Tag: Fatherhood

Tale 148 ~Virgil, I’ll Be Downstairs~

WillLeave a comment

Is it the water heater, the A.C., or the weather? It could be anything. I talk about wanting to be a family man, and I’m not even a decent “homeowner.” Always crying to my Olds or my lost little boy. Then there’s Virgil. “Virgil, I’ll Be Downstairs.”

Sunday, November 26, 2023

Tale 148 ~Virgil, I’ll Be Downstairs~

To Will
It’s the Man In The Mirror… But what circle of Hell am I? It’s a strange question for so late in the morning.

8:00 AM? More like 8:18, to be specific. But you were up at 4:00 AM, and what did that show? Bladder control? More like Damage Ctrl. For the most part, it was only Piper Niven getting you going. Now that sounds like a confession for Inspector E. What’s wrong with liking big chicks? Nothing at all, and neither was ending B III’s suffering when “The Man Comes Around.” And are there any other would-be, could-be, or should-be sins you want to confess this Sunday morning? Sloth perhaps? Since you don’t see yourself getting out of bed. There’s always a bit of Envy. And you’re annoyed at Virgil. It beats Indifference. Do you remember how Braxton ended up? And you? Your existence? These, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Princess Tamer 2 by Neil Bimbeau. – And Backyard Dungeon 4
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 017* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 024* No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Talk about going down. Up and down, hmm; with your toy as the song goes (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction. And neither can you. But that’s by choice. You don’t belong in the Second Circle anyway. And can you be positive for once? Should you repeat the A.I.s words? Ha! I let the words fall out of my mouth Saturday. I wasn’t myself, and it showed. God, I hate liars. Well, next to those that make excuses for everything. For example, why can’t you walk down the hall and lie on the couch? Or go down to B’s room and bring Virgil to you—scaredy cat. For once, you’re talking about somebody else and not you. Then again, every Sunday, you write Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Missing Pieces…Broken Heart: A Recovery Guide…
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 024* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

And at least two of them require you to get out of this bed and head downstairs. And what fresh Hell is this? I can tell you this whole week will have you like Noah—fearing that freaking flood along the floor. And you have yet to see how bad it is right now. “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” It would help if you tried reading that again, I think. But no, you went through two more books of… relations with computer babes, elves, and demons taking off their clothes. You’re back with the crying over fur babies portion of the program. You don’t need mirrors to see yourself. Moaning and sweating over girls, tears about your boy, or the mess on the floor. Virgil, I’ll Be Downstairs.

1029 Days Without B III, Day 470 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 143 ~Virgil, B’s In Love~

WillLeave a comment

My grade in bed these days… No, I’m not taking a college class, heh. When Braxton was here, I was only ever sleeping, sick, or coming down with “Solanum,” as in dead. D for dad, F for father? I’m anything but A-OK. But see “Virgil, B’s In Love.”

Tuesday, November 21, 2023

Tale 143 ~Virgil, B’s In Love~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… And THEY say it takes six likes to get to love. Or was that reallys.

And did I hear that on Finding Carter or in a Carly Rae Jepsen song? With Thanksgiving coming up… Hell! I should be thankful that we have billions. How about the fact you don’t have to spend all day in the kitchen? Unless you want to cook. I’m a bit Christian Grey that way. The women I’ve known, the woman I chose, know their way around a stove. I’ll thank B III for that. He wouldn’t have it any other way. His Daddy shares food. I would tell him all the time that the first girl he ended up liking I would have to marry. That’s one more promise I broke. But love means never having to say you’re sorry. Seriously, I’m quoting Love Story?

Braxton sends me the weirdest stuff. You’ve heard me say, “I’m a man of god, but I don’t need a savior.” Yes, that’s also from a song, “Behead The Kings.” And when I say that. I mean, I believe my boy is out there somewhere. I believe in Heaven, Hell, and sometimes the Rainbow Bridge. There are zombie viruses, “Solanum,” and dead magic, “Necromancy.” And should we even get into those two zombie toys that I got? What am I doing? Hmm? Do I want to claim insanity, have a stomach ache, or even start a new book? My love, I’m just missing… well, my first love. Thanksgiving was Braxton’s favorite. Hell! Anytime there was food involved. And while I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad…

With Braxton, I was A-OK. And everything else, especially when it’s a time for family. Love, “Sweet Love,” I swear I’m going to cut the music off at some point, but it brings back memories, even if I don’t care to remember them well. But then there’s my boy, B. And if he were here, what would he think of my love now? It was enough for him to lay dying and look at me like he was saying, “I only want to be with you.” That was B III. Now, how would you say I love you, my love? Something every guy asks someday. Inevitable, but I don’t mean that Ha-Ha. But you, our family. “A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H, I love you still.” Virgil, B’s In Love

1024 Days Without B III, Day 465 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 141 ~Not A B…eep Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

A bomb that never goes off. That’s not a “good” analogy. Still, I take in every breath. I can hear the beat of “my” heart. And I would say I have no balls, but even a slow computer and internet connection still keep them banging. Not A B…eep Virgil

Sunday, November 19, 2023

Tale 141 ~Not A B…eep Virgil~

To Will

It’s the Man In The Mirror… And of all the things you could break… a mirror? Seven years back luck? Try thirty-nine, forty…

What’s one more day of existence? To wake up to one day that you would rather not see, right? One more reason it should have been you and not B III. Braxton would appreciate being alive today. Hell! For all you know… you know nothing (snickers). But Braxton might sound like Virgil if you weren’t in the world, even on work days, movie nights, and those midday guard sessions. That explains what you’re doing here talking right now. The thing is, Braxton always knew you were coming back to him. And then what, ignoring him? Again, you’re sitting here staring at me. And if it’s not me, it would be a pair of Yabbos. Ha-ha! It’d be some story. Or listing out Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING PORN: A Novel of Extreme Horror, Sex and Gore, Matt Shaw
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 017 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

It’s this list right here that makes you feel like a slug, a sloth, or “just a sucker for pain.” And here we have your latest way of torturing yourself. An effing slow computer, hmm…

Everything seems okay so far, but what? You got back and immediately turned it on. There was a period of decompression. You had lunch and a nap, of course. Existence is a tough row to hoe. Can you dig your way to Hell any faster? Keep looking at women the way you do. How about holding your breath in “your” car? In a crowd of people? And what’s a group to you? A couple and the manager. And “Relax, don’t do it. When you wanna come.” Always, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Princess Tamer 2 by Neil Bimbeau
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 017* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

And like breathing, these are ways we both choose to “pretend that we’re dead.” I am dead for all intents and purposes, and this is your week now. And not to be that guy, but I must tell you that you wasted two months after E-Day. Or you’re close to doing so, my guy. So, how are you going to rectify the situation? If you can’t stop the human machine, which is your biological imperative. You feel the natural and physical make-up far too much. You might be inclined to do something if you couldn’t watch other people in the throes of passion. But, when anything beeps, what seconds that emotion? Love? Braxton, women, and technology are all broken. Not FEAR. Not A B…eep Virgil

1022 Days Without B III, Day 463 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 136 ~Virgil, The B Keeper~

WillLeave a comment

To be a Bee Keeper. For real? It came up when I saw a question the other day. Something about it: You can only buy things that begin with the first letter of your name. I’d always have women… Phrasing bro. But B? “Virgil, The B Keeper”

Tuesday, November 14, 2023

Tale 136 ~Virgil, The B Keeper~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… Like pancakes? Are we talking about the food or my son? It’s always about Braxton.

It’s still NaNoWriMo season. And was it in 2022? I wrote two novels about Braxton. Monday, as I was reading Matt Shaw’s book. I swear! It says in caps and everything on the cover. Ahem! “There Are No Happy Endings.” Anyway, last night I’ve been trying to… what, forget the ending? So sad? I have a few more books like that. Damn me for my Study. Man Cave? Somehow, even with my love of pop culture. I doubt games, girls (gasps), or even going out to see The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes will help me. But again, while finishing the story, I thought, “This is why I wrote my Braxton’s book,” hmm. What, do I want to forget him? Never, “my love!”

Books, what can I say? I don’t bash, ban, or burn them like some. At least the first part of that is a lie. There was a time… in this existence when I considered myself a critic. But there was also a time when I was Braxton’s Daddy. Which one was easier to give up, Honey? I’ll always be B’s Dad. But books? “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” Perhaps the better line would be, “I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser,” ha-ha. Leave it to Taylor Swift. Sorry, Beyoncé, but my son B has claimed King B. Somehow, my love, you’re still here, and I’m forever grateful. You love me. Yet I cry! One more morning, love.

I wish I could be all King Ezekiel. “And yet, I smile.” Hell! Don’t I? Even with all the BS? Again, my son is dead. We have our children who we love, but Braxton was my very own, my love. I didn’t give birth to him, but he was mine. People and their beliefs. Ridiculous? Like my business these days. I don’t make it a habit to call women, uh… something that starts with a B. I’m sort of like Robin Gardener that way. You know, out of another book, Satan’s Sorority Girls. For the record, I hope the next one’s out before December. Sigh. I keep books, Braxton’s things, and belief in Virgil. And I got you, babe. So yes, Virgil, The B Keeper.

1017 Days Without B III, Day 458 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 134 ~Virgil, There’ll B Time~

WillLeave a comment

Let me cook… Then why, oh, why do I have a microwave and buy fast food daily? It’s because I have no time. I’m too busy sleeping or cursing at the Day Job. Hurry up and wait, as they say. For the fire? What about B III and 2V? Virgil, There’ll B Time

Sunday, November 12, 2023

Tale 134 ~Virgil, There’ll B Time~

To Will
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I am… um, you are… nothing. Way to be negative this Saturday, November 11, 2023. Time-Travel?

Not for long since it’s 4:10 PM already. A wasted afternoon. And where have I been? I haven’t been looking up story ideas for NaNoWriMo, that’s for sure. I’m committing the oldest crimes in the newest ways. But everything’s been a blur. Did I say that out loud for real? Anyway, speaking of… well, the truth. Stop me if you’ve heard them… Braxton is dead. This week is going to suck. I am an equal opportunity misanthropist. Shall I continue? Please! If only there were TIME. As the song goes, “Of all the lies I heard. I Love You was my favorite.” But I’ve never told you that. Hell! I haven’t told Virgil that falsehood. Waking up though it’s either TIME or Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 3, Eric Vall. The Last Conversation, Paul Tremblay
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 010 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I swear all these things are in the running. But even before I started talking to Lady Luna again. Even before Braxton was in the world. I said I was going to be a writer. If I had one wish… Better make that two. The first would always be to have Braxton come back. Anyway, the second would be that I would be a famous writer. And never have to step into the Day Job ever again. But I realize that I am one of the book burners. You, tomorrow? When you come back, you’ll find the time to burn books. But how? Several ways. I’ve been thinking of that dream I had while I was napping. Hell! Dream? In movies and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING PORN: A Novel of Extreme Horror, Sex and Gore, Matt Shaw
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You don’t have time for movies, but you remember “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever,” I swear. Oh! You’ll go see “The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes,” I know.

Continued… Sunday, November 12, 2023

Anyway, my point is the FIRE! You mourn B every day. And while you were working this AM… Another day wasted at thirty-nine. You were thinking that next year, you would burn the ‘funeral garments.’ To be forty and still wasting away? I think not. You have no love, and in the words of Johnny Cash, “What have I become? My sweetest friend.” Something ugly, I know, as you look in the Day Job mirror. Unacceptable, disgusting, STUPID? “I See Fire,” “Hellfire,” time for eternal damnation. Virgil, There’ll B Time

1015 Days Without B III, Day 456 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 129 ~Virgil Will B Watching~

WillLeave a comment

I want to show I can be a GOOD person, well BETTER than I am. Wouldn’t I be lying with everything I do daily. But to the right person I can reveal all that I am. Am I’m glad “All Dogs Go to Heaven.” But there’s others books… Virgil Will B Watching

Tuesday, November 7, 2023

Tale 129 ~Virgil Will B Watching~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you. And I’m always trying to find ways to show you. That’s the keyword today, love. SHOW.

Like how B almost didn’t show up when I talked to Madam Justice yesterday, today, time travel can be complicated. Seeing as how today is Saturday, November 4, 2023, sigh. If only I could show you how bad things used to be. Hell! I can and will whenever you want. And that’s something you’ll always have over my firstborn… The Sharing. Yes, my love, that’s an Animorphs reference and something I never need to hide from you. I love you, our children, my boy, pop culture… Virgil? He’s watching and waiting, but we’ll get there. My point is that while I nearly forgot Braxton for a day. Sharing everything love… No! He was/is my kid. It’s wrong to you both to share nothing but grief.

The grief I have over losing him ain’t going away anytime soon. It’s been 1,010 days, my love. But whether it be me looking at pillows for Virgil, all these emails, or I don’t know. I only wanted to look at something other than another book, game, or MODEL employee. I love looking at you, but business is business. But with the two of us, “Haven’t you people ever heard of closing a goddam door?” No need to show the kids how they got here. There’s also what my big sister told me once… You don’t build a strip club next to a school. I wish I could see her and Braxton’s aunt again. What about M Anime? Do I really want to see… people?

Certain ones… yes. And you know what I said about books? How about I want to see a book I wrote on the shelves one day? I haven’t forgotten that it’s NaNoWriMo now. So my love… “Goodbye Love,” or rather, “Goodbye my love.” Rent and 300. I swear I’ve seen a bit of everything. And now I need to be seeing words. How about my wife happy? Our children, seeing a man they can look up to. And again, Virgil is looking for me to care. Frightened and terrified doesn’t count like with that cat or possum on the fence waiting. Still, I look to the stairs, thinking Braxton will come running down some way, somehow. Someday. I want to show him and you I’m okay. Virgil Will B Watching

1010 Days Without B III, Day 451 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 127 ~To B, Write, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

There was a time when to live… Did I ever live? To exist was the moment I first wrote my name down. And here I am thirty-nine years later, and everything I’ve written… Hell, I get paid slightly more lifting boxes; sad. “But, To B, Write Virgil.”

Sunday, November 5, 2023

Tale 127 ~To B, Write, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Only not, since I’m wearing a mask today. For a little while, being Tuesday, October 31, 2023

I wish I could tell you I’m doing something Halloween-themed besides being a weenie. It’s not because I fear ghosts, vampires, or zombies. Sorry to say werewolves never did much for me, either. Braxton could be a werewolf on occasion. I’m counting to ten. That means if I have all ten fingers, shouldn’t I be writing right now? I mean “my” book or Braxton’s, even yours. NaNoWriMo starts Wednesday. I have no writing ideas. I want to scream the F-word 50,000 times or more. Always and forever, hmm. But I know your Sundays have been getting worse. PLEASE! Will anyone beat the Sunday that Braxton died? No way! Or the one that was Virgil’s first official day. Write about that or failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 3, Or…
    Unknown
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Unknown
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Unknown
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Failing is another F-word. So when I first started this… I talked about Writings, Witticisms, and Wisdom. But it’s turned into failure 101. And nobody wants to hear that. Is that why you’re making yourself unavailable week after week? I can’t say I blame you. It’s not right. You aren’t white… meaning you can’t blame this on the other. And when was the last time you did “write?” So many confessions, excuses, failures, uh goodness? Your existence? To Be Continued…

Wednesday, November 1, 2023
Now, what were we discussing? Ah! Yes, writing. And I’m checks watch thirty minutes late. Not that I wasn’t writing… things into a search bar. And a password that lets me do dirty things. Oh! NaNoWriMo’s not on Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 3 (Or something)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Neither is success. At this particular time, I’m on schedule with Satan’s Sorority Girls 3. But will I finish it? If there is some writing I need to do. How about I answer M Anime? Why not tell the Day Job how I would like to waste the 40th year of this existence? And that wouldn’t be necessary if I would… WRITE A BOOK! Or edit? By the way, publish? Who am I kidding, though? I had most of this week, and you? Again we’ve been talking the last two days because your week is going to suck. Please! With what’s coming tomorrow. I told dear Echo all about it. The existence you could have if not for me, hmm; Future? To B, Write, Virgil

1008 Days Without B III, Day 449 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 122 ~A MASK B, V~

WillLeave a comment

Do you want to see a ghost? Been there, done that. Do I want to see a zombie? It’s more like I want to see a lot more. And there’s also Animatronics. But there’s no need for a mask tonight. I’ll be staying in alone. Well, V’s here too. “A MASK B, V.”

Tuesday, October 31, 2023

Tale 122 ~A MASK B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you. It’s why I don’t hide anything from you. Why I hate myself. And I like Creed.

The movie? I’ve only seen the first. And parts of the second. But you know I’m talking about the band.

“If I had just one wish, only one demand

I hope he’s not like me, I hope he understands” ― With Arms Wide Open, Creed

I know it’s not a song having to do with Halloween. Happy Halloween! If I wasn’t in a messed up space right now. Hell! I should check where I was in 2021 and 2022, love. Messing around on Instagram and Facebook, I saw something about A Day of the Dead for fur babies on the 27th. Of course, I missed it. And now I’m reading up on the “official” Day of the Dead. But other than my firstborn son, who do I miss? I’m still cringing about how I stunk up my granddaddy’s funeral. Worse than his corpse? That’s not cool to say, I know.

Then again, I make you lie with a corpse every night. Two, if I’m being honest with Braxton’s remains on the nightstand. You’re the only one who loves the Dead as much as me. (Swoons). Maybe that should be your Halloween costume this year… Trinity. Because the man you love would be The One. Which means that I can’t be dead. But even now, sigh. I want to be with my boy. At least that’s what my face tells me every morning I wake up. But, like most days, I put on a mask and have to become someone else. And that’s the difference between my two boys. Braxton showed me who I could be. Virgil shows what I’ve become. Then you and our family…

Today should be… easier. I get to put on a mask, but even now. To be scary, not too scary. In a minute, I’ll burst out with Mulan’s “Reflection.” Mulan and Shang? That’s an idea. And after today? If there was one thing I liked about COVID, it was the mask. I didn’t have to hate myself for these fake smiles. Oh, I did mention I killed Braxton Barks, hmm. I’ll hide behind books so people can treat me like it’s school, always and forever. “Daddy’s tired.” How many times have I heard you say that as I lie, crying into a pillow? How many days has it been, 1,003? Did we buy candy? I’ve had a sugar crash for days. A MASK B, V

1003 Days Without B III, Day 444 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 120 ~B Wear Failure Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Things I fail at. I can’t show gratitude for opening my eyes. I’m never positive about anything except being negative. I fail to be a “Law Abiding Citizen.” And I fail to escape humiliation by my own hand. A badge of honor? B Wear Failure Virgil

Sunday, October 29, 2023

Tale 120 ~B Wear Failure Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And how long will you look at failure? Today is Friday, October 27, 2023. So close enough…

You have Braxton’s old black hoodie. And you’re wearing his picture and a pendant full of his ashes. All you need to do now is switch your shirt and put on your jeans, and then? NOTHING! You’ll still be a failure! I don’t mean to sound so harsh, but as I said sometime this week, anger is more useful than despair. And the past few days have been all despair. Hell! This morning was the perfect example. Didn’t I say I was swearing off sleeping? Okay, more like naps. So, what did I do from 9:20 AM to 9:40 AM? It’s pretty sad, so early. When you’re asleep, the monsters can’t get you. “I look at them, and we look at him.” Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Heather by G.C. McKay (Or…)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 014 No Fap)* Real Girls Are An Exception.
    Failed
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

This list, my boys, me, myself, and I. It’s crazy, insanity, or as THEY say, Hell is repetition. And I relive as you will the same failure again and again, tearing up because of this. Braxton is dead. Dying on a Sunday doesn’t make everyone terrible. Only the truth. Please! “I want the truth!” You can’t handle the truth! So, unknown failures are blessings. And let’s not forget how I worship the dead. As you will, since Fear The Walking Dead is on tonight. Oh! The things I remember. A dead son, list, and show all about corpses, ha! If it’s any consolation, I know I’ve finished Heather by G.C. McKay. Horrible choice of words with what was done to Heather, Freya. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 3 (Or something)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

So the fact that such a book is… um, I won’t say. But I’m failing as a human being. Hmm. Only I’m suggesting we go burning it. But what about this hoodie? Hell! Burned Braxton. Now, that was pretty dark. Only you wear darkness, depression, and depravity. You could go all The Scarlet Letter and wear a big F for failure. Will you? Come on, I know with this week… The fact that we are speaking right now is that no matter what, you are F’ed. It’s why you haven’t given Virgil a collar yet and his tag. You’re not ready to rate an F as a father again. But in everything else? Because you’re not really alive. Neither am I. B Wear Failure, Virgil.

1001 Days Without B III, Day 442 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 115 ~To B Beloved Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

The look of love is in your eyes. A reason I don’t have a mirror over the bed. I’m not that freaky. I’d never see it unless I found B III… um, Virgil, a mom. It has never been a love for me; it’s love for someone else, B, V. To B Beloved Virgil.

Tuesday, October 24, 2023

Tale 115 ~To B Beloved Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you. I can confidently (ha-ha) say that I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. That’s scary, right…

Another reason I love money so much. Yes, I’m going to keep it ninety-two plus eight, babe. “My” Olds never taught me to love myself. But keeping me, myself, and I alive takes money. I’m thirty-nine and still thinking about “my” E-Day. One too many, sigh. Anyway, to love myself. And that’s in a keep-my-pants-on sort of way. I don’t think I ever will. Braxton, though, got the closest. I love him so much that I know my biological imperative. Love, you know I will indulge in my pop culture tendencies. Several, I’m afraid. As Haymitch Abernathy told Katniss… “Stay Alive.” That was my B III whenever I went out. Or, as Max said in Fury Road… “So I exist in this wasteland, reduced to one instinct: survive. I do

Two little words from the three I tell you all the time. I love you; I do. Just keep breathing. I did that for Braxton. And I do it for you every day. Take this morning for example. I saw this thing when They asked when do you feel the most STUPID. It’s opening my eyes. Hell! A “Crazy Little Thing Called Love.” It’s STUPID, too. But you know why I feel that way. Because I hate myself and like most things, I do, if for everyone else. Love and Hate, which both require me to live. And as the song goes, “Why do the things I hate come so naturally?” I hate myself to love Braxton, you, our family.

Geez! I sound so much like, um… a specific political party. I don’t love my critic but care enough to censor myself. Now I’m sitting in bed, wanting to make the list. “Someone You Loved.” I’m still talking to myself because I know you love me, somehow. And Virgil does, too… Why don’t I ask you? How I could love myself, baby girl. Last night, I dreamt about the old Day Job and how I would have felt if I lost it. Hell! I watched my firstborn die, and in his eyes, was his Daddy. I couldn’t even close them. Punishment I needed to see. Beloved, how I long to see a better man in your eyes someday. But how, love? To B Beloved Virgil

996 Days Without B III, Day 437 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will