman. It took me some days to put together a small coffee table. You won’t hear me pounding away with some hammer. During the Super Bowl, you didn’t hear me cheering for any team. I don’t even remember who played. It’s Sunday now, and I don’t want to bother looking it up. I fear the days our children get older and call out for help with their homework and what I will say to them.

I’ve told you about how my “father” loves using lots of money. Don’t get me wrong; the cash will keep you warm. I would rather hear the trickling of nickels and dimes than the banging of debt collectors. I pound the keys because I got tired of hitting the streets. I’m sure I’ve told you often enough that the first steps I made towards you, were the scariest I ever made in this life. All so I could speak of a love that would echo through eternity. My heart almost beat a hole through my chest, all so I could give it to you, My Love. Yeah, I’m guessing you can see why I have such a love of horror movies. A more socially acceptable way of hearing you scream; yeah, it’s not Thursday yet hmm. Not that love is something on my to-do list; it’s not to be made routine. It’s so much louder than taking a breath.

Baby girl, it’s more than any song I could sing and still Baby, I’m Yours. Speaking the words I Love You are louder than any rattling, ever felt it my bones from all my darkest fears. The softest touch and I can fly, as they say, not all heroes wear capes. I know I’m not Superman, I don’t ever hear the oohs and ahhs of the crowds. No, what I hear is, “Who’s That Guy?” Now didn’t I mention horror movies? There are the groans of so many men. I listen to hearts breaking and speaking about my bones talk about others being knocky in the knees. You Tell Me that you love me, you ask me, Love Me Like You Do. Only my name on your lips is all I need to hear forever and always, Your Will Out Loud.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 197 ~What Women Will Accept~

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Last week I talked about a woman and her word and today, well (Sunday) I ran my mouth to a girl and you know the standard routine, but no, I’m not worrying, a new year and all. What Women Will Accept?

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

Log 197 ~What Women Will Accept~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and this is only Part I. So yes, to answer your question, I like the title. Well, I have a few questions for you if I only dare to ask. Of course, the most obvious you answered before our kids, and My Dæmon agreed to surrender his spot. Another question as the song goes “Do You Love Me” yes, we’ll get into my music today. I won’t have to ask that question, though, if I know every day. The truth is, I must say it to my firstborn three times daily.

Okay, I understand as another song goes, “I Don’t Know How To Love Him.” I look at my reflection in the mirror and wonder the same thing. My Dæmon is often confused enough. You can love the man I had to become for us to be together. The husband, the father, the businessman. Are you willing to accept me though, the real me, and here’s another song, behind my “Charades.” I speak about business, and I’m no lord of war. I can’t say I wouldn’t invest in weapons. Yes, my ambition has always been to become the 1%. You know how I write. I don’t hide my investments because there are no secrets between us. The businesses I check every day. I know men who say, “I have a wife,” or a daughter, sister, mother. I love all the women in my world, but I won’t leave an industry I’ve worked towards my entire life.

Even in the name of love? When that word leaves my lips, it means something. So I ask you, baby girl, when did it mean anything when it came to you and me? I know the who and what, but then there when, where, why, and how. That’s a process I wouldn’t mind repeating, starting “Back At One.” Now that leads me to music, and we’ve had this talk many times. Some use poetry, others art, more the words of great men, and how I try My Love. Music, though it is not my gift, I use it to block “THEM” out and let you in always. Am I less of a man for having a hard time with my voice. I need yours until I can find the words, only three, I Love You.

It’s what I need love, but What Women Will Accept?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 134 ~Will Books A Trip~

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Another week of NaNoWriMo, amongst other things, and as Rick Grimes is with his Stuff & Thangs, I should be a better writer, lover, and with the Day Job, what more do they want? Will Books A Trip

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Log 134 ~Will Books A Trip~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that means no days off. Yeah, I know right, wasn’t I conked out most of the day as always? I don’t know how or why I can say no to you and not to everyone else. Should I call it love, and yes, here come the songs “You Always Hurt The One You Love.” I know you love me, and still, you know how I am always worrying. The perfect reason to take a vacation isn’t that right, but then there’s everyone else. Like when we first met, bad times.

Not us but more like I was afraid of losing everything else. One more reason I’m in the businesses I’m in My Love. Idle hands and the Devil or so I read, so I figured I might as well skip the middleman. How about the fact that the work I do now is my choice and I don’t feel like I need a vacation from it ever? Every other job I’ve ever held I hated, well the people in it, so I’m a writer amongst other things. I get to choose the people I’m around, but still, I always feel I’m letting them down. I was working on NaNoWriMo tonight and had to skip a whole chapter because I screwed up a character’s timeline. What about our time, is there any for me to spare for us to be together? Well, it is NaNoWriMo season, and I should be much further along in my novel.

Yesterday though I felt I was letting someone down, I was scared of losing. You know I’m not listening to Kanye West unless we’re talking about “Power,” great song. What I mean is I know it’s not about money, but I want, well, everything. So you ask me whatever happened to “All I Want Is You?” No, we will not be playing that Mariah Carey song in this house, okay? It keeps coming back to, why am I so afraid of losing everything but most of all you. My friend will tell you the same, she asked, and I can’t help but say YES. The Power of Yes, but is there more in saying NO? My dæmon follows in his dad’s footsteps, he wants to be with me, and he only sleeps the day away.

“It ain’t just about getting by here. It’s about getting it all.”
Hearts Still Beating

Baby Girl I’m awake it’s time Will Books A Trip.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 107 ~Must Go Faster Will~

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Last week I talked about the open road, got my driver’s license renewed, found my way to my kid’s hotel, and even visited with my Olds, good thing I got the car fixed, but where am I off to now? Must Go Faster Will.

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Log 107 ~Must Go Faster Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Billionaire right now, so sorry Bernie Sanders I want mine. For now, I’ll settle with being fearless, the impossible dream I know. Hell, what I did today I would have at one point said was impossible. A rite of passage if you will, like losing your virginity, getting a job, or getting married. The things I will do for a woman as always. So what is it I did today besides make my Firstborn look like a hippie, or is it Bohemian? You know I wish I could tell you, it’s too humiliating Inspector.

It’s something to the tune of Franklin Clinton’s first “job.” Am I the only one who walks into a bank and thinks how to take one down. No Inspector Echo, but I would have been paying somebody all sorts of money when I was downtown today. If anything, I would have died well dressed, and let’s not get started on my driver’s license photo. It’s how I felt at the time, all wide-eyed and panicked, which explains why I’m not sleeping. I’ve seen everything today, and even my Olds didn’t scare me as much as my actions. You want embarrassing, asking everyone about my shirt. Scared to put on my Firstborn’s collar because he hates getting dressed. Was he tacky at TheDogStop that the ladies gave me another collar for him? It was free, but nearly wrecking today on the highway wouldn’t be I know.

I’m still “trying” to read How To Stop Worrying And Start Living. Strange I was living by one of the principles, imagine the worst, accept it, improve it too. I’m sitting there thinking, the worst thing that could happen is I die. I’m not suicidal, Inspector Echo. It was sort of like GTA when flying a plane. Taking off and landing, that’s the hard part. Once you’re coasting along, well you have time to reflect. I won’t lie to you Inspector Echo I’m still scared. The thing is I didn’t die, and I know what I did must be done. I know if I expect to have a wife and a family if I want to get anywhere in the world. My little boy faced his fear so why can’t I? Eric Thomas talks about running towards the fight, and I’ve been running away forever.

Sorry, if I want the world, Must Go Faster Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 100 ~Will Man, Real Man~

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I told myself last year that a car would be the least of my troubles because I would be a millionaire and today I’m “complaining” about being out on the open road, and you know I’m a Scrooge when it comes to shoes. “Will Man, Real Man”

Wednesday, October 9, 2019

Log 100 ~Will Man, Real Man~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Billionaire right now, and have I ever mentioned, not a car guy. Inspector Echo, I swear when I “live the dream” I won’t have a dozen cars. Hell, I have made it a life goal that I’ll never leave my house again when I’m successful. Now, this is coming from a man that wants to own brothels, a strip club, a studio. Let’s not forget those modeling agencies both here and in Europe. The keyword there is man. I’m Will man, not a wheelman, and being real man SIGH?

I feel used and abused, damn near robbed, the people you can’t trust. How about something out of the Game Of Thrones, the things we do for love. Indiana Gone is one of my best friends, but love? You know I despise most of the people at the Day Job. I am no fan of Mazda at this second. So here I am being robbed to reach one. I’m Losing to be a loser at the other. Okay, Rule 15 states “I Take My Own Lumps” at Mazda. It’s called being an adult isn’t it Inspector Echo? I want to have a Bobby Hill moment and say “I quit.” Don’t get me wrong I am taking responsibility, what’s wrong with the car is my fault. Waiting to go to my friend’s wedding, I’m to blame. Not having the courage to escape a job that I can’t stand, yeah that’s all me Inspector Echo. Still not even a little bit, not even at all am I, as stated before, a wheelman.

I’m only Will, but the thing is I’m looking for more. Being a greedy S.O.B and that’s not changing anytime soon. You know I talk about my Firstborn all the time; am I the best daddy ever. I say it every week, the answer is no, but I want to be his hero. Only when it comes to the women in my life? Now and then, I miss wanting to be the knight on the white horse. The truth is, I want to know acceptance as one of the horsemen of the apocalypse. Why not something out of Disney Prince Ali Ababwa? Then again sticking with music, running is the story of my life, Run boy run, and I’m running on empty no doubt Echo.

Apologies because of all I am, Will Man, Real Man?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 099 ~Will Of Your Life~

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Well, it wasn’t laziness today, but crippling anxiety and exhaustion; people don’t understand how tiring stupidity can be, and I mean theirs for once, because I wasn’t a minstrel today. Still, I need a fan or two, more; “Will Of Your Life.”

Tuesday, October 8, 2019

Log 099 ~Will Of Your Life~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now but still greedy. What can I say, I want, I need, I love? Am I one of those that can only focus on me, My Love. Once upon a time I had myself a Christian phase. You know, in such faith, God never gets enough love. Now I could never find him, but when I woke up from my comatose nap, you know who I looked up suddenly? Lawrence Welk; I have no clue who that is still. Anyway, back to my phase, I have memories of a song saying something like this, order my steps.

My mother would tell me I would find my way. I would have preferred if she told me to be a Simple Kind Of Man. Yes, you remember when I danced with her at our wedding. There’re several things I want to tell her, but I can’t. You above everyone else should know there are so many things I need to say. You married a writer, a director, and a dreamer. I did a bit too much dreaming this afternoon, but at least it’s not the old day job anymore. Again I need to be a better man than that. I look in the mirror and know I must Carry On My Wayward Son. What can I say? I love being a fanboy of certain things. I love my Firstborn and all of our kids. Even though life is “perfect,” now I still enjoy a good apocalypse and a decent ending. Always know that I love you so much, babydoll.

The point is, when will I be a fan of myself? I don’t know Lawrence Welk, but for some reason I looked him up today. I fell asleep, but I knew my Firstborn would be here and you, of course, but I still ask why. I’m not Dennis Hof (I want to be bigger, though). Christian Grey, I am not close, but that’s years of erotic reading talking. I want to be as comfortable on bookshelves as I am in “Novelty” stores. Still I want to be no I’ll Be the greatest fan of your life. Okay I should turn the music off, but yeah, that was Lawrence Welk’s thing. Mine would be loving you because somehow I found you one day, but were you waiting, or were you searching?

Loving you knew, I was the Will Of Your Life.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 047 ~Will And Another Day~

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It’s not perfect, and never happy; I lost track of what’s normal a long time ago, but at least I’m not sitting in bed having this conversation, I got out of my room, sitting at the dining room dreaming of better. “Will And Another Day”

Saturday, August 17, 2019

Log 047 ~Will And Another Day~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now and still can’t tell how I feel. Didn’t I say a couple of days ago that, money is presence? One more reason that I’m not Trump; I have higher aspirations. Morals, a mother, a lot more money. So what am I doing to live up to such standards? The Day Job is always another day. Hell Lady Lu at least I’m not grunting most of the time. Going to work leaves me braindead and does that beat being horny as always.

It’s been a day and some change. I know you think I’m a pervert but here’s a list of temptation. I saw Nour from “Bury me, my Love” in her underwear; boobs, I swear. Jada Jinxx is offering her collection of videos for $20.00. Haley Pullos, liked I quoted that song “Sunflower.” I’ve seen Riley Reid dressed as a schoolgirl. Oh, and I’m still fiddling with that pornographic coin I bought. Come on, Lady Lu even Think And Grow Rich speaks about sexual influences if used the right way. Again I could list all my heroes that used such passions. Everything I do is on the premise of getting girls out of their clothes without paying a dime. Something better, getting others to pay me to see them. Books, Brothels, booking modeling sessions of course.

Any day that I’m not living such a dream is ANOTHER DAY. When I was at the Day Job, I was looking for a way to be brave. Again I quote this song, “so don’t be brave, have a little common sense.” What about “if it don’t make dollars, it don’t make cents.” Somebody else said, “chasing hoes don’t get you paid.” I want to be the third little piggy if you know what I mean “The ROC “Just Fire.” Music is a blessing, Lady Lu, but I didn’t stay in bed as usual. It isn’t a blessing knowing or being scared of what’s going to happen next. Glass half full or half empty, if anything there is only the glass. At least today, I have choices if my body holds up. Again the Day Job is work, humiliation, sleep, conversation, repeat; what about today?

I have a shot at three impossible things today. I could flip a coin. Wasn’t I looking for a way for “money” to turn me on? Will And Another Day

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 205 ~This Is Your Will~

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I’m not much of a talker, somebody thinks I should be a singer, and I guess I should get better at remembering holidays, MLK Day was yesterday, and I have a dream too that my future wife is reading these but if I could sing to her. This Is Your Will.

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Episode 205 ~This Is Your Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, I know it won’t be with my singing, though I’m a supporter of yours and let’s not take a survey of my musical selections except on Saturday mornings, when it’s all weird… 40’s and 50’s Nuclear Pop, Project At Eden’s Gate, etc. You can tell plenty about a man with his taste in music because I don’t ever think I’ll be quite the talkative type, especially when we’re ordering in the drive-thru or over the phone; am I a man at all sigh… like B III’s bark compared to his bite, people are surprised I suppose.

By my selections; the fact that I like to sing, and while I’m not much of a dancer, as say they, like no one, is watching and wouldn’t it be everyone else that felt like fools since I got you after all. I’m sort of in an exploratory phase when it comes to audiobooks, and I always have my Motivations Playlist “Tell Me Something Good” again, one more reason I found the courage to even talk to you. What man could say he enjoys listening to a woman all day, Ellie Goulding, Sade, and of course you baby doll, one more way to keep something beautiful in my mind honestly.

Would that make you a siren, songstress, maybe one of many Disney sweethearts, though to this day the sound of my name on your lips, has to be the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard because it comes with no illusions, you listen to me. Even when I say nothing at all because I’m going to buy you a library, be it books, blockbusters, or things for the bedroom because I want to lie here with you in the silence. Though I hope you don’t think less of me but since I was a child and like Charlie Brown I figured I’d get Hitched at some point (case and point) I love how I can lie my head in your lap, and you sing Poor Sweet Baby, I guess Triple B has something there, plenty comfy.

When I don’t wish life was a zombie movie or some other type of horror flick, I’ve always wanted it to be a rock opera or the perfect movie soundtrack, and telling you my favorite song is safer than my favorite book… Easy Street. Not enough, how about “I Love You” well we still have plenty of stuff to talk about my baby girl; come Find Me, and you know I will because in the end, This Is Your Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 199 ~Willing To Be Footloose~

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Big confessions of 2019 and I said it before but what a way to start the year; B III and I are making it though, and if only everyone knew forgiveness as he does, yeah three shots would leave anyone PO’ed what about nine? Willing To Be Footloose

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Episode 199 ~Willing To Be Footloose~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, not by hurting the innocent; you know I wrote down 365 Rules for my life, and without a doubt, I’m making more, you don’t propose at weddings, share other people’s personal lives, leave those blameless as painless, show goes on.

So my first sin Inspector Echo; I don’t like people; I think we are long overdue a plague of some sort but that being out there, life sucks enough for me not to fuck it up for others (Language) so silly me wanting to integrate myself to the masses and in so doing losing music. Monday I took over the speaker at work, keep in mind, one guy has run it for months, but I put on my playlist and come Tuesday, we are no longer allowed to listen with it… am I taking it too personally like always, perhaps?

My second sin, of course, comes from the guilt I feel, the shame, and everybody knows this is my fault, it has to be, I haven’t felt like this since I wrote a bit of poetry to a girl and a line from Twilight which nearly got me fired. Maybe I am growing some, remember when I got a ticket and was ready to kill myself before my father got to and if I lost my job… next sin, I’m not dead, but I believe in The Walking Dead, not only the show Inspector Echo.

I’m nearly ready to become a prepper for zombies, my friends know me so well, and that’s my fourth sin, I LIED to them about certain things, and I don’t lie unless my life is on the line and in this instance, it wasn’t, merely my pride. Doesn’t explain my fifth sin, to my best friend, my son, how his father can spend more on a woman than on his well-being, “B III” has gone to the vet twice and I spent more to see some tits (Watch Your Language).

Now we have my sixth sin, right out of the book 1984 you know the concept of “Doublethink” how I can consider a woman both a Madonna and the Whore in the same moment. Sin Seven is you pay a whore, and at least Braxton isn’t alone in my wasteful spending because I won’t buy new boots for myself, I can but I won’t because I’m Scrooge and so I listened to two co-workers laughing at me, so for eight I have begun tuning out the world even more so.

Nine and I have so much more to say, but this is only a symptom of a bigger problem, I’m Wasting Time, sleeping, playing The Walking Dead, sipping a cappuccino, and now I’m Run Boy Run these days, forgive me Inspector Echo; Willing To Be Footloose.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 198 ~Cold Outside, Willing Approval~

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I don’t need your approval, what I tell myself daily and part of that is because everyone has already agreed to the man they see now and God help me if I decide to change or if some girl likes what she sees in me. Cold Outside, Willing Approval.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Episode 198 ~Cold Outside, Willing Approval~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, though I can think of scarier questions, the first time I asked you out, will you marry me, how am I going to drive to the hospital during the winter months in the dark… praying for a summertime baby. I saw a movie once where this man said that a man doesn’t have to run around a woman, he tells her how things are, another man says he looked in the mirror and consulted with himself.

You know me baby-girl, or maybe you don’t, I’ll look at you longer than any mirror, my favorite thing on dates are movies, and of course, on Saturday mornings, lying here with you for two hours, maybe an hour, kids willing, listening to “Nuclear Pop.” Where does such a love come from, for you, our children, for dystopian societies and if I go by the logic of my first born “B III” I would say it was the moment I realized I was more scared of knowing you, terrified that anything outside could take you away, that I would have to explain everything. You see, you’re here, you see me when I can’t stand to look at myself, hear me when I run out of words from music, movies, and how many musings this year; is that the definition of love, being accepted for who you are, not needing approval?

How about forgetting who you are, and becoming what someone needs you to be, some Detroit Become Human right but no music today My Love, okay maybe a little but I go to work, and all day people are more than willing to accept me as they would have me but let me show them who I am? I’m done being the son my parents never wanted and as for your parents; as traditional as I am I would ask your father’s blessing but not his permission, I’m not looking for an alliance with France since taking French in high school. Having a daughter of our own, will I hope she finds a man like me… that’s why I want to be the man you need and every day I want to ask someone, anyone am I him, who approves?

It’s cold outside or don’t you believe me; Someday it won’t matter because as I begin every day, how to make one million dollars, fifty million, billion, five hundred billion but I’m not greedy and would the world approve of a man like me? At the end of the day you chose, the man you see before you, that you want, need, believe in, and love and It Doesn’t Matter what anyone else thinks because it’s Cold Outside, Willing Approval.

I Will Have No Fear